Grounded For Life (2001) s02e13 Episode Script

OK, come on, all you guys dripping on the floor, get in the backyard.
We can't afford new floors.
My parents are poor.
Hey, will you quit saying that? We're not poor.
Dad is gonna freak when he sees his car.
OK, we'll deal with that later.
Right now, I'm gonna get on the phone and give that credit card company a piece of my mind.
Th-th-that car reeks! Yeah, my dad works in a dump.
If he had as sense of smell, he'd be dead by now.
What are you doing in my house? I'll call you back.
You're home a little early, aren't you? Hey! Hey! Who's that? Who the hell is that? Hey, you! Who are you?! Hey! Better run, punk! Who the hell was that? I honestly don't know how to answer that.
Well, you can start by telling me what he's doing in my house.
Let's just move on.
I don't get it.
It's Henry's birthday.
You were supposed to be out at that water park all day.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was the plan.
[Shouting and screaming.]
Hey, baby, you remember screaming wet death, don't you? Oh, God, the terror.
[All shouting at once.]
Tell us! Tell us! All right, let me tell you.
Imagine this.
You start from a position so high, OK, that by the time you're halfway down, you're going so fast that the water under your butt actually catches on fire.
[All shouting.]
That's cool! Yeah, cool.
Maybe the fire will kill the 5 millions kinds of bacteria in the water.
All right, guys.
Whoo-hoo! Whoo! I'd like 2 adults, and one 12-year-old senior citizen, please.
All right! Who wants to ride the flume-osaurus?! [Cheering and shouting.]
Sir, your card isn't going through.
Well, try it again.
I tried it 3 times, OK? It's declined.
No, that card's good.
Here, give it to me.
Let me try.
Keep your hand out of the kiosk, please! Well, give me back my card.
I'll try it.
Sir, you're holding up the line.
No, you're holding up the line, man.
Get out of line, sir.
Give me my card! Give me back my card! You've got my card.
Man, look at this punk.
Hey, get your hands off me, man! There's no reason my card should have been rejected, OK? My mother's maiden name? O'Malley.
Yeah.
See, I was taking my son to his birthday party, and-- O'Malley.
"O" as in outraged, "m" as in mad as hell, alley! Is your call waiting working, man? Shh.
Yeah, yeah, so, look, I already gave you the number twice.
If it beeps in, man, I need to know.
Will you be quiet, please? Look, I gave you the number twice and I keyed it in Just don't ignore the beep, OK? That's rude.
Shut up, Ed.
Hey, Sean, tell them we made a payment on the fifth.
Oh, OK.
Apparently we made a payment on the fifth.
Huh? No, no.
That's just my call waiting.
Don't worry about it.
That's for me, man! What are you doing here? I'm waiting for a call.
What? No, no, I don't mind.
Put me on hold.
I'd love to listen to more of the "music to kill yourself by" collection.
Well, how did it go with my car? F-fine.
Great.
It looks like you got it washed.
Gee, thanks, uh Here.
Oh--no, dad, that's just-- That was-- that was our way of saying thank you.
Thanks.
So, uh Why is my backseat all full of puke? Oh, God, Walt, we're so sorry.
We were just looking for something to do with the kids that was fun.
Yeah.
And free.
Mrs.
Finnerty, I'm hot.
Are we poor? No.
Enough talk about who's poor.
I'm hot! Relax, everybody, 'cause we're gonna have a really fun day, 'cause you don't have to have money to have fun.
Whoo! [Grunting.]
I'm hot! I saw some kids doing this once.
Yeah, well, it's a New York kind of thing to do.
Yeah, we saw it on the news.
They were poor kids, during a riot.
Mr.
and Mrs.
Finnerty, I'm hot! That cool you off there, Perry? I'm cold! [Coughing.]
Opening a hydrant without a sprinkler cap is illegal.
Yeah, so I'm told.
[Siren.]
Get in the car, get in the car! down the sewer! That ticket cost me 175 bucks.
Man, you could get 10 kids at the Splashville for that.
Why are you still in my house? Why are you so suspicious? Why are you answering my questions with questions? Why does that concern you? Oh, gee, I don't know.
Let me think.
Hmm.
Maybe that night we came back from the Jersey shore.
I thought you were coming home Sunday night.
This is Sunday night.
I knew it.
Gregory, pay up.
That was a gamblers anonymous meeting.
There was a roulette wheel.
We're a very liberal chapter.
Look, man, you turned my house into the tropicana.
You won 200 bucks.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It was barely enough to cover the chair that lap dancer broke.
Hey, lil.
Hi, dad.
Where's mom? Oh, she's in the back, I think.
OK.
Oh, hi, grandpa.
How you doing? My floor mats are full of puke.
Oh.
That's nice.
Mom, are those the same candy canes that have been on our Christmas trees since I was, like, 5? Yes, and I've been saving them for a very special occasion to let you eat them.
Hey.
They bend! Hey, lil.
Oh! Hi, mom.
Um I-- I did something.
What? What happened? I had a small emergency.
How small? Did it involve throwing up in my car? No.
Eew.
Walt, please.
Is everything OK? Well, um, yeah, I-- I had a bad situation, and I had to use the credit card.
Oh, boy.
You've got a credit card? Walt, it's for safety.
It's for emergencies.
Please tell me this was an emergency.
It--it was.
Oh, boy.
And Sean signed off on this credit card thing? He--he got on board.
Yes.
No! Come on.
No, it's not a good idea.
Now, please let me sleep.
That's exactly why I want Lily to get a credit card-- So we can sleep.
I can sleep.
Well, I can't.
Honey, come on.
You know how much I worry.
What if something happens? I mean What if Eee! Taxi! Taxi! Hey, where you goin'? Staten Island? Oh, hop in.
Let me just get rid of my pants.
Aah! Hi.
I need to go to Staten Island.
A credit card?! But I don't have a credit card! OK, maybe I was being a little dramatic, but if Lily hadn't had the credit card, she would still be in trouble now, right, lil? Yes.
It was an emergency, right? Oh, it was.
It sort of totally was.
You are sort of totally dead.
Walt, go take those poor boys some juice boxes.
Aww! It's gonna be like The Lord of the Flies out there.
Kill the pig! Drink his blood! Kill the pig! Drink his blood! [Singing scat.]
Cut it out.
Hammer time Stop singing the hold music.
[Stops singing.]
What's this? It's a box.
What's in the box? Oh, it's cool.
"It's cool" is not an answer, OK? "It's cool" doesn't tell me what's in the box.
Yes, it does.
It tells you it's cool.
Is it illegal? Mm No, not everywhere.
Can it explode and kill my entire family? I can personally guarantee you that it will not.
[Rattling.]
Whoa, whoa.
That's not smart.
Will you just get it out of my house, man.
Yeah.
Hi.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
One second, babe.
Excuse me, Rochelle? Yeah, yeah, no.
No, um, you see, I do not want to give you my account number.
OK? And I shall tell you why.
Because I've already punched it in 3 times, and I've given it to 4 different people, including a Beth, a Julio, and a guy who was really rude to me named Kevin.
OK? And I think I speak for all Americans when I say we're sick of calling something up and then keying in a number and then getting a voice and them asking us immediately what the number was that we keyed in before! And then they transfer us to someone else and then they ask us what the number was, and then all of a sudden they cut you off and you have to call back and start from the start, all right? So why don't you people just get a piece of paper-- you heard of that-- And a pen and write the damn numbers down! 'Cause I'm sick of it! Yes! Yes, I would like to speak to a supervisor, thank you.
It was Lily! I'm sorry? Lily used the credit card.
Lily? Oh.
Oh, hello? Yeah.
Yeah, there is a problem.
See, I thought I put my wallet down and I mis-- Oh, there it is.
Please tell me it was an emergency.
Very possibly.
Definitely.
Trust me.
It was.
[All laughing.]
Oh, my God.
What? Don't look! Who is it? Finnerty.
Piramati.
What's up? Nothing.
Uh Glis.
Wait a minute.
Did you just say glis? Yeah.
What's up with glis? I didn't say glis.
Yeah, you did.
We all heard you.
Oh, I was mortified.
Why? Glis is a perfectly acceptable word.
It's short for glissando.
That's when you take the back of your finger and run it along the piano keys.
Yes, I was talking to you, also.
OK, so wait a minute.
Let me get this straight, OK? So, like, you say, like, glis, OK? And he says, "oh, my God, did you say glis?" And then she said, "we all heard you say glis.
" And them I'm, like, uh, what the hell happened with my credit card? I'm gettin' to it.
So, Finnerty, that's a nice shirt.
What is that? Is that a bug? No, uh I think it's a kitty.
Right, so, Tracy, Allison, you guys coming to my party tonight or what? Probably.
Finnerty? Uhhh.
See ya.
Oh, Finnerty.
Uh-huh.
Glis.
[Guys laughing.]
Ohh Oh, my God, he thinks I'm brain-damaged.
No.
He likes you.
Well This shirt's all right, isn't it? I don't know.
You're not planning to wear it to the party tonight, are you? I was thinking about it.
What? What?! Oh, God.
What do you think? It's cool.
Delicious.
[Sighs.]
[Sighs.]
[Heavenly music playing.]
Cash or charge? Charge.
Young lady, follow me.
Why? I want you to look out this window.
Oh, OK.
All right, she's comin' around.
I think it's the birthday boy's turn.
Come on, Henry.
Here it comes! Whoo-hoo.
All right.
Get ready.
I don't wanna go! Oh, you're goin'.
Here it comes! Grandpa It stinks.
It's just a little pressure problem.
Nobody flush the toilet until the party's over! All right? Here we go.
Ready Happy birthday, little Henry.
He looks like he's having an OK time.
Oh, yeah, sure, and why shouldn't he? Hey, it was a great day.
Wasn't it, baby? It--it was OK.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was a freakin' disaster.
Whoo! Hey, guys, what do you think about the tunnel of adventure? It's a car wash.
I'm hot! Whooo! Mr.
and Mrs.
Finnerty, I really don't feel so good.
All right, just hold on there, Perry.
It'll all be over soon.
Oh, man, it looks like he's gonna rufe.
Oh, n-n-not in the car.
No! No! [Vomiting.]
Ohh! Eew! Ohh! Ohh, yuck! [All vomiting.]
Do something! The wheels on the bus go round and round I need some air! [Shouting.]
Aah! Aah! Aah! OK.
OK, look, I'm sorry for what I did, but you can't hold me responsible for some kid puking in grandpa's car.
Please, allow me to try.
Come on, Sean, it was one blouse.
It was a big party at a hot guy's house.
Wait a minute.
One blouse would not put our card over the limit.
OK, I--it wasn't just the blouse.
[Sighs.]
What? I had a plan.
Really, I--I did.
Now, hold on to your receipt, just in case you need to return these.
Right.
I'll do that.
I can return these if I have to, right? Of course.
For a full refund, right? Oh, sure.
No questions asked? Nope.
Lil, you're killin' me! I'm sorry.
You know, I--I read somewhere that compulsive shopping is a disease.
A disease.
No, no, no.
Cholera is a disease, OK? Shopping is what a 16-year-old girl does who wants to look cute for the boys when somebody gives her a credit card.
Is this a present for Henry? No.
No, that's something of mine.
Wh-wh-what's it doing here? I'm just a man with a box.
That's all you need to know.
Weren't you talking about something, Lily, like, about clothes or something? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
She was telling us about her fabulous new wardrobe.
Oh, dad, I was so careful, I was neurotic.
I wasn't going to let anything happen to those clothes.
[Rock music playing.]
[Both laugh.]
It's glis.
Hi, Dean.
You're looking special, Finnerty.
Thanks.
You want to, uh You want to check out my backyard? OK.
[Mouthing.]
You're lookin' hot, Finnerty.
Thanks.
Mm--mm-- Are your hands clean? What? I saw you eating nachos earlier, and I thought they might be greasy.
OK.
All right.
Mm Mm! The chairs! What about them? Do you take them in at night? Not usually, no.
Then they're probably filthy.
Let's just stand up.
All right.
Mm[Giggles.]
And not use our hands? I told you, they're clean.
Oh, hang on.
Getting ready to have lobster? Better.
See, I thought what you were telling me was supposed to make me less upset.
Dad, I was just trying to show you how responsible I was being.
Oh, well, next time you should just strip naked and put your clothes in a plastic bag.
I'll keep that in mind next time.
OK, you're taking those clothes back right now.
Well, great.
I already did.
Not really.
Hi.
I'd like to return All of these.
Do you have your receipts? Yes, I do.
OK.
[Sniffs.]
Mmm.
Here you go.
What's this? A store credit slip.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
I'll take cash.
Oh, sorry.
It's our policy.
Oh, dear God, no.
Hi.
That sweater is so your color.
You have to get it.
Oh, I've got an idea.
Why don't I use my store credit to buy it for you, and you can give me the cash.
It's like a traveler's check.
And if you act now, I'll throw in some extra stockings, on me! Come on! I'll--I'll take a personal check! Oh, yeah? Well, you're too old for a Jean skirt.
It makes you look like a hooker! Claud, I gotta hand it to you.
You were right.
OK, shut up.
No, no, no, no.
I'm just glad she had that credit card for when she needed it.
Shut up.
I'm just so happy that my little baby is OK.
That's all that matters.
It's now time for you to shut up! All right, Lily, did that store have a toy department? Oh, yeah.
It's a zoo.
Henry, guys, dry off, because, Henry, your mama is gonna take you toy shopping! [Boys cheering.]
[Chuckles.]
Thanks, babe.
Lily: Well, no harm done.
I'm going to go over to Dean's house.
OK.
Great.
Cool.
Before you go, you're gonna scrub all the puke out of the back of your grandfather's car.
What?! No, no, no, no, no.
Then I'll smell like puke.
You know what? I don't give a glis.
[Doorbell rings.]
Oh.
Maybe I should get it.
I made it, bro.
Hey, uh, I thought you said this place was cool.
It is cool.
It's cool.
You got the box.
Yeah, yeah, he's got the box.
They know about the box? Hey, I said it's cool, man.
OK, let's go, guys.
Hey, uncle Eddie, did you get me something for my birthday? Oh, yeah.
You didn't forget Henry's birthday, did you, Ed? No.
No.
Of course I didn't.
This is what I got him.
It's the Peruvian boys choir.
OK, fellas-- Uno, dos, uno, dos, tres, cuatro for he's a jolly good fellow For he's a jolly good fellow For he's a jolly good fellow Which nobody can deny [all singing out of sync and off key.]
Thanks! Is that box for me? Uh--uh--uh-- Vamanos, muchachos.
Well, take it easy.
Nice to see you.
Maybe I'll drop by tomorrow.
Maybe not.
Tomorrow I'm changing the locks.
Again? OK, they need your social security number.
Why? Listen, do you want a new credit card or not? I don't know, man.
What the hell is Canadian express? They're new to the market.
That's why you get the low, low rate.
Let me talk to the guy.
No, you'll spook the guy.
I'm gonna spook the credit card company? Hold on.
Uh-huh.
OK.
What name do you want on the card? I want my name on it.
Hold on.
No.
Your name's not available.
Give me that.