Grounded For Life (2001) s02e12 Episode Script

What did you do, hide the flashlights? I had to.
The kids were screwin' around with them so much, I was afraid the batteries would be dead in case of an emergency.
That was some smart thinking.
I hope you didn't do that with the fire extinguisher.
No.
No.
I just threw that out.
Hey, dad? I didn't find a flashlight, but I found Mr.
Bones.
He glows! It's a blackout, dufus.
We need real light.
Fine.
Keep looking.
In an hour, you'll be begging for Mr.
Bones.
Did I miss the kickoff? No, but you will.
The TV's not even on.
It's Super Bowl Sunday! Dad, will you look around you? The power's out.
Oh, yeah.
My son Sean If-it's-not-a-red- envelope-I'm-not-paying-it Finnerty.
No.
No, dad.
Juice is out on the whole block.
Well, that's weird.
There wasn't a storm or anything.
Well, maybe everybody's watchin' the Super Bowl and it overloaded the power grid.
But the game hasn't even started yet.
Maybe they're watchin' the pre-game.
Nobody watches the pre-game.
OK! Dad, look.
Bad things happen in life, OK? We muddle through best we can, even on Super Bowl Sunday.
Now, it's dark, I gotta find a flashlight to protect my family, and I don't have time to play 20 questions with you.
- Fine.
- Good.
So why are you limping? Uh, 'cause I caused the blackout.
Ah! If you'll excuse me now, I have to go to the basement where I think I left the flashlights.
- Henry? - Yeah? I need Mr.
Bones.
First rule of a blackout, Jimmy.
Eat all the frozen stuff before it spoils.
Great.
Start with the ice cream? No.
We're starting with the meat loaf.
Oh, great.
Oh, I got it, I got it, I got it.
one of these spinny things.
Wow.
Let me see what I got in my car.
So, uh, what are you doing with the meat loaf? In a crisis, you improvise.
I give you the meat torch.
Henry! Sorry! It's a reflex.
Finnerty! Finnerty! Oh, God.
What now? Finnerty! Finnerty! Yeah.
You got any batteries I can borrow? Hey, come on.
We got a blackout over here, too.
Well, that's not my problem.
I got a house full of guests.
Super Bowl party.
I was gonna invite you, but I didn't.
Oh, thanks anyway.
Well, what the hell happened? I don't know, you know? I called the Con Ed guy over an hour ago.
I'm sure the power's gonna be on pretty soon.
I hope so.
The ham's gettin' cold, and the beer's gettin' warm.
Well, why don't you try wrappin' the ham around your beer? That might work.
Good news.
I found some candles in the bathroom.
They're scented.
Which scents? Hmm.
Vanilla, pomegranate, and I don't know.
Salmon? Oh, OK.
You should always keep emergency lights in your car.
Plus a blanket, potable water, first-aid kit, canned food, flares-- I know, dad.
You tell me all the time.
Uh-huh.
And what do you have in your car? Half a roll of certs and a map of Delaware.
Let me ask you this: How does one man cause a blackout? OK, you know that, uh, overgrown oak tree out front? Well, the wind was blowin' all last week, and it was knockin' the branches into the house, and Henry was havin' a hard time with it.
Let me out! No! You're dead! I'm undead.
Well, that's even worse! Come on, Henry.
I'd let you out of your coffin.
I'm not in a coffin! You will be.
OK.
Now, I'm definitely not letting you out.
Damn it.
It was a joke.
No, it wasn't! You know what, just leave me alone.
Aah! Aah! Ow! OK.
Now you're really in trouble! Mom! OK, OK! Sweetie, sweetie.
You're awake, you're awake, OK? Was it the coffin dream, Henry? - Yes.
- OK, Henry.
I promise you, if we ever put a coffin in your room, we'll put a lid on it really, really strong so no zombie could ever get out.
Is that the best you got? Yes.
I'm half asleep here, all right? You know, I had a nightmare, too.
What was it, Jimmy? Well, I dreamt that my brother was a little baby whose screaming woke me up every single night.
Wait a second.
That wasn't a dream.
That's my reality! You shut up, Jimmy! All right.
That's enough.
That's it.
Really.
Honest.
Tomorrow.
You gotta call the tree guy.
OK.
OK.
That's it right there.
That little branch.
Sure.
I can take care of it.
It's gonna run you about $500.
for 3 minutes of sawing? It just--it's just a branch! Well, I gotta get a cherry picker over here, secure a fall line, hire a man to get up there-- OK, OK.
You know what? I got it myself.
Sir, for something like this, you need a tree surgeon.
Yes, Sean.
You're not a tree surgeon.
Oh, that's right.
I'm no qualified tree surgeon.
So you'll let me know? Although I did attend tree surgeon university medical school international and I worked with a particular tree surgeon anesthesiologist-- Oh, nurse! Look, a woodpecker has attacked this tree! It's--clear the O.
R.
! I need 6 liters of sap, stat! Come on! Come on! I don't wanna lose you! No! No! Not on my watch! Come on, baby! Epinephrine now! Oh, yes! I think we got him back! We have a pulse! Claudia? Don't tell me.
You went in the tree.
Yeah, dad.
I went in the tree.
You don't even have the tools.
Hey, I got some tools.
Sean, I'm going to the store.
Be careful up there.
What? I said be careful.
Oh, yeah.
That's the one thing I forgot-- To be careful with the saw Thank you for reminding me.
You're welcome.
If you go to the hospital, don't forget to bring your arm.
Lily? Aah! Oh, my God.
Lily is smokin' the hippie lettuce? Oh, come on, dad.
Take it easy, all right? It's taken care of.
Finnerty.
My guests and I were just out front talkin' to the Con Ed guy, and he thinks he found the problem.
Oh, that's great.
Yeah.
He thinks it might have something to do with this.
Oh.
Well, I think we can all agree that that's the wrong tool for the job.
Yeah.
What was "S.
Finnerty" thinkin'? OK.
OK, look.
I might have accidentally, uh-- You've said enough, Sean.
Let me handle this.
Guys, my brother didn't do anything wrong.
You're guests in his house.
Hey, it's OK, Ed, I-- No, it ain't OK.
You don't owe anybody an explanation.
Except maybe this guy.
OK.
Look, guys.
I'm sorry, all right? It was an accident, but, come on, it's just--it's just a football game.
It's just a football game? It's the Super Bowl.
Yeah.
Well, come on.
The Super Bowl's always dull.
Oh, my God.
Is that a TV? Is the game on? I think that's Kurt Warner.
No.
That's Marshall faulk.
I think it's an eyelash.
Hell of a super bowl party, Sean.
I'm gonna go find Lily and see if I can catch a buzz.
Oh! Sean, I am so sorry! I really owe you an apology about what I said before.
I really shouldn't nag you about being careful.
- Claudia, I-- - No, no, no, no! It was really bothering me while I was at the store and walking home and Stepping over that broken tree limb and the sparking power lines.
OK, OK, Claudia.
I could be more careful.
You think? Yeah, actually Actually, he's got a good excuse for being distracted.
See, Lily had-- Dad, dad! Uh, uh, uh, uh! Oh! It's got nothin' to do with Lily.
This is all about me.
Listen, baby, I'm sorry I was so careless.
Can you forgive me? No.
I'm gonna need to hang on to this one for a little while.
OK? I'll be down in a little bit to mock you a little bit more.
Lookin' forward to it.
Here you go.
There's about I don't get it, Sean.
Why didn't you just tell her about Lily? Well, if I told her that, then I would have to tell her about everything else.
Whoa.
Are you OK? No.
What happened? You know what happened.
I saw you with the bag of pot! That doesn't sound like me.
Well, it was.
Where is it? Huh? Huh? Don't go in there! That is my underwear drawer! Aha! Here it is.
That's not mine.
That's not yours.
Is that the best you could do? It's the truth.
It's not.
Well, then whose is it? Yours.
Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it is.
Hey, move over.
I can't see the screen.
You think I can see? Ow! Get off my foot! God! Hey, kid, give me that TV.
Hey, hands off, no-neck.
Everybody just relax, all right? I'll describe what's going on.
All right.
That's a good idea.
All right.
So, the guy's kicking the ball-- What is it? A punt or a field goal? What's the difference? Well, was anybody holding it for him? I don't know.
That part's over.
I can't remember.
N-n-now, did he catch the kick? I don't know.
You were talking to me.
Well, what's happenin' now? Stop yelling at me.
You're making me nervous.
Oh, man! Oh! Kid, do you know anything about football? I know that it's played by a bunch of muscleheads who can't even count their toes.
Hey, I used to play football.
Oh, well, go ahead and take off your shoes, and we'll give you a hand.
I've got ice-cream sandwiches.
I'll take one of those.
I don't think you heard me.
I said I've got ice-cream sandwiches.
Well, that sucks.
Nah.
I'm just kiddin'.
I'll sell you one.
Well, it's nice that you can share your stash with your daughter.
Yeah.
Thanks, dad.
No, really.
Maybe you can buy her a hooker for her birthday.
Why would I buy her a hooker? To smoke her weed in.
It's called a hookah.
Well, you oughta know, waste-case.
Hi, babe.
Was Eddie in our bedroom? I don't know.
Why? 'Cause, uh, 'cause I found a little-- Some item on our, uh, bed.
Oh, don't worry, Claudia.
I'm hip to the pot scene.
What's goin' on? Claudia, I didn't wanna worry you, but I found that pot on Lily.
Lily has pot? Had.
She had.
I took it from her.
Took it back! Dad, why don't you just go watch the game? It was Sean's.
You had the pot? Yes! Yes.
And then Lily took it from me.
And she smoked it? No! Absolutely not.
I got to her just in time, and I handled it very beautifully.
Where you got the pot is not relevant.
I got it from you.
Like I said, not relevant.
The question is, why do you have it? Dad, I wasn't looking for it.
I just wanted a sweater.
Mom, where's your red sweater? You can't wear it! I'm not going to.
Where is it? Get out of my closet! Whoa.
And what were you thinking of doin' with this? Well, I was gonna smoke it all and go crazy as a warning for other teens.
Come on.
Dad, what do you think? I'm not a kid anymore.
I'm curious.
What about all those times I told you don't do drugs.
Well, that's before I realized you didn't want me to do yours.
Come on.
This stuff's been in my closet for years.
And why should I believe that? OK.
I admit it.
I've smoked pot in my past.
OK? But believe me, they were not my finest hours.
Whoo! So, the guy's out in the woods-- hee hee hee! He's got--he's got his gun, and he's-- He's, like, bear huntin', and then he sees the bear, and--pow! And he misses the bear, and then the bear comes over, and he just tears this dude's pants off, and he's, like-- Hee hee hee! Hee hee hee! Have you heard this one? No.
So--hee hee hee! Hee hee hee! Hee hee hee! So, wait.
He comes back in the woods, and he's got--he's got, like, a tank, you know? And, he, like--boom! He kills the bear! No, the bear's not dead, 'cause the bear says-- Hee hee hee! He goes, you don't come out here to hunt, do you? Hee hee hee! No, no, no.
You're tellin' it wrong.
There's this hunter-- Right.
And he's huntin' a bear--hee hee hee! That's not funny.
That's the point.
It's not funny.
It's stupid.
I was stupid.
That's what pot does.
It makes you stupid.
So, just--just do me a favor, OK? Just learn from my mistakes? OK.
All right.
You're a great kid, Lily.
I mean that, and I'm glad we had this talk.
Me, too.
Hey, w-w-what are you doin'? I'm takin' this to the party.
Didn't you hear a word I just said? Yeah, but I already told my friends I had it.
I'll look like a liar.
Aw, that's a real damn shame.
Dad, what about that whole story you just told me about always keeping your promises? There was nothin' like that in my story.
I thought the bear represented truth and honesty.
OK.
Look, Lily.
I can't stop you from tryin' pot, but I can stop you from tryin' this pot.
Well, she didn't like it, but I'd rather be right than popular.
Wow.
I am really impressed.
Thank you.
Can I ask you one question? Sure.
Why do you have pot in our house? I--I don't see how that's germane.
Our daughter wouldn't have it if you didn't have it.
OK.
Come on.
If she really wanted to try pot, she's gonna get her hands on it one way or another.
Yeah.
It will grow anywhere.
Throw a couple of seeds in a broken birdbath, next thing you know you got a 5-foot plant.
That's what's growing in my birdbath? No.
No, dad.
You told me it was cannabis.
It is, it is.
I promise.
Well, it better be! So, what, are you giving all our beers over to O'Keefe and his buddies? Giving them? No.
I'm not giving them.
I don't believe you.
Oh, come on.
Why are you on such a high horse? You're no better than I am.
Uh, I am better than you.
Oh, oh, OK.
Come on.
Like you never toked it up before? A little.
But You remember what it did to me.
So they're sneakin' through the woods, and the bear comes up behind him and tears off his pants, and he starts doin' him-- Knock it off! What? Stop talkin' about bears.
What, are you scared? We're out in the woods.
We're 20 feet from white castle.
Oh, except last year, remember, there were those 2 kodiak bears that escaped from the Staten Island zoo.
That's what I heard.
Shut up! Yeah, I'm serious.
Was Wh-what was that? Wh-wh-what? No, that was-- that was, like, a kodiak bear.
Oh, God! Stop it! We better get out of here.
Don't show fear! It just attracts them! Shh, shh, shh, shh! No, no! No! Aah! Aah! Ha ha ha! Babe, come on.
We're different people now.
We don't hang out behind the white castle anymore.
I know that.
So, why do you need to hang on to the pot all these years? I don't know.
I mean, why do you hang on to your bridesmaid dresses? You're never gonna wear them.
They're expensive.
So is pot! Yes, but I'm not worried the kids are gonna find them.
Are you forgetting something? I'm a lady! I'm gonna throw this away.
Fine.
Wait! You're gonna throw it away? What? You wanna smoke it? No! N-no, no! Well, I'm throwing it away.
Fine.
Good.
Fine.
Hold on a second! What? Well, it's just I just like havin' it around.
It's not like I wanna smoke it.
It's just nice to know I could if I wanted to.
It's like my security pot, you know? I mean, you do realize that even if you did smoke it, you wouldn't magically become a teenager with no responsibilities, right? Yeah.
You're right.
You know what? Throw it away.
Just throw it away.
OK.
Hold on a second! Let me do it.
All right.
OK.
Good-bye.
Wait a minute.
This is oregano.
What? Yeah! That's oregano! Oh, my God.
Lily! Lily stole my weed! All right.
Well, here's the snap.
The quarterback drops back.
It's a reverse! No, a double reverse! Oh, man, the defense is totally suckered! He's at the 30, the 20, one man to beat Touchdown! And we're tied! Unbelievable! What a game! Oh, man, this is great! You know, it's almost like we're there! You know, in front of the television.
Yeah! I'm gonna kill her.
I'm gonna drive over there, pick her up, take her back here, and kill her.
Do you even know where she is? Yeah, yeah.
She's at Alison's house.
Which is where? Oh, God.
I'll have to look it up.
That's, uh, Mr.
and Mrs Alison's dad? He, you know, he's got a mustache.
He drives a green accord.
Tell the operator.
I'm sure she can track him down.
Oh, God.
You know what? No.
This is better.
This is better.
I'm just gonna wait.
I'm gonna wait and stew.
She's gonna wish I'd gotten to her first.
Yes! This is getting worse for her every passing second.
Hi.
I'm home.
You guys remember Alison and Alison's dad? That's him.
Shaved your mustache.
Still know it's you, buddy.
So, are you guys enjoying the game? Oh.
Yeah, yeah.
Of course.
Yeah.
Great commercials, huh? Ha ha ha! Those are the best part.
Always.
You know, like the dorito commercial with the girl in the laundromat-- whir whir-- And she catches the dorito in her mouth? Give me back my pot! What? You stole my pot, and I want it back! Honey? OK.
Bye.
What?! I trusted you.
I told you degrading stories from my past.
I didn't take it.
Ha ha ha.
Then please explain to us how this bag got full of oregano.
Oregano? Oh! Don't play dumb, Lily.
We know what you did.
Sean, calm down.
Oh, what? I'm gonna take parenting advice from you? But you should know-- Come on, Eddie! The stuff in that bag has always been oregano.
What? Remember when I used to work at Ray's pizza? You remember that? Remember when you used to come in? See your guy? Yeah.
Saw my guy.
You got it? I got it.
All right.
Take it easy with that stuff.
That's good stuff.
You know where it's from? It's from Maryland.
You know what that means? Mm-mmm.
That means it's good.
Excuse me.
Sorry.
Uh, this is empty.
What do you want from me? That's a popular spice.
Eddie! You had 2 children at the time.
I was lookin' out for you.
No, you weren't.
OK.
A couple of my friends came over, and your half got kinda, you know All right.
Well, hey, thanks for rippin' me off.
Ah.
Oh, God.
You know what, I hope you learned your lesson.
What, don't buy pot from uncle Eddie? No! No.
No.
If you ever think about usin' drugs, remember this: Your father loves you very much, he's crazy, and he owns a circular saw.
Got it.
All right.
So, it's a tie game.
The quarterback takes a shotgun snap.
He drops back to pass.
Blitz! Oh, my God! They've torn his arm off! Now they're hitting him with it! How can that not be a penalty? What are you talkin' about? Let me see that! Hey, the power's back! So, at the end of the third quarter, our score remains 43-6.
That's a blowout! What happened to the tie game? You lied to us! Lied? It was a boring game.
I made it interesting! I did it for you! No-necks! I wouldn't be so hard on your dad.
He's just lookin' out for you.
He's persecuting me.
I didn't do anything.
Yeah.
Right.
So you keep sayin'.
What's that supposed to mean? There's no chance in hell that you didn't pinch some of that weed.
It wasn't weed.
It was pizza topping.
And you smoked it.
Ha ha ha! OK.
We smoked it.
God, we're such idiots! Hee hee hee! I'm so wasted! How many fingers am I holding up? Oh, my God.
That doesn't even look like a hand.
I'm so starving! Ooh, me, too! I bet we got the munchies.
We do? Hee hee hee! I don't know why, but I could really go for a pizza.
You know, I could hook you up with some primo basil.
OK.
Leave me alone.
Hey, it's mellow, mellow-- Stop it! Come on.
Open it up.
No.
The coffin is full of candy.
You're lying.
Mom! Mom! What's goin' on? He's scaring me.
He won't let me out.
He started it.
Hey! I don't care who started it.
I'm finishing it.
Both of you, be quiet.
Good work, moron.
You got us both in trouble.
"Good work, moron.
You got us both in trouble.
" - Shut up.
- "Shut up.
" Ow!