Breaking In (2011) s02e13 Episode Script
Episode XIII
Morning, boss.
Top of the morning to you.
Got a little mission for you.
I'm kind of busy.
You got 15 seconds to defuse this bomb, or we're all pink mist.
What? No! I'm a hacker! I don't know how to do this! Consider it a pop quiz.
Uh Uh Uh Oh, no, I don't Uh, uh Google.
Google.
Okay.
"Giant bombs.
" No, no, not Nicolas Cage movies! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! Oh! Classic Oz.
What'd he do this time? Oh, dude.
Another one of his stupid tests.
Seriously, dude, I'm sick of 'em.
Oh! Okay.
Find your way home, using only these items.
Bowie knife, matches, some olives.
See you back at the office, kid! I mean, seriously, what is he always testing me for? I wish he'd just leave me alone and let me hack.
I'm not a leader.
I'll never say, "I'll allow it," like he does.
Hello.
I'm looking for my niece, Molly Hughes.
Holy balls! It's him! It's him! Hi.
It's him.
It's Peter Mayhew.
It's Chewbacca! Do you know what this means? This means I'm in love with the uncle of the woman that I'm in love with.
Okay, well, they're coming over here, so get yourself together.
I can't, I can't.
I can't.
He was inside one of my favorite characters of all time.
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! Cameron, my uncle needs Oz's help.
Uh, okay, cool.
Let's go to the conference room.
Well, actually, the conference room is currently unavailable.
Oh, hey, guys.
Check it out.
It's the toy piano from that movie with Tom Hanks where that lady rapes a kid.
Actually, this job is rather, uh, delicate.
Is there somewhere we could go to be more discreet? What are you doing? Uh, uh, nothing.
All right, Mr.
Mayhew.
You're off the grid.
What's the story? I was in a moving picture called Star Wars.
Hmm.
My character was named Chewbacca.
Um, yeah, we've all seen it.
Uncle Peter was scheduled to do a fan convention in San Diego.
As always, he traveled with the original Chewbacca suit.
Someone stole it and mocked us in the process.
Any ideas on who snaked your space mink? Well, it could be anyone.
One collector offered $5 million for it, and my uncle is willing to pay half that for its return.
Well, you two are in luck.
You'll get the friends-and-family discount.
We'll do it for $2 million flat.
Deal.
Do what it takes, and no questions asked.
We're gonna punch it, Chewie.
Molly, hold up.
You never told me you're from Wookiee blood.
You said you never saw Star Wars.
I never did, and I never will.
Are you crazy? That movie was the best thing in my childhood.
Well, it was the worst thing about mine.
When I was a child, everyone pretended to be my friend just so they could meet a walking carpet.
Kids can be so cruel.
Can we do dinner with your uncle tonight? Molly.
It'll be my treat.
Dude, it's just a guy in a suit.
You're a guy in a suit.
Why are you doing this, man? Dude, 'cause I'm scary like that Shutty.
Look who just found the Wook-napper.
His name is Bobby Fettman.
They call him the Bounty Hunter.
The Bounty Hunter? Legend has it he has a subterranean bunker with all top collectibles.
It's nerd-vana.
It makes no sense.
Why would he post pictures of himself in the stolen suit? You don't get it! Okay? This is the Chewie suit.
Original silky yak hair.
If you slip it on, you gotta show it off.
I'm glad you speak his language, but this punk is going down.
The only thing, it's gotta be on the DL.
Veronica cannot know about it.
Why? Because this $2 million gives me enough to exercise a buyback clause in my contract with OCP.
It's time, kiddies.
We are getting the company back.
Oh, yeah.
We got your back Okay, boys, I bought us some time.
I challenged Vee and Creepy C that they couldn't play Chopsticks without screwing it up.
Dun, dun, dun.
Dun, dun, dun, dun.
Carol! Sorry! I don't know this song! I said an "E," not a "C" sharp! Your hammer toe is getting in the way of your dancing! Sounds like we got about an hour.
What's the skinny on Fettman? Did a little digging and found our in.
Fettman spends all his time at this seedy bar in the valley, trying to pick up girls, and he's got a very specific type.
There's a striking resemblance to Veronica! Hey, it's really sounding great, you two.
Uh, Vee, would you mind helping us out with a little job-ski? No way.
Not until Carol and I nail this.
I need you to seduce a billionaire.
Bye, Carol.
Man.
This place looks kind of rough.
You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
I've been to worse.
At least this place doesn't have a concrete floor with a drain in the middle.
Okay, I have eyes on Fettman.
He's in the back booth.
Let's rock 'n' roll.
We get that phone, we hack into his life.
You ready, Vee? Yeah, we're ready.
Oops.
You dropped your purse.
Oh.
Why, thank you, sir.
Do you want to sit down? Of course.
I'm Bobby Fettman.
Can I buy you a libation? I'm Blanche Deveraux.
Just a moist Southern peach waiting to be plucked.
Hello there, beautiful.
Can I buy you a drink? Oh.
Can't you see the lady is with someone? Oh, why, two gentleman callers? Are you boys gonna fight over little ol' me? Nah.
You know what? On, uh, closer inspection, she's all yours.
I swiped his cell phone.
Chop chop, Cam.
It's only a matter of time before he finds out about the phone and the phony accent.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Okay.
Downloaded.
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
This is what I look like when I bounce.
You're really good at it, too.
Ohh.
Okay.
Thanks for the drink.
I'm out of here.
Wait, but you laugh so good.
Hey, can I just buy you some expensive things sometime, um, if you like that sort of thing? Well, I suppose I could dally.
He doesn't like you.
I'm Sorry? I don't like you, either.
This is not the dork you're looking for.
This is not the dork we're looking for.
Go back to your drinks.
Let's go back to our drinks.
Let's hit it, kid.
Hey, Oz, thanks for saving my ass last night with some kind of freaky mind control.
"Mind control?" Don't be ridiculous.
They just saw the butt of my Glock, but you should know that once I get Contra back, I'm not always gonna be around to protect you.
Why? Where are you gonna be? Uh, drumming up business, hanging with sheiks, backing military coups, general globe-trotter-y.
Once I'm gone, you are gonna be the guy sitting in that Kirk chair, running the ship.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm not a captain.
I'm like the guy in the red shirt that stands in the corner, that nobody bothers.
Yeah, but that guy dies.
Let's go see what you got off Fettman's phone.
Come on.
Fettman had everything on his phone, alarm codes, passwords, including schematics and blueprints for his home.
Wow.
You mean he built his very own Death Star? Really? That's so Awesome! Well, I was gonna say silly.
This is so badass.
I bet you he had little cleaning droids that went around and vacuumed the whole joint.
You mean a Roomba? A Roomba? George Lucas thought of it first.
Well, if you want to get technical, it was actually the Jetsons.
That's the future.
This was a long, long time ago.
Like, how long? Like, a long time ago.
Eons.
But, like, in years? I'm just confused.
I'm trying to tell you, dude, an eon was, like, billions of years ago, dude.
But in time, like, what, is there dates? You're acting like a bitch right now.
Ohh Cam? Stop provoking him.
Cash, stop being you.
Gentlemen, it is, after all, just a film.
That cuts deep.
Um, I got a phone message from a "Bobby Fettman.
" Fettman? It says, "Know what you're planning, I do.
Fail, you will.
"Suck it, you must.
" He's either foreign or dyslexic.
He's neither.
You read it like this.
Mmm.
"Fail, you will.
Suck it, you must.
" Oh, a stroke.
My grandmother had one of those.
She's always like, "Wash my feet, you will.
" Fettman knows what we're planning? How? Well, what was I supposed to do? He bribed me with shoes and orgasms! I was loud and clear.
I said, distract the man.
That's it! And I did, three times.
Well, two and a half.
His lightsaber misfired this morning.
Whoa.
Whoa.
You went to his house? Oh, my.
Look at this thing.
Reminds me of my second husband.
He was Armenian.
This is my most recent and prized acquisition.
Oh.
It's the original Chewbacca suit.
Oh, is this the thing everybody's been trying to steal back from you? Who's "everyone?" Come on.
Forget about it.
It's just one job.
No, no, it's not just one job.
It's the job.
This is the one that was gonna get me enough money to buy the company back.
Oh, my God.
That would be fantastic.
Then we could be partners! Let me put this to you in the quickest way I possibly can.
Never! Whoa.
Heh.
Maybe I'm reading into this, but that almost kind of sounds like you want to get rid of me.
Okay.
I'm in the Fettman compound.
Oh, he knew we were coming, all right.
There's unfriendlies everywhere.
Oz, what are we gonna do? Oz? You copy? Oh, he copies.
He just can't respond.
Why don't you just go on home, and nobody gets hurt? All right, Fettman, listen up.
You screw with my boss, you screw with me.
You're gonna feel the force.
The force of my foot in your ass! Bring it.
I'll be waiting.
Still want this? Can you not take this back because your arms are being held? I'm sorry.
I'll keep it then.
All right, guys.
He's got our boss and a $2-million monkey suit, and we're not leaving without both of them.
But there's no way in.
We can go in through the thermal exhaust port.
Dude, there's no way he's leaving a totally vulnerable gaping hole that leads into this compound.
Dude, the exhaust port's right there.
See? He made a perfect Death Star.
What's a Death Star? Am I too late? What are you doing here? What do you mean? I'm here to help fix this mess.
It's not fixable.
Let's just call the authorities.
No, we can't.
We're the ones breaking into his place.
Vee's the only one that's been on the inside.
We need her.
You're really gonna let her come? I'll allow it.
Told you they had cleaning droids.
Also known as Roombas.
Shh! Come on.
This way.
How do you know? All these corridors look exactly the same.
Fettman gave me a tour of his place right before I gave him a tour of My place.
Yeah.
We made out over there.
Skinned my knee back there.
Oh! Look, it's my lucky undies.
It's like a trail of slutty bread crumbs.
Okay.
This is it.
This is where he keeps his chalupa costume.
It's Chewba I'm surrounded by ignorance! Someone's coming.
Took me eight years of construction to build this place.
Well, your neighbors must have been delighted.
Be honest.
The pad is pretty stellar, right? Reeks of desperation.
Desperate? Please.
You see that babe I brought home last night? Yeah, I did.
Did you? Gonk.
Gonk, gonk.
Gonk, gonk.
Gonk, gonk.
Gonk, gonk.
Gonk.
Run away.
Run away.
Run away.
Run away.
Run away.
Run away.
Okay.
You guys get the suit.
I'm gonna rescue Oz.
No.
That's a bad idea.
He's flanked by Imperial guards.
That's eight against one.
Never tell me the odds.
What now? Now we go inside.
I know the code.
I saw him punch it in last night.
I remembered it because it's the year I was born, 1983.
Holy Grail! Just kill me and bury me here.
It's so beautiful.
Oh, my Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Ooh.
Yoda.
Ooh.
Jabba! Look, Molly, look! There it is, my uncle's fuzzy suit.
It's a trap! We gotta get out of here! Take that off! No, he's got, like, 20 of 'em.
He's not gonna miss one.
What the hell are you doing? Well, somebody's gotta save our skins.
Quick.
Into the air vent.
Whoo! Ladies first.
Go.
Bottoms up.
Whee! Aah.
Ohh! Aah! Oh, Cash.
Uhh! I'm gonna try the door.
Oh! It's locked! I got a bad feeling about this.
Oh, my goodness! It smells like feet! Something just moved past my leg! Oh, God! Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my God.
Aah! Aah! Aah! Oh, it's a garden hose.
We're good.
What's happening? We're in a trash compactor! We're gonna be squished to death! And it's awesome! But it's incredibly terrifying! But it's awesome! This is why I hate Star Wars, because we're all going to die.
But I've never lived! Well, one thing's for sure, we're all gonna be a lot thinner.
Well, that doesn't sound so bad! Cameron, get us out of here! Cam! Aah! Cameron! Cameron! Cameron! Where could he be? Ow! Ow.
Ow.
You're beaten.
It's pointless to resist.
What the hell, man? Did you just tase me in the ass? This isn't a taser.
This is a lightsaber prototype.
I spent decades developing it.
It's basically a high-powered cattle prod.
Ow, ow! Ow! Come on! I'm not a cow, dude! Ow! I know that girlie scream! That's Cam! Cam! We're down here! Help us! Cameron! Cameron! Shut down the trash compactor on the basement level! Shut down the trash compactor on the basement level! What are they doing in the trash compactor? They could get seriously injured down there.
Oh.
Oh, this is vile.
Vile! Yes! Whoo! Oh, my God! Oh! Oh! Yes! Yes, buddy, yes! Cameron, yeah! Oh, you're a lifesaver! Oh, my God! You're welcome.
All right.
Glad to know we can all behave like normal people.
Ow! Come That is it.
You are going down.
You are going down.
I'm just How do you turn Is there, like, a button? It's not a baton, you moron.
Like, maybe a slide-y thing? I thought Push the No.
You see, it slides Oh.
You see See that? Yeah Oh, thank you.
You're welcome.
All right.
Let's do this.
No.
Let me give you a hand with that.
One more step, and I fry his eggs! Cameron, don't do it.
I am your father.
Dude, we're, like, the same age.
I know, but, in all seriousness, I'm your brother.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
Fist of fury coming through.
You're all clear, kid.
Let's blow this thing and go home.
You thought it was gonna be that easy? I saved the baddest-ass for last.
Shadoobie.
Todd? Oz.
Haven't seen you since the KGB.
What? Sorry about all this.
Just doing a bit of freelance.
Hey, I totally get it, man.
Times are tough.
Seriously? You even know the guards? Were we ever even in danger? Nah.
But you passed the test.
Told you, you were a leader.
Friendship and loyalty.
That's the true force that binds the galaxy together.
Uh, why don't you guys just kiss already and get the hell out of my house? And you're fired.
Oh, you're fired.
Suck it.
Let's go.
Thank you, Oz.
As promised, your payment, but perhaps, since we all had such a lovely adventure, we could just call it a pro bono.
Deposited.
Excellent.
Why, you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerd Nerf herder.
"Nerf herder?" Slave Leia updo? For the love of Lucas, you know stuff.
Well, I thought, after this whole ordeal, I'd finally watch the Wars.
Oh, you watched my remake? He told me you killed him! No.
I am your father.
No! It was just so romantic.
I was rooting for Luke and Leia to get together right from the beginning Well, I mean, right up until you realize that she was his sister.
And then those cute little Care Bears in the forest Ewoks, but we'll get there.
Have you watched the prequels yet? No.
I was thinking, you know, heh, maybe we could watch 'em together.
Oh.
Menace is underrated, but Sith totally deepens the legend of Vader.
Okay, that all sort of for me, but, well, I'm game if you are.
I love you.
I know.
I guess this is good-bye, huh, Oz? You don't want this? You You want me to stay? I can't believe I'm actually gonna say these words, but, uh, I'll allow it.
How come I didn't get a medal? I got your medal right here, brother.
Face! Whoo! Guess who's back? Did we win, like, a track meet or something? I don't know, man.
This place is weird.
Top of the morning to you.
Got a little mission for you.
I'm kind of busy.
You got 15 seconds to defuse this bomb, or we're all pink mist.
What? No! I'm a hacker! I don't know how to do this! Consider it a pop quiz.
Uh Uh Uh Oh, no, I don't Uh, uh Google.
Google.
Okay.
"Giant bombs.
" No, no, not Nicolas Cage movies! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! Oh! Classic Oz.
What'd he do this time? Oh, dude.
Another one of his stupid tests.
Seriously, dude, I'm sick of 'em.
Oh! Okay.
Find your way home, using only these items.
Bowie knife, matches, some olives.
See you back at the office, kid! I mean, seriously, what is he always testing me for? I wish he'd just leave me alone and let me hack.
I'm not a leader.
I'll never say, "I'll allow it," like he does.
Hello.
I'm looking for my niece, Molly Hughes.
Holy balls! It's him! It's him! Hi.
It's him.
It's Peter Mayhew.
It's Chewbacca! Do you know what this means? This means I'm in love with the uncle of the woman that I'm in love with.
Okay, well, they're coming over here, so get yourself together.
I can't, I can't.
I can't.
He was inside one of my favorite characters of all time.
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! Cameron, my uncle needs Oz's help.
Uh, okay, cool.
Let's go to the conference room.
Well, actually, the conference room is currently unavailable.
Oh, hey, guys.
Check it out.
It's the toy piano from that movie with Tom Hanks where that lady rapes a kid.
Actually, this job is rather, uh, delicate.
Is there somewhere we could go to be more discreet? What are you doing? Uh, uh, nothing.
All right, Mr.
Mayhew.
You're off the grid.
What's the story? I was in a moving picture called Star Wars.
Hmm.
My character was named Chewbacca.
Um, yeah, we've all seen it.
Uncle Peter was scheduled to do a fan convention in San Diego.
As always, he traveled with the original Chewbacca suit.
Someone stole it and mocked us in the process.
Any ideas on who snaked your space mink? Well, it could be anyone.
One collector offered $5 million for it, and my uncle is willing to pay half that for its return.
Well, you two are in luck.
You'll get the friends-and-family discount.
We'll do it for $2 million flat.
Deal.
Do what it takes, and no questions asked.
We're gonna punch it, Chewie.
Molly, hold up.
You never told me you're from Wookiee blood.
You said you never saw Star Wars.
I never did, and I never will.
Are you crazy? That movie was the best thing in my childhood.
Well, it was the worst thing about mine.
When I was a child, everyone pretended to be my friend just so they could meet a walking carpet.
Kids can be so cruel.
Can we do dinner with your uncle tonight? Molly.
It'll be my treat.
Dude, it's just a guy in a suit.
You're a guy in a suit.
Why are you doing this, man? Dude, 'cause I'm scary like that Shutty.
Look who just found the Wook-napper.
His name is Bobby Fettman.
They call him the Bounty Hunter.
The Bounty Hunter? Legend has it he has a subterranean bunker with all top collectibles.
It's nerd-vana.
It makes no sense.
Why would he post pictures of himself in the stolen suit? You don't get it! Okay? This is the Chewie suit.
Original silky yak hair.
If you slip it on, you gotta show it off.
I'm glad you speak his language, but this punk is going down.
The only thing, it's gotta be on the DL.
Veronica cannot know about it.
Why? Because this $2 million gives me enough to exercise a buyback clause in my contract with OCP.
It's time, kiddies.
We are getting the company back.
Oh, yeah.
We got your back Okay, boys, I bought us some time.
I challenged Vee and Creepy C that they couldn't play Chopsticks without screwing it up.
Dun, dun, dun.
Dun, dun, dun, dun.
Carol! Sorry! I don't know this song! I said an "E," not a "C" sharp! Your hammer toe is getting in the way of your dancing! Sounds like we got about an hour.
What's the skinny on Fettman? Did a little digging and found our in.
Fettman spends all his time at this seedy bar in the valley, trying to pick up girls, and he's got a very specific type.
There's a striking resemblance to Veronica! Hey, it's really sounding great, you two.
Uh, Vee, would you mind helping us out with a little job-ski? No way.
Not until Carol and I nail this.
I need you to seduce a billionaire.
Bye, Carol.
Man.
This place looks kind of rough.
You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
I've been to worse.
At least this place doesn't have a concrete floor with a drain in the middle.
Okay, I have eyes on Fettman.
He's in the back booth.
Let's rock 'n' roll.
We get that phone, we hack into his life.
You ready, Vee? Yeah, we're ready.
Oops.
You dropped your purse.
Oh.
Why, thank you, sir.
Do you want to sit down? Of course.
I'm Bobby Fettman.
Can I buy you a libation? I'm Blanche Deveraux.
Just a moist Southern peach waiting to be plucked.
Hello there, beautiful.
Can I buy you a drink? Oh.
Can't you see the lady is with someone? Oh, why, two gentleman callers? Are you boys gonna fight over little ol' me? Nah.
You know what? On, uh, closer inspection, she's all yours.
I swiped his cell phone.
Chop chop, Cam.
It's only a matter of time before he finds out about the phone and the phony accent.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Okay.
Downloaded.
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
This is what I look like when I bounce.
You're really good at it, too.
Ohh.
Okay.
Thanks for the drink.
I'm out of here.
Wait, but you laugh so good.
Hey, can I just buy you some expensive things sometime, um, if you like that sort of thing? Well, I suppose I could dally.
He doesn't like you.
I'm Sorry? I don't like you, either.
This is not the dork you're looking for.
This is not the dork we're looking for.
Go back to your drinks.
Let's go back to our drinks.
Let's hit it, kid.
Hey, Oz, thanks for saving my ass last night with some kind of freaky mind control.
"Mind control?" Don't be ridiculous.
They just saw the butt of my Glock, but you should know that once I get Contra back, I'm not always gonna be around to protect you.
Why? Where are you gonna be? Uh, drumming up business, hanging with sheiks, backing military coups, general globe-trotter-y.
Once I'm gone, you are gonna be the guy sitting in that Kirk chair, running the ship.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm not a captain.
I'm like the guy in the red shirt that stands in the corner, that nobody bothers.
Yeah, but that guy dies.
Let's go see what you got off Fettman's phone.
Come on.
Fettman had everything on his phone, alarm codes, passwords, including schematics and blueprints for his home.
Wow.
You mean he built his very own Death Star? Really? That's so Awesome! Well, I was gonna say silly.
This is so badass.
I bet you he had little cleaning droids that went around and vacuumed the whole joint.
You mean a Roomba? A Roomba? George Lucas thought of it first.
Well, if you want to get technical, it was actually the Jetsons.
That's the future.
This was a long, long time ago.
Like, how long? Like, a long time ago.
Eons.
But, like, in years? I'm just confused.
I'm trying to tell you, dude, an eon was, like, billions of years ago, dude.
But in time, like, what, is there dates? You're acting like a bitch right now.
Ohh Cam? Stop provoking him.
Cash, stop being you.
Gentlemen, it is, after all, just a film.
That cuts deep.
Um, I got a phone message from a "Bobby Fettman.
" Fettman? It says, "Know what you're planning, I do.
Fail, you will.
"Suck it, you must.
" He's either foreign or dyslexic.
He's neither.
You read it like this.
Mmm.
"Fail, you will.
Suck it, you must.
" Oh, a stroke.
My grandmother had one of those.
She's always like, "Wash my feet, you will.
" Fettman knows what we're planning? How? Well, what was I supposed to do? He bribed me with shoes and orgasms! I was loud and clear.
I said, distract the man.
That's it! And I did, three times.
Well, two and a half.
His lightsaber misfired this morning.
Whoa.
Whoa.
You went to his house? Oh, my.
Look at this thing.
Reminds me of my second husband.
He was Armenian.
This is my most recent and prized acquisition.
Oh.
It's the original Chewbacca suit.
Oh, is this the thing everybody's been trying to steal back from you? Who's "everyone?" Come on.
Forget about it.
It's just one job.
No, no, it's not just one job.
It's the job.
This is the one that was gonna get me enough money to buy the company back.
Oh, my God.
That would be fantastic.
Then we could be partners! Let me put this to you in the quickest way I possibly can.
Never! Whoa.
Heh.
Maybe I'm reading into this, but that almost kind of sounds like you want to get rid of me.
Okay.
I'm in the Fettman compound.
Oh, he knew we were coming, all right.
There's unfriendlies everywhere.
Oz, what are we gonna do? Oz? You copy? Oh, he copies.
He just can't respond.
Why don't you just go on home, and nobody gets hurt? All right, Fettman, listen up.
You screw with my boss, you screw with me.
You're gonna feel the force.
The force of my foot in your ass! Bring it.
I'll be waiting.
Still want this? Can you not take this back because your arms are being held? I'm sorry.
I'll keep it then.
All right, guys.
He's got our boss and a $2-million monkey suit, and we're not leaving without both of them.
But there's no way in.
We can go in through the thermal exhaust port.
Dude, there's no way he's leaving a totally vulnerable gaping hole that leads into this compound.
Dude, the exhaust port's right there.
See? He made a perfect Death Star.
What's a Death Star? Am I too late? What are you doing here? What do you mean? I'm here to help fix this mess.
It's not fixable.
Let's just call the authorities.
No, we can't.
We're the ones breaking into his place.
Vee's the only one that's been on the inside.
We need her.
You're really gonna let her come? I'll allow it.
Told you they had cleaning droids.
Also known as Roombas.
Shh! Come on.
This way.
How do you know? All these corridors look exactly the same.
Fettman gave me a tour of his place right before I gave him a tour of My place.
Yeah.
We made out over there.
Skinned my knee back there.
Oh! Look, it's my lucky undies.
It's like a trail of slutty bread crumbs.
Okay.
This is it.
This is where he keeps his chalupa costume.
It's Chewba I'm surrounded by ignorance! Someone's coming.
Took me eight years of construction to build this place.
Well, your neighbors must have been delighted.
Be honest.
The pad is pretty stellar, right? Reeks of desperation.
Desperate? Please.
You see that babe I brought home last night? Yeah, I did.
Did you? Gonk.
Gonk, gonk.
Gonk, gonk.
Gonk, gonk.
Gonk, gonk.
Gonk.
Run away.
Run away.
Run away.
Run away.
Run away.
Run away.
Okay.
You guys get the suit.
I'm gonna rescue Oz.
No.
That's a bad idea.
He's flanked by Imperial guards.
That's eight against one.
Never tell me the odds.
What now? Now we go inside.
I know the code.
I saw him punch it in last night.
I remembered it because it's the year I was born, 1983.
Holy Grail! Just kill me and bury me here.
It's so beautiful.
Oh, my Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Ooh.
Yoda.
Ooh.
Jabba! Look, Molly, look! There it is, my uncle's fuzzy suit.
It's a trap! We gotta get out of here! Take that off! No, he's got, like, 20 of 'em.
He's not gonna miss one.
What the hell are you doing? Well, somebody's gotta save our skins.
Quick.
Into the air vent.
Whoo! Ladies first.
Go.
Bottoms up.
Whee! Aah.
Ohh! Aah! Oh, Cash.
Uhh! I'm gonna try the door.
Oh! It's locked! I got a bad feeling about this.
Oh, my goodness! It smells like feet! Something just moved past my leg! Oh, God! Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my God.
Aah! Aah! Aah! Oh, it's a garden hose.
We're good.
What's happening? We're in a trash compactor! We're gonna be squished to death! And it's awesome! But it's incredibly terrifying! But it's awesome! This is why I hate Star Wars, because we're all going to die.
But I've never lived! Well, one thing's for sure, we're all gonna be a lot thinner.
Well, that doesn't sound so bad! Cameron, get us out of here! Cam! Aah! Cameron! Cameron! Cameron! Where could he be? Ow! Ow.
Ow.
You're beaten.
It's pointless to resist.
What the hell, man? Did you just tase me in the ass? This isn't a taser.
This is a lightsaber prototype.
I spent decades developing it.
It's basically a high-powered cattle prod.
Ow, ow! Ow! Come on! I'm not a cow, dude! Ow! I know that girlie scream! That's Cam! Cam! We're down here! Help us! Cameron! Cameron! Shut down the trash compactor on the basement level! Shut down the trash compactor on the basement level! What are they doing in the trash compactor? They could get seriously injured down there.
Oh.
Oh, this is vile.
Vile! Yes! Whoo! Oh, my God! Oh! Oh! Yes! Yes, buddy, yes! Cameron, yeah! Oh, you're a lifesaver! Oh, my God! You're welcome.
All right.
Glad to know we can all behave like normal people.
Ow! Come That is it.
You are going down.
You are going down.
I'm just How do you turn Is there, like, a button? It's not a baton, you moron.
Like, maybe a slide-y thing? I thought Push the No.
You see, it slides Oh.
You see See that? Yeah Oh, thank you.
You're welcome.
All right.
Let's do this.
No.
Let me give you a hand with that.
One more step, and I fry his eggs! Cameron, don't do it.
I am your father.
Dude, we're, like, the same age.
I know, but, in all seriousness, I'm your brother.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
Fist of fury coming through.
You're all clear, kid.
Let's blow this thing and go home.
You thought it was gonna be that easy? I saved the baddest-ass for last.
Shadoobie.
Todd? Oz.
Haven't seen you since the KGB.
What? Sorry about all this.
Just doing a bit of freelance.
Hey, I totally get it, man.
Times are tough.
Seriously? You even know the guards? Were we ever even in danger? Nah.
But you passed the test.
Told you, you were a leader.
Friendship and loyalty.
That's the true force that binds the galaxy together.
Uh, why don't you guys just kiss already and get the hell out of my house? And you're fired.
Oh, you're fired.
Suck it.
Let's go.
Thank you, Oz.
As promised, your payment, but perhaps, since we all had such a lovely adventure, we could just call it a pro bono.
Deposited.
Excellent.
Why, you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerd Nerf herder.
"Nerf herder?" Slave Leia updo? For the love of Lucas, you know stuff.
Well, I thought, after this whole ordeal, I'd finally watch the Wars.
Oh, you watched my remake? He told me you killed him! No.
I am your father.
No! It was just so romantic.
I was rooting for Luke and Leia to get together right from the beginning Well, I mean, right up until you realize that she was his sister.
And then those cute little Care Bears in the forest Ewoks, but we'll get there.
Have you watched the prequels yet? No.
I was thinking, you know, heh, maybe we could watch 'em together.
Oh.
Menace is underrated, but Sith totally deepens the legend of Vader.
Okay, that all sort of for me, but, well, I'm game if you are.
I love you.
I know.
I guess this is good-bye, huh, Oz? You don't want this? You You want me to stay? I can't believe I'm actually gonna say these words, but, uh, I'll allow it.
How come I didn't get a medal? I got your medal right here, brother.
Face! Whoo! Guess who's back? Did we win, like, a track meet or something? I don't know, man.
This place is weird.