Ed, Edd n Eddy (1999) s02e12 Episode Script

1
Eddy: ED! QUIT HOGGING THEM, ED.
Ed: SAY, "PRETTY PLEASE," EDDY.
IN YOUR DREAMS.
SAY, "PRETTY PLEASE WITH TWO
EGGS AND A SLICE OF BACON."
GIVE ME THE CHIPS.
DO YOU MIND? I'M TRYING TO READ.
WAIT FOR THE MOVIE, DOUBLE D.
COME ON, ED. I'M STARVING.
OH, LOOK AT THIS NOW.
DRIED POTATOES THAT MAY
CONTAIN DEXTROSE, SALT,
AND SATURATED FATS
ALL OVER MY SLEEPING BAG.
DOUBLE D MADE A MESS
IN HIS SLEEPING BAG, ED.
HA HA HA.
HEY, LET'S MAKE A
PIE AND HIT ME WITH IT.
Eddy: DOCTOR, I THINK
WE NEED TO OPERATE.
OH, I CONCUR, DR. EDDY.
Eddy: HOLD STILL, LUMPY.
BOINK.
I FEEL IT, EDDY. LIKE VOODOO.
BOINK.
[LAUGHING]
MAY I TRY?
SURE, WHY NOT?
DID YOU KNOW SHADOW PUPPETRY
IS ONE OF THE OLDES
FORMS OF ENTERTAINMENT?
LIKE WALNUTS?
OH, CAN YOU GUESS WHAT IT IS?
Eddy: HMM. GEE,
ED, IS IT A HAND?
OH! OH! OH, WAIT.
UM
I THINK IT'S BROKEN, GUYS.
WHAT A LUMP.
WELL, AT LEAST HE'S CONSISTENT.
[LAUGHING]
Jimmy: HELLO, EXCUSE ME.
DO YOU MIND TONING
IT DOWN OUT THERE?
SHH. WE'RE DISTURBING
OUR NEIGHBORS, EDDY.
OH, ARE WE?
[HONKING ARMPIT]
HA HA HA.
EEW.
Edd: EDDY, PLEASE!
SAVAGES.
EDDY, SHH.
[HONKING]
[SNORING]
HUH?
WAKE UP! WE SLEPT IN.
SLEPT IN!
OH DEAR, I'VE NEVER SLEPT IN.
I'VE BLEMISHED MY
PERSONAL RESUME.
ED, COME ON. WAKE UP.
WE GOT TO GET TO THE CREEK
OR WE'LL LOSE OUR SPO
AT THE SWIMMING HOLE.
[HORSE NEIGHS]
Ed: OH, NO, SPOT IS LOST.
SAY IT AIN'T SO, EDDY.
ED, THIS WAY.
HURRY UP, SOCKHEAD.
BUT I HAVEN'T BRUSHED MY
TEETH OR HAD MY CRUMPET
HERE, SPOT. COME ON, BOY.
Edd: ED, YOU'RE NOT LISTENING.
THE SPOT BY THE CREEK.
Ed: SPOT BY THE CREEK, EDDY.
TELL ME SOMETHING
I DON'T KNOW, ED.
HI, EDDY.
HI, DOUBLE D.
HELLO, ED.
I SEE IT. I SEE IT.
AND IT'S ALL OURS!
OH, BABY!
DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE, PAL.
HA HA HA.
THAT'S OUR SPOT.
I DON'T SEE YOUR
NAME ON IT, DORK.
I GOT HIM, DOUBLE D.
I GOT HIM.
THE SWIMMING AREA'S LARGE ENOUGH
TO ACCOMMODATE US ALL, EDDY.
LET ME FIND YOU A BETTER SPOT.
KEVIN STOLE THE BETTER SPOT.
I GOT HIM, DOUBLE D.
I GOT HIM.
HA HA HA.
Eddy: ED!
HEY, JIMMY, LOOK, IT'S PRETTY.
CAREFUL! WHAT?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
BA-DA-BOOM! HA HA HA.
DO NOT ASK ROLF TO STOP.
HA HA HA.
NICE SPOT, DOUBLE D.
IS THERE SOMETHING ON MY BACK?
THIS IS OH SO BAD, EDDY.
LET'S STAY ALL DAY.
Ed: OINK OINK OINK.
OINK OINK OINK.
HA HA. I AM A LIZARD.
OINK OINK OINK.
WELL, ED'S LACK
OF SLEEP IS EVIDENT.
THIS SPOT STINKS.
THERE'S ROCKS, AND GARBAGE,
AND BUGS EVERYWHERE.
NOT TO MENTION
THE LACK OF SHADE.
BOY, IS IT HOT.
COME ON, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
OH, DEAR, IT CAN'T BE.
I FORGOT MY SUNSCREEN!
I'M SO VULNERABLE.
I CAN FEEL MY FLESH TIGHTEN,
THE STINGING OF THE
ULTRAVIOLET RAYS.
EDDY, KEVIN STOLE OUR SPOT.
MAN, IT'S LIKE A MERRY-GO-ROUND.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHA
I SAID 20 PAGES AGO.
Edd: BUT, EDDY, LOOK AT HIM.
HE LOOKS SO COMFORTABLE.
Ed: LET'S PUT A
STAMP ON HIS HEAD.
AND MAIL HIM TO HOLLYWOOD.
TOO INHUMANE, EDDY.
IN CHESS, IN ORDER
TO POSITION ONESELF,
ONE MUST FIRST GO
THROUGH THE PAWN.
IT JUST NEEDS A RIBBON, JIMMY,
AND IT WILL BE PERFECT.
UNICORNS ARE MY SPECIALTY.
Ed: HA HA HA. LOOK AT ME.
GIDDY-UP, MUTANT HORSE.
NO, ED! UNICORNS ARE SENSITIVE.
PSHAW!
Jimmy: AAH! MY TUMMY!
I FEEL QUEASY.
Sarah: ED! PUT HIM DOWN.
HI, JIMMY. WANT TO PLAY A GAME?
EDDY?
IT'S BONEHEAD TIME.
EVER PLAY "SPLISH
SPLASH IN A BATH"?
I HAVE.
Y-YOU HAVE?
SPLISH SPLASH. TAKE A BATH.
ED, WHOA!
BRAVO, ED BOY. A FINE TOSS.
I DID A 4-SPLASHER.
A NEW SPLISH SPLASH RECORD.
LOOK OUT. I CAN BEA
YOUR STUPID RECORD.
OW! EE!
OW, HOT.
OW, CALLUSES.
EXCUSE ME, JIMMY,
YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO HAVE
ANY MORE SUNSCREEN, WOULD YOU?
Ed: WHAT ARE YOU
WAITING FOR GUYS?
LOOKS LIKE THE TWERPS
ABANDONED THEIR SPOT.
WE'RE ONE SMALL
STEP TO ONE GIANT LEAP
FROM KICKING KEV
OUT OF OUR SPOT.
Kevin: HUH, GOOD LOOK,
BEACH BLANKET DORKO.
HA HA HA.
YOU GOING TO FINISH THAT?
GIMME BACK MY SPOT, KEVIN.
Sarah: HEY!
GET OUT OF OUR SPOT.
YOU AND WHOSE ARMY?
YOU'D THINK YOU WOULD
HAVE LEARNED BY NOW, EDDY.
AAH!
OOH, THAT WENT NICELY.
Ed: DOUBLE D, CHECK IT OUT.
OH, OUR SPOT'S EMPTY.
QUICK, LET'S GRAB I
BEFORE I GET BACK.
HA HA.
EXCUSE ME, EDDY, BUT I
NEED TO REVISIT THE SUN ISSUE.
Eddy: YOU'RE LIKE A BROKEN
RECORD, DOUBLE D, GEEZ.
OUR BEING SURROUNDED BY WATER
SEEMS TO BE MAGNIFYING THOSE
ULTRAVIOLET RAYS I TOLD YOU ABOUT EARLIER.
MY SKIN'S BECOMING
QUITE SENSITIVE, EDDY.
YAP YAP YAP.
LOOK, IT'S AN
ECLIPSE OF THE SUN.
Ed: THAT'S JOHNNY'S
HEAD, DOUBLE D.
Eddy: WHAT'S HE DOING UP THERE?
HEY, CHECK IT OUT.
IF WE HAD JOHNNY'S SPOT,
WE COULD KEEP AN EYE ON MY SPOT.
AT THAT ELEVATION, IT MUS
HAVE A COOLING CROSS BREEZE,
PERHAPS EVEN SHADE.
IT'S A CINCH.
WE JUST NEED TO
GET RID OF JOHNNY.
HA HA HA.
[BUBBLING]
Eddy: LET'S SEE,
WHAT DO WE USE TO GE
MELONHEAD OFF HIS PERCH?
EXPLOSIVES?
NAH.
GIANT SLINGSHOT?
NOPE.
A TRAPEZE?
DOUBLE D, THAT'S IT!
WE'LL USE A TRAPEZE.
HE'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT HIT HIM.
[GASPS]
WE'LL LOWER SOME ROPE,
AND, ED, YOU CAN
WEAR THE TIGHTS.
Edd: AAH!
A BARMITZVAH.
SO ANYWAYS, YOU
JUST SWING OVER
A TRAPEZE? PLEASE.
HERE'S AN IDEA, EDDY.
NEXT TIME, LET'S
JUST SIT IN AN OVEN.
WHY DON'T YOU DO
SOMETHING USEFUL?
LIKE HURRY UP!
PASS ME THE TRAPEZE, ED.
WHAT?
WHAT'S SOCKHEAD DOING?
[TWEET]
I'M READY, COACH.
DID I MAKE THE TEAM, PLANK?
DOUBLE D!
THAT WAS PURE GENIUS.
CAN WE MOVE ON?
THIS HEAT IS UNBEARABLE.
Ed: THE SOUND OF
A BABBLING BROOK.
MAKES ME WANT TO
BABBLE, DOUBLE D.
WAS THAT JOHNNY'S SUNSCREEN?
OH, THIS IS PERFECT.
ONCE KEVIN MOVES,
WE'LL JUST SWOOP IN,
WE'LL BE KINGS OF
THE SWIMMING HOLE.
MY KINGDOM FOR SUNSCREEN.
ED, YOU BE LOOKOUT.
ONE, TWO, BUCKLE MY SHOE.
MESS WITH ME, WILL HE?
HA.
[YAWN]
SEE YA, KEVIN.
KEVIN LEAVE?
WOOHOO!
TOOK HIM LONG ENOUGH, SLUG.
Edd: ASSISTANCE, PLEASE.
ASSISTANCE.
WHAT'S WITH YOU?
MOTHER NATURE IS SO UNFORGIVING.
COME ON, DOUBLE D.
OUCH!
DON'T TOUCH ME!
OW, MY FACE!
EVERY NERVE ENDING IN THE PRIMARY
LAYERS OF MY SKIN ARE SCREAMING,
"DOUBLE D, YOU NINCOMPOOP!
YOU FORGOT THE SUNSCREEN."
[SKIN CRINKLES]
OUCH!
YOU LOOK A LITTLE
SUNBURNED, DOUBLE D.
DON'T TOY WITH ME, EDDY.
I'll BE SHEDDING FOR WEEKS.
WELCOME TO THE GREA
OUTDOORS, NATURE BOY.
WHAT A WHINER.
[GASPS]
HMM.
Ed: I AM A LIZARD.
I HAVE CHANGED COLORS.
I HAVE BECOME CHAMELEON MAN.
OINK.
STAY BACK.
OUCH. OINK.
OUCH.
EDDY, MAKE HIM STOP!
CUT IT OUT.
OINK.
OW!
YOU CAN BE MY
SIDEKICK, ROCK MOUNT KID.
AND AND DOUBLE
D IS OUR BUTLER.
UH, DOUBLE D.
OINK.
OW! OW!
OINK.
YOW! OINK.
OW. OW!
HA HA HA.
OINK OINK.
Eddy: GRUESOME, TASTELESS,
HIDEOUS, AND REPULSIVE.
PURE GENIUS.
Edd: HOW YOU EVER TALKED
ME INTO THIS IS BEYOND ME.
WE'RE IN A SEWER, EDDY.
AN INCUBATOR FOR EVERY
PARASITE KNOWN TO HUMANS.
IT WRITES ITSELF, DOUBLE D.
WE'RE GONNA BE RICH.
FILTHY RICH, I TELL YOU.
LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU.
THAT'S THE OLDEST TRICK
IN THE BOOK, DOUBLE D.
SEESH, GET REAL.
WHOA!
LET ME GO. LET ME GO.
DON'T FIGHT IT,
EDDY. TRY TO BLECH!
ED, STOP!
SAVE IT FOR THE CUSTOMERS.
Ed: HA HA HA.
I AM AN EDIPUS CAUSE I'M ED.
YOU'RE GOING TO BE
ED-I-DEAD AFTER I GET
[VOICES FROM ABOVE] SWAMP RIDE?
OH, BROTHER.
CUSTOMERS.
WHO WANTS TO RIDE A SWAMP?
Nazz: I THINK I'll PASS.
WHY CAN'T THE EDS THINK
OF SOMETHING NICE TO RIDE,
LIKE A DOLPHIN?
BOYS WILL BE BOYS.
SARAH? HUH?
GYM TEACHER!
I AM EDIPUS CAUSE I AM
HANG ON. HE HASN'
PAID YET, NUMBSKULL.
WELCOME TO ED'S SWAMP RIDE.
THAT WILL BE 25 CENTS.
SARAH!
Sarah: JIMMY.
WHAT HAPPENED?
Jimmy: I FELL ON
MY TUSHIE, SARAH.
DON'T MOVE!
I'll SAVE YOU.
Jimmy: HELP! HELP!
EEW, JIMMY. YOU STINK.
THAT'S PUTTING IT MILDLY.
HEY, WHY DON'T YOU LE
THE GUY HAVE SOME FUN, HUH?
YOU'RE IN A SEWER, IDIOT.
IT'S DIRTY AND STINKY.
IT'S CALLED AMBIENCE.
IT'S A SWAMP RIDE, GET IT?
WHAT DO YOU GIRLS KNOW ABOUT
NO SKIN OFF MY NOSE.
SARAH!
I'M SURE KEVIN, ROLF,
EVEN JOHNNY, WILL
Sarah: THEY WENT GO-KARTING.
GO-KARTING?
AND THEY WON'T BE
BACK TILL SUPPER.
BYE-BYE.
AAH!
Ed: I THINK SARAH
LIKES YOU, EDDY.
Eddy: GREAT, WE'RE STUCK HERE
WITH TWO GIRLS AND A JIMMY.
THIS CALLS FOR A CHANGE
OF PLANS, DOUBLE D.
WE NEED TO FIND OUR
MORE SENSITIVE SIDES.
I FOUND MY SENSITIVE
SIDE 'CAUSE IT HAS A RASH.
THANK YOU FOR
SHARING THAT WITH US, ED.
NOW, WHAT DO GIRLS LIKE? HMM.
SARAH LIKES TO WATCH ME EA
YOGURT FROM MY BELLY BUTTON.
HA HA HA.
AHEM. BEFORE ED FILLS MY HEAD
WITH ANY MORE DISTURBING IMAGES,
I SUGGEST A STUDY
AND OBSERVATION OF
GIRLS IN THEIR HABITAT.
STUDY? I FOLLOW
MY GUTS, DOUBLE D.
I SMELL WAFFLES, GUYS.
Eddy: SHUT UP, ED.
HA HA HA.
WON'T I STICK TO I
AND CHAFE MY
THIGHS AGAIN, SARAH?
DON'T BE SILLY, SILLY.
ON YOUR MARK, GET SET WHEE.
Sarah: LAST ONE TO
THE SWINGS IS AN ED!
[JIMMY GIGGLES]
CHECK THIS OUT, SARAH.
WOOHOO! YEAH!
HA HA.
AWESOME.
WHEE.
GEE, NAZZ, THAT WAS RAD.
DID IT HURT?
NOT WHEN YOU LAND SOFTLY, SARAH.
CAN I TRY?
UH, IT'S SORT OF DANGEROUS.
START SLOW. TRY
THE SPINNING WHEEL.
OK, GIRLFRIEND.
DAH! SHE PRACTICALLY
BROKE MY BACK.
WHEE!
Eddy: OH, OH!
DISCOVERY! DISCOVERY!
WHAT IS IT?
DON'T YOU JUST WAN
TO PINCH HIS CHEEKS?
GET DOWN, GET DOWN.
JIMMY?
Jimmy: JUMPING JACKRABBITS.
LOOK AT THOSE
STUBBORN GRASS STAINS.
BETTER USE SOME CLUB
SODA ON THOSE CLOTHES.
IT'S THE ONLY WAY
TO GET THEM CLEAN.
HURRY AND MEET ME
IN THE DAISIES, SARAH.
WHEE! THE FRAGRANCE
OF FLOWERS IS SO SWEET.
HELLO, ARE YOU NEW IN TOWN?
MAY I SMELL YOU?
WHY, THANK YOU.
[HIGH-PITCHED SCREAM]
YUCK. YOU SMELL
LIKE CHEAP SHAMPOO.
I'M TEARING.
GENTLEMEN, AND I
USE THAT TERM LIGHTLY,
I THINK I'VE COMPILED ENOUGH
DATA FOR US TO PROCEED.
ACCORDING TO MY OBSERVATIONS,
GIRLS ARE PRONE TO:
ONE, SOFT, AS IN NAZZ;
TWO, CLEAN, REFERENCE SARAH;
AND 3, FRESH
FRAGRANCE, A LA JIMMY.
THAT'S STUPID. WE'RE RIGH
BACK WHERE WE STARTED.
BINGO!
IT'S THE PANTS.
PANTS, EDDY?
CHICKS DIG PANTS.
NAZZ WEARS PANTS,
SARAH WEARS PANTS
YOU WEAR PANTS.
I WEAR PANTS.
[Edd LAUGHS] PAY
ATTENTION, EDDY.
SOFT, CLEAN, AND FRESH IT IS.
I HATE IT WHEN HE DOES THAT.
HA HA HA.
HURRY, JIMMY.
WHEN ARE WE GOING TO PUSH
BACK OUR CUTICLES, SARAH?
HEY, HOLD UP.
FOR THE FIRST TIME, SPECIALLY
DESIGNED FOR YOU TENDER TYPES,
AND PRICED TO LIKE,
OUR "SNUGGLE-ME ED."
HE'S SOFT, CLEAN, AND FRESH.
SO WHAT?
IS THAT DRYER LINT ALL OVER HIM?
DOUBLE D, WOULD YOU
PAY 25 CENTS TO HUG ED?
BUG?
GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!
AAH!
OH NO, OW.
I DON'T THINK SHE WENT FOR IT.
OH, ED, YOU'RE GONNA GET IT.
I'M TELLING ON
OH, NO, MY EARRING.
Sarah: I LOST MY EARRING.
I FEEL SO GUILTY.
Sarah: WAAH! I LOVED MY EARRING.
SARAH, LOOK. I'M TRENDY.
FASHION CAN BE SO PAINFUL.
MY EARRING.
GIMME IT.
THANK YOU, JIMMY.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
DID YOU SEE THAT?
ALL THOSE EMOTIONS
OVER STUPID JEWELRY.
DOUBLE D, IT'S A GOLD MINE.
[GIRLS LAUGHING]
Eddy: GO ON.
RETREAT.
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
THEY'RE JUST GIRLS.
HEY, HEY, HEY! GET LOST.
NO GUYS ALLOWED.
IF YOU WEREN'
ED'S SISTER, I'D
WHAT EDDY'S TRYING TO SAY IS,
WE'RE HAVING A JEWELRY
SALE AND JEWELRY?
A SALE! BAUBLES AND BANGLES!
Ed: IMPORTED BY
AN ARMORED TRUCK.
FROM THE HOUSE OF
EUROPEAN WIENERS
BEHOLD!
Ed: BEHOLD!
All: WOW!
Nazz: LOOK AT ALL THAT GOLD.
Sarah: THEY'RE SO SHINY.
Jimmy: LEMME SEE, LEMME SEE.
Nazz: EDDY?
I'M LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
A LITTLE DIFFEREN
ONLY STILL THE
SAME, SO IT MATCHES,
WITHOUT IT BEING TOO SIMILAR.
WE'LL JUST CHECK OUR VAULT.
OFFICER ED.
WHOA!
A SPATULA.
OH, HO HO.
JEWELRY FOR NAZZ.
HMM, THIS LOOKS INTERESTING.
YES, WELL, YOU OBVIOUSLY
HAVE AN EYE FOR CREATIVITY.
HA HA HA.
THANKS, ED.
SHE WENT FOR IT, EDDY.
HMM.
IT'S GAUDY.
GAUDY NOTHING.
YOU MUST HAVE
SUFFERED A BRAIN LAG,
AS THIS IS ONE OF
OUR MORE POPULAR
NECK DOOHICKEY THINGS.
CAN I TRY IT ON?
WHY, CERTAINLY, MISS. ALLOW ME.
HOW DO I LOOK?
LIKE A MILLION BUCKS.
WILL THAT BE CASH OR CASH?
I DON'T LIKE IT!
THEY HATE OUR MERCHANDISE, EDDY.
GIVE 'EM WHAT THEY WANT.
CAN OPENERS.
MY MOM LOVES CAN OPENERS.
ARE MOMS GIRLS?
NOT SURE.
WELL, TECHNICALLY BEATS ME.
HA HA HA.
BOY, THAT'S PRETTY.
OOPS.
THIS AIN'T A LIBRARY.
BUY OR GET LOST.
Ed: EDDY!
PARDON US FOR A MOMENT.
GUYS, I SPILLED PAIN
ALL OVER MY GOOD PANTS.
Eddy: OH, GREAT, WE'RE WHOOKED.
AWESOME PANTS!
ARE THEY FOR SALE?
UH I MUST HAVE THEM.
GIVE ME THEM. THEY'RE MINE.
I SAW THEM FIRST.
GET READY TO RETIRE, DOUBLE D.
HA HA. CASHIER'S
THIS WAY, LADIES.
[WHINES]
HEY, AW, COME ON, EDDY.
DO YOU HAVE A LAYAWAY PLAN?
FEAST YOUR EYES ON
THESE GOLDEN PANTALOONS.
ANY OFFERS?
EDDY, IT WOULD BE SO
SWEET TO GET THOSE AS A GIFT.
[STAMMERING]
YES, MADAM.
TRY SYLLABLES AND
SENTENCES, EDDY.
DOUBLE D, YOU CAN GE
ME THOSE PANTS, CAN'T YOU?
[STAMMERING]
EDDY.
DOUBLE D.
Jimmy: $5.00!
FOR THE GOLDEN PANTS.
SOLD!
PHEW!
PINCH ME, I'M DREAMING.
WHEE! I FEEL JUS
LIKE ELVIS PRESLEY.
JEALOUS? OH, NO.
WHEN WILL THE TORMENT END?
THAT WASN'T GOLD, FAKERS.
YOU GYPPED US!
EXPOSED.
BUSTED.
NOPE, CAN'T THINK OF A WORD.
Jimmy: THE SHAME.
HERE'S YOUR MONEY, JIMMY.
GROW UP.
WAIT TILL YOU GET HOME, ED.
CHARLATANS.
SPENDING AN EXTENDED
TIME IN FEMALE COMPANY
CAN BE MENTALLY DISORIENTATING
AND PHYSICALLY CONFUSING.
WHAT'S UP WITH YOU?
ED'S TROUSER-LESS STATE
SEEMS TO HAVE JARRED
AN INTELLECTUAL MOMEN
WITHIN THE CONFINES
OF HIS BRAIN.
ED, IS THAT YOU?
HUG ME!
WELL, THAT DIDN'T LAST LONG.
HUG!
ED!
DOUBLE D, MY FRIEND.
PLEASE, ED.
ED, NO, WAIT.
EDDY!
HA HA HA.
HUG, GUYS!
Edd: ED, YOU'RE IN
YOUR UNDERWEAR.
OK, I FEEL LOVED NOW.