Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy (2015) s02e12 Episode Script

1 [growling.]
Who knew a flying rock covered in Symbiote gunk could move this fast? I am Groot.
Well, that's good news.
Groot says this goop grenade's heading straight for Spartax.
My family is on Spartax, Rocket.
How is being infested by vicious ink creatures good news? I thought you hated your dad, Quill.
That doesn't mean I want my sister and billions of people covered in feral, rage-fueled Symbiotes! Agreed.
It would be an inappropriate form of vengeance.
Drax the Destroyer knows vengeance.
And not much else.
Okay, look.
Here's an idea.
What say we warn my baby sis about the space parasite fastball speeding toward her planet? Okay, you are not my baby sis.
This is General Glogug.
Empress Victoria is not to be disturbed.
Especially by you, Star-Lord.
Really? Well, I think she'd wanna know.
About the Symbiote-infested comet you're chasing? I assure you, we have that situation well in hand.
The comet will be destroyed as soon as it is within range.
We already tried that.
If you blow up the comet, it'll just rain down Symbiotes all over Spartax.
No offense, but the Spartax Imperial Fleet is far more sophisticated than a single derelict ship manned by a ragtag band of pseudo-pirates.
Why do people always say "no offense" right before they offend you? More importantly, how do we get Victoria's attention now? We can't shout in the vacuum of space.
You're right, Gamora, so I'm gonna have to shout a little louder.
[grunts.]
I told the Star-Lord you were engaged in a delicate military operation and shooed him away.
And that worked? My brother is nothing if not persistent.
[Quill screams, grunts.]
[thud.]
Ohhh [glass squeaking.]
[Victoria sighs.]
Open hatch 5 before he drools all over the windshield.
Baby sis, look.
I knew you'd Aah! Ow.
What part of "delicate military operation" did you not comprehend? Look, we were trying to warn you not to blow up that comet.
The comet you created by blowing up an entire planet, if my intel is accurate? Well, does your "intel" mention that comet is full of Space parasites that turn people into feral rage monsters.
- I know what Symbiotes are, Peter.
- Okay, so you know then that the only things that even slow 'em down are electricity, sound, and massive heat.
Blowing up, not so much.
If even a fragment of that comet lands on Spartax Empress, the comet's nearly in range.
What are your orders? Tell the fleet to fall back and everyone aboard to abandon ship.
- Empress? - Say what now? That's an order, General.
[alarm blaring.]
[General Glogug over P.
A.
.]
All personnel, evacuate the ship.
This is not a drill.
Okay, it's been awhile since I've been on this ship, but aren't the escape pods the other way? They are.
Take one and evacuate.
I have an empire to save.
So how do you save an empire with no one else on the ship? By deliberately smashing this ship into the comet.
- Why are you still aboard? - [laughs.]
I'm sorry.
I thought you just said, "Smash this ship into the comet.
" [engine revving.]
Wait.
You're really gonna smash this ship into the comet? Vicky, do not smash the ship into the comet.
You were right, Peter.
Blowing it up won't work.
But the fuel on this ship should bring enough massive heat to incinerate every last Symbiote on that comet.
What about the part where we incinerate with it? Why do you think I ordered you to abandon ship? Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
This is what a true leader does.
They put the needs of their people over their own petty survival.
Well, it's kind of hard to lead from the middle of a flaming inferno.
[beeping.]
How about instead we graze the comet on one side, while the Milano pulls on the other side with a tractor beam? Look, we might be able to deflect it away from Spartax and into the sun, like a bank shot in pool.
Why would you shoot something while swimming? It's an Earth thing.
Don't worry.
I got this.
Quill, what's going on? Huh? Guys, execute Plan Bank Shot: Eight Ball in the Side Pocket.
They actually know what that means? Oh, yeah.
Another krutackin' stupid Quill plan we never tried.
I will not do this untested.
I Sorry, sis, but you gotta trust me.
[grunting.]
No, I don't! Aw, come on.
Just trust me a little.
- No.
- Why not? Past experience.
[both gasp.]
[soft mechanical whining.]
This stupid plan of yours better work, Quill! [grunts.]
[Quill.]
Why does nobody trust my plan? Yes! Told ya! Now let's get off this rock.
Aw, krutack.
Excellent.
We've upgraded from being a flaming inferno to being covered with Symbiotes! No wonder Father left you with pirates.
[Spartaxian officer.]
Imperial Fleet in reach.
Cannon locked on target.
Sir, we're awaiting orders from the empress, but her flagship does not respond.
Hmm? Then we must assume the worst.
Quill, you alive under that gunk? [static.]
Guys [unintelligible.]
I can hear you, but I cannot understand you.
That's nothing new.
Vicky and I [continues unintelligible.]
Attention Spartax forces.
Empress Victoria and the Star-Lord have been overwhelmed by Symbiotes.
I am taking command of this fleet.
Prepare to destroy that comet.
General, hold your fire.
The Star-Lord and Empress Victoria are still alive.
Their flagship's inside the comet.
You'll forgive me if I don't trust the word - of a daughter of Thanos.
- Ugh! Then trust the word of Drax the Destroyer.
That comet is no threat to Spartax, General.
It is heading straight for your sun.
I am Groot.
If you won't take our word, then at least give us the chance to save our friends.
Or you could just go down in history as the dimwit who blew up your own empress and prince! Hmm? Fine.
If you're going to prove me wrong, then do it quickly.
You heard the man.
Get a move on! [hissing, growling.]
[thudding.]
That should keep the Symbiotes out.
- For now.
- Don't worry, baby sis.
If the blobs break through, I'll be ready.
As will I, big bro.
[hissing, growling continue.]
I'm ready to make my last stand.
Yeah, well, I'm not.
And we may not have to.
Symbiotes are vulnerable to sound, remember? I don't think they're gonna keel over just because of your bad taste in music, brother.
Never underestimate the power of the Top 40.
[button clicks.]
[over P.
A.
.]
This is DJ Star-Lord with a special dedication going out to Empress Victoria called "Get Off My Ship, You Freaky Parasites.
" [classic rock over P.
A.
.]
[screeching.]
[growling, hissing stop.]
You actually did it.
[distorted, stops.]
My tunes! [hissing, growling resumes.]
I think we have bigger problems.
[roaring.]
Uhh Hang on, baby sis.
I just need to rewind this cassette.
Peter, forget your primitive music player, and help me fight these Symbiotes! [screeching.]
[grunting.]
Switch to lightning.
I got you covered.
Oh! [screeching.]
Maybe you should watch your own back before you offer to watch mine.
[hissing, growling.]
Sounds like more guests.
Let's not be here when they arrive.
[hissing, growling continue.]
So you are a survivor.
If those Symbiotes take us over, they could divert the ship away from the sun.
I will not let our sacrifice be in vain.
Nobody's sacrificing anything.
I'll think of something.
Or my friends will.
You'll see.
I am Groot.
Of course it's moving.
Duh! It's a comet.
But comets do not usually change course.
Those Symbiotes must've taken control of the ship.
They're headed back toward Spartax.
Attention Guardians.
Clear the area immediately.
I now have full authorization to destroy the comet, regardless of who's aboard.
- What idiots authorized that? - [Supreme Intelligence.]
These idiots.
General Glogug acts under the authority of the Galactic Council.
An invasion of Spartax could spell disaster for the entire galaxy.
We must not let that happen.
Well, I ain't lettin' no stuffed-shirt council - blow up my friends! - There has to be another way.
If there is, the collective wisdom of the entire Kree race fails to see it.
General, you have your orders.
The council has spoken, Guardians.
The millisecond that comet crosses back into Spartax's orbital range, we will open fire.
But until then, you can't stop us from trying my plan.
So, you actually got a plan? Not even 12% of one.
You? Me? [laughs.]
Coming up with stupid plans is Quill's job.
I am Groot? Pelt 'em with rotten fruit? What kind of plan is that? A stupid one, per your request.
I am Groot.
I am Groot! Not bad, bud.
If we yank the antennas off that satellite, we can use them just like lightning rods.
Pull the juice out of our engines, zap it into the rods, and boom! Bye-bye, Symbiotes.
Bye-bye Quill and Victoria too.
Not if they flip their shields to insulate the ship from the lightning.
And who's gonna tell them? The Symbiotes are blocking their comm links.
But they cannot block Drax the Destroyer.
I will deliver your instructions myself.
Right.
And all you gotta do is fight your way through a thousand Symbiotes.
I approve of this plan.
Sarcasm is not a plan! But it is our only shot.
I'll go with him.
I am Groot! Force Shield Generators.
Huh.
Now, that's a plan.
[Rocket.]
My Force Shield Generators will stop the inkblots from bonding with ya.
But it won't stop 'em from grabbin', slashin', beatin', stabbin', and [Gamora.]
We get the picture, Rocket.
Once you're inside, we'll lose radio contact.
Then you'll have exactly 15 minutes to flip those shields before we start zappin'.
[growling.]
So here's my plan.
We get to the engine room, overload the engines, and let the electricity vaporize the Symbiotes on the ship's hull.
You know how to do that? I saw Rocket do something like it once.
How hard could it be, right? Hard enough that botching it could get us both electrocuted, Peter.
You were gonna ram us straight into the sun! How is that better? Because I didn't give in to my base survival instincts.
I'm not like Father! Wait.
You did all this just to prove you're not like Dad? J'Son taught me everything I know about ruling, and then he betrayed us all for his own selfish ends.
I swore I'd never put myself above the people I was born to protect, even if it means risking my life.
But I never wanted it to cost you yours.
Well, for what it's worth, sis, I think you're a great ruler.
That's why I want you to stick around.
[hissing, growling.]
[roars.]
[grunts.]
[grunts.]
[both grunting.]
Get to the engine and start the overload! Right! [beeping.]
Mm, mm Mmm Mmm Peter, now! [grunts.]
[screeching, roaring.]
Okay, I actually don't know how to overload the engines.
I just wanted to buy time for the Guardians to come and save us.
And maybe give you a teeny-weeny bit of hope, you know? But they are not coming, and for that, I'm sorry.
[yells.]
Peter! [grunting.]
[Drax.]
I believe the phrase is "You are welcome.
" You really thought we weren't coming? Ha! Of course I did.
Just making your entrance more dramatic.
Regardless of the level of drama, we have a plan.
You must turn your ship's shields inward while we electrify the common surface.
That I can do.
I am Groot! [Spartaxian officer.]
Cannons charged to full capacity.
Awaiting your orders, General.
Guardians of the Galaxy, the comet is approaching Spartax orbital range.
I suggest you get out of the line of fire.
I was gonna suggest you do the same thing, Gloggy, 'cause this is gonna be one krutackin' huge light show! - Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! - I am Groot! [hissing, growling.]
Wait.
I I just need a bigger zap! [beeping.]
A very entertaining light show, Guardians, but now it's our turn.
Fire at will! We are not entertained! - I am Groot! - I know those missiles are headed straight for Quill and Victoria.
[grunts.]
I am Groot.
I guess going over the general's head and talking straight to the council could work.
Yo, Supreme Lack-of-Intelligence, you seeing this? As a citizen of this lousy galaxy, I demand your stupid council take back its stupid vote right-stupid-now! I am Groot! Fortunately, neither rodent nor shrubbery wield that authority.
The vote was unanimous, with only a single abstention.
Abstention? Which one of you krutackers didn't vote? I am Groot.
[thunderclap.]
The Prince of Asgard votes with deeds, not words.
[grunts.]
What in the galaxy Eh, never mind.
I figured it out.
Yo, Thor, a little help here? Fear not, small mammal.
[grunts.]
I have bound my fate to you Guardians before and I do so again.
Great, 'cause I got just the job for a guy who can hurl lightning.
You see that Symbiote-infested comet over there? Verily.
- That mean yes? - I am Groot.
[yells.]
[screeching.]
You think Rocket's plan worked? [automated male voice.]
Warning.
Radiation leak detected.
[alarm blaring.]
Spoken too soon.
That mist is toxic, and I'm reading hull breaches all over the ship.
[Drax.]
Then it would be best to leave this area for a more stable part of the ship.
We're not gonna make it.
I can shield us.
[alarm continues blaring.]
[alarm blaring.]
[automated female voice.]
Force field activated.
Okay.
No problem.
We can still figure a way out of this, sis.
Sis? Victoria! No! [grunting.]
You can't go in there, Quill.
See? She's trying to seal the leak.
But no one could survive the toxic mist.
She knows that! Victoria, don't do this! There's gotta be another way! Victoria? No! [Victoria.]
I know that.
That's why I got these survival suits.
I thought Okay.
I thought you did something stupid.
Relax.
That's still your job.
Warriors of Spartax, cease this fruitless attack in the name of honor, Asgard, and the Galactic Council! [General Glogug.]
Stand down, Thor.
We're going to bomb that comet to dust, even if it means bombing you with it.
You do not represent the council, this has nothing to do with Asgard, and honor Well, that's just an old-fashioned word.
[Victoria.]
Like "empress"? [gasps.]
I, Victoria, Empress of Spartax and all its people, order this fleet to stand down.
Whoever fires the next missile will be a traitor to the empire and dealt with as such.
[stammering.]
Please forgive me for this misunderstanding, Empress.
I was only following protocol.
Somebody's gonna be looking for a new job.
You think I should hire pirates and mercenaries instead? Don't knock it till you try it.
[beeping.]
No sign of Symbiotes on the surface.
- I am Groot! - Or below it.
Verily, Guardians.
Victory is yours this day.
- So it does mean yes.
- I am Groot.
Asgard awaits.
Open the Bifrost, Heimdall! [thunderclap.]
I am Groot! I thought you were gonna scan him for Symbiotes.
[grunting.]
What sorcery is this? Did Thor just Get taken over by the killer alien goop? [groans.]
And now it's loose in Asgard!