The Spectacular Spider-Man (2008) s02e12 Episode Script

1
NORMAN: The vault will soon be
the pinnacle of ultra-maximum
security incarceration.
Put a supervillain
in here and, trust me,
he's never getting out.
Music to my ears,
Osborn.
Now that we're finally
putting this reprobate
behind bars,
I don't want him
seeing the light of day
any time soon.
You don't have
to take quite so much
pleasure in this, Jonah.
Oh, but I do.
I really, really do.
[BUTTON BEEPING]
[CHAINS JINGLING]
Livin' on the edge
Fighting crime
Spinning webs
Swingin' from
the highest ledge
He could leap
above our heads
Villains on the rise
And the city's victimized
Looking up
with no surprise
Arriving
in the speed of time
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Spectacular
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Wow, haven't been in stir
five minutes and already
I'm climbing the walls.
[CHUCKLING] Get it?
No? No love?
Fine. Just remember,
I'm only here 'cause
Normikins asked
me to test
the vault's security.
So, if you're watching,
and I know you are,
Picklepuss,
[GROWLING] don't get any ideas.
Delivery. Yet another
OsCorp sensor system
for the vault.
All right.
Everything seems in order.
You, uh, know where to go?
I do, indeed.
Never thought
I'd find myself
busting into prison.
DEVEREAUX: One hour!
Curtain in one hour!
Oh, my cast
is battling stage fright.
And their director's
battling stage panic.
Where is my Puck? [PHONE RINGING]
Where is Harry Osborn? Working on it.
Oh. Hello, Gwen?
Hey, it's MJ.
Have you seen Harry?
His butler said he left
home hours ago,
but he's beyond late
and he's not answering
his Osberry.
Sorry, I haven't
seen him all day.
But he's so excited
about the show.
I'm sure he'll be there.
[PHONE RINGING] VOICEMAIL: It's Pete.
Message me.
Hi, Petey. Just a little
reminder about the play.
Since Mark,
uh, can't be here,
I really need
a friendly face in
the seat I saved you.
Next to my parents?
Remember, you,
uh, promised.
DEVEREAUX:
Where is my Puck!
Oh, and call
if you've seen Harry.
COMPUTER VOICE: Alarm
bypassed for maintenance.
[SIZZLING]
All right, little stolen
Osberry, do your stuff.
COMPUTER VOICE:
Mapping vault utilities.
Charting junctures
with pre-existing prison.
If breaking out
is this easy,
then little Felicia
will be one felicitous
felonious feline.
[JONAH CACKLING]
He's been like
that for over an hour.
You got him beat, Osborn.[PHONE RINGING]
[BUTTON BEEPING] Menken, I'm in the middle
of a crucial test here.
What? Fine.[BUTTON BEEPING]
Gentlemen You can't leave now.
You'll miss
the web-head's
glorious humiliation!
No choice.
Urgent OsCorp business.
Besides,
I'm sure I'll read
all about Spider-Man
in tomorrow's Bugle.
Story's already written, Norm.
Jonah must be
dancing a jig by now.
And who can blame him?
I've checked every
inch of this cell.
It's seamless.
I want the vault
to be escape-proof.
But,
it sure would be sweet to see
the look on the Jolly One's
face if I escaped.
I can't play
jailbird forever, though.
In a few minutes,
I'll either have
to make my move
or ask to be released.
If I miss Liz's play,
I might as well settle
in here permanently.
'Cause I'll never
get out of the doghouse.
Hello, Mr. Allan.
Mrs. Allan.
Hmm, I see
Liz's boyfriend
hasn't arrived.
Ms. Stacy. Oh, Houseman.
I thought Harry saved
these seats for
his mom and dad.
I'm afraid
Master Harry's parents
are otherwise occupied.
[SIGHING] I just hope
Harry isn't otherwise
occupied.
DEVEREAUX:
Mr. Osborn's
still a no-show.
Which leaves us
with only one option:
I must play
the Puck myself!
Or Hobie could do it.
Mr. Brown?
He knows the role?
He knows it cold.
I saw him play it at the
Lincoln Dynamic Youth Center.
Plus he subbed
for Osborn on
the gridiron.
Compared to that,
this'll be a snap.
A snap, hmm
Well, the muses know
I didn't want
to take the stage.
To the dressing room, Brown!
You are now that
"shrewd and knavish
sprite." Go!
What's he up to? He's making his move.
What move?
He still can't get out.
And my men will
Be here any second.
Gotta book.
[EXPLOSION] MAN: Releasing
tranq-gas into the cell.
We're in position. [BUTTON BEEPING]
Sir, I don't see
the prisoner.
Opening the inner door!
Move in!
Wha[BOTH GRUNTING]
All right, Spidey,
we know you're in there.
I wouldn't poke
that if I were you.
[BOTH GASPING, COUGHING]
Told 'em not to poke that.
Oh, and Picklepuss?
Ta-da!
[SPUTTERING] Warden,
if the web-head's
not back behind bars
in 6.2 seconds, I'llCalm down, Jameson.
Getting out of
the cell was only
half the battle.
Lockdown!
Gas every corridor.
Sir, the gas,
it won't activate.
Why isn't that gate closed?
What part of "lockdown"
didn't you understand?
Sir, I hit the command
sequence. All vault gates
should be closed.
Nothing's responding. You've been hacked, Warden.
Your men are no longer
in electronic control
of the prison.
Then we'll regain control
the old fashioned way.
All officers, mobilize.
Code Red.
[BUTTONS BEEPING] We're locked in!
[MEN GRUNTING, STRUGGLING]
Every single one of
my men are trapped
inside their stations.
[SPUTTERING] But, but
How did the web-head do it?
[BUTTONS BEEPING]
With guards wrapped up
all neat and tidy,
I help,
or herd,
my dear friend Spidey.
I'm in a rhyming mood tonight.
Surprised they haven't
caught me yet.
[BUTTONS BEEPING]
This must be my floor.
[GRUNTING]
PRISONER: Hey, look.
It's Spider-Man!
Well, if it isn't Fancy Dan
and his little pal Ox.
[CHUCKLING]
Where's Montana? MONTANA: Right here, bug.
And rooming with
the not-so-mysterious
Mysterio, I see.
How's that working out
for you?
Open up these here
cell doors, and
we'll show ya.
Tempting, tempting,
but no.
So you just
stopped by to gloat?
Well, I was
in the neighborhood.
So how could
I resist tormenting
all the crooks,
thugs and hoods
I put away? [CACKLING]
[BUTTON BEEPING] [GATES OPENING]
You know, maybe "torment"
was a poor choice of words.
Finally, we're
getting started.
Godspeed, fair Helena.
Call you me fair?
That fair again unsay!
Demetrius loves your fair
O, teach me with what art
you sway the motion
of Demetrius' heart.
MARY JANE: Take comfort.
He no more shall
see my face
Take him! He can't
stop all of us!
Now, now, boys,
no pushing, no shoving.
Single file is
the polite way
to attack the hero.
[YELLING]
Gracious. Who'd have
guessed convicted felons
could be so unmannerly?
We're wasting
an opportunity.
Enforcers, we need
to get organized!
You got yourself
a posse, Silvermane.
And then some.
See, you learn a lot
about a guy sharing a cell [BUTTON BEEPING]
Like whether
or not he's human.
Ah, man, I knew
he was a bot!
Now, we're gettin' somewhere.
Now what? Hi, Daddy.
SPIDER-MAN: Not sure why
the cavalry hasn't arrived,
but I better play keep away
until I come up with,
I don't know, a plan?
Rematch, rematch!The web-head,
we'll shred.
Johnny needs new shoes!
I hate these guys!
[CREATURES SQUEAKING]JAMESON: I love these guys.
Someone should
give 'em their
own show!
Jonah, you can't
seriously be rooting
against Spider-Man.
He's our only hope
of regaining control
of the prison.
Well? I'm thinking,
I'm thinking.
Felicia Hardy,
what were you thinking?
That my father shouldn't
be rotting away in prison.
And what if
you got caught?
The last thing I want
is my daughter winding up
in Rykers Ladies Wing.
Besides, your timing
couldn't be worse.
New York's Most Wanted
currently controls the prison
and they're trying
to exterminate
Spider-Man.
Spider-Man? Here?
[CREATURES SQUEAKING]
Missed. Drat!
Jazz hands!
Knew tearin' and weavin'
all them sheets together
was time well spent.
Spider-sense
tingling non-stop.
Can't grok where
the next [FOOTSTEPS]
[GROANING]
[GRUNTING]
Hold him, Ox.
I need the workout.
Oh, boys?
Is Spidey really
the best dance
partner available?
Felicia, have you
lost your mind,
or just forgotten
everything I ever
taught you?
What can I say?
I've got a little crush.
It's a chick.
Here.
Brilliant deduction,
Sherlock!
What was your
first clue, Spidey?
The voice, the hair,
or just the way
I make you feel?
[GRUNTING]
[GROANING]
[GROANING]
[GRUNTING]
The door'sfighting me.
That'll buy us
some time at least.
FLASH: The raging rocks,
and shivering shocks,
shall break the locks
of prison-gates!
We will meet,
and there we may rehearse
most obscenely
and courageously.
[GASPS] Take pains,
be perfect Adieu!
How now, spirit!
Whither wander you?
Over hill, over dale,
through bush, through briar.
Over park, over pale,
through flood, through fire.
I do wander everywhere,
swifter than
the moon's sphere.
But either
I mistake your shape
and making quite
or else you are
that shrewd
and knavish sprite.
Are you not he
that frights the maidens
of the villagery?
Misleads night-wanderers,
laughing at their harm?
Those that goblin
call you,
and sweet Puck.
Are you not he?
Thou speak'st aright.
I am that merry
wanderer of the night.
So Goblin wasn't
the only sprite
to use the vault
for mischief tonight.
But if Spider thinks
Cat evens his odds
Gobby'll open
a few more pods.
Okay, what's going on?
GREEN GOBLIN [ON P.A.]:
The Goblin's your savior.
You owe him a favor.
Spidey's trapped
in the prison.
Put him out of commission.
The web-creep's here?
Why would I do
your dirty work, Goblin?
I'm already in prison!
What else can
you do to me?
GREEN GOBLIN: Oh, just
to be perverse,
I'll activate your curse.
To prevent it getting worse,
put the web-head in a hearse.
SILVERMANE:
Get that cell open now!
Cat, you're a sight
for sore eyes.
My curative powers
aren't limited
to the eyes
Don't start.
What are you doing here?
Oh, you won't like it,
Boy Scout
Cat, don't. But I'm here
to bust out my dad.
Spider-Man,
meet Walter Hardy,
aka the Cat Burglar.
That face
[GUNSHOT]
SPIDER-MAN: Black Cat's
father murdered Uncle Ben.
Ill met by moonlight
And never met we.
But with thy brawls
thou has disturb'd
our sport.
LIZ: As in revenge,
the ox hath therefore
stretch'd his yoke in vain.
Tricky webbing. Sticky webbing.
And tasty, too!
Web-creep in there?
Then move it,
pipsqueak!
[ROARING]
SPIDER-MAN: Just so you know,
there's no way I'm letting
you bust this guy out.
Says the spider
desperate for
the kitty-cat's help.
Not that desperate.
Never that desperate.
Gee, Dad. What'd
you do to this guy?
Do it, kid.
Now.
A simple trade, swinger.
I help you get
the prison
under control,
and you look
the other way
for Walter.
Do you have any idea
what happened
the last time I looked
the other way for Walter?
[CLEARING THROAT]
Is it getting
warm in here?
GLORY: Weaving spiders,
come not here.
Hence you long-legg'd
spinners, hence!
[BRAYING]
[SIGHING] I pray thee,
gentle mortal,
sing again.
Mine ear is much
enamor'd of thy note.
And thy fair virtue's force
doth move me to swear
I love thee.
Methinks, mistress,
you should have
little reason for that.
Uh I beseech
your worship's name?
GLORY: Cobweb.
Where are we? Back in the vault.
These tanks hold
the prison's tranq-gas.
Can you activate them?
Spread the gas
throughout the prison?
Don't you think
the warden would
have tried that?
Sorry, Swinger,
but someone needs to
lure the cons here,
seal them in
and manually open
the tanks.
But whoever did
that would be trapped
inside with
Exactly.
And would a hero
like you allow anyone
else to take that risk?
Shall we their
fond pageant see?
Lord, what fools
these mortals be!
Send the little guy in,
I tell ya.
I only take orders
from primates!
[PARKER CLEARING THROAT]
Any of you misbegotten
malcontents misplace
an extremely
handsome web-slinger?
I think the clever turn
of phrase you're looking
for is, "Get him."
ALL: Get him! Pistachio!
[GREEN GOBLIN GIGGLING]
Up and down, up and down,
I will lead them up and down.
I am fear'd in field and town!
Goblin, lead them up and down.
Can't escape Homunculi! Trapped!
Limited time offer!
SPIDER-MAN: Monsieur Cobweb,
get you your weapons
in your hand.
[SCREECHING] Curses!
CREATURE: Foiled again!
Non sequitur.
Non sequitur! Non
And you guys got
to take the shortcut?
Now how is that fair?
Hey, Molten Man,
bet you can't hit me
from there with a lava ball.
I'll take that bet!
[GROANING]
[SPIDER-MAN CHUCKLING]
Sucker!
Where'd that bug
get to now?
SPIDER-MAN: Ah, I never
tire of hearing that.
Sweet dreams, cellmates.
Is he kidding?
No door stops
Rhino for long.
HARDY:
I won't need long.
[GAS HISSING]
[ENGINE STARTING]
For years, the Cat Burglar
took pride in never
hurting anyone.
I never even carried a gun.
But as I got older,
I got slower
and I became afraid.
I made a horrible mistake
the night I ended
Ben Parker's life,
and I know I have
to pay for my crime.
So I'll turn on the gas.
That won't make us even.
You're not forgiven.
I understand. Well, I don't!
Dad
HARDY:
I'm sorry, Felicia.
[GAS HISSING][ALL COUGHING]
HARDY: But right now,
prison's where I need to be.
[GROWLING] An entire
penitentiary full
of Spider-haters,
and still he escapes.
Well, fine.
Gobby's done using
surrogate squashers
And rhyme schemes.
[SIGHING] Feels like
my spider-sense is stuck
in permanent tingle-mode.
Whoa!
[GRUNTING]
[GREEN GOBLIN LAUGHING]
He's back.
The Goblin's back.
Cat, thanks. I
Listen carefully.
I don't know what you did
to infect my father with
your stupid conscience.
But it's your fault
he'll spend the rest
of his life in this hole.
And I'll never
forgive you for that.
Sir, we've regained control.
Gotta hand it to Spidey.
He beat the vault
and took out every
con in the place.
It's a conspiracy,
I tell ya! They're all
working together!
Oh, to what end?
[SPUTTERING]
To raise my blood pressure!
HOBIE: If we shadows
have offended,
think but this,
and all is mended.
That you have but
slumber'd here,
while these visions
did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
no more yielding than a dream.
Else the Puck a liar call.
So goodnight unto you all.
Give me your hands,
if we be friends,
and Goblin shall
restore amends.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]