Still the King (2016) s02e12 Episode Script
Vernon's Single
1 Walt: Last time on "Still The King" You ever get caught pretending to be someone you're not? - Ronnie? - Ronnie? I'm Vernon Brown, and I always get center stage.
You are a handsome and powerful man.
We thought you blew up.
Yeah, I get that a lot.
We're not Hibachi guys.
We work for the SEC.
- Jim: We're after your boss.
- What? Are you upset because Ronnie proposed to your mama tonight? What? Did I do something wrong, boss? I am the king.
Oh, it's kinda like that boobs and dragon show on HBO.
It's exactly like that, Ronnie.
Just like most love stories in the world It all started with a boy meets girl He was country's bad boy, he was on her list But a one-night stand turned into a tryst And two became three, suddenly This ragtag crew became a family He knocked her up, not once but twice A cheap but effective plot device It's plot device Her head keeps calling it just a fling But her heart keeps saying Heart keeps saying He's still the king [clapping.]
[gasps.]
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh - Hey, baby, I thought - Charlotte, have you seen my What are you guys doing? Nothing.
- I was just getting some OJ.
- pastry strudel.
Excuse me, I'm just gonna My bad, I actually better get moving anyway.
I got a meeting in a couple of hours with Courtney.
Wait.
I'll just head on out.
Have a good day.
What? Morning, ladies.
Why are you dressed for work? Bad news, babe, Papa Bear's gotta go into the old office.
Okay, Papa Bear cannot become a thing.
Ronnie, our rehearsal dinner's tonight.
I know.
But trust me, there's big things going down at the office, and I need to be there.
I'm doing it for us.
I promise to be at Betty's by 6.
And I vow to never leave your side for the rest of our lives, even when you're in the bathroom.
Okay, maybe I should proof your vows before tomorrow.
Whatever.
Papa Bear, out.
Can't wait for Papa Bear to hibernate.
I'll sleep when I'm dead.
Jim, put that away.
We've got company.
I can see that, Gene.
I've got eyes.
Alright, what do you want? Turns out, Coy is an amoral, hedonistic, omnisexual gentleman of leisure.
Those are his words.
It's how he introduces himself to people.
Plus, he framed me.
Trident Marina is in my name, and it's neither trident nor marina.
You had your chance.
You're just as guilty as Coy.
You're going down with the ship.
What? No.
I'll do anything.
Seriously, anything.
Okay.
First, you're gonna have to wear these cufflinks.
Cufflinks? Leftie is the camera, righty is a microphone.
Oh.
Hey, Born.
James Born.
Look, Coy needs to admit on record that he framed you by tomorrow, or you're taking the fall alone.
Ooh, bit of a problemo, Haus.
I custom-tailor my shirts.
Uh, sleeves can't contain me.
No.
No way.
It's not gonna happen.
You remember what happened last time? He's your size.
So you just went from the center of the vase outward and just ground it with the bigger flowers, okay? Oh.
Very novice approach, Debbie.
The greenery, or filler as you so cutely refer to it, is actually the secret to any balanced arrangement.
- Wow.
Those are phenomenal.
- Yep.
My ex-wife Cynthia said my crafty side was emasculating.
But I know that's not true.
That makes sense.
Okay, here are the rest of the place cards.
But are the seating assignments really necessary? Yes.
So I don't get stuck next to some lurky uncle who keeps complimenting my earlobes.
I will quarantine Uncle Fred at the end of the end.
Kaitlynn, I will put you next to Ronnie's cousin, Tanner.
Confident with a great smile.
Just don't get him started on ATVs.
Mm, mommy likes.
He's allowed exclusive earlobe access.
Ladies, have you seen the baby's breath? Sorry, Doily.
Charlotte, I'm gonna put you on my left, across from Grandmother.
And then Vernon and I will sit here.
Uh, you mean Ronnie.
Yeah, that's what I said.
Ronnie and I will sit here.
Babe, you said Vernon.
That's crazy.
Why would I say Vernon? That's rhetorical, right? Ronnie, Vernon, okay, they both have "ons" in their names, and it gets confusing.
Really? That's the defense you're gonna go with? Mm-hmm, yeah, it is.
Exactly what I'm gonna go with, yep.
Uh, hey.
We're out of baby's breath, okay? It's over! Call it off! We're out of baby's breath! It's no more! Anything no! Ah, God, thank God! That was close! That was close.
Vernon, you are my favorite soon-to-be back-on-top superstar.
I mean, you're the franchise, baby.
Man, if I was soon-to-be back-on-top, when's my new single coming out? Oh, tonight.
Tonight? How's it coming out tonight? It ain't even mixed yet.
Mixed.
It's been remixed.
Woman: Alright, rehearsal's up, let's take it from the top.
If you heard me coming to my right I'd be forever wondering why I never found my destiny [unintelligible.]
I wouldn't be me I wouldn't be me I wouldn't be me I wouldn't be me I wouldn't be me Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me I wouldn't be me Courtney: [cheering.]
The work of genius! Woman: That sounds great, everyone, let's take five.
It's crap.
I am gonna totally nail Artist of the Year! Ohhh! [laughs.]
Con artist of the Year.
Hell, you stole my song.
Mm.
Last I remember, we practically wrote it together.
You blurted out a couple words.
I wrote the song for Debbie.
Well, I'm releasing it as Regina's first single tonight, immediately following her live performance on my streaming service.
That's not gonna work for me, Haus.
That song's about me singing it to Debbie.
Okay, that's why you're getting songwriting credit.
That means nothing to me if I ain't singing it for Debbie.
Vern, this is a big payday for you.
The song is a hit.
It used to be a hit.
You turned it into a freaking freak show.
Okay, okay, look, it's a moot point.
You signed away all your licensing rights to me months ago.
Like hell I did.
You didn't have your lawyer look over the paperwork? Yeah, the lawyer that you recommended.
Oh, right.
See this? This proves that I own the song, and I can do with it as I please.
That's bull! - [screaming.]
- No! My CDs! Security! Security! Could you please escort Mr.
Vernon Brown off the premises and make sure he doesn't come back.
This ain't over, Courtney! I made as much money off of you as I can, so, yes, it is.
It's pretty much over.
[screams.]
Now it's over! I got it! [coughing.]
Ronnie.
Come join us in the sauna.
It's delightful.
- Isn't that right, Vance? - Yeah.
Like ten hours into our hot box detox, I feel great.
Let's go, two more hours.
Well, the cufflinks are out.
Damn.
Coy's good.
Maybe we can what's he doing? No.
He wouldn't shove that up oh, God, yes, he would.
I understand the microphone.
But why would he put the camera up there? Both: [grimaces.]
Oh hey, guys.
Oh, Ronnie.
Time for a pat down.
I'm just joking.
Who put a light on that thing? You wanted lights on all the tech.
You know, I was a fool to get tangled up with those agents.
But I want you to know, this stallion is no one-trick pony.
Well, now that's good to know.
Because we were dreading having to shoot our prized pony on the track.
Speak for yourself.
So, tell me, what is the dirt on that marina? Go on.
Coy: Ronnie, we'll get into that later.
First, it's time for us to celebrate your impending nuptials with the other ponies.
Okay.
- [yelps.]
- Coy: Giddity-up.
How is he operating the zoom? It really is a tight angle.
I can't believe this.
I wrote the song for Debbie, now it looks like I'm losing both of 'em.
We could always crash her performance tonight? Security's got my mug all over their kick his ass if you see 'im list.
What if they don't see your ass? You don't physically have to be there.
These streaming sites are usually pretty low stakes.
Makeup tutorials, cute animals, babies laughing, blah, blah, blah.
But low stakes means low security.
If I can access one of their accounts, I can get into their streaming services and their videos.
Oh, it's pass protected.
Uh, statistically, people use their date of birth and their pet's name for their password, but the odds of guessing that combination are astronomical.
Try "password.
" Yeah, right.
[computer dings.]
Ah, it worked.
We're in.
- Walt: Password? - Nice.
Now when Regina starts her show tonight, we can turn it into whatever we want.
Can we finally tell the world we're living in a simulation? After Vernon does his version of the song, absolutely.
First things first.
Hot damn, you guys are brilliant.
I mean, hell's bells, let's call the band, get 'em over here right now.
Let's perform the song for the whole world to see and hear.
Okay, it's not the whole world.
You have to take those expectations down just like a little bit.
It's gonna be like 500,000 to a million.
- Hell, that's enough.
- That's a lot of people.
Let's do it.
Get ahold of Mo.
I can't wait for Ronnie to see how great this all looks.
Do you know Ronnie loves sunflowers? Ronnie, is gonna think this is all fantastic.
Say his name all you want, but that doesn't change the fact that you have feelings for Vernon.
Okay, fine, we had a moment.
[gasps.]
Define moment.
Alright, I was trying on my wedding dress, and he told me I looked beautiful.
And when I turned around he kissed me.
- [gasps.]
- Oh my God, Mom! Oh, that is definitely a moment.
I didn't kiss him back.
If you have feelings for Dad, how can you just go on ignore them? I know.
Babe, it's just complicated.
I mean, sometimes when you're an adult, you just you have to make choices that aren't black and white.
And that's why adults are allowed to drink.
Honey, me marrying Ronnie, it doesn't mean that Vernon can't be in your life.
Just not mine.
Damn it, this baby is playing hackesack with my bladder.
I gotta pee again.
I have to tell my dad.
I have to tell my dad how she feels, he has feelings for her.
- What am I supposed to do? - Don't get involved.
Don't get involved alright, fine! I'm not telling you what to do, but I'm also not not gonna tell you to go tell Vernon.
Just to be clear, you are saying that I should Tell Vernon what the hell is going on.
I will cover for you here.
Okay.
Okay, right.
Same same page.
All: [laughing.]
What do you think? It's your turn.
Yee-haw! Coy: Get out the branding iron.
Can you imagine? All: [laughing.]
Hey, Coy.
Oh, Ronnie.
I got some ideas on Trident Marina I was gonna boomerang off of ya.
Mm-hmm.
How 'bout some shop talk? Now's not the time for business.
The only thing I like mixing with pleasure is pleasure.
Hey, bud.
[laughs.]
Oh, yeah.
[laughs.]
What's the most illegal thing you've done in this office? Man: I used Coy's Hula password.
All: [laughing.]
Hey! Who's done anything crazy recently? [laughs.]
Speak up, speak up! Enunciate.
Enunciate.
Hey, what's Coy been up to recently? I'm gonna shred you like we shredded those files last week, right? Only thing getting shredded, pony boy, is you.
[laughs.]
Hey, Bern, how you're doing? What are you thoughts on Trident Marina? It's fit for Poseidon himself.
Both: [laughing.]
[choking.]
You ever think about growing a mustache? You should.
The babes love it.
[phone ringing.]
- Uh, Coy.
- Yeah? - Can I have a word? - Sure, Ronnie.
You know, you're like a father to me.
Oh, interesting role play choice.
Okay, go on.
Uh.
Mmm.
- Coy Fisher - Mm-hmm.
would you do me the honor of being my best man? Who's utmost duty is to come with me to my rehearsal dinner right now? I mean, I get to be in the wedding party? Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
Well, then yes! A thousand times yes! [applause.]
[guitar tuning.]
Val, don't you just love the romance of twinkly lights? No.
Remember, just start on Mo's kick drum, then pan up me, then pretty much just hold there until the end of the song.
Dad! I need to talk to you.
Honey, could this wait? I don't think so.
Mom has feelings for you.
God, I wish that was true, baby, but I took my shot.
It was a mistake.
No, I don't think so.
She literally can't stop thinking about you.
You need to go and talk to her.
We're about T-minus 15 minutes until Regina's performance.
What do you wanna do? Leia, can we take this rodeo on the road? I can take over the stream from anywhere.
Just give me a minute to get my stuff.
- Ready.
- Let's go.
What about us? I'm so glad we all rushed over here for nothing.
It's exciting though.
It's like we're all sidekicks in someone else's story.
Get it off! Finally as a happily married man, my best advice to you would be to stay open to everyone who presents themselves along the way.
To my dominant stallion and his mare.
Yeehaw! All: Yeehaw.
Ah, do you trust this woman, Ronnie? With all my heart.
With all of our secrets? What secrets exactly do you mean? Well, you know, that little legal bait and switch that we've been running through the sham of Trident Marina that I put your name on.
Yes, yes.
[laughs.]
Yes.
Nature calls.
I'll be back, babe.
Okay.
[chuckles.]
Has Ronnie hipped you to the concept of [unintelligible.]
? Vernon: Excuse me.
If could have a moment of y'alls time.
I'm Vernon Brown.
Um I wanna play this song for a very special lady in the audience tonight.
I need to play it for her now before it's too late.
I wanna play this song for a very special lady in the audience tonight.
[indistinct chatter.]
Alright, are you all ready to rock? [crowd cheering.]
[static hums.]
If I never see your smile again What the [bleep.]
is this? Cut it.
Never want to touch your skin [unintelligible.]
If I couldn't love you, I wouldn't be me If the night couldn't kiss the morning sun Like a river that has no Wow, we're at 5,000 views and counting.
Whoa.
God only knows where I might be If I didn't love you, I wouldn't be me I wrote that song for you, Deb.
[crowd ohs.]
[slaps.]
[audience ohs.]
This is good, this is good.
[indistinct chatter.]
[applause.]
Read the room, Doily.
Not the time, not the time.
[knocking.]
Did you hear that? I did it! Let's go lasso that SOB.
Oh, it takes a few days to process.
Sometimes while criminals screw themselves.
Damn, that's anticlimactic.
Tell me about it.
Well, I guess you guys want these back.
No, no, no.
Those are all yours.
You can keep 'em.
Are you sure? Little parting gift, if you will.
- They're nice.
- No, they're yours.
Alright, thanks.
[sniffs.]
Okay, Deb, maybe I deserve that slap.
You deserve a lot more than a slap for what you just did out there.
You're the one who apparently can't get me out of your head.
Because you won't let me! Well, now you don't have to.
I'm all in, Deb.
Me and you, right now, let's get out of here.
Vernon, stop.
I'm marrying Ronnie.
Are you telling me you're gonna be happy with him? No, I'm gonna be secure with him.
You want security, maybe you outta get a damn alarm system.
Vernon, security is a man who remembers my birthday, who helps me build a crib, who gives me my dream proposal.
Security is the man who actually comes home at night, not just sing about it.
Deb, I wrote that song for you.
I mean, that's my feelings, that's my heart.
You said audience out there.
You said there's a special lady in the audience, Vernon, you will always need that attention.
I can't be your audience anymore.
That's not what I meant.
Vernon, just be selfless for once and let me get on with my life.
Come on, man, let's go get a drink.
Not right now, man.
I need to be alone.
That's just me loving you [phone ringing.]
Courtney: Vernon, you're a genius! I got that slap on tape, man.
Classic heartfelt gesture fail! Oh, and the song's a hit! I'll still be loving you loving me
You are a handsome and powerful man.
We thought you blew up.
Yeah, I get that a lot.
We're not Hibachi guys.
We work for the SEC.
- Jim: We're after your boss.
- What? Are you upset because Ronnie proposed to your mama tonight? What? Did I do something wrong, boss? I am the king.
Oh, it's kinda like that boobs and dragon show on HBO.
It's exactly like that, Ronnie.
Just like most love stories in the world It all started with a boy meets girl He was country's bad boy, he was on her list But a one-night stand turned into a tryst And two became three, suddenly This ragtag crew became a family He knocked her up, not once but twice A cheap but effective plot device It's plot device Her head keeps calling it just a fling But her heart keeps saying Heart keeps saying He's still the king [clapping.]
[gasps.]
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh - Hey, baby, I thought - Charlotte, have you seen my What are you guys doing? Nothing.
- I was just getting some OJ.
- pastry strudel.
Excuse me, I'm just gonna My bad, I actually better get moving anyway.
I got a meeting in a couple of hours with Courtney.
Wait.
I'll just head on out.
Have a good day.
What? Morning, ladies.
Why are you dressed for work? Bad news, babe, Papa Bear's gotta go into the old office.
Okay, Papa Bear cannot become a thing.
Ronnie, our rehearsal dinner's tonight.
I know.
But trust me, there's big things going down at the office, and I need to be there.
I'm doing it for us.
I promise to be at Betty's by 6.
And I vow to never leave your side for the rest of our lives, even when you're in the bathroom.
Okay, maybe I should proof your vows before tomorrow.
Whatever.
Papa Bear, out.
Can't wait for Papa Bear to hibernate.
I'll sleep when I'm dead.
Jim, put that away.
We've got company.
I can see that, Gene.
I've got eyes.
Alright, what do you want? Turns out, Coy is an amoral, hedonistic, omnisexual gentleman of leisure.
Those are his words.
It's how he introduces himself to people.
Plus, he framed me.
Trident Marina is in my name, and it's neither trident nor marina.
You had your chance.
You're just as guilty as Coy.
You're going down with the ship.
What? No.
I'll do anything.
Seriously, anything.
Okay.
First, you're gonna have to wear these cufflinks.
Cufflinks? Leftie is the camera, righty is a microphone.
Oh.
Hey, Born.
James Born.
Look, Coy needs to admit on record that he framed you by tomorrow, or you're taking the fall alone.
Ooh, bit of a problemo, Haus.
I custom-tailor my shirts.
Uh, sleeves can't contain me.
No.
No way.
It's not gonna happen.
You remember what happened last time? He's your size.
So you just went from the center of the vase outward and just ground it with the bigger flowers, okay? Oh.
Very novice approach, Debbie.
The greenery, or filler as you so cutely refer to it, is actually the secret to any balanced arrangement.
- Wow.
Those are phenomenal.
- Yep.
My ex-wife Cynthia said my crafty side was emasculating.
But I know that's not true.
That makes sense.
Okay, here are the rest of the place cards.
But are the seating assignments really necessary? Yes.
So I don't get stuck next to some lurky uncle who keeps complimenting my earlobes.
I will quarantine Uncle Fred at the end of the end.
Kaitlynn, I will put you next to Ronnie's cousin, Tanner.
Confident with a great smile.
Just don't get him started on ATVs.
Mm, mommy likes.
He's allowed exclusive earlobe access.
Ladies, have you seen the baby's breath? Sorry, Doily.
Charlotte, I'm gonna put you on my left, across from Grandmother.
And then Vernon and I will sit here.
Uh, you mean Ronnie.
Yeah, that's what I said.
Ronnie and I will sit here.
Babe, you said Vernon.
That's crazy.
Why would I say Vernon? That's rhetorical, right? Ronnie, Vernon, okay, they both have "ons" in their names, and it gets confusing.
Really? That's the defense you're gonna go with? Mm-hmm, yeah, it is.
Exactly what I'm gonna go with, yep.
Uh, hey.
We're out of baby's breath, okay? It's over! Call it off! We're out of baby's breath! It's no more! Anything no! Ah, God, thank God! That was close! That was close.
Vernon, you are my favorite soon-to-be back-on-top superstar.
I mean, you're the franchise, baby.
Man, if I was soon-to-be back-on-top, when's my new single coming out? Oh, tonight.
Tonight? How's it coming out tonight? It ain't even mixed yet.
Mixed.
It's been remixed.
Woman: Alright, rehearsal's up, let's take it from the top.
If you heard me coming to my right I'd be forever wondering why I never found my destiny [unintelligible.]
I wouldn't be me I wouldn't be me I wouldn't be me I wouldn't be me I wouldn't be me Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me I wouldn't be me Courtney: [cheering.]
The work of genius! Woman: That sounds great, everyone, let's take five.
It's crap.
I am gonna totally nail Artist of the Year! Ohhh! [laughs.]
Con artist of the Year.
Hell, you stole my song.
Mm.
Last I remember, we practically wrote it together.
You blurted out a couple words.
I wrote the song for Debbie.
Well, I'm releasing it as Regina's first single tonight, immediately following her live performance on my streaming service.
That's not gonna work for me, Haus.
That song's about me singing it to Debbie.
Okay, that's why you're getting songwriting credit.
That means nothing to me if I ain't singing it for Debbie.
Vern, this is a big payday for you.
The song is a hit.
It used to be a hit.
You turned it into a freaking freak show.
Okay, okay, look, it's a moot point.
You signed away all your licensing rights to me months ago.
Like hell I did.
You didn't have your lawyer look over the paperwork? Yeah, the lawyer that you recommended.
Oh, right.
See this? This proves that I own the song, and I can do with it as I please.
That's bull! - [screaming.]
- No! My CDs! Security! Security! Could you please escort Mr.
Vernon Brown off the premises and make sure he doesn't come back.
This ain't over, Courtney! I made as much money off of you as I can, so, yes, it is.
It's pretty much over.
[screams.]
Now it's over! I got it! [coughing.]
Ronnie.
Come join us in the sauna.
It's delightful.
- Isn't that right, Vance? - Yeah.
Like ten hours into our hot box detox, I feel great.
Let's go, two more hours.
Well, the cufflinks are out.
Damn.
Coy's good.
Maybe we can what's he doing? No.
He wouldn't shove that up oh, God, yes, he would.
I understand the microphone.
But why would he put the camera up there? Both: [grimaces.]
Oh hey, guys.
Oh, Ronnie.
Time for a pat down.
I'm just joking.
Who put a light on that thing? You wanted lights on all the tech.
You know, I was a fool to get tangled up with those agents.
But I want you to know, this stallion is no one-trick pony.
Well, now that's good to know.
Because we were dreading having to shoot our prized pony on the track.
Speak for yourself.
So, tell me, what is the dirt on that marina? Go on.
Coy: Ronnie, we'll get into that later.
First, it's time for us to celebrate your impending nuptials with the other ponies.
Okay.
- [yelps.]
- Coy: Giddity-up.
How is he operating the zoom? It really is a tight angle.
I can't believe this.
I wrote the song for Debbie, now it looks like I'm losing both of 'em.
We could always crash her performance tonight? Security's got my mug all over their kick his ass if you see 'im list.
What if they don't see your ass? You don't physically have to be there.
These streaming sites are usually pretty low stakes.
Makeup tutorials, cute animals, babies laughing, blah, blah, blah.
But low stakes means low security.
If I can access one of their accounts, I can get into their streaming services and their videos.
Oh, it's pass protected.
Uh, statistically, people use their date of birth and their pet's name for their password, but the odds of guessing that combination are astronomical.
Try "password.
" Yeah, right.
[computer dings.]
Ah, it worked.
We're in.
- Walt: Password? - Nice.
Now when Regina starts her show tonight, we can turn it into whatever we want.
Can we finally tell the world we're living in a simulation? After Vernon does his version of the song, absolutely.
First things first.
Hot damn, you guys are brilliant.
I mean, hell's bells, let's call the band, get 'em over here right now.
Let's perform the song for the whole world to see and hear.
Okay, it's not the whole world.
You have to take those expectations down just like a little bit.
It's gonna be like 500,000 to a million.
- Hell, that's enough.
- That's a lot of people.
Let's do it.
Get ahold of Mo.
I can't wait for Ronnie to see how great this all looks.
Do you know Ronnie loves sunflowers? Ronnie, is gonna think this is all fantastic.
Say his name all you want, but that doesn't change the fact that you have feelings for Vernon.
Okay, fine, we had a moment.
[gasps.]
Define moment.
Alright, I was trying on my wedding dress, and he told me I looked beautiful.
And when I turned around he kissed me.
- [gasps.]
- Oh my God, Mom! Oh, that is definitely a moment.
I didn't kiss him back.
If you have feelings for Dad, how can you just go on ignore them? I know.
Babe, it's just complicated.
I mean, sometimes when you're an adult, you just you have to make choices that aren't black and white.
And that's why adults are allowed to drink.
Honey, me marrying Ronnie, it doesn't mean that Vernon can't be in your life.
Just not mine.
Damn it, this baby is playing hackesack with my bladder.
I gotta pee again.
I have to tell my dad.
I have to tell my dad how she feels, he has feelings for her.
- What am I supposed to do? - Don't get involved.
Don't get involved alright, fine! I'm not telling you what to do, but I'm also not not gonna tell you to go tell Vernon.
Just to be clear, you are saying that I should Tell Vernon what the hell is going on.
I will cover for you here.
Okay.
Okay, right.
Same same page.
All: [laughing.]
What do you think? It's your turn.
Yee-haw! Coy: Get out the branding iron.
Can you imagine? All: [laughing.]
Hey, Coy.
Oh, Ronnie.
I got some ideas on Trident Marina I was gonna boomerang off of ya.
Mm-hmm.
How 'bout some shop talk? Now's not the time for business.
The only thing I like mixing with pleasure is pleasure.
Hey, bud.
[laughs.]
Oh, yeah.
[laughs.]
What's the most illegal thing you've done in this office? Man: I used Coy's Hula password.
All: [laughing.]
Hey! Who's done anything crazy recently? [laughs.]
Speak up, speak up! Enunciate.
Enunciate.
Hey, what's Coy been up to recently? I'm gonna shred you like we shredded those files last week, right? Only thing getting shredded, pony boy, is you.
[laughs.]
Hey, Bern, how you're doing? What are you thoughts on Trident Marina? It's fit for Poseidon himself.
Both: [laughing.]
[choking.]
You ever think about growing a mustache? You should.
The babes love it.
[phone ringing.]
- Uh, Coy.
- Yeah? - Can I have a word? - Sure, Ronnie.
You know, you're like a father to me.
Oh, interesting role play choice.
Okay, go on.
Uh.
Mmm.
- Coy Fisher - Mm-hmm.
would you do me the honor of being my best man? Who's utmost duty is to come with me to my rehearsal dinner right now? I mean, I get to be in the wedding party? Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
Well, then yes! A thousand times yes! [applause.]
[guitar tuning.]
Val, don't you just love the romance of twinkly lights? No.
Remember, just start on Mo's kick drum, then pan up me, then pretty much just hold there until the end of the song.
Dad! I need to talk to you.
Honey, could this wait? I don't think so.
Mom has feelings for you.
God, I wish that was true, baby, but I took my shot.
It was a mistake.
No, I don't think so.
She literally can't stop thinking about you.
You need to go and talk to her.
We're about T-minus 15 minutes until Regina's performance.
What do you wanna do? Leia, can we take this rodeo on the road? I can take over the stream from anywhere.
Just give me a minute to get my stuff.
- Ready.
- Let's go.
What about us? I'm so glad we all rushed over here for nothing.
It's exciting though.
It's like we're all sidekicks in someone else's story.
Get it off! Finally as a happily married man, my best advice to you would be to stay open to everyone who presents themselves along the way.
To my dominant stallion and his mare.
Yeehaw! All: Yeehaw.
Ah, do you trust this woman, Ronnie? With all my heart.
With all of our secrets? What secrets exactly do you mean? Well, you know, that little legal bait and switch that we've been running through the sham of Trident Marina that I put your name on.
Yes, yes.
[laughs.]
Yes.
Nature calls.
I'll be back, babe.
Okay.
[chuckles.]
Has Ronnie hipped you to the concept of [unintelligible.]
? Vernon: Excuse me.
If could have a moment of y'alls time.
I'm Vernon Brown.
Um I wanna play this song for a very special lady in the audience tonight.
I need to play it for her now before it's too late.
I wanna play this song for a very special lady in the audience tonight.
[indistinct chatter.]
Alright, are you all ready to rock? [crowd cheering.]
[static hums.]
If I never see your smile again What the [bleep.]
is this? Cut it.
Never want to touch your skin [unintelligible.]
If I couldn't love you, I wouldn't be me If the night couldn't kiss the morning sun Like a river that has no Wow, we're at 5,000 views and counting.
Whoa.
God only knows where I might be If I didn't love you, I wouldn't be me I wrote that song for you, Deb.
[crowd ohs.]
[slaps.]
[audience ohs.]
This is good, this is good.
[indistinct chatter.]
[applause.]
Read the room, Doily.
Not the time, not the time.
[knocking.]
Did you hear that? I did it! Let's go lasso that SOB.
Oh, it takes a few days to process.
Sometimes while criminals screw themselves.
Damn, that's anticlimactic.
Tell me about it.
Well, I guess you guys want these back.
No, no, no.
Those are all yours.
You can keep 'em.
Are you sure? Little parting gift, if you will.
- They're nice.
- No, they're yours.
Alright, thanks.
[sniffs.]
Okay, Deb, maybe I deserve that slap.
You deserve a lot more than a slap for what you just did out there.
You're the one who apparently can't get me out of your head.
Because you won't let me! Well, now you don't have to.
I'm all in, Deb.
Me and you, right now, let's get out of here.
Vernon, stop.
I'm marrying Ronnie.
Are you telling me you're gonna be happy with him? No, I'm gonna be secure with him.
You want security, maybe you outta get a damn alarm system.
Vernon, security is a man who remembers my birthday, who helps me build a crib, who gives me my dream proposal.
Security is the man who actually comes home at night, not just sing about it.
Deb, I wrote that song for you.
I mean, that's my feelings, that's my heart.
You said audience out there.
You said there's a special lady in the audience, Vernon, you will always need that attention.
I can't be your audience anymore.
That's not what I meant.
Vernon, just be selfless for once and let me get on with my life.
Come on, man, let's go get a drink.
Not right now, man.
I need to be alone.
That's just me loving you [phone ringing.]
Courtney: Vernon, you're a genius! I got that slap on tape, man.
Classic heartfelt gesture fail! Oh, and the song's a hit! I'll still be loving you loving me