Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989) s02e13 Episode Script
A Woman Too Far
Aren't you glad to see me? Oh, Dennis, I think people know.
They know, I tell you! Young doctors.
I love this show.
Tina is having Dr.
Hunt's baby, but some people think it's reverend Smith's, although it could be Blake's Or it could be that carnival barker.
He was so cute.
Be quiet.
His girlfriend plays Heather.
I'm trying to watch.
That can't be her real hair.
I had a Datsun that color once.
Tomorrow, you could be mine forever.
Oh, Dennis Quench my desires.
Quench my desires? Who says crap like that? Bad writing, great acting.
Kiss me.
Give me one kiss to get me through the night.
That kiss could get her through the decade.
She slipped him the tongue.
Can they do that? His stethoscope's going to be hanging on her bed post.
It can't get steamier than that.
Oh, sure.
They're probably rehearsing an even hotter scene now.
How many times do they rehearse stuff like that? Until they get it right.
Oh, excuse me.
Hi, Dr.
howser.
Hi, Lisa.
I'm glad you ran into me.
I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your lecture in X-ray anatomy.
Oh, good.
Great.
I enjoyed your question afterward.
I was wondering if you might recommend some reference material.
I've read the suggested books, and I noticed others in the hospital library.
Sure, I can help you, and tomorrow, you can be mine forever.
Darling Quench my desires.
You have a way with words, darling.
Kiss me.
Just give me one kiss that'll get me through the night.
Oh Douglas.
Dr.
howser? Dr.
howser? Huh? Oh, sure.
Sure.
I'll make you a list so you can quench your thirst for knowledge, so to speak.
Thank you, Dr.
howser.
Big trouble.
Now let me go over the facts.
She's a nursing student, gorgeous, attracted to you, and you're definitely knocked out by her.
Why aren't I seeing a smile on this face? Because of this face.
Doog, she's a nursing student.
You know what they do.
They give men baths.
She's got to practice somewhere maybe you.
I love Wanda, but i have this incredible desire to see Lisa.
I don't know what to do.
Wrong guy to ask.
I have no scruples.
You'd ask her out.
Does the pope wear a fancy hat? You only go out with Janine.
I'm an unscrupulous guy with no opportunities.
Are you going to date Wanda the rest of your life? Test the waters.
I'd test them, except nobody wants me in their waters.
Vinnie, I need some help here.
O.
K.
Do what I do when I'm faced with a decision.
Throw a dart.
If you hit the bull's-eye, bam! Take her out.
Here.
Go ahead and give it a shot.
Wow.
Bad omen.
It was right after lunch.
I was coming down the grapevine when it started kicking in.
Thought it was that burrito at dinah's kitchen.
You could caulk a bathtub with those babies.
Any nausea? Plenty.
Have you had anything like this before? A few weeks ago, but it went away.
I'll get Webber on the horn and draw blood.
Mrs.
Lester, it's just a partial small bowel obstruction.
Nothing dangerous.
I'd like to admit him to run tests.
We'll go from there.
Thank god! Everything's going to be just fine, sugar plum.
I thought it was something terrible.
I had to help him out of the truck.
He works hard and has to drive so many miles.
I'm relieved it's nothing serious.
I don't know what I'd do without him.
We'll take good care of him, Mrs.
Lester.
Big, big trouble.
You seem a little pensive, son.
Anything up? Oh, it's It's Vinnie.
I'm worried about him.
He and Janine have been going steady six months, and they do nothing but see just each other.
It doesn't seem healthy.
Well, I don't know.
Vincent seems to be much more mature since he's been with Janine.
Also more scarce.
Much calmer, more self-assured.
It's been good for him.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
You're so worried about Vinnie and Janine.
What about you and Wanda? Exactly.
We've been going together way over a year.
Something like 473 days.
Maybe we're getting too serious.
What do you think? Your situation is a little different than Vinnie's.
His whole time is spent socializing.
He has more of a variety of people to choose from.
Absolutely.
Whereas I, on the other hand, with much less time to socialize, am being presented with a much smaller mix.
Don't get us wrong, doogie.
We love Wanda.
Me, too.
Say I were to meet someone and ask her out.
That would be good for me.
What do you think? Yes, yes.
Before your mother and I got engaged, I dated quite frequently.
Quite frequently, hmm? Well, more frequently than less frequently.
Maybe frequently is the wrong word here.
Look, I got to run.
Thanks, mom, dad, for your always sound advice.
Next term looks tough.
I hear mckeon for cardiovascular physiology is murder.
On the other hand, carlin is a flake.
What do you think? Um There's something really important i want to ask you.
Dr.
howser.
So, what did you want to ask me? Do you want a grade or a challenge? A challenge is good, don't you think, Dr.
canfield? Yes, indeed.
A challenge is a good thing in life Dr.
howser.
Being a freshman, I'd like a good start, but I'd also like to find out if My floor.
Lisa, wait.
Will you go out with me tomorrow night? Yes, of course.
I'd love to.
Cool.
Bye.
Bye.
Yes.
The lower gi x-rays confirm what I thought.
Regional enteritis Crohn's disease.
It's an inflammation of the intestines.
I want to get the right treatment going.
I'm going to start you on azulfidine.
Hopefully, you should be home within a few days.
That's great.
I'm going to call the kids.
You do that, baby.
Then I'm going to the cafeteria.
It reminds me of high school.
Bye-bye, sugar plum.
Miss you.
Not as much as I'm going to miss you.
I'll be all right, huh? Yeah.
Roy, flare-ups in your condition are often caused by stress and anxiety.
How are things with you home, job? Stress? Are you kidding? Things couldn't be better.
Great home, great job.
Life's one humongous bowl of cherries for Roy Lester.
Honey? Sweetcake, what are you doing here? I was so worried about you.
Honey, say hello to Dr.
howser here.
Oh, hi.
I'm Mrs.
Roy Lester.
You're Mrs.
Roy Lester.
The one and only.
Boy, what a surprise! It's a big surprise, isn't it, doc? Yeah, a surprise.
Very surprising.
Marge, you didn't have to come from sacramento.
Told you it was no big deal, honeypot.
A wife's got to be with her husband.
But the doc was just about to examine me.
Yes, examining, and right now is a good time to do it.
I'm just glad to see you're all right.
I'll get a bite at the cafeteria.
You do that, honey.
I didn't eat anything all the way down here.
No, no, no! Not the cafeteria.
They're washing the floors real slippery.
Visit our unique gift shop.
They have coffee mugs.
Might find one that says, "i love sacramento.
" Anyway, there's ample browsing pleasure down there.
A coffee mug for me, stuff for the kids, and a copy of guns and ammo for my honey.
That was your wife? And the one in the cafeteria was You have two wives, like together? Just calm down.
It's just one of those things.
Just one of those things? I was dating two women at the ends of my trucking route Marge in sacramento, joanne in L.
A.
Joanne and I started getting serious.
I asked her to marry me.
When I went to tell Marge, I started hinting maybe we should break it off, and she started crying.
Well, I just can't take sobbing, so So you did the natural thing.
You married both of them.
Look, it's like this.
When I stare into those beautiful brown eyes, or beautiful blue eyes, depending on which face I'm staring into, I just get all silly, but it's not like I'm a womanizer, doc.
I'm totally faithful to both of them.
You have families with both? Oh, yeah, wonderful families.
Just nuts about them.
Just look at those faces, doc.
That's Betty, Angie, and Roy Jr.
, and that's Ronny and Becky and Roy Jr.
Two Roy jrs.
? I just couldn't resist.
Just such a darn good name.
A lot of men have two wives in their lifetime.
You just chose to do it simultaneously.
I know what I did was wrong, but I love every one of these people.
You've got to help me, doc.
Help you? You said my condition was serious, that I shouldn't aggravate it.
Please.
All right.
I'll set up separate visiting schedules for each one, and any visitor will have to check through me, but I'll do my best.
Thanks a heap, doc.
Thanks a heap.
You're telling me this guy has a spare wife? I'm not much better than this joker.
Come on, doog, ease up.
The dude's married to two women.
You're not even married to one.
No, but I'm cheating on her.
You're not even lying to her.
You're just not giving her all the incriminating information she would need to think you're lying to her.
Forget film school.
Go law.
Doog, you're 17, unattached.
You have the inalienable male right to play the field like a banjo.
You got a hot babe drooling over you, and you're not lying to Wanda.
Yeah, you're right.
You are right.
Hello.
Hmm.
Ahem.
Hi, Wanda.
Yeah.
G-go out tonight? Isn't it Isn't it a school night? Well, um Oh, I almost forgot.
Vinnie and I are doing something.
Yeah.
What are what are we doing? We are we're going What is that? Hockey! Hockey.
Hockey.
Hockey.
We're going to a kings game.
I've been planning it for months.
You bet.
O.
K.
Oh, I miss you, too.
Yeah.
I love you.
O.
K.
Bye.
- Now I did it.
- And did it good.
I'm damn proud of you.
Your look when you bit into that haggis At least i ate mine.
The next Scottish restaurant we go to will be McDonald's.
I had a really good time, doogie.
Yeah.
I did, too.
So, how about tomorrow night? Uh Yeah, sure.
That would be great.
That's a relief.
You see, I was kind of seeing somebody when you asked me out.
I told him, and we broke up.
Anyway, it wouldn't be right to go out behind his back.
No, of course.
It didn't matter, because I knew we'd hit it off, and we did.
I'm just glad there's a future here.
You make me happy, doogie.
Are you all right? Yeah.
It's the haggis.
Well See you tomorrow night.
Yeah.
I'm going to have a consultation with Dr.
Webber at 3:00.
Then we should know more about Let me see if he's through with his endoscopy.
See him in 15 minutes.
Mrs.
Lester, you're early.
I am? You can only see Roy for five minutes now.
All right, Dr.
howser.
He still has to have a lower endoscopy and a ct.
Just five minutes.
Great? Great.
Great.
Uh, 13 minutes.
O.
K.
, this is nuts.
Now I've got joanne in the flower shop and Marge looking at babies in the nursery.
The endoscopy showed severe inflammation.
Your condition is worse, and I am a wreck.
You've got to tell them.
I can't.
If you don't, I'll slice you open.
O.
K.
, look, you've got two problems here.
One is legal, the other medical.
If one doesn't get you, the other will.
Do it for your health and your future.
It's time to face the music, Roy.
Yeah.
O.
K.
Maybe you're right, doc.
I'll I'll tell joanne.
No, I Maybe Marge.
No, uh What about joanne? You want me to pick? O.
K.
All right.
Marge.
I married joanne first.
It's only fair that i stay with her.
Wait.
You're not going to tell them both? And lose everything? Are you crazy? I'm just going to divorce one.
Well, it's a start.
Hi, doogie.
I'm ready.
Hi.
Can we sit down and talk? Sure.
How do I say this? Say what? Listen I really like you, and I've never had a better first date, but there was something i should have told you before that great first date, so I might as well say it now.
I'm going with someone.
Is this a joke? No.
Why why didn't you tell me? Because I i was chicken.
I didn't know how I'd feel about you, but now I do know how i feel about you, and I'd like to see you again.
Well, I don't want to see you again.
Why not? You said you really liked me.
Because If you'd lie to your girlfriend, eventually you're going to lie to me, and that's not the kind of guy I want to get serious with.
Lisa, wait.
She slapped me.
Her feelings were hurt.
You didn't anticipate how much this girl really liked you.
I really behaved like a jerk.
Let up on yourself, son.
You're only 17.
This is how you learn the lessons of the heart.
The right thing now is to tell Wanda? I wouldn't.
You'd just be easing your mind at someone else's expense.
That's your advice? To lie? No.
I am not advising the boy to lie, Katherine.
I'm just suggesting that there are times when it's not always wise to confess the whole truth.
Oh.
Am i to take it, then, that you have certain secrets you're not telling me?
They know, I tell you! Young doctors.
I love this show.
Tina is having Dr.
Hunt's baby, but some people think it's reverend Smith's, although it could be Blake's Or it could be that carnival barker.
He was so cute.
Be quiet.
His girlfriend plays Heather.
I'm trying to watch.
That can't be her real hair.
I had a Datsun that color once.
Tomorrow, you could be mine forever.
Oh, Dennis Quench my desires.
Quench my desires? Who says crap like that? Bad writing, great acting.
Kiss me.
Give me one kiss to get me through the night.
That kiss could get her through the decade.
She slipped him the tongue.
Can they do that? His stethoscope's going to be hanging on her bed post.
It can't get steamier than that.
Oh, sure.
They're probably rehearsing an even hotter scene now.
How many times do they rehearse stuff like that? Until they get it right.
Oh, excuse me.
Hi, Dr.
howser.
Hi, Lisa.
I'm glad you ran into me.
I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your lecture in X-ray anatomy.
Oh, good.
Great.
I enjoyed your question afterward.
I was wondering if you might recommend some reference material.
I've read the suggested books, and I noticed others in the hospital library.
Sure, I can help you, and tomorrow, you can be mine forever.
Darling Quench my desires.
You have a way with words, darling.
Kiss me.
Just give me one kiss that'll get me through the night.
Oh Douglas.
Dr.
howser? Dr.
howser? Huh? Oh, sure.
Sure.
I'll make you a list so you can quench your thirst for knowledge, so to speak.
Thank you, Dr.
howser.
Big trouble.
Now let me go over the facts.
She's a nursing student, gorgeous, attracted to you, and you're definitely knocked out by her.
Why aren't I seeing a smile on this face? Because of this face.
Doog, she's a nursing student.
You know what they do.
They give men baths.
She's got to practice somewhere maybe you.
I love Wanda, but i have this incredible desire to see Lisa.
I don't know what to do.
Wrong guy to ask.
I have no scruples.
You'd ask her out.
Does the pope wear a fancy hat? You only go out with Janine.
I'm an unscrupulous guy with no opportunities.
Are you going to date Wanda the rest of your life? Test the waters.
I'd test them, except nobody wants me in their waters.
Vinnie, I need some help here.
O.
K.
Do what I do when I'm faced with a decision.
Throw a dart.
If you hit the bull's-eye, bam! Take her out.
Here.
Go ahead and give it a shot.
Wow.
Bad omen.
It was right after lunch.
I was coming down the grapevine when it started kicking in.
Thought it was that burrito at dinah's kitchen.
You could caulk a bathtub with those babies.
Any nausea? Plenty.
Have you had anything like this before? A few weeks ago, but it went away.
I'll get Webber on the horn and draw blood.
Mrs.
Lester, it's just a partial small bowel obstruction.
Nothing dangerous.
I'd like to admit him to run tests.
We'll go from there.
Thank god! Everything's going to be just fine, sugar plum.
I thought it was something terrible.
I had to help him out of the truck.
He works hard and has to drive so many miles.
I'm relieved it's nothing serious.
I don't know what I'd do without him.
We'll take good care of him, Mrs.
Lester.
Big, big trouble.
You seem a little pensive, son.
Anything up? Oh, it's It's Vinnie.
I'm worried about him.
He and Janine have been going steady six months, and they do nothing but see just each other.
It doesn't seem healthy.
Well, I don't know.
Vincent seems to be much more mature since he's been with Janine.
Also more scarce.
Much calmer, more self-assured.
It's been good for him.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
You're so worried about Vinnie and Janine.
What about you and Wanda? Exactly.
We've been going together way over a year.
Something like 473 days.
Maybe we're getting too serious.
What do you think? Your situation is a little different than Vinnie's.
His whole time is spent socializing.
He has more of a variety of people to choose from.
Absolutely.
Whereas I, on the other hand, with much less time to socialize, am being presented with a much smaller mix.
Don't get us wrong, doogie.
We love Wanda.
Me, too.
Say I were to meet someone and ask her out.
That would be good for me.
What do you think? Yes, yes.
Before your mother and I got engaged, I dated quite frequently.
Quite frequently, hmm? Well, more frequently than less frequently.
Maybe frequently is the wrong word here.
Look, I got to run.
Thanks, mom, dad, for your always sound advice.
Next term looks tough.
I hear mckeon for cardiovascular physiology is murder.
On the other hand, carlin is a flake.
What do you think? Um There's something really important i want to ask you.
Dr.
howser.
So, what did you want to ask me? Do you want a grade or a challenge? A challenge is good, don't you think, Dr.
canfield? Yes, indeed.
A challenge is a good thing in life Dr.
howser.
Being a freshman, I'd like a good start, but I'd also like to find out if My floor.
Lisa, wait.
Will you go out with me tomorrow night? Yes, of course.
I'd love to.
Cool.
Bye.
Bye.
Yes.
The lower gi x-rays confirm what I thought.
Regional enteritis Crohn's disease.
It's an inflammation of the intestines.
I want to get the right treatment going.
I'm going to start you on azulfidine.
Hopefully, you should be home within a few days.
That's great.
I'm going to call the kids.
You do that, baby.
Then I'm going to the cafeteria.
It reminds me of high school.
Bye-bye, sugar plum.
Miss you.
Not as much as I'm going to miss you.
I'll be all right, huh? Yeah.
Roy, flare-ups in your condition are often caused by stress and anxiety.
How are things with you home, job? Stress? Are you kidding? Things couldn't be better.
Great home, great job.
Life's one humongous bowl of cherries for Roy Lester.
Honey? Sweetcake, what are you doing here? I was so worried about you.
Honey, say hello to Dr.
howser here.
Oh, hi.
I'm Mrs.
Roy Lester.
You're Mrs.
Roy Lester.
The one and only.
Boy, what a surprise! It's a big surprise, isn't it, doc? Yeah, a surprise.
Very surprising.
Marge, you didn't have to come from sacramento.
Told you it was no big deal, honeypot.
A wife's got to be with her husband.
But the doc was just about to examine me.
Yes, examining, and right now is a good time to do it.
I'm just glad to see you're all right.
I'll get a bite at the cafeteria.
You do that, honey.
I didn't eat anything all the way down here.
No, no, no! Not the cafeteria.
They're washing the floors real slippery.
Visit our unique gift shop.
They have coffee mugs.
Might find one that says, "i love sacramento.
" Anyway, there's ample browsing pleasure down there.
A coffee mug for me, stuff for the kids, and a copy of guns and ammo for my honey.
That was your wife? And the one in the cafeteria was You have two wives, like together? Just calm down.
It's just one of those things.
Just one of those things? I was dating two women at the ends of my trucking route Marge in sacramento, joanne in L.
A.
Joanne and I started getting serious.
I asked her to marry me.
When I went to tell Marge, I started hinting maybe we should break it off, and she started crying.
Well, I just can't take sobbing, so So you did the natural thing.
You married both of them.
Look, it's like this.
When I stare into those beautiful brown eyes, or beautiful blue eyes, depending on which face I'm staring into, I just get all silly, but it's not like I'm a womanizer, doc.
I'm totally faithful to both of them.
You have families with both? Oh, yeah, wonderful families.
Just nuts about them.
Just look at those faces, doc.
That's Betty, Angie, and Roy Jr.
, and that's Ronny and Becky and Roy Jr.
Two Roy jrs.
? I just couldn't resist.
Just such a darn good name.
A lot of men have two wives in their lifetime.
You just chose to do it simultaneously.
I know what I did was wrong, but I love every one of these people.
You've got to help me, doc.
Help you? You said my condition was serious, that I shouldn't aggravate it.
Please.
All right.
I'll set up separate visiting schedules for each one, and any visitor will have to check through me, but I'll do my best.
Thanks a heap, doc.
Thanks a heap.
You're telling me this guy has a spare wife? I'm not much better than this joker.
Come on, doog, ease up.
The dude's married to two women.
You're not even married to one.
No, but I'm cheating on her.
You're not even lying to her.
You're just not giving her all the incriminating information she would need to think you're lying to her.
Forget film school.
Go law.
Doog, you're 17, unattached.
You have the inalienable male right to play the field like a banjo.
You got a hot babe drooling over you, and you're not lying to Wanda.
Yeah, you're right.
You are right.
Hello.
Hmm.
Ahem.
Hi, Wanda.
Yeah.
G-go out tonight? Isn't it Isn't it a school night? Well, um Oh, I almost forgot.
Vinnie and I are doing something.
Yeah.
What are what are we doing? We are we're going What is that? Hockey! Hockey.
Hockey.
Hockey.
We're going to a kings game.
I've been planning it for months.
You bet.
O.
K.
Oh, I miss you, too.
Yeah.
I love you.
O.
K.
Bye.
- Now I did it.
- And did it good.
I'm damn proud of you.
Your look when you bit into that haggis At least i ate mine.
The next Scottish restaurant we go to will be McDonald's.
I had a really good time, doogie.
Yeah.
I did, too.
So, how about tomorrow night? Uh Yeah, sure.
That would be great.
That's a relief.
You see, I was kind of seeing somebody when you asked me out.
I told him, and we broke up.
Anyway, it wouldn't be right to go out behind his back.
No, of course.
It didn't matter, because I knew we'd hit it off, and we did.
I'm just glad there's a future here.
You make me happy, doogie.
Are you all right? Yeah.
It's the haggis.
Well See you tomorrow night.
Yeah.
I'm going to have a consultation with Dr.
Webber at 3:00.
Then we should know more about Let me see if he's through with his endoscopy.
See him in 15 minutes.
Mrs.
Lester, you're early.
I am? You can only see Roy for five minutes now.
All right, Dr.
howser.
He still has to have a lower endoscopy and a ct.
Just five minutes.
Great? Great.
Great.
Uh, 13 minutes.
O.
K.
, this is nuts.
Now I've got joanne in the flower shop and Marge looking at babies in the nursery.
The endoscopy showed severe inflammation.
Your condition is worse, and I am a wreck.
You've got to tell them.
I can't.
If you don't, I'll slice you open.
O.
K.
, look, you've got two problems here.
One is legal, the other medical.
If one doesn't get you, the other will.
Do it for your health and your future.
It's time to face the music, Roy.
Yeah.
O.
K.
Maybe you're right, doc.
I'll I'll tell joanne.
No, I Maybe Marge.
No, uh What about joanne? You want me to pick? O.
K.
All right.
Marge.
I married joanne first.
It's only fair that i stay with her.
Wait.
You're not going to tell them both? And lose everything? Are you crazy? I'm just going to divorce one.
Well, it's a start.
Hi, doogie.
I'm ready.
Hi.
Can we sit down and talk? Sure.
How do I say this? Say what? Listen I really like you, and I've never had a better first date, but there was something i should have told you before that great first date, so I might as well say it now.
I'm going with someone.
Is this a joke? No.
Why why didn't you tell me? Because I i was chicken.
I didn't know how I'd feel about you, but now I do know how i feel about you, and I'd like to see you again.
Well, I don't want to see you again.
Why not? You said you really liked me.
Because If you'd lie to your girlfriend, eventually you're going to lie to me, and that's not the kind of guy I want to get serious with.
Lisa, wait.
She slapped me.
Her feelings were hurt.
You didn't anticipate how much this girl really liked you.
I really behaved like a jerk.
Let up on yourself, son.
You're only 17.
This is how you learn the lessons of the heart.
The right thing now is to tell Wanda? I wouldn't.
You'd just be easing your mind at someone else's expense.
That's your advice? To lie? No.
I am not advising the boy to lie, Katherine.
I'm just suggesting that there are times when it's not always wise to confess the whole truth.
Oh.
Am i to take it, then, that you have certain secrets you're not telling me?