The Weekenders (2000) s02e12 Episode Script
To Tish
On the traces of Indonesian
hair wax on your collar,
I deduce that you would
like a large pepperoni pizza!
Uhh, that'll be fine.
No pepperoni on my part!
Quickly, Watson!
The pie is afoot!
Hey, it's Tino.
So we were just talking about Chloe
Montez's latest disaster.
She got her head caught in a tuba, and a
fireman had to use the jaws of life.
Her ears totally folded up.
The doctors say she has
to wear a special orthopedic hat!
I know it isn't funny,
but
It is funny!
S'not as bad as the time she got
trapped in the janitor's closet.
Yeah, and she had to eat a mop to survive!
Poor Chloe, labouring under the
baleful weight of perennial calamity!
What?
You lost us.
There she goes.
Tish-ing again!
Uhh, "Tishing"?
Yeah, Tishing!
Like a verb.
"To Tish."
It's genius, Carver.
That's what we can
call it when Tish acts all..
smart 'n stuff!
I don't act smart.
I am smart.
Tino's smart, too,
but he doesn't act like it.
Right.
Oh, wait.
I don't, uhhh..
Are you sayin' that I'm,
I act stupid, or --
See how smart he doesn't act?
Yeah, he hardly ever "Tishes".
Not so loud !
What if other people start saying it?
Forget it.
Yeah, that'll never happen.
Fine.
I shall remain stuck,
in the face of adversity.
Like Cleonthes or Marcus Aurelius.
Tishing again!
"Tishing", huh?
You Tish all the time, Ruby.
Me?
You're the Tishiest Tishy
who ever Tished a Tish.
Damper, popular in Australia, is toasted dough.
Though rock hard, damper
is quite tasty with jam.
But not as tasty as the jam
would be, without the damper.
Actually, I find this crusty pseudo-
bread to be a gastronomic delight!
You are so Tishing!
Did you hear that?
Look what you've done!
It's spreading already.
It's like, if I called
Tino, "Pumpkin Pie",
pretty soon everyone
would be doing it.
Don't sweat it.
This kind of thing never catches on.
You tell her, Pumpkin Pie!
Do not!
Mr. Higginbotham, have you heard that new
Jacques Nouvelle dulcimer piece, yet?
Oh, yes.
It imbues one's soul with a scintillating
nimbus of ethereal bliss.
There I go.
Tishing again.
Check it out.
It's Coach Coulson.
And he's with some woman,
like with her.
Helen.
The crash of the surf reminds me of
nothing so much as the rush of core
muscles through the pounding
ventricles of my lovestruck heart.
I love a man who's not afraid
to show his Tishy side.
Is there anything more disturbing than
seeing one of your teachers on a date?
Yes. There. Is.
You know, I see Moon-mania as a metaphor for man's
struggle against social entropy.
Wow.
Maximum Tish-age!
"Maximum Tish-age"!?
We were one point from a high score!
How could you blow it like that?
I didn't blow it.
You blew it.
You guys all blew it.
You came up with that
stupid slang term, and now I'm
going to be the biggest
laughingstock in Bahia Bay.
Naah.
You'll never be bigger than Chloe Montez.
Maybe this is a good thing!
If people like saying "Tish"
so much, maybe they'll
try to be extra smart
just so they can say it.
It could be a fantastic educational tool!
Pumpkin Pie is right.
You are teetering on the precipice with
that "pumpkin pie" thing, my friend!
"Precipice"?
Man, you are dishing the Tish!
That does it!
I'm going home before
I say something I regret.
Like what?
Like you're a bunch of
insensitive gutter snipes!
She definitely would have regretted that.
Oh yeah.
Good thing she didn't say it.
Fine.
I don't need them anyway..
The president referred
to the Speaker of the House's
statements as Tishing of the worst kind."
"It's Tishtastic!"
"Just Tish it."
"With a Tish rating of --"
"You're watching The-ology Channel."
Oh, my favorite channel.
A little geology or biology will do me
some good.
"Welcome to Etymology Today, the show that
examines the origins of words."
"Today's word is"
Don't be "Tish", don't be "Tish",
don't be "Tish".
" Tish!"
"It is my opinion that 'Tish' is an acronym for
"Teetious Intellectually Superior Haughtiness."
At least they don't think
it has anything to do with me.
I couldn't stand --
"I believe the word derives from
'Tish Katsufrakis.'"
"A 12-year-old girl
in Bahia Bay, California."
Hey!
Coach Coulson and that woman are
still in the exact same spot.
It kind of grosses me out to see
a teacher outside of school.
Like, having a life and stuff?
Yeah, it's creepy.
I like to think they just
unplug 'em after school.
I know exactly what you mean, Pumpkin Pie.
Enough with the pumpkin pie!
Man, it's like you're going, "Tino,
please put these chili fries down my pants."
Okay, Tish should have
been here a half an hour ago.
Maybe we should see if she's at home.
She might still be cheesed
off about the whole "Tish" thing.
Oh, she's being too sensitive.
I mean, it's not that annoying.
Tishy, Tishy, Tishy, Tishy,
woo woo!
Tishy, Tishy, Tishy, Tishy,
woo woo!
It's that annoying.
Come on, Tish.
We said we're sorry.
What do you want us to do?
You want us to cry?
Because I'll go get an onion.
I swear I will.
I don't care what you do!
You started this stupid "Tish" thing, and I
had to change my name or, or something.
I'm never speaking to you again!
But Tish, we --
Just. Go. Away.
She's right.
This is all our fault.
There must be some way
we can make it up to her.
You can make it up to me by
going away right now!
Tishy, my little sweet bean.
Leave me alone.
Petratishkovna, you should not be sad.
You should be happy!
This new word let all peoples know
you "big into lucky tool"!
"Big into lucky tool"?
You mean "big intellectual".
Is what I say.
But mama, it's insulting.
No, no, no.
Insulting is when you say breath is like
back end of goat.
Your friends would never say this,
yes?
They are liking you.
I know, but I used to
think they respected me.
Now I just feel like they're
laughing at me.
Okay, no more mopings.
Mama says is time to fix this now.
I leave you to "kitchen my cup".
"Kitchen my cup"?
Kiss and make up.
Tish?
We..
Guys, I said I was never
talking to you again.
You don't have to talk.
We just brought you some stuff.
Remember this?
It's my first 'A' paper ever.
You ought to remember it, 'cause I never
would have gotten this 'A' without your Tishing.
This is my pool trophy.
I couldn't have won it if you hadn't Tished me up
about how shooting pool is really just geometry.
This is the issue of Outlaw Skater magazine
with my editorial about backside airs.
They never would have printed it if you
hadn't Tished up my grammar.
Don't lose this.
I only have 63 more copies.
We just wanted to say we're sorry.
Yeah.
And even if you think the word "Tish" is
insulting, we think it's a compliment.
We're really proud of ya.
And we're grateful for everything you've
done for us.
Well, that's it.
We'll just go now.
Don't go.
Really?
How can I stay mad at you when you're
willing to get totally disgustingly mushy?
I told you it was disgusting.
So, you forgive us?
I guess so.
For was it not Alexander
the Pope who said,
"To err is human.
To forgive, divine."
Yeah, I know.
I'm Tish-ing.
Alright.
Do your final thought thing.
Pumpkin P --
Desist!
Well, I guess we'll be a little more careful
about making fun of each other from now on.
And maybe Tish will be a little less,
you know, touchy?
By the way, I have a feeling this "Tish"
thing is going to go big time.
In fact, let's find out.
Through the magic of the Flash Forward.
Is this the coolest or what?
Later days.
hair wax on your collar,
I deduce that you would
like a large pepperoni pizza!
Uhh, that'll be fine.
No pepperoni on my part!
Quickly, Watson!
The pie is afoot!
Hey, it's Tino.
So we were just talking about Chloe
Montez's latest disaster.
She got her head caught in a tuba, and a
fireman had to use the jaws of life.
Her ears totally folded up.
The doctors say she has
to wear a special orthopedic hat!
I know it isn't funny,
but
It is funny!
S'not as bad as the time she got
trapped in the janitor's closet.
Yeah, and she had to eat a mop to survive!
Poor Chloe, labouring under the
baleful weight of perennial calamity!
What?
You lost us.
There she goes.
Tish-ing again!
Uhh, "Tishing"?
Yeah, Tishing!
Like a verb.
"To Tish."
It's genius, Carver.
That's what we can
call it when Tish acts all..
smart 'n stuff!
I don't act smart.
I am smart.
Tino's smart, too,
but he doesn't act like it.
Right.
Oh, wait.
I don't, uhhh..
Are you sayin' that I'm,
I act stupid, or --
See how smart he doesn't act?
Yeah, he hardly ever "Tishes".
Not so loud !
What if other people start saying it?
Forget it.
Yeah, that'll never happen.
Fine.
I shall remain stuck,
in the face of adversity.
Like Cleonthes or Marcus Aurelius.
Tishing again!
"Tishing", huh?
You Tish all the time, Ruby.
Me?
You're the Tishiest Tishy
who ever Tished a Tish.
Damper, popular in Australia, is toasted dough.
Though rock hard, damper
is quite tasty with jam.
But not as tasty as the jam
would be, without the damper.
Actually, I find this crusty pseudo-
bread to be a gastronomic delight!
You are so Tishing!
Did you hear that?
Look what you've done!
It's spreading already.
It's like, if I called
Tino, "Pumpkin Pie",
pretty soon everyone
would be doing it.
Don't sweat it.
This kind of thing never catches on.
You tell her, Pumpkin Pie!
Do not!
Mr. Higginbotham, have you heard that new
Jacques Nouvelle dulcimer piece, yet?
Oh, yes.
It imbues one's soul with a scintillating
nimbus of ethereal bliss.
There I go.
Tishing again.
Check it out.
It's Coach Coulson.
And he's with some woman,
like with her.
Helen.
The crash of the surf reminds me of
nothing so much as the rush of core
muscles through the pounding
ventricles of my lovestruck heart.
I love a man who's not afraid
to show his Tishy side.
Is there anything more disturbing than
seeing one of your teachers on a date?
Yes. There. Is.
You know, I see Moon-mania as a metaphor for man's
struggle against social entropy.
Wow.
Maximum Tish-age!
"Maximum Tish-age"!?
We were one point from a high score!
How could you blow it like that?
I didn't blow it.
You blew it.
You guys all blew it.
You came up with that
stupid slang term, and now I'm
going to be the biggest
laughingstock in Bahia Bay.
Naah.
You'll never be bigger than Chloe Montez.
Maybe this is a good thing!
If people like saying "Tish"
so much, maybe they'll
try to be extra smart
just so they can say it.
It could be a fantastic educational tool!
Pumpkin Pie is right.
You are teetering on the precipice with
that "pumpkin pie" thing, my friend!
"Precipice"?
Man, you are dishing the Tish!
That does it!
I'm going home before
I say something I regret.
Like what?
Like you're a bunch of
insensitive gutter snipes!
She definitely would have regretted that.
Oh yeah.
Good thing she didn't say it.
Fine.
I don't need them anyway..
The president referred
to the Speaker of the House's
statements as Tishing of the worst kind."
"It's Tishtastic!"
"Just Tish it."
"With a Tish rating of --"
"You're watching The-ology Channel."
Oh, my favorite channel.
A little geology or biology will do me
some good.
"Welcome to Etymology Today, the show that
examines the origins of words."
"Today's word is"
Don't be "Tish", don't be "Tish",
don't be "Tish".
" Tish!"
"It is my opinion that 'Tish' is an acronym for
"Teetious Intellectually Superior Haughtiness."
At least they don't think
it has anything to do with me.
I couldn't stand --
"I believe the word derives from
'Tish Katsufrakis.'"
"A 12-year-old girl
in Bahia Bay, California."
Hey!
Coach Coulson and that woman are
still in the exact same spot.
It kind of grosses me out to see
a teacher outside of school.
Like, having a life and stuff?
Yeah, it's creepy.
I like to think they just
unplug 'em after school.
I know exactly what you mean, Pumpkin Pie.
Enough with the pumpkin pie!
Man, it's like you're going, "Tino,
please put these chili fries down my pants."
Okay, Tish should have
been here a half an hour ago.
Maybe we should see if she's at home.
She might still be cheesed
off about the whole "Tish" thing.
Oh, she's being too sensitive.
I mean, it's not that annoying.
Tishy, Tishy, Tishy, Tishy,
woo woo!
Tishy, Tishy, Tishy, Tishy,
woo woo!
It's that annoying.
Come on, Tish.
We said we're sorry.
What do you want us to do?
You want us to cry?
Because I'll go get an onion.
I swear I will.
I don't care what you do!
You started this stupid "Tish" thing, and I
had to change my name or, or something.
I'm never speaking to you again!
But Tish, we --
Just. Go. Away.
She's right.
This is all our fault.
There must be some way
we can make it up to her.
You can make it up to me by
going away right now!
Tishy, my little sweet bean.
Leave me alone.
Petratishkovna, you should not be sad.
You should be happy!
This new word let all peoples know
you "big into lucky tool"!
"Big into lucky tool"?
You mean "big intellectual".
Is what I say.
But mama, it's insulting.
No, no, no.
Insulting is when you say breath is like
back end of goat.
Your friends would never say this,
yes?
They are liking you.
I know, but I used to
think they respected me.
Now I just feel like they're
laughing at me.
Okay, no more mopings.
Mama says is time to fix this now.
I leave you to "kitchen my cup".
"Kitchen my cup"?
Kiss and make up.
Tish?
We..
Guys, I said I was never
talking to you again.
You don't have to talk.
We just brought you some stuff.
Remember this?
It's my first 'A' paper ever.
You ought to remember it, 'cause I never
would have gotten this 'A' without your Tishing.
This is my pool trophy.
I couldn't have won it if you hadn't Tished me up
about how shooting pool is really just geometry.
This is the issue of Outlaw Skater magazine
with my editorial about backside airs.
They never would have printed it if you
hadn't Tished up my grammar.
Don't lose this.
I only have 63 more copies.
We just wanted to say we're sorry.
Yeah.
And even if you think the word "Tish" is
insulting, we think it's a compliment.
We're really proud of ya.
And we're grateful for everything you've
done for us.
Well, that's it.
We'll just go now.
Don't go.
Really?
How can I stay mad at you when you're
willing to get totally disgustingly mushy?
I told you it was disgusting.
So, you forgive us?
I guess so.
For was it not Alexander
the Pope who said,
"To err is human.
To forgive, divine."
Yeah, I know.
I'm Tish-ing.
Alright.
Do your final thought thing.
Pumpkin P --
Desist!
Well, I guess we'll be a little more careful
about making fun of each other from now on.
And maybe Tish will be a little less,
you know, touchy?
By the way, I have a feeling this "Tish"
thing is going to go big time.
In fact, let's find out.
Through the magic of the Flash Forward.
Is this the coolest or what?
Later days.