Animaniacs (2020) s02e13 Episode Script

heroic music playing ♪
‐ '80s Cats ♪
YAKKO: '80s ♪
'80s '80s ♪
'80s cats ho! ♪
‐ '80s Cats are on the lot ♪
'80s Cats are back ♪
See the big hair, pump those sneaks ♪
'80s Cats attack ♪
'80s, '80s, '80s, '80s Cats ♪
'80s, '80s, '80s, '80s Cats ♪
'80s, '80s, '80s, '80s Cats ♪
'80s Cats! ♪
theme song playing ♪
‐ It's time for Animaniacs! ♪
And we're zany to the max ♪
So just sit back and relax ♪
You'll laugh till you collapse ♪
We're Animaniacs! ♪
‐ Come join the Warner Brothers ♪
‐ And the Warner Sister Dot ♪
Just for fun, we run around
the Warner movie lot ♪
They lock us in the tower
whenever we get caught ♪
But we break loose and then vamoose
and now you know the plot ♪
We're Animaniacs ♪
Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪
Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
Our careers have made comebacks ♪
We're Animaniacs! ♪
Meet Pinky and the Brain
who want to rule the universe ♪
A brand new cast who tested well
in focus group research ♪
Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪
And ethnically diverse ♪
The trolls will say we're so passé,
but we did meta first ♪
We're Animaniacs ♪
You should see our new contracts ♪
We're zany to the max,
there's baloney in our slacks ♪
We're animan‐ey, totally insane‐y ♪
‐ Baby Brain‐ey ♪
‐ Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪
♪
Colonial era‐style music ♪
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN: Let's see.
"Penny saved is a penny you still have."
No, no, no, no, no!
"Penny saved is worth two in the bush."
No, no, no!
Confound it all!
It's too cold to think!
I'm having brain freeze!
[coughing]
[hissing]
Blasted stove!
[grunts]
[grunts] Huh?
[knocking]
Yes, what is it?
‐ We're the Brothers Warner!
‐ And the Brothers Warner's sister, Dot!
‐ We saw in the paper that you're
looking for an apprentice.
‐ Mm, no. I believe you're
mistaken. Goodbye!
‐ But we saw it right here,
in the "claffifieds."
‐ It's classifieds, not claffifieds!
‐ Really? Looks like you "miffpelled" it.
‐ How dare you! I did no such thing.
‐ Oh‐ho‐ho! We could do
without the attitude, "mifter"!
‐ So "unneceffary."
‐ I'm sorry. I don't have
time to entertain visitors
at the moment.
I have to fix my blasted fireplace
before I freeze to death!
WARNERS: Wait!
‐ You've got to help us!
‐ We need an apprenticeship,
or we'll be stuck out in the cold!
‐ Come on, Frankie!
We've been all over town looking for work!
We got turned down by the blacksmith,
the silversmith, the locksmith
‐ The Sam‐Smith offered us a job, but
‐ Stay with me, Warners ♪
One dame, two esquires ♪
For thine zany presence ♪
Is all I require ♪
‐ Ugh. He's a little clingy.
No. Thank. You.
sad music playing ♪
‐ Think about it, Frankie!
You need a hand around here,
and we need a place to stay.
Because
‐ Be gone, vile peasants!
I have a stove to fix!
YAKKO: Well, there's your problem.
‐ Ah!
You got a straight‐o where
there should be a curvy,
and a curvy where there
should be a straight‐o.
[banging, clanging, smashing]
There!
‐ Why, it's brilliant!
‐ Smoke goes out, heat stays in.
And all it took was a little kink.
FRANKLIN: It's perfect.
I have to spread the word. Wait! No!
I must get to the patent office.
Every household in
the colonies is gonna want
a Franklin stove!
‐ Unbelievable.
I was gonna call it Yakko's Piping
Hot Stovepipe Benderama!
‐ Yeah. Maybe keep pitching on that.
♪
‐ Apprentices! Where are my glasses?
‐ They're right between
your nose and your eyebrows.
‐ No, no. These are my regular glasses.
I don't need my regular glasses.
I need my reading glasses.
‐ Well, they couldn't have gone far.
Here, boy! [kissing]
[whimpering, shivering]
There you are!
You gave us quite a fright, didn't you?
Who gave us a fright?
You did! You did!
[barking]
FRANKLIN: Come here!
[crunch]
‐ You know, sweetie, you wouldn't lose
them if you kept them on your face.
‐ Two pairs of glasses at once?
That's rich. How do you propose I do that?
‐ Allow me!
Careful Careful now
[exclaims]
‐ Imbecile! You've destroyed
my spectacles!
‐ Oh. I suppose I have. Hang on.
There.
Top's for looking,
bottom's for booking.
‐ One pair of spectacles
with two focal lengths! Incredible!
I dare say these bifocal lenses
are my greatest invention yet!
‐ Your greatest invention?!
‐ Hm? What's that? Oh, that's right.
[scary voice] Mine.
‐ Alright, what gives, pal?
We're doing all the work around here,
and you're taking all the credit!
‐ Well, the credit is mine after all.
Did you not read your
apprenticeship contract?
All ideas, inventions, improvements,
and improvisations
devised by the apprentices
shall become property
of their employer.
Which is me.
‐ We must've skimmed over that part.
‐ I told you to read it slowly.
After all, haste makes waste.
FRANKLIN:
That includes pithy aphorisms.
What'd you say?
"Haste makes waste."
Short, memorable, and it rhymes,
so everyone will think I'm clever!
Perfect! [laughs]
Well, off to the patent office.
Or should I go to
the publishing house first?
Wait, I know. The bank!
ALL: Hey!
‐ You can't just steal all our ideas
and claim them as your own!
‐ We can expose you, you know!
‐ Ah, bup‐bup‐bup, careful.
It's still a family show.
‐ Oh, I'm so scared.
And who will the people believe?
You, a lowly apprentice?
Or me, Benjamin Franklin?
Everyone knows I keep it 100.
Now, I can trust you to
keep our little arrangement
to yourselves, yes?
‐ Alright, Warners, we have two choices.
We can walk away from this situation
in a calm and professional manner,
or we can annoy him with our zany antics.
Now, before you decide‐‐
BOTH: Antics! Antics!
‐ Well, who am I to argue with the people?
Cue the antics!
♪
‐ Hm. Will I need a jacket today?
Ah, sunny and warm. I guess not.
[pen scratching]
[thunder, rain]
[scream] Ah!
Confound it!
[grunts]
[birds chirping]
Ah! [panting]
What is wrong with
the blasted weather today?
♪
[thunder]
[screaming]
[groans]
[sighs]
[rumbling]
[yelling]
Ah!
[wind blowing]
[grunts]
[panting]
[buzzing]
[screaming]
[growling]
[grunts]
[screaming]
Ah, that's the stuff.
‐ Ugh.
♪
‐ Let's see.
Address the Continental Congress at 7:00.
Perfect. Just enough time
for a quick jam sesh.
♪
[sighs] Boy, I love classical music.
Or as I like to call it, music.
Wait a minute
[struggling, mumbling]
[groaning]
[laughter]
But we must ask ourselves
will history remember us
as revolutionaries or as traitors?
Nevertheless, we must all hang together,
[laughter continues]
or assuredly we will hang
separately! Ow!
[screaming, crash]
[laughter]
[Yakko laughing]
‐ We hold this comedy
to be self‐evident!
‐ You said it, Hancock!
We're allowed to say that, right?
‐ Apprentices!
[smash]
I've had enough of your shenanigans.
You've overstayed your welcome,
and I want you out of this workshop!
[door creaking, falls over]
‐ Okay. We'll leave.
‐ Yeah, we were on the cusp
of a huge scientific breakthrough.
But, if that's not your thing‐‐
FRANKLIN: Scientific breakthrough?
No, no! Those are very much
my thing! Tell me more!
‐ Well, we can tell you,
but it'd be better to show you.
♪
‐ We call it the lightning rod.
‐ I love it. Remind me to write it down.
‐ Will do, Benny‐boo.
Now, just hold that sword way up high.
Make sure the big angry
cloud over there can see it.
‐ [muffled]: Okay!
♪
[yelling]
[fizzling]
[ding]
[wheezing]
‐ I guess you could
call him the original
grounding father.
[gulp]
♪
♪
♪
‐ Hey, sibs! Remember when
we had our DNA tested?
Come on, sure you do!
A neat little kit came in the mail,
we spit into a tube, we sent it back
to a genetic testing service,
and now third‐parties, governments,
and law enforcement agencies
of unprecedented levels have
access to our personal genomes?
‐ No.
‐ Not really.
‐ Me neither, but the results are back!
WAKKO/DOT: Yay!
‐ Ooh! Apparently, we have sticky earwax,
extra hairy belly buttons,
and we're in the 99 percentile
of Neanderthals.
‐ Ooh!
Does it say what kind of animal we are?
‐ Nope, but it does tell us if we have
any DNA relatives we didn't know about.
[click, beeping]
ALL:
[gasp] No way!
‐ Wait.
[all yelling]
‐ So, uh, what I'm saying is
[straining]
I've been a good boy
and deserve a money treat.
[groans]
Or, at least basic health "insurgence."
NORA: Paying a monthly gym
membership is so ridiculous
when I can work out from the comfort
of my own office, don't you agree?
‐ [groans] I think my stomach needs to go
to the cemetery.
ALL:
Nora!
[laughing]
‐ [kiss] Just look at you.
I can't believe how tall you've gotten.
‐ So, when can we expect grandchildren?
I can't wait to spoil the little ones,
while I judge your parenting.
‐ Ralph! Do something!
‐ Duh, okay!
ballet music ♪
‐ No! Kick them out! [grunts]
[Warners screaming]
[grunts]
‐ Duh, okay!
♪
Duh‐‐ [screaming]
[thud]
[church bell]
‐ We're just trying to
spend quality time with you.
Our DNA test said we're your family.
‐ [scoffs] If I trusted every test I took,
I'd be in a hospital for
the criminally insane!
[maniacal laugh]
‐ Hey! What's this?
[cranking, pop]
[gasp] A family reunion!
‐ Ooh! Can I be the weird uncle
with the girlfriend nobody likes?
‐ You're not invited
because we're not related!
Besides, you don't wanna meet my family.
Our reunions are so competitive
that the three‐legged race
was suspended due to doping allegations.
And they weren't just allegations.
I'm still full of horse adrenaline.
[horse neigh]
The only Norita worth her salt
is my great‐grandmother.
She's the only reason I'm going.
‐ [gasp] Ooh! Who's our great‐grandmother?
‐ My Great‐Grandmother Flora
is the greatest businesswoman alive!
‐ Ah! [grunts]
‐ She rose through the ranks
to become the head of Mucho Teléfono,
the parent company of Warner Brothers!
‐ Sounds like a great lady.
Shame we'll never meet her
because we're definitely not going to
the family reunion, just like you asked.
Right, sibs?
‐ Right!
‐ [whisper]: So, is weird Uncle Wakko
inviting Tina to this reunion or what?
‐ Another work conflict
effectively handled.
You see, Nora?
And that's why you were named
"savviest under 70"
by Head Honcho Magazine.
‐ Duh, you said it, ma'am!
Uh, now, uh, getting back
to the question of my conversation
‐ Ralph, if you wanna prove
how invaluable you are,
go retrieve my kettle bell.
‐ Yes, ma'am!
[laughing]
[smash]
[groaning]
[thud, church bell]
fancy music ♪
CORA:
[scoffs] Mom, can we go now?
My friends and I have plans to sit in
a parking lot and look at our phones!
‐ Cora, we should at least
stay and say hello
to Great‐Grandmother Flora.
She's not going to be
around forever, you know.
‐ Well, well, well.
If it isn't our dear little sister.
Nora.
♪
‐ I know how much you make,
and it's more than this.
‐ Yeah. You really put
the dud in your duds.
‐ Mora, Theodora.
I'm surprised you made it.
I thought you'd be too
busy sunning on a hot rock
or shedding your skin.
‐ Oh, cool. Snake reference.
What? Did you just read
a snake book, snake nerd?
[clock chime]
[chiming]
[wind blowing, thunder]
♪
[thunder]
‐ [inhale]
‐ Speech! Speech!
‐ Yes, obviously that is
what I'm about to do.
[clears throat] It means so much for me
to see the blurry shapes
of everyone gathered here today.
But tonight is not just
an ordinary family reunion.
‐ Why not?
‐ Obviously, I was about to explain.
Tonight, I will host a little competition
for all my potential heirs,
and the winner will inherit
my fabulous estate!
[gasps, screaming]
‐ Ooh! A contest? Count us in, Gam Gam!
‐ Uh huh. I assume this
is going to be a classic
"chocolate factory tour to see
who's most deserving" type of thing.
Right?
‐ And if not,
we're also willing to
go full Hunger Games.
[hawk screech]
‐ Who are you? You see them, too, yes?
‐ We're the Norita Brothers!
‐ And the Norita Sister!
WARNERS:
We're your new relatives!
♪
‐ Uh, sorry, Great Grandmother Flora!
They're nobody.
‐ Is this true? I warn you.
I watch a lot of Tucker Carlson,
so I am very gullible.
Ah!
‐ Of course it's true!
And we've got the DNA results to prove it!
DOT: See? We're you're great‐great‐grand
cousins once bitten twice removed
on your brother's side.
So, what do you say?
Can we enter your competition?
‐ Please?
Pretty, pretty please?
‐ With Cousin Gary on top?
[baby cooing]
‐ Of course you can,
my dears. [laughs]
In fact,
you've already won the first challenge.
[Nora gasps]
‐ We have?
[crowd gasping]
‐ Yes! I needed someone
to fix my computer!
Now, I can finally print
my emails again.
‐ How'd you fix the computer, Yakko?
‐ I just plugged it in.
♪
[growls]
‐ In each round,
one of you will be brutally eliminated
for comedically failing at your task.
[laughs]
Come now! It is time to find out
who loves their Grandmama the most!
‐ Hey, Flora Dora,
hoo, Flora Dora ♪
Ha, Flora Dora, hoo ♪
Ha, Flora Dora ♪
Flobbity flay ♪
She plans to give her riches away ♪
Flora Dora, fanna the flames ♪
Only the worthiest wins at these games ♪
What if your grandmother's
kitty gets loose? ♪
Under the porch
or climbed up in a spruce ♪
If you want to win
at this fabulous fête ♪
You must care for her exotic pets ♪
Hey, Flora Dora ♪
Hoo, Flora Dora ♪
Ha, Flora Dora ♪
Flora Dora, floopity floo ♪
One got the boot,
now onto round two ♪
Flora Dora, flappity flong ♪
She forced us to learn
and practice this song ♪
Now, you must make a delectable treat ♪
That the Norita family eats ♪
You know the rules of reality shows ♪
The one without a cake must go ♪
Hey, Flora Dora,
hoo, Flora Dora ♪
Ha, Flora Dora ♪
Can you admire the albums she keeps ♪
They start in the '20s,
so don't fall asleep ♪
Rows of dead ancestors
in the background ♪
If you are bored,
than you have lost this round ♪
Flora Dora, crema de cream ♪
Though all her methods
seem quite extreme ♪
Flora Dora, all she wants to do ♪
Is have a pleasant visit with you ♪
Is have a pleasant visit with you ♪
‐ Congratulations, my dears!
You are the last ones in the competition.
‐ Gee, I almost forgot
it was a competition.
‐ We just loved getting to know you.
‐ More tea and cookies, Great Gammy?
‐ No cookies!
Grandma Flora, can't you see?
They just wanna get their sticky
little paws on the family fortune.
Flora hasn't worked her entire life
to give her money to parasites like you.
Money isn't something to be given away!
It's something to be hoarded and held
over the heads of the less fortunate!
‐ Oh, Nora, my sweet
[kiss]
You're such a disappointment.
Have I taught you nothing?
It is not enough to grow the business.
We must grow our family as well.
WARNERS:
Aw
‐ You're my best relatives!
You've won my fortune!
Barring any unlikely
last minute revelations.
[cheering]
[growling]
[knocking]
♪
‐ Stop everything! I have
a last minute revelation!
[thunder]
There's been a terrible mistake!
‐ Who are you?
‐ Madam, I work at
the genetic mix‐up department
at 23 & WB.
I only hope I got here in time to
stop you from giving away your estate
to the winner of a series
of carnival games.
But I see by these broken
frames I may be too late.
‐ How do you know all this?
‐ I work for a genetic testing service.
I know everything that was, everything
that is, and everything that will be.
Mind your step, by the way.
‐ Ah!
‐ I'm sorry, kids, but your DNA
results were switched with
‐ Ralphonzo!
[gasping]
‐ Look! A brown dime!
‐ Ralph, that's a penny.
What are you doing here?
‐ Duh! I got your kettle bell, Ms. Nora!
Sorry it took so long, but it fell
on a snake,
so I took it to a snake doctor,
and she told me it was just a garden hose.
But then, I took it to the hardware store,
and they said it was a snake!
So, somebody is lying to me
‐ It is not possible! It can't be!
Dear brother Ralphonzo!
‐ Duh, what's happening?
‐ Yeah, you said it, Ralph!
[imitating]:
Duh, what's happening?
‐ Look, everyone! He is the spitting image
of my favorite brother, Ralphonzo!
[all gasp]
♪
RALPH:
And‐and‐and‐a‐a‐and
we should do a movie
about flaming meatballs
that are superheroes!
So, one day, a giant meatball
crashes into the Earth,
and a baby
meatball comes out of it,
which is totally different from Superman.
And then, he grows up
and finds other warm, delicious meatballs,
and they can have their
own superpowers, too!
Then, this bad guy,
Mr. Fridge, which is totally
different from Mr. Freeze‐‐
tries to make them all cold.
So, they smash themselves together to form
a super‐snowball!
But out of meat.
Which brings us back to meatballs,
and there you go.
All tied up in a bow for you.
Can you read that back to me?
‐ No, absolutely not!
‐ Then, I'll say it again!
‐ Please don't. P For Pancetta,
Stew‐icide Squad,
and Wonder Woman Bread have already
been fast‐tracked.
Any more of your foolish ideas,
and you'll bankrupt this studio!
‐ Nora! You need to listen
to my long lost great nephew.
After all, as chairman,
he is your new boss.
‐ [sighs] Yes, Great Grandma Flora.
[beep]
Ah! Hyah!
[smash]
[shatter]
[thud]
[church bell]
[beep, whir]
‐ It sure is crazy how
the DNA testing service
swapped our DNA with Ralph's.
‐ Yup. Our real results were exactly
what we thought they'd be.
100% Termite Terrace.
‐ So, Ralph runs Warner Brothers now?
What a dramatic end of season cliffhanger!
‐ How will we get out
of this sticky wicket?
‐ Sounds like a problem for next season.
If there is one
‐ Guess we'll wait here until
they make more new episodes,
just like we did in the '90s
‐ This time, I wonder if we'll dream
♪
♪