Lopez (2016) s02e12 Episode Script
Relevance
1 You know, Manolo, my whole career, nothing ever changes one big circle.
All the people who are supposed to believe in me, supposed to be at my side of the table all going against me.
I thought Olly was different.
She is different.
I never met anybody like her.
And she really cares about you, jefe.
I think it's this business, man.
Just constant rejection and the line between success and failure so thin that it eats at you.
You matter until you end up doing things that you thought would never do.
So are we moving to Brooklyn or are you doing anal? Are you listening to what I'm saying, fool? I'm not gonna let them turn "Valleys" into a shitty show.
I gotta use my success and end up making the show that I want to make.
Ãrale.
Hey, what's with the cookies and the phone? I eat when I'm nervous and I'm nervous when I don't know if I passed my GED.
I don't know if I passed.
All right, listen to me.
I'm positive that you're gonna pass that test.
- Really? - Definitely.
- That sounds good, jefe.
- You know what? I'm gonna call Greg at ABC directly, I'm gonna tell him I don't like the direction of the show, and I'm gonna demand a meeting.
I will commit every fiber of my being to "Valleys.
" I'll bring it in on budget, travel around the world to promote it if I have to, but the one thing I don't want to do is, I don't want to turn it into a half-hour sitcom.
We hear you.
Now, let us think about it and you think about it too.
There's a lot to take in.
Yeah.
Uh, you know, with all due respect, I'm not gonna budge on this, so there's really nothing to think about.
There's always something to think about.
- We'll walk you out.
- Yeah.
Let it all sink in.
There's no need to be rash.
- Yeah.
Oh, this way.
- Hey.
You know, it is amazing just how few roles there are for talented and experienced Latino actors.
It's a crime, really.
You know, I don't think I would feel right, letting you just go away.
They had a room full of dudes that looked like me, man.
They're trying to scare me.
- Did it work? - Hell, yeah, it worked.
I think Edward James Olmos is in there.
- Man, he's so good.
- I know.
I'm gonna have to rethink this.
You know what? Take me down to GVN.
I think I'm gonna ask Lori what she thinks.
If there's any questions about business, I think she would know.
So, how's everything going with her? Good.
You know, casual.
- Are you sure? - Yeah, of course.
No.
I probably think if I was gonna describe her in two words, I'd probably describe her as, like, good and casual.
No word on the GED yet? No, and Maronzio still hasn't shown up.
He hasn't done any tweeting, hollas, or anything.
No texts, either? That's a long time for him to go without complaining about something.
I know.
I'm worried.
He was really broken up about Shandra.
What do we do? - Have you checked his hangouts? - I have.
- You call Shandra? - I did.
Should we put up some posters? That's a human being, fool.
It's not a cat.
Hey, George, it's me again.
Listen, I know what it looked like, because that is what happened, but listen, could you just call me back? I just really want to help.
We're having chicken tortilla, but until you adjust your attitude, as Jerry Seinfeld said, no soup for you.
You can have some of my soup.
Jerry Seinfeld never said that, okay.
The soup Nazi said it to George.
And Pfeiffer, I don't really think sharing you dumb soup is gonna make up for you destroying my entire career.
What the hell is wrong with you? As long as you're under my roof, you will treat your sister with respect.
- Then I'm moving out.
- Me too.
What? Where? I'm moving in with Jason.
ABC Jason? Well, he's in between jobs right now.
- He's weighing his options.
- He got fired! - He sounds like an excellent provider.
- Mm-hmm.
Can you hear? We have been saved.
Now, Maronzio, Mike, and Ironhead will testify by their humble example.
Let's hear it for our brothers! [cheers and applause.]
Yeah, I don't like what ABC is trying to do with my show, but I'm trying not to be stupid or overemotional - or self-sabotaging.
- Hmm.
Well, in my experience, those are all good things to avoid.
What if I do the show the way they want me to do it - and I hate it? - You do it yourself.
That's why I started this place.
Wait a minute.
You put your own money up for this? Oh, no, no.
You use other people's money.
You know, you should do a Kickstarter campaign.
Is that where, like, the fans pay? It works, and as the fans pile on, you build awareness and excitement.
So your fans pay you to make "Valleys"? It's this thing called the Kickstarter, man.
It's great.
And that's how things get done.
And I talked to Coco.
She's in.
[clears throat.]
I heard the network Reginald VelJohnsoned you.
What are you talking about? The dad from "Family Matters.
" The The Urkel show.
Oh, that kid was comedy.
So the story goes, his contract was up and he wanted a raise because the show was such a hit.
Well, the network agreed to bring him in, but then, when he got there, the waiting room was full of African-American actors who looked just like him.
I mean, they teach this stuff in business schools.
Damn, that's what they did to you, jefe.
Yeah, but it didn't work on me.
I know.
That's why I'm here.
Is that why you're here? Maybe you're here to undermine me or try to get me to do something I don't believe in.
No, I don't want to do any of that.
- I'm just here to help.
- How do I know I can trust you? I don't know.
Maybe you can't.
Or maybe I could prove to you that I could just help.
Could I just please help, George? I like the Kickstarter idea, but that just gets your show made.
That's just half the battle.
I know, but once it's made and I think the networks see how good it is, I think everybody will jump on it.
I wish that was how it worked, but nobody in this town does anything unless somebody else wants to do it first.
Damn, that sounds horrible.
Yes.
Unless you know how to play it, and then it can be maybe kind of fun.
And I know how to play it.
I have never actually met somebody when I get a scoop.
It feels weird.
Why don't you just send an IM? Because this is the original hour-long version.
It's too hot to handle, my friend.
Too edgy, too dangerous.
If they knew I leaked this, I could be sued into the Stone Age.
Okay.
I'll get back to you after I've read it.
No.
Oh, you'll read it now.
It's too hot.
This copy's not leaving my sight.
Okay.
Okay.
You know what? We need to find a way to get people to sign up on my Kickstarter campaign.
Hey, yo, G, I bet you I can get people to donate.
Watch this.
What's up, Abjackers? Check out George Lopez' Kickstarter campaign on "Valleys" Whoop! And donate! Whoo! Like a case of ab-abbajacky.
All right.
Thanks, Hector.
I appreciate that.
Manolo? - Manolo! - Wendy! I've been waiting to hear from you.
Well, wait no longer.
You passed! - Really? - Hell, yeah.
You got a 68.
- You're valedictorian! - Hey, let's celebrate.
- Let's have a drink.
- Hey, I can't be fired.
I'm in.
Now we can be together.
That's why I came in person, baby.
Oh, well, if you need to use my room Hey, that's still my daughter's room.
[phone chimes.]
Oh, what's that? Everything okay, jefe? Yeah, it's Coco.
She's outside.
She says she has to talk to me.
Coco, come on in.
What are you doing? - You all right? - Yes.
What's up? So, um ABC just offered me my own show.
They're calling it "Loco for Coco.
" What did ABC do? Order a pilot? Actually, they picked up a full season.
George, I don't want to hurt your Kickstarter campaign.
You were loyal to me and I want to reassure you that I'm going to be loyal to you.
Coco, I appreciate the loyalty.
I really do.
I mean, that's something that's rare in this business, but that's something you gotta go and do.
All right? And know that I'm your biggest fan, and whatever night you're on, - I'll be watching.
- George Fair warning.
I'm going to hug you right now.
Okay.
Thank you.
Congratulations, Coco.
I'll tell you, losing Coco hurts, but our casting directors have already submitted a list of other transgender actors.
You mean there's more than one? - Wow.
- [phone tweets.]
Wait a minute.
It's a tweet from Maronzio.
Damn, it's about time.
He says he's fine.
"I am at peace.
"I am not letting losing the woman that I love "tear my life apart because I have found the love of the Lord.
" Drive Seekers! They got him! I know that parking lot.
It's right off Glen Oaks.
Between that carpet center and the Jon's Market? Yeah, right there where I met those girls from Canoga Park.
Wow, he sure looks happy.
Exactly.
Man, that can't be Maronzio.
- I've never seen him look like that.
- Mm-mm.
Oh, man.
Bad traffic, huh? There'd better be an accident up there.
I'm just kidding about the accident.
You want traffic to be bad for no reason.
Maronzio! Hey.
Traffic's a mess, huh? [horns honking.]
I really gotta go, guys.
I've still got a long ways to go.
Wait a minute.
What's going on? Jesus was a carpenter, so we built our crosses and we follow his path bearing those crosses so we have a better understanding - of his suffering.
- Okay.
Uh Does this journey end at Big Lots or Sizzler? Look, man, you look exhausted.
You need to relax.
Just take a breather.
Hey, hey, watch the paint! So you weren't gonna do anything more than just carry that cross, right? I don't think so.
Okay.
Maronzio, listen.
I think it's great that you've found something that gives your life direction, but, you know, you're in a vulnerable place with Shandra and everything.
Go slow, man.
Maybe go to church on Sunday.
If you like it, go Wednesday.
And then, kind of work your way up to a crucifixion.
Look, I appreciate your concern, but I really need to go or Iron here's gonna beat me.
Look, it's not a race to salvation, Maronzio.
I know, but I still don't want him to beat me there first.
All right.
Oh, did I tell you James Corden wants you to do carpool karaoke? Really? No, he don't.
But listen, you saw how excited you got? Let that into your heart, all right? From what I understand, God's love is unconditional.
You don't have to do any of this for it.
All I have to do is let him into my heart.
Let him in your heart.
You can do that from the air-conditioned SUV.
Come on.
Let's help you out.
You know, lift your burden.
I mean, that does sound reasonable, but will my cross fit? A Tesla.
This is major.
Everyone will know that Tyler Ratzberg has made it.
Yeah.
Hooray, Tyler Ratzberg.
Man, I mean, even with the tax breaks, I never could have afforded this without you having to unload it.
Now I can drive fast and everyone will think I'm helping the environment.
Hey, man, take the key and shut up or I'm calling CarMax.
When they're with you, it all seems to make sense.
Like, they break it down so simple and clear.
Now it seems crazy and that cross is heavy.
Well, I suggest now you get back to your true calling, okay? Work on five tight minutes so you can get on late night talk shows.
Kimmel or Fallon or somebody like that.
And while you're doing that, here's a great idea.
You could help me with your hollas 'cause I got a Kickstarter campaign.
I'm trying to fund "Valleys" myself.
I can do that.
Maybe I can start out with a rant about the lack of diversity in media, huh? - Just to get the ball rolling.
- All right.
Keep an eye on that fool right there.
Jefe, there's gonna be a graduation ceremony, and because I'm valedictorian, I need to give a speech.
Oh, man, that's awesome, dude.
Hey, listen, if you get nervous, Manolo, picture everybody nak No, don't, 'cause I kind of know who's gonna be there and we probably won't want to show up.
[phone chimes.]
Hey, check this out.
My Kickstarter campaign is kicking ass.
Look at that.
Coco posted, Maronzio hollaed, and Hector's Abjackers Look at that.
They can't stop donating.
It's all coming together.
I'll go tell Lori.
You want me to drive you? Oh, no.
I'll drive myself.
While I'm gone, you should probably just do something with this cross.
Maybe stash it behind the treadmill, put some luggage over it, vacuum.
All right.
So, you were right.
We raised the money - to make "Valleys.
" - Oh, George, that is great news.
- I am so happy for you.
- Thank you.
I got a little good news today myself.
I have closed funding on GVN London and it is my first step into Europe.
Wow, that's Ah, that's great.
- Thank you.
- [clears throat.]
London, wow.
You're not moving to London, are you? Well, I might have to.
Richard's putting the money up, so he'll expect close oversight from me.
- Richard? - Richard Branson.
- He's my partner.
- Yeah, I know.
The guy with the rockets and the hair.
- Is that a problem? - No, of course not.
It's Hey, it's great.
Congratulations.
It's totally cool.
It is [clears throat.]
great and cool.
Yeah.
Wow.
You sold the Tesla? And put the money into "Valleys.
" I'm a believer.
- You loved that car.
- Yeah.
Well, you're welcome, George.
- Oh, I mean - [phone ringing.]
- That's okay.
- Oh.
Oh, man, so check this out.
So, Lori is opening the GVN in London, man.
But, you know, I think it's good.
You know, she's got her own plane.
We learned something about London, but I forgot it as soon as I took the test.
- No! No freaking way! Damn it! - What? "Valleys" is dead.
They still own the rights to "Valleys," and they're just gonna sit on it.
- They can keep you from making it.
- Why is that? All the studios are like this ever since Warner Bros.
let "Home Alone" go to Fox.
It's like they gave their competitors a billion dollars.
So, that's it? They just sit on it and then everybody forgets about "Valleys"? Yeah.
That's what usually happens.
So it's over? Sorry, jefe.
No! No, it's not over, because I'm driving a six-year-old Civic with 100,000 miles on it and a rattle coming from somewhere I can't even figure out, and I'm not doing that for nothing.
Hah! It is not over.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I heard about "Valleys.
" That sucks.
Yeah, it really does, but I'm gonna find some way to make it work.
You really should.
It's a super-cool vis.
And I'm really sorry if I twisted things up.
That's Yeah.
Thanks.
I forgive you.
I know your heart was in the right place, even if your body was in the wrong one - repeatedly.
- [laughing.]
Jason has been getting a ton of job offers.
He's basically a hero because he wanted to do the good version of "Valleys.
" He owes you.
Liking that script is what got him so much heat.
No, that just started the ball rolling.
George is what caused so much heat.
He is everywhere, isn't he? Oh, did you know that UCB is doing this, like, ironic stage performance of the bad version of "Valleys" - and it's selling out.
- Whoa.
I have some calls to make.
- Do you want to help? - Yeah.
- [applause.]
- And the one person I really need to thank - is Wendy - [applause.]
who helped me and made me believe in myself.
- Thank you.
- [applause.]
And finally, jefe.
George Lopez, thank you for being my best friend.
[applause.]
Damn, that's the nicest speech Shakey's has ever had.
- I'm so proud of you, Manolo.
- Thank you.
The rest of you, meet me at the claw machine to get your certificates.
- Nice job, Chico.
- Thank you.
I was wondering if you want to be my birthing partner.
Think about it.
Oh, man, I knew you could do it, brother.
Yeah, you did, even when I didn't.
So, jefe, now that I've graduated I know.
I was expecting this.
Kind of, you want to get a job and get into the workplace? No.
I want to do more for you.
Yeah? Like what? Like be my assistant? - Heck, yeah.
- Wow.
All right.
Well, I'm not sure how much there is to assist with, 'cause "Valleys" is dead and stuff, but you've got the job under one condition.
I'm giving you a raise.
Oh! All right.
You probably need to go find Wendy.
Thanks for the adjustment.
- George.
- Hey, where you been? - You missed the whole thing.
- What? No way.
- I've been watching from the back - Oh! while fielding phone calls from Amazon and HBO.
About what? "Valleys" is dead.
Well, "Valleys" might be dead, but you are very much alive and they all know it.
Did you know Coco put you up for a GLAAD award for your strong defense of the transgender community? - George, you are trending.
- Really? You have connected with the most diverse demo I have ever seen.
Latinos, African-Americans, millennials, LGBT, QISes and ASes, and hipsters.
Oh, don't forget angry white people.
Oh, that's right.
George Lopez, you are a relevant.
Wow.
Wow, I'm relevant.
And I did it without Brooklyn or anal.
Yeah, exactly.
Everyone wants in on the George Lopez business.
You can do whatever you want.
Well, Olly, you know what? You've done a great job.
I truly, truly appreciate it.
[phone ringing.]
Oh! Hold that thought.
Hulu is calling.
Hello.
Please hold for Olly.
I knew that.
I knew it.
Congratulations, George.
[laughing.]
Oh, thanks, Maronzio.
You don't seem like a guy who's on top of the world.
No, I don't, do I? I kind of wish Lori was here to see this.
Very sweet.
So do something about it.
Look, I know you're being casual, but I lost Shandra by being casual.
I was walking around with a cross because I was being casual.
I think this is what Lori wants.
- Is this what you want? - No.
You know, when I'm with her, I kind of feel like she wants more.
Then do something about it.
Yeah.
You know, I'm gonna find her, and I'm gonna tell her that I'm tired of living like this and I don't want to be alone, and I want her today, tomorrow, and for the rest of my life.
What's she gonna do? Say no? I'm relevant.
[laughing.]
So, Lori, I'm tired of pretending I have all the answers, 'cause I don't, and I'm tired of making people believe I can do everything by myself.
I can't.
I don't want to live like that anymore, Lori.
I'm tired and I don't want to be alone anymore.
- George.
- I want you, Lori, and I will do whatever it takes to prove that to you.
Oh, George.
I can't be happier to hear what you're saying.
You are going to love London.
Oh.
All the people who are supposed to believe in me, supposed to be at my side of the table all going against me.
I thought Olly was different.
She is different.
I never met anybody like her.
And she really cares about you, jefe.
I think it's this business, man.
Just constant rejection and the line between success and failure so thin that it eats at you.
You matter until you end up doing things that you thought would never do.
So are we moving to Brooklyn or are you doing anal? Are you listening to what I'm saying, fool? I'm not gonna let them turn "Valleys" into a shitty show.
I gotta use my success and end up making the show that I want to make.
Ãrale.
Hey, what's with the cookies and the phone? I eat when I'm nervous and I'm nervous when I don't know if I passed my GED.
I don't know if I passed.
All right, listen to me.
I'm positive that you're gonna pass that test.
- Really? - Definitely.
- That sounds good, jefe.
- You know what? I'm gonna call Greg at ABC directly, I'm gonna tell him I don't like the direction of the show, and I'm gonna demand a meeting.
I will commit every fiber of my being to "Valleys.
" I'll bring it in on budget, travel around the world to promote it if I have to, but the one thing I don't want to do is, I don't want to turn it into a half-hour sitcom.
We hear you.
Now, let us think about it and you think about it too.
There's a lot to take in.
Yeah.
Uh, you know, with all due respect, I'm not gonna budge on this, so there's really nothing to think about.
There's always something to think about.
- We'll walk you out.
- Yeah.
Let it all sink in.
There's no need to be rash.
- Yeah.
Oh, this way.
- Hey.
You know, it is amazing just how few roles there are for talented and experienced Latino actors.
It's a crime, really.
You know, I don't think I would feel right, letting you just go away.
They had a room full of dudes that looked like me, man.
They're trying to scare me.
- Did it work? - Hell, yeah, it worked.
I think Edward James Olmos is in there.
- Man, he's so good.
- I know.
I'm gonna have to rethink this.
You know what? Take me down to GVN.
I think I'm gonna ask Lori what she thinks.
If there's any questions about business, I think she would know.
So, how's everything going with her? Good.
You know, casual.
- Are you sure? - Yeah, of course.
No.
I probably think if I was gonna describe her in two words, I'd probably describe her as, like, good and casual.
No word on the GED yet? No, and Maronzio still hasn't shown up.
He hasn't done any tweeting, hollas, or anything.
No texts, either? That's a long time for him to go without complaining about something.
I know.
I'm worried.
He was really broken up about Shandra.
What do we do? - Have you checked his hangouts? - I have.
- You call Shandra? - I did.
Should we put up some posters? That's a human being, fool.
It's not a cat.
Hey, George, it's me again.
Listen, I know what it looked like, because that is what happened, but listen, could you just call me back? I just really want to help.
We're having chicken tortilla, but until you adjust your attitude, as Jerry Seinfeld said, no soup for you.
You can have some of my soup.
Jerry Seinfeld never said that, okay.
The soup Nazi said it to George.
And Pfeiffer, I don't really think sharing you dumb soup is gonna make up for you destroying my entire career.
What the hell is wrong with you? As long as you're under my roof, you will treat your sister with respect.
- Then I'm moving out.
- Me too.
What? Where? I'm moving in with Jason.
ABC Jason? Well, he's in between jobs right now.
- He's weighing his options.
- He got fired! - He sounds like an excellent provider.
- Mm-hmm.
Can you hear? We have been saved.
Now, Maronzio, Mike, and Ironhead will testify by their humble example.
Let's hear it for our brothers! [cheers and applause.]
Yeah, I don't like what ABC is trying to do with my show, but I'm trying not to be stupid or overemotional - or self-sabotaging.
- Hmm.
Well, in my experience, those are all good things to avoid.
What if I do the show the way they want me to do it - and I hate it? - You do it yourself.
That's why I started this place.
Wait a minute.
You put your own money up for this? Oh, no, no.
You use other people's money.
You know, you should do a Kickstarter campaign.
Is that where, like, the fans pay? It works, and as the fans pile on, you build awareness and excitement.
So your fans pay you to make "Valleys"? It's this thing called the Kickstarter, man.
It's great.
And that's how things get done.
And I talked to Coco.
She's in.
[clears throat.]
I heard the network Reginald VelJohnsoned you.
What are you talking about? The dad from "Family Matters.
" The The Urkel show.
Oh, that kid was comedy.
So the story goes, his contract was up and he wanted a raise because the show was such a hit.
Well, the network agreed to bring him in, but then, when he got there, the waiting room was full of African-American actors who looked just like him.
I mean, they teach this stuff in business schools.
Damn, that's what they did to you, jefe.
Yeah, but it didn't work on me.
I know.
That's why I'm here.
Is that why you're here? Maybe you're here to undermine me or try to get me to do something I don't believe in.
No, I don't want to do any of that.
- I'm just here to help.
- How do I know I can trust you? I don't know.
Maybe you can't.
Or maybe I could prove to you that I could just help.
Could I just please help, George? I like the Kickstarter idea, but that just gets your show made.
That's just half the battle.
I know, but once it's made and I think the networks see how good it is, I think everybody will jump on it.
I wish that was how it worked, but nobody in this town does anything unless somebody else wants to do it first.
Damn, that sounds horrible.
Yes.
Unless you know how to play it, and then it can be maybe kind of fun.
And I know how to play it.
I have never actually met somebody when I get a scoop.
It feels weird.
Why don't you just send an IM? Because this is the original hour-long version.
It's too hot to handle, my friend.
Too edgy, too dangerous.
If they knew I leaked this, I could be sued into the Stone Age.
Okay.
I'll get back to you after I've read it.
No.
Oh, you'll read it now.
It's too hot.
This copy's not leaving my sight.
Okay.
Okay.
You know what? We need to find a way to get people to sign up on my Kickstarter campaign.
Hey, yo, G, I bet you I can get people to donate.
Watch this.
What's up, Abjackers? Check out George Lopez' Kickstarter campaign on "Valleys" Whoop! And donate! Whoo! Like a case of ab-abbajacky.
All right.
Thanks, Hector.
I appreciate that.
Manolo? - Manolo! - Wendy! I've been waiting to hear from you.
Well, wait no longer.
You passed! - Really? - Hell, yeah.
You got a 68.
- You're valedictorian! - Hey, let's celebrate.
- Let's have a drink.
- Hey, I can't be fired.
I'm in.
Now we can be together.
That's why I came in person, baby.
Oh, well, if you need to use my room Hey, that's still my daughter's room.
[phone chimes.]
Oh, what's that? Everything okay, jefe? Yeah, it's Coco.
She's outside.
She says she has to talk to me.
Coco, come on in.
What are you doing? - You all right? - Yes.
What's up? So, um ABC just offered me my own show.
They're calling it "Loco for Coco.
" What did ABC do? Order a pilot? Actually, they picked up a full season.
George, I don't want to hurt your Kickstarter campaign.
You were loyal to me and I want to reassure you that I'm going to be loyal to you.
Coco, I appreciate the loyalty.
I really do.
I mean, that's something that's rare in this business, but that's something you gotta go and do.
All right? And know that I'm your biggest fan, and whatever night you're on, - I'll be watching.
- George Fair warning.
I'm going to hug you right now.
Okay.
Thank you.
Congratulations, Coco.
I'll tell you, losing Coco hurts, but our casting directors have already submitted a list of other transgender actors.
You mean there's more than one? - Wow.
- [phone tweets.]
Wait a minute.
It's a tweet from Maronzio.
Damn, it's about time.
He says he's fine.
"I am at peace.
"I am not letting losing the woman that I love "tear my life apart because I have found the love of the Lord.
" Drive Seekers! They got him! I know that parking lot.
It's right off Glen Oaks.
Between that carpet center and the Jon's Market? Yeah, right there where I met those girls from Canoga Park.
Wow, he sure looks happy.
Exactly.
Man, that can't be Maronzio.
- I've never seen him look like that.
- Mm-mm.
Oh, man.
Bad traffic, huh? There'd better be an accident up there.
I'm just kidding about the accident.
You want traffic to be bad for no reason.
Maronzio! Hey.
Traffic's a mess, huh? [horns honking.]
I really gotta go, guys.
I've still got a long ways to go.
Wait a minute.
What's going on? Jesus was a carpenter, so we built our crosses and we follow his path bearing those crosses so we have a better understanding - of his suffering.
- Okay.
Uh Does this journey end at Big Lots or Sizzler? Look, man, you look exhausted.
You need to relax.
Just take a breather.
Hey, hey, watch the paint! So you weren't gonna do anything more than just carry that cross, right? I don't think so.
Okay.
Maronzio, listen.
I think it's great that you've found something that gives your life direction, but, you know, you're in a vulnerable place with Shandra and everything.
Go slow, man.
Maybe go to church on Sunday.
If you like it, go Wednesday.
And then, kind of work your way up to a crucifixion.
Look, I appreciate your concern, but I really need to go or Iron here's gonna beat me.
Look, it's not a race to salvation, Maronzio.
I know, but I still don't want him to beat me there first.
All right.
Oh, did I tell you James Corden wants you to do carpool karaoke? Really? No, he don't.
But listen, you saw how excited you got? Let that into your heart, all right? From what I understand, God's love is unconditional.
You don't have to do any of this for it.
All I have to do is let him into my heart.
Let him in your heart.
You can do that from the air-conditioned SUV.
Come on.
Let's help you out.
You know, lift your burden.
I mean, that does sound reasonable, but will my cross fit? A Tesla.
This is major.
Everyone will know that Tyler Ratzberg has made it.
Yeah.
Hooray, Tyler Ratzberg.
Man, I mean, even with the tax breaks, I never could have afforded this without you having to unload it.
Now I can drive fast and everyone will think I'm helping the environment.
Hey, man, take the key and shut up or I'm calling CarMax.
When they're with you, it all seems to make sense.
Like, they break it down so simple and clear.
Now it seems crazy and that cross is heavy.
Well, I suggest now you get back to your true calling, okay? Work on five tight minutes so you can get on late night talk shows.
Kimmel or Fallon or somebody like that.
And while you're doing that, here's a great idea.
You could help me with your hollas 'cause I got a Kickstarter campaign.
I'm trying to fund "Valleys" myself.
I can do that.
Maybe I can start out with a rant about the lack of diversity in media, huh? - Just to get the ball rolling.
- All right.
Keep an eye on that fool right there.
Jefe, there's gonna be a graduation ceremony, and because I'm valedictorian, I need to give a speech.
Oh, man, that's awesome, dude.
Hey, listen, if you get nervous, Manolo, picture everybody nak No, don't, 'cause I kind of know who's gonna be there and we probably won't want to show up.
[phone chimes.]
Hey, check this out.
My Kickstarter campaign is kicking ass.
Look at that.
Coco posted, Maronzio hollaed, and Hector's Abjackers Look at that.
They can't stop donating.
It's all coming together.
I'll go tell Lori.
You want me to drive you? Oh, no.
I'll drive myself.
While I'm gone, you should probably just do something with this cross.
Maybe stash it behind the treadmill, put some luggage over it, vacuum.
All right.
So, you were right.
We raised the money - to make "Valleys.
" - Oh, George, that is great news.
- I am so happy for you.
- Thank you.
I got a little good news today myself.
I have closed funding on GVN London and it is my first step into Europe.
Wow, that's Ah, that's great.
- Thank you.
- [clears throat.]
London, wow.
You're not moving to London, are you? Well, I might have to.
Richard's putting the money up, so he'll expect close oversight from me.
- Richard? - Richard Branson.
- He's my partner.
- Yeah, I know.
The guy with the rockets and the hair.
- Is that a problem? - No, of course not.
It's Hey, it's great.
Congratulations.
It's totally cool.
It is [clears throat.]
great and cool.
Yeah.
Wow.
You sold the Tesla? And put the money into "Valleys.
" I'm a believer.
- You loved that car.
- Yeah.
Well, you're welcome, George.
- Oh, I mean - [phone ringing.]
- That's okay.
- Oh.
Oh, man, so check this out.
So, Lori is opening the GVN in London, man.
But, you know, I think it's good.
You know, she's got her own plane.
We learned something about London, but I forgot it as soon as I took the test.
- No! No freaking way! Damn it! - What? "Valleys" is dead.
They still own the rights to "Valleys," and they're just gonna sit on it.
- They can keep you from making it.
- Why is that? All the studios are like this ever since Warner Bros.
let "Home Alone" go to Fox.
It's like they gave their competitors a billion dollars.
So, that's it? They just sit on it and then everybody forgets about "Valleys"? Yeah.
That's what usually happens.
So it's over? Sorry, jefe.
No! No, it's not over, because I'm driving a six-year-old Civic with 100,000 miles on it and a rattle coming from somewhere I can't even figure out, and I'm not doing that for nothing.
Hah! It is not over.
- Hey.
- Hey.
I heard about "Valleys.
" That sucks.
Yeah, it really does, but I'm gonna find some way to make it work.
You really should.
It's a super-cool vis.
And I'm really sorry if I twisted things up.
That's Yeah.
Thanks.
I forgive you.
I know your heart was in the right place, even if your body was in the wrong one - repeatedly.
- [laughing.]
Jason has been getting a ton of job offers.
He's basically a hero because he wanted to do the good version of "Valleys.
" He owes you.
Liking that script is what got him so much heat.
No, that just started the ball rolling.
George is what caused so much heat.
He is everywhere, isn't he? Oh, did you know that UCB is doing this, like, ironic stage performance of the bad version of "Valleys" - and it's selling out.
- Whoa.
I have some calls to make.
- Do you want to help? - Yeah.
- [applause.]
- And the one person I really need to thank - is Wendy - [applause.]
who helped me and made me believe in myself.
- Thank you.
- [applause.]
And finally, jefe.
George Lopez, thank you for being my best friend.
[applause.]
Damn, that's the nicest speech Shakey's has ever had.
- I'm so proud of you, Manolo.
- Thank you.
The rest of you, meet me at the claw machine to get your certificates.
- Nice job, Chico.
- Thank you.
I was wondering if you want to be my birthing partner.
Think about it.
Oh, man, I knew you could do it, brother.
Yeah, you did, even when I didn't.
So, jefe, now that I've graduated I know.
I was expecting this.
Kind of, you want to get a job and get into the workplace? No.
I want to do more for you.
Yeah? Like what? Like be my assistant? - Heck, yeah.
- Wow.
All right.
Well, I'm not sure how much there is to assist with, 'cause "Valleys" is dead and stuff, but you've got the job under one condition.
I'm giving you a raise.
Oh! All right.
You probably need to go find Wendy.
Thanks for the adjustment.
- George.
- Hey, where you been? - You missed the whole thing.
- What? No way.
- I've been watching from the back - Oh! while fielding phone calls from Amazon and HBO.
About what? "Valleys" is dead.
Well, "Valleys" might be dead, but you are very much alive and they all know it.
Did you know Coco put you up for a GLAAD award for your strong defense of the transgender community? - George, you are trending.
- Really? You have connected with the most diverse demo I have ever seen.
Latinos, African-Americans, millennials, LGBT, QISes and ASes, and hipsters.
Oh, don't forget angry white people.
Oh, that's right.
George Lopez, you are a relevant.
Wow.
Wow, I'm relevant.
And I did it without Brooklyn or anal.
Yeah, exactly.
Everyone wants in on the George Lopez business.
You can do whatever you want.
Well, Olly, you know what? You've done a great job.
I truly, truly appreciate it.
[phone ringing.]
Oh! Hold that thought.
Hulu is calling.
Hello.
Please hold for Olly.
I knew that.
I knew it.
Congratulations, George.
[laughing.]
Oh, thanks, Maronzio.
You don't seem like a guy who's on top of the world.
No, I don't, do I? I kind of wish Lori was here to see this.
Very sweet.
So do something about it.
Look, I know you're being casual, but I lost Shandra by being casual.
I was walking around with a cross because I was being casual.
I think this is what Lori wants.
- Is this what you want? - No.
You know, when I'm with her, I kind of feel like she wants more.
Then do something about it.
Yeah.
You know, I'm gonna find her, and I'm gonna tell her that I'm tired of living like this and I don't want to be alone, and I want her today, tomorrow, and for the rest of my life.
What's she gonna do? Say no? I'm relevant.
[laughing.]
So, Lori, I'm tired of pretending I have all the answers, 'cause I don't, and I'm tired of making people believe I can do everything by myself.
I can't.
I don't want to live like that anymore, Lori.
I'm tired and I don't want to be alone anymore.
- George.
- I want you, Lori, and I will do whatever it takes to prove that to you.
Oh, George.
I can't be happier to hear what you're saying.
You are going to love London.
Oh.