The Addams Family (1964) s02e12 Episode Script
Gomez, the Cat Burglar
They're creepy and they're kooky Mysterious and spooky They're altogether ooky The Addams family The house is a museum When people come to see 'em They really are a scream The Addams family Neat.
Sweet.
Petite.
So get a witch's shawl on A broomstick you can crawl on We're gonna pay a call on The Addams family There's nothing like after-dinner music.
It's so soothing, it's making me drowsy.
Darling, I think you had a bit too much dinner.
I've been doing this all day, and it keeps coming out the same.
That's your genius, my dear.
You, too, Mama.
Couldn't resist that stew of yours.
You can't beat a good old-fashioned yak stew.
I shot the yak myself.
I'm afraid I overdid it, though.
I had three helpings.
Five helpings.
Uncle Fester, please.
It isn't easy eating and counting.
I am getting sleepy.
It's time you hit the sack.
Splendid idea.
You rang.
Yes, Lurch, Mr.
Addams wishes to hit the sack.
Thank you, Lurch.
Poor darling.
He was sleepy.
Gomez? Darling, where are you going? Out.
Walk in night.
Uncle Fester, Gomez just went out sleepwalking.
Nice night for it.
Yes, it is.
I'd join him if I were asleep.
I do hope he took his key.
There.
Then he came home at 4:00 this morning with mud all over his shoes.
Well, that's better than lipstick all over his shirt.
Good morning, my dear, Uncle Fester.
Where is everyone this morning? - Morning? - Darling, it's 4:00 in the afternoon.
Well, no wonder I feel so well.
Eighteen hours sleep without waking up once.
Well, what's for lunch? Some more of that yak stew? We really must speak to that newspaper boy.
I distinctly told him I wanted the paper delivered at 3:00.
Hey, see this story? It says that there's a cat burglar in our neighborhood.
Really? Let's see.
Oh, yes.
"Cat burglar strikes.
- "Two homes robbed.
" - Cat burglar, eh? I hope he doesn't try to steal our cat.
Dear Kitty is such a shy little thing.
Don't worry.
This burglar steals only jewelry, furs and money.
Well, he better not try to rob our house.
Why, I'll give him a karate chop, that's what I'll give him.
That's a pretty song.
Morticia, what's the matter with Gomez? Oh, it looks like dear Gomez overdid it again.
Too much of Mama's stew.
Just like his father.
Mr.
Addams loved my yak gravy on glutton bread.
- Mama, isn't that gluten bread? - Not the way he ate it.
Gomez, dear, I think you better get up and take a little stroll around the cave.
- Too late.
- Fester, turn off the music.
Poor Gomez.
I do hope he doesn't walk in his sleep again tonight.
Walk? With the dinner he packed away, he'll be lucky if he can stand up.
I just worry that he might meet that awful cat burglar in a dark alley.
Don't worry, Morticia.
I won't let him out of the house tonight.
I won't let him out of the house tonight.
I'll sit up in front of his door.
You mean stay awake all night? Only if you promise to sleep with ear plugs.
No need the both of us staying awake.
Oh, you are a darling.
Are you sure he won't get out? Not with "never sleep" Fester on guard.
Gonna have a little bedtime snack.
Fester? Fester.
I heard noise.
So, as it turned out, I needn't have worried at all.
When I woke this morning, there was dear Gomez asleep beside me, and his shoes were right where he'd left them.
Except they were covered with mud.
That Mama is a sloppy cleaner.
I thought maybe he'd gone out.
With me standing guard? Never closed an eye.
I think you're right, Lurch.
It doesn't belong there.
Try that space opposite the mantle.
Morticia, what is that? It's my new painting.
I call it Children at Play.
Put it over there.
I'm so glad dear Gomez didn't go out last night.
You know that awful cat burglar was on the prowl again.
- He was? - Yes.
It's in all the newspapers.
They're full of it.
- Full of what, my dear? Sex? - Crime.
Sex and crime, America's favorite breakfast diet.
"Cat burglar strikes again.
Six homes robbed.
" - He's a real ambitious fella.
- Shame! Darling, don't you worry about that cat burglar.
I'm sure the police will track him down.
Speaking of tracks, I had the most fascinating dream last night.
I dreamt I was walking along a dark street, and I stepped into a mud puddle with my new shoes.
- The ones you got for our wedding? - The very ones.
- Now that's what I call a realistic dream.
- You sure you haven't been out? - Impossible.
- Of course.
I must've picked up the mud down in the cave.
Well, no problem.
Thing.
Uncle Fester, I want you to accompany me to the storeroom.
I'd like a word with the man who never sleeps.
- I tell you, I never shut my eyes.
- Did you sleep with them open? No, I was on the alert all Look at all the loot.
Morticia, you don't think Gomez! A cat burglar.
What else? I've heard of guys taking moonlight jobs, but this is ridiculous.
And I don't want to tell dear Gomez.
It'll unsettle him terribly.
Of course.
He's such an honest thief.
We just must make sure he doesn't leave this house.
Hey, I know.
Why don't I sit up all night and guard his door? I No, we tried that, didn't we? - I know what's causing Gomez trouble.
- You do? It's that yak stew of mine.
I just remembered.
His father used to react the same way.
That's why I quit making it.
Oh, dear.
Lurch, there's a big bowl of it left in the refrigerator.
- Get rid of it at once.
- Yes, Mrs.
Addams.
Mama, you'd better get started on another pot of stew.
I just finished this one off.
- Gomez, you didn't.
- I didn't? Then what's this on my necktie? He ate it.
Well, I'm off to the library.
Time to play with my train.
The cat burglar strikes again.
Uncle Fester, Mama, what am I going to do? - Gomez needs help.
- He certainly does need help.
With a load like he brought home last night, he's liable to strain his back.
Morticia, why don't we get him a wheelbarrow? Uncle Fester, please.
We must find out what makes him steal.
We must delve into his subconscious mind.
Find out what it is - That's it.
Psychic control.
- Psychic what? The snake charmer and the snake.
Psychic control.
The snake charmer and the Perfect for Gomez.
Darling, are you sure that thing is in tune? Gomez, dear, please.
It's just a game.
Now listen.
Listen carefully.
Querida, you know I don't like the flute.
Glockenspiel, the sousaphone, yes.
But the flute? Gomez, darling, concentrate.
Yeah, Gomez, concentrate.
It's so beautiful.
So soothing, so Well, that Fester's really a sleepy one.
Uncle Fester! Well, how did you make out? Say, he looks better already.
Fester, dear, we haven't started yet.
Oh, Morticia, I don't think you're playing the right tune for Gomez.
- How about another song? - Another tune? How about this? My favorite song.
So soft, so docile, so Mama! So sorry.
That flute of yours has a strange effect on people.
Not all people.
I wonder if a bugle would have the same effect.
Concentrate, querida, concentrate.
Now, with the help of this book, we'll find out what makes him steal and cure him.
'"Psychiatry For Fun and Profit, '"or What To Do If Your Analyst's Line Is Busy.
'" Very interesting.
Now, Uncle Fester, you and Mama please leave us alone.
These psychiatrists, when they get someone on the couch, they want everybody to leave.
Now I want you to listen carefully.
When you open your eyes, you will be in your doctor's office.
I am your psychiatrist.
Now open your eyes.
I am going to show you some pictures, and I want you to tell me what they remind you of.
- Sounds like fun.
- All right.
Here's the first one.
- Now, what does that remind you of? - Stealing.
Stealing? What about this one? Robbing.
Robbing? How about this one? Robbing the rich.
- Everything reminds you of robbing? - Naturally.
He's my idol.
- Who? - Robin Hood.
I'm reading a book about him.
- How are you doing? - Uncle Fester, I think this is it.
When he steals, he's imitating his hero, Robin Hood.
Yeah, but Robin Hood stole from the rich and gave to the poor.
That's right.
Well, Gomez never gave anything away.
It's still in the storeroom.
Of course.
He's only halfway through the book.
That's it.
Now that we know why he steals, we can make him stop it.
- Hide the book? - Oh, yes.
Not only that.
Now that he's hypnotized, I'll make him stop walking in his sleep.
Yeah, you better with all that yak stew in him.
I'm going to give you an order and you will obey.
Will obey.
First, you must promise to return everything you've stolen.
Promise.
Oh, dear.
I better get the wheelbarrow.
Morticia, I thought we'd stand guard till you got here.
You are a dear.
Is he resting peacefully? Sleeping like a babe.
Show her, Lurch.
I thought we might just chain him in, just in case.
I tell you, he's sound asleep, Morticia.
It's unnecessary - He's gone.
- Impossible.
Well, the door was locked and there's no other way - There is another way.
- Well, I certainly have no use for these.
Please, I feel just as badly as you do about Gomez, but there's no need to carry on this way.
Uncle Fester, really.
Gomez must be having a real good night.
Oh, Gomez darling, thank heaven you're home.
Oh, dear.
He's still asleep.
He does more work asleep than he does when he's awake.
Oh, that does it! This calls for drastic action.
Lurch, now.
Nothing like a nice morning shower.
Me, the cat burglar? You stole all these things tonight.
Yeah, and in exactly three hours and 20 minutes.
- Not bad.
- You do everything so well.
There's only one way out.
To return these things to their rightful owners.
I told you he was an honest thief.
There's only one small problem.
I don't know who they belong to.
That is a problem.
Morticia, the police! - The perfect solution.
- Jail? No.
I'll just explain how this all happened, and they'll help us find the victims.
- Capital idea.
- No, it isn't.
- They won't believe a word of it.
Hide.
- That's a better idea.
Open up, in the name of the law! Open up the door.
Open up.
Lurch, let the gentlemen in.
Well, we almost nabbed him, but he ducked down an alley.
We got a good look at him, though.
Fellow with a dark mustache and a goofy look.
- We better look upstairs.
- Oh, no.
There's nothing up there but bats.
Let the gentlemen come up if they'd like.
It's all right, child.
This is my grandfather, Alonzo Addams.
Now what's all this nonsense about a cat burglar? Nonsense? These are lists of the houses they robbed and the items they took.
- May I see that, please? - Please, lady, take my word for it.
But I may be able to solve the case.
Everybody's a detective.
My granddaughter is the Sherlock Holmes of the Ladies' Literary League.
Oh, yes.
Elementary, my dear Watson.
- Tish, that's French.
- Grandfather, please.
Feisty old gent, isn't he? That's an overgrown kid.
Fastest shave I ever got.
Looks kind of familiar, doesn't he, Sarge? - Very.
- Please, gentlemen, let's not jump to conclusions.
Can't blame a man for what he does in his sleep.
We tried to stop him with psychic control.
What's that? You know, the snake charmer and the snake.
Psychic I'll show you.
By george, you really put them to sleep.
- I'll get the water.
- No.
Go upstairs and get the loot.
Justice will be done at last.
Well, that about does it.
You will follow this list very carefully and give everything back to their rightful owners.
Back to rightful owners.
Almost forgot.
As I always say, when you need help, call the police.
It must be around here somewhere.
I had it just last night.
Did you lose something, darling? My new platinum ruby and diamond-studded wristwatch.
- I left it on the hall table last night.
- Oh, was that yours, Gomez? Yes.
Have you seen it? I thought it was part of the loot.
I put it back in the Sergeant's pocket.
My $5,000 watch? I wonder who the Sergeant returned that to? Well, there's only one way to find out.
Mama, cook up some more yak stew.
Oh, no.
Sweet.
Petite.
So get a witch's shawl on A broomstick you can crawl on We're gonna pay a call on The Addams family There's nothing like after-dinner music.
It's so soothing, it's making me drowsy.
Darling, I think you had a bit too much dinner.
I've been doing this all day, and it keeps coming out the same.
That's your genius, my dear.
You, too, Mama.
Couldn't resist that stew of yours.
You can't beat a good old-fashioned yak stew.
I shot the yak myself.
I'm afraid I overdid it, though.
I had three helpings.
Five helpings.
Uncle Fester, please.
It isn't easy eating and counting.
I am getting sleepy.
It's time you hit the sack.
Splendid idea.
You rang.
Yes, Lurch, Mr.
Addams wishes to hit the sack.
Thank you, Lurch.
Poor darling.
He was sleepy.
Gomez? Darling, where are you going? Out.
Walk in night.
Uncle Fester, Gomez just went out sleepwalking.
Nice night for it.
Yes, it is.
I'd join him if I were asleep.
I do hope he took his key.
There.
Then he came home at 4:00 this morning with mud all over his shoes.
Well, that's better than lipstick all over his shirt.
Good morning, my dear, Uncle Fester.
Where is everyone this morning? - Morning? - Darling, it's 4:00 in the afternoon.
Well, no wonder I feel so well.
Eighteen hours sleep without waking up once.
Well, what's for lunch? Some more of that yak stew? We really must speak to that newspaper boy.
I distinctly told him I wanted the paper delivered at 3:00.
Hey, see this story? It says that there's a cat burglar in our neighborhood.
Really? Let's see.
Oh, yes.
"Cat burglar strikes.
- "Two homes robbed.
" - Cat burglar, eh? I hope he doesn't try to steal our cat.
Dear Kitty is such a shy little thing.
Don't worry.
This burglar steals only jewelry, furs and money.
Well, he better not try to rob our house.
Why, I'll give him a karate chop, that's what I'll give him.
That's a pretty song.
Morticia, what's the matter with Gomez? Oh, it looks like dear Gomez overdid it again.
Too much of Mama's stew.
Just like his father.
Mr.
Addams loved my yak gravy on glutton bread.
- Mama, isn't that gluten bread? - Not the way he ate it.
Gomez, dear, I think you better get up and take a little stroll around the cave.
- Too late.
- Fester, turn off the music.
Poor Gomez.
I do hope he doesn't walk in his sleep again tonight.
Walk? With the dinner he packed away, he'll be lucky if he can stand up.
I just worry that he might meet that awful cat burglar in a dark alley.
Don't worry, Morticia.
I won't let him out of the house tonight.
I won't let him out of the house tonight.
I'll sit up in front of his door.
You mean stay awake all night? Only if you promise to sleep with ear plugs.
No need the both of us staying awake.
Oh, you are a darling.
Are you sure he won't get out? Not with "never sleep" Fester on guard.
Gonna have a little bedtime snack.
Fester? Fester.
I heard noise.
So, as it turned out, I needn't have worried at all.
When I woke this morning, there was dear Gomez asleep beside me, and his shoes were right where he'd left them.
Except they were covered with mud.
That Mama is a sloppy cleaner.
I thought maybe he'd gone out.
With me standing guard? Never closed an eye.
I think you're right, Lurch.
It doesn't belong there.
Try that space opposite the mantle.
Morticia, what is that? It's my new painting.
I call it Children at Play.
Put it over there.
I'm so glad dear Gomez didn't go out last night.
You know that awful cat burglar was on the prowl again.
- He was? - Yes.
It's in all the newspapers.
They're full of it.
- Full of what, my dear? Sex? - Crime.
Sex and crime, America's favorite breakfast diet.
"Cat burglar strikes again.
Six homes robbed.
" - He's a real ambitious fella.
- Shame! Darling, don't you worry about that cat burglar.
I'm sure the police will track him down.
Speaking of tracks, I had the most fascinating dream last night.
I dreamt I was walking along a dark street, and I stepped into a mud puddle with my new shoes.
- The ones you got for our wedding? - The very ones.
- Now that's what I call a realistic dream.
- You sure you haven't been out? - Impossible.
- Of course.
I must've picked up the mud down in the cave.
Well, no problem.
Thing.
Uncle Fester, I want you to accompany me to the storeroom.
I'd like a word with the man who never sleeps.
- I tell you, I never shut my eyes.
- Did you sleep with them open? No, I was on the alert all Look at all the loot.
Morticia, you don't think Gomez! A cat burglar.
What else? I've heard of guys taking moonlight jobs, but this is ridiculous.
And I don't want to tell dear Gomez.
It'll unsettle him terribly.
Of course.
He's such an honest thief.
We just must make sure he doesn't leave this house.
Hey, I know.
Why don't I sit up all night and guard his door? I No, we tried that, didn't we? - I know what's causing Gomez trouble.
- You do? It's that yak stew of mine.
I just remembered.
His father used to react the same way.
That's why I quit making it.
Oh, dear.
Lurch, there's a big bowl of it left in the refrigerator.
- Get rid of it at once.
- Yes, Mrs.
Addams.
Mama, you'd better get started on another pot of stew.
I just finished this one off.
- Gomez, you didn't.
- I didn't? Then what's this on my necktie? He ate it.
Well, I'm off to the library.
Time to play with my train.
The cat burglar strikes again.
Uncle Fester, Mama, what am I going to do? - Gomez needs help.
- He certainly does need help.
With a load like he brought home last night, he's liable to strain his back.
Morticia, why don't we get him a wheelbarrow? Uncle Fester, please.
We must find out what makes him steal.
We must delve into his subconscious mind.
Find out what it is - That's it.
Psychic control.
- Psychic what? The snake charmer and the snake.
Psychic control.
The snake charmer and the Perfect for Gomez.
Darling, are you sure that thing is in tune? Gomez, dear, please.
It's just a game.
Now listen.
Listen carefully.
Querida, you know I don't like the flute.
Glockenspiel, the sousaphone, yes.
But the flute? Gomez, darling, concentrate.
Yeah, Gomez, concentrate.
It's so beautiful.
So soothing, so Well, that Fester's really a sleepy one.
Uncle Fester! Well, how did you make out? Say, he looks better already.
Fester, dear, we haven't started yet.
Oh, Morticia, I don't think you're playing the right tune for Gomez.
- How about another song? - Another tune? How about this? My favorite song.
So soft, so docile, so Mama! So sorry.
That flute of yours has a strange effect on people.
Not all people.
I wonder if a bugle would have the same effect.
Concentrate, querida, concentrate.
Now, with the help of this book, we'll find out what makes him steal and cure him.
'"Psychiatry For Fun and Profit, '"or What To Do If Your Analyst's Line Is Busy.
'" Very interesting.
Now, Uncle Fester, you and Mama please leave us alone.
These psychiatrists, when they get someone on the couch, they want everybody to leave.
Now I want you to listen carefully.
When you open your eyes, you will be in your doctor's office.
I am your psychiatrist.
Now open your eyes.
I am going to show you some pictures, and I want you to tell me what they remind you of.
- Sounds like fun.
- All right.
Here's the first one.
- Now, what does that remind you of? - Stealing.
Stealing? What about this one? Robbing.
Robbing? How about this one? Robbing the rich.
- Everything reminds you of robbing? - Naturally.
He's my idol.
- Who? - Robin Hood.
I'm reading a book about him.
- How are you doing? - Uncle Fester, I think this is it.
When he steals, he's imitating his hero, Robin Hood.
Yeah, but Robin Hood stole from the rich and gave to the poor.
That's right.
Well, Gomez never gave anything away.
It's still in the storeroom.
Of course.
He's only halfway through the book.
That's it.
Now that we know why he steals, we can make him stop it.
- Hide the book? - Oh, yes.
Not only that.
Now that he's hypnotized, I'll make him stop walking in his sleep.
Yeah, you better with all that yak stew in him.
I'm going to give you an order and you will obey.
Will obey.
First, you must promise to return everything you've stolen.
Promise.
Oh, dear.
I better get the wheelbarrow.
Morticia, I thought we'd stand guard till you got here.
You are a dear.
Is he resting peacefully? Sleeping like a babe.
Show her, Lurch.
I thought we might just chain him in, just in case.
I tell you, he's sound asleep, Morticia.
It's unnecessary - He's gone.
- Impossible.
Well, the door was locked and there's no other way - There is another way.
- Well, I certainly have no use for these.
Please, I feel just as badly as you do about Gomez, but there's no need to carry on this way.
Uncle Fester, really.
Gomez must be having a real good night.
Oh, Gomez darling, thank heaven you're home.
Oh, dear.
He's still asleep.
He does more work asleep than he does when he's awake.
Oh, that does it! This calls for drastic action.
Lurch, now.
Nothing like a nice morning shower.
Me, the cat burglar? You stole all these things tonight.
Yeah, and in exactly three hours and 20 minutes.
- Not bad.
- You do everything so well.
There's only one way out.
To return these things to their rightful owners.
I told you he was an honest thief.
There's only one small problem.
I don't know who they belong to.
That is a problem.
Morticia, the police! - The perfect solution.
- Jail? No.
I'll just explain how this all happened, and they'll help us find the victims.
- Capital idea.
- No, it isn't.
- They won't believe a word of it.
Hide.
- That's a better idea.
Open up, in the name of the law! Open up the door.
Open up.
Lurch, let the gentlemen in.
Well, we almost nabbed him, but he ducked down an alley.
We got a good look at him, though.
Fellow with a dark mustache and a goofy look.
- We better look upstairs.
- Oh, no.
There's nothing up there but bats.
Let the gentlemen come up if they'd like.
It's all right, child.
This is my grandfather, Alonzo Addams.
Now what's all this nonsense about a cat burglar? Nonsense? These are lists of the houses they robbed and the items they took.
- May I see that, please? - Please, lady, take my word for it.
But I may be able to solve the case.
Everybody's a detective.
My granddaughter is the Sherlock Holmes of the Ladies' Literary League.
Oh, yes.
Elementary, my dear Watson.
- Tish, that's French.
- Grandfather, please.
Feisty old gent, isn't he? That's an overgrown kid.
Fastest shave I ever got.
Looks kind of familiar, doesn't he, Sarge? - Very.
- Please, gentlemen, let's not jump to conclusions.
Can't blame a man for what he does in his sleep.
We tried to stop him with psychic control.
What's that? You know, the snake charmer and the snake.
Psychic I'll show you.
By george, you really put them to sleep.
- I'll get the water.
- No.
Go upstairs and get the loot.
Justice will be done at last.
Well, that about does it.
You will follow this list very carefully and give everything back to their rightful owners.
Back to rightful owners.
Almost forgot.
As I always say, when you need help, call the police.
It must be around here somewhere.
I had it just last night.
Did you lose something, darling? My new platinum ruby and diamond-studded wristwatch.
- I left it on the hall table last night.
- Oh, was that yours, Gomez? Yes.
Have you seen it? I thought it was part of the loot.
I put it back in the Sergeant's pocket.
My $5,000 watch? I wonder who the Sergeant returned that to? Well, there's only one way to find out.
Mama, cook up some more yak stew.
Oh, no.