Farscape s02e12 Episode Script
Look at the Princess Part II: I Do, I Think
No! No! I will not be a slave to your hormones.
-Aeryn! It's you, I find pleasing.
Chiana: Two drops from these little vials and we can tell if our DNA's compatible for children.
It's a whole world designed for your rutting instincts.
No! Please.
Tyno: You kissed our Princess.
Yeah, what the hell does that mean? -I want you to consider marrying her.
(both screaming) You will rule, not because you desire it Clavor, but because I do.
If you're not going to be king, Clavor, I'm not going to marry you.
Aeryn: When's the last time you saw a Scarran on a diplomatic mission? What is it, Pilot? The Builders.
Moya's creators.
You must exchange espousals.
-But I love you.
After we're married, and I mean right after we're married, they turn us into statues.
Oh, hello, Crichton.
My daughter or that abomination.
Choose.
He's in my head.
He scares me Aeryn, and I can't shake it.
I don't know what you're talking about but there's never been anything we couldn't overcome together.
Except each other.
Princess, will you consent to marry me? Yes.
Here's your wedding present from Prince Clavor.
(screaming) Now on Farscape Which branch are you with? Which branch? Jenavian Chatto, Disrupter, Peacekeeper Special Directorate.
Which branch? You should know I can't tell you that.
Frell.
Trust them to send in backup and not tell me.
Yeah, well if it makes you feel any better, they did the same thing to me.
So, what's your assignment? Stay close to Prince Clavor, my vapid little fiance.
And if he assumes the crown, kill him.
Well that makes sense.
I admire your dedication.
I wouldn't let them make me a statue for 80 cycles.
Interesting coincidence.
I was just having the same thought.
Are you wavering? And if I am? Would you hesitate to kill me if I jeopardized the mission? Jenavian, right? Thanks.
My name is John Crichton, an astronaut.
A radiation wave hit and I got shot through a wormhole.
Now I'm lost in some distant part of the universe on a ship, a living ship, full of strange alien life-forms.
Help me.
Listen, please.
Is there anybody out there who can hear me? I'm being hunted by an insane military commander.
I'm doing everything I can.
I'm just looking for a way home.
How you doing? Get away from me.
How dare you? You want a piece of me, hmm? Want a piece? Help, guards, help! -No, no, no, no.
Guards are taking five so the brothers-in-law can get to know one another.
Look, I'm sorry.
If someone tried to kill you using my name, they will pay! You're pathetic.
You cannot strike me.
I am royalty! (groaning) What do you want? Jena: Nothing, darling.
I want off this planet.
Now you're going to find a way to get Scorpius off my back.
Jena: Have we company? Your sister, she gets to marry who she wants.
And you get to be king.
Jena: Clavor, I'm trying to bathe.
Oh my, the future Mrs.
Valiant.
We're just getting to know one another.
You should get dressed.
Do not try to kill me again.
It makes me angry.
Is everything all right? He needs a bath and a hug.
Get my mother.
Get my mother! D'Argo: I demand better protection for him.
You cannot assault a member of the ruling house.
Well, he was trying to have me killed.
You bitch slapped the trill.
-I did, yes.
We could find no evidence of an attack.
Look, the same weapon that they used on me was used to disintegrate the assailants, okay? By a mysterious savior you can't identify.
I was having my ass wiped across the floor.
I did not take time Are you doubting Crichton? Well, it is a weird story.
-You are not helping.
-Chiana! I will upgrade security.
I will alert the Empress but I will not accuse the Prince of treason without proof.
But you believe me, don't you? The reason your charges against the Prince will be met with skepticism is that the Empress, and, by extension the entire royal family, abhors personal violence.
Follow me.
(door slams) You humiliated me.
That's enough, okay? You have made your point.
I don't think I have.
Clavor went to my mother and detailed your obnoxious behavior.
My obnoxious behavior? Yes.
My brother poisoned my DNA, I know, I am not a fool.
But he would never kill anyone.
Well, a Scarran might.
They are playmates, you know that.
Look, if you don't want to marry me, just say so.
I already said so.
Lady, we have been over this ground with a backhoe.
It works for both of us.
It saves my life, it saves your ass.
Okay, I did deserve that.
My mother now considers you unstable.
Hmm.
She wants more medical tests.
Katralla, listen to me.
Your brother sent men to kill me.
Now John cannot marry Katralla if John is not alive.
Clavor is weak.
I cannot believe that he would participate in such a heinous act.
That means you're lying.
And if so, I can't marry you.
Pilot: Zhaan, there's no doubt.
The smoke tendril has definitely invaded Moya.
Where, Pilot? Which way? Directly above you.
Moving into the Maintenance Bay.
Pilot? -Still moving through Moya's ducts overhead.
Down the wall.
Where? Which wall? Pilot, where? (chirping) Ka-li-ta-na nash-po-nay, ka-li-ta-na nash-po-nay Be calm, priest.
I am the ship's deity, not yours.
Then you must be one of the ship's builders.
One of those who gave Leviathans intelligence.
Anybody can give a machine intelligence.
We gave her a soul.
Then I welcome you aboard.
I have been through Moya's system.
She is in good health.
And she has given birth.
Zhaan: To a male offspring named Talyn.
A gunship.
Not of her choosing.
While held captive against Pilots do not speak to Kahaynu.
A capricious deity.
We created these beasts as emissaries of peace.
Then you have succeeded, Kahaynu.
Moya is a gentle soul.
And is able to reproduce ships that can dispense carnage.
I am here to decommission Moya.
To end her existence.
Aeryn: Honestly, Chiana, as long as Crichton's all right, I don't know what else I can do.
Go to him.
He's already made his decision.
He needs us now.
He needs you.
He needs more bodyguards, and you said that's happening.
Have you even told him how you feel? He knows what he needs to know.
Look Aeryn, all men are stupid, okay? Men, stupid.
If you want them to know something, you've got to tell them.
I trust I'm not disturbing you, but I'm planning a trip to the edge of the Barren Lands, to watch the pelgrinos migrate, and thought No, thank you.
I sense unhappiness that your friend Crichton is marrying our Princess.
Oh, yes? And why would that make me unhappy? I simply offer myself as a diversion.
(scoffing) Besides, you never know.
We could be extremely compatible.
(water splashing) Now, don't feel bad.
It's not you, it's me.
I don't like you.
Well You certainly have made your feelings clear.
Mm-hmm.
So now you want to marry? Well, it works for the situation.
Look, John, I'd like to believe you.
But our investigators have uncovered no trace of the events you describe.
What about the guard that was killed when they came after me? Where's he? He could be anywhere.
Yeah, he's everywhere.
He's in Heaven.
(mechanical beeping) Do we know this? I've never seen anything like it before.
Obi-Wan had one.
Except his was a lot smaller.
(beeping) John, it's locked! What? Hello? Hello, can anyone hear me? Open the door! Hello? Get down! -Help! Can anyone hear? Get down! Hello! Hello! Open the door! Katralla! Get down! Is there another way out? -I don't think so.
Just keep your face to the floor, shallow breaths.
(coughing) John.
This way.
What? Come on.
This way.
Katralla, come on.
(coughing): I doubted you.
I'm sorry.
Oh, it's all right.
It's just a burden being right all the time.
(coughing) Your word is worthy.
I will marry you.
That's unacceptable, Dominar Rygel.
John Crichton may not leave this planet, but I will protect him.
(chuckles) I've noticed how efficient that is.
Security was tripled.
This device was unknown to us.
There was no way we could predict its application.
You know why it's unknown to you? Because it's probably Scarran.
The same Scarran who's in conspiracy with your son.
Silence.
You may have once ruled 600 billion, but you will not besmirch my son's name.
(snorts) Aren't we past that, Novia? You posture and deny any longer, and we both lose what we want.
If Crichton leaves, he will flee.
Not if you control the situation.
Stash him somewhere.
Moya's gone.
He's got nowhere to go.
At least give yourself time to identify the conspirators, other than your son.
(chuckles) (sighs) Are you familiar with the Jakench race? The little green creature who saved Crichton and your daughter? Precisely.
Her Elders Council has sent a ship filled with wedding gifts.
It orbits unattended, unnoticed.
(chuckling) Excellent thinking.
Do you employ a detail of guards above treason? I shall send my very own paladins.
I propose we tell no one.
Not my shipmates or your daughter.
Let them all think that Crichton's disappeared.
(chuckling) Throw them off the scent.
Encourage those who are intent on assassination to grow careless.
Precisely.
You are most wise, Empress.
And you are most manipulative, Dominar.
(chuckling) This servant.
You trust it? With my secrets and my life.
ro-NA will not betray us.
(electronic humming) Something wrong? It's so much currency.
One quarter down payment for your excellent services.
Three times as much upon completion of your assignment.
(sighs) Do you know what this is? A Trans-Sequence-ldent Wafer.
Do you know what to do with it? Yes.
Good.
(squeals) I predict that very shortly you'll be the wealthiest Jakench in this part of the galaxy.
Thank you.
Interesting creature.
Pitiful, really.
Notify Lieutenant Braca that at the conclusion of his mission, There are to be no witnesses left behind.
Oh, to be there when the scales fall from John Crichton's eyes.
(snarls) I take it, we are clear.
No one following.
You show the way.
Dominar Rygel said you must insert this before ascending.
I've already altered our trans-sequence identity code.
We won't track as a Leviathan Transport Pod.
He said it was a last minute security procedure in case we've been compromised.
I'm sorry.
I don't understand these things.
I do not like skipping out without people knowing.
I thought that was the point.
The point is to hide from my enemies, not my friends.
Your Highness, the two attempts on your life demand extreme security.
And counselor Tyno will be looking for this new code on his tracking screen.
All right.
Thank you.
(electronic beeps and buzzes) Buckle in, boys and girls.
Emergency exits, hamman side.
I'm driving.
Zhaan: Pilot! You must arrest her actions.
Moya cannot be doing this willingly.
She is shutting her own systems down in sequence.
I cannot override.
Zhaan: Moya! Hear me! Whatever this Kahaynu has done to you, it is not in your self-interest.
How egocentric.
As if your way were the only way.
I am a priest.
I have long ago come to terms with the idea that alien life practices alien ritual.
But all life cherishes life.
Moya can reproduce gunships.
Moya must be decommissioned.
She trusts my suggestion to guide her.
You will never convince me that Moya is doing this willingly.
Then let her do it.
Moya: Moya fulfilled Moya? Moya Go Willing Willing Willing.
Yes Peace This is an abomination.
I'm so filled with uncharitable rage.
No! (sobbing) You weren't going to tell us that John was leaving the planet! It wasn't my idea.
Grab Empress Novia by the throat if you dare.
When did the Transport Pod disappear? lmmediately after passing through our weather layer.
There's been no signal from it whatsoever.
Oh, did it explode? -Not that I can tell.
Was it commandeered? -Could it have landed somewhere? No! This is Scorpius, I'm sure of it.
No, the Scarran.
Hey! You and the Scarran, not a good idea.
Remember the last time? Let me try first.
Rygel: I'll, uh be with the Empress.
(grunts) I'm sorry.
I know the worst is being left behind.
Is there a reason your ship is so far from the others? It's an automated cargo runner.
Isolation makes it harder to find and discourages looters.
And why would someone want to loot an empty cargo runner? Only empty of crew.
It is filled with wedding presents for the Princess and yourself.
Presents? No, no, no, no.
You have done enough.
I'm going to talk to the missus.
You can keep the presents.
You need a toaster, right? Toaster, toaster, toaster Oh, I couldn't, Highness.
It's John.
Look, I'm going to be a statue for 80 cycles.
Someone ought to use the stuff while the warranties are still good.
Our culture frowns on acquisition.
We live to serve, not to possess.
So you don't own your own stuff.
No.
To what end does possessory wealth serve? Whoa, good question.
Uh before I left Earth, I had a lot of things that were very important to me.
No more? (sighs) I live in a converted cell.
I don't have a VCR, no remote control, damn, no Charlie Parker albums, and I do miss my '62 T-bird.
T-bie, T-bie, T-bie, oh T-bird.
But you discover you need very little.
Uh, do you miss not having these things? Not really.
Priorities change.
I often wonder what I would do with wealth.
Well, I tell you what.
If there's ever anything I can do to help you find it, you let me know.
I shall remember those words, Highness.
It's John.
Yes, Highness, yes.
Poor Katralla.
So unaware of what it takes.
To be a slut, Jenavian? To keep a man.
I heard yours ran off rather than marry you.
Somebody tried to kill him.
Probably my brother, your fiancee.
What does that say about you? Honestly? That I pick winners.
You disgust me.
Hello, ladies.
-Let go of me! Hope I'm not disturbing.
-Let go of me.
Now, listen to me closely so that there's no misunderstanding.
I don't know what game's being played on this little planet of yours, and I don't really care.
What I care about is that a friend of mine is not hurt, in any sense of the word.
-How dare you! And if he is, I will personally take revenge on both of your overly made-up faces.
(sighs) He came into my chambers and he affronted me before my fiancee! I will have his head on a post.
Your Highness, silence! Your gas attack on Crichton and the Princess succeeded.
He has fled.
You have won.
I assume the gas attack was yours.
I wouldn't kill my own sister.
Then you are perhaps unworthy to be Regent.
Nevertheless, this impostor to the crown is gone.
Your sister's birth-versary approaches in two solar days.
Am I interrupting? Hey (Chiana chuckles) well of course I am.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's so, so hard to conduct a conspiracy without privacy.
Well, ask me.
I should know.
What do you want? I'm a Nebari.
You may have heard of us.
Leave this room now, child.
Well, you also may have heard how we can defeat full Command Carriers.
Not to mention, uh mind cleansing.
We are both impressed and daunted.
By all means, Nebari, continue.
So, uh if anything happens to John Crichton, expect, uh (snarls) expect retribution.
Yeah.
Retribution.
(whispering): Frell.
(snarling) What the hezmana was that all about? They don't know where he is either.
You are going to rule.
(loud clunk) (alarms sounds) Computer: Invader alert! Invader alert! depressurisation.
Occupant lighting mode.
Reduce by half.
Crichton: Wow, this place has an interesting smell.
It's not exactly five star hotel, is it? But at least it's off the main road.
(grunts) -Get down! Don't.
Oh, how disappointing you are in the flesh.
Oh, I get that all the time.
To think of all the energy Scorpius expended on you.
Yeah.
I'm not crazy about it either.
Notify Scorpius as instructed.
Sub-pulse shielded frequency.
A little reunion is in order, don't you think? Hmm? I've cut his transport loose.
It's drifting away.
The Marauder that's coming to pick us up will need to dock in its place.
Now where's the rest of my payment? When Crichton is safely aboard the Command Carrier.
That wasn't my arrangement with Scorpius.
I want my payment.
(high-pitched beeping) Ah, that will be him now.
You do not get the toaster.
So no one knows where we are? Both yours and this vessel have radically altered trans-sequence ident codes which identify us as derelict refuelers.
Scorpius (over hologram): Inventive.
Evasive.
In custody.
My commendations, Lieutenant Braca.
See to it that our quarry remain secure.
I want my payment.
But of course.
Lieutenant, reward our Jakench friend.
And at the conclusion of the mission, give her something additional from me.
(breathing excitedly) Your admirable associate, Ka D'Argo, was just here to see me.
Of course, since I have no idea where you are, he left feeling, well, unfulfilled.
Why don't you leave me alone, Scorpy? Because the wormhole technology locked in your brain makes you, to my knowledge, unique in the galaxy.
Unique.
And unique is always valuable.
Yes.
(mumbling): Unique, unique.
Stop or I will shoot you.
Really? You promise? -Sit down.
I said, sit down.
Crichton: Or what? You're going to shoot me? If I have to.
-Do me the favor.
I don't think so, you know.
I don't think Scorpy is going to give you your badge of commendation if you shoot "Unique.
" Sit down, or I'll shoot your limbs off one at a time.
Uh-uh.
No, no, no.
See, Human, Sebacean.
Human, Sebacean.
We're different.
One wound, I bleed out.
(imitating Scorpius): Oh, Officer Braca, what the frell happened, huh? Hmm, hmm, hmm? Fine, let's do it then! Let's do this thing! Come on, shoot me! Right here, right here! Oh, no, no, no, not the brain.
He wants the brain.
The heart, here.
The heart.
You shoot me in the heart.
Uh, kind of your left, right? Oh, yeah, my right, your left.
My left, your right.
Here, John Wayne Bobbitt.
Vienna Boys' Choir.
(singing soprano) You're insane! My sex life! Kill my sex life, now! Quick, shoot! Just shoot me! Crazy.
Ah, keep back! Get back or the white boy gets it! Oh man, don't let him kill me.
Don't let You people are so dumb.
Sit down! What's he done? -No, no, no! Coolant pumps cycling, fuel generation, generators cabling, weapons priming! -Weapons?! (whimpering) Shut them down! Shut the weapons down! Oh, oh, oh, shut 'em down yourself, Braca! Shut 'em down yourself! Over comms: Undeclared craft, you have engaged weaponry in a tactical free zone surrounding the royal planet.
Excuse me! Uh, should I get this? Stay away from the comms! -Power down your cells and identify yourself immediately! -Stay away from the comms! I said get Crichton! Undeclared craft.
You are in a tactical free zone.
ldentify yourselves immediately.
We're so screwed, man! We're going to die! Shut down now! Whoo, whoo, whoo! Look what you've done! (screaming) (grunting and yelling) Oh! Braca: Oh, frell! Crichton: Ho, ho, ho! (screaming) You're insane.
What? You just figured that out? I thought that was common knowledge.
We have got to get out of here now! Oh, really? All right, then! Do you want us both to die? You didn't think I was going to go alone, did ya? Bye, Crichton! The ship's yours! But I've got the helmet! (Crichton yelling): Oh, frell, frell, frell, frell, frell, frell, frell! (yelling) This is John Crichton.
I'm in the ship that This is John Crichton Scorpius: Focus, John.
Panic is unacceptable.
You will survive.
No.
You must survive.
No! You've come too far to die.
Never get off the boat.
Never get off the boat, man! (fires gun) (fires) (Crichton's heart pounding) (fires gun) (air decompressing) (coughing) (yelling) Kahaynu, present yourself! Kahaynu! I will speak with you now.
The spirit of the warrior resides in your priestliness.
The spirit of an executioner within yours.
Pointless recriminations.
Is there anything else you wish? As a symbiotic part of Moya, Pilot is trapped.
Build him a new ship so he he does not perish needlessly.
We are not prepared to do more than we have.
I should say goodbye before it is too late.
This is wrong.
I will not allow this! I've, uh, spoken to the Empress, John.
She's not going to do anything.
Three near-death experiences in a day and she's going to do nothing.
The Empress has put Scorpius on notice, the Scarran too, her son.
Everyone.
Security's so tight, that last night they burst into my room just as Chiana was, um screaming.
I'm tired of this.
It's all politics, John.
As in neutral, powerful kingdom, they expel someone during coronation it will have negative consequences which will ripple outwards.
You know, you're starting to sound like an old history professor.
Rygel's been very excellent at teaching me.
So, nothing has changed.
Options? Okay.
You could run as you did before.
Or you could submit and stay here.
Either way, I'll back whatever you do.
I'm very proud of you.
Really.
Yes.
Why? Being Crichton.
The Crichton I always knew.
Yeah? -Mmmm Getting my ass kicked all over the universe.
Putting yourself into a position to get your ass kicked.
Fighting, resisting.
Never giving up.
Aeryn, is there a way off this planet? Have you convinced Scorpius to stop chasing me? The Empress, is she no longer intent on her daughter being heir to the throne? Those are not good reasons for getting married.
I know.
Bigger picture.
Let's say that the idiot son inherits the throne.
He starts wars.
He makes bad alliances.
Millions of people die.
It's not that long of a time.
Oh, so you've rationalized this all out, have you? Aeryn, I'm tired.
What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do when there's no fight left? You run away.
With you? With all of us together.
What? You canât just quit.
I'm not quitting.
I just can't go on.
Was I wrong? You're no longer the Crichton I knew? I'm exploring the Barren Lands.
If you think you can keep up Moya has slipped from my consciousness.
She is gone and I am shortly to follow.
(sighs) Don't feel sad.
Our lives were good.
Moya is right.
We are fulfilled.
Pilot it has been a pleasure.
I am ready now.
I have seen the stars.
Hey, bro.
Glad to see you could make it.
Much fortune.
You're making a, uh mistake, Crichton.
Oh, I don't think so, Scorpy.
I had one request for a wedding present.
That you be banned from this planet forever.
(sniffs) Do you know what they said? Yes, Your Highness.
Oh.
(slow, dramatic music plays) Not you.
In the presence of the spirit, of all who have sacrificed so that we may rule ourselves in peace.
I call public the joining of my daughter and her betrothed in the sacred ceremony that shall ensure compassionate governance and harmony.
Should anyone among you feel cause to sway the will of love, to question the ability, the sincerity or the destiny of this union, rise now and be heard.
With your silence as benediction, I invite you to now rise and witness the crux of power pass from one generation to the next.
You will now be wed.
It is more obligation than honor.
You are not only responsible for each other, but for the lives of your subjects.
Do you accept this burden in matrimony? Without hesitation.
Without hesitation.
As reigning monarch, it gives me great pleasure to formally introduce our successors, the future Empress and Regent of this great and peaceful civilization.
Katralla and John.
(applause) Magnificent.
I smell power again.
Pieces of different kindling often build the strongest fire.
Thank you.
Hey, you were great.
Where was she, D'Argo? You must forget about Aeryn, John.
Thank you.
I, uh, recorded some messages, um, Zhaan, Pilot and Aeryn.
Yeah, I'll make sure they get them.
Thanks.
Hey, I love you.
-I know.
All right, all right, enough with the kissing and cuddling.
John.
I will stand beside you for 80 cycles with love in my heart, and long for the day when we may revive.
(beeps) (applause) Whoa.
Whoa.
It's calibrated only for Sebaceans.
Endure the pain, and rule wisely.
The time has come for farewells, my friend.
Oh, this is not happening.
Just feel free to wake me up anytime, D'Argo.
Well, now I can only speak truth.
And that comes as good and bad news.
All right, give me the bad news first.
The bad news is that you're married, and you must endure as a statue for 80 cycles in a strange world.
What's the good news? Chiana and I are having fantastic sex.
(laughs) (beeps) (screams) (applause)
-Aeryn! It's you, I find pleasing.
Chiana: Two drops from these little vials and we can tell if our DNA's compatible for children.
It's a whole world designed for your rutting instincts.
No! Please.
Tyno: You kissed our Princess.
Yeah, what the hell does that mean? -I want you to consider marrying her.
(both screaming) You will rule, not because you desire it Clavor, but because I do.
If you're not going to be king, Clavor, I'm not going to marry you.
Aeryn: When's the last time you saw a Scarran on a diplomatic mission? What is it, Pilot? The Builders.
Moya's creators.
You must exchange espousals.
-But I love you.
After we're married, and I mean right after we're married, they turn us into statues.
Oh, hello, Crichton.
My daughter or that abomination.
Choose.
He's in my head.
He scares me Aeryn, and I can't shake it.
I don't know what you're talking about but there's never been anything we couldn't overcome together.
Except each other.
Princess, will you consent to marry me? Yes.
Here's your wedding present from Prince Clavor.
(screaming) Now on Farscape Which branch are you with? Which branch? Jenavian Chatto, Disrupter, Peacekeeper Special Directorate.
Which branch? You should know I can't tell you that.
Frell.
Trust them to send in backup and not tell me.
Yeah, well if it makes you feel any better, they did the same thing to me.
So, what's your assignment? Stay close to Prince Clavor, my vapid little fiance.
And if he assumes the crown, kill him.
Well that makes sense.
I admire your dedication.
I wouldn't let them make me a statue for 80 cycles.
Interesting coincidence.
I was just having the same thought.
Are you wavering? And if I am? Would you hesitate to kill me if I jeopardized the mission? Jenavian, right? Thanks.
My name is John Crichton, an astronaut.
A radiation wave hit and I got shot through a wormhole.
Now I'm lost in some distant part of the universe on a ship, a living ship, full of strange alien life-forms.
Help me.
Listen, please.
Is there anybody out there who can hear me? I'm being hunted by an insane military commander.
I'm doing everything I can.
I'm just looking for a way home.
How you doing? Get away from me.
How dare you? You want a piece of me, hmm? Want a piece? Help, guards, help! -No, no, no, no.
Guards are taking five so the brothers-in-law can get to know one another.
Look, I'm sorry.
If someone tried to kill you using my name, they will pay! You're pathetic.
You cannot strike me.
I am royalty! (groaning) What do you want? Jena: Nothing, darling.
I want off this planet.
Now you're going to find a way to get Scorpius off my back.
Jena: Have we company? Your sister, she gets to marry who she wants.
And you get to be king.
Jena: Clavor, I'm trying to bathe.
Oh my, the future Mrs.
Valiant.
We're just getting to know one another.
You should get dressed.
Do not try to kill me again.
It makes me angry.
Is everything all right? He needs a bath and a hug.
Get my mother.
Get my mother! D'Argo: I demand better protection for him.
You cannot assault a member of the ruling house.
Well, he was trying to have me killed.
You bitch slapped the trill.
-I did, yes.
We could find no evidence of an attack.
Look, the same weapon that they used on me was used to disintegrate the assailants, okay? By a mysterious savior you can't identify.
I was having my ass wiped across the floor.
I did not take time Are you doubting Crichton? Well, it is a weird story.
-You are not helping.
-Chiana! I will upgrade security.
I will alert the Empress but I will not accuse the Prince of treason without proof.
But you believe me, don't you? The reason your charges against the Prince will be met with skepticism is that the Empress, and, by extension the entire royal family, abhors personal violence.
Follow me.
(door slams) You humiliated me.
That's enough, okay? You have made your point.
I don't think I have.
Clavor went to my mother and detailed your obnoxious behavior.
My obnoxious behavior? Yes.
My brother poisoned my DNA, I know, I am not a fool.
But he would never kill anyone.
Well, a Scarran might.
They are playmates, you know that.
Look, if you don't want to marry me, just say so.
I already said so.
Lady, we have been over this ground with a backhoe.
It works for both of us.
It saves my life, it saves your ass.
Okay, I did deserve that.
My mother now considers you unstable.
Hmm.
She wants more medical tests.
Katralla, listen to me.
Your brother sent men to kill me.
Now John cannot marry Katralla if John is not alive.
Clavor is weak.
I cannot believe that he would participate in such a heinous act.
That means you're lying.
And if so, I can't marry you.
Pilot: Zhaan, there's no doubt.
The smoke tendril has definitely invaded Moya.
Where, Pilot? Which way? Directly above you.
Moving into the Maintenance Bay.
Pilot? -Still moving through Moya's ducts overhead.
Down the wall.
Where? Which wall? Pilot, where? (chirping) Ka-li-ta-na nash-po-nay, ka-li-ta-na nash-po-nay Be calm, priest.
I am the ship's deity, not yours.
Then you must be one of the ship's builders.
One of those who gave Leviathans intelligence.
Anybody can give a machine intelligence.
We gave her a soul.
Then I welcome you aboard.
I have been through Moya's system.
She is in good health.
And she has given birth.
Zhaan: To a male offspring named Talyn.
A gunship.
Not of her choosing.
While held captive against Pilots do not speak to Kahaynu.
A capricious deity.
We created these beasts as emissaries of peace.
Then you have succeeded, Kahaynu.
Moya is a gentle soul.
And is able to reproduce ships that can dispense carnage.
I am here to decommission Moya.
To end her existence.
Aeryn: Honestly, Chiana, as long as Crichton's all right, I don't know what else I can do.
Go to him.
He's already made his decision.
He needs us now.
He needs you.
He needs more bodyguards, and you said that's happening.
Have you even told him how you feel? He knows what he needs to know.
Look Aeryn, all men are stupid, okay? Men, stupid.
If you want them to know something, you've got to tell them.
I trust I'm not disturbing you, but I'm planning a trip to the edge of the Barren Lands, to watch the pelgrinos migrate, and thought No, thank you.
I sense unhappiness that your friend Crichton is marrying our Princess.
Oh, yes? And why would that make me unhappy? I simply offer myself as a diversion.
(scoffing) Besides, you never know.
We could be extremely compatible.
(water splashing) Now, don't feel bad.
It's not you, it's me.
I don't like you.
Well You certainly have made your feelings clear.
Mm-hmm.
So now you want to marry? Well, it works for the situation.
Look, John, I'd like to believe you.
But our investigators have uncovered no trace of the events you describe.
What about the guard that was killed when they came after me? Where's he? He could be anywhere.
Yeah, he's everywhere.
He's in Heaven.
(mechanical beeping) Do we know this? I've never seen anything like it before.
Obi-Wan had one.
Except his was a lot smaller.
(beeping) John, it's locked! What? Hello? Hello, can anyone hear me? Open the door! Hello? Get down! -Help! Can anyone hear? Get down! Hello! Hello! Open the door! Katralla! Get down! Is there another way out? -I don't think so.
Just keep your face to the floor, shallow breaths.
(coughing) John.
This way.
What? Come on.
This way.
Katralla, come on.
(coughing): I doubted you.
I'm sorry.
Oh, it's all right.
It's just a burden being right all the time.
(coughing) Your word is worthy.
I will marry you.
That's unacceptable, Dominar Rygel.
John Crichton may not leave this planet, but I will protect him.
(chuckles) I've noticed how efficient that is.
Security was tripled.
This device was unknown to us.
There was no way we could predict its application.
You know why it's unknown to you? Because it's probably Scarran.
The same Scarran who's in conspiracy with your son.
Silence.
You may have once ruled 600 billion, but you will not besmirch my son's name.
(snorts) Aren't we past that, Novia? You posture and deny any longer, and we both lose what we want.
If Crichton leaves, he will flee.
Not if you control the situation.
Stash him somewhere.
Moya's gone.
He's got nowhere to go.
At least give yourself time to identify the conspirators, other than your son.
(chuckles) (sighs) Are you familiar with the Jakench race? The little green creature who saved Crichton and your daughter? Precisely.
Her Elders Council has sent a ship filled with wedding gifts.
It orbits unattended, unnoticed.
(chuckling) Excellent thinking.
Do you employ a detail of guards above treason? I shall send my very own paladins.
I propose we tell no one.
Not my shipmates or your daughter.
Let them all think that Crichton's disappeared.
(chuckling) Throw them off the scent.
Encourage those who are intent on assassination to grow careless.
Precisely.
You are most wise, Empress.
And you are most manipulative, Dominar.
(chuckling) This servant.
You trust it? With my secrets and my life.
ro-NA will not betray us.
(electronic humming) Something wrong? It's so much currency.
One quarter down payment for your excellent services.
Three times as much upon completion of your assignment.
(sighs) Do you know what this is? A Trans-Sequence-ldent Wafer.
Do you know what to do with it? Yes.
Good.
(squeals) I predict that very shortly you'll be the wealthiest Jakench in this part of the galaxy.
Thank you.
Interesting creature.
Pitiful, really.
Notify Lieutenant Braca that at the conclusion of his mission, There are to be no witnesses left behind.
Oh, to be there when the scales fall from John Crichton's eyes.
(snarls) I take it, we are clear.
No one following.
You show the way.
Dominar Rygel said you must insert this before ascending.
I've already altered our trans-sequence identity code.
We won't track as a Leviathan Transport Pod.
He said it was a last minute security procedure in case we've been compromised.
I'm sorry.
I don't understand these things.
I do not like skipping out without people knowing.
I thought that was the point.
The point is to hide from my enemies, not my friends.
Your Highness, the two attempts on your life demand extreme security.
And counselor Tyno will be looking for this new code on his tracking screen.
All right.
Thank you.
(electronic beeps and buzzes) Buckle in, boys and girls.
Emergency exits, hamman side.
I'm driving.
Zhaan: Pilot! You must arrest her actions.
Moya cannot be doing this willingly.
She is shutting her own systems down in sequence.
I cannot override.
Zhaan: Moya! Hear me! Whatever this Kahaynu has done to you, it is not in your self-interest.
How egocentric.
As if your way were the only way.
I am a priest.
I have long ago come to terms with the idea that alien life practices alien ritual.
But all life cherishes life.
Moya can reproduce gunships.
Moya must be decommissioned.
She trusts my suggestion to guide her.
You will never convince me that Moya is doing this willingly.
Then let her do it.
Moya: Moya fulfilled Moya? Moya Go Willing Willing Willing.
Yes Peace This is an abomination.
I'm so filled with uncharitable rage.
No! (sobbing) You weren't going to tell us that John was leaving the planet! It wasn't my idea.
Grab Empress Novia by the throat if you dare.
When did the Transport Pod disappear? lmmediately after passing through our weather layer.
There's been no signal from it whatsoever.
Oh, did it explode? -Not that I can tell.
Was it commandeered? -Could it have landed somewhere? No! This is Scorpius, I'm sure of it.
No, the Scarran.
Hey! You and the Scarran, not a good idea.
Remember the last time? Let me try first.
Rygel: I'll, uh be with the Empress.
(grunts) I'm sorry.
I know the worst is being left behind.
Is there a reason your ship is so far from the others? It's an automated cargo runner.
Isolation makes it harder to find and discourages looters.
And why would someone want to loot an empty cargo runner? Only empty of crew.
It is filled with wedding presents for the Princess and yourself.
Presents? No, no, no, no.
You have done enough.
I'm going to talk to the missus.
You can keep the presents.
You need a toaster, right? Toaster, toaster, toaster Oh, I couldn't, Highness.
It's John.
Look, I'm going to be a statue for 80 cycles.
Someone ought to use the stuff while the warranties are still good.
Our culture frowns on acquisition.
We live to serve, not to possess.
So you don't own your own stuff.
No.
To what end does possessory wealth serve? Whoa, good question.
Uh before I left Earth, I had a lot of things that were very important to me.
No more? (sighs) I live in a converted cell.
I don't have a VCR, no remote control, damn, no Charlie Parker albums, and I do miss my '62 T-bird.
T-bie, T-bie, T-bie, oh T-bird.
But you discover you need very little.
Uh, do you miss not having these things? Not really.
Priorities change.
I often wonder what I would do with wealth.
Well, I tell you what.
If there's ever anything I can do to help you find it, you let me know.
I shall remember those words, Highness.
It's John.
Yes, Highness, yes.
Poor Katralla.
So unaware of what it takes.
To be a slut, Jenavian? To keep a man.
I heard yours ran off rather than marry you.
Somebody tried to kill him.
Probably my brother, your fiancee.
What does that say about you? Honestly? That I pick winners.
You disgust me.
Hello, ladies.
-Let go of me! Hope I'm not disturbing.
-Let go of me.
Now, listen to me closely so that there's no misunderstanding.
I don't know what game's being played on this little planet of yours, and I don't really care.
What I care about is that a friend of mine is not hurt, in any sense of the word.
-How dare you! And if he is, I will personally take revenge on both of your overly made-up faces.
(sighs) He came into my chambers and he affronted me before my fiancee! I will have his head on a post.
Your Highness, silence! Your gas attack on Crichton and the Princess succeeded.
He has fled.
You have won.
I assume the gas attack was yours.
I wouldn't kill my own sister.
Then you are perhaps unworthy to be Regent.
Nevertheless, this impostor to the crown is gone.
Your sister's birth-versary approaches in two solar days.
Am I interrupting? Hey (Chiana chuckles) well of course I am.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's so, so hard to conduct a conspiracy without privacy.
Well, ask me.
I should know.
What do you want? I'm a Nebari.
You may have heard of us.
Leave this room now, child.
Well, you also may have heard how we can defeat full Command Carriers.
Not to mention, uh mind cleansing.
We are both impressed and daunted.
By all means, Nebari, continue.
So, uh if anything happens to John Crichton, expect, uh (snarls) expect retribution.
Yeah.
Retribution.
(whispering): Frell.
(snarling) What the hezmana was that all about? They don't know where he is either.
You are going to rule.
(loud clunk) (alarms sounds) Computer: Invader alert! Invader alert! depressurisation.
Occupant lighting mode.
Reduce by half.
Crichton: Wow, this place has an interesting smell.
It's not exactly five star hotel, is it? But at least it's off the main road.
(grunts) -Get down! Don't.
Oh, how disappointing you are in the flesh.
Oh, I get that all the time.
To think of all the energy Scorpius expended on you.
Yeah.
I'm not crazy about it either.
Notify Scorpius as instructed.
Sub-pulse shielded frequency.
A little reunion is in order, don't you think? Hmm? I've cut his transport loose.
It's drifting away.
The Marauder that's coming to pick us up will need to dock in its place.
Now where's the rest of my payment? When Crichton is safely aboard the Command Carrier.
That wasn't my arrangement with Scorpius.
I want my payment.
(high-pitched beeping) Ah, that will be him now.
You do not get the toaster.
So no one knows where we are? Both yours and this vessel have radically altered trans-sequence ident codes which identify us as derelict refuelers.
Scorpius (over hologram): Inventive.
Evasive.
In custody.
My commendations, Lieutenant Braca.
See to it that our quarry remain secure.
I want my payment.
But of course.
Lieutenant, reward our Jakench friend.
And at the conclusion of the mission, give her something additional from me.
(breathing excitedly) Your admirable associate, Ka D'Argo, was just here to see me.
Of course, since I have no idea where you are, he left feeling, well, unfulfilled.
Why don't you leave me alone, Scorpy? Because the wormhole technology locked in your brain makes you, to my knowledge, unique in the galaxy.
Unique.
And unique is always valuable.
Yes.
(mumbling): Unique, unique.
Stop or I will shoot you.
Really? You promise? -Sit down.
I said, sit down.
Crichton: Or what? You're going to shoot me? If I have to.
-Do me the favor.
I don't think so, you know.
I don't think Scorpy is going to give you your badge of commendation if you shoot "Unique.
" Sit down, or I'll shoot your limbs off one at a time.
Uh-uh.
No, no, no.
See, Human, Sebacean.
Human, Sebacean.
We're different.
One wound, I bleed out.
(imitating Scorpius): Oh, Officer Braca, what the frell happened, huh? Hmm, hmm, hmm? Fine, let's do it then! Let's do this thing! Come on, shoot me! Right here, right here! Oh, no, no, no, not the brain.
He wants the brain.
The heart, here.
The heart.
You shoot me in the heart.
Uh, kind of your left, right? Oh, yeah, my right, your left.
My left, your right.
Here, John Wayne Bobbitt.
Vienna Boys' Choir.
(singing soprano) You're insane! My sex life! Kill my sex life, now! Quick, shoot! Just shoot me! Crazy.
Ah, keep back! Get back or the white boy gets it! Oh man, don't let him kill me.
Don't let You people are so dumb.
Sit down! What's he done? -No, no, no! Coolant pumps cycling, fuel generation, generators cabling, weapons priming! -Weapons?! (whimpering) Shut them down! Shut the weapons down! Oh, oh, oh, shut 'em down yourself, Braca! Shut 'em down yourself! Over comms: Undeclared craft, you have engaged weaponry in a tactical free zone surrounding the royal planet.
Excuse me! Uh, should I get this? Stay away from the comms! -Power down your cells and identify yourself immediately! -Stay away from the comms! I said get Crichton! Undeclared craft.
You are in a tactical free zone.
ldentify yourselves immediately.
We're so screwed, man! We're going to die! Shut down now! Whoo, whoo, whoo! Look what you've done! (screaming) (grunting and yelling) Oh! Braca: Oh, frell! Crichton: Ho, ho, ho! (screaming) You're insane.
What? You just figured that out? I thought that was common knowledge.
We have got to get out of here now! Oh, really? All right, then! Do you want us both to die? You didn't think I was going to go alone, did ya? Bye, Crichton! The ship's yours! But I've got the helmet! (Crichton yelling): Oh, frell, frell, frell, frell, frell, frell, frell! (yelling) This is John Crichton.
I'm in the ship that This is John Crichton Scorpius: Focus, John.
Panic is unacceptable.
You will survive.
No.
You must survive.
No! You've come too far to die.
Never get off the boat.
Never get off the boat, man! (fires gun) (fires) (Crichton's heart pounding) (fires gun) (air decompressing) (coughing) (yelling) Kahaynu, present yourself! Kahaynu! I will speak with you now.
The spirit of the warrior resides in your priestliness.
The spirit of an executioner within yours.
Pointless recriminations.
Is there anything else you wish? As a symbiotic part of Moya, Pilot is trapped.
Build him a new ship so he he does not perish needlessly.
We are not prepared to do more than we have.
I should say goodbye before it is too late.
This is wrong.
I will not allow this! I've, uh, spoken to the Empress, John.
She's not going to do anything.
Three near-death experiences in a day and she's going to do nothing.
The Empress has put Scorpius on notice, the Scarran too, her son.
Everyone.
Security's so tight, that last night they burst into my room just as Chiana was, um screaming.
I'm tired of this.
It's all politics, John.
As in neutral, powerful kingdom, they expel someone during coronation it will have negative consequences which will ripple outwards.
You know, you're starting to sound like an old history professor.
Rygel's been very excellent at teaching me.
So, nothing has changed.
Options? Okay.
You could run as you did before.
Or you could submit and stay here.
Either way, I'll back whatever you do.
I'm very proud of you.
Really.
Yes.
Why? Being Crichton.
The Crichton I always knew.
Yeah? -Mmmm Getting my ass kicked all over the universe.
Putting yourself into a position to get your ass kicked.
Fighting, resisting.
Never giving up.
Aeryn, is there a way off this planet? Have you convinced Scorpius to stop chasing me? The Empress, is she no longer intent on her daughter being heir to the throne? Those are not good reasons for getting married.
I know.
Bigger picture.
Let's say that the idiot son inherits the throne.
He starts wars.
He makes bad alliances.
Millions of people die.
It's not that long of a time.
Oh, so you've rationalized this all out, have you? Aeryn, I'm tired.
What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do when there's no fight left? You run away.
With you? With all of us together.
What? You canât just quit.
I'm not quitting.
I just can't go on.
Was I wrong? You're no longer the Crichton I knew? I'm exploring the Barren Lands.
If you think you can keep up Moya has slipped from my consciousness.
She is gone and I am shortly to follow.
(sighs) Don't feel sad.
Our lives were good.
Moya is right.
We are fulfilled.
Pilot it has been a pleasure.
I am ready now.
I have seen the stars.
Hey, bro.
Glad to see you could make it.
Much fortune.
You're making a, uh mistake, Crichton.
Oh, I don't think so, Scorpy.
I had one request for a wedding present.
That you be banned from this planet forever.
(sniffs) Do you know what they said? Yes, Your Highness.
Oh.
(slow, dramatic music plays) Not you.
In the presence of the spirit, of all who have sacrificed so that we may rule ourselves in peace.
I call public the joining of my daughter and her betrothed in the sacred ceremony that shall ensure compassionate governance and harmony.
Should anyone among you feel cause to sway the will of love, to question the ability, the sincerity or the destiny of this union, rise now and be heard.
With your silence as benediction, I invite you to now rise and witness the crux of power pass from one generation to the next.
You will now be wed.
It is more obligation than honor.
You are not only responsible for each other, but for the lives of your subjects.
Do you accept this burden in matrimony? Without hesitation.
Without hesitation.
As reigning monarch, it gives me great pleasure to formally introduce our successors, the future Empress and Regent of this great and peaceful civilization.
Katralla and John.
(applause) Magnificent.
I smell power again.
Pieces of different kindling often build the strongest fire.
Thank you.
Hey, you were great.
Where was she, D'Argo? You must forget about Aeryn, John.
Thank you.
I, uh, recorded some messages, um, Zhaan, Pilot and Aeryn.
Yeah, I'll make sure they get them.
Thanks.
Hey, I love you.
-I know.
All right, all right, enough with the kissing and cuddling.
John.
I will stand beside you for 80 cycles with love in my heart, and long for the day when we may revive.
(beeps) (applause) Whoa.
Whoa.
It's calibrated only for Sebaceans.
Endure the pain, and rule wisely.
The time has come for farewells, my friend.
Oh, this is not happening.
Just feel free to wake me up anytime, D'Argo.
Well, now I can only speak truth.
And that comes as good and bad news.
All right, give me the bad news first.
The bad news is that you're married, and you must endure as a statue for 80 cycles in a strange world.
What's the good news? Chiana and I are having fantastic sex.
(laughs) (beeps) (screams) (applause)