The Guild (2007) s02e12 Episode Script
Fight!
Zaboo's like a genie you can't shove back into the bottle! I mean, he shows up everywhere! Bad timing's an understatement! So, I'm in my apartment, and two guys are about to go at it over me, and why am I feeling so incredibly flattered? I'm terrible.
It was awesome.
I feel so guilty! Not that I mind, but what the? Got to recalibrate.
I'm too used to pulling punches for the camera.
Nah, you don't need to recalibrate ugh.
That was a good recalibration.
Go, Zaboo! Oh, my gosh! I've never been into blood and revenge before, but since I've started tooling around as Teats4Tots, I'm, like, rabid for ass-kicking! Teats4Tots?! That's the toon who's been ganking me for a week! Uh-oh.
Come on, little dude! This is a fight, not Whac-A-Mole.
Okay.
I'm ready.
I'm doing this for you, my love.
"I haf zee powaa!" Urgh! Ah! God! What do you have, a metal chest? Come on! What kind of punch is that? - Ow! My thumb! - The thumb goes on the outside, see? On the outside! Okay, that's a good tip.
See, my Dad was a pacifist Aw, come on! I thought we were sharing a moment, man! Clara, you're the one who's been tormenting me for days? With good reason! You robbed me of that orb! I'm horrified! I've dedicated my life to the well-being of my Guild and its members! To be subject to this kind of betrayal from one of my own ugh! Now I know how King Arthur felt when Lancelot caressed his wife's genitalia! Ugh! Excuse me! Stop it, you guys! Just stop it! Just Oh, my God! I'm gonna just shut up and be really still for a second.
Codex, are you aware that Clara has been stalking and murdering me for a week? - Vork, I'm kind of busy right now! - Whatever! All right, buddy.
Get prepared for the wrath of the Hinjew Gods.
Okay! So, that was my one move.
That didn't work out so well.
I can't believe the betrayal.
Am I really that bad? I've never thought of myself as a bad man.
Sure, there was that night I spent at the Hitler Youth Camp by accident.
Is it me? Is it her? I'm having a crisis of spirit here! Dude, don't be sad.
Get even.
Help, help, help! Yeah, rub it in.
That's great.
Oh, you're cool.
Hey, I recognize that last move.
He did motion capture for the game! Wait, what? The game! Oh, wait! That was totally a Fire Gladiator move.
Yeah, I also did the Zombie Monks.
- Oh, cool! - See! You can't win.
Those Zombie Monks always own you! She's right.
Why, Clara? Why?! The little one is kinda cute.
I have a thing for underdogs.
I still can't get over it, man.
You're like the Zombie Monk! You know, I totally bought that you were dead, but infused with Lich Aura Lich'd.
Thanks, man! I did a lot of character work on that one.
Check this out! Okay.
Yeah, that was money.
Spot on.
Used that one in that movie Shapeshifter High last year.
- Really? - Graduation scene.
- Fourth Were-tiger to the right.
- Man, I loved that movie.
Um, don't keep fighting over me, you guys.
I'm totally not worth it.
She's got a point.
She's really not worth it.
Well, there I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with you.
Codex is a fine prize of a woman, and if you'd like to withdraw your claim, I will accept it.
- I'm cool.
- What?! Cool, man.
Well, it was really fun doing man-moves with you.
Bond'd.
You gotta look at the elbow.
- Never miss.
- Really? - You're awesome! - Nothing personal.
The little guy's got spunk, and anyway, I usually get paid for this.
- But - See ya 'round, Red.
He's nice.
Well, I'm sure you're sufficiently aroused by now, so we have a little time before the server kicks back on.
- Maybe we can - Into the bedroom! Right now! Good thing I got here in time.
I didn't know that feeding you all that herbal lady-viagra would have you rolling around with every neighborhood hotshot.
You were feeding me what? Oh, they were rainforest herbs! Organic'd.
Did it ever occur to you that I'm just not interested in you? But I thought you said if I leveled up I could be with you.
I just told you that so you'd move out! Look, I'm sorry I couldn't tell you that in a way that you might understand.
What that would entail outside of a frontal lobotomy, I have no idea, but I'm sorry.
I still like you as a friend.
I have heard this speech a million times before.
"Oh, Zaboo, I'm married.
" "Zaboo, I'm in San Quentin.
" "Zaboo, I'm your imaginary friend.
" I mean, are there no open and available women on the Internet? Maybe.
But I guess I'm just not one of them.
Oh, okay.
I'm not gonna cry, 'cause I'm a tough man now.
You know, I thought it was different with you than those other ladies, because I didn't care what you looked like, you know? I fell for you before I even saw your face.
But I will honor your wishes and leave this quest line unfinished.
I guess my princess is in another castle.
I finally broke it off with Zaboo.
Ugh, life was so much easier before we met each other.
Preaching to the choir.
- Server is up now.
- Sweet.
But what's the point? The Guild moral core is broken.
Kaput.
The Knights of Good should be renamed the Knaves of Hooliganism.
What the hell? My character isn't showing up on the login screen.
- Try relogging.
- I did! Where am I? Bladezz was using that laptop earlier.
What?! No! No, no, no, no, no, no! It's gone! He deleted my character! Two years of my life, my gold, my reputation points! I don't exist anymore! Hooliganism.
Clara! Stunt Guy! I am so glad I didn't drop my loot for you.
It was awesome.
I feel so guilty! Not that I mind, but what the? Got to recalibrate.
I'm too used to pulling punches for the camera.
Nah, you don't need to recalibrate ugh.
That was a good recalibration.
Go, Zaboo! Oh, my gosh! I've never been into blood and revenge before, but since I've started tooling around as Teats4Tots, I'm, like, rabid for ass-kicking! Teats4Tots?! That's the toon who's been ganking me for a week! Uh-oh.
Come on, little dude! This is a fight, not Whac-A-Mole.
Okay.
I'm ready.
I'm doing this for you, my love.
"I haf zee powaa!" Urgh! Ah! God! What do you have, a metal chest? Come on! What kind of punch is that? - Ow! My thumb! - The thumb goes on the outside, see? On the outside! Okay, that's a good tip.
See, my Dad was a pacifist Aw, come on! I thought we were sharing a moment, man! Clara, you're the one who's been tormenting me for days? With good reason! You robbed me of that orb! I'm horrified! I've dedicated my life to the well-being of my Guild and its members! To be subject to this kind of betrayal from one of my own ugh! Now I know how King Arthur felt when Lancelot caressed his wife's genitalia! Ugh! Excuse me! Stop it, you guys! Just stop it! Just Oh, my God! I'm gonna just shut up and be really still for a second.
Codex, are you aware that Clara has been stalking and murdering me for a week? - Vork, I'm kind of busy right now! - Whatever! All right, buddy.
Get prepared for the wrath of the Hinjew Gods.
Okay! So, that was my one move.
That didn't work out so well.
I can't believe the betrayal.
Am I really that bad? I've never thought of myself as a bad man.
Sure, there was that night I spent at the Hitler Youth Camp by accident.
Is it me? Is it her? I'm having a crisis of spirit here! Dude, don't be sad.
Get even.
Help, help, help! Yeah, rub it in.
That's great.
Oh, you're cool.
Hey, I recognize that last move.
He did motion capture for the game! Wait, what? The game! Oh, wait! That was totally a Fire Gladiator move.
Yeah, I also did the Zombie Monks.
- Oh, cool! - See! You can't win.
Those Zombie Monks always own you! She's right.
Why, Clara? Why?! The little one is kinda cute.
I have a thing for underdogs.
I still can't get over it, man.
You're like the Zombie Monk! You know, I totally bought that you were dead, but infused with Lich Aura Lich'd.
Thanks, man! I did a lot of character work on that one.
Check this out! Okay.
Yeah, that was money.
Spot on.
Used that one in that movie Shapeshifter High last year.
- Really? - Graduation scene.
- Fourth Were-tiger to the right.
- Man, I loved that movie.
Um, don't keep fighting over me, you guys.
I'm totally not worth it.
She's got a point.
She's really not worth it.
Well, there I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with you.
Codex is a fine prize of a woman, and if you'd like to withdraw your claim, I will accept it.
- I'm cool.
- What?! Cool, man.
Well, it was really fun doing man-moves with you.
Bond'd.
You gotta look at the elbow.
- Never miss.
- Really? - You're awesome! - Nothing personal.
The little guy's got spunk, and anyway, I usually get paid for this.
- But - See ya 'round, Red.
He's nice.
Well, I'm sure you're sufficiently aroused by now, so we have a little time before the server kicks back on.
- Maybe we can - Into the bedroom! Right now! Good thing I got here in time.
I didn't know that feeding you all that herbal lady-viagra would have you rolling around with every neighborhood hotshot.
You were feeding me what? Oh, they were rainforest herbs! Organic'd.
Did it ever occur to you that I'm just not interested in you? But I thought you said if I leveled up I could be with you.
I just told you that so you'd move out! Look, I'm sorry I couldn't tell you that in a way that you might understand.
What that would entail outside of a frontal lobotomy, I have no idea, but I'm sorry.
I still like you as a friend.
I have heard this speech a million times before.
"Oh, Zaboo, I'm married.
" "Zaboo, I'm in San Quentin.
" "Zaboo, I'm your imaginary friend.
" I mean, are there no open and available women on the Internet? Maybe.
But I guess I'm just not one of them.
Oh, okay.
I'm not gonna cry, 'cause I'm a tough man now.
You know, I thought it was different with you than those other ladies, because I didn't care what you looked like, you know? I fell for you before I even saw your face.
But I will honor your wishes and leave this quest line unfinished.
I guess my princess is in another castle.
I finally broke it off with Zaboo.
Ugh, life was so much easier before we met each other.
Preaching to the choir.
- Server is up now.
- Sweet.
But what's the point? The Guild moral core is broken.
Kaput.
The Knights of Good should be renamed the Knaves of Hooliganism.
What the hell? My character isn't showing up on the login screen.
- Try relogging.
- I did! Where am I? Bladezz was using that laptop earlier.
What?! No! No, no, no, no, no, no! It's gone! He deleted my character! Two years of my life, my gold, my reputation points! I don't exist anymore! Hooliganism.
Clara! Stunt Guy! I am so glad I didn't drop my loot for you.