What I Like About You (2002) s02e12 Episode Script
The Incredible Shrinking Group
Oh man! I got custard! I ordered jelly.
I hate custard.
I love custard.
Well, come on over.
Oh, yeah, there you go.
So what are you writing? A letter to Henry.
I haven't heard from him in two weeks.
Okay, it is not in my nature to pry, but why do you want to be friends with your ex-boyfriend? 'Cause we were together for a whole year, and we kind of depend on each other for, you know -- Ooh, a little booty call.
Are you talking about Henry? She didn't like what I said.
Ooh, what did she say? - To stay away from him.
- She told me the same thing about the last guy I broke up with.
He was married and had a restraining order.
I miss him.
I wonder if he's home.
All I want to do is talk to Henry.
You have this image in your head of what it's going to be like when you see him, that you're going to be all pals-y.
Well, I'm sorry, but he doesn't want to be pals with you right now.
I was talking to Lauren.
Fine.
I have a headache anyway.
Ooh, I know what'll help that.
I got you your chocolate-chocolate with chocolate sprinkles.
No thanks.
What? No chocolate-chocolate with chocolate sprinkles? Wait, let me feel your head.
No, I'm fine.
I just don't want any chocolate.
Oh, come on.
Just eat it.
They always make bigger pants.
No, it's -- it's not that.
Something happened.
Come here.
Okay, this does not leave this room, all right? Last night, I ate seven Mounds bars.
Ooh, how are we going to sit on that story? The saddest part is I don't even like Mounds bars.
Every bite, I was wishing it was a Snickers.
You know what you're doing? You're sublimating.
What? There's something missing -- sex -- in your life, And you are replacing it -- sex -- with chocolate.
It's not that.
It's just I don't have a boyfriend, Mounds bar number one.
This month's bills are due, number two, and then I looked at our tiny client list -- number three.
You said you ate seven.
Yeah, those last four were, "Holy crap, I just ate three Mounds bars.
" But you know what? Starting right now, I am going to stop eating sugar.
I will have more energy, I'll be focused, and I won't wake up with chocolate in my cleavage.
I had no idea you were so stressed.
Is there anything I can do? Well, I was thinking that maybe you could do the no-sugar thing with me, you know? It's easier to stop if you have a buddy.
Mm, sorry, babe.
These are my sugar-eatin' years.
You need a buddy? I will be your buddy.
We will stay strong together.
Whenever you need me, I will be there.
No more sugar.
And we will start just as soon as we finish what's in between the girls.
Hey! Uh-huh What I like about you You really know how to dance When you go up, down, jump around Talk about true romance Yeah Keep on whispering in my ear Tell me all the things that I wanna hear 'Cause it's true What I like That's what I like about you What I like That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you Hey! "And furthermore, Henry, "there are so many things that I miss, "but most of all, I miss your friendship, so please, please" -- Please stop.
What? He's right.
I mean, why are you still obsessing over Henry? Now's the perfect time to go after Vince.
I'm just trying to tell Henry how I feel.
I don't know.
I think it's better to just let go.
When Jill and I broke up, she told me she needed her space, and I gave it to her because -- well, she moved to Paris and changed her phone number.
I just don't want to be one of those couples that break up and then never speak to each other again.
I want us to be friends again.
I miss him.
And I bet he misses you, too.
In fact, I bet he misses a lot of things -- your smile, the sound of your voice, his bomber jacket How do you know I have his jacket? Oh, do you? I wonder if he wants it back.
You talked to him? You're secretly talking to him? Not much.
Never.
Except a little.
Okay, I cannot believe that you've been talking to him behind my back.
What did he say? Did he ask about me? Tell me everything that he said.
Well, he said that if you see Holly, tell her I want my jacket back.
Actually, I cleaned up the language a little bit.
Lately that boy's been dropping f-bombs like it's nobody's business.
So I cannot believe that the whole time that I've been worrying about him, wondering if he's okay, you've been talking to him.
That's a really crappy thing to do to a friend.
You're right.
You know what we should do? Cut Gary out of our lives completely.
You know, he lifts right out.
What? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Holly, Holly, Holly, Holly, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here.
Look, you're not really mad at me.
You're mad at Henry.
Really? 'Cause it feels a lot like I'm mad at you.
How would you like it if I were secretly talking to Jill behind your back? Are you? Does she miss me? Can I have her phone number? You know what? I think that you owe me an apology.
No, no, that's too easy.
He betrayed you.
Make him shave "I'm sorry" into his 'fro.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, nobody touches the baby.
Look, Holly, I'm sorry about what happened between you two, but I promised Henry I wouldn't get involved.
You know he's my boy.
Okay, fine.
You know what? You don't have to talk to him.
All you have to do is get the two of us in the same room, and I'll do the rest.
Look, you know I would totally do the same thing for you.
Remember the time that I oh, yeah, what about the time look, you know what? Just do it.
Come on.
Please? All right.
But you didn't hear this from me.
Henry and I will be at the 19th Street Loews, "Love Actually.
" "Love Actually"? Isn't that a chick flick? Yeah, well, I'm testing out my new theory.
See, check this out -- you got a theater full of women sobbing and needy, looking for romance.
The lights come up, there's a couple of good-looking single guys sitting there.
You know what those girls are thinking? "Gay.
" Hey.
You know what? I know this is crazy, but I haven't had sugar in eight hours, and I already feel better.
This no sugar thing is amazing.
Mm, it's the best.
What are you eating? Cupcake.
Lauren, that is filled with sugar.
And now so am I.
I thought we had a deal.
Five days, no sugar.
You were going to be my no sugar buddy.
Yeah, I don't want to do that anymore.
Why'd you even say you would? Well, you were so stressed.
I thought it would make you happy.
No, what made me happy was having someone to go through this with.
This is so typical you.
You can't commit to anything.
You made a promise to me, and you didn't even last two hours.
I can't help it.
Sugar is my pimp! I feel bad for you.
I do, because you know what? I am going to do this.
I'm going to be cleansed, and I'm going to feel energetic and focused and strong, and I'm going to build up the business.
And I might even get a fella.
And you're going to look at me, and you're going to say, "I wish I had done that.
" Ha ha.
You said "fella.
" Fine, you know what? Make fun.
But this is not just about cupcakes.
This is about life.
Your attitude affects everything you do.
It affects your jobs, your relationships, your friendships.
You know what? Here, throw that away.
I want to feel good about myself.
I want to feel like you.
You know what? No more sugar.
I will succeed.
I will do it.
Okay.
How about we see some of that commitment, and you go over there and finish that press release I asked you to proof? Oh, no.
I can't.
I'm too weak.
No sugar.
Where are they? They're supposed to be here by now.
We still have, like, before the movie starts.
You're right, you're right.
Okay, when they get here, how do you think I should handle it? Is it a "Hey, Henry," or do I give him a kiss on the cheek, or a hug, or a hug with a pat, a hug with a rub -- what would you do? No rub.
Okay.
Oh, my God, they're here.
Okay.
I can't do this.
- What? - Look at his face.
Look at him.
He doesn't want to be friends.
He needs his space.
Okay, you know what? What was I thinking? We got to get out of here.
Hide me.
I'm 5'2".
I'll bend.
Come on, let's go.
Tina, Holly.
Oh, yeah, he knows you, too.
What the hell? What are you doing here, seeing a movie? Us, too, huh, Henry? Yeah, what a surprise.
I can't believe you did this.
- Did what, man? - You set this up.
You knew I didn't want to see her.
I set this up? I set this up? How can you accuse me of that? Holly, did I set this up? Yeah.
Okay, I did set this up.
I set it up.
I take responsibility for that.
But she made me.
- Henry, wait.
- Wait, you've done enough.
I'll handle this.
Henry, I'm sorry, man.
Holly, she's -- she's worried about you, and she feels bad about what happened.
Good.
She should feel bad.
Come on, man.
Don't be like that.
She wants to talk to you.
Oh, she wants to talk to me? She should have talked to me when she started having feelings for Vince.
That's what I've been telling her for two months.
I said -- Whoa, uh, two months? You've known about this thing with Vince for two months? I'm sorry, what? You knew about Holly having feelings for Vince.
Holly has feelings for Vince? You knew all along, and you didn't tell me? II'm sorry.
It's messed up.
II didn't know what to do, though.
I mean, you're my friend, Holly's my friend, and -- Yeah, you are my friend, and if this had happened to you, I would have told you.
I wouldn't have let you walk around looking like a fool for two months.
Aw, come on, man.
Damn.
Did you see that? Now he's mad at me.
I know.
I'm sorry.
This is all your fault.
I told you I didn't want to get involved, but you kept pushing me.
Okay, you know what? I'm going to go talk to him.
No, no, no.
Stop talking to people.
You've been so worried about making it right with him, you didn't think about how it would affect my friendship with him.
You know what? Now you don't have me or him.
Oh, my God.
I've never seen him like that.
I know.
Angry Gary is hot.
All I tried to do was stay friends with Henry, and I asked Gary for a little help, but now Henry's mad at Gary, and Gary's mad at me.
And I know that I hurt Henry, and I feel horrible about that, but I was just trying to put everyone back together.
Oh, Holly, what have I been telling you? - Just leave it alone.
- I can't.
Stop trying to fix things.
I know, but I'm afraid that if I don't do anything about it, then he'll disappear, and I want us to be friends.
I understand.
Like I want that cake right now.
But I know that right now, the best thing for me to do would just be to leave it alone.
You're comparing a human being with human emotions to a piece of cake? Henry is a great guy, somebody who I thought I could fall in love with.
Well, I actually am in love with that cake.
Yeah, hey, and -- and I know that going after that cake right now would be the wrong thing to do, because eventually, that cake will have time to sort out its feelings, and that cake will come to me, and we will be great friends again.
Okay, you're just insane.
Of course I am.
I haven't had sugar in 24 hours.
This morning, I stepped in gum, and I almost licked the bottom of my shoe.
Look, I am still smart enough to know that you just have to stop trying to fix things, okay? And leave Henry alone.
Okay, but now it's not just about me and Henry.
It's about Gary and Henry, and I have to try to fix things between them.
You're not listening to me.
Everything was fine between Gary and Henry, okay? Just -- can't you just try to stay out of it? Nah.
I'm going to go to bed, but I hope that you and cake patch things up.
Oh.
Oh, I do love you.
Oh, you're so good.
Hey.
Sit back down.
I want to talk to you.
I can take it from here.
What? Wait.
You knew she was coming here? Does that make you mad? Look, I have nothing to say to you.
Well, I do.
Sit down.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to drag you into this thing between me and Henry.
But I want to make things right between you guys, so you can stay mad at me, but -- Yeah, how are you going to do that? I called Henry, and I told him to meet me here so I could give him his leather jacket.
Yeah, and then you guys can talk.
Talk? Guys don't talk.
And besides, you saw how mad he was.
He doesn't want to have anything to do with me.
Henry, wait.
You're really not getting this, are you? I don't want to talk to you, so stop trying to trick me into doing it.
I didn't trick you into coming here to talk to me.
I tricked you into coming here to talk to Gary.
Look, they tricked me, too, so since we're both here, we might as well work this thing out.
Forget it.
I take my friendships very seriously.
You should have told me about Vince.
That was my fault.
Don't blame Gary for that.
He was actually just being a really good friend to me.
Well, he wasn't being a very good friend to me, and as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing you can say that will make that right.
What if I said, "I'll drink that bottle of ketchup"? Gary, come on.
What are you, 5? This is serious.
You're right.
I'll drink that ketchup, eat 20 pats of butter, drink that maple syrup, and finish up that dijonnaise.
You would do that for me? Okay.
I have officially gone I am so proud of myself.
And it's not just the no sugar.
I am one step closer to actually achieving a goal.
Thank you for making me wake up and discover what it feels like to make a commitment and stick to it.
You know what I discovered? Hmm? They're putting the peanut butter on the outside of the peanut butter cup now.
You cracked? You? I didn't just crack.
I crunched, I licked, I dipped, and I sucked.
I suck.
How could you eat all that sugar? At one point, I unhinged my jaw like a snake.
Ooh.
You know what you're looking at? You're looking at 30,000 calories worth of failure.
All that stuff I told you about focus and commitment and reaching your goals -- it means nothing now.
The only valuable advice I can give you is never chase a Twinkie with a bottle of Yoo-hoo.
Oh.
God, I'm a failure.
Oh, this is so typical you.
You make one little mistake, and all of a sudden, you're a failure.
It wasn't one little mistake.
I must have eaten over 200 Skittles.
And you know what? It didn't help anything.
I mean, I don't have any new clients, II still have a pile of bills, and I didn't get anywhere near a fella.
Well, lighten up.
So you made a mistake.
You cannot always be perfect.
Why? I like being perfect.
It's what I do.
I know it's annoying, and people resent me for it, but it's who I am.
Now I don't even have that.
Who am I? You are my friend, who made me really look at myself for the first time.
Seriously, I changed because of you.
I am going to see something through for the first time, and I feel really good about that.
I guess that is the most important thing.
No, you know what is the most important thing? It's for me to be able to stand here and say to you for the first time since I have known you I'm better than you are I'm better than you are You have big flaws.
Yes, you do.
[ burps .]
Are we cool? Yeah, we're cool.
[ groans .]
Oh.
Save the hugging for later.
I got to go and de-condiment myself.
Hey.
Henry.
Henry.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Hey.
If I drink a bottle of ketchup, will that make things okay between us? Doesn't really work that way.
Fine, go.
But I'm just going to follow you and keep talking wherever you go.
So you might as well just stand here and talk to me.
Okay, fine.
Holly, I really -- I hate not having you in my life.
What I did was horrible, and I wish I could take it back, but I can't.
- No, you can't.
- I know.
What do I expect you to do? Just be pals again and act like nothing happened? - That's what you're acting like.
- You weren't just my boyfriend, you were my best friend.
You are my best friend, and I want you in my life.
And I want -- I know that I'm your best friend, too, which is why this is killing you.
- Look, I just want -- - No, I don't think you do.
- Hey, can I just say -- - When people break up, they always say they're going to stay friends, - but they never do.
- Will you just stop? You want me to talk to you? Okay, I'll talk to you.
Did you ever think for a second about what I might be going through, about what I'm feeling? You know, this isn't all about you.
- Well, I was just trying -- - I know, you want to fix it.
But you can't.
It's not exactly pleasant for me to be around you right now, and I'm sorry if you need to talk to me because you feel bad about what happened.
But stop calling to see if I'm okay.
When I am ready to talk to you, I will.
But I'm afraid you won't.
Listen I do want to be friends with you.
I just can't do it, like, today.
Okay? Okay.
How's tomorrow looking? Everything okay? I think it will be.
Good, good.
Is everything okay with us? I don't know.
You almost cost me a good friendship.
I know, and I'm sorry.
Nah, you don't have to apologize.
But you do have to drink this.
I have enough friends.
So Henry told me that when he was ready to talk to me, he would talk to me.
Isn't that kind of what I told you? I don't know, whatever.
But you know, he was right.
I mean, it was really selfish of me to keep pushing him, and I didn't even think about that.
He just needs his space.
Okay, that is exactly what I told you.
Oh, thank you.
What is that? Chocolate cake.
I ordered it when you went to the bathroom.
No.
No, no, no.
Don't break now.
You're doing so good.
Oh, but you broke down, and I know how much that's bothering you.
It's okay.
I am back on track.
I haven't had sugar in almost eight hours.
Yeah, I know, but that still puts me a day ahead of you, and if we're going to be sugar-free, we have to do it together, so if we eat this cake, we will both be back at square one.
Are you sure? Yeah.
To buddies.
To buddies.
I'm still better than you are I didn't eat any cake
I hate custard.
I love custard.
Well, come on over.
Oh, yeah, there you go.
So what are you writing? A letter to Henry.
I haven't heard from him in two weeks.
Okay, it is not in my nature to pry, but why do you want to be friends with your ex-boyfriend? 'Cause we were together for a whole year, and we kind of depend on each other for, you know -- Ooh, a little booty call.
Are you talking about Henry? She didn't like what I said.
Ooh, what did she say? - To stay away from him.
- She told me the same thing about the last guy I broke up with.
He was married and had a restraining order.
I miss him.
I wonder if he's home.
All I want to do is talk to Henry.
You have this image in your head of what it's going to be like when you see him, that you're going to be all pals-y.
Well, I'm sorry, but he doesn't want to be pals with you right now.
I was talking to Lauren.
Fine.
I have a headache anyway.
Ooh, I know what'll help that.
I got you your chocolate-chocolate with chocolate sprinkles.
No thanks.
What? No chocolate-chocolate with chocolate sprinkles? Wait, let me feel your head.
No, I'm fine.
I just don't want any chocolate.
Oh, come on.
Just eat it.
They always make bigger pants.
No, it's -- it's not that.
Something happened.
Come here.
Okay, this does not leave this room, all right? Last night, I ate seven Mounds bars.
Ooh, how are we going to sit on that story? The saddest part is I don't even like Mounds bars.
Every bite, I was wishing it was a Snickers.
You know what you're doing? You're sublimating.
What? There's something missing -- sex -- in your life, And you are replacing it -- sex -- with chocolate.
It's not that.
It's just I don't have a boyfriend, Mounds bar number one.
This month's bills are due, number two, and then I looked at our tiny client list -- number three.
You said you ate seven.
Yeah, those last four were, "Holy crap, I just ate three Mounds bars.
" But you know what? Starting right now, I am going to stop eating sugar.
I will have more energy, I'll be focused, and I won't wake up with chocolate in my cleavage.
I had no idea you were so stressed.
Is there anything I can do? Well, I was thinking that maybe you could do the no-sugar thing with me, you know? It's easier to stop if you have a buddy.
Mm, sorry, babe.
These are my sugar-eatin' years.
You need a buddy? I will be your buddy.
We will stay strong together.
Whenever you need me, I will be there.
No more sugar.
And we will start just as soon as we finish what's in between the girls.
Hey! Uh-huh What I like about you You really know how to dance When you go up, down, jump around Talk about true romance Yeah Keep on whispering in my ear Tell me all the things that I wanna hear 'Cause it's true What I like That's what I like about you What I like That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you Hey! "And furthermore, Henry, "there are so many things that I miss, "but most of all, I miss your friendship, so please, please" -- Please stop.
What? He's right.
I mean, why are you still obsessing over Henry? Now's the perfect time to go after Vince.
I'm just trying to tell Henry how I feel.
I don't know.
I think it's better to just let go.
When Jill and I broke up, she told me she needed her space, and I gave it to her because -- well, she moved to Paris and changed her phone number.
I just don't want to be one of those couples that break up and then never speak to each other again.
I want us to be friends again.
I miss him.
And I bet he misses you, too.
In fact, I bet he misses a lot of things -- your smile, the sound of your voice, his bomber jacket How do you know I have his jacket? Oh, do you? I wonder if he wants it back.
You talked to him? You're secretly talking to him? Not much.
Never.
Except a little.
Okay, I cannot believe that you've been talking to him behind my back.
What did he say? Did he ask about me? Tell me everything that he said.
Well, he said that if you see Holly, tell her I want my jacket back.
Actually, I cleaned up the language a little bit.
Lately that boy's been dropping f-bombs like it's nobody's business.
So I cannot believe that the whole time that I've been worrying about him, wondering if he's okay, you've been talking to him.
That's a really crappy thing to do to a friend.
You're right.
You know what we should do? Cut Gary out of our lives completely.
You know, he lifts right out.
What? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Holly, Holly, Holly, Holly, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here.
Look, you're not really mad at me.
You're mad at Henry.
Really? 'Cause it feels a lot like I'm mad at you.
How would you like it if I were secretly talking to Jill behind your back? Are you? Does she miss me? Can I have her phone number? You know what? I think that you owe me an apology.
No, no, that's too easy.
He betrayed you.
Make him shave "I'm sorry" into his 'fro.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, nobody touches the baby.
Look, Holly, I'm sorry about what happened between you two, but I promised Henry I wouldn't get involved.
You know he's my boy.
Okay, fine.
You know what? You don't have to talk to him.
All you have to do is get the two of us in the same room, and I'll do the rest.
Look, you know I would totally do the same thing for you.
Remember the time that I oh, yeah, what about the time look, you know what? Just do it.
Come on.
Please? All right.
But you didn't hear this from me.
Henry and I will be at the 19th Street Loews, "Love Actually.
" "Love Actually"? Isn't that a chick flick? Yeah, well, I'm testing out my new theory.
See, check this out -- you got a theater full of women sobbing and needy, looking for romance.
The lights come up, there's a couple of good-looking single guys sitting there.
You know what those girls are thinking? "Gay.
" Hey.
You know what? I know this is crazy, but I haven't had sugar in eight hours, and I already feel better.
This no sugar thing is amazing.
Mm, it's the best.
What are you eating? Cupcake.
Lauren, that is filled with sugar.
And now so am I.
I thought we had a deal.
Five days, no sugar.
You were going to be my no sugar buddy.
Yeah, I don't want to do that anymore.
Why'd you even say you would? Well, you were so stressed.
I thought it would make you happy.
No, what made me happy was having someone to go through this with.
This is so typical you.
You can't commit to anything.
You made a promise to me, and you didn't even last two hours.
I can't help it.
Sugar is my pimp! I feel bad for you.
I do, because you know what? I am going to do this.
I'm going to be cleansed, and I'm going to feel energetic and focused and strong, and I'm going to build up the business.
And I might even get a fella.
And you're going to look at me, and you're going to say, "I wish I had done that.
" Ha ha.
You said "fella.
" Fine, you know what? Make fun.
But this is not just about cupcakes.
This is about life.
Your attitude affects everything you do.
It affects your jobs, your relationships, your friendships.
You know what? Here, throw that away.
I want to feel good about myself.
I want to feel like you.
You know what? No more sugar.
I will succeed.
I will do it.
Okay.
How about we see some of that commitment, and you go over there and finish that press release I asked you to proof? Oh, no.
I can't.
I'm too weak.
No sugar.
Where are they? They're supposed to be here by now.
We still have, like, before the movie starts.
You're right, you're right.
Okay, when they get here, how do you think I should handle it? Is it a "Hey, Henry," or do I give him a kiss on the cheek, or a hug, or a hug with a pat, a hug with a rub -- what would you do? No rub.
Okay.
Oh, my God, they're here.
Okay.
I can't do this.
- What? - Look at his face.
Look at him.
He doesn't want to be friends.
He needs his space.
Okay, you know what? What was I thinking? We got to get out of here.
Hide me.
I'm 5'2".
I'll bend.
Come on, let's go.
Tina, Holly.
Oh, yeah, he knows you, too.
What the hell? What are you doing here, seeing a movie? Us, too, huh, Henry? Yeah, what a surprise.
I can't believe you did this.
- Did what, man? - You set this up.
You knew I didn't want to see her.
I set this up? I set this up? How can you accuse me of that? Holly, did I set this up? Yeah.
Okay, I did set this up.
I set it up.
I take responsibility for that.
But she made me.
- Henry, wait.
- Wait, you've done enough.
I'll handle this.
Henry, I'm sorry, man.
Holly, she's -- she's worried about you, and she feels bad about what happened.
Good.
She should feel bad.
Come on, man.
Don't be like that.
She wants to talk to you.
Oh, she wants to talk to me? She should have talked to me when she started having feelings for Vince.
That's what I've been telling her for two months.
I said -- Whoa, uh, two months? You've known about this thing with Vince for two months? I'm sorry, what? You knew about Holly having feelings for Vince.
Holly has feelings for Vince? You knew all along, and you didn't tell me? II'm sorry.
It's messed up.
II didn't know what to do, though.
I mean, you're my friend, Holly's my friend, and -- Yeah, you are my friend, and if this had happened to you, I would have told you.
I wouldn't have let you walk around looking like a fool for two months.
Aw, come on, man.
Damn.
Did you see that? Now he's mad at me.
I know.
I'm sorry.
This is all your fault.
I told you I didn't want to get involved, but you kept pushing me.
Okay, you know what? I'm going to go talk to him.
No, no, no.
Stop talking to people.
You've been so worried about making it right with him, you didn't think about how it would affect my friendship with him.
You know what? Now you don't have me or him.
Oh, my God.
I've never seen him like that.
I know.
Angry Gary is hot.
All I tried to do was stay friends with Henry, and I asked Gary for a little help, but now Henry's mad at Gary, and Gary's mad at me.
And I know that I hurt Henry, and I feel horrible about that, but I was just trying to put everyone back together.
Oh, Holly, what have I been telling you? - Just leave it alone.
- I can't.
Stop trying to fix things.
I know, but I'm afraid that if I don't do anything about it, then he'll disappear, and I want us to be friends.
I understand.
Like I want that cake right now.
But I know that right now, the best thing for me to do would just be to leave it alone.
You're comparing a human being with human emotions to a piece of cake? Henry is a great guy, somebody who I thought I could fall in love with.
Well, I actually am in love with that cake.
Yeah, hey, and -- and I know that going after that cake right now would be the wrong thing to do, because eventually, that cake will have time to sort out its feelings, and that cake will come to me, and we will be great friends again.
Okay, you're just insane.
Of course I am.
I haven't had sugar in 24 hours.
This morning, I stepped in gum, and I almost licked the bottom of my shoe.
Look, I am still smart enough to know that you just have to stop trying to fix things, okay? And leave Henry alone.
Okay, but now it's not just about me and Henry.
It's about Gary and Henry, and I have to try to fix things between them.
You're not listening to me.
Everything was fine between Gary and Henry, okay? Just -- can't you just try to stay out of it? Nah.
I'm going to go to bed, but I hope that you and cake patch things up.
Oh.
Oh, I do love you.
Oh, you're so good.
Hey.
Sit back down.
I want to talk to you.
I can take it from here.
What? Wait.
You knew she was coming here? Does that make you mad? Look, I have nothing to say to you.
Well, I do.
Sit down.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to drag you into this thing between me and Henry.
But I want to make things right between you guys, so you can stay mad at me, but -- Yeah, how are you going to do that? I called Henry, and I told him to meet me here so I could give him his leather jacket.
Yeah, and then you guys can talk.
Talk? Guys don't talk.
And besides, you saw how mad he was.
He doesn't want to have anything to do with me.
Henry, wait.
You're really not getting this, are you? I don't want to talk to you, so stop trying to trick me into doing it.
I didn't trick you into coming here to talk to me.
I tricked you into coming here to talk to Gary.
Look, they tricked me, too, so since we're both here, we might as well work this thing out.
Forget it.
I take my friendships very seriously.
You should have told me about Vince.
That was my fault.
Don't blame Gary for that.
He was actually just being a really good friend to me.
Well, he wasn't being a very good friend to me, and as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing you can say that will make that right.
What if I said, "I'll drink that bottle of ketchup"? Gary, come on.
What are you, 5? This is serious.
You're right.
I'll drink that ketchup, eat 20 pats of butter, drink that maple syrup, and finish up that dijonnaise.
You would do that for me? Okay.
I have officially gone I am so proud of myself.
And it's not just the no sugar.
I am one step closer to actually achieving a goal.
Thank you for making me wake up and discover what it feels like to make a commitment and stick to it.
You know what I discovered? Hmm? They're putting the peanut butter on the outside of the peanut butter cup now.
You cracked? You? I didn't just crack.
I crunched, I licked, I dipped, and I sucked.
I suck.
How could you eat all that sugar? At one point, I unhinged my jaw like a snake.
Ooh.
You know what you're looking at? You're looking at 30,000 calories worth of failure.
All that stuff I told you about focus and commitment and reaching your goals -- it means nothing now.
The only valuable advice I can give you is never chase a Twinkie with a bottle of Yoo-hoo.
Oh.
God, I'm a failure.
Oh, this is so typical you.
You make one little mistake, and all of a sudden, you're a failure.
It wasn't one little mistake.
I must have eaten over 200 Skittles.
And you know what? It didn't help anything.
I mean, I don't have any new clients, II still have a pile of bills, and I didn't get anywhere near a fella.
Well, lighten up.
So you made a mistake.
You cannot always be perfect.
Why? I like being perfect.
It's what I do.
I know it's annoying, and people resent me for it, but it's who I am.
Now I don't even have that.
Who am I? You are my friend, who made me really look at myself for the first time.
Seriously, I changed because of you.
I am going to see something through for the first time, and I feel really good about that.
I guess that is the most important thing.
No, you know what is the most important thing? It's for me to be able to stand here and say to you for the first time since I have known you I'm better than you are I'm better than you are You have big flaws.
Yes, you do.
[ burps .]
Are we cool? Yeah, we're cool.
[ groans .]
Oh.
Save the hugging for later.
I got to go and de-condiment myself.
Hey.
Henry.
Henry.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Hey.
If I drink a bottle of ketchup, will that make things okay between us? Doesn't really work that way.
Fine, go.
But I'm just going to follow you and keep talking wherever you go.
So you might as well just stand here and talk to me.
Okay, fine.
Holly, I really -- I hate not having you in my life.
What I did was horrible, and I wish I could take it back, but I can't.
- No, you can't.
- I know.
What do I expect you to do? Just be pals again and act like nothing happened? - That's what you're acting like.
- You weren't just my boyfriend, you were my best friend.
You are my best friend, and I want you in my life.
And I want -- I know that I'm your best friend, too, which is why this is killing you.
- Look, I just want -- - No, I don't think you do.
- Hey, can I just say -- - When people break up, they always say they're going to stay friends, - but they never do.
- Will you just stop? You want me to talk to you? Okay, I'll talk to you.
Did you ever think for a second about what I might be going through, about what I'm feeling? You know, this isn't all about you.
- Well, I was just trying -- - I know, you want to fix it.
But you can't.
It's not exactly pleasant for me to be around you right now, and I'm sorry if you need to talk to me because you feel bad about what happened.
But stop calling to see if I'm okay.
When I am ready to talk to you, I will.
But I'm afraid you won't.
Listen I do want to be friends with you.
I just can't do it, like, today.
Okay? Okay.
How's tomorrow looking? Everything okay? I think it will be.
Good, good.
Is everything okay with us? I don't know.
You almost cost me a good friendship.
I know, and I'm sorry.
Nah, you don't have to apologize.
But you do have to drink this.
I have enough friends.
So Henry told me that when he was ready to talk to me, he would talk to me.
Isn't that kind of what I told you? I don't know, whatever.
But you know, he was right.
I mean, it was really selfish of me to keep pushing him, and I didn't even think about that.
He just needs his space.
Okay, that is exactly what I told you.
Oh, thank you.
What is that? Chocolate cake.
I ordered it when you went to the bathroom.
No.
No, no, no.
Don't break now.
You're doing so good.
Oh, but you broke down, and I know how much that's bothering you.
It's okay.
I am back on track.
I haven't had sugar in almost eight hours.
Yeah, I know, but that still puts me a day ahead of you, and if we're going to be sugar-free, we have to do it together, so if we eat this cake, we will both be back at square one.
Are you sure? Yeah.
To buddies.
To buddies.
I'm still better than you are I didn't eat any cake