Young & Hungry (2014) s02e12 Episode Script

Okay, my "days of the week" undies are done, but your bra is still out there drying.
Still? There's not much there to dry.
It's not funny.
Hey, wait, where's Friday? No, today's Saturday.
Hello.
Ho-oh! Thank God it's Friday.
Yeah, they fell on my car.
Wow.
You know, that's actually not the craziest place that pair has landed.
I'd like to hear more about that.
I'm Tyler.
- I'm Gabi.
- I'm Sofia.
She has a boyfriend.
I do not.
Neither do I have a boyfriend.
You have to say that in San Francisco.
Especially with this hair.
It's really pretty.
Well, since I've already seen your underwear, I think it's only right that I buy you dinner.
Oh.
Yeah.
I mean, no.
Wait! Maybe.
It's kind of complicated.
Wait, I'm confused.
Wait, so you do have a boyfriend? No, I have a boss.
And you know how when you're dating someone and your boss isn't, - it can be kind of awkward? - Not really.
Can you excuse us for a minute, please? - I kind of have - Stay here.
Here.
Ooh, a muffin.
Gabi, why are you thinking about Josh? Your panties flew to that guy.
Trust their wisdom.
Yeah, I know, but I just started going back to work at Josh's, and and I'm afraid it's just so delicate that if I start dating someone, it could be kinda weird.
Yeah, well, then just don't talk about it at work.
That had never occurred to me.
Uh, Tyler, hi.
I'd, ah, I'd love to go out with ya.
- When? - Um - What's your favorite color? - Black.
Wednesday it is.
Gabi, you're awfully quiet this morning.
That's because I'm too busy not talking about it.
- Not talking about what? - I met the cutest guy! He showed up right at my door looking for the owner of my underwear.
It's like a fairy tale.
Good morning.
And here comes your fairy godmother.
Which makes you what, the ugly stepsister? So tell me more about this guy.
Okay.
He's in a band, and he plays the sticks.
Which means he plays the drums.
It is so sexy when some guy just plays the dr Wow! When you walk in, Gabi shuts up.
How did you do that? Teach me! Well, it's easy.
All you do is catch her when she's talking about a guy.
I was not talking about a guy.
I was talking about Animal from The Muppets.
Yeah.
He plays the drums.
Yolanda thought he played the guitar, which is why I was telling Gabi.
It's okay to talk about your dating life.
Really? It doesn't make you feel weird? You're not uncomfortable? You're not just saying that to put on a brave face 'cause secretly you're dying inside? Gabi, I promise you.
I am totally cool with it.
He's so not cool with it.
Gabi, I thought we talked about you not talking about it at work.
We did.
And I failed.
But the good news is I realized all I have to do is set up Josh.
And the bad news is that's the dumbest idea ever.
No.
Sofia, he's not gonna be cool with me dating Tyler unless he's dating somebody too.
How do you not know this? Well, because my brain runs on knowledge, not Funyun dust.
Hey, do you think Josh would be into your pretty friend Dee Dee? S-T-Dee-Dee? I don't think so.
Oh, what about no.
Hey, what about no.
What about Her.
Hey, pretty girl.
What's your name? - Sarah.
- Oh, Sarah.
Sarah.
Sexy name.
You single? Look, I'm flattered, but I'm not into girls.
Oh, oh, no, no, no.
It's, ah, it's not for me.
It's for him.
His name's Josh, he's 30, sexy and super successful.
Oh.
Well, if he's so great, why don't you date him? Because he is my boss, and that would be super unprofessional.
- He does have a cute smile.
- Yeah.
- Looks even cuter in his Porsche.
- Wow.
Alan, calm down! So your drag queen bingo host dropped out, and you need to find a man dressed as a woman.
No, I will not do it.
I know you call me your Asian princess, but that's just for the bedroom! Step away from the fudgey cakes! We will find you another bingo host, I promise.
Bye! Did I hear you say you need a bingo host? Because I call bingo at church, and I'm damn good at it.
Trust me, Yolanda.
This is not the gig for you.
Oh, come on! I got a whole shtick.
I grab a ball and I call out, "I-8 a whole pizza, y'all.
" It killed the reverend.
It's okay, he's in a better place.
Sorry, Yolanda, but the answer's no.
Oh, come on.
Why can't I do it? Because you're not a you know what? Spin.
You might be able to pull this off.
That's what I've been sayin'! Thanks, Elliot, oh! You the man! No, you are.
Never fear, lunch is here.
Okay.
We've got a fork, a knife, a spoon, and a Sarah.
- What's a Sarah? - This.
She lives in my building, she's super cute, she's a paralegal, she does pilates.
What are you doing? So you know how you haven't dated anybody in a while? By choice.
My choice, not theirs.
- Well, my choice is Sarah.
- No, thank you.
Gabi, I can get a girl on my own.
I'm me.
But it would be the best thing for me you Sarah everyone.
Look, I just feel like after everything that happened between us, - you know, all that "sturff" - Gabi, "enurf.
" I just thought you might be a little uncomfortable if I'm dating someone and you're not because you might still have feelings for a certain someone.
Set it up.
Or better yet, why don't we all go out together.
How about that? Me, Sarah, you, Animal.
Great! Okay, oh, uh, but can we do it tonight? Because today is Wednesday, and I made a really cute underwear joke.
So, uh, Gabi tells me that you're the drummer in a band.
- That's awesome.
- Yeah.
We're one hit from making it big.
That's the name of our band, "One hit from making it big.
" Have you heard any of their music? No, but I heard him tapping on the table and he's very talented.
So, uh, Sarah, do you want to help me with dessert? Yeah, and if that's code for "let's talk about the boys," hell yeah.
Okay.
Thank you.
Gabi mentioned you met, uh, at her place.
Do you live nearby? Only on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
What? Yeah, well, Mondays and Wednesdays is street cleaning and weekends I find it best to park outside the city.
Because you live in your car? Yep.
I re-jiggered the seat so I almost have a full recline.
And I got a piña colada air freshener, so it's like I'm always on vacation.
Sweet.
Hey, give me a second.
- Tyler is homeless.
- What? I shouldn't say he's homeless.
His car is his home, like a turtle.
- Okay, where is this coming from? - He told me, proudly.
- Got it straight from the turtle's mouth.
- I don't believe you.
- Hey, where's the bathroom? - Oh, it's just right down the hall.
Oh, I love bathrooms I don't need a quarter to get into.
Hey, is it cool if I hand-wash my shirt in there? Oh, you know what? I'm cool.
Okay, that doesn't prove he's homeless.
Oh, the reason I'm asking is 'cause I live in my car.
Okay, that does.
Hey, y'all.
Check out my new dress for hosting bingo night.
It's gonna show off all my curves.
Oh ooh! And maybe a little side boob too.
Nice.
Not really.
Don't you have anything flashier? It's a bar! Something sparkly, that accentuates your broad sexy shoulders and your strong, shapely legs.
- Yeah! This ain't church bingo.
- Testify! But if I'm gonna be showing all that skin, I gotta go get waxed.
Don't bother.
- Good morning, Josh.
- Oh, hey! How'd your night go last night with Tyler? Did you guys use protection? You know, seat belts? Oh, are those the kind of jokes you use on Sarah? How'd that work out for ya? Something tells me I'm gonna see her again.
- Morning.
- Told ya.
Hi, Sarah.
I had a great night with you last night.
- Me too.
Can't wait.
- Call ya later? Gabi, thanks for the awesome setup.
I'm just so relieved.
There are so many weirdos in this city.
Yep, there's one parked on every corner.
You know, I-I think I left my keys upstairs.
Oh.
Shit! Oh! Shoot Sarah, I found your jar of teeth? Really, really creepy jar of teeth! What the hell? I-I know I must have put them up here somewhere.
Uh, maybe you wanna check your purse? Hm let's see Oh! Here they are.
Ah! Don't you hate it when something is right in front of you and you can't see it? No, I didn't see anything.
Okay, well, see you back at the apartment.
Not if I lock my door.
Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh! I accidentally knocked Sarah's purse over, and you're never gonna believe what came out! - A jar of teeth.
- What? A jar of teeth! But wait, that's not all.
There was also a silver pointy thing, and a pully thing, and a clampy thing, and I think she uses them for bad things.
Okay, Gabi, calm down.
I'm not you saw what you saw There was a saw too! You have to stop dating her.
Oh, Gabi, I see what's going on here.
Remember when you thought I'd be uncomfortable if you were dating somebody and I wasn't? - Z-z-z-oop.
- No.
No.
That is not what's happening here, okay? - She's sick.
She could be dangerous.
- Oh Look look, I'm not saying you're doing it on purpose.
I just think it's a little unconscious.
Yeah? Well, I think you're gonna be in a cage yelling, "Help me!" But because you have no teeth, it's gonna come out, "Melp me! "Melp me! Melp me!" I dropped her purse on the ground, and at first I was like, "Oh, no, I hope I didn't break her phone.
" And then I was like, "Oh, no, I found a jar of teeth!" Really, Gabi? Or is this like the time you thought that police horse winked at you? No! Okay? I saw them.
I held them in my hands.
What is it gonna take to get people to believe me? - You don't have to prove it to me.
- Yes, yes, yes! - I have to prove it.
- I'm not gonna help and you're gonna help me! Sarah, hi.
Can you help me? I lost my dog.
You have a dog? I didn't think they let us have pets.
Right.
Uh It's a friend's dog Ryan Gosling.
You're friends with Ryan Gosling? No, no.
No, that's the name of the dog.
I think I just saw him! Um, can you please come help? - R-Ryan Gosling! Come here, boy! - Ryan! Okay.
If I were a creepy jar of teeth, where would I be? Ryan Gosling! Ryan Gosling! A-ha! Oh, no, these are Tic Tacs.
I'm sorry, good luck finding Ryan Gosling.
Josh! Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I'm so scared.
I'm so scared.
Hi, I'm calling about your ad on craigslist.
Do you still have the electric saw? Oh, good.
Does it cut through bone? Perfect.
Thank you.
Please be Sofia.
Please be Sofia.
Please be Sofia.
Please - Hey.
- Hey.
- I got your text and I jumped in my car.
- Mm-hm Then I got your photo and forgot how to drive.
How does a glass of wine sound? Like you're gonna poison him and steal his teeth! - Sounds good to me.
- That's why I already poured one.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
It's poison! Don't drink it! Don't drink it, no! Don't drink it! Don't drink it! No! - Get away from him, you freak! - Gabi! What the hell are you doing in my apartment? - Explain yourself! - Explain yourself! You're the one hiding in my closet.
You're the one with a closet full of teeth! Josh, look! Do you remember when you thought I was crazy? Well z-z-z-oop! - Uh, Sarah? - I can explain.
I make jewelry out of teeth and sell it on Etsy.
Huh! Yeah, like that's a thing.
It is a thing.
Well, why are there all the names on the jars, Sarah? - They're my customers.
- Well, Josh is not a customer.
So, explain that.
I was making him a surprise pair of cufflinks.
You hear that, Gabi? She was making me a surprise pair of teeth cufflinks.
Well, Sarah, there's just one little hole in your story.
A cavity, if you will.
Where is all of this so-called teeth jewelry I am hearing so much about? Oh.
Story checks out.
Mystery explained.
My work here is done.
I will take my leave.
Goodbye! - I'm so sorry.
- It's not your fault.
A lot of people think teeth jewelry's weird.
Okay, thank God.
I wasn't gonna say anything, but it's kinda weird.
I mean, I don't even wear it myself.
But there is a whole market for it: Goths, metalheads, dental hygienists.
Really? Hm.
I mean, I guess that's kinda cool.
Where do you get these teeth from? I break into morgues.
She breaks into yep, time to go.
Thank you! Damn! Work it, girl! Well thank you, baby! If you got it, flaunt it! Yolanda, you look like a queen.
_ Drag queen bingo?! Ladies and gentlemen, help me welcome to the stage the Adam's apple of everyone's eye, Miss Yolanda! Oh, hell no! Wait, Yolanda.
You want me to pull balls? The first balls I'm gonna pull are yours! - Yolanda! Yolanda! - Listen to them, Yolanda.
They love you.
Yolanda! Yolanda! Yolanda! Yolanda! Well, they are chanting my name.
So let's get this party started.
- Let me hear you say "Hey!" - Hey! The first ball of the night is B-18.
If you want a piece of this, you better be 18! Hey! Hey! - Morgues? - Morgues.
Man, we sure can pick 'em.
- Oh! We? - Okay, fine.
Me.
Look Gabi, you know we're not always going to be dating people at the same exact time Yeah, I know.
I think I was just trying to get us back to normal.
You know, before all of that "Sturff"? Yeah, "sturff.
" Well, look, sometimes "sturff" happens.
And we gotta get past that.
And you know what we have going for us? Ever since you started working for me, our relationship's been anything but normal.
So for us, normal is weird.
And weird is normal.
Z-z-z-oop.
From now on, I think we should just embrace the weird.
The weird is what we need to embrace.
- Morgues! - Morgues! All right.
See ya tomorrow, weirdo.
Okay, bye, freak show.
- Sup, bro? - Embracing the weird.
- Hey, Tyler.
- Hey, you.
It's Thursday, so I was parked downstairs and I just couldn't get your pretty little face out of my head all day, so I thought I'd come up and see it in person.
- You have to use the bathroom, don't you? - So bad.
Hey, do you have any more of those muffins? Embrace the weird.
I should be mad at you.
But I gotta admit, that was fun! It was a big surprise, but you took it like a man.
You sure did.
You were amazing up there.
- Oh, I was? Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
- Can I buy you a drink? - Mm you can buy me two.
So I'm clear, this guy's flirting with me because he thinks I'm a man, right? Bingo! Hi, I'm Frank.