Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja (2012) s02e12 Episode Script
Living in Shooblivion!; McNinja - Brought to You by McFist
1 Go ninja! [title music.]
I was chosen to protect my school from the forces of evil.
I am the ninja.
I am Randy Cunningham.
Smoke bomb! Hi-ya.
All right Bot, time to clean your clock Get it? Come on, that deserves a hand! Oh, I did it again! Hand? Clock? [groans.]
That's it! Clock-hands, daylight savings.
Ninja-turn-back-the-clock.
Welcome to ScarfCenter! Heidi Weinerfan here with our Battle-Bloopers analyst, Howard Brosell.
We got Ninja splarts all over the place, Heidi.
Up first: UC of M's.
Unnecessary Calling-out of Moves: Ninja-Block! Ninja-Block! Ninja-Block! Unnecessary? Yes.
Shoob-larious? Dunno, let's put it to the Shoob Zone! [all.]
Shoob! Shoob! Shoob! And that's not the splurst of it.
Check out this wonk-liner: All right, Bot, time to clean your clock.
Who-oo says that?! And then he gets his butt mashed until he makes this face: [both laughing.]
Uh, that's the face I make when I put it all together.
[chuckles.]
And the fans love it! But I beat that thing! Why do you only focus on the shooby parts? What can I say? Shoob sells! [groans.]
[rumbling.]
[howling.]
Viceroy! You gotta see this.
There's a giant robot dog out there! It's the cutest thing I've ever seen! You mean Robo-Hound? I built it.
No no you couldn't have.
He's too cute.
You didn't build it.
Did you build it? You didn't build it.
[sighs.]
Zip it! ScarfCenter's back on! We're back, Ween-Peezies, with a frosh 'sode of ScarfCenter! Look for the Ninja to smokebomb here, unnecessarily flip here, here and here, and finally land in this area - to deliver a classic wonk-liner! - Smokebomb! Ooh, let's watch.
OK, Fido.
It's about to get rough.
Get it? Dog? Ruff? Wonk-liner.
Called it! [all.]
Shoob! Shoob! Shoob! Shoob? That was a great line! Huh? What the juice? [all.]
Shoob! Shoob! Shoob! Get outta here! Wowzer poundz, Big H.
Ninja's really takin' it.
You can say that again.
Ninja's fighting like a shoob out there! - [crowd.]
Shoob! Shoob! Shoob! - What? I'm not fighting like shoob am I? [chanting continues.]
I can't see! Get outta my face! [all gasping.]
What's he doing, Dub-Dip? You got me.
It's like he's just waiting to get hit.
[chanting continues.]
What the doodle?! I can't see anything! Huh? [all gasp.]
They're right.
I am fighting like a shoob! Still sliding? Really?! How is this [grunting.]
[crowd.]
Shoob! Shoob! Shoob! [yells.]
[chanting continues.]
[chanting stops.]
[chanting stops and starts with mask.]
What the shoob is happening to me?! [man.]
Sounds like you're gettin' your butt mashed out there, Ninja.
Ward Smith, the Swordsmith of Norrisville! Yes, this is perfect! You can help me! Mm, you need me to make you another sword? What? No, no, no, no, no, no, it's everybody's calling me a shoob and I'm fighting like a shoob.
What makes you think I could help you with that? All I can see is shoob! I can't see anything else! It's like I'm, you know you know - when your eyeballs and - Blind? [gasps.]
So glad you said it! It would have been weird if I said it! I can't see to fight! Can you help me? Yeah, I can help you with that.
But you have to listen to everything I say.
No questions.
Does no questions mean like, "no questions?" - 'Cause what if I - No questions means no questions! Yeah, you got it.
No questions.
[McFist laughing.]
So, who's a good boy? Who threw the Ninja so far we'll never find him? Oh, we'll find him.
Robo-Hound's a Blood-Hound.
Fun fact Viceroy: Did you know bloodhounds can be used to track people? - No, I didn't know that.
- You do now! You're welcome.
[groans.]
Hm, what should we name him? I like Lance.
You like Lance? Yes, Lance.
Whoa! So Bruce! That's my boy.
Who's gonna get the Ninja? Who's gonna get the Ninja? We are, as long as he's within sniffing distance.
Look at him! So playful.
Probably loyal, too.
Y'think Marci will let me keep him? [grunts.]
[screaming.]
Hope Ninja's OK.
The numbers are in! Robo-Hound put ScarfCenter's views through the woof! Hmm now I'm conflicted.
On one hand, Ninja's missing.
On the other hand - We have more views than Prawn Stars! - The other hand! Now, all you gotta do is cross the kitchen.
Yee-ahh! Watch out! No Ooh Don't [chuckles.]
[grunts.]
[yelps.]
Mmm.
Mm-mm-mm.
Your turn.
Huh? Uh OK, if he can do it, I can do it.
- I heard that, schmappo! - Schmappo? [makes buzzer sound.]
Already messed up, crambit! Crambit? [screaming.]
- Ooh, clamp it, boopus! - This is not helping me! Whoa! [thud.]
- Booooo-pusssss.
That's you.
- But I'm blindfolded! There's a honkin' Robo-Hound out there and all you're doing is calling me names! - You're just like the Shoob Zone.
- So say the jackanape.
Gah! You're not helping me see! I'm sick of it.
- Whambler.
- Call me whatever you want because I am done listening to you! - [alarm sounds.]
Perfect! - Right? Lance is gonna love it.
No, I mean Robo-Hound picked up Ninja's scent.
He's good as got.
Check it out.
Shaped like biscuit.
I did it! Honkin' Ward Smith calling me names.
I'm not a boopus.
He's a boopus.
Unless he's a crambit or a whambler? Are those even words? There he is! Cunningham, where have you been? I was worried.
- You were? - Can't have the Center without the Scarf! - [all.]
Shoob! Shoob! Shoob! - So say the jackanape.
Showtime! [all screaming.]
I can't fight now, I'm still blind.
Please don't be shoobed up.
[howling.]
[Ninja.]
Smokebomb! I can see! I didn't need Ward! - He's back, Ninj-fans! - Let him hear it! [all.]
Shoob! Shoob! Shoob! Zang it! No.
Not again.
Ugh! [groans.]
Why won't you let me see?! Ew! Yikes! We are witness to the most tragic ninj-trocity of all time.
Could this be the end? [all.]
Shoob! Shoob! Shoob! Whoa, guys, all right, let's dial it down a little.
Shoob's supposed to be a funny thing.
[all.]
Shoob! Shoob! Shoob! - Crambit! - Schmappo! - Jackanape! - Whambler! You forgot Boopus Boopus.
Call me whatever you want because I am done listening to you! Oh! The problem wasn't with my eyes, it was with my ears! You were teaching me to ignore it when people call me names! Now you're gettin' it, klee-klaw! [chanting continues.]
Hey, are you OK? Do you want us to stop the shoob chant? No, chant all you want.
I'm done listening.
Good, 'cause I tried to stop 'em and that was not happening.
C'mon, crambit.
Just like Ward said.
Don't listen to the name calling.
[chanting stopping and starting.]
Double dip! There's the face! Inside sources tell me that's the face he makes when he puts it all together! Ah! - Ninja-bad-dog! - "Ninja Bad Dog"? He's back! You saw it with your own ears, whipper-snips! This is Epic Ninj-action! [yelps.]
[grunts.]
[all cheering.]
No! Lance! He's a goner! You know, it's just a robot.
I can always build another one.
There will never be another Lance! [sobbing.]
[whimpers.]
Ninja-sit! All right Ninja-roll-over! Ninja-play-dead! "Ninja-play-dead?!" Can he try any less?! Hey! Why'd you pause it?! Because I know how it ends.
Heidi says "Weinersplarts" and you and your Zone chant me to shooblivion.
Just watch it.
All shoobing aside, what we saw today was an epic display of heroing.
A lone warrior.
A champion.
Norrisville, let us show him our gratitude as only we can.
Shoob Shoob Shoob [all.]
Shoob Shoob Shoob Whata they talkin' about shoob? Huh? Huh? The slow shoob.
Shoob Shoob Shoob There's something in my eye.
I gotta go.
Hehe, shoob.
With this Ninja-slice I hereby declare Norrisville High's new library open for reading! [all cheering.]
Smokebom 'Scuzi, Ninja, but I'm a-openin' my new pizzeria.
Maybe you-a come cutta da ribbon for Luigi? I don't really do ribbon cutting.
But you just a-do a-ribbon cutting.
Yeah, yeah, but only 'cause I destroyed the old library.
Turns out, Tengu Fireballs in a room of books? Not so good.
- I give you a free-a pizza pie - Uh [Howard.]
And you said no?! You said no to a free pizza pie?! - Uh, it didn't seem very Ninja-ish.
- It's totally Ninja-ish.
Celebrities use their names to get free stuff all the time.
Why do you think Brock Octane does those corn chip commercials? I love my Macho Cheese CrunchRitos Macho Cheese CrunchRitos! You man enough to shower in 'em? [chomps.]
I love my Macho Cheese Crunch I thought he did those for the money.
[scoffs.]
Money.
He does 'em for the free corn chips.
I'll bet he's got a house full of those things.
You think that's why he does those salsa commercials? [jazzy music plays.]
That's exactly why he does those salsa commercials! Who has a houseful of corn chips and no salsa?! - That could be your house, Cunningham.
- I'm not really a corn chip guy.
- No.
But you are a pizza guy.
- Get Luigi on the phone! He's number one, two and three on my speed dial.
Oh-ho! Perfect timing, Nomicon.
I've got exciting news, buddy.
Howard and I are going to use the Ninja to get free pizza.
How Bruce is that? Huh? [crowd grumbling.]
[gulps.]
[screams.]
[laughing.]
Huh? "The Ninja Belongs To Everyone.
" So you're saying I should go for more than free pizza! Like free everything? I like the way you think, Nomicon.
Howard! Nomicon says go big! Howard? Huh? [clears throat.]
Bubbie call me "Hollywood Howie.
" "Hollywood Howie? Ninja Agent?" Why would the Ninja need an agent? 'Cause ninjas know bubkis about show business.
Now suit up, Mr.
Big Scarf.
You got a commercial in 20.
Now that's what I'm talking about! I can't believe you already got me a commercial! Boy-chick, I already got us a commercial.
[both yell.]
[beeping.]
[video game sounds.]
Hm? Hi, there.
I'm the Ninja of Norrisville.
I don't always play video games, but when I do, I play at Greg's Game Hole.
I'm running a full price special right skeenow everything full price! [both.]
Greg's Game Hole: It's Hole-licious! This is amazing! We have so many tokens, we can't die! We're immortal! [both laughing.]
In battle, there's only two sides: Good and Evil.
But here at Charlie Clucker's, there's 16 sides to choose from! And you can have 'em all with Charlie's new All-Sides Combo! Hey, I'll take the pizza salad, marshmallow poppers and what is what is that, borscht? [both laughing.]
[chuckles.]
There's one thing my ninja sword can't protect me from: the sun's damaging ultra-violet rays.
Which is why I go to Put on 'Em Glasses.
They have the Brucest shades in the Cheesest styles.
Cheesest? Are you serious? Who wrote this? [both laughing.]
I'm a celebrity! Yes! now everything full price! [both.]
Greg's Game Hole: It's Hole-licious! - I can't believe it - I know.
"Full price? " Why even make a commercial? He's a sell out.
A flim-flam man.
A huckster.
Doesn't seem very Ninja-ish.
I want him! - Sir, that's genius! - I know! Wait, which part did you think was genius? The part where he thinks he's doing our commercial but he's actually walking into a trap.
That's the part I thought was genius, too.
Love it when we're on the same page! [humming.]
Hey, babe, how you doin' in there? Uh [man whistles.]
what's this have to do with port-o-potties? Hey, we're not just sellin' latrines here.
- We're sellin' a lifestyle.
- I'm the Ninja.
I should be doing something Brucer than latrines.
Ya gotta do it, kid.
I already used the one they gave us.
Ninja! Here's what I'm picturin'.
You emerging completely satisfied from one of my signature latrines! - Break a leg, kid! - Ugh, fine! [phone ringing.]
Go for Hollywood Howie! Uh, huh Oh, you want to hire the Ninja? Uh, huh You're offering what?! [chuckles.]
If you need a pristine latrine, look no further than Gene LeVINE.
" Cut! Cut! It's LeVEEN! It rhymes with "pristine.
" Also "latrine.
" And "Gene.
" Everybody back to one! [exhales.]
- Uh-huh.
- What'd he say? - Uh-huh.
- Is he in? - Uh-huh.
- Is he out?! Perfect.
See you tomorrow.
- Good news.
- He's out! - I said good news! - So he's in? Yes! He's in! And the minute I say "action," it'll be "fade to black" for the Ninja.
Forever! [chuckles.]
I love it! Small note: I'm saying "action.
" Hm.
What kind of agent are you? I'm sick of wonkin' around with these small-time shoobs.
Brock Octane is just a movie hero.
I'm an actual hero! I'm bigger than pizza and chicken and port-o-poopers.
Sweetheart, don't get your scarf in a knot.
I'm way ahead a ya.
Behind that door is a commercial Brock only dreams he could get.
[gasps.]
Howie, babe.
You did good.
You did real good.
Bring it in.
Hey, while you're at it, dump the small-time shoobs.
Ay, you got it.
Who's my number one boy? [snickers.]
Heh-heh-hey, Gene! Bad news, kid.
Hello? Anybody here? [groans.]
- Welcome Ninja.
- McFist?! What the juice?! There he is.
The new face of McFist Industries! What makes you think I'd ever agree to be the face of my sworn enemy? Well, your agent said two of every product we've ever made from now until forever would do the trick.
[giggles.]
This is doing the trick.
[groans.]
What're we giving him all this stuff for? We're not.
Don't you remember the plan to destroy him? Oh yeah.
I still get to say "action" though, right? So um, where do you want me Mr.
McFist? Oh, I don't know.
Um, right here.
On this X.
I say "action," you hit the X.
Me, action.
You, X.
Remember: Don't hit the button til I say "action.
" You wanna say "action"! I get it! [phone ringing.]
[both.]
Hmm? - Ah, so sorry, it's my agent.
- Stars.
Am I right? Hey! Just wanted to let you know, I got rid of your other sponsors.
- And they are not too happy about it.
- "Not too happy"? Those small-timers were lucky to get me in the first place.
- Uh, Ninja - It's show business, not show-friendedness.
Oh, and if they think they're getting any of their stuff back, they're wrong! Ninja out! [all grumbling.]
[groaning.]
Oi.
[snoring.]
[chittering.]
All right, Ninja, lights, camera, act Huh? What the Gene?! Ow! Protect the face! It's our moneymaker! [snickers.]
[gasps.]
Hi-ya! Ninja-weaponized-pizza-dodge! I can't see! [groans.]
[gasps.]
And ac Whoa! Uh-oh.
[grunts.]
Ahh! Stop it! [screeching.]
- Skee-growl! - What the honk are they so mad about?! "The Ninja belongs to everyone.
" I gave him to everyone and now they're mad at me! Oh, I gave him to everyone, which means he doesn't belong to anyone because he isn't mine to sell! Ah! She put on em glasses.
She put on em glasses.
Blast him! He's on the X! - Why aren't you blasting him! - You didn't say "action"! Oi.
I know you're upset.
But the Ninja is no longer for sale! So feel free to destank.
At your convenience.
[all growling.]
Or now would also be good.
And destank! [growling continues.]
On three: one, two, three and we are destanking - Come on! Almost there.
- Get on the X! Hi-ya! [screams.]
Why didn't that work?! How do I destank five angry sponsors? Of course, the stuff! I gotta destroy the stuff! Ninja-corporate-sponsorship- destroying-tengu-fireball! Ninja-agent-snatch! [growling.]
[groans.]
Why, Ninja-la?! Why?! It was the only way to show them I don't mean business.
Small, hardworking independent businesspeople of Norrisville, I insulted you.
And for that I apologize.
It's OK, Ninja.
We got a little hot there ourselves.
Now my agent will give you a ride back to your places of business.
[chuckles.]
Agent? No, I don't see an agent.
Just me, Howard Weinerman, innocent bystander.
Fine, I'll drive.
Everybody in the golfcart.
Smokebomb! [all coughing.]
Sorry.
I probably didn't need to go full smokebomb on you there.
I didn't even get to say "action"! I declare the new gym open for gym! [all cheering.]
Pardonne, Mr.
McFist.
You-a cutta dat ribbon so good, I was wonderin' [exhales.]
I can't believe we're walking away from this.
- It just isn't Ninja-ish.
- Yeah, you're right.
Commercials are small time anyway.
But movies I'm thinkin' Ninja and Brock Octane! Buddy cops! Day before retirement!
I was chosen to protect my school from the forces of evil.
I am the ninja.
I am Randy Cunningham.
Smoke bomb! Hi-ya.
All right Bot, time to clean your clock Get it? Come on, that deserves a hand! Oh, I did it again! Hand? Clock? [groans.]
That's it! Clock-hands, daylight savings.
Ninja-turn-back-the-clock.
Welcome to ScarfCenter! Heidi Weinerfan here with our Battle-Bloopers analyst, Howard Brosell.
We got Ninja splarts all over the place, Heidi.
Up first: UC of M's.
Unnecessary Calling-out of Moves: Ninja-Block! Ninja-Block! Ninja-Block! Unnecessary? Yes.
Shoob-larious? Dunno, let's put it to the Shoob Zone! [all.]
Shoob! Shoob! Shoob! And that's not the splurst of it.
Check out this wonk-liner: All right, Bot, time to clean your clock.
Who-oo says that?! And then he gets his butt mashed until he makes this face: [both laughing.]
Uh, that's the face I make when I put it all together.
[chuckles.]
And the fans love it! But I beat that thing! Why do you only focus on the shooby parts? What can I say? Shoob sells! [groans.]
[rumbling.]
[howling.]
Viceroy! You gotta see this.
There's a giant robot dog out there! It's the cutest thing I've ever seen! You mean Robo-Hound? I built it.
No no you couldn't have.
He's too cute.
You didn't build it.
Did you build it? You didn't build it.
[sighs.]
Zip it! ScarfCenter's back on! We're back, Ween-Peezies, with a frosh 'sode of ScarfCenter! Look for the Ninja to smokebomb here, unnecessarily flip here, here and here, and finally land in this area - to deliver a classic wonk-liner! - Smokebomb! Ooh, let's watch.
OK, Fido.
It's about to get rough.
Get it? Dog? Ruff? Wonk-liner.
Called it! [all.]
Shoob! Shoob! Shoob! Shoob? That was a great line! Huh? What the juice? [all.]
Shoob! Shoob! Shoob! Get outta here! Wowzer poundz, Big H.
Ninja's really takin' it.
You can say that again.
Ninja's fighting like a shoob out there! - [crowd.]
Shoob! Shoob! Shoob! - What? I'm not fighting like shoob am I? [chanting continues.]
I can't see! Get outta my face! [all gasping.]
What's he doing, Dub-Dip? You got me.
It's like he's just waiting to get hit.
[chanting continues.]
What the doodle?! I can't see anything! Huh? [all gasp.]
They're right.
I am fighting like a shoob! Still sliding? Really?! How is this [grunting.]
[crowd.]
Shoob! Shoob! Shoob! [yells.]
[chanting continues.]
[chanting stops.]
[chanting stops and starts with mask.]
What the shoob is happening to me?! [man.]
Sounds like you're gettin' your butt mashed out there, Ninja.
Ward Smith, the Swordsmith of Norrisville! Yes, this is perfect! You can help me! Mm, you need me to make you another sword? What? No, no, no, no, no, no, it's everybody's calling me a shoob and I'm fighting like a shoob.
What makes you think I could help you with that? All I can see is shoob! I can't see anything else! It's like I'm, you know you know - when your eyeballs and - Blind? [gasps.]
So glad you said it! It would have been weird if I said it! I can't see to fight! Can you help me? Yeah, I can help you with that.
But you have to listen to everything I say.
No questions.
Does no questions mean like, "no questions?" - 'Cause what if I - No questions means no questions! Yeah, you got it.
No questions.
[McFist laughing.]
So, who's a good boy? Who threw the Ninja so far we'll never find him? Oh, we'll find him.
Robo-Hound's a Blood-Hound.
Fun fact Viceroy: Did you know bloodhounds can be used to track people? - No, I didn't know that.
- You do now! You're welcome.
[groans.]
Hm, what should we name him? I like Lance.
You like Lance? Yes, Lance.
Whoa! So Bruce! That's my boy.
Who's gonna get the Ninja? Who's gonna get the Ninja? We are, as long as he's within sniffing distance.
Look at him! So playful.
Probably loyal, too.
Y'think Marci will let me keep him? [grunts.]
[screaming.]
Hope Ninja's OK.
The numbers are in! Robo-Hound put ScarfCenter's views through the woof! Hmm now I'm conflicted.
On one hand, Ninja's missing.
On the other hand - We have more views than Prawn Stars! - The other hand! Now, all you gotta do is cross the kitchen.
Yee-ahh! Watch out! No Ooh Don't [chuckles.]
[grunts.]
[yelps.]
Mmm.
Mm-mm-mm.
Your turn.
Huh? Uh OK, if he can do it, I can do it.
- I heard that, schmappo! - Schmappo? [makes buzzer sound.]
Already messed up, crambit! Crambit? [screaming.]
- Ooh, clamp it, boopus! - This is not helping me! Whoa! [thud.]
- Booooo-pusssss.
That's you.
- But I'm blindfolded! There's a honkin' Robo-Hound out there and all you're doing is calling me names! - You're just like the Shoob Zone.
- So say the jackanape.
Gah! You're not helping me see! I'm sick of it.
- Whambler.
- Call me whatever you want because I am done listening to you! - [alarm sounds.]
Perfect! - Right? Lance is gonna love it.
No, I mean Robo-Hound picked up Ninja's scent.
He's good as got.
Check it out.
Shaped like biscuit.
I did it! Honkin' Ward Smith calling me names.
I'm not a boopus.
He's a boopus.
Unless he's a crambit or a whambler? Are those even words? There he is! Cunningham, where have you been? I was worried.
- You were? - Can't have the Center without the Scarf! - [all.]
Shoob! Shoob! Shoob! - So say the jackanape.
Showtime! [all screaming.]
I can't fight now, I'm still blind.
Please don't be shoobed up.
[howling.]
[Ninja.]
Smokebomb! I can see! I didn't need Ward! - He's back, Ninj-fans! - Let him hear it! [all.]
Shoob! Shoob! Shoob! Zang it! No.
Not again.
Ugh! [groans.]
Why won't you let me see?! Ew! Yikes! We are witness to the most tragic ninj-trocity of all time.
Could this be the end? [all.]
Shoob! Shoob! Shoob! Whoa, guys, all right, let's dial it down a little.
Shoob's supposed to be a funny thing.
[all.]
Shoob! Shoob! Shoob! - Crambit! - Schmappo! - Jackanape! - Whambler! You forgot Boopus Boopus.
Call me whatever you want because I am done listening to you! Oh! The problem wasn't with my eyes, it was with my ears! You were teaching me to ignore it when people call me names! Now you're gettin' it, klee-klaw! [chanting continues.]
Hey, are you OK? Do you want us to stop the shoob chant? No, chant all you want.
I'm done listening.
Good, 'cause I tried to stop 'em and that was not happening.
C'mon, crambit.
Just like Ward said.
Don't listen to the name calling.
[chanting stopping and starting.]
Double dip! There's the face! Inside sources tell me that's the face he makes when he puts it all together! Ah! - Ninja-bad-dog! - "Ninja Bad Dog"? He's back! You saw it with your own ears, whipper-snips! This is Epic Ninj-action! [yelps.]
[grunts.]
[all cheering.]
No! Lance! He's a goner! You know, it's just a robot.
I can always build another one.
There will never be another Lance! [sobbing.]
[whimpers.]
Ninja-sit! All right Ninja-roll-over! Ninja-play-dead! "Ninja-play-dead?!" Can he try any less?! Hey! Why'd you pause it?! Because I know how it ends.
Heidi says "Weinersplarts" and you and your Zone chant me to shooblivion.
Just watch it.
All shoobing aside, what we saw today was an epic display of heroing.
A lone warrior.
A champion.
Norrisville, let us show him our gratitude as only we can.
Shoob Shoob Shoob [all.]
Shoob Shoob Shoob Whata they talkin' about shoob? Huh? Huh? The slow shoob.
Shoob Shoob Shoob There's something in my eye.
I gotta go.
Hehe, shoob.
With this Ninja-slice I hereby declare Norrisville High's new library open for reading! [all cheering.]
Smokebom 'Scuzi, Ninja, but I'm a-openin' my new pizzeria.
Maybe you-a come cutta da ribbon for Luigi? I don't really do ribbon cutting.
But you just a-do a-ribbon cutting.
Yeah, yeah, but only 'cause I destroyed the old library.
Turns out, Tengu Fireballs in a room of books? Not so good.
- I give you a free-a pizza pie - Uh [Howard.]
And you said no?! You said no to a free pizza pie?! - Uh, it didn't seem very Ninja-ish.
- It's totally Ninja-ish.
Celebrities use their names to get free stuff all the time.
Why do you think Brock Octane does those corn chip commercials? I love my Macho Cheese CrunchRitos Macho Cheese CrunchRitos! You man enough to shower in 'em? [chomps.]
I love my Macho Cheese Crunch I thought he did those for the money.
[scoffs.]
Money.
He does 'em for the free corn chips.
I'll bet he's got a house full of those things.
You think that's why he does those salsa commercials? [jazzy music plays.]
That's exactly why he does those salsa commercials! Who has a houseful of corn chips and no salsa?! - That could be your house, Cunningham.
- I'm not really a corn chip guy.
- No.
But you are a pizza guy.
- Get Luigi on the phone! He's number one, two and three on my speed dial.
Oh-ho! Perfect timing, Nomicon.
I've got exciting news, buddy.
Howard and I are going to use the Ninja to get free pizza.
How Bruce is that? Huh? [crowd grumbling.]
[gulps.]
[screams.]
[laughing.]
Huh? "The Ninja Belongs To Everyone.
" So you're saying I should go for more than free pizza! Like free everything? I like the way you think, Nomicon.
Howard! Nomicon says go big! Howard? Huh? [clears throat.]
Bubbie call me "Hollywood Howie.
" "Hollywood Howie? Ninja Agent?" Why would the Ninja need an agent? 'Cause ninjas know bubkis about show business.
Now suit up, Mr.
Big Scarf.
You got a commercial in 20.
Now that's what I'm talking about! I can't believe you already got me a commercial! Boy-chick, I already got us a commercial.
[both yell.]
[beeping.]
[video game sounds.]
Hm? Hi, there.
I'm the Ninja of Norrisville.
I don't always play video games, but when I do, I play at Greg's Game Hole.
I'm running a full price special right skeenow everything full price! [both.]
Greg's Game Hole: It's Hole-licious! This is amazing! We have so many tokens, we can't die! We're immortal! [both laughing.]
In battle, there's only two sides: Good and Evil.
But here at Charlie Clucker's, there's 16 sides to choose from! And you can have 'em all with Charlie's new All-Sides Combo! Hey, I'll take the pizza salad, marshmallow poppers and what is what is that, borscht? [both laughing.]
[chuckles.]
There's one thing my ninja sword can't protect me from: the sun's damaging ultra-violet rays.
Which is why I go to Put on 'Em Glasses.
They have the Brucest shades in the Cheesest styles.
Cheesest? Are you serious? Who wrote this? [both laughing.]
I'm a celebrity! Yes! now everything full price! [both.]
Greg's Game Hole: It's Hole-licious! - I can't believe it - I know.
"Full price? " Why even make a commercial? He's a sell out.
A flim-flam man.
A huckster.
Doesn't seem very Ninja-ish.
I want him! - Sir, that's genius! - I know! Wait, which part did you think was genius? The part where he thinks he's doing our commercial but he's actually walking into a trap.
That's the part I thought was genius, too.
Love it when we're on the same page! [humming.]
Hey, babe, how you doin' in there? Uh [man whistles.]
what's this have to do with port-o-potties? Hey, we're not just sellin' latrines here.
- We're sellin' a lifestyle.
- I'm the Ninja.
I should be doing something Brucer than latrines.
Ya gotta do it, kid.
I already used the one they gave us.
Ninja! Here's what I'm picturin'.
You emerging completely satisfied from one of my signature latrines! - Break a leg, kid! - Ugh, fine! [phone ringing.]
Go for Hollywood Howie! Uh, huh Oh, you want to hire the Ninja? Uh, huh You're offering what?! [chuckles.]
If you need a pristine latrine, look no further than Gene LeVINE.
" Cut! Cut! It's LeVEEN! It rhymes with "pristine.
" Also "latrine.
" And "Gene.
" Everybody back to one! [exhales.]
- Uh-huh.
- What'd he say? - Uh-huh.
- Is he in? - Uh-huh.
- Is he out?! Perfect.
See you tomorrow.
- Good news.
- He's out! - I said good news! - So he's in? Yes! He's in! And the minute I say "action," it'll be "fade to black" for the Ninja.
Forever! [chuckles.]
I love it! Small note: I'm saying "action.
" Hm.
What kind of agent are you? I'm sick of wonkin' around with these small-time shoobs.
Brock Octane is just a movie hero.
I'm an actual hero! I'm bigger than pizza and chicken and port-o-poopers.
Sweetheart, don't get your scarf in a knot.
I'm way ahead a ya.
Behind that door is a commercial Brock only dreams he could get.
[gasps.]
Howie, babe.
You did good.
You did real good.
Bring it in.
Hey, while you're at it, dump the small-time shoobs.
Ay, you got it.
Who's my number one boy? [snickers.]
Heh-heh-hey, Gene! Bad news, kid.
Hello? Anybody here? [groans.]
- Welcome Ninja.
- McFist?! What the juice?! There he is.
The new face of McFist Industries! What makes you think I'd ever agree to be the face of my sworn enemy? Well, your agent said two of every product we've ever made from now until forever would do the trick.
[giggles.]
This is doing the trick.
[groans.]
What're we giving him all this stuff for? We're not.
Don't you remember the plan to destroy him? Oh yeah.
I still get to say "action" though, right? So um, where do you want me Mr.
McFist? Oh, I don't know.
Um, right here.
On this X.
I say "action," you hit the X.
Me, action.
You, X.
Remember: Don't hit the button til I say "action.
" You wanna say "action"! I get it! [phone ringing.]
[both.]
Hmm? - Ah, so sorry, it's my agent.
- Stars.
Am I right? Hey! Just wanted to let you know, I got rid of your other sponsors.
- And they are not too happy about it.
- "Not too happy"? Those small-timers were lucky to get me in the first place.
- Uh, Ninja - It's show business, not show-friendedness.
Oh, and if they think they're getting any of their stuff back, they're wrong! Ninja out! [all grumbling.]
[groaning.]
Oi.
[snoring.]
[chittering.]
All right, Ninja, lights, camera, act Huh? What the Gene?! Ow! Protect the face! It's our moneymaker! [snickers.]
[gasps.]
Hi-ya! Ninja-weaponized-pizza-dodge! I can't see! [groans.]
[gasps.]
And ac Whoa! Uh-oh.
[grunts.]
Ahh! Stop it! [screeching.]
- Skee-growl! - What the honk are they so mad about?! "The Ninja belongs to everyone.
" I gave him to everyone and now they're mad at me! Oh, I gave him to everyone, which means he doesn't belong to anyone because he isn't mine to sell! Ah! She put on em glasses.
She put on em glasses.
Blast him! He's on the X! - Why aren't you blasting him! - You didn't say "action"! Oi.
I know you're upset.
But the Ninja is no longer for sale! So feel free to destank.
At your convenience.
[all growling.]
Or now would also be good.
And destank! [growling continues.]
On three: one, two, three and we are destanking - Come on! Almost there.
- Get on the X! Hi-ya! [screams.]
Why didn't that work?! How do I destank five angry sponsors? Of course, the stuff! I gotta destroy the stuff! Ninja-corporate-sponsorship- destroying-tengu-fireball! Ninja-agent-snatch! [growling.]
[groans.]
Why, Ninja-la?! Why?! It was the only way to show them I don't mean business.
Small, hardworking independent businesspeople of Norrisville, I insulted you.
And for that I apologize.
It's OK, Ninja.
We got a little hot there ourselves.
Now my agent will give you a ride back to your places of business.
[chuckles.]
Agent? No, I don't see an agent.
Just me, Howard Weinerman, innocent bystander.
Fine, I'll drive.
Everybody in the golfcart.
Smokebomb! [all coughing.]
Sorry.
I probably didn't need to go full smokebomb on you there.
I didn't even get to say "action"! I declare the new gym open for gym! [all cheering.]
Pardonne, Mr.
McFist.
You-a cutta dat ribbon so good, I was wonderin' [exhales.]
I can't believe we're walking away from this.
- It just isn't Ninja-ish.
- Yeah, you're right.
Commercials are small time anyway.
But movies I'm thinkin' Ninja and Brock Octane! Buddy cops! Day before retirement!