Top Gear (US) s02e12 Episode Script
Continental Divide
Now on Top Gear.
We cross the Continental Divide Look at that! On an epic journey to find America's toughest minivan.
Oh! Don't push me sideways! Don't push me sideways! Foust: The majestic Rocky Mountains, home to 14,000-foot peaks and deep, impenetrable valleys.
This 3,000-mile mountain range represents one of the most formidable barriers on earth, yet the first pioneers somehow made their way across this hellish, bear-infested wilderness in nothing more than covered wagons, seeking their fortunes on the other side.
So, how did they manage it? To find out, we decided to retrace their footsteps, using the modern equivalent of the covered wagon The minivan.
Now, this is a '99 Chevy Astro minivan.
And if I'm gonna take a voyage into the treacherous Rocky Mountains, it's gonna be in an all-wheel drive with six screaming cylinders and something built on a truck frame.
I mean, there really is no other choice.
[Horn honks.]
[Laughs.]
And then this drives up.
Huh? 2001 Chrysler Town & Country.
The worst minivan ever made.
Oh, I disagree, my friend.
Ferrara: The year this was made, it was voted the most luxurious minivan you could buy.
It also has all-wheel drive and 215 horsepower.
How much horsepower do you have in there? - A blazing 190.
- You bet.
Do you have all-wheel drive? - I sure do.
- Does it work? - Yes.
- Ah.
This is a car that a woman named Nancy would own.
Really? This is a Town & Country.
This is versatile.
You could drive it in town or in the country.
It says it right there in the name.
What do you think Tanner got? Something totally inappropriate.
Did you hear an Amber alert? Oh, gosh.
That's right The Aerostar.
It is a manual, 6-cylinder, rear-wheel-drive, drift machine.
You thought that was a good idea in the mountains? Hell, yes.
If I'm gonna have to drive a minivan Uh-huh.
Which is the bane of the automotive existence, I am gonna actually drive it with a manual and some drifting.
All I want to know is, what are we gonna do with these things? Well, I'll tell you.
"To find out which of your modern-day covered wagons "is the most versatile, "you will cross the Rockies on a pioneer trail, "enduring a series of challenges on the way.
Your first challenge is 8 miles from here.
" I wish I had rear-wheel drive so I could just dig a hole.
Me too.
Unfortunately, all we've got's all-wheel drive.
Yeah.
You'll be fine, though.
Good luck.
I'm gonna have fun, at least As much fun as you can have in a covered wagon.
Wood: Our journey would take us 200 miles up and over the Rockies.
The first 150 miles would be on road.
Then we'd be going off-road for another 50, driving deep into the wilderness, cresting the Continental Divide at 12,000 feet, and then descending to cross a frigid alpine lake.
Along the way, our minivans would have to brave snow-covered mule trails with steep drop-offs that would leave jeeps begging for mercy.
All in all, this was gonna be the ultimate test of our covered wagons.
Our first challenge was at an ice rink.
[Horn blares.]
Oh! And this is Adam crashing.
Uh-oh! Whoa! Don't hit me.
Don't kill me.
No! Oh, oh, oh! Whoa, Rut! Oh! Covered wagons needed to be vehicles suitable for all conditions, so to see how well our modern-day versions handled ice Oh, no, I ripped the shift knob off! We'd compete in a classic winter sport Minivan curling.
We had to accelerate up to the blue line, then brake and slide.
Whichever minivan got closest to the cooler would win.
That's why I'm not gonna run.
Morons on ice.
All right, Adam.
This is it.
I'm just gonna mat it, brake, turn, and hope.
That's my plan.
If he starts to hit us, throw me over the wall.
Here we go.
All right.
Come on in.
Blue line.
Oh, my gosh, it's a lot of speed.
Oh, there he is.
Oh, no! Oh, he's gonna hit it.
Is he gonna hit it? Is he gonna [Laughs.]
Wait a minute.
He's pushed it all the way against the wall.
Where is it? Where's the barrel? It's pretty much under your bumper.
My Astro was up next.
And although winning was obviously important, what was more exciting was the opportunity to drive on ice, at speed, toward Adam.
Oh, oh! Ah, this isn't good.
Foust: Hold on! [Crash.]
Yeah.
[Chuckles.]
I'm so sorry! No, you're not! Foust: I was up next, and this was my chance to show them that my rear-wheel-drive minivan could beat their all-wheel-drive minivans on ice.
Wood: Here it comes.
Oh, geez.
Oh, he's coming backwards.
Ferrara: Oh, look at that! Look at that! Look at that! Come on! Go, go, go, go! No! Yes! You are kidding! All right, measure it up.
No, we don't need to measure it.
You won.
Look how close it is.
We should just verify the exact distance.
- Yeah, you should.
[Lid rattles.]
Doesn't look like you're that close now.
Wood: Playtime was over, and it was time to begin our climb towards the Continental Divide.
We'd eventually be leaving pavement and heading high into the wilderness.
And I was confident I'd made the right choice.
Now, this little gem of an Astro has 143,000 miles on it I assume pampered miles, as most minivans are.
Probably been to the mall thousands of times.
But I think it's perfect for the tough stuff, too, because it's got good ground clearance.
It's got a nice all-wheel-drive system.
It's got good power.
It's very comfortable.
Seems like the perfect minivan.
Ferrara: The Town & Country A direct descendant of the original minivan.
See, this is the perfect minivan for going off-road.
I got plenty of power.
I have all-wheel drive.
Great.
I don't have a lot of ground clearance, and I have a bad history with driveshafts and axles snapping when we go off-road.
We should be a little more conservative this time.
We'll see what happens.
I'm gonna be better than Tanner.
He's gonna try and go over the mountains in rear-wheel drive.
He's gonna get stuck, and I'm gonna laugh.
Foust: The thing about the pioneers and about the mountains is it's hard-core.
It's a manual gearbox, straight-up v-6, solid rear axle, Ford Aerostar, hard-core.
That's why this thing is gonna conquer this challenge.
Plus, I have a connection to this van.
In high school, my mom had one.
This was the first thing I ever did burnouts in.
Sorry, mom.
Now, I know that a lot of settlers died when they had trouble with their wagons, but how many people have been driving and texting and just shot off the side of this? Foust: Often.
You see all these rocks laying on the side of the road.
Some big chunks drop on cars sometimes, I think.
No, they don't.
Wood: Have you not seen the 30 "danger falling rock" signs, Adam? I don't like to read when I drive.
Ferrara: As we climbed above 9,000 feet, our minivans were doing just fine.
But Rutledge, not so much.
Oh, man.
Oh, daddy needs some fresh air.
Oh, I'm getting nervous.
My heart rate's elevated.
I think it's the elevation.
Is this elevation making you guys feel a little funny? Do you have a little rocky Mountain high going on? Hey, leave John Denver out of this.
I think so.
I got a little bit of a headache.
And I'm a little short of breath.
Rut, this is probably the only time in your life you're gonna be lightheaded.
- Now, that's funny.
- That was funny.
The pioneers' covered wagons needed to be adaptable, so to find out which of our minivans was the most versatile, our next challenge was to race a quarter-mile to a barn, remove all the rear seats, and race back to the start.
This place is spectacular.
Yeah.
This is beautiful.
Ready? Are there style points involved, though? No.
What if you, like, you know, slide or drift around? The pioneers didn't hang it out, so there's no style points.
You can do whatever you want, but it's not gonna count.
How do you Pioneers, they had Sty Okay.
Let's do it.
Come on.
They had those big belt buckles, and Those were pilgrims.
So, hoping for a good launch.
I hope Tanner gets wheelspin in his rear-wheel drive.
And the air's real thin up here, and it's affecting Rut, so I'm hoping that he kind of like blacks out.
Gentlemen, thumbs up, and 32 1 Go! Good launch.
Oh, that Chrysler's quick.
Here we go.
Tanner's what the hell is he doing back there? Come on.
Get up there.
I'm in the lead! Okay.
Over the crest.
Oh, yeah! And here comes the barn.
Tear it up! [Horn honks.]
Heads up! Foust: I was behind, but that was my strategy.
Oh, geez.
Once I made it to the turn, my seat would simply fall out.
Oh, it didn't work! It didn't work! Ferrara: Coming up, we find out whose covered wagon is the fastest.
Come on! And we go places a minivan should never go.
This is not smart at all.
We were traveling in the footsteps of the pioneers on an epic trek across the Rockies to find America's toughest minivan.
So far, Tanner's Aerostar had won the ice-rink challenge.
And now, at 9,000 feet, we're finding out which minivan was the fastest.
At the halfway mark, we had to remove all the back seats, and my Town & Country was in the lead.
Okay.
Oh, gosh! Oh! All right.
Here we go.
Foust: Adam is done! No way! No! [Laughs.]
He's running away! [Laughs.]
I got a lead on him! Come on! Come on! Tanner could try all he wanted, but I had 25 more horsepower.
[Laughs.]
Oh! This race was all Town & Country.
[Laughs.]
Yes! Town & country, baby! Wood: This altitude is ridiculous.
Did you get all your seats out, Adam? Yes, I did, and I beat you.
I got both of my benches out.
And you lost, as well.
I didn't win, but I don't think it was my fault.
Are you sick? Yeah.
I think I need to stop here for a couple minutes.
I'm not feeling so hot.
What's the matter, Rut? I feel like I've got a really tight hat on, and my feet feel tingly, and my heart rate's up.
Okay.
So, do you want us to go get somebody and send them back with some medicine? I'll be fine.
Y'all go ahead.
I'll catch up.
I'm just gonna Just got to take a minute, get acclimated.
I'll be fine.
We left Rut behind and set out to scout the trail over the Continental Divide.
[Doors close.]
Are you kidding me? This can't be right.
Look at this.
It says, "recommended high clearance, four-wheel drive, short wheelbase.
" We got to get up there in these things? That's that's gnarly.
We're in trouble.
I mean, I kind of have high clearance.
No, you don't.
Come on, girl.
Good girl.
What the hell is that? Have you seen some of the looks on the faces of the jeeps coming up and seeing these minivans here? They come up here, they've been training in off-road driving for weeks and weeks, and they get passed by an Aerostar and a caravan.
Love it.
Love it.
But it didn't take long to find out that the rocks on the trail were a little bit bigger than the speed bumps at the mall.
[Scraping.]
Oh! Oh! Oh, that's a big rock.
Aah! Oh, that hurt.
That hurt.
Oh, my gosh, this looks bumpy.
Oh! Come on! [Beeping.]
Three miles up the trail, my Town & Country decided that this was way too much country.
Come on, honey.
[Beeping stops.]
You stuck, buddy? Yeah.
I'm having all kinds of electrical problems.
Lights don't work.
Windows don't go down.
Poor all-wheel drive car.
We'll put your ABS fuse back in.
Yeah.
And there's two fuses that are burned out.
Here's my question.
See how all the gears are lit up? Yeah, the gear light.
That just happened.
And then the transmission went wacky.
See, I don't think the It's in limp mode, I think.
Can you back it down to someplace flat? So, you know about this limp mode? I've seen a rental car in limp mode before.
You've been in limp mode, haven't you? I've been in limp mode before.
Really? This isn't a good place to be in limp mode.
I'm just telling you right now.
When's it happen? When you're drinking? I think your best shot is to take the negative cable off.
Ferrara: Yeah.
Try to reset the computer Uh-huh.
So that the limp-mode thing goes away.
All right.
Now we wait.
So, anyway, it's pretty beautiful up here, huh? - Gorgeous.
- Yeah.
I mean, this is, like, peak leaf changing.
Okay.
That's long enough.
All right, go see if the Christmas lights - are still on your dash.
- Got it.
[Engine turns over.]
That seriously worked? [Laughs.]
Okay.
Night was falling, and neither of our minivans were enjoying the rough stuff, so we headed back down the trail.
To even have a chance at making it over the Continental Divide, we needed to toughen up our vans and make them less suburban.
The next morning, fitted with off-road tires, brush guards, and winches, our minivans were ready for anything.
We met up with Rut for one more challenge before heading into the wilderness.
He had gotten over his altitude sickness and spent the night making a few modifications of his own.
How does even the Astrovan look kind of cool? It does! Look at it! How you feeling? - Yeah, you doing good? - Much better.
- Man, I drank my weight in water.
- So, there's a missing lake somewhere.
Yeah.
That altitude sickness, it's for real.
All right.
We came out to the ranch.
We're stepping in cow patties.
What are we doing here? Let's find out.
"When crossing the mountains, "settlers had to carry all of their food with them.
"To find out which of your minivans is best suited "to follow in this tradition, you must each transport livestock to market.
" Wait a minute.
[Sheep bleats.]
I think I'm getting the picture of what we're doing here.
"The minivan that delivers its livestock with the least damage to the car wins.
" Come on! Well, I heard a sheep.
Let's check out what else there is.
Sounds more like a goat than a sheep.
We had to somehow get these animals into our minivans.
Tanner chose the goats, I took the pig, and Rut, of course, took the sheep.
Wood: You know what? I'll go first.
Okay.
Do it.
Me and lamb chop are out.
I'll show you guys how this is done.
Let's see it, Georgia boy.
Well, you are humongous.
Humongous.
Hi! H-hey, there! All right, perfect.
Let's go this way.
They smell fear.
Yeah, let's go this way.
That sounds like fun.
It's so big! It's like a horse! Yeah.
There you go.
Don't let my goats out.
There you go.
There you go.
That's good.
You're doing it, Rut.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's go get in the Astro.
I've got a sheep! This is amazing! Come on, come on, come on.
Be cool.
[Bleating.]
I'll stop shouting.
You know what they call these? They call these barn doors, ironically.
Okay.
How much do you weigh? Up! In you go.
Pick it up, Rut.
Yeah, pick up this small horse.
Just lift with your legs.
There you go.
Oh, son of a Darn it! Foust: She bite you? No.
I hear they bite.
They're poisonous.
Son of a [Bleep.]
That is not a very versatile van.
I think the sheep would recognize that.
I've got her! I've got her! I've got her! I don't have her.
I lost our sheep.
[Laughter.]
Ride 'em, cowboy.
You know, you can help.
Nice and easy, girl.
Come on, Alice.
Come on.
Ease her on forward.
There you go.
Ooh, that is a thick coat.
Here, get behind it, Adam.
"Get behind it, Adam"? No.
You get behind it.
Just give it a high-butt push.
Am, lift it! You're lifting it! There it is! There it is! Yes, yes, yes! Get in there! Get in there, kid! Scoot up! Get in there! Yeah! Go, go, go, go, go! [Doors close.]
Shut the door.
No! Hey, beautiful.
You got to be kidding me.
Totally could have done that by myself.
I don't know why y'all kept getting in the way.
[Sheep bleats.]
Yeah.
Coming up, our livestock cause chaos.
And the trail gets steeper as we head towards the Continental Divide.
Don't push me sideways! Don't push me sideways! We were making like pioneers as we blazed a trail through the Rocky Mountains in an attempt to find out which of our modern-day covered wagons was the toughest.
We were halfway through our journey.
And so far, Tanner's Aerostar and my Town & Country had each won a challenge.
But before we began our off-road climb into the mountains, our last challenge was to transport livestock to market.
Ferrara: Gentlemen, let me show you how it's done.
Pigs are smart.
They're like dogs.
You just call them, and they come.
Great.
I'd like to see that happen.
Hey, good morning.
[Grunting.]
Want to go for a ride? Oh, come on! Aah! Oh, you let my goats out! Oh, you little son of a Aah! Ohh! Jazz hands.
No, no, you guys are scaring them.
I need to get them that way.
Come on, come on, come on.
Come on, pig.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Come here.
[Squeals.]
Okay.
Don't puke.
Don't puke.
Holy Jazz hands.
Not that way.
We're going this way now.
[Squealing.]
Goats that way.
[Pig squeals.]
Really? [Grunting.]
Adam, one! Pig, nothing! Tanner rounded up his goats and felt the need to name them.
Get in there.
Help him with Rutledge.
Three.
Adam's about to jump out.
Why did you name your goats after us? I don't have a valid answer for that.
No.
You're gonna have to go in with them so we can close the door.
Get up in there.
Rush them that way.
Herd them in.
Here.
Is this good? No! Is this good? There you go.
Oh, move your leg! No, no, no, no! Don't drop that thing! Don't drop it! God! Come on.
Let's go.
Yeah, let's get out of here.
Pretty nice in here, right? Roomy? Geez, that took forever.
Oh, I smell awful.
[Sheep bleats.]
Holy [Bleep.]
I forgot it was in here! Now all we had to do was deliver our livestock to market 20 miles away.
The minivan with the least amount of damage would win.
Hauling farm animals isn't exactly what I had hoped to do with this minivan, but I think Judy is doing great.
She has gone pee and poop.
Oh, my gosh.
That is so gross.
Ferrara: Tanner, did you get a look at this pig while I was carrying it? Is it a boy or a girl? I think it's a girl.
'Cause I was gonna call it "Sir Francis Bacon" if it was a boy.
But since it's a girl, I think I'm gonna call it "Spamela Anderson.
" All I know is that Adam in here is eating everything, and Rutledge is chewing on the actual van.
Wood: I'm gonna name a dog after you.
It's official.
"Tanner Foust just crapped on the couch.
" "Tanner Foust just humped my leg.
" "Tanner Foust is licking his " [Bleats.]
Rut may have been having fun with his sheep [Bleats.]
Baa! [Bleats.]
Baa! But Spamela was not behaving like a lady.
[Farts.]
Oh, that is so bad.
Oh, it's methane! Foust: Whew, you got some bad breath I'll tell you that.
[Coughs.]
[Bleats.]
Finally, we arrived at our drop-off point.
It's been really nice knowing you.
[Bleats.]
I love you, too.
I love you, too.
[Door closes.]
How's it going? How are you? So, we are just delivering some livestock.
All righty.
Where do we put it? It can go right into this gate.
Okay.
There you go.
Oh, guys.
Come on.
Go, go, go.
Go, go, go.
Watch out.
Adam will just crash right into that wall right there.
Very funny.
Come on.
Come on.
Let's go.
Come on.
There you go.
Come on.
Come on.
All right.
That's a job done for the goats.
I hate goodbyes.
Come on out.
Look how easy it is for you to get in and out.
There you go.
Good girl.
Good girl.
All right.
Here comes the squeal, huh? Yeah, you don't need to open You lost the pig.
No, I, uh I lost the challenge.
I freed the pig.
- You just let it go? - Yes, I did.
Turns out she has irritable bowel syndrome, and I couldn't take it.
You just let it go out in the wild here? Okay.
Winter's coming.
- It knows its way home.
- Bears and coyotes.
Mountain lions.
So, I lose.
I don't care.
Fair enough.
You cash out.
You lose.
Let's see how that sheep did in the back of your Astro.
There's hardly anything.
No! Oh, my God! There's no Are you kidding? How much of that was Judy, and how much was you? One, you guys didn't know, but those are grapes on their way to becoming raisins.
Eat a raisin.
They're not done yet.
If you eat the raisin, you win.
You eat the raisin, you win.
Because then we know.
Have a raisin.
Open up.
Flick it like a booger.
Look, I have very little chance of getting it in there.
It's just a raisin.
No! No! Don't do that! Wood: My minivan may have had a few Raisins in it.
That just gave it more character.
It must have coped better than the Aerostar.
Here's the deal If my floor is not completely coated in crap like yours was, then I win the challenge.
I've lost already, so I'll judge.
Okay.
Hardly any poop at all? Are you kidding me? [Coughs.]
It doesn't smell.
The smell is so strong! They ate the ashtray.
You're gonna mark me down for an ashtray after he has a full layer of crap on the back of this thing? But you have crap, and they ate an ashtray.
I can wash that carpet.
You can't wash that ashtray that they ate.
Okay, you both have crap damage and foul barn smells, but you have permanent damage, so Rut wins.
[Bleats.]
Ferrara: Rut won the livestock challenge, but that had nothing to do with his minivan and everything to do with his way with sheep.
Tomorrow would be the first time off-road and the first real test of each of our minivan's ruggedness.
Getting stuck on a narrow alpine trail at 12,000 feet was not something we wanted to even think about.
The next morning, we set off.
We were only 50 miles from the Continental Divide.
But those weren't the sort of miles our minivans were used to.
Wow! Look at that.
Ferrara: Are you kidding me? There is so much snow up there.
We have to cross that? To get to the Continental Divide, we had to follow an old mule trail, which weaved its way up between the peaks to an altitude of 12,000 feet.
To make matters worse, it started to snow.
This is incredible.
Wood: Oh, don't look over the edge.
Don't look over the edge.
Holy [Bleep.]
Oh, don't die.
Don't die.
Don't die.
Wood: Now, I would not bring a two-wheel-drive minivan up here under any circumstances.
Whoa.
You guys, oh, come on! Dig! [Laughing.]
Whoa! Whoa, that's not good for the vehicle.
Wood: The trail got rockier and steeper.
Adam and my all-wheel-drive minivans were somehow still going, but Tanner's rear-wheel drive was in trouble.
Oh, my gosh, here comes some rough stuff.
Go, go, go, go.
Please don't blow through the windshield on me.
Ferrara: Tanner struggles to get free.
And we attempt to cross an icy lake.
Wood: Oh, my God! That's so cold! Wood: We were retracing an early pioneer trail on a 200-mile journey across the Rocky Mountains to find out which of our covered wagons was the toughest.
So far, each of our minivans had won a challenge, but now the stakes were much higher as we attempted an off-road crossing of the Continental Divide.
Tanner was already stuck.
Skater shoes were not a good call.
He went out of his way to find a rear-wheel-drive manual, and do you know why they're so hard to find? 'Cause they're crap.
I'm getting out to pee.
Foust: Okay.
Please don't blow through the windshield on me.
Ferrara: Keep your head down! Yeah, seriously, right? Mental note Low-gear range is key.
With the automatic, the torque converter can let you drive slowly, but this thing just does not let you go slow.
It's a speed demon, really.
The fact that in the marketing campaign, they actually stood it next to a space shuttle to show the similarity in profile lets you know it's built for speed.
Not really for comfort or for off-roading.
[Sighing.]
Oh, God.
That was brutal.
Ferrara: Let's see.
[Laughs.]
There we go.
You're adorable.
This freaking sucks.
Get back in your truck.
Back in your whatever that thing is.
What? Whatever that is? You mean this rock climber? Okay, we're late.
We're late.
Oh, gosh! No, it's late! Oh, thank you for getting the door.
It's getting cold.
The sun's coming down.
Come on.
Let's go.
[Laughs.]
Let's go to the next place you're gonna get stuck! Ferrara: We continued to climb into the unknown And broke through the clouds into dazzling sunlight that illuminated the full horror of what lay ahead.
Ferrara: Beautiful, isn't it? Wood: Little colder up here.
So, how high do you think it is to cross that? That's 12,500 feet.
It's over the tree line.
That's why it looks bald, and it's deep snow.
Aren't you worried about not having all-wheel drive? No, these tires, this van I think you're trying to hide how nervous you are.
Yep.
I don't know what you're talking about.
This is the best decision I've ever made Choosing the rear-wheel-drive, manual, v-6 Aerostar You're doing that thing where you talk really fast when you're lying.
Let's get on the road.
Come on! Let's do this! I'm psyched! I'm stoked! He's standing in a puddle of his own urine.
It's gonna be great! It's gonna be awesome! You're gonna see how tough the Astro really is.
Holy [Bleep.]
Whoa! Look at those jagged rocks up there.
There's no way a minivan has been up here before.
Keep climbing, fellas! Keep climbing! Wood: We were now at almost 12,000 feet and only half a mile from the top.
But the trail was getting steeper and narrower.
Holy crap, it just drops straight off.
Oh, this is not smart at all.
Uh-oh, back end is trying to slip off the freaking cliff right now.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
[Bleep.]
Wood: Can you try throwing it in reverse, see if you get any traction? I can't back up because I'm right on the edge.
This was a disaster.
There wasn't a worse place to be stuck.
Tanner couldn't drive forward, and his rear tires were inches from the edge.
Adam, any way you can get back behind me a little bit? Not really much.
Can you straighten it out and come back to me? Me? No.
I'll just back straight off the off the cliff, yeah? All right, let me see if I can come in now.
Ready? Come on in.
Come on in.
[Thud.]
Push, push, push.
Rutledge, push.
[Engine revs.]
Go, go, go, go, go.
Go.
Go, go, go.
Don't push me sideways! Don't push me sideways! Wood: Straighten your wheel, Adam! That's it! That's it! Keep pushing! Keep pushing! Oh, you came off me.
Go, go, Adam! Come on.
Keep going, keep going.
It needs to be constant.
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
Gas.
Come, come, come.
Yeah! I got it from here.
All right! Thanks, Adam! Yes! Almost there! This is it! This is it! And nobody died.
Oh, this is awesome.
We've crossed the continental divide in minivans! We are pioneers.
We've taken minivans where they've never gone before, and the Town & Country is clearly the best.
W-w I'm sorry.
What was up here first? What had to be pushed up here? I had to push both of you! No, I had to push him, and you had to push him.
I pushed you.
Because I was pushing him.
It doesn't matter.
The Astro strongest minivan.
Ahh! Somehow, we had managed to cross the Rockies, but we still had a major obstacle left Something the early pioneers feared even more than crossing mountains Crossing water.
Ferrara: Hold on, hold on.
We have to make these vans float across that water? Mine's already pretty lightweight, I'm just saying.
Back in the day, they would caulk the wagon and fjord the river.
They would what? They would do what? The would caulk the wagon.
This is a family show.
They would put caulk in all the holes in the wagon so it would be watertight, and then they would fjord a river, but this is a lake, and these are heavy.
Can you fjord a lake? I don't think you can.
Wait, if we can make modifications, I mean, like the wind is kind of blowing that way.
It's not that far.
Doesn't look that raging.
I got some ideas.
I think I'm good.
Good luck finding your caulk.
Oh, yeah.
Ferrara: We had overnight to prepare for the ultimate covered wagon test, and there could only be one winner.
The next day, with modifications complete, we were ready to enter the icy waters.
What do you think? Foust: Are you kidding me? Like a Mississippi paddle boat.
I found a bicycle.
[Laughter.]
Check this out.
You're gonna paddle your way across? Oh, yeah.
'Cause you've been training so much? Ferrara: Rut, don't take this the wrong way, but I think your machine is severely underpowered.
Do you guys not get it? Look.
It's like a riverboat.
Let me show you.
Get on up there.
Go ahead.
Oh, look He's revving it up! Look at that! He's revving it up! I feel like we're watching from kind of a bad perspective.
Yeah.
This is a strange angle to be looking at.
Tell me I don't look good in this wet suit.
Adam, did you chop the? Yes, I did.
Wow.
You made this van so much cooler.
I found a 7-horsepower motor, so I had to save some weight, so I cut the top off, and I didn't want to be trapped in here if it does go down, so I can make a quick escape.
And then you put old race tires on the side? Yeah.
That's gonna help me float.
You guys, I don't know what you were thinking, but I've gone how the pioneers actually crossed, and that's in canoes.
Buoyancy is what it's about.
But you're gonna sink.
Those have, like, a weight of 500 or 600 pounds.
Excuse me, Sacajawea.
How are you gonna power this beast? I am gonna use the winch, what we already have.
I'm just gonna simply take a rope over, tie it to a tree How much cable do you think you have? So, you're using an electric winch over water with a minivan strapped between two canoes? Yes.
I'm using pedal power.
Smooth sailing right across there.
Okay.
Like I'm crossing the mighty Mississip.
Really? You're sick already, aren't you? I love water.
[Laughs.]
People know one of my greatest hobbies is to be in and around water.
Yeah.
You know what? I'll go first.
I'm gonna just breeze through this.
I'm just ready to knock it out.
Go ahead.
You do it.
All right, Rut.
Yeah? Once your tires touch the water, we start the clock.
Let's do it! Ready, set Go! Go! Yeah! Get it going! Yes! That's it! That's it! That's it! Come on! Go! Time's set! I'm gonna hold my breath.
[Bleep.]
Don't break the wheel.
Oh, that [Bleep.]
Floating now.
He's going! You aren't gonna believe how nice it looks over here! Coming up, we find out which of our minivans actually floats.
Whoo! Wood: Oh, my God.
That's so cold.
We were in the midst of an epic, 200-mile journey over the Rocky Mountains in minivans.
We had all won a challenge and somehow made it across the Continental Divide, so it all came down to this Who could cross a lake the fastest? Lance Armstrong was on his way.
Ferrara: Don't break the wheel.
Foust: He's going! You aren't gonna believe how nice it looks over here! I tell you, you look like a real pioneer up there! It's really well-balanced.
Do you notice he doesn't have a rudder? See you guys later! 1, 2, 1, 2.
The fact that it's still floating is impressive.
Yeah.
You get points for that.
Come on.
Come on.
I really should have thought of a way to turn this thing.
I'm going the wrong way.
Wait a second.
Is he going in? He's made a complete circle.
I'm gonna swim it in! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! That's so cold! Holy [Bleep.]
Holy [Bleep.]
Someone tell me when I hit shore.
Unfortunately for Rut, he ended up where he started, and two minutes in the water was all he could take.
I give up! I surrender! [Laughing.]
It's so cold! [Laughing.]
All right.
This hurts.
I'll see you guys later.
The ice right on his feet.
Oh, my God, that hurts.
Oh.
With the Astro out, it was down to Town & Country versus Aerostar for the title of America's toughest minivan.
Want to race? Go.
Okay.
Got to tighten this.
Get the winch out there.
Come on.
How's that motor going? We'll see you at the finish.
Yeah! Don't sink! Don't sink! Don't sink! Don't sink.
7-horsepower motor.
What a cheater.
It's not cheating! Unbelievable.
The pioneers may not have had outboard motors, but they didn't have electric winches, either, and my plan meant I didn't have to paddle across a lake and tie up to a tree.
Come on.
Almost there.
[Engine turns over.]
There you go.
Good girl.
Good girl.
I was already halfway across, and Tanner hadn't even made it back to his Aerostar.
Working! It's working! The S.
S.
Town & Country had this one in the bag.
[Engine stops.]
Oh, come on.
Don't die! Don't die.
What's up, you cheater? [Muttering.]
Oh, is it not working? I'm sorry.
That's too bad.
Just keep oh, damn it! Damn.
I can't believe I forgot gas.
And then it's just a push-button road to victory.
There we go.
Yeah, baby! That's what I'm talking about! Whoo! Plan b Stroke, stroke, stroke.
My Chrysler had gotten me this far.
There was only 100 yards to go, and there was no way I was gonna let winch boy win.
You shall not pass! Come on! Really? Ha ha! Get off of here! No! No, get off! You're not climbing on here.
Get back on your boat.
You shall not pass! Hey, I'm just gonna go back to pushing my button, okay? [Whistling.]
That's it.
Okay.
Turning left.
You can do it.
Wood: While the other two were playing pirates, I've made it to the other side on foot, just in time to congratulate Tanner.
That's not bad for second place, right there.
Second place? Where's your car? Right over there on the shore.
It was so determined to get here, it made it all by itself.
I can't believe you just left Adam out there.
I think a breeze will pick up.
That's it.
Stroke! Stroke! [Cheers and applause.]
I don't think they realize how cold that water was.
Yeah.
It was really cold, but what I think they do realize is how bad that Aerostar was.
Come on.
And everybody realizes that you two left me out there to die.
[Laughter.]
Okay, I got across the lake with my van first, which was the goal.
I win.
Now, that's funny when you say it like that, because I was actually on the shore, waiting for you with my van, so that means I win.
True.
Your van drifted across on its own.
It made it, plus mine was the best at moving livestock, - just like the early settlers.
- Friendly sheep.
What? You had a friendly sheep.
Okay, listen, listen.
I won the drag race.
And I'm not fighting him on this.
Do you really want to be the guy that chose the best minivan? - Um, no, not if you put it like that.
- Then shut up.
Rut, you win, you are the king of the soccer mums.
Thank you very much!
We cross the Continental Divide Look at that! On an epic journey to find America's toughest minivan.
Oh! Don't push me sideways! Don't push me sideways! Foust: The majestic Rocky Mountains, home to 14,000-foot peaks and deep, impenetrable valleys.
This 3,000-mile mountain range represents one of the most formidable barriers on earth, yet the first pioneers somehow made their way across this hellish, bear-infested wilderness in nothing more than covered wagons, seeking their fortunes on the other side.
So, how did they manage it? To find out, we decided to retrace their footsteps, using the modern equivalent of the covered wagon The minivan.
Now, this is a '99 Chevy Astro minivan.
And if I'm gonna take a voyage into the treacherous Rocky Mountains, it's gonna be in an all-wheel drive with six screaming cylinders and something built on a truck frame.
I mean, there really is no other choice.
[Horn honks.]
[Laughs.]
And then this drives up.
Huh? 2001 Chrysler Town & Country.
The worst minivan ever made.
Oh, I disagree, my friend.
Ferrara: The year this was made, it was voted the most luxurious minivan you could buy.
It also has all-wheel drive and 215 horsepower.
How much horsepower do you have in there? - A blazing 190.
- You bet.
Do you have all-wheel drive? - I sure do.
- Does it work? - Yes.
- Ah.
This is a car that a woman named Nancy would own.
Really? This is a Town & Country.
This is versatile.
You could drive it in town or in the country.
It says it right there in the name.
What do you think Tanner got? Something totally inappropriate.
Did you hear an Amber alert? Oh, gosh.
That's right The Aerostar.
It is a manual, 6-cylinder, rear-wheel-drive, drift machine.
You thought that was a good idea in the mountains? Hell, yes.
If I'm gonna have to drive a minivan Uh-huh.
Which is the bane of the automotive existence, I am gonna actually drive it with a manual and some drifting.
All I want to know is, what are we gonna do with these things? Well, I'll tell you.
"To find out which of your modern-day covered wagons "is the most versatile, "you will cross the Rockies on a pioneer trail, "enduring a series of challenges on the way.
Your first challenge is 8 miles from here.
" I wish I had rear-wheel drive so I could just dig a hole.
Me too.
Unfortunately, all we've got's all-wheel drive.
Yeah.
You'll be fine, though.
Good luck.
I'm gonna have fun, at least As much fun as you can have in a covered wagon.
Wood: Our journey would take us 200 miles up and over the Rockies.
The first 150 miles would be on road.
Then we'd be going off-road for another 50, driving deep into the wilderness, cresting the Continental Divide at 12,000 feet, and then descending to cross a frigid alpine lake.
Along the way, our minivans would have to brave snow-covered mule trails with steep drop-offs that would leave jeeps begging for mercy.
All in all, this was gonna be the ultimate test of our covered wagons.
Our first challenge was at an ice rink.
[Horn blares.]
Oh! And this is Adam crashing.
Uh-oh! Whoa! Don't hit me.
Don't kill me.
No! Oh, oh, oh! Whoa, Rut! Oh! Covered wagons needed to be vehicles suitable for all conditions, so to see how well our modern-day versions handled ice Oh, no, I ripped the shift knob off! We'd compete in a classic winter sport Minivan curling.
We had to accelerate up to the blue line, then brake and slide.
Whichever minivan got closest to the cooler would win.
That's why I'm not gonna run.
Morons on ice.
All right, Adam.
This is it.
I'm just gonna mat it, brake, turn, and hope.
That's my plan.
If he starts to hit us, throw me over the wall.
Here we go.
All right.
Come on in.
Blue line.
Oh, my gosh, it's a lot of speed.
Oh, there he is.
Oh, no! Oh, he's gonna hit it.
Is he gonna hit it? Is he gonna [Laughs.]
Wait a minute.
He's pushed it all the way against the wall.
Where is it? Where's the barrel? It's pretty much under your bumper.
My Astro was up next.
And although winning was obviously important, what was more exciting was the opportunity to drive on ice, at speed, toward Adam.
Oh, oh! Ah, this isn't good.
Foust: Hold on! [Crash.]
Yeah.
[Chuckles.]
I'm so sorry! No, you're not! Foust: I was up next, and this was my chance to show them that my rear-wheel-drive minivan could beat their all-wheel-drive minivans on ice.
Wood: Here it comes.
Oh, geez.
Oh, he's coming backwards.
Ferrara: Oh, look at that! Look at that! Look at that! Come on! Go, go, go, go! No! Yes! You are kidding! All right, measure it up.
No, we don't need to measure it.
You won.
Look how close it is.
We should just verify the exact distance.
- Yeah, you should.
[Lid rattles.]
Doesn't look like you're that close now.
Wood: Playtime was over, and it was time to begin our climb towards the Continental Divide.
We'd eventually be leaving pavement and heading high into the wilderness.
And I was confident I'd made the right choice.
Now, this little gem of an Astro has 143,000 miles on it I assume pampered miles, as most minivans are.
Probably been to the mall thousands of times.
But I think it's perfect for the tough stuff, too, because it's got good ground clearance.
It's got a nice all-wheel-drive system.
It's got good power.
It's very comfortable.
Seems like the perfect minivan.
Ferrara: The Town & Country A direct descendant of the original minivan.
See, this is the perfect minivan for going off-road.
I got plenty of power.
I have all-wheel drive.
Great.
I don't have a lot of ground clearance, and I have a bad history with driveshafts and axles snapping when we go off-road.
We should be a little more conservative this time.
We'll see what happens.
I'm gonna be better than Tanner.
He's gonna try and go over the mountains in rear-wheel drive.
He's gonna get stuck, and I'm gonna laugh.
Foust: The thing about the pioneers and about the mountains is it's hard-core.
It's a manual gearbox, straight-up v-6, solid rear axle, Ford Aerostar, hard-core.
That's why this thing is gonna conquer this challenge.
Plus, I have a connection to this van.
In high school, my mom had one.
This was the first thing I ever did burnouts in.
Sorry, mom.
Now, I know that a lot of settlers died when they had trouble with their wagons, but how many people have been driving and texting and just shot off the side of this? Foust: Often.
You see all these rocks laying on the side of the road.
Some big chunks drop on cars sometimes, I think.
No, they don't.
Wood: Have you not seen the 30 "danger falling rock" signs, Adam? I don't like to read when I drive.
Ferrara: As we climbed above 9,000 feet, our minivans were doing just fine.
But Rutledge, not so much.
Oh, man.
Oh, daddy needs some fresh air.
Oh, I'm getting nervous.
My heart rate's elevated.
I think it's the elevation.
Is this elevation making you guys feel a little funny? Do you have a little rocky Mountain high going on? Hey, leave John Denver out of this.
I think so.
I got a little bit of a headache.
And I'm a little short of breath.
Rut, this is probably the only time in your life you're gonna be lightheaded.
- Now, that's funny.
- That was funny.
The pioneers' covered wagons needed to be adaptable, so to find out which of our minivans was the most versatile, our next challenge was to race a quarter-mile to a barn, remove all the rear seats, and race back to the start.
This place is spectacular.
Yeah.
This is beautiful.
Ready? Are there style points involved, though? No.
What if you, like, you know, slide or drift around? The pioneers didn't hang it out, so there's no style points.
You can do whatever you want, but it's not gonna count.
How do you Pioneers, they had Sty Okay.
Let's do it.
Come on.
They had those big belt buckles, and Those were pilgrims.
So, hoping for a good launch.
I hope Tanner gets wheelspin in his rear-wheel drive.
And the air's real thin up here, and it's affecting Rut, so I'm hoping that he kind of like blacks out.
Gentlemen, thumbs up, and 32 1 Go! Good launch.
Oh, that Chrysler's quick.
Here we go.
Tanner's what the hell is he doing back there? Come on.
Get up there.
I'm in the lead! Okay.
Over the crest.
Oh, yeah! And here comes the barn.
Tear it up! [Horn honks.]
Heads up! Foust: I was behind, but that was my strategy.
Oh, geez.
Once I made it to the turn, my seat would simply fall out.
Oh, it didn't work! It didn't work! Ferrara: Coming up, we find out whose covered wagon is the fastest.
Come on! And we go places a minivan should never go.
This is not smart at all.
We were traveling in the footsteps of the pioneers on an epic trek across the Rockies to find America's toughest minivan.
So far, Tanner's Aerostar had won the ice-rink challenge.
And now, at 9,000 feet, we're finding out which minivan was the fastest.
At the halfway mark, we had to remove all the back seats, and my Town & Country was in the lead.
Okay.
Oh, gosh! Oh! All right.
Here we go.
Foust: Adam is done! No way! No! [Laughs.]
He's running away! [Laughs.]
I got a lead on him! Come on! Come on! Tanner could try all he wanted, but I had 25 more horsepower.
[Laughs.]
Oh! This race was all Town & Country.
[Laughs.]
Yes! Town & country, baby! Wood: This altitude is ridiculous.
Did you get all your seats out, Adam? Yes, I did, and I beat you.
I got both of my benches out.
And you lost, as well.
I didn't win, but I don't think it was my fault.
Are you sick? Yeah.
I think I need to stop here for a couple minutes.
I'm not feeling so hot.
What's the matter, Rut? I feel like I've got a really tight hat on, and my feet feel tingly, and my heart rate's up.
Okay.
So, do you want us to go get somebody and send them back with some medicine? I'll be fine.
Y'all go ahead.
I'll catch up.
I'm just gonna Just got to take a minute, get acclimated.
I'll be fine.
We left Rut behind and set out to scout the trail over the Continental Divide.
[Doors close.]
Are you kidding me? This can't be right.
Look at this.
It says, "recommended high clearance, four-wheel drive, short wheelbase.
" We got to get up there in these things? That's that's gnarly.
We're in trouble.
I mean, I kind of have high clearance.
No, you don't.
Come on, girl.
Good girl.
What the hell is that? Have you seen some of the looks on the faces of the jeeps coming up and seeing these minivans here? They come up here, they've been training in off-road driving for weeks and weeks, and they get passed by an Aerostar and a caravan.
Love it.
Love it.
But it didn't take long to find out that the rocks on the trail were a little bit bigger than the speed bumps at the mall.
[Scraping.]
Oh! Oh! Oh, that's a big rock.
Aah! Oh, that hurt.
That hurt.
Oh, my gosh, this looks bumpy.
Oh! Come on! [Beeping.]
Three miles up the trail, my Town & Country decided that this was way too much country.
Come on, honey.
[Beeping stops.]
You stuck, buddy? Yeah.
I'm having all kinds of electrical problems.
Lights don't work.
Windows don't go down.
Poor all-wheel drive car.
We'll put your ABS fuse back in.
Yeah.
And there's two fuses that are burned out.
Here's my question.
See how all the gears are lit up? Yeah, the gear light.
That just happened.
And then the transmission went wacky.
See, I don't think the It's in limp mode, I think.
Can you back it down to someplace flat? So, you know about this limp mode? I've seen a rental car in limp mode before.
You've been in limp mode, haven't you? I've been in limp mode before.
Really? This isn't a good place to be in limp mode.
I'm just telling you right now.
When's it happen? When you're drinking? I think your best shot is to take the negative cable off.
Ferrara: Yeah.
Try to reset the computer Uh-huh.
So that the limp-mode thing goes away.
All right.
Now we wait.
So, anyway, it's pretty beautiful up here, huh? - Gorgeous.
- Yeah.
I mean, this is, like, peak leaf changing.
Okay.
That's long enough.
All right, go see if the Christmas lights - are still on your dash.
- Got it.
[Engine turns over.]
That seriously worked? [Laughs.]
Okay.
Night was falling, and neither of our minivans were enjoying the rough stuff, so we headed back down the trail.
To even have a chance at making it over the Continental Divide, we needed to toughen up our vans and make them less suburban.
The next morning, fitted with off-road tires, brush guards, and winches, our minivans were ready for anything.
We met up with Rut for one more challenge before heading into the wilderness.
He had gotten over his altitude sickness and spent the night making a few modifications of his own.
How does even the Astrovan look kind of cool? It does! Look at it! How you feeling? - Yeah, you doing good? - Much better.
- Man, I drank my weight in water.
- So, there's a missing lake somewhere.
Yeah.
That altitude sickness, it's for real.
All right.
We came out to the ranch.
We're stepping in cow patties.
What are we doing here? Let's find out.
"When crossing the mountains, "settlers had to carry all of their food with them.
"To find out which of your minivans is best suited "to follow in this tradition, you must each transport livestock to market.
" Wait a minute.
[Sheep bleats.]
I think I'm getting the picture of what we're doing here.
"The minivan that delivers its livestock with the least damage to the car wins.
" Come on! Well, I heard a sheep.
Let's check out what else there is.
Sounds more like a goat than a sheep.
We had to somehow get these animals into our minivans.
Tanner chose the goats, I took the pig, and Rut, of course, took the sheep.
Wood: You know what? I'll go first.
Okay.
Do it.
Me and lamb chop are out.
I'll show you guys how this is done.
Let's see it, Georgia boy.
Well, you are humongous.
Humongous.
Hi! H-hey, there! All right, perfect.
Let's go this way.
They smell fear.
Yeah, let's go this way.
That sounds like fun.
It's so big! It's like a horse! Yeah.
There you go.
Don't let my goats out.
There you go.
There you go.
That's good.
You're doing it, Rut.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's go get in the Astro.
I've got a sheep! This is amazing! Come on, come on, come on.
Be cool.
[Bleating.]
I'll stop shouting.
You know what they call these? They call these barn doors, ironically.
Okay.
How much do you weigh? Up! In you go.
Pick it up, Rut.
Yeah, pick up this small horse.
Just lift with your legs.
There you go.
Oh, son of a Darn it! Foust: She bite you? No.
I hear they bite.
They're poisonous.
Son of a [Bleep.]
That is not a very versatile van.
I think the sheep would recognize that.
I've got her! I've got her! I've got her! I don't have her.
I lost our sheep.
[Laughter.]
Ride 'em, cowboy.
You know, you can help.
Nice and easy, girl.
Come on, Alice.
Come on.
Ease her on forward.
There you go.
Ooh, that is a thick coat.
Here, get behind it, Adam.
"Get behind it, Adam"? No.
You get behind it.
Just give it a high-butt push.
Am, lift it! You're lifting it! There it is! There it is! Yes, yes, yes! Get in there! Get in there, kid! Scoot up! Get in there! Yeah! Go, go, go, go, go! [Doors close.]
Shut the door.
No! Hey, beautiful.
You got to be kidding me.
Totally could have done that by myself.
I don't know why y'all kept getting in the way.
[Sheep bleats.]
Yeah.
Coming up, our livestock cause chaos.
And the trail gets steeper as we head towards the Continental Divide.
Don't push me sideways! Don't push me sideways! We were making like pioneers as we blazed a trail through the Rocky Mountains in an attempt to find out which of our modern-day covered wagons was the toughest.
We were halfway through our journey.
And so far, Tanner's Aerostar and my Town & Country had each won a challenge.
But before we began our off-road climb into the mountains, our last challenge was to transport livestock to market.
Ferrara: Gentlemen, let me show you how it's done.
Pigs are smart.
They're like dogs.
You just call them, and they come.
Great.
I'd like to see that happen.
Hey, good morning.
[Grunting.]
Want to go for a ride? Oh, come on! Aah! Oh, you let my goats out! Oh, you little son of a Aah! Ohh! Jazz hands.
No, no, you guys are scaring them.
I need to get them that way.
Come on, come on, come on.
Come on, pig.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Come here.
[Squeals.]
Okay.
Don't puke.
Don't puke.
Holy Jazz hands.
Not that way.
We're going this way now.
[Squealing.]
Goats that way.
[Pig squeals.]
Really? [Grunting.]
Adam, one! Pig, nothing! Tanner rounded up his goats and felt the need to name them.
Get in there.
Help him with Rutledge.
Three.
Adam's about to jump out.
Why did you name your goats after us? I don't have a valid answer for that.
No.
You're gonna have to go in with them so we can close the door.
Get up in there.
Rush them that way.
Herd them in.
Here.
Is this good? No! Is this good? There you go.
Oh, move your leg! No, no, no, no! Don't drop that thing! Don't drop it! God! Come on.
Let's go.
Yeah, let's get out of here.
Pretty nice in here, right? Roomy? Geez, that took forever.
Oh, I smell awful.
[Sheep bleats.]
Holy [Bleep.]
I forgot it was in here! Now all we had to do was deliver our livestock to market 20 miles away.
The minivan with the least amount of damage would win.
Hauling farm animals isn't exactly what I had hoped to do with this minivan, but I think Judy is doing great.
She has gone pee and poop.
Oh, my gosh.
That is so gross.
Ferrara: Tanner, did you get a look at this pig while I was carrying it? Is it a boy or a girl? I think it's a girl.
'Cause I was gonna call it "Sir Francis Bacon" if it was a boy.
But since it's a girl, I think I'm gonna call it "Spamela Anderson.
" All I know is that Adam in here is eating everything, and Rutledge is chewing on the actual van.
Wood: I'm gonna name a dog after you.
It's official.
"Tanner Foust just crapped on the couch.
" "Tanner Foust just humped my leg.
" "Tanner Foust is licking his " [Bleats.]
Rut may have been having fun with his sheep [Bleats.]
Baa! [Bleats.]
Baa! But Spamela was not behaving like a lady.
[Farts.]
Oh, that is so bad.
Oh, it's methane! Foust: Whew, you got some bad breath I'll tell you that.
[Coughs.]
[Bleats.]
Finally, we arrived at our drop-off point.
It's been really nice knowing you.
[Bleats.]
I love you, too.
I love you, too.
[Door closes.]
How's it going? How are you? So, we are just delivering some livestock.
All righty.
Where do we put it? It can go right into this gate.
Okay.
There you go.
Oh, guys.
Come on.
Go, go, go.
Go, go, go.
Watch out.
Adam will just crash right into that wall right there.
Very funny.
Come on.
Come on.
Let's go.
Come on.
There you go.
Come on.
Come on.
All right.
That's a job done for the goats.
I hate goodbyes.
Come on out.
Look how easy it is for you to get in and out.
There you go.
Good girl.
Good girl.
All right.
Here comes the squeal, huh? Yeah, you don't need to open You lost the pig.
No, I, uh I lost the challenge.
I freed the pig.
- You just let it go? - Yes, I did.
Turns out she has irritable bowel syndrome, and I couldn't take it.
You just let it go out in the wild here? Okay.
Winter's coming.
- It knows its way home.
- Bears and coyotes.
Mountain lions.
So, I lose.
I don't care.
Fair enough.
You cash out.
You lose.
Let's see how that sheep did in the back of your Astro.
There's hardly anything.
No! Oh, my God! There's no Are you kidding? How much of that was Judy, and how much was you? One, you guys didn't know, but those are grapes on their way to becoming raisins.
Eat a raisin.
They're not done yet.
If you eat the raisin, you win.
You eat the raisin, you win.
Because then we know.
Have a raisin.
Open up.
Flick it like a booger.
Look, I have very little chance of getting it in there.
It's just a raisin.
No! No! Don't do that! Wood: My minivan may have had a few Raisins in it.
That just gave it more character.
It must have coped better than the Aerostar.
Here's the deal If my floor is not completely coated in crap like yours was, then I win the challenge.
I've lost already, so I'll judge.
Okay.
Hardly any poop at all? Are you kidding me? [Coughs.]
It doesn't smell.
The smell is so strong! They ate the ashtray.
You're gonna mark me down for an ashtray after he has a full layer of crap on the back of this thing? But you have crap, and they ate an ashtray.
I can wash that carpet.
You can't wash that ashtray that they ate.
Okay, you both have crap damage and foul barn smells, but you have permanent damage, so Rut wins.
[Bleats.]
Ferrara: Rut won the livestock challenge, but that had nothing to do with his minivan and everything to do with his way with sheep.
Tomorrow would be the first time off-road and the first real test of each of our minivan's ruggedness.
Getting stuck on a narrow alpine trail at 12,000 feet was not something we wanted to even think about.
The next morning, we set off.
We were only 50 miles from the Continental Divide.
But those weren't the sort of miles our minivans were used to.
Wow! Look at that.
Ferrara: Are you kidding me? There is so much snow up there.
We have to cross that? To get to the Continental Divide, we had to follow an old mule trail, which weaved its way up between the peaks to an altitude of 12,000 feet.
To make matters worse, it started to snow.
This is incredible.
Wood: Oh, don't look over the edge.
Don't look over the edge.
Holy [Bleep.]
Oh, don't die.
Don't die.
Don't die.
Wood: Now, I would not bring a two-wheel-drive minivan up here under any circumstances.
Whoa.
You guys, oh, come on! Dig! [Laughing.]
Whoa! Whoa, that's not good for the vehicle.
Wood: The trail got rockier and steeper.
Adam and my all-wheel-drive minivans were somehow still going, but Tanner's rear-wheel drive was in trouble.
Oh, my gosh, here comes some rough stuff.
Go, go, go, go.
Please don't blow through the windshield on me.
Ferrara: Tanner struggles to get free.
And we attempt to cross an icy lake.
Wood: Oh, my God! That's so cold! Wood: We were retracing an early pioneer trail on a 200-mile journey across the Rocky Mountains to find out which of our covered wagons was the toughest.
So far, each of our minivans had won a challenge, but now the stakes were much higher as we attempted an off-road crossing of the Continental Divide.
Tanner was already stuck.
Skater shoes were not a good call.
He went out of his way to find a rear-wheel-drive manual, and do you know why they're so hard to find? 'Cause they're crap.
I'm getting out to pee.
Foust: Okay.
Please don't blow through the windshield on me.
Ferrara: Keep your head down! Yeah, seriously, right? Mental note Low-gear range is key.
With the automatic, the torque converter can let you drive slowly, but this thing just does not let you go slow.
It's a speed demon, really.
The fact that in the marketing campaign, they actually stood it next to a space shuttle to show the similarity in profile lets you know it's built for speed.
Not really for comfort or for off-roading.
[Sighing.]
Oh, God.
That was brutal.
Ferrara: Let's see.
[Laughs.]
There we go.
You're adorable.
This freaking sucks.
Get back in your truck.
Back in your whatever that thing is.
What? Whatever that is? You mean this rock climber? Okay, we're late.
We're late.
Oh, gosh! No, it's late! Oh, thank you for getting the door.
It's getting cold.
The sun's coming down.
Come on.
Let's go.
[Laughs.]
Let's go to the next place you're gonna get stuck! Ferrara: We continued to climb into the unknown And broke through the clouds into dazzling sunlight that illuminated the full horror of what lay ahead.
Ferrara: Beautiful, isn't it? Wood: Little colder up here.
So, how high do you think it is to cross that? That's 12,500 feet.
It's over the tree line.
That's why it looks bald, and it's deep snow.
Aren't you worried about not having all-wheel drive? No, these tires, this van I think you're trying to hide how nervous you are.
Yep.
I don't know what you're talking about.
This is the best decision I've ever made Choosing the rear-wheel-drive, manual, v-6 Aerostar You're doing that thing where you talk really fast when you're lying.
Let's get on the road.
Come on! Let's do this! I'm psyched! I'm stoked! He's standing in a puddle of his own urine.
It's gonna be great! It's gonna be awesome! You're gonna see how tough the Astro really is.
Holy [Bleep.]
Whoa! Look at those jagged rocks up there.
There's no way a minivan has been up here before.
Keep climbing, fellas! Keep climbing! Wood: We were now at almost 12,000 feet and only half a mile from the top.
But the trail was getting steeper and narrower.
Holy crap, it just drops straight off.
Oh, this is not smart at all.
Uh-oh, back end is trying to slip off the freaking cliff right now.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
[Bleep.]
Wood: Can you try throwing it in reverse, see if you get any traction? I can't back up because I'm right on the edge.
This was a disaster.
There wasn't a worse place to be stuck.
Tanner couldn't drive forward, and his rear tires were inches from the edge.
Adam, any way you can get back behind me a little bit? Not really much.
Can you straighten it out and come back to me? Me? No.
I'll just back straight off the off the cliff, yeah? All right, let me see if I can come in now.
Ready? Come on in.
Come on in.
[Thud.]
Push, push, push.
Rutledge, push.
[Engine revs.]
Go, go, go, go, go.
Go.
Go, go, go.
Don't push me sideways! Don't push me sideways! Wood: Straighten your wheel, Adam! That's it! That's it! Keep pushing! Keep pushing! Oh, you came off me.
Go, go, Adam! Come on.
Keep going, keep going.
It needs to be constant.
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
Gas.
Come, come, come.
Yeah! I got it from here.
All right! Thanks, Adam! Yes! Almost there! This is it! This is it! And nobody died.
Oh, this is awesome.
We've crossed the continental divide in minivans! We are pioneers.
We've taken minivans where they've never gone before, and the Town & Country is clearly the best.
W-w I'm sorry.
What was up here first? What had to be pushed up here? I had to push both of you! No, I had to push him, and you had to push him.
I pushed you.
Because I was pushing him.
It doesn't matter.
The Astro strongest minivan.
Ahh! Somehow, we had managed to cross the Rockies, but we still had a major obstacle left Something the early pioneers feared even more than crossing mountains Crossing water.
Ferrara: Hold on, hold on.
We have to make these vans float across that water? Mine's already pretty lightweight, I'm just saying.
Back in the day, they would caulk the wagon and fjord the river.
They would what? They would do what? The would caulk the wagon.
This is a family show.
They would put caulk in all the holes in the wagon so it would be watertight, and then they would fjord a river, but this is a lake, and these are heavy.
Can you fjord a lake? I don't think you can.
Wait, if we can make modifications, I mean, like the wind is kind of blowing that way.
It's not that far.
Doesn't look that raging.
I got some ideas.
I think I'm good.
Good luck finding your caulk.
Oh, yeah.
Ferrara: We had overnight to prepare for the ultimate covered wagon test, and there could only be one winner.
The next day, with modifications complete, we were ready to enter the icy waters.
What do you think? Foust: Are you kidding me? Like a Mississippi paddle boat.
I found a bicycle.
[Laughter.]
Check this out.
You're gonna paddle your way across? Oh, yeah.
'Cause you've been training so much? Ferrara: Rut, don't take this the wrong way, but I think your machine is severely underpowered.
Do you guys not get it? Look.
It's like a riverboat.
Let me show you.
Get on up there.
Go ahead.
Oh, look He's revving it up! Look at that! He's revving it up! I feel like we're watching from kind of a bad perspective.
Yeah.
This is a strange angle to be looking at.
Tell me I don't look good in this wet suit.
Adam, did you chop the? Yes, I did.
Wow.
You made this van so much cooler.
I found a 7-horsepower motor, so I had to save some weight, so I cut the top off, and I didn't want to be trapped in here if it does go down, so I can make a quick escape.
And then you put old race tires on the side? Yeah.
That's gonna help me float.
You guys, I don't know what you were thinking, but I've gone how the pioneers actually crossed, and that's in canoes.
Buoyancy is what it's about.
But you're gonna sink.
Those have, like, a weight of 500 or 600 pounds.
Excuse me, Sacajawea.
How are you gonna power this beast? I am gonna use the winch, what we already have.
I'm just gonna simply take a rope over, tie it to a tree How much cable do you think you have? So, you're using an electric winch over water with a minivan strapped between two canoes? Yes.
I'm using pedal power.
Smooth sailing right across there.
Okay.
Like I'm crossing the mighty Mississip.
Really? You're sick already, aren't you? I love water.
[Laughs.]
People know one of my greatest hobbies is to be in and around water.
Yeah.
You know what? I'll go first.
I'm gonna just breeze through this.
I'm just ready to knock it out.
Go ahead.
You do it.
All right, Rut.
Yeah? Once your tires touch the water, we start the clock.
Let's do it! Ready, set Go! Go! Yeah! Get it going! Yes! That's it! That's it! That's it! Come on! Go! Time's set! I'm gonna hold my breath.
[Bleep.]
Don't break the wheel.
Oh, that [Bleep.]
Floating now.
He's going! You aren't gonna believe how nice it looks over here! Coming up, we find out which of our minivans actually floats.
Whoo! Wood: Oh, my God.
That's so cold.
We were in the midst of an epic, 200-mile journey over the Rocky Mountains in minivans.
We had all won a challenge and somehow made it across the Continental Divide, so it all came down to this Who could cross a lake the fastest? Lance Armstrong was on his way.
Ferrara: Don't break the wheel.
Foust: He's going! You aren't gonna believe how nice it looks over here! I tell you, you look like a real pioneer up there! It's really well-balanced.
Do you notice he doesn't have a rudder? See you guys later! 1, 2, 1, 2.
The fact that it's still floating is impressive.
Yeah.
You get points for that.
Come on.
Come on.
I really should have thought of a way to turn this thing.
I'm going the wrong way.
Wait a second.
Is he going in? He's made a complete circle.
I'm gonna swim it in! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! That's so cold! Holy [Bleep.]
Holy [Bleep.]
Someone tell me when I hit shore.
Unfortunately for Rut, he ended up where he started, and two minutes in the water was all he could take.
I give up! I surrender! [Laughing.]
It's so cold! [Laughing.]
All right.
This hurts.
I'll see you guys later.
The ice right on his feet.
Oh, my God, that hurts.
Oh.
With the Astro out, it was down to Town & Country versus Aerostar for the title of America's toughest minivan.
Want to race? Go.
Okay.
Got to tighten this.
Get the winch out there.
Come on.
How's that motor going? We'll see you at the finish.
Yeah! Don't sink! Don't sink! Don't sink! Don't sink.
7-horsepower motor.
What a cheater.
It's not cheating! Unbelievable.
The pioneers may not have had outboard motors, but they didn't have electric winches, either, and my plan meant I didn't have to paddle across a lake and tie up to a tree.
Come on.
Almost there.
[Engine turns over.]
There you go.
Good girl.
Good girl.
I was already halfway across, and Tanner hadn't even made it back to his Aerostar.
Working! It's working! The S.
S.
Town & Country had this one in the bag.
[Engine stops.]
Oh, come on.
Don't die! Don't die.
What's up, you cheater? [Muttering.]
Oh, is it not working? I'm sorry.
That's too bad.
Just keep oh, damn it! Damn.
I can't believe I forgot gas.
And then it's just a push-button road to victory.
There we go.
Yeah, baby! That's what I'm talking about! Whoo! Plan b Stroke, stroke, stroke.
My Chrysler had gotten me this far.
There was only 100 yards to go, and there was no way I was gonna let winch boy win.
You shall not pass! Come on! Really? Ha ha! Get off of here! No! No, get off! You're not climbing on here.
Get back on your boat.
You shall not pass! Hey, I'm just gonna go back to pushing my button, okay? [Whistling.]
That's it.
Okay.
Turning left.
You can do it.
Wood: While the other two were playing pirates, I've made it to the other side on foot, just in time to congratulate Tanner.
That's not bad for second place, right there.
Second place? Where's your car? Right over there on the shore.
It was so determined to get here, it made it all by itself.
I can't believe you just left Adam out there.
I think a breeze will pick up.
That's it.
Stroke! Stroke! [Cheers and applause.]
I don't think they realize how cold that water was.
Yeah.
It was really cold, but what I think they do realize is how bad that Aerostar was.
Come on.
And everybody realizes that you two left me out there to die.
[Laughter.]
Okay, I got across the lake with my van first, which was the goal.
I win.
Now, that's funny when you say it like that, because I was actually on the shore, waiting for you with my van, so that means I win.
True.
Your van drifted across on its own.
It made it, plus mine was the best at moving livestock, - just like the early settlers.
- Friendly sheep.
What? You had a friendly sheep.
Okay, listen, listen.
I won the drag race.
And I'm not fighting him on this.
Do you really want to be the guy that chose the best minivan? - Um, no, not if you put it like that.
- Then shut up.
Rut, you win, you are the king of the soccer mums.
Thank you very much!