Workin' Moms (2017) s02e12 Episode Script

1 NATHAN: Previously on "Workin' Moms" Yeah, this is gonna be a lot easier if I just let you listen to the recording.
BRAD: From now on, I want you think about how hard other women cum.
What's goin' on in my pit? Find some treasure or something? You have a small lump in your armpit.
Do I have cancer? Peri-menopause? You should take her.
- What? - Take her.
- He can't get away with this.
- I'm not gonna let him.
Trust me when I say that I am going to handle this.
[BABIES COO.]
KATE: Hmm.
Yeah, ever since givin' birth to Charlie, through my penis, just doesn't look the same.
It's all stretched out and weird.
FRANKIE: Yeah, I don't know, still looks pretty elegant.
Elegant? [SCOFFS.]
What is this, brunch? I want it to be intimidating.
For the record, I find brunch very intimidating.
ANNE: After I gave birth, I got 14 stitches.
It was a blood bath.
Like I broke a bone, or some shit.
Well, you did sorta break a bone.
[ALL LAUGH.]
Yeah, Percy pulled through, though.
Percy's a real trooper.
What, you call your dick Percy? Yeah, I do.
Cool.
- Go ahead, give it a touch.
- No, I'm good, man.
Dude, this shit is sealed tight.
I don't I believe, I don't wanna Wow, there's like no stretch marks.
How'd you do that? I just massaged it with cocoa butter before I went to bed every night.
You dirty dog.
VAL: Um, fellas, I'm gonna need ya to rein it in here.
You know when we take it out, it just turns into a pissing contest.
[KATE SIGHS.]
JADE: Imagine having twins.
Ever seen that YouTube video where that boa constrictor is throwing up a cow? Yeah, picture that.
And picture it again.
ALICIA: I hate my now.
I'm actually thinking about getting penile rejuvenation surgery.
VAL: Whoa, hey now, Alicia, that's crazy.
Come on now, our wives, co-workers, friends, they'll love us no matter what our bodies look like.
KATE: Hmm.
Now let's talk about how your lives have changed since becoming fathers.
I find more women flirt with me when I'm with my baby, - and I like that.
- Yeah, love that shit.
- Yeah.
- Sweet.
- My wife wants another one.
- Don't.
- I'm not.
Why would I? - [LAUGHS.]
I'm pretty comfortable.
Gosh, could you imagine if women had to give birth? [ALL LAUGH.]
- Through those enormous holes? - What a cake walk! Yeah, the babies would just slide out.
Oh, they wouldn't even have to push, just [COUGHS.]
.
- Pfft.
- [ALL LAUGH.]
They'd still find somethin' to complain about though.
- Am I right? - [KATE SNAPS FINGERS.]
Am I right? Am I right? Am I right? Am I right? Am I right? Am I right? Am I right? Am I ri-i-i-i-i - I-i-i-i-i-i-i.
- [STARTLED WAKING GASP.]
[ALARM BUZZES.]
[EXHALES.]
[TURNS OFF ALARM.]
Val! Ugh! Peri-fuckin'-menopause.
Thanks for coming, by the way.
I mean I could've done this myself but No, of course you could've, but you don't have to, 'cause I got you.
[SILENCE.]
And you were clear about the location and time? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I was clear about all the details.
Asking women to come out of hiding about a sexual predator.
I can't exactly demand that they RSVP.
Totally.
You did this perfectly.
[ANNE SIGHS.]
It's just like, hard on my end, to predict how much you know like, tea and cake to bring.
Why did you even buy that cake? - You said cake as a good idea? - Not with that inscription.
I thought it would lighten the mood, you know, like in the right way? Like Jesus Christ, no one's coming.
This this is so stupid.
This was a stupid idea.
Let's just clean up.
Just help me clean up.
Okay, okay.
[FRUSTRATED EXHALE.]
Maybe before we go, we have a little bit of cake? - It is funfetti.
- Stop it with the cake.
You're a real downer, you know that? [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- [DOOR OPENS.]
- Hi.
Welcome to the par- thank you so much for coming.
Hi, we know Brad Heshinton.
- We're students of his.
- Please come in.
Th-this is a safe place to talk about him.
Yeah.
I learned so much in his class that when he asked me to go under, you know to- to hypnotize me, I thought it would be a great opportunity to grow.
Hypnotize, she said hyp- did you hear? Stop it.
But I have reason to believe that he interfered with my judgment.
How so? Well, I-I wasn't attracted to him, like not at all.
He was just a good teacher.
But when I woke up from hypnosis, Brad was on the couch next to me, with his arm around me, and there was all these used tissues on the table, and I suddenly remember thinking that I was a a lost little girl.
That I was his lost little girl.
Like those words exactly.
A lost little girl wouldn't come to a meeting like this, - that's for sure.
- That's right.
You sharing that story with us? That's behaviour of a strong, brave-ass woman.
Yeah, I know.
I know you're right.
I just um I have this, I have this pit in my stomach because I'm pretty sure he was pleasuring himself while I was under.
I believe you.
What he did? That's on him.
You don't have to carry around his sickness anymore.
And neither do you.
Did Brad hypnotize you as well? Uh, no.
Damn it.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
Well, do you wanna share your story with us? I mean, we're here to listen, but also, you don't have to tell us.
This is all just so strange.
Yeah, I know.
Would a slice of cake help? Um no, I'm okay.
- It's a nice touch though.
- Oh.
So he asked to meet me at his apartment, which I thought was strange, but I know he met students there sometimes.
And um, we started talking about control.
You see, he was helping me discover how controlling I am.
He came up with this, um, exercise.
And what was that? He said I couldn't pee until I got his permission.
So um after a couple hours, I had to go really bad, and I told him he'd made his point, and I tried to go to the washroom, and he blocked me.
Then, when I tried to leave his apartment, he said that I wasn't going anywhere unless I um peed my pants.
[EXHALES LOUDLY.]
Um, so I did.
[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES.]
ROSIE: [SULTRY VOICE.]
Interested in assessing your needs?[GIGGLES.]
Interested in a little one-on-one? Kate? - Oh, Thursday sounds so good.
- [GIGGLES.]
Okay, talk then.
Bye, bye.
[GIGGLES.]
Oh.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
Hi, Mr.
Foster.
You're home so early.
- How was Ottawa? - [CHUCKLES.]
Where's Kate and my son and were you just having phone sex? I was just doing some cold calls for Kate.
Sexy voice, it really helps my confidence.
Charlie's at daycare, and Kate's at a breakfast meeting.
Her and her gal pals really went at it last night.
Which is why it looks like a crack house.
Nobody did crack, just weed, and a bunch of rosé, by the looks of things.
They were celebrating the news.
Sorry, news? You know about Kate not having cancer.
[SILENCE.]
What? Bert, she's here.
BERT: Mike, I'm gonna have to call you back.
All right? Yeah.
Okay.
Bye, thanks.
- Kate, hey.
- Hi! - Hi.
No need to sit.
- I'll make this quick.
- Oh.
- So, I had the chance to look over the work you put together for us, - and it's good.
- Oh.
It's great, actually.
Yeah, but we're not gonna hire your firm to represent us.
- Oh.
- Uh, look.
Though you may not be green, your company is, and we can't hire a start-up to manage our image.
It would be irresponsible of us, and our investors would never get on board.
Well I I understand, but, I You're clearly bright.
And after a few years, if your company survives, which most don't, we can have another conversation.
Okay.
In the meantime uh, maybe I can help you get through this first year.
You wanna donate some pencils? [CHUCKLES.]
You see, we have this event happening next week that needs some managing.
It's just a one-off, but it's a job.
Whadda ya think? I-I think yeah! Thank you.
Good, uh, because we need eyes on it today.
Amazing! Yeah! Okay.
It's just one event.
Yeah it is.
That's aw-uh, thank you so much.
- Pleasure.
Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Great work.
- Thank you.
[CHUCKLES.]
This is Nathan Foster, please leave a message and I'll promptly return your call.
[EXCITED.]
Ah! You'd better promptly return my call! I have got such big news, Nathan.
Call me back as soon as you get this, okay? Where are you anyway? Call me! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! YES! [HONKS HORN.]
Oh.
[GOAT BLEATS.]
- Look at this.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Can you say hi.
Got all my fave ladies, and all my fave animals.
Life doesn't get any better than that.
These are all your fave animals here? Totally.
Farm animals are just as cool, if not cooler than those fancy, - exotic animals at the big zoos.
- Are they, though? Okay, we'll ask Zoe.
Hey, baby girl, which one do you like best, huh? I think this guy likes you.
Say hi.
Aw, I mean, she's so good with animals.
She's totally gonna be a veterinarian.
Or vegetarian.
- Or you know, both.
- That's so sweet.
[IAN CHUCKLES.]
Hey listen, I gotta pee.
Would you mind watching her for a minute? Oh I, uh, sorry, I just don't really know what to do with her, so can you just take her with you? I'll stay here.
Show her to the ewes.
Guaranteed hit.
She'll love 'em.
I don't really feel that comfortable, Ian.
Can you just just take her with you.
It's fine, she's a cute little I don't want to.
Okay? - I don't really do kids, Ian.
- Okay? Wait, what does that mean? [WINE POURS.]
[KATE SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
[DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS SHUT.]
Domestic angel present, if you care to notice.
[FOOTSTEPS THUD LIGHTLY.]
What's your big news? Oh, uh, I officially have my first client.
[GLASSES CLINK.]
- Good for you.
- Hmm.
Is that all? Well, Nathan, I'm sorry, but that's kinda huge, right, that means my business is actually in business.
Great! Means your investment wasn't in vein.
Money well spent.
Yeah.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
Isn't there anything you wanna tell me? What's happening? - Like you don't have cancer? - Oh God! Nathan, I wanted to tell you, but But what? You don't tell me anything! First it was Frankie moving in.
Then it was you using the settlement money to start a business, and running it out of our house! And now I have to hear from Rosie, of all people, that you might've had cancer! But wait, good news, you don't.
So you throw a party.
With your friends.
Like I don't even fucking exist.
Okay, well hold on.
This all happened while you were outta town, okay.
I went to the doctor because I was feeling really tired, and he didn't like explicitly say that I have cancer.
Well, anyway, I used you know, the internet for like, - a second opinion.
- Why wouldn't you call me? I-I, you know, I got scared, and I started feeling guilty, and then I like, was envisioning like, leaving you and Charlie alone.
I don't know! I just got like, lost in the whole thing.
And then I found out that I actually have a - You have what, Kate? - Well - Kate! - I got peri-menopause.
- Menopause.
- How's that even possible? Unless you're lying about your age, too? Peri-menopause.
It's not like menopause, menopause, it's like younger.
It's like the sexy, it's sexy menopause.
What the fuck are you talking about? It means I still get pregnant, but my door is closing.
When were you gonna tell me about that? - To be honest? - Yes, please, - that would be refreshing.
- I-I've been scared to, okay, because I finally get my business up and running, and I know how much you want a second child.
Since when do you care about what I want? - Well - You just go ahead and do whatever it is you want, every time anyways.
Just keep me in the dark, so I don't get in your way.
Okay, hold on.
Nathan, - Don't bother.
I'm goin' out.
- Wait.
Nathan [DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS SHUT.]
So goddamn hot in here.
Menopause.
IAN: What did you mean when you said you don't do kids? Uh, it means that I can't have kids.
My ex-husband and I tried to have kids for like, six years.
And I've had more miscarriages than you can [CHOKES UP.]
[IAN SIGHS.]
- I had no idea.
- How could you? It's not something I usually open with.
Anyways, I know that I'm getting ahead of myself here, but I have to, because I don't think that I can take another loss.
Look at her, she's everything that I've always wanted, and now that you have Zoe full time, I-I just don't want to get attached to her, in case things don't work out between you and me.
What? N-n-n-n-no, you don't need to hide her.
Stop it.
It's not her fault.
It's not your fault either.
[SILENCE.]
Listen, I think that it would be best for all of us, Zoe included, if I just walk away right now, before things get you know, [NERVOUS CHUCKLE.]
complicated.
- [FOOTSTEPS THUD ON FLOOR.]
- [DOOR OPENS.]
- Sonya, I- - [DOOR CLOSES.]
[BIRDS CHIRP.]
[ARM CLICKS.]
[RECORD SCRATCHES.]
One, a-two, a-one, two, three, go! Silly, happy, Wild wild Silly, happy, Wild wild Baby, you shape me as you make me Ooh ooh ohh You're my opus You're my gold You're the focus of my soul Honey, I love the way you love me, boy Love me, boy So hold on and don't let go I just got to let you know Silly, happy, Wild wild When I think of you Silly, happy, Wild wild Everything you do Silly, happy, Wild wild Something about you makes me Silly, happy, Wild wild FRANKIE: Atta girl, Greta! Go for it! And save some room for dessert.
- What is it? - Oh, I don't know, just like some chocolate cake with like, - strawberries and whipped cream! - [HOWIE GASPS.]
You're a good woman, Aunt Frankie! [BOTH LAUGH.]
The place is pretty sweet, Frank.
Yeah, thanks, bro.
I'm happy.
Well, you could slice some real tail here.
Okay, did you forget to ear candle, man? What? I told you, I'm on a romance hiatus.
I'm not even kissing anyone for like, six months, - or seven years.
- Yeah, right.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Oh! I'll get it! Hey, psst.
You order pizza? - [DOOR OPENS.]
- Hey! Hi! - Come in! - Oh.
[SMALL LAUGH.]
Frankie, meet new neighbour, Bianca.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I tried hitting on here when she was out watering her garden, but uh, turns out she's gay, like you, so - Wow, Howie, that's - Daddy! What?! [ALL CHUCKLE.]
- Maybe I should go.
- No.
Oh, no, no, no, please.
Ignore my insane brother.
Please join us.
Please.
- Yeah.
- [BIANCA LAUGHS.]
GRETA: Eat your corn, and you can have cake.
BIANCA: Oh, thank you.
[SILVERWARE CLATTERS.]
Thanks.
- Looks great.
- Yeah.
[WINGS FLUTTER.]
The Dean just said it was urgent.
He probably just wants to talk golf.
- I always beat him, you know.
- So you've said.
[CHUCKLING.]
John, this better be good! Ladies, to what do I owe the pleasure? Shut the door, and take a seat, Dr.
Heshinton.
Anne! Brad.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Does anyone wanna tell me what exactly is going on? Sit down, Brad.
These ladies have presented an affidavit with very damaging, and frankly, disturbing stories about you.
Well, I'm sure there's a misunderstanding there? Unfortunately, it doesn't appear to be a misunderstanding.
What are you talking about? You always told me that I should be a better listener.
So, I recorded our session.
You know she's my ex-wife, right? Yeah.
What about us? Remember this? BRAD: You know, sometimes I masturbate to the time that you and I had sex on that boat in Maine.
Do you remember that, Annie? I could barely hear you climax over the sound of the ocean.
- I think that's what - Hey, enough! Hey, enough! We hear it! Off! Off! Turn it off! Anne! [TURNS OFF.]
[SHOUTS.]
This is outrageous, John! [STRESSED EXHALE.]
Okay, you're You, John, you're hearing from my lawyer about this.
I'd say a lawyer was a good idea, Brad.
As of this morning, I've alerted the Board that you're no longer a professor on staff, here.
- Oh! - I've also filed a complaint with the Medical Counsel of Canada.
John, no-no okay.
[WHISPERS.]
Hold on.
Um, Looks like you've molested your last mind.
[HAPPY EXHALE.]
[TRAFFIC WHOOSHES.]
[KATE SIGHS.]
Hey! Where'd you go? Went out for a drive.
[LIGHTS CLICKS ON.]
I've been thinking about what you said.
And you're right.
Look, I don't want a baby right now, but I wasn't 100% sold on having Charlie, either, and he's one of my top two favourite creatures on this earth.
I don't have time to wait 'til everything feels perfect.
So maybe it doesn't have to be my way, or your way.
Let's just support each other, you know? From now on, when I make a Before I make a decision, I'll let you know, okay? [TOOTHBRUSH RASPS.]
[WATER RUNS.]
[NATHAN SIGHS.]
Okay.
I guess we'll wait and see, won't we? What's hiding inside Yeah.
Ain't the first to fall To notice you can't have it all I ain't a cold-hearted man - Won't give you false hopes - But I ain't made of stone got limits I'll get weak if you get too close