American Dragon: Jake Long (2005) s02e13 Episode Script

1
'Cause I'm never comin'
backee from vacation ♪
Ha ha hmm
hmm hmm hmm hmm ♪
Hmm hmm hmm hmm ♪
Ugh!
I'm begging, dad!
Full on,
down-on-my-knees
action here.
Please don't make me
go to aunt Cathy's
this year!
Ha ha!
No can do, Jake-a-roo!
It's your mother's
family reunion,
and that means
all the family
has to be there
to, uh, you know,
re Une.
That's exactly
the problem.
Oh! Isn't he precious?
Cootchie-coo!
Jakey want
the Teddy bear?
Jake: I'm tired
of all mom's family
treating me
like a baby
Just 'cause
I'm still stuck
at the kiddy table
with annoying
cousin greggy
and all
the other snot-wipers.
Ugh!
Litchi nut pudding?
When do I get my turn
at the big time?
So unless one
of your aunts or uncles
skips the reunion,
Haley: Oh, no!
That's terrible
aunt Cathy!
Uncle Lee had to get
his appendix out.
He's ok,
but he's gonna miss
the family reunion.
Ha ha! No way!
Lee's appendix
is out,
which means I'm in?!
Yeah!
Go appendix ♪
Hollah back now ♪
Appendicitis ♪
Uh, I'm just Heh,
excited he's ok?
He's cool, he's hot
like a frozen sun ♪
He's young and fast,
he's the chosen one ♪
People,
we're not braggin' ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
He's gonna stop
his enemies ♪
With his dragon power ♪
Dragon teeth, dragon tail,
burnin' dragon fire ♪
A real live wire ♪
American dragon ♪
He's the American dragon ♪
His skills are
gettin' faster ♪
With grandpa,
the master ♪
His destiny
will walk up sheets ♪
It's showtime, baby,
for the legacy ♪
I'm a dragon,
I'm not kiddin' ♪
It's my destiny ♪
I'm the magical protector
from the N.Y.C. ♪
American dragon ♪
[Gong]
[Speaking Chinese]
You're stuck
with Jonathan this year.
[Speaking Chinese]
Why must I be the one
to baby-sit him?
Trying to keep Jonathan
away from our magical
family secret.
For Pete's sake,
I didn't even
get to enjoy
my own
wedding reception.
[Music playing]
Ah-choo!
I bring
99 garden gnomes.
Good luck
for the bride and--
[gnomes laughing
and shouting]
Now, what
in the dickens is--
Hai!
Whaah!
That body-slamming
the groom
into the wedding cake
is an ancient
Chinese custom.
You gotta keep him
away from that reunion.
Your family's
just too sloppy
at keepin'
a secret double life--
All ready-roo!
Who's up
for a family funboree?
Jake? I've never
seen you so excited
to see my family
before.
3 days on aunt Cathy's
private island
in the Florida keys?
What's not to love?
Nice place.
Just find me
what I need,
and it's all ours.
Oh, Susan!
So good to see you!
Mwah! Mwah!
Haley, fu,
you both look fabulous!
Yeah, great.
Been cuttin' the carbs.
He'll be taking care
of Jonathan
for a few days.
I don't mean to be
a nosy-rosy,
but why did we
just waste 2 perfectly
good plane tickets
to drive all the way
to Florida?
I told you,
because I am
Afraid to fly.
Are ya sure?
Because the sign says--
Do not question
the navigator,
daughter's husband!
[Screech]
Right!
Oh!
Aah!
Right.
The non-magical husband.
Ooh! And who is
this big, handsome man?
Ha ha!
Yeah, big man. Ha!
You're just in time
for dinner,
and I've got
an extra special seat
saved just for you!
Yeah, that's
what I'm talkin' about.
Now food me up at the--
Kiddy table?!
[Shouting]
Please, Jake,
I prefer you call it
the responsible
young adults table.
Sun taught me
we should always treat others
as if they already were
what we expect them to become.
Cousin Andrew, would you
please pass the butter?
Butter? Fine!
[Laughing]
I am a hummingbird
in the breeze.
I'm the next oldest
in the family.
What happened
to my seat at the--
[sniffing]
Rice pudding?
Thank you, Gregory.
We're supposed
to call him
Gregory now.
I don't care
what we call him!
He's a year younger
than me.
How'd he get my seat?
You mean,
you don't know?
Gregory got his
[Whispering]
Dragon powers.
Ok, that's it!
[Deep breath] Ok,
how to put this?
I'm stuck
at the kiddy table
all because
cousin greggy
just now got
his dragon powers?
Jake, maybe we should
discuss this later.
Ok, first of all,
it's Gregory.
And second of all,
don't his cheeks
look super pinchable?
They sure are!
Cootchie-
coothcie-coo.
Uh, maybe ya'll
don't realize,
but I've been
the American dragon
for, like,
a year and a half now!
I've fought nixes
and krylocks and--
Aw, how adorable!
Have you seen
Gregory's dragon form?
Very impressive!
Why don't you
just go back to your seat
if you're a good boy,
maybe later aunt mai
will let you
play with her teeth.
Bleh!
Here ya go!
Uh, but I--
Greggy aw!
Ai-yah!
Why do you not trust
the navigator?
I do! I do, honestly!
It's just,
well, I'm havin' trouble
seeing how we ended up
way over here
in western Kentucky.
I assumed
you would want to see
the world's largest
Turkey farm.
Normally, you bet
your butter-basted
beak I would,
but we're already
late enough as is.
Besides, it's
the middle of the night.
I mean, how can we
get a gander
at the gobblers
when we can't
even see the--
Ow!
[Peck]
I think the little nipper
just nipped me in the--
Ow! Ow!
Uh, uh, ok, Mr. Gizzard.
Now, that's
quite enough of that.
[Many turkeys gobbling]
Aah! Oh! Oh!
They've got
a taste for man!
Back in the car!
Uh, yeah,
just so you know,
I'm the only dragon
who counts here.
You want the throne,
you gotta take out
the king.
You mean
the royal pain?
Let's do it.
Yeah, that's what I--
If you're
such a great dragon,
winner gets the chair
at the grownup table,
girl: I can suck
noodles in my nose!
[Slurp]
Eww!
Eww!
Noodle snot!
O k.
I'm in!
So, um, what did you
have in mind?
All right, standard
dragon challenge rules.
You're gonna trade off
pickin' the challenges.
If the other guy
muffs your test,
that's a point for you.
He makes it,
one point for him.
Best 2 out of 3 wins.
Got it?
Mm-hmm.
Dragon up!
That's all you got?
Please, cuz.
Dragon up!
Ha ha ha!
You scared yet?
Oh, I'm scared
That whatever you got
is contagious.
Did I not tell you
Gregory's dragon form
was impressive?
What? Oh, looks
like they're having
some sort of competition.
Ok. Hoo hoo!
Studly, uh, you're up.
What's the challenge?
[Shaking,
ears flapping]
All right,
well, let's test
your fire-breathing,
try this one
on for size.
Wow. Jake's
fire-breathing
has really come along.
Greggy like to give
his competitors
a false sense
of self-confidence
before he crushes them.
Rip him
to pieces, honey!
Point, Jake,
and he's up.
How about
some speed flying?
One time
around the beach.
We'll go on 3.
You ready?
Hey, yo, yo,
what are you doing?!
You said 3!
You said 3!
[Struggling]
Ha! Taste my dragon dust,
greggy!
[Female voice]
Dragons?
Oh, thank goodness.
My point.
My point!
Say, huh?
Say, what?
You said,
one time around the beach.
You did 13,
so you're disqualified.
My point!
It's not like
you're gonna score
another point on me.
My turn, my turn again!
Ok, I challenge
you to go--
Oh, dragons! I am
so glad I found you.
They're comin'
after me,
and they're
planning to--
Hyah! Wah!
Whoa, hey! Stop!
You can't attract
attention!
They'll see us
and--
This magical sea beast
before I do!
Unh! Unh! Unh!
She's not
a sea beast, fool!
She's trying
to talk!
Gregory, no!
Oh, that's my boy!
That's a powerful
young man!
Yeow! Quit!
[Gasping]
No! Wait!
Come back!
Oh, yeah!
You better run!
Dope! I can't
believe you just--
Saved us all!
My big man hero!
2 out of 3!
I beat
the American dragon!
Can I get a whoop?
Whoop!
Whoop!
Hey, look!
It's not creamed corn!
It's brains!
[Laughing]
No, no, no,
it's a mantra.
You're supposed
to chant it with me.
Ohm shaka laka laka laka.
Huh?
Uh, what?
Uh, your patootie
likes potatoes.
Aw, man!
Fu dog; Nifty bubble,
huh, kid?
I always keep
a few magical
air capsules handy
just in case a--
Oh!
My Sushi sense
is tingling.
Rarr rarr!
Wait a minute,
we're lookin'
for the shark lady?
From greggy the great
and the cootchie-coo
patrol.
She looked
pretty scared.
Whatever trouble
she's in,
and if our search
happens to get you away
from the family
for a while
It's all good.
[Motor]
Say what?
Whoo-hoo!
Catch the show!
Yeah!
Yo, greggy!
I'm tryin' to do
some dragon work down here.
You sure that's
such a good idea?
'Cause we got sharks
in these waters,
and we all saw
how scared
the widdle baby dwagon
is of sharks!
You want to order a 4-flipper
slapdown for the kid?
'Cause I would love
to deliver it.
Ok, first off,
I'm a year older than you,
so step off
the baby stuff,
and, second,
I am not scared of sh--oh!
Not good.
Ha! Nice try, faker.
Mmm! Mmm! Ugh!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Gut him, tiburon!
Not yet. First, I want
to know what he knows.
You know what we're
looking for, don't you?
Maybe you even
know where it is.
If you ever want
to taste oxygen again,
you're going
to tell me!
Ooh!
Go! After him!
I got one last
air capsule left!
Whoa!
Come on!
Hey! What's the rush!
Hey! [Yelping]
Go, dog!
There! Lose 'em
in that coral maze!
Aah!
Uh-oh, kid, dead end!
Over here!
Jake: Come on!
Come on!
Uh, kid, unless
you want to be
a shark's new best chum,
you might
want to go now!
[Grunting]
Got it!
Come on!
Aah!
Move your fin!
[All grunting]
Oh! Go, go, go!
[Dog fu panting]
Looks like
we lost 'em.
Sorry. Guess I shouldn't
have snuck up like that,
but I really
need your help.
Please don't blame
all the shark people
for this.
Despite
our multiple rows
of jagged,
flesh-tearing teeth,
we really a tender,
loving race.
Aah!
Instinct. Sorry.
We'll eat anything.
Heh heh.
Anyway, there's
a few bad fish
in the barrel.
Tiburon and
his whole skark-mada.
They think
we shouldn't get along
with your kind.
They'd rather
sweep you aside
and take over your land.
"Glub glub, need the water,
can't live on dry land"?
Actually, shark people
are only half fish.
They can spend time
on dry land,
but they always gotta
return to the sea.
The only way tiburon
and his men
can rule over your land,
is if they move it
underwater.
Can they do that?
If they find what
they're looking for--
Neptune's trident.
Oh, boy.
Neptune's the ancient god
of the sea.
Holds the power
to control the oceans.
You can do whatever
you want with that thing.
Like move the eastern shore
of your country
from here to
Oh, somewhere around here.
Which means
everything in between
would be underwater,
and tiburon's territory
to rule!
The good news is,
they'll never find
the trident without me.
You know
where it is?
Tell me.
I can protect it.
No! I I've already
caused you enough trouble.
If you could
just help me find
uh, maybe a nice
inland aquarium
or a theme park or
Done. But first,
I gotta cut out of
this lame
family reunion.
I am quite sure
that mobile, Alabama,
is south of key west.
Doh! Doh!
Key west is
the southernmost point
in the continental
United States!
How can it be
more south
that the southernmost
point?!
Give me that map!
[Speaking Chinese]
Oh ho ho!
So now we're doin'
that again, huh?
Well, two can play
at that game, mister!
I took
high school Norwegian,
and I can tell you
[Speaking Norwegian]
I, too, took
high school Norwegian.
[Tires screech]
Yi!
[Blows landing]
Take that!
[Both shouting]
After seeing a hero
like me in action
It's no wonder Jake
isn't showin' his face.
Hey, mom, me and fu
gotta bounce for a few.
We got a little problem
with this
Is that, uh,
land grub?
No, no, no, no!
Shark lady, don't!
Shark instinct
taking over!
Aah! Go away!
Fishy bad!
Greggy!
What are you doing?!
Show this beast
what you're made of!
Oh!
Unh! Unh!
Uh! Ahh! Unh!
[Door closes]
Did I
Scare her away?
[Giggling]
Oh, I'm so sorry.
The last thing
I wanted was
to cause you trouble.
Trouble? That was awesome!
I got a feeling
the table's have turned,
and I'm gettin' my turn
at the adult table.
Ok, huh?
Focus, kid.
We still got a
[Roaring]
You didn't really
think you could run
from me, did you?
Aw, man!
You all know
what I've come for.
But how did you
find us?
We're sharks.
[Sniffing]
We followed
our noses.
[Family screaming]
They can't get you
what you want.
Wait! Isn't she
the bad guy?
We're a family
of dragons, punk.
You can threaten
all you want,
but we're never
gonna let her tell you
where Neptune's
trident is.
Oh, I don't
expect her to talk.
[Regurgitating]
You hid Neptune's trident
in your stomach?
Uh, I told you,
we'll eat anything.
[Tiburon laughing]
Nice try,
but now it's over
For all of you!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
[Music playing]
Where
is the love? ♪
Where did
the love go? ♪
Get ready
daughter's husband.
Here comes your cue!
Ok, this is
where I draw the line.
There is no way I'm--
I wish I knew ♪
But it's a thing
that no one know ♪
Bring back de love ♪
Back de love ♪
Bring back de love ♪
Yeah ♪
Bring back de love ♪
Back de love ♪
Bring back de love! ♪
Yeah!
[Applause]
[Thunder]
Say good-bye
to dry land
and bow to your new ruler!
Whaa!
How about you
say good-bye
to your little fork
and bow
to my backside?
Rarr!
Hyah!
So, we just wait here,
or what?
Ooh!
Dragon up!
Gregory,
what are you doing?
I'm goin'
after that shark!
No way I'm lettin'
Jake steal my glory.
Ah-choo!
Nobody else escapes!
That's gonna be
a rule from now on.
Cool?
Whoa!
[Coughing]
I meant to do that
to him!
Neptune's trident
doesn't work so good
for dry land rats.
Allow me.
Huh? Oh!
Whoa! Whoo!
[Grunting]
You want to mess
with a real dragon?
Mess with me!
Eh, whatever you say.
Hey! You can't
use the trident!
I don't have a trident!
That's just not fair!
Now why don't you
just dry up
and blow away?
Rarr!
You think
you can dry me up
with your dragon fire?
I rule the seas,
and, soon, all
of your land as well!
Actually, it wasn't you
I was talking to.
[Sea serpent moans]
[Panting]
Unh!
No, no, no!
No!
Thank you.
No!
[Gasping for air]
Thanks.
You may be a jerk,
but you're family.
I know exactly
what you mean.
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Gut 'em! Gut 'em!
You think he would've
said somethin'
if that's
what he wanted.
Should we make a call?
Jake: Game's up,
shark dudes!
Hey!
Hey!
[Shouting]
I think I'm gettin'
the hang of this thing.
Great work, kid.
I'm so proud
of you.
Let's hear it
for Jake!
That's what I'm
talkin' about.
Well, actually,
I couldn't have done it
without Gregory.
Yeah, and I think you're
gonna have to make
a permanent place for me
at the adult table,
once you hear
how I had to save.
Jake's little baby
dwagon tail.
Ok, that is it!
Wah!
Aah-ha! Mommy!
Susan,
control your child!
Oh! Put a sock
in it, Cathy!
What?!
You heard me!
[Everyone arguing]
I put crab
down your back!
Ow! And I'm tired
of pretending
your kids aren't
degenerate monsters!
Hey!
Take it back!
You can't say that
to me!
So, uh, I'll just
be taking these guys
to shark prison then.
Hey, after dinner
with these freaks,
prison sounds
like a dream.
[Arguing]
What in the name of
family dysfunction
is goin' on here?
Honey! You Made it.
This is not what
family reunions
are about!
Actually, in this family,
it usually is.
We have been actin'
like a bunch
of spoiled kids,
especially me.
Me, too,
and I'm sorry.
But what are
you gonna do?
To family?
To family.
Mmm, mmm, mmm!
This spread
looks delish!
You don't know what
you're missin', people!
Ha ha ha!
[All laughing
and talking]
I don't think
we're missin' anything.
What's that shark
gonna hurl up next?
Jake: Anchor!
I guess anchor!
Haley: It's
a scuba tank!
Dog fu:
Anchor it is!
Round two! Take a guess
what's comin' up the pipe.
Snorkel!
Pizza!
I had
a gut feeling.
Looks like
it's a biggie this time.
Uh, well, I was wonderin'
where they've been
all episode.
We'll eat anything.
Heh heh.