iCarly s02e12 Episode Script

Okay, next, Sam will add two cups of chopped chicken.
Ah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
There it goes.
And finally, the noodles.
Oh.
And then, you just stir until it's all evenly mixed.
And that's how you make-- chicken soup in a toilet.
In the toilet, yo.
Yeah.
Oh, yes.
And now, next on "icarly"-- we're gonna do something totally new.
There's a girl named Kathy right outside in the hall.
She goes to our school and we invited her to be on the show tonight.
Now, Kathy thinks she's here to play a new "iCarly" game-- but we're actually gonna pull a mind-blowing practical joke on her.
Gibby, get out here and get under the table.
Yeah, Gibby.
Woo.
Hey.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And now, please welcome our friend, Kathy.
Thanks for being on the show.
Sure.
So, what am I gonna do? You, ma'am, are gonna play a new game called-- "sniff those raspberries.
" Okay, Kathy, see this big bowl of raspberries here? Yep.
Your job is to sniff those raspberries.
You must inhale deeply.
Then, you tell us three words to describe exactly how they smell.
Got it? Oh, yeah, I guess.
Cool.
Ten seconds on the clock.
And now-- "sniff those raspberries.
" Woo.
Sorry, Kathy.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, bye, Kathy.
Yeah, thanks.
You're awesome.
Thanks for your help.
Bye.
Run along, now.
Just keep scurrying.
Tha you.
There you go.
Kay.
That wrapst up for this "icarly.
" 'Til next Tim keep your feet on the ground.
And your soup in the toilet.
Courage.
Woo.
And we're clear.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Woo.
Woo.
Good show, guys.
She was really scared.
Hey, how'd the show go? Awesome.
Rocked.
Good.
Now, who wants to go out for dinner and break in my fancy new credit card? Why did you get a new one? Because, you know, how I haven't been sleeping well 'cause of my stiff neck? Yeah.
Well, I tried to order two new special pillows online, but the pillow company declined my credit card, so I called my credit card company to complain.
How long does this story go on? It gets better.
Then I got in a phone fight with the customer service lady, so I told her, "nertz to you," and then I canceled that credit card-- it's not getting better.
--And then, I ordered this new one so that I could buy the pillows, and look, my new card has a hologram on it.
See? Happy bunny, sad bunny, happy bunny, sad bunny-- okay.
Happy bunny.
Let's go.
The bunny has conflicting emotions.
In five, four, three, two-- I know, you see somehow the world will change for me and be so wonderful live life, breathe air I know somehow we're gonna get there and feel so wonderful it's all for real I'm telling you just how I feel so wake up the members of my nation it's your time to be there's no chance unless you take one and the time to see the brighter side of every situation some things are meant to be so give me your best and leave the rest to me Come in, Freddie.
Why? I'm turning myself in circles without touching my feet to the floor.
Again, why? 'Cause I was bored.
Hey, how many people watched "icarly" last night? I don't know.
I'll check.
You know, I bet this is really good for your butt muscles.
Wait, do butts have muscles? Yeah, I think they do.
Okay, that's weird.
What's weird? Oh.
What's up? Well, I'm tryin' to log in to our "icarly" account, but it won't let me.
Did you change our password? No, it should still be samlovesham.
Okay, wait.
Now it's not even--no way.
What? We don't own iCarly.
com anymore.
What? Yes, we do.
No, look.
It says, "unable to charge "renewal fee.
Account closed.
" No.
It automatically charges Spencer's credit card every-- Spencer canceled that credit card.
Oh man.
We lost iCarly.
com.
All right, all right, just don't panic.
Just buy it back.
Okay, okay.
Hurry.
I am hurrying-- someone else already bought it.
Who? Somebody named Amanda valdez.
Amanda valdez? Who's-- oh, here, there's a photo in her profile.
Well, click it.
I am.
Here.
Mandy.
It's Mandy.
Our insane, biggest fan.
Whoa, it is her.
I know it's her.
Why would I say it's her if it wasn't her? Oh my go it's her.
Mandy bought our url.
Okay, calm down.
At least, it was bought by someone we know.
Yes.
Someone we know who's a lunatic, who wears a duck mask.
Remember the, "quack-quack, quack-quack, quack-quack?" Hey, I stopped by the market on my way home.
"iCarly's" been hijacked by a psychotic she-duck.
Mexican sponges.
Hey.
Have you guys seen Carly, Sam, and/or Freddie, the "icarly" gang? No? They called me here for a meeting.
Yo.
Any of you have seen Carly, Sam, and/or Freddie? No? Your loss.
Excuse me, I'm looking for-- They're here.
Move.
Hey, you guys.
Ow.
Ow.
Ow.
Mandy.
You got taller.
And louder.
And stronger.
I know.
I blossomed.
Let's sit.
Have you guys missed me? Oh, I got a special hat.
Look it.
With this remote control, I can click through a slide show.
These are screen grabs from "icarly.
" See? Oh, and here's me and my mom, and here's me with my dad before he left.
That is quite a hat.
So, uh, mandy-- yeah? What's up, Carls? Well, we wanted to thank you for buying iCarly.
com when it expired.
Uh-huh.
You really saved us there.
I know.
'Cause, like, what if some freak bought it? Right.
Exactly.
So, if you'll just sign this transfer document, we'll get the url back and you won't have to worry about it.
Oh, no way.
You won't sign iCarly.
com back over to us? Well, come on.
I mean, you guys almost lost it.
We can't let that happen again, right? It won't happen again.
It was just a screw-up with Spencer's credit card.
Whatever.
I'll just hang on to the url, and I'll be like you guys' manager.
Manager? Como? Oh, good news.
I got a new and improved duck mask.
Quack-quack, quack-quack, quack-quack, quack-quack, quack-quack.
Quack-quack.
Quack-quack.
Who's the duck? Our manager.
Quack-quack.
Man, she's weird.
Quack-quack.
Hey t-bo, where's my smoothie? Quack-quack.
Coming.
Hey.
Hi.
You order some pillows from pillow-my-head.
com? I did.
Yes.
Sign here.
Sure.
I am so psyched to get these.
I read that their pillows really support your head and neck while you sleep.
Yeah, that's pretty interesting.
So, where are my pillows? My partner's bringing them up.
That's probably him.
Whoa, wait, I just ordered two pillows.
No, you ordered 200 pillows.
Two-hundred? What person orders 200 pillows? You.
No, I didn't.
You signed for them.
Yeah but that was before-- no, no, no.
No, no.
You need to take 198 of these pillows back.
Hey.
Watch it, man.
Oh.
Stop.
Help me, Lou.
Please.
Don't.
No, wait, no.
No, no.
No.
No.
Get help.
Please.
No.
And now on "icarly," we'd like to present to you another original play.
It's called-- Can I pet your squirrel? Uh, little lady, this is no squirrel.
This here is a mustache.
Does he like nuts? Nuts? Your squirrel.
Is he nutty for nuts? Dear, there's nary a squirrel upon my face.
Once again, this is a mustache.
What's his name? Who's name? Your squirrel's.
Is it a boy squirrel or a girl squirrel? Well, now you surely must be an idiot, for there is not, nor has there ever been, a squirrel upon my lip.
Is his name, like, George? My goodness, when I tell you I don't have-- hey, guys.
Mandy, we're in the middle of a show.
I know, but I don't get it.
You don't get what? You know, that's obviously not a squirrel.
Mandy-- that's the joke.
Um, you all remember Mandy, "icarly's" biggest fan.
Boo-yah.
She bought our Web address.
So now she's our manager.
Uh-oh, part of your real hair is showing.
Here-- what? No, Mandy, no.
I'll go drop this in the trash.
Sam.
I'm gonna kill her.
Please join us on the next "icarly.
" I'm gonna kill her.
She's not gonna kill her.
I'm gonna kill her.
Freddie, turn the camera off.
Bye.
I'm gonna kill her.
Quack-quack.
Freddie.
And we're clear.
One for you, one for you, one for you.
Listen, Mandy.
You've been so-- helpful to our show.
Yeah, you're an awesome manager.
Hey.
You guys want some bagels? No, thanks.
Buck a piece.
We don't want any bagels.
I'll sell you the whole stick--$5.
Bye.
Anyway, Mandy, we'd just feel more comfortable if-- if you'd sign the iCarly.
com url back over to us.
I already gave it back.
When? After Freddie e-mailed me last night begging for it.
Does my tongue have a sore on it? I didn't e-mail you last night.
Sure you did.
You're freddieb123 @splashface.
com, right? No.
Oh.
Well, then who'd I sign the website over to? I'm Carly.
And I'm Sam.
Hello, former "icarly" fans.
I'm Nevel Papperman.
Welcome to the new iCarly.
com.
And now, Carly and Sam are going to visit my underarms.
We can't breathe.
Too bad.
Hey, what's up, Carly and friends? Nothing.
Everything.
Oh.
Well, that's not vague.
What's the problem? What is the problem? You got tricked into giving iCarly.
com to Nevel.
Papperman? Yeah.
And that little nub-munch took our website down and put up a puppet show making fun of us.
And he made our puppet personas sniff his pits.
Man, why is that little jerk always trying so hard to mess with you guys? Nice bird.
Stop it.
He's jealous.
'Cause "icarly" is just as popular as his stupid "nevelocity" site is.
And he still hates me because I refused to kiss him.
Why don't you go check out Nevel's site and see if he's sayin' bad stuff about us on there.
Okay.
Hey, I know how we can get the iCarly.
com url back from Nevel.
You do? How? Okay, first, we're gonna need three zebras.
That's it.
Come here.
Okay.
Where are we going? On an adventure? Whoa.
Here.
Blow up this garbage bag 'till it's full of air.
Why? You wanna help us get our site back or not? Of course I do.
Then blow.
On it.
Okay, what is that? A super-cool deep sea fishing rod.
I found it at the junkyard, brought it home, lubed it up, and it works great.
Yar, I've caught me another pillow-fish.
You've never fished before.
'Cause I never had a rod.
But now I do, which gives my pillows purpose.
You know, I could reel in a fish up to 300 pounds with this baby? I'm halfway there.
This day is so weird.
What's Nevel saying on "nevelocity"? Nothing.
He's just promoting another autograph-signing event for his fans.
He's so conceited.
Where's he signing autographs? When? This weekend at the Beverly garvin hotel.
Why? What if we show up there and trick Nevel into signing iCarly.
com back over to us? How are we gonna trick Nevel? As soon as he saw us, he'd know something was up.
True.
We could send Mandy.
Or what about Spencer? Nah.
Nevel's seen Mandy and Spencer.
But Nevel hasn't seen my great aunt Natalie.
We don't have a great aunt Natalie.
What size dress do you wear? Ten, why? Nevel Papperman.
Thanks.
That'll be $4.
Here you go.
Thank you for your support.
Pardon me.
Are you Nevel paper-man? It's Papperman.
Oh, yes.
I do so enjoy your website.
But I never knew you were such a handsome young boy.
I blush.
Well, hello.
You come here alone? Yes.
Go away now.
Here, young man.
If I could just get your autograph, I'd be-- come on, baby.
Let's go get us some chicken pot pie, huh.
No, I don't care for pot pie.
Run along.
Now, if you could just sign your name right here, you'd make me such a happy old woman.
Well, of course.
Now, who should I make it out to? Carly, Sam, or Freddie? I don't know those people.
Really? Now, now, no need to unfold things.
Oh, be quiet, Spencer.
You were just trying to get me to sign this url transfer document.
No, no.
I'm just a busty old woman.
Spencer.
You're not too old for me.
Beat it, buddy.
Oh my God.
Security.
Now you listen to me, Nevel.
You better give little sister her website back or I swear I will-- you'll what? You don't wanna know what I'll do-- that's the one.
That's a man-lady.
No, no.
I'm just a simple old lady from-- get him.
Get him.
I hate you.
Well, tell us what happened? Nevel figured out it was you.
And you got chased by security guards.
Okay, that's it.
Where are you goin'? To get our website back.
Look, why don't you just put the wig back on, and we can start all over.
Carly Shay.
I had a feeling I'd hear from you.
I want iCarly.
com back.
We all want things.
I mean it.
Carly, if you want your precious website back, all you need to do is ask.
Oy.
Can I have my website back? No.
Nub.
Don't be rude.
I'm just negotiating.
What do you want? The same thing I wanted the day we first met.
A kiss, a kiss is what I seek-- upon your lips-- no, not your cheek.
Okay, first of all, no one likes a rhymer.
Very well.
If you refuse to kiss me, I suppose I'll just have to keep iCarly.
com forever.
And there isn't a darn thing-- I'll do it.
Whoa, what? I said I'll kiss you.
You're trying to trick me.
I smell subterfuge.
No, Nevel, I'm tired of playing games.
You want a kiss, fine, I don't care.
I just want my website back.
Oh, well okay.
Meet me in the alleyway on the West Side of my apartment building.
Tonight.
Eight o'clock.
All right, but if you pull any shenanigans-- I won't.
Then I'll see you at eight.
I'll bring the url transfer document.
And bring your sweet lips.
Get ready, Carly Shay for a real kiss, from a real man.
Mother, run a bath.
Carly Shay.
You look lovely in low light.
Um, thanks? It was a compliment.
Whatever, let's just get this over with.
Nay nay.
You will have a pleasant attitude when you kiss me or the deal's off.
Okay.
But you sign this first.
No.
You kiss me first.
If I kiss you, how do I know you'll sign it afterwards? You don't trust me.
Smart girl.
Hand me the document.
Here you are.
Thanks.
And before you try to run away--raul? Alphonzo? Friends of yours? More like insurance-- to make sure you don't try to skip out on my kiss.
You don't trust me? Smart boy.
Yes.
Now, first, this.
No, first, this.
Wait.
What are you-- bye Nevel.
Wheee.
C'mon, Spencer.
Reel faster.
She's heavy.
Quack-quack.
Come on, Spence.
I'm not very comfortable.
Grab her.
All right, she can't go.
Hurry.
Grab her.
Come on.
Hold her.
Hold her.
Here we go.
Okay.
Well? Did you get it? Shoosh yeah, I got it.
Yeah.
Wait, wait, wait.
Thanks, Nevel.
You'll pay for this, Carly Shay.
I declare that you will rue this day.
You'll rue it.
Give me the guacamole.
Oh, yeah.
Rue this, Nevel.
What, what is she-- oh no.
So now, what should we do? So we could go to the mall, or if you guys are hungry we could stop by "inside out burger.
" And oh, there's a new movie out starring David schwimmer.
He directed it, too.
It's a story about two men who are opposites but share the same dream-- okay, I'll wait here in the hallway.