The A-Team (1983) s02e12 Episode Script
The White Ballot
NARRATOR: 10 years ago, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a miIitary court for a crime they didn't commit.
These men promptIy escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los AngeIes underground.
Today, stiII wanted by the government, they survive as soIdiers of fortune.
If you have a probIem, if no one eIse can heIp and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.
[Theme music.]
OLLlE: Come on, Sheriff, that was a scratch, plain as day.
Hold your water, Ollie.
l was just practicing.
There ain't nothing in the rules about practise shots.
My rules are different than yours, Ollie.
Ain't that right, boys? Nine ball, corner pocket.
We got him out back in the squad car.
Hiya, Jimmy.
How's the newspaper business? Why don't you step out so we can have a IittIe taIk? ls that what you said to Stan King before you rolled his car in a ditch? See, that's the kind of thing that gets you in trouble.
You ain't got any right writing those Iies about me in the newspaper.
l'm running for a big election here.
People read that stuff, they get jumpy.
l'm going to win, anyway.
Get him out of there.
Baker, l run this town.
lf you forget that remember Stan King.
[Tense instrumental music.]
-What's keeping them? -They'll be here, l promise.
l told them everything and they want to help.
They just have a weird schedule.
Sorry, folks, l'm gonna have to ask you to drink up.
We're closing.
Excuse me.
Hannibal, you must be slipping.
l could tell it was you a mile away.
AMY: The nose is awful, but the hair, where did you get it? Mail order? You got a problem, miss? l mean, really, the thing looks like it's ready to start purring.
ERNlE: Lady.
AMY: l'm sorry.
[Knocking on door.]
ERNlE: All closed up.
You just got new hours, sucker! Now get out of the way.
-Would anyone like some coffee? -That would be nice.
-How would you like it? -ln a cup, fool.
Why would a guy wear a wig like that? Looks like a dead plant.
You're late.
Where is Hannibal? Hannibal had to do some close-ups on the GiIa Monster Who Ate France.
Big-budget film.
Mr.
Baker's waiting.
-Mr.
Baker? Sorry we're late.
-lt's all right.
Looks like Sheriff Dawson got a little tired of you pushing him around.
You'd think a guy that's sheriff for 20 years would be more subtle.
He doesn't have to be.
He just flashes his badge and throws his weight around.
Anybody doesn't like it, they wind up in jail on some trumped-up charge -or they get beat on.
-Why not vote him out? lf anyone sounds like they're gonna run for candidate he buys them out or shuts them up some way.
The last was Stan King.
He wound up in a ditch outside of town the day after he announced he was running.
Sounds like this guy Dawson needs to be taught a good lesson.
BAKER: Don't underestimate him.
He's smart.
Never leaves anything laying around for you to pin on him later.
Otherwise, l'd have taken this to the attorney general.
lf we're gonna draw this guy out, we need to know his weak spots.
-What else does he have going? -Plenty.
-Guns, money, whiskey, you name it.
-Money? Like what? Like a little casino he allows to prosper a few miles outside of town.
lt's at a place called Danny's Satellite Lounge.
He takes a piece of the action and nobody bothers him.
-And what about the whiskey? -Side business.
Smuggles the stuff.
Nobody pays any tax, he's got a built-in market.
The next shipment's coming in three days, running right up Highway 49.
And you can be sure there aren't gonna be any cops there unless they're thirsty.
Thanks.
So what can we possibly come up with to drill a guy like Dawson? We could start by running our own candidate for sheriff.
l think Hannibal would love a plan like that.
l don't know.
That's like asking for trouble.
Running somebody against Dawson like that.
He's a killer.
You're right.
That's a problem.
Where are we gonna find anyone dumb enough to go to that town and be a candidate for sheriff? l mean, nobody's that stupid.
HANNlBAL: Not a bad picture for a campaign poster.
HANNlBAL: What have we got to work with? AMY: We have got the perfect cover.
His name is Joe Morgan.
l checked with county records.
He left town about 20 years ago to join the army.
And he hasn't been back since.
This guy got a battlefield commission in Nam.
Sometimes l think you're crazier than Murdock.
How are you gonna pass Face off as a war hero -in this guy's hometown? -B.
A.
, you got to have faith.
lt's been 20 years.
People change, people forget.
When you write this up, you got to Iay it on pretty thick about the returning hero.
And wire to Baker as soon as you can.
When we get to town, everybody's got to know who Joe Morgan is.
B.
A.
, you might as well start it up now.
This'll go like clockwork.
You know, when Face turns on the charm, he can do anything.
Let's get out of here.
[Murdock speaking Spanish.]
[Fast-paced instrumental music.]
These sudden departures are starting to drive me crazy.
-Shut up, Murdock.
You're already crazy.
-Oh, yeah? At least there's somebody glad to see me.
And l still have my harmonica.
Hannibal, he's starting it again.
He's trying to make me mad.
He ain't got no harmonica there.
There's nothing but hot air.
Better put it away.
B.
A.
doesn't like music while he's driving.
Now listen up.
We got a lot of stuff to do before we put Amy and Face on the plane tomorrow.
Me? l thought l was going up with you guys in the van.
How do you think Joe Morgan's homecoming would look without his new bride? Amy, you got married.
That's wonderful.
Now wait a minute, Hannibal.
Nobody said anything about a wife.
l don't know, Face, l think l'd make a pretty good First Lady.
l'm poised.
l'm ambitious.
-Face, try and look sharp.
-l always look sharp.
We'll be there with TV cameras to make a big deal of the whole thing.
The Sheriff will give you the key to the city.
There'll be a crowd waving little flags and cheering you.
Sounds like l'll be riding into a range war looking like a greeting card.
A lot of elections have been won and lost on the first impressions.
WiIIiam McKinIey took a Iosing campaign turned it into victory by whistle-stopping across the country.
Worked great for him, too.
He was assassinated.
Hannibal, one question here.
What happens if l win this election? You know, I can't be a sheriff.
Considering there's a price on my head if l take a gig as a public servant that's not exactly what l'd consider a job with a future.
Picky, picky.
This Sheriff will never let it go that far if l read him right.
He'll have you killed off before anybody gets to the polls.
And that's where we come in for real.
-We'll get the whole thing on videotape.
-The whole thing? -l'm touched.
-The attempt.
l mean, don't worry.
You'll be fine.
We'll be right there to pull his plug.
As long as everything goes according to plan.
Sounds like money in the bank to me.
[Rhythmic instrumental music.]
HANNlBAL: Okay, put the camera down right here.
DAWSON: Excuse me a minute.
HANNlBAL: Not now, pal.
lf you want an autograph, l'll talk to you later.
Put the camera over the chalk mark, will you? Camera stays.
l'm Jake Dawson, sheriff of this county.
HANNlBAL: You're the guy that's gonna give the key to the city.
Yeah.
We'll make that presentation over by the steps.
The deputy's gonna make a presentation at the bottom of the steps-- DAWSON: l'm the Sheriff! Right.
What's your name again? l'll get you to sign the release paper later.
Stand right over here.
HANNlBAL: Just step right on over here.
That's it.
HANNlBAL: Now.
Hold the flag up, hold the key up.
That's fine.
Now get ready.
Good.
ls he gonna wear that hat? l mean, l got no lights.
Okay.
HANNlBAL: Excuse me, l got to get a little light in your eyes there.
That's fine.
Yeah.
That's great! Now.
Nice talking to you.
All right.
Roll them.
Now give us a big smile.
That's great.
-l'm in love with it.
-Okay.
HANNlBAL: Thank you very much, Sheriff.
You just stand right over here.
[Band playing up-tempo song.]
Got that one? Little girl with flowers.
Come on, darling.
That's it.
Thanks, sweetheart.
Well, Joe, how come you didn't wear your Silver Star? Silver Star? HANNlBAL: Sure.
The one you were awarded in Vietnam.
Mr.
Kyle, could we not do this? l told you when l left the Pentagon, l didn't want any publicity.
My wife and l would just like to go home quietly.
Yes, but the Sheriff is here to present you with the key to the city.
HANNlBAL: You ready, Brad? Whenever you are, B.
C.
l mean, C.
B.
HANNlBAL: Try and keep it fresh now.
HANNlBAL: Give us a big smile.
Step right in here, Sheriff.
That's it.
Keep that key up.
-Okay.
You ready, Brad? -Ready.
Camera's ready.
HANNlBAL: Okay, roll.
All right.
Yeah! [Crowd cheering.]
The fact that Joe Morgan has chosen to settle here is a great testament to the way of life l've tried to maintain for the citizens of Parkland.
So on behaIf of myseIf and the whoIe town l'd like to present you with the key to the city.
Yeah! Joe! Please, please.
That's very nice, Sheriff, and l appreciate it and all that, but l'm sorry.
l just can't accept this.
You weren't here to offer me the key to the city when l went away to war and l think it'd be a little dishonest to accept it now that l'm back.
Thanks, anyway.
Come on, honey, let's catch a cab.
[Crowd cheering.]
Zoom in on the Sheriff, Murdock.
lt doesn't bother you none this guy comes to town with his pretty wife and we roll up with this key so he can turn it down, make me look like a jerk? Maybe he's an opinionated fella.
l've been around too long not to know when l'm being blindsided.
He couldn't have planned it better.
He wants something.
Rance l want you to find out if there's anything stinking up his files.
l mean anything.
Nobody gets away with treating me like dirt.
Nobody.
[Tense instrumental music.]
That man seems upset.
Back at the VA, he'd be first in line for the ice cube room.
That man's too unstable for politics and believe me, l know whereof l speak, Jack.
When Face turned down that key to the city it sure got his motor running.
When he sees our little campaign get going that Sheriff's gonna be out of wind just trying to get out of his own way.
[Patriotic music playing on speaker.]
Don't you just love it, B.
A.
? The excitement of the electoral process.
The sense of history.
The quest for the truth.
The amp with a million watts per channel just pumping the old red, white and blue.
l hate brass bands.
Friends, Romans, and country persons Iisten up out there, dudes and dudettes-- l should've left you back there at that state hospital with the rest of those mixed nuts.
Come on down to Veteran's Park today and meet Joe Morgan.
WhiIe you're there, pick up your free pen, compIiments of Joe Morgan.
Then use that free pen to write in Joe Morgan's name on eIection day.
And then seII that pretty pen, seII that IittIe critter for big money and cruise to scenic AIaska, home of the famous husky.
You know, when l was in high school l ran for president of the student council.
But l lost on a technicality, though.
They weren't having an election at the time.
Remember, Joe Morgan's the guy that you can't buy.
Sheriff Dawson, who's sIy, can aIways try but it won't fIy! That's it.
l've heard enough.
Hey, give me back that mike, B.
A.
! Meany! [Rhythmic instrumental music.]
Here you go, brother, vote for Joe Morgan, the new sheriff.
Here you go, my man, vote for Joe Morgan.
He's running for sheriff.
Joe Morgan for sheriff.
All right.
Joe Morgan for sheriff, ma'am.
[Upbeat instrumental music.]
DAWSON: Posters! DAWSON: This guy's way too organised for somebody that just came to town.
Well, go on, continue.
He was born at Parkland General Hospital.
Graduated from Parkland High and he turned down a scholarship at State U so he could join the army.
Battlefield commission, Silver Star, discharged in '69.
Both his mother and father died about 10 years ago and they're buried in Parkland Cemetery.
DAWSON: Give me the rest.
Well, that's it.
There isn't any more.
What happened to him after he got out of the army? The discharge is the last thing in his file.
l ran a check through the VA and the FBl and they both came up zero.
He never even filed a federal tax return.
This guy's the invisible man.
Then how come l keep seeing him everywhere? His name's plastered all over town for the past three days.
Every time you turn around he's shaking hands with someone and every one of them's a vote.
This dirtbag's gunning for me.
And you can't even prove he existed from the time he left the army until yesterday.
You find out what Morgan's game is, and l don't care how.
Now get out of here.
l sure wish l knew what little trick you are gonna try next.
[Fast-paced pop song playing.]
Hey, everybody, listen up.
This man's got something to say.
Hi there.
l'm Joe Morgan.
Dawson, you better get your tail over here.
America's conscience just showed up.
Now you boys may not know me but l'm running for sheriff.
That's right.
And, well, l just wanted y'all to know that what you're doing here is illegal.
You ain't getting any votes here, Jack, so why don't you shove off? FACE: The name's Joe.
I think, in the Iong run, you're going to thank me.
That's right.
Hold on a minute.
Hold on.
Now, running a casino is one thing.
But when that casino's rigged so nobody wins what then? You boys have been suckered by the oldest trick in the hat.
Now l'm not saying that Sheriff Dawson knew anything about this.
But he sure should have.
We've been cheated! That's right.
What are we gonna do about it? DANNY: You ain't gonna do a thing.
[Suspenseful instrumental music.]
HANNlBAL: Excuse me, gentlemen.
[Adventurous instrumental music.]
Ball four, take your base.
B.
A.
, give me that axe handle.
Mr.
Morgan, could we have one more just for the paper? Yeah, sure.
The old take two? BAKER: That's it.
Hold it.
lt's great to see a natural at work.
Nice to see you, Sheriff.
Dawson, what am l paying you protection money for if this kind of thing happens? This place is completely trashed.
Put a towel on it, Danny.
l can promise you one thing.
Our hero, Mr.
Morgan has done his last bit of damage in this town.
DECKER: What is it, Captain? l'm real busy.
l got something happening on the A-Team, sir.
-Where? -Parkland, New Mexico.
Picture in a local daily shows a man who looks just like Templeton Peck.
He'd never let his picture be taken.
Who's he claiming to be? Name under the photo says Joe Morgan.
And here's the twist.
Morgan is running for sheriff.
Sheriff.
Stupid.
Real stupid.
l've got a car waiting right now to take us to the airport, Colonel.
Get an advance group ready to meet us in New Mexico -so we can squadron right to Parkland.
-lt's done, sir.
DAWSON: Rance.
Wait till you read this.
I knew there was something about this guy that didn't beIong in church.
Get the squad car.
We'll drive over back of his hotel.
You want some backup? We're not gonna need any backup.
All we're going to need is a shotgun.
l want that director fella who's working for Morgan, alive.
He's got me looking like half a tank in that movie he's making.
-l want that film back before we finish him.
-And if he won't play ball? Just get him down in the squad car.
He will play ball.
[Suspenseful instrumental music.]
Make it quick, and don't call attention to yourself.
RANCE: So long, Joe Morgan.
Hi, Sheriff.
l would have called, but l didn't have your number.
Drive.
Now! [Tense instrumental music.]
HANNlBAL: l saw your dumb brother going in there.
HANNlBAL: You wouldn't know what's happening, would you? No.
You planning on using that? No.
Killing's your game, Dawson.
Tell me how do you live with yourself, leaving good people in ditches? l don't know about anybody in ditches.
Something's eating on your brain, mister.
Yeah? How about we check yours out? A little memory quiz? Stan King.
Jim Baker.
Ring any bells? HANNlBAL: l'd think you were feeling guilty, but l know better.
-Where am l supposed to be going? -With any luck, prison.
Turn right here and go down the block.
What do you want, mister? l mean, what do you really want? l want you out of town permanently.
Leave it to Morgan.
Let's talk about him.
Now l may just be a county sheriff, but l ran a make on Morgan.
And guess what? -Now you look scared.
-Yeah? All it means is l have to work fast.
And l always work fast.
HANNlBAL: Okay, this is it, Sheriff.
Get out.
Hey, guys, l brought some burgers.
l got some chow, and a big hamburger.
Very funny.
You boys are in real trouble.
l don't think you count so good.
No, it's the Sheriff that's been making trouble.
He ran a make on our friend Joe Morgan, and then he put Joe's picture on the wire -to everybody he could think of.
-lt wasn't even my good side.
HANNlBAL: We're gonna have to tell Col.
Decker who's under the misguided impression that we're the bad guys all about your dirty little operations.
So he'II arrest you.
When he hears about dirty operations -he goes animal, baby.
Animal.
-lt won't wash.
That teletype said that you were a military prisoner.
And l'm the Sheriff.
Besides -you don't have any real proof.
-Don't worry.
We will.
HANNlBAL: Like that truck going up Route 49, full of bootleg whiskey? HANNlBAL: That's where you're gonna help us.
Just out of curiosity, what time is that gonna take place? What time exactly? [Suspenseful instrumental music.]
That's it.
We're getting closer, B.
A.
DAWSON: You're boxed in, boys.
Then we'll take the lid off.
Step on it, B.
A.
Come on, let's make them eat their own taillights.
HANNlBAL: Let's go, B.
A.
Let's get around this guy.
B.
A.
: l can't.
This guy's keeping us boxed in.
-They're still coming.
-They sure are.
RANCE: All right, you stay right where you are! Far away from the Sheriff.
RANCE: Come on, let's get those reinforcements going.
FACE: Empty, Hannibal.
B.
A.
: Me, too.
Okay, guys.
HANNlBAL: l got to give you credit, Dawson.
HANNlBAL: lt was a real nice setup.
DAWSON: Joke all you want.
l got you for kidnapping, stealing a squad car, hijacking a truck.
-Serious offences, very serious.
-Yeah? Well, murder scores pretty high.
l mean, if you want to compare notes.
l don't appreciate that kind of accusation.
Tell us what kind you'd like.
Maybe we can come up with something.
Don't just stand there, pick up their guns.
Your buddy, the Colonel, is gonna be a happy man.
As a matter of fact, l think l'm gonna make it easy for him.
-Yeah? What about the election? -There isn't gonna be one.
'Cause there won't be any candidate around any living candidate to oppose me.
Let's get this over with.
[Slow instrumental music.]
RANCE: You're about the last person l expected to come waltzing in here.
AMY: What've you done with my friends? They've been missing all day.
RANCE: They're with the Sheriff.
You just saved me a lot of bother coming to round you up myself.
-l appreciate it.
-Not half as much as l do.
Don't move.
Well.
You never know who you'll be glad to see, do you? Do you know the kind of trouble you can buy just charging into a sheriff's office and messing up-- Save it! Put that gun away, Deputy.
RANCE: What do you fellas want? A group of escaped military prisoners.
Call themselves the A-Team.
You think they're here? Come on, Colonel, you can't be serious.
You're getting paranoid, do you know that? We know they're here.
And we know you're involved with them.
So don't play games with me, lady.
Colonel, you want to make a really big bust let me clue you in on it.
l came to this town to write about the election they're having for sheriff and l discovered the incumbent is running a dirty campaign.
AMY: Why don't you check that out? DECKER: That's not why l'm here.
You tell me where those people are, l wanna know now.
-Dawson's got them.
-Where? RANCE: ln a truck repair garage not far from Danny's Satellite Lounge.
Just a few miles from here.
We've got them inside.
We caught them when they tried to puII a truck hijacking out in the highway.
-And they're all being held there? -Yeah.
Good.
You're gonna take us out there.
l'm going out to that truck garage, Miss Allen.
And l'm taking you along.
Terrific.
Shall we? Are you guys for real? You think you're gonna get away with this? Free and clear, hero.
You forget l'm still sheriff of this county.
l don't know.
Like they say: ''The opera isn't over till the fat lady sings.
'' Or the peopIe vote.
Bring them to the office.
Boys, enjoy the decor.
'Cause as soon as Rance gets back here with Mrs.
Morgan you are gonna get a whole new understanding of the will of the people.
lf l'd known you were gonna bring us someplace nice like this -l would've dressed for the occasion.
-Very funny.
Let's go over to Danny's and get a beer.
DAWSON: Donald, you stand guard.
-Face, watch the door.
-Right.
All right, he's six feet away.
Give me a hand and move that desk over here.
Hold it! Here he comes.
What time's lunch? All right.
Yeah, right there.
lf you look at things the right way, anything can be on your side.
ln this case, we look up.
Murdock, there's a little crawl space up there, see if you can get in it.
[ln foreign accent.]
l will endeavour to render myself as tiny as possible.
That'll be easy, fool.
-Just think about your brain.
-l need a chair.
MURDOCK: l'm heading up.
[Singing.]
CeiIings, nothing more than ceiIings I'm heading into ceiIings Above the fIoor Shut up, fool, or l'll come up there after you.
MURDOCK: Boy, it's dark up here.
Your problem is your vents.
lt's gonna run you heavy change, buddy.
But don't take it personally.
You have your good days, you have your bad days.
Just like the President.
Face, give Murdock a hand and pull that deputy into the office.
What are we gonna do, Hannibal? That deputy's coming here with Amy.
Well, B.
A.
lt's amazing what a few motivated men can do in a very short time with a few simple tools and a lot of ingenuity.
[Upbeat instrumental music.]
There it is.
OFFlCER: Come on, Sheriff.
Rance radioed and said the MPs are on their way.
Hello.
Will you let me handle this? Any objections? Fine.
There's going to be five crisp $100 bills for each of you.
All right? Let's go.
[Suspenseful instrumental music.]
[Hissing.]
DAWSON: Get him! [Adventurous instrumental music.]
Attention.
HANNlBAL: You lose the election, Sheriff.
And you don't get a recount.
Hey guys, let's lock them in the truck.
Let's move! [Triumphant instrumental music.]
FACE: Breaks your heart, right? HANNlBAL: A million pieces.
[Police sirens wailing.]
MURDOCK: More of them? lt's not that big a town.
Hannibal, you think maybe.
HANNlBAL: Yeah, l do.
B.
A.
: Decker? HANNlBAL: Yeah.
But he won't know we got the upper hand.
HANNlBAL: Which means we do.
Let's go.
HANNlBAL: Stay out of sight.
Looks like some bad trouble.
Your A-Team may not even be alive for me to take away.
[Truck engine rumbling.]
[Truck horn honking.]
HANNlBAL: Simple military strategy, Colonel.
HANNlBAL: lt's a pincer movement.
HANNlBAL: lt beat the Romans and it beat you.
Put your hands on top of your heads.
You got them, Face? ls that Miss Allen with you? l thought she had dark hair.
Why don't you quit playing games, Smith? He doesn't play games, Colonel.
He just wins them.
HANNlBAL: l'm sorry, Miss Allen, but due to security problems we're gonna have to incarcerate you with Col.
Decker and his drones.
l wish we could find more amusing company.
Well, maybe you ought to give her some kind of quote, Hannibal.
you know, something personal.
Miss Allen, you may tell your readers that the A-Team having locked the crooked deputies and sheriff in a truck held off the MPs under the command of the rabid Col.
Decker and departed.
Col.
Smith was heard to observe: ''The A-Team is proud to help diminish the rampant violence ''so prevalent in society today.
'' [Slow instrumental music.]
Face, l'd say you ran a fast and effective campaign.
l'm just glad to be a single woman again.
You're a good politician, Face, but a crummy husband.
Listen, l don't want to toot my own horn or anything but how much did l actually win by? How much did l beat him by? Murdock you've got the paper, what's it say? Come on, now.
What are you guys trying to hide here? l mean, it's not like l lost.
l lost? Oh, come on -l couldn't have lost.
-Sheriff Dawson, 465.
Joe Morgan, 460.
MURDOCK: But since Dawson was arrested and you were the only other one to run -they decided to give it to you anyway.
-l don't believe it.
Those were my supporters back there.
My people.
Politics.
l tell you, this election business, it's really got me thinking.
Nothing gets you thinking, fool, except somebody else talking for you.
No, B.
A.
l'm serious.
l really could get into this running for office.
l'm talking about the big round one, you know? Murdock for Prez.
MURDOCK: Sounds pretty catchy, if you ask me.
l've already got a campaign promise.
Two vanilla Snookies on every plate and two crates of vanilla Snookies in every garage.
And l'd.
l'd go on radio every week just like the old FDR only, l'd play the harmonica.
Somebody hold me down.
He's fixing to play his fingers and l'm gonna snap them off.
One big happy family.
[Light music playing on harmonica.]
These men promptIy escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los AngeIes underground.
Today, stiII wanted by the government, they survive as soIdiers of fortune.
If you have a probIem, if no one eIse can heIp and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.
[Theme music.]
OLLlE: Come on, Sheriff, that was a scratch, plain as day.
Hold your water, Ollie.
l was just practicing.
There ain't nothing in the rules about practise shots.
My rules are different than yours, Ollie.
Ain't that right, boys? Nine ball, corner pocket.
We got him out back in the squad car.
Hiya, Jimmy.
How's the newspaper business? Why don't you step out so we can have a IittIe taIk? ls that what you said to Stan King before you rolled his car in a ditch? See, that's the kind of thing that gets you in trouble.
You ain't got any right writing those Iies about me in the newspaper.
l'm running for a big election here.
People read that stuff, they get jumpy.
l'm going to win, anyway.
Get him out of there.
Baker, l run this town.
lf you forget that remember Stan King.
[Tense instrumental music.]
-What's keeping them? -They'll be here, l promise.
l told them everything and they want to help.
They just have a weird schedule.
Sorry, folks, l'm gonna have to ask you to drink up.
We're closing.
Excuse me.
Hannibal, you must be slipping.
l could tell it was you a mile away.
AMY: The nose is awful, but the hair, where did you get it? Mail order? You got a problem, miss? l mean, really, the thing looks like it's ready to start purring.
ERNlE: Lady.
AMY: l'm sorry.
[Knocking on door.]
ERNlE: All closed up.
You just got new hours, sucker! Now get out of the way.
-Would anyone like some coffee? -That would be nice.
-How would you like it? -ln a cup, fool.
Why would a guy wear a wig like that? Looks like a dead plant.
You're late.
Where is Hannibal? Hannibal had to do some close-ups on the GiIa Monster Who Ate France.
Big-budget film.
Mr.
Baker's waiting.
-Mr.
Baker? Sorry we're late.
-lt's all right.
Looks like Sheriff Dawson got a little tired of you pushing him around.
You'd think a guy that's sheriff for 20 years would be more subtle.
He doesn't have to be.
He just flashes his badge and throws his weight around.
Anybody doesn't like it, they wind up in jail on some trumped-up charge -or they get beat on.
-Why not vote him out? lf anyone sounds like they're gonna run for candidate he buys them out or shuts them up some way.
The last was Stan King.
He wound up in a ditch outside of town the day after he announced he was running.
Sounds like this guy Dawson needs to be taught a good lesson.
BAKER: Don't underestimate him.
He's smart.
Never leaves anything laying around for you to pin on him later.
Otherwise, l'd have taken this to the attorney general.
lf we're gonna draw this guy out, we need to know his weak spots.
-What else does he have going? -Plenty.
-Guns, money, whiskey, you name it.
-Money? Like what? Like a little casino he allows to prosper a few miles outside of town.
lt's at a place called Danny's Satellite Lounge.
He takes a piece of the action and nobody bothers him.
-And what about the whiskey? -Side business.
Smuggles the stuff.
Nobody pays any tax, he's got a built-in market.
The next shipment's coming in three days, running right up Highway 49.
And you can be sure there aren't gonna be any cops there unless they're thirsty.
Thanks.
So what can we possibly come up with to drill a guy like Dawson? We could start by running our own candidate for sheriff.
l think Hannibal would love a plan like that.
l don't know.
That's like asking for trouble.
Running somebody against Dawson like that.
He's a killer.
You're right.
That's a problem.
Where are we gonna find anyone dumb enough to go to that town and be a candidate for sheriff? l mean, nobody's that stupid.
HANNlBAL: Not a bad picture for a campaign poster.
HANNlBAL: What have we got to work with? AMY: We have got the perfect cover.
His name is Joe Morgan.
l checked with county records.
He left town about 20 years ago to join the army.
And he hasn't been back since.
This guy got a battlefield commission in Nam.
Sometimes l think you're crazier than Murdock.
How are you gonna pass Face off as a war hero -in this guy's hometown? -B.
A.
, you got to have faith.
lt's been 20 years.
People change, people forget.
When you write this up, you got to Iay it on pretty thick about the returning hero.
And wire to Baker as soon as you can.
When we get to town, everybody's got to know who Joe Morgan is.
B.
A.
, you might as well start it up now.
This'll go like clockwork.
You know, when Face turns on the charm, he can do anything.
Let's get out of here.
[Murdock speaking Spanish.]
[Fast-paced instrumental music.]
These sudden departures are starting to drive me crazy.
-Shut up, Murdock.
You're already crazy.
-Oh, yeah? At least there's somebody glad to see me.
And l still have my harmonica.
Hannibal, he's starting it again.
He's trying to make me mad.
He ain't got no harmonica there.
There's nothing but hot air.
Better put it away.
B.
A.
doesn't like music while he's driving.
Now listen up.
We got a lot of stuff to do before we put Amy and Face on the plane tomorrow.
Me? l thought l was going up with you guys in the van.
How do you think Joe Morgan's homecoming would look without his new bride? Amy, you got married.
That's wonderful.
Now wait a minute, Hannibal.
Nobody said anything about a wife.
l don't know, Face, l think l'd make a pretty good First Lady.
l'm poised.
l'm ambitious.
-Face, try and look sharp.
-l always look sharp.
We'll be there with TV cameras to make a big deal of the whole thing.
The Sheriff will give you the key to the city.
There'll be a crowd waving little flags and cheering you.
Sounds like l'll be riding into a range war looking like a greeting card.
A lot of elections have been won and lost on the first impressions.
WiIIiam McKinIey took a Iosing campaign turned it into victory by whistle-stopping across the country.
Worked great for him, too.
He was assassinated.
Hannibal, one question here.
What happens if l win this election? You know, I can't be a sheriff.
Considering there's a price on my head if l take a gig as a public servant that's not exactly what l'd consider a job with a future.
Picky, picky.
This Sheriff will never let it go that far if l read him right.
He'll have you killed off before anybody gets to the polls.
And that's where we come in for real.
-We'll get the whole thing on videotape.
-The whole thing? -l'm touched.
-The attempt.
l mean, don't worry.
You'll be fine.
We'll be right there to pull his plug.
As long as everything goes according to plan.
Sounds like money in the bank to me.
[Rhythmic instrumental music.]
HANNlBAL: Okay, put the camera down right here.
DAWSON: Excuse me a minute.
HANNlBAL: Not now, pal.
lf you want an autograph, l'll talk to you later.
Put the camera over the chalk mark, will you? Camera stays.
l'm Jake Dawson, sheriff of this county.
HANNlBAL: You're the guy that's gonna give the key to the city.
Yeah.
We'll make that presentation over by the steps.
The deputy's gonna make a presentation at the bottom of the steps-- DAWSON: l'm the Sheriff! Right.
What's your name again? l'll get you to sign the release paper later.
Stand right over here.
HANNlBAL: Just step right on over here.
That's it.
HANNlBAL: Now.
Hold the flag up, hold the key up.
That's fine.
Now get ready.
Good.
ls he gonna wear that hat? l mean, l got no lights.
Okay.
HANNlBAL: Excuse me, l got to get a little light in your eyes there.
That's fine.
Yeah.
That's great! Now.
Nice talking to you.
All right.
Roll them.
Now give us a big smile.
That's great.
-l'm in love with it.
-Okay.
HANNlBAL: Thank you very much, Sheriff.
You just stand right over here.
[Band playing up-tempo song.]
Got that one? Little girl with flowers.
Come on, darling.
That's it.
Thanks, sweetheart.
Well, Joe, how come you didn't wear your Silver Star? Silver Star? HANNlBAL: Sure.
The one you were awarded in Vietnam.
Mr.
Kyle, could we not do this? l told you when l left the Pentagon, l didn't want any publicity.
My wife and l would just like to go home quietly.
Yes, but the Sheriff is here to present you with the key to the city.
HANNlBAL: You ready, Brad? Whenever you are, B.
C.
l mean, C.
B.
HANNlBAL: Try and keep it fresh now.
HANNlBAL: Give us a big smile.
Step right in here, Sheriff.
That's it.
Keep that key up.
-Okay.
You ready, Brad? -Ready.
Camera's ready.
HANNlBAL: Okay, roll.
All right.
Yeah! [Crowd cheering.]
The fact that Joe Morgan has chosen to settle here is a great testament to the way of life l've tried to maintain for the citizens of Parkland.
So on behaIf of myseIf and the whoIe town l'd like to present you with the key to the city.
Yeah! Joe! Please, please.
That's very nice, Sheriff, and l appreciate it and all that, but l'm sorry.
l just can't accept this.
You weren't here to offer me the key to the city when l went away to war and l think it'd be a little dishonest to accept it now that l'm back.
Thanks, anyway.
Come on, honey, let's catch a cab.
[Crowd cheering.]
Zoom in on the Sheriff, Murdock.
lt doesn't bother you none this guy comes to town with his pretty wife and we roll up with this key so he can turn it down, make me look like a jerk? Maybe he's an opinionated fella.
l've been around too long not to know when l'm being blindsided.
He couldn't have planned it better.
He wants something.
Rance l want you to find out if there's anything stinking up his files.
l mean anything.
Nobody gets away with treating me like dirt.
Nobody.
[Tense instrumental music.]
That man seems upset.
Back at the VA, he'd be first in line for the ice cube room.
That man's too unstable for politics and believe me, l know whereof l speak, Jack.
When Face turned down that key to the city it sure got his motor running.
When he sees our little campaign get going that Sheriff's gonna be out of wind just trying to get out of his own way.
[Patriotic music playing on speaker.]
Don't you just love it, B.
A.
? The excitement of the electoral process.
The sense of history.
The quest for the truth.
The amp with a million watts per channel just pumping the old red, white and blue.
l hate brass bands.
Friends, Romans, and country persons Iisten up out there, dudes and dudettes-- l should've left you back there at that state hospital with the rest of those mixed nuts.
Come on down to Veteran's Park today and meet Joe Morgan.
WhiIe you're there, pick up your free pen, compIiments of Joe Morgan.
Then use that free pen to write in Joe Morgan's name on eIection day.
And then seII that pretty pen, seII that IittIe critter for big money and cruise to scenic AIaska, home of the famous husky.
You know, when l was in high school l ran for president of the student council.
But l lost on a technicality, though.
They weren't having an election at the time.
Remember, Joe Morgan's the guy that you can't buy.
Sheriff Dawson, who's sIy, can aIways try but it won't fIy! That's it.
l've heard enough.
Hey, give me back that mike, B.
A.
! Meany! [Rhythmic instrumental music.]
Here you go, brother, vote for Joe Morgan, the new sheriff.
Here you go, my man, vote for Joe Morgan.
He's running for sheriff.
Joe Morgan for sheriff.
All right.
Joe Morgan for sheriff, ma'am.
[Upbeat instrumental music.]
DAWSON: Posters! DAWSON: This guy's way too organised for somebody that just came to town.
Well, go on, continue.
He was born at Parkland General Hospital.
Graduated from Parkland High and he turned down a scholarship at State U so he could join the army.
Battlefield commission, Silver Star, discharged in '69.
Both his mother and father died about 10 years ago and they're buried in Parkland Cemetery.
DAWSON: Give me the rest.
Well, that's it.
There isn't any more.
What happened to him after he got out of the army? The discharge is the last thing in his file.
l ran a check through the VA and the FBl and they both came up zero.
He never even filed a federal tax return.
This guy's the invisible man.
Then how come l keep seeing him everywhere? His name's plastered all over town for the past three days.
Every time you turn around he's shaking hands with someone and every one of them's a vote.
This dirtbag's gunning for me.
And you can't even prove he existed from the time he left the army until yesterday.
You find out what Morgan's game is, and l don't care how.
Now get out of here.
l sure wish l knew what little trick you are gonna try next.
[Fast-paced pop song playing.]
Hey, everybody, listen up.
This man's got something to say.
Hi there.
l'm Joe Morgan.
Dawson, you better get your tail over here.
America's conscience just showed up.
Now you boys may not know me but l'm running for sheriff.
That's right.
And, well, l just wanted y'all to know that what you're doing here is illegal.
You ain't getting any votes here, Jack, so why don't you shove off? FACE: The name's Joe.
I think, in the Iong run, you're going to thank me.
That's right.
Hold on a minute.
Hold on.
Now, running a casino is one thing.
But when that casino's rigged so nobody wins what then? You boys have been suckered by the oldest trick in the hat.
Now l'm not saying that Sheriff Dawson knew anything about this.
But he sure should have.
We've been cheated! That's right.
What are we gonna do about it? DANNY: You ain't gonna do a thing.
[Suspenseful instrumental music.]
HANNlBAL: Excuse me, gentlemen.
[Adventurous instrumental music.]
Ball four, take your base.
B.
A.
, give me that axe handle.
Mr.
Morgan, could we have one more just for the paper? Yeah, sure.
The old take two? BAKER: That's it.
Hold it.
lt's great to see a natural at work.
Nice to see you, Sheriff.
Dawson, what am l paying you protection money for if this kind of thing happens? This place is completely trashed.
Put a towel on it, Danny.
l can promise you one thing.
Our hero, Mr.
Morgan has done his last bit of damage in this town.
DECKER: What is it, Captain? l'm real busy.
l got something happening on the A-Team, sir.
-Where? -Parkland, New Mexico.
Picture in a local daily shows a man who looks just like Templeton Peck.
He'd never let his picture be taken.
Who's he claiming to be? Name under the photo says Joe Morgan.
And here's the twist.
Morgan is running for sheriff.
Sheriff.
Stupid.
Real stupid.
l've got a car waiting right now to take us to the airport, Colonel.
Get an advance group ready to meet us in New Mexico -so we can squadron right to Parkland.
-lt's done, sir.
DAWSON: Rance.
Wait till you read this.
I knew there was something about this guy that didn't beIong in church.
Get the squad car.
We'll drive over back of his hotel.
You want some backup? We're not gonna need any backup.
All we're going to need is a shotgun.
l want that director fella who's working for Morgan, alive.
He's got me looking like half a tank in that movie he's making.
-l want that film back before we finish him.
-And if he won't play ball? Just get him down in the squad car.
He will play ball.
[Suspenseful instrumental music.]
Make it quick, and don't call attention to yourself.
RANCE: So long, Joe Morgan.
Hi, Sheriff.
l would have called, but l didn't have your number.
Drive.
Now! [Tense instrumental music.]
HANNlBAL: l saw your dumb brother going in there.
HANNlBAL: You wouldn't know what's happening, would you? No.
You planning on using that? No.
Killing's your game, Dawson.
Tell me how do you live with yourself, leaving good people in ditches? l don't know about anybody in ditches.
Something's eating on your brain, mister.
Yeah? How about we check yours out? A little memory quiz? Stan King.
Jim Baker.
Ring any bells? HANNlBAL: l'd think you were feeling guilty, but l know better.
-Where am l supposed to be going? -With any luck, prison.
Turn right here and go down the block.
What do you want, mister? l mean, what do you really want? l want you out of town permanently.
Leave it to Morgan.
Let's talk about him.
Now l may just be a county sheriff, but l ran a make on Morgan.
And guess what? -Now you look scared.
-Yeah? All it means is l have to work fast.
And l always work fast.
HANNlBAL: Okay, this is it, Sheriff.
Get out.
Hey, guys, l brought some burgers.
l got some chow, and a big hamburger.
Very funny.
You boys are in real trouble.
l don't think you count so good.
No, it's the Sheriff that's been making trouble.
He ran a make on our friend Joe Morgan, and then he put Joe's picture on the wire -to everybody he could think of.
-lt wasn't even my good side.
HANNlBAL: We're gonna have to tell Col.
Decker who's under the misguided impression that we're the bad guys all about your dirty little operations.
So he'II arrest you.
When he hears about dirty operations -he goes animal, baby.
Animal.
-lt won't wash.
That teletype said that you were a military prisoner.
And l'm the Sheriff.
Besides -you don't have any real proof.
-Don't worry.
We will.
HANNlBAL: Like that truck going up Route 49, full of bootleg whiskey? HANNlBAL: That's where you're gonna help us.
Just out of curiosity, what time is that gonna take place? What time exactly? [Suspenseful instrumental music.]
That's it.
We're getting closer, B.
A.
DAWSON: You're boxed in, boys.
Then we'll take the lid off.
Step on it, B.
A.
Come on, let's make them eat their own taillights.
HANNlBAL: Let's go, B.
A.
Let's get around this guy.
B.
A.
: l can't.
This guy's keeping us boxed in.
-They're still coming.
-They sure are.
RANCE: All right, you stay right where you are! Far away from the Sheriff.
RANCE: Come on, let's get those reinforcements going.
FACE: Empty, Hannibal.
B.
A.
: Me, too.
Okay, guys.
HANNlBAL: l got to give you credit, Dawson.
HANNlBAL: lt was a real nice setup.
DAWSON: Joke all you want.
l got you for kidnapping, stealing a squad car, hijacking a truck.
-Serious offences, very serious.
-Yeah? Well, murder scores pretty high.
l mean, if you want to compare notes.
l don't appreciate that kind of accusation.
Tell us what kind you'd like.
Maybe we can come up with something.
Don't just stand there, pick up their guns.
Your buddy, the Colonel, is gonna be a happy man.
As a matter of fact, l think l'm gonna make it easy for him.
-Yeah? What about the election? -There isn't gonna be one.
'Cause there won't be any candidate around any living candidate to oppose me.
Let's get this over with.
[Slow instrumental music.]
RANCE: You're about the last person l expected to come waltzing in here.
AMY: What've you done with my friends? They've been missing all day.
RANCE: They're with the Sheriff.
You just saved me a lot of bother coming to round you up myself.
-l appreciate it.
-Not half as much as l do.
Don't move.
Well.
You never know who you'll be glad to see, do you? Do you know the kind of trouble you can buy just charging into a sheriff's office and messing up-- Save it! Put that gun away, Deputy.
RANCE: What do you fellas want? A group of escaped military prisoners.
Call themselves the A-Team.
You think they're here? Come on, Colonel, you can't be serious.
You're getting paranoid, do you know that? We know they're here.
And we know you're involved with them.
So don't play games with me, lady.
Colonel, you want to make a really big bust let me clue you in on it.
l came to this town to write about the election they're having for sheriff and l discovered the incumbent is running a dirty campaign.
AMY: Why don't you check that out? DECKER: That's not why l'm here.
You tell me where those people are, l wanna know now.
-Dawson's got them.
-Where? RANCE: ln a truck repair garage not far from Danny's Satellite Lounge.
Just a few miles from here.
We've got them inside.
We caught them when they tried to puII a truck hijacking out in the highway.
-And they're all being held there? -Yeah.
Good.
You're gonna take us out there.
l'm going out to that truck garage, Miss Allen.
And l'm taking you along.
Terrific.
Shall we? Are you guys for real? You think you're gonna get away with this? Free and clear, hero.
You forget l'm still sheriff of this county.
l don't know.
Like they say: ''The opera isn't over till the fat lady sings.
'' Or the peopIe vote.
Bring them to the office.
Boys, enjoy the decor.
'Cause as soon as Rance gets back here with Mrs.
Morgan you are gonna get a whole new understanding of the will of the people.
lf l'd known you were gonna bring us someplace nice like this -l would've dressed for the occasion.
-Very funny.
Let's go over to Danny's and get a beer.
DAWSON: Donald, you stand guard.
-Face, watch the door.
-Right.
All right, he's six feet away.
Give me a hand and move that desk over here.
Hold it! Here he comes.
What time's lunch? All right.
Yeah, right there.
lf you look at things the right way, anything can be on your side.
ln this case, we look up.
Murdock, there's a little crawl space up there, see if you can get in it.
[ln foreign accent.]
l will endeavour to render myself as tiny as possible.
That'll be easy, fool.
-Just think about your brain.
-l need a chair.
MURDOCK: l'm heading up.
[Singing.]
CeiIings, nothing more than ceiIings I'm heading into ceiIings Above the fIoor Shut up, fool, or l'll come up there after you.
MURDOCK: Boy, it's dark up here.
Your problem is your vents.
lt's gonna run you heavy change, buddy.
But don't take it personally.
You have your good days, you have your bad days.
Just like the President.
Face, give Murdock a hand and pull that deputy into the office.
What are we gonna do, Hannibal? That deputy's coming here with Amy.
Well, B.
A.
lt's amazing what a few motivated men can do in a very short time with a few simple tools and a lot of ingenuity.
[Upbeat instrumental music.]
There it is.
OFFlCER: Come on, Sheriff.
Rance radioed and said the MPs are on their way.
Hello.
Will you let me handle this? Any objections? Fine.
There's going to be five crisp $100 bills for each of you.
All right? Let's go.
[Suspenseful instrumental music.]
[Hissing.]
DAWSON: Get him! [Adventurous instrumental music.]
Attention.
HANNlBAL: You lose the election, Sheriff.
And you don't get a recount.
Hey guys, let's lock them in the truck.
Let's move! [Triumphant instrumental music.]
FACE: Breaks your heart, right? HANNlBAL: A million pieces.
[Police sirens wailing.]
MURDOCK: More of them? lt's not that big a town.
Hannibal, you think maybe.
HANNlBAL: Yeah, l do.
B.
A.
: Decker? HANNlBAL: Yeah.
But he won't know we got the upper hand.
HANNlBAL: Which means we do.
Let's go.
HANNlBAL: Stay out of sight.
Looks like some bad trouble.
Your A-Team may not even be alive for me to take away.
[Truck engine rumbling.]
[Truck horn honking.]
HANNlBAL: Simple military strategy, Colonel.
HANNlBAL: lt's a pincer movement.
HANNlBAL: lt beat the Romans and it beat you.
Put your hands on top of your heads.
You got them, Face? ls that Miss Allen with you? l thought she had dark hair.
Why don't you quit playing games, Smith? He doesn't play games, Colonel.
He just wins them.
HANNlBAL: l'm sorry, Miss Allen, but due to security problems we're gonna have to incarcerate you with Col.
Decker and his drones.
l wish we could find more amusing company.
Well, maybe you ought to give her some kind of quote, Hannibal.
you know, something personal.
Miss Allen, you may tell your readers that the A-Team having locked the crooked deputies and sheriff in a truck held off the MPs under the command of the rabid Col.
Decker and departed.
Col.
Smith was heard to observe: ''The A-Team is proud to help diminish the rampant violence ''so prevalent in society today.
'' [Slow instrumental music.]
Face, l'd say you ran a fast and effective campaign.
l'm just glad to be a single woman again.
You're a good politician, Face, but a crummy husband.
Listen, l don't want to toot my own horn or anything but how much did l actually win by? How much did l beat him by? Murdock you've got the paper, what's it say? Come on, now.
What are you guys trying to hide here? l mean, it's not like l lost.
l lost? Oh, come on -l couldn't have lost.
-Sheriff Dawson, 465.
Joe Morgan, 460.
MURDOCK: But since Dawson was arrested and you were the only other one to run -they decided to give it to you anyway.
-l don't believe it.
Those were my supporters back there.
My people.
Politics.
l tell you, this election business, it's really got me thinking.
Nothing gets you thinking, fool, except somebody else talking for you.
No, B.
A.
l'm serious.
l really could get into this running for office.
l'm talking about the big round one, you know? Murdock for Prez.
MURDOCK: Sounds pretty catchy, if you ask me.
l've already got a campaign promise.
Two vanilla Snookies on every plate and two crates of vanilla Snookies in every garage.
And l'd.
l'd go on radio every week just like the old FDR only, l'd play the harmonica.
Somebody hold me down.
He's fixing to play his fingers and l'm gonna snap them off.
One big happy family.
[Light music playing on harmonica.]