I Didn't Do It (2014) s02e12 Episode Script

Okay, Haley, looking forward to meeting you, too.
Who's Haley? Are we being replaced? She can't replace good old Jazz and Deels.
We already got nicknames.
Haley is a new student at school.
I volunteered to show her around tomorrow.
I would've done that, but there's parts of school I still get lost in.
Hey, do me a favor and take a quick look in my ear.
Dude, I just looked in there, like, an hour ago.
Sorry.
I'm really excited about my new otoscope.
Ear health is super important, ya know.
You carry your own ear light, and you've never had a girlfriend.
Could there be a connection? Don't listen to him.
One of these days, you'll find a girlfriend.
Or a nurse.
So I guess we should get started on our science project.
Yeah, I guess.
You two are doing a science project together? How'd that happen? When all the good students partnered up, I was catching a desk nap.
And I was meditating.
You mean you were staring out the window? I call it meditating now.
Makes me seem all spiritual and junk.
Well, we should get out of their way.
Anybody up for a movie? Pacific Edge 3 just opened.
I didn't see the first two.
Catch me up.
Pacific Edge 1, aliens blow up California, and make Nevada the coast.
Pacific Edge 2, more aliens, now Missouri's the coast.
Which brings us to Pacific Surf's up, Cleveland.
Sold.
Let's go.
Ah, man, I really wanted to see that.
Deels, would you mind starting on the project while I go to the movie? Why don't you start on the project while I go to the movie? Why don't we both go to the movie and start on the project tomorrow? We're a good team.
Lindy, you're so nice to show me around.
Chicago is amazing.
I never rode a train in the sky before.
It's actually just an elevated train, but yeah, still super fun.
There are so many people here.
Where I'm from in Pinkneyville, everyone knows everyone.
In fact, half of the people who live there are Pinkneys.
And the other half are "Villes"? No, Ville isn't a name.
It's oh! You're joking.
You're the funniest person ever.
Anyway, this is Rumblejuice.
I hang out here a lot.
Oh, you see that guy behind the counter? That is my friend Garrett.
He's cute.
Yeah.
Yeah, he is cute, isn't he? How do you feel about ear health? Whoa! That's, like, the biggest cup ever.
I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed.
Maybe I should get some air.
I'm sorry.
It's my fault.
The sky train and the big cup all in one day.
It's too much.
All right.
Science project.
First order of business: Who's hungry? Why don't I get some snacks? Hey, let me get the snacks.
No, it's my house.
I should get 'em.
Yeah, but see, when I work on a school project, I'm always the snack-getter, and the other person's the work-doer.
But I'm usually the snack-getter.
- You know what this means, don't you? - What? Somewhere there's two work-doers starving to death.
Well, now what? One of us has to come up with an idea.
You go first.
Okay, I don't have all the bugs worked out on this one, but here goes.
It's a time machine.
We can't build a time machine.
I know; we only have two days.
But here's the thing.
We could take as long as we want, because whenever we're done, we can just travel back in time and turn in the project.
That actually sounded good for a second.
Come on in to Rumblejuice.
Best smoothies in town.
Let's go! Right in there.
I'll see you on the way home.
Uh, Betty? I think you're supposed to spin the sign, not use it to hurt the customers.
I gotta do something.
Business is down.
Have you tried advertising? That's what this is for.
You think I like smackin' people with a giant banana? Okay, maybe I do a little.
Ya know, I'm in the future publicists club at school.
Maybe I can think of some ways to increase your business.
- What's it gonna cost me? - Nothing.
- You're hired.
Hey, there he is.
Remember that girl who waved to you at Rumblejuice? So many girls wave at me.
I'm kidding.
Of course I remember.
Well, her name is Haley, and she told me that she thinks you're cute.
She did? Okay, tell me exactly what she said, word for word.
She said "he's cute.
" What else? No, on second thought, I don't wanna know.
She's a girl who thinks I'm cute.
I can live off this for six months.
No, Garrett, you gotta act on this.
I'm gonna give you her number so you can text her.
I've never texted a girl I like before.
I don't even know where to start.
First, you take out your phone.
Then you type in "Hi.
" "Hi" sounds like I already know her.
How about "Greetings"? How about I write this first one for you? That'd be great.
Okay.
Hi, Hayley.
It's Lindy's friend Garrett.
She gave me your number.
Winky emoticon.
One eye closed, one eye open.
She might think I have pink eye.
Okay.
How about Oh, smiley face with sunglasses.
That way, you're happy but cool.
I don't wear sunglasses.
It's not who I am.
Then we should definitely put it in.
You saying I'm not cool? With love.
And sent.
Thanks, Linds.
Look at you, settin' me up, and you don't even have a boyfriend.
Let's keep this on you, okay? Okay.
Change in location.
Get those science ideas flowing.
Right.
Smoothie? No, thanks.
And don't look out that window.
It's called meditating.
Logan, Delia, this is Aubrey, the girl I've been baby-sitting.
Hey, what's going on? We just played mini golf.
Oh, really? Who won? We weren't keeping score.
Jasmine threw her club at the windmill.
It was funny.
Aubrey, what did we say about oversharing? Why don't you wait here quietly, and I'll go get us some smoothies.
What are you guys working on? Just some stuff for science class.
Really? I love science.
Yeah, this is high school science.
Not fourth-grade potato clock science.
I made a potato clock in kindergarten.
With a snooze alarm.
So you really like science, huh? Oh, yeah, it's my passion.
Random question.
Are you good at gettin' snacks? Not really.
She's perfect.
All right, so what's your big idea to help me get more customers? - Twine.
- Twine? You want me to tie people up to keep 'em here? No.
Twines are short videos that kids like, and since most of your customers are around my age Okay, I got it.
I'm very tech-savvy.
So what channel are these twines on? How do I explain this? I don't.
Just stand behind the counter, and talk about Rumblejuice.
Action.
Hi.
I'm Betty LeBow, owner and operator of Rumblejuice, - Chicago's most - Time.
What's wrong? I was feelin' it.
- Twines can only be six seconds.
- Six seconds? My generation is known for its short attention span.
You kids can't pay attention for more than six seconds? What have those phones done to your brains? I'm sorry.
What have the what done to the what? Let's just shoot this.
And action.
Hi.
I'm Betty LeBow.
If you like smoothies, and who doesn't, then I invite Time.
Try it again.
And action.
Hi.
I'm I'ma start over.
- Action.
- I say action.
- Then say it.
- Action.
I'm Betty LeBow, owner and operator of Rumblejuice, Chicago's favorite smoothie shop.
- We're open seven - Time.
I'm takin' a five.
This is what happens when you mix old people and the internet.
So you get any fun texts lately? I don't know.
Why? My friend Garrett said he was gonna text you.
He did? Oh, I turned my phone off yesterday.
But I set a reminder to turn it back on.
But that was on the phone.
Here's a thought.
You can turn your phone back on and read the text.
Ooh, you're good with the thoughts.
- Could you check it? My nails are wet.
- Yeah, sure.
Let's see, let's see.
Oh, here it is.
"Hi, Hayley.
It's Lindy's friend Garrett.
She gave me your number.
" Smiley face with sunglasses.
- That's so sweet.
- Yeah! He's a good writer.
And cool, too.
You can tell from the sunglasses.
So? You gonna text him back? - Can you? - Yeah, sure.
Just tell me what you wanna say.
Okay, um, how about "Hey there"? No.
How about "Hey you"? No, um How about "You there"? Or maybe "Hi Garrett.
" Ooh, you're good at this.
Nice to hear from you.
Maybe we should hang out sometime.
That's perfect.
Now what? Should I wait till tomorrow to send it? Sent.
And there's already a dot-dot-dot.
He's texting you back.
And the dots are gone.
And they're back.
And they're gone.
Uh, would you just excuse me for a minute? Garrett, I'm with Hayley waiting for a return text.
What's the problem? Just say, "Hayley, I'd love to hang out.
You sound fun.
" And do the sunglasses guy again.
That went over big.
Can't wait till tomorrow.
I'm so excited we're finally gonna meet.
Hope you're still cute.
Panda sparkle emoticon.
I love pandas and sparkles.
How clever to put them together.
And I'm not the only cute one.
- Flower emoticon.
- Why flowers? Garrett got me flowers.
He's so thoughtful.
Hayley baked me some cookies.
She is so thoughtful.
Thanks for having us over for a playdate, Aubrey.
It's not really a playdate.
You just showed up, and my mom let you in.
Well, however it happened, we're here.
Don't you have friends your own age? Oh, sure, but they don't have the same interests that we do.
Like, I don't know, science.
We love science! You know, science is fun to talk about, but it's even funner to do about.
Or as we say in English, we like to make science projects.
I have a book that's filled with projects.
- Want me to get it? - As long as you're up.
And while you do that, - I'll get some snacks.
- Oh, one more thing.
When we do science projects, we like to do them as fast as possible.
Like, pretend they're due tomorrow.
I do them like they're due yesterday.
Wait, if she already did it yesterday, do we even have to be here? Just get the snacks, handsome.
I am so psyched you and Hayley are finally gonna meet.
Me, too.
So when is that gonna happen? You know how when you think about something too much, - you get real nervous? - Yeah.
Not gonna happen this time.
You made it! So Garrett, Hayley.
Hayley, Garrett.
Hi.
Greetings.
So many fun ways of saying hi.
So come on, let's sit.
Get to know each other.
So, Garrett, did you know Hayley just moved here - from Pinkneyville? - Oh.
Garrett's lived in Chicago his whole life.
Oh.
They're both in Illinois, ya know.
Oh.
Look at me doin' all the talking.
I didn't mean actually look at me.
You can look at each other and do the talking.
Well, um I like to read.
Me, too.
Mostly graphic novels.
Oh, like comic books? My baby brother loves those.
Graphic novels are not comic books.
- They're very different.
- How so? Well, they, uh I don't know, they just are.
Moving on.
So, Hayley, what else do you like to do? I like to fish.
I caught a 12-pound trophy bass once.
My picture's still up in the Pinkneyville Bait and Tackle, right above the worm bucket.
Uh, speaking of fish, I got a trout bone stuck in my throat once, and for three days, I was walking around, like, He has better stories than that.
Okay, it's done.
That looks great.
Is it a bug zapper? It's a particle accelerator.
Is that like a bug zapper? Okay, be honest, this is for a class, right? No.
We wouldn't ruin science by mixing it with school.
I know you're lying.
I'm not seven.
Okay, fine, it's a project for science class.
We needed help.
We're snack-getters.
I'm not ashamed to admit it.
It's who we are.
It's not right to have someone else do your work.
If you don't do it yourself, how will you learn anything? That sure makes you think.
So let's pack up this bad boy and get outta here.
Deels, I think what Aubrey is saying is we have to do the project ourselves.
I thought that was more of a suggestion.
Come on.
You know it's the right thing to do.
Of all the snack-getters in the world, I had to get one with a conscience.
You know, it's a very interesting word.
Because conscience has science right in it.
That's how you spell science? Yeah.
Good luck with the project.
So then, we got home from the emergency room, and I went to bed, but in the middle of the night, it started again.
They didn't get the bone out.
They said they did, but they didn't.
Um, you seem very different from your texts.
Only because there isn't an emoticon of someone choking on a fish bone.
You seem different, too.
Well, maybe that's because I didn't write my texts.
Lindy did.
What? Lindy wrote my texts, too.
That's not true.
Completely.
Did you send me flowers? No.
Did you bake me cookies? No.
So you've been texting for both of us? And sending presents for both of us? Basically, you've been having a relationship with yourself.
What?! No.
That makes me sound crazy.
I was just having a fake relationship while pretending to be the two of you.
Yeah, that doesn't sound better.
You guys, I am so sorry.
I just really wanted this to work.
I mean, Garrett, you are so great, and Hayley, you seem so nice.
I just I just thought that great and nice would be awesome together.
That's so thoughtful.
And so were the flowers.
You are such a great couple.
No, I wish you guys were a great couple.
Well, maybe we could be.
I'm willing to give it another shot.
I am, too.
- Wanna get a smoothie? - Sure.
I think I'm ready to face the big cup again.
Thanks, Lindy.
I owe you big time.
No problem.
And just one tiny suggestion.
Don't ever do the again.
What's goin' on out here? You've got a ton of new customers, thanks to me.
I posted a video of you trying to make a twine.
What video? It was just two hours of me messin' up and actin' like a fool.
I had to do some editing, but take a look.
Hi.
I'm Betty LeBow.
- If you ever happen to find yourself - Time! How can I do this in six seconds? - That's not long enough to - Time! What's wrong with your generation? No attention span, no brains, no nothin'.
Smoothie shop.
Should've gone with my first idea.
An adult diaper store.
Would've called it Rumblepants.
What am I doing with my life? You think I'm kiddin'? I will come over this counter and whoop your You made me look like a lunatic.
Thank you so much.
Einstein, Pasteur, Curie.
We know the names of the great scientists, but do we know what inspired them? I give you snack-getters, the unsung heroes of science.
Does the name Elsa Einstein ring a bell? Probably not.
We've all heard of her husband Albert, and his theory of something.
But ever stop to wonder who was behind him with a plate of nachos? And here's some food for thought.
Hold for laugh.
You don't read that part.
Ahem.
We all know the Wright Brothers, but maybe they would have gotten it wrong if it hadn't been for Mama Wright's delicious pizza rolls.
These are just a few examples of how snack-getters are the unsung heroes of science.
For more information, consult your internet.
And now, join us for a snack, won't you? I don't think we're gonna get a very good grade on this project.
That may be true, but at least we'll have a clear con-science.
Dad!