The Proud Family (2001) s02e12 Episode Script

(monkeys chattering)
Oscar, look at the mess
you’ve made.
And what are these monkeys
doing in my kitchen?!
(Oscar) They’re working, baby.
Just like I am.
They’re my taste-testers.
Look, Oscar, as a veterinarian,
I cannot condone the use of
animals in laboratory testing.
Okay, then you be
the taste-tester.
On second thought,
far be it from me
to put a monkey out of work.
Trust me, Trudy,
the small sacrifice
these animals are
about to make
will be well worth it
when I win this year’s
Professional Snack Makers
Association Snack-Off.
All this mess to win a trophy?
A trophy?
(crashing)
Trudy, the winner of the PSA Snack-Off
becomes the hottest snack
in the world.
Last year’s winner John Dixie Kettle
was a down-on-his-luck farmer
when he entered his Kettle corn
into the Snack-Off.
Now he’s so rich, the only thing
he farms are money trees.
Out of my way.
Me and my trusty taste-testers
have tasty treats to taste.
Hey, where did the monkeys go?
Read the sign, Oscar.
Huh?
They quit?
They can’t quit on me.
They better get
(laughing)
The Proud Family ♪
What? You and me
will always be tight ♪
Family, every single day
and night ♪
Even when you start
acting like a fool ♪
You know I’m loving
every single thing you do ♪
I know that I can
always be myself ♪
I love you more
than anybody else ♪
And every day
as I’m heading off to school ♪
You know there’s no one
I love as much as you ♪
Family, a family ♪
Proud Family ♪
They’ll make you scream ♪
-(doorbell rings)
-They make you want to sing ♪
It’s a family thing,
a family ♪
Proud, Proud Family ♪
Proud Family ♪
They’ll push your buttons ♪
And make you want
to hug them ♪
Family, a family,
Proud, Proud Family. ♪
Ye-ouch!
Okay, Daddy.
Everybody’s here.
And we’re ready to get paid.
So what do we have
to do, Mr. Proud?
Yeah, because after this,
I’ve got a date with the mall.
Come on, girls. All you got to do
is taste my snacks.
(all screaming)
Please, girls, I need you.
I’m desperate.
My wife won’t do it.
My monkeys won’t do it.
I don’t know who to turn to.
(crying)
Penny, please, please
Come on, guys. I can’t stand
to see my dad like this.
Let’s do it. It won’t kill us.
(groaning, stomach grumbling)
(girls groaning)
Come on, Dr. Pain, hurry up.
I’ve got another batch of snacks
for the kids to try.
Quiet, fool!
Don’t you see I’m working?!
Oscar, I don’t believe you.
Your snacks are what
made the kids sick.
(Oscar)
That’s your opinion.
That’s a fact, Proud.
Good thing your wife called me.
The kids are going to be okay.
Just stay away
from Proud Snax forever!
Here’s my bill.
Take it, Proud!
(sputters)
400 bucks!
-I-I think you made a mistake, Doc.
-You’re right.
It’s $500.
Well, what is
the extra hundred for?
Back talk, sucker.
Where’s my grandbaby?
-(groans) Here, Suga Mama.
-(door closes)
Daddy made me sick.
(crying)
Yes, I know he did, baby.
Your daddy makes everybody sick.
But Suga Mama’s about to fix
all that.
Here. Now, you kids eat this,
and before you know it
you’ll be as good as new.
Why don’t you eat one of those,
Suga Mama?
Because the old Suga Mama
has worn out her welcome.
Shut up, fool.
Respect your sweet little Suga Mama.
Why, thank you, Dr. Pain.
Have one of my
Get Up and Go bars.
Don’t mind if I do.
Mmm
This is great.
What’s in it?
Well, let’s just say
I put my foot in it.
You sure did.
You need to teach your son
how to make snacks like this,
Suga Bear.
Well, now, that’s easier said
than done, Doctor.
The boy is slow.
It took me 12 years
just to potty train him.
Thank you, Mrs. Proud.
The kids should be up and about
in a couple of hours.
And thanks for the snack,
Suga Mama.
I feel I can go 18 rounds
with Mike Tyson. Good night.
So, how do my babies feel?
Great. Suga Mama,
you were right.
I feel better already.
Yeah, me, too.
I hate to brag, but my
Get Up and Go bars taste good
and make you feel good, too.
Daddy, you know what?
You should enter Suga Mama’s
Get Up and Go bars in the Snack-Off.
Yeah, because
if you enter yours,
all people are going to do is get up
-and go to the bathroom.
-(laughing)
Look, baby girl,
Suga Mama’s snacks
are okay for a church bake sale,
but the Snack-Off
is for professional
snack makers only.
Then why are you in it?
I’ll have you know,
Sugar Mother,
I am a card-carrying member
of the Professional Snack Association.
Just a little back dues mix-up.
Suga Mama, Penny is right.
You should enter the Snack-Off.
Yeah, Suga Mama, ’cause these snacks
are off the heezy.
They’re much better
than Mr. Proud’s.
They don’t make you gag
or anything.
Mmm They are good,
Suga Mama.
I think you would have a good chance
of winning.
Come on, Suga Mama.
Look, I’ll even help you.
We can make some bags
with your face on it.
(laughing)
That would be like putting
a bag on a bag.
Hey!
(chuckles)
And that’s putting
a thump on a chump.
Wow, I can’t believe I’m actually here
at the Professional Snack
Association Snack-Off.
Yep, all the giants are here.
There’s Jeffrey Pringle,
Danny Dorito,
Freddy Frito.
Freddy Frito?
Man, I’ve got to get his autograph.
Felix!
Excuse me, Mr. Frito?
Felix Boulevardez.
I am a huge fan.
Would you mind signing
my belly?
For it is a living monument
to your greatness.
Ho! Security!
-Sorry, Freddy. Excuse my gordido amigo.
-(security alarm blares)
Look, Felix, you’re going
to get me thrown out of here.
Civilians aren’t allowed in here.
Than what is Suga Mama
doing here?
Suga Mama?! Wh?
Suga Mama!
What are you doing here?
Daddy, we’ve entered the Snack-Off.
You can’t do that.
It’s for PSA members only.
And that would be a problem
if I weren’t a b-b-b-bam!
PSA member, baby!
How’d you get that?
I paid my dues,
unlike other folks that I know.
I paid my dues, too.
I was raised by you still paying.
(Man)
Proud Snax, huh?
George Foreman?
Hey, champ,
could you sign my belly?
Whoa, and I thought
I was out of shape.
Excuse me, champ.
Felix, he’s a judge.
What are you doing, man?
Nobody wants to touch your belly
or look at it.
Tuck the hairs in, man.
You’re embarrassing.
Roll one of these
in your mouth, champ.
One swallow will make
your taste buds holler.
It’s my new creation.
Proud kiwi, garlic
and horseradish pork rinds.
Grab a handful, grill-meister.
Man, I love pork rinds.
-(crunching)
-How do you like them, George?
Um they’re great.
-You have a chance of winning the
-(bells dinging, groaning)
Champ! Champ!
Wake up, champ!
Champ, you all right?
Well, Oscar, you did
what Evander Holyfield couldn’t do
you knocked out the champ.
Suga Mama, give him one of your
Get Up and Go bars.
Good idea, Penny.
Are you sure you’re
your father’s daughter?
(snickers)
(George chewing)
(bell dings)
Man, I feel better
than I ever have in my life.
Thanks to my
Get Up and Go bar.
Wow. If only I had these in Zaire
when I fought Ali.
(chuckling)
Hey, guys, try this sweet
little lady’s snack.
(all talking)
(applause)
We have a winner.
This year’s Snack-Off champion
is Suga Mama Proud.
(cheers and applause)
I told you! I’m the queen!
Give me a beat, Penny.
(steady beat playing)
I’m the queen of snacks ♪
There ain’t none higher ♪
The sucker snack makers,
they call me sire ♪
I’m the queen, ha, ha! ♪
(applause and cheering)
Suga Mama, I can’t believe
all these presents
the snack companies
are sending you
just to get you to sign with them.
Every snack company in the world
wants to be in business with you.
Every company but one.
What snack company could be
so stupid not to make you an offer?
The only one that matters
the Proud Snax Company.
Suga Mama, I’m sorry.
Okay, lookie here, Mama.
This is the deal.
Daddy, Suga Mama
has already made her
Hold on there, baby girl,
grown people are talking.
Now, I know you’re getting
a lot of fancy offers
from all the snack giants,
but nobody’s going
to make you a better deal
than your own son.
But, Oscar, Suga Mama
Trudy, I’m talking
business with my mother.
Now the best deal you got on the table
is probably a 20%-80% split.
-Now, what I’m willing to do is
-Look, Oscar
Mama, please let me finish.
Now, if you come
with my company,
I’m willing to split 80-20,
with you getting the 80%.
-Oscar
-Okay, 90%!
And not another cent more.
What do you say,
Mama?
Boy, I say you sure drive
a hard bargain. Deal!
(laughing)
What’s so funny?
(Oscar) Okay, Mama, forget
about everything you’ve heard
about the snack business.
If it doesn’t fly
with the monkeys,
the only thing we’ll be raking
in is some monkey
Oscar, cut out the monkey business.
Give them the bars.
All right.
Now when I throw it in, duck.
They’ve been known
to throw it right back.
Here goes nothing.
(monkey chatters)
They like it.
Yeah, I’ve never seen
that reaction before.
Uh, I mean, that’s a typical
reaction to Proud Snax.
We’re on our way
to the top shelf, Mama.
We are on our way!
Step right up.
Get your Get Up and Go bars
before they’re get up
and gone bars.
Ah, yeah.
That’s a snappy slogan, son.
Thank you, Mama.
A snappy slogan for a snappy snack.
(munching)
You’ve come to the right place, sir.
You want to get off those crutches?
You want to kick up some dust?
Try one of Suga Mama’s
Get Up and Go bars.
Guaranteed to put
some pep in your step,
put a glide in your stride
put a dip in your hip.
Come on
and get the mother ship.
(munching, gulping)
Look, it’s a miracle!
(all gasping)
(metal rattling)
Ooh ooh
(yelling excitedly)
I’ll always love my mama ♪
She’s my favorite girl ♪
Mmm, mmm, mmm,
mmm, mmm, yeah ♪
I’ll always love my mama ♪
She brought me in this world ♪
Mmm, I’m talking
about my mama ♪
I’ll always love my mama ♪
-Sweet ol’ girl ♪
-(horn honking)
I’ll always love my mama ♪
Things may get
a little rough sometimes ♪
I’ll always love my mama ♪
-Oh, Mama ♪
-I’ll always love my mama ♪
(Oscar)
For she’s a jolly good Mama ♪
For she’s a jolly good
Suga Mama ♪
Suga Mama ♪
That nobody can deny
(scatting)
I just want to say,
thanks to Suga Mama,
the words "Proud Snax" and "yuck"
are no longer synonymous.
(all laughing)
Or "Oscar Proud"
and "worthless."
-(laughing)
-Yeah
Or "Oscar Proud"
and "that’s not my daddy."
-(laughing)
-Okay, okay.
Let’s not get carried away.
This isn’t about me.
Or "Oscar Proud"
and "embarrassing."
(laughing)
All right, keep talking, Suga Mama,
and you won’t hear
the important announcement
I have to make.
Go ahead, boy, you
know I love you.
Come on, Daddy,
give us the news.
What’s the announcement?
-Suga Mama is going to be on Oprah!
-(screaming)
That’s fantastic,
Suga Mama.
Oprah? Oprah Winfrey?
No, Oprah Rabinowitz.
Of course Oprah Winfrey.
Do you know what
that means?
Yeah! I’m going to finally get to meet
that fine hunk of caramel, Stedman.
No! Once you go on Oprah
and talk about your Get Up and Go Bars,
we’re going to get up and go to the bank.
This time next week,
we’re going to be richer than
-Wizard Kelly?!
-In person, y’all.
May I enter your humble
but tiny abode?
Now the Wizard is a man of few words.
And that’s because you left junior high
for the NBA.
No, I left junior high for $20 million.
And speaking of a lot of money,
I want to buy Proud Snax
Get Up and Go Bars from you.
No. I don’t trust you, lizard.
I’m surprised you haven’t already
tried to steal my recipe.
Steal? The Wizard would never take
what is not his.
Even if the Wizard’s
crack team of scientists
could duplicate your recipe
except for one
very, very special mystery
ingredient, of course.
It’s my secret ingredient
and I’ll never tell you what it is.
Like the Wizard always says,
"When money talks,
secrets walk."
Now you listen here, Wizard,
you don’t have enough money
to buy my secret recipe.
Oh, yeah?
How about this much?
Uh, stranger, when your
business partner comes to
tell her that the Wizard
will be back in an hour
with a contract and a check.
-(door closing)
-How much did he offer, Oscar?
I don’t know.
$2 million, y’all!
(gasping)
Two Million dollars, y’all.
Oscar, I’ve always
stayed out of the way
when it comes to your
snack business
and I know how you and Suga Mama
feel about Wizard Kelly,
but, baby, this is an offer
we can’t refuse!
I agree with Mama.
You guys need to sell
this recipe to the Wiz
(mimics Wizard)
and get paid.
Well, what do you think,
Suga Mama?
It’s your recipe and I’ll
support any decision you make.
Good, ’cause I ain’t selling.
Are you nuts?!
The Wizard’s offering
us $2 million, y’all.
I don’t care.
I don’t like Wizard Kelly.
You don’t like me,
but that hasn’t stopped you
from taking my money
all these years.
-(doorbell ringing)
-Come on, Suga Mama, he’s here.
That’s a lot of money
you’re turning down.
Hello.
Yeah, Suga Mama.
Do it for your grandkids.
Shoot, do it for your kid.
You all really want me
to sign with the Wiz?
(All) Yes!
Fine, then give me the contract.
I’m glad to see you’ve come
to your senses, Suga Mama.
(laughing excitedly)
Mama, what are you doing?
Oscar, you always say
I don’t believe in you.
Truth is, you don’t believe
in yourself.
Why would you take $2 million?
Hmm, let me think.
Maybe because it’s two million more
than I thought I’d ever see
in my entire, pathetic life?!
Look, Oscar, I believe in you.
You do, Mama?
Of course I do, son.
Lights, please.
If you believe ♪
Within your heart
you’ll know ♪
That no one can change ♪
The path that you must go ♪
Believe what you feel ♪
And know you’re right
because ♪
A time will come around ♪
When you’ll say it’s yours ♪
Believe that you can go home ♪
Believe you can float on air ♪
Yes, click your heels
three times ♪
If you believe ♪
Oh, then you’ll be there ♪
That’s why, Oscar,
I want you to believe ♪
In yourself right here
from the start ♪
You’ve got to believe
in the magic ♪
Right here in your heart ♪
Go ahead and believe
all these things ♪
Not because I told you to ♪
No, no, no,
go ahead and believe ♪
In yourself ♪
Whoo, yeah ♪
You’ve got to believe
in yourself ♪
Ooh, yeah, yeah ♪
Come on and believe
in yourself ♪
As I believe in ♪
You ♪
-(Mama carrying note)
-(sobbing)
(sobbing)
(song ends)
(voice breaking)
That was beautiful, Suga Mama.
It sure was, wasn’t it, Oscar?
(crying)
It was
Then she said,
Believe in yourself ♪
(Wizard)
Look, the Wizard is a busy man.
Even though I did enjoy
that snappy spiritual
from the musical named after
the Wiz himself.
Uh, do we have a deal, y’all?
No. We don’t have a deal.
You can take your two
$2 million contract
and hit the road.
-Ain’t that right, Mama?
-That’s right, son.
Okay, but my offer still stands.
I am so proud of you, Oscar.
How do you feel?
Sick. I need a Get Up and Go Bar
with extra get up.
And sprinkles.
(crying)
This is a dream come true.
An all-expense paid trip to Chicago
to see Suga Mama on Oprah.
Well, Oscar, it looks
like all your hard work
on Proud Snax has
finally paid off big.
It’s huge, Trudy!
Look at everyone in the audience
eating the complimentary
Get Up and Go Bars that I gave them.
Ha, ha!
When the show’s over,
I’m going to sell every last case
of those bad boys.
Trudy, my ship has come
I mean, our ship has come in.
(applause)
(theme music playing)
Welcome back to the show.
We’re here with Suga Mama,
the grand diva
of the snack world.
Now, Suga Mama wait, wait.
(gulping, crunching)
Oh, Suga Mama.
After I tasted these
Get Up and Go Bars,
you know I had to get up
and get you on my show.
You know what
I’m saying, girl?
-(applause)
-(Suga Mama) Oh, yeah.
Thank you, thank you.
Thank y’all.
(laughing)
Now, I see a lot of ingredients
up here, Suga Mama.
Uh, why don’t you
tell us what they are.
Why, yeah, you see,
we got your flour
your sugar, your orange peels.
You know, I grow
my own oranges, Oprah.
But business been
so good lately,
I’ve had to swipe a few
from my neighbors.
-(audience laughing)
-Well, Suga Mama,
the word in the snack biz
is that you have a secret ingredient
that even the biggest of snack makers
can’t figure out.
Although, I do taste
more than a hint of fatback.
Oh, it’s no big secret, Oprah.
I just put my foot in it.
-(audience laughing)
-Isn’t she precious?
Well, we know you put your foot in it.
We want to know how you do it.
Well, I’ll be glad to show you.
-You will?
-(applause)
In front of our studio audience
and America?
I told you it’s not a secret.
Oh isn’t she a treat, audience?
Don’t you just love this show?
Okay. Well, I’ve already premixed
the other ingredients here.
Then I put the bowl
on the floor, you know,
close to some place where I can
hold to preferably Stedman.
Then I lightly dust my foot with flour
so the dough won’t stick.
-Then I just
-(audience gasping)
put my foot in it.
-(choking)
-Oprah, what’s wrong?
You feeling sick?
Here, Oprah, have one
of my Get Up and Go Bars.
It’ll make you feel better.
-Or maybe not.
-(retching)
Oh, no, I’m doomed.
Wait a minute.
This isn’t a live show.
Trudy, pass me the cell phone.
Thanks, baby.
Eeh, not on my shoes.
(Wizard laughing)
(phone ringing)
Hello?
Hey, Wiz, it’s me.
Your good buddy, Oscar Proud.
I talked to Suga Mama
and we’re prepared to accept
your very generous but lowball offer
for $2 million, y’all
to buy Proud Snax Get Up and Go Bar.
(laughing)
I guess that happy laughter
means we’ve got a deal?
No, that laughter means
(laughing)
I’m watching Suga Mama
put her foot in it on national TV.
On national TV?!
I thought this was a taped show.
(laughing)
Oh, no, my soon to
be broke, brother.
This is a special event Oprah.
It’s being seen live coast-to-coast.
Which means millions of people
are throwing up as we speak.
(laughing)
If I were you, I’d start looking for
a good attorney, y’all.
I can’t wait to get this
on the DVD and Betamax.
(beeps)
Operator? Yes.
Could you get me the number for Dewey,
Cheatum and Howe, attorneys at law?
Yes, I’ll hold.
(bubbling)
(Trudy)
I’ve got to give you credit, Oscar.
After the Suga Mama foot fiasco,
I figured you would’ve given up
on snack making.
Trudy, snack making is in my blood.
In fact, the Suga Mama incident
inspired me.
I call my new snack "Feetos"
they’re corn chips, get it?
Ha, ha!
Now stand back.
You’re about to witness the
birth of a new era in snacks.
-But, Daddy, I wouldn’t
-Silence! Drumroll.
(blowing raspberries)
(drumroll continues)
(screams)
Uh, uh, huh, huh, I
I got the feelin’ ♪
Got to get on the good foot ♪
Ha!
Uh, I don’t know about this snack thing
but Papa’s got a brand new dance.
Got to get on the good foot
Hey! ♪