Hercules: The Legendary Journeys s02e13 Episode Script

Get ready.
They're almost here.
- Keep the horses quiet, little man.
- Uh, don't worry.
I'm great with horses.
Practically raised in a stable.
Any chance of getting my dinar in advance? Silence or I'll pay you with this.
Let's go.
Ready, this way.
Move now! You know, Herc? It may be time for you to get married again.
It's usually nice to meet somebody you like, - before you get married.
- I know, but it can't be a bad thing.
Iolaus, that's all my mother ever talks about.
Oh look, acrobats.
- What ya mean, acrobats? - Aren't you performing at the festival? Cut the comedy, and draw your sword, Hercules.
I, I I don't have a sword.
- Oh, wait a minute, I do.
- Uh, there you go.
But first, do you mind telling us what this is all about? I have a message for you from Hera.
Same old message.
Uh, could you give her my reply? Uh, now? Uh, now would be good.
Ooh.
Whoa.
Whoa, horses, please! Please, please, please, I don't want to die! Whoa.
Whoa! Always get the money first, Gnatius.
Please, come back! Don't run off! Run! To the horses! Where did they go? All right, just run! All right! OK, just what I needed to get the blood flowing! - Ha-ha-ha.
- Why do I get this feeling that Hera's not through with us? Hera, why am I being punished? Once again, you disobeyed a command of mine.
But your order was unjust.
Hercules doesn't deserve to die.
That's for me to decide, not you, Nemesis! - What do you mean? - I mean, from now on you are a mortal.
Dinar for the blind.
Dinar for the blind.
Dinars so that I may beseech Hera to end my blindness? - Money for the blind, eh? - Oh, yes, please! Uh, uh, Hera will look kindly on you, sir, and so will I, if she hears my prayer.
Uh! Oh! - Fraud! You're not blind! - Ow.
Hera the merciful! I-I-I can see! Cheap old man.
Dinar for the lame! Dinar for the lame! Dinar for the lame! Praise be to Hera! I prayed for a beautiful wife - and here you are! - Oh! May the gods forgive me but I need this money more than you do.
A man could get rich picking the bones off of her victims.
Wait! Wherever you're going, I can help you.
- Where is Hercules? - You want Hercules? I know where to find him! Uh, follow me, partner! Must kill Hercules.
This is the story of a time long ago.
A time of myth and legend, when the ancient gods were petty and cruel, and they plagued mankind with suffering.
Only one man dared to challenge their power-Hercules.
Hercules possessed a strength the world had never seen, a strength surpassed only by the power of his heart.
He journeyed the earth, battling the minions of wicked stepmother, Hera, the all-powerful queen of the gods.
But wherever there was evil, wherever an innocent would suffer, there would be Hercules.
Uh.
Hah! You know? Correct me if I'm wrong, Hercules, but to me a festival means fun! You're not supposed to work! Every year, we come to the festival.
We eat their food drink their wine.
Don't you think it's time we repaid their generosity? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, I know it's good to help people, but this is a festival.
I mean, we're supposed to be having fun.
I've got nothing against work, but well, work's work.
Uh, can you help me with this anvil? Oh, uh, you know what? I would, but, uh, my arm's-- - But it's um, work.
- Huh! - Here, I'll give ya a hand.
- Thanks.
- I've got it.
- Oh.
I can't believe one man can lift that thing.
Huh! Oh, hey! Uh, excuse me, um, lemme give ya a hand with those.
You're so kind to help.
I, uh, thought you didn't feel like working.
Who, me? No, no, no, no, I love to work.
Yeah, he loves to work.
Uh, have we met? He-he-he-he! More dinar coming our way! Move along.
Give me your clothes.
Ha-ha-oh, gods! I love this woman! No need to kill this guy.
Just knock him on the head or something, so I can take his money.
Am I getting through to ya? Oh, the strong, silent type OK, I can live with that.
Hi.
Hey, how am I supposed to get my dinar if you only kill people stupid enough to get in your way? - Where is Hercules? - Hercules, again.
You know, your one-track mind kind of limits our conversation straight ahead.
No, no, I would a cut him in half! What a strange feeling hunger is.
I've never experienced it before, because gods don't get hungry.
You were a god, huh? Honey, it's my job to listen to the story no matter how crazy but the customer still has to pay the bill.
Money? Always happy to rescue a pretty damsel in distress.
- Thank you.
- Oh, there are better ways you could thank a man if you know what I mean.
I think I know what you mean.
I've only been a mortal one day, but I wasn't born yesterday.
Well, this is rough country.
A delicate little thing like you could use a man's protection.
Oh, protection? Is that what you had in mind? I could protect myself, if I had your bow and arrow.
Let's have a contest.
If I win, you give me these.
You're on.
See that chain on the far wall? If I hit the bottom link, dead center, I win, right? Make it closest.
We don't wanna be here all day.
- Ladies first.
- Dead center is closest of all.
- Lucky shot.
- I have never missed that badly! Yeah, right.
OK, but it wasn't an even contest! I'm drunk! It was even.
I'm mortal.
Water? Yeah.
Thanks.
Now you can enjoy the festival.
Yeah-ha! If I live that long.
Funny, that bird reminds me of a woman I know.
Oh, you mean she liked to wear feathers? No, no.
She she's an archer and my first love very beautiful.
Uh, you've never seen her, though she's met you.
Well, I don't remember any feather beauties in your life.
On the other hand I've, uh, got a lot on my mind.
What mind? Hello, Hercules.
Nemesis, I I was just thinkin' about you.
You were? And what were you thinking of? - Kissing me hello? - Now that you mention it.
Come on.
Could you do me a favor? I told the little woman I could find Hercules.
Well, I did see him around here, earlier.
Would you happen to know where he is now? - Information comes free with the ale.
- Oh.
Which isn't free.
Your man's further up the road at the festival.
He's there every year.
Where is Hercules? We'll go see him, soon as I've had this.
- What is this? - This is ale beer? - You know, barley, hops, water? - Water, yes.
A guy could get thirsty watching her drink.
- I'll drink to that.
- More water.
Hey, hey! Take it easy! That stuff ain't free! And it definitely ain't water.
Keep ya in tiptop shape! You know, when I see a woman who likes her ale like you, it just gives me a little tingle all over.
- Quiet and shy, too, I like that.
- Let me give ya some advice-- - I want more.
- You don't wanna mess with her.
She's uh, ooh! OK, don't say I didn't warn ya.
More ale for my girlfriend, bartender.
You don't mind me calling you my girlfriend, do you? Good.
You know, Honey? You don't have to go to the festival with that runt.
Me and my friend, we'll give you all the drink you want.
Then we can have a festival of our own just the three of us.
What do you say? Ahhh! She's a monster! Oh-ho-ho-ho! Ooo, I'm outta here! Huh? Ahhhhhhh! Hercules doesn't stand a chance! Hercules? Do I look different to you? Well, you are, uh, beautiful just like always.
Why, thank you for the complement, but that's not what I asked.
I asked you if I look different.
OK, let me see.
Uh, your hair is a little different.
- No, that's not what I mean.
- All right, your-your clothes.
- No.
- Hercules, thanks for your help.
I've set aside my best wares for you - and your lady-friend to try out.
- Well, thank you, Clytus.
We'll be right over.
He can see you.
B-but you only let mortals see you as you're about to kill them.
- Uh, uh, no-no-not Clytus.
- No, Hera got angry about my policy to kill only those that deserve to die - so she made me mortal.
- It's because of me, isn't it? You stood up to her like I encouraged you to, and now you're being punished for it.
- I'm sorry, Nemesis.
- Don't be.
She ordered me to kill you.
And if mortality is the price I have to pay for not doing that, then so be it.
- Then I owe you my life.
- Don't be so sure about that.
Hera created someone to replace me, an enforcer.
I just came to see you, and now I'm afraid that I've led it right to you.
We really oughtta stick around and eat something, because we've got a long walk ahead of us, and I don't travel too well on an empty stomach, if you know what I mean.
I like it! I like it! Not much chitchat, but always thinking! Hey, you! That's my chariot! Ahhhhhhhh! Safety, first.
Ha-ha, I like that! Excuse me.
Uh, excuse me.
The fate of Greece is in the balance and, uh, it's very, uh, hold that thought.
- Hey! - Y-yeah, I'll, uh, uh Iolaus! I'd like to meet someone.
Remember when I mentioned my first love.
Oh! Oh, the woman with the feathers.
Well, sort of.
Uh, this is Nemesis in the flesh, but not the feathers.
Nemesis, you're named after the hitwoman of the gods? Boy! I'll bet you got teased at school! - Uh, Iolaus, this is Nemesis.
- Yeah, right.
Anyway, it's good to see Hercules with a woman again.
Frankly, lately, he's been a real 'goody-two-sandals', - if you know what I mean.
- It's nice to meet you again, Iolaus.
- Oh, we've met? I don't think so.
- Trust me you have but, this time it's under better circumstances.
- I am the Nemesis.
- Ha! And, once I was sent after you.
You don't remember me watching you, though, because I don't let humans see me until I'm ready to kill them.
Wait You mean she was gonna kill me? She's your friend, and she was gonna kill me? Wait a second.
I can see her now, can't I? So that means, uh Whoa! Iolaus! I'll be right back.
You know, they've got a speed limit in this part of Greece! - Must kill Hecules.
- Yeah, how could I forget? Ooooooooh! Look out! Watch the trees! A true friend is not afraid to give a friend advice - when he's making a mistake! - Iolaus, it's-- - Hi.
- Mmmmmmmm.
I'll, uh, be along later.
So 'true friend' can I give you some advice? Hey, don't change the subject, Hercules.
This is about you and Nemesis! Look, I know your mother thinks you should get married again, but it's a mistake to get hitched up with a a hitwoman.
I'm not going to marry her.
She's an old love who is now a friend.
Now, come here.
Ah! Hi.
I want you two to be friends.
So stay here and bury the hatchet.
Better make that, 'Forgive and forget.
' Think you can do that? - Just let bygones be bygones? - Any more cliche's while you're at it? - Hey, Hercules.
- Hi, Clytus.
Oh, Clytus, uh, wait.
I you know, I have to go and-and judge a, - uh, a pie-eating contest.
- Oh, this late? Until, no, I-I'll be right back.
Yeah, I have to know Well, I guess I should feel honored.
After all, I'm one of the few mortals to see the notorious Nemesis and live to tell the tale.
I, uh, I will live, won't I? I'm not that Nemesis any more, Iolaus.
I disobeyed the gods, and I spared your life because I watched you long enough to see that you're a very brave and honest man.
And I saw someone that I would be proud to have as my friend.
And I think if you looked at the real me, you would see a friend, too.
Yeah, well, thanks.
Oh, not horses oh, no way.
Sorry partner, you're on your own.
- Hera says, 'Kill Hercules.
' - Hera? I'm on Hera's team? Ha! Gnatius, ya finally made the big time! Ha-ha oh! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa.
Whoa.
What's wrong? I saw a man die! Torn apart by bare hands! It was terrible! - Who did all this? - A monster! I'm next! I know I am! It's comin' along the seawall route from Skoura! - It's after Hercules! - I'm Hercules.
Yeah, yeah.
Hercules! I gotta get to the festival to warn him! - No, but I'm-- - Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! Oh, oh, oh.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hercules.
Excuse me, did you come north from Skoura? I don't wanna scare you, but there's a creature - running around here who-- uh! - Ooh! who packs a heckuva punch.
Look, I am not going to fight a woman.
Wuhhhhhhhh! Maybe I should be more open-minded.
- Must kill Hercules.
- Are you sure we can't talk about this? Oh, good work, Gnatius.
You bet on another loser.
Hera, I wish that was you down there.
So then Hercules said, 'But wait a minute.
I'm half a god.
' - What happened to you? - Uh, Hera happened.
Hera? Wait a second, you went out to judge pies.
When did Hera get a grudge against pies? You snuck off on your own to find Hera's Enforcer, didn't you? - Enforcer? - Hera's replacement for Nemesis except this one doesn't carry a bow or have much of a personality.
She throws a a mean right hook, though.
- She? - Ah, yeah, she, I'm glad I won't have to fight her again.
Did you win? She's lying dead at the bottom of a cliff.
There's no killing you, is there, partner? Welcome back! Ya sure ya wanna try this? Chasing chickens is dirty work.
Yeah, but not if you're smart.
Ready? Go! I told you it was easy.
So I eat this with my hands? No, no, who said anything about hands? What's the matter? Aftaid of a little pie? OK, are ya ready? Go! Hey, let me help you.
That does it! - This is so beautiful, here.
- Hmm.
Especially being with you.
Well, there's nothing like being with old friends.
Friends? I was hoping we'd be a little more than just friends.
- What do you mean? - Hercules, I've never stopped loving you.
Nemesis, I I think you're feeling vulnerable because you've never been mortal before.
Being mortal has nothing to do with it.
I've always loved you.
And you know I've always cared about you.
I I just didn't think you know, after we broke up, you and your job and Hercules, will you just kiss me? Sure.
We can do better than that.
Probably.
Here comes someone.
Hope he's got lots of dinar.
Oh, no, it's a leper! Ahhhhhhhhh! Ahh! Don't hurt me! Have mercy! One dinar! Trust my luck to rob an unsuccessful thief.
Hey, partner! Partner? Whooaaaaa! Must kill Hercules.
Civilized people do not throw their partners into trees! Hey, wait a minute, I'm stuck up here you wanna help me get down?! Hey, I'm not a piece of fruit! I'm a human being! OK, if that's the way you're gonna play it, our partnership is over! - You must get lonely, sometimes.
- Sometimes.
Are you lonely now? Now, what kind of a question is that, hmm? I'm never lonely when I'm with you.
That's just what I wanted to hear you say.
Really.
She's a beauty, in't she? You're new around here, aren't ya? Kinda shy, too, I'm guessin'.
There's no need for that.
People are friendly around here.
Maybe, this one will be more your size.
What's the matter? Hercules says my swords are the best in the festival! - Hercules? - That's right, the one and only.
If you don't believe me, go to the inn, ask him yourself.
- Iolaus, Iolaus, Iolaus.
- I know what you mean.
Iolaus.
Come on, let me try this one.
Hi, around here, it's a crime for a doll like you - to be alone at the festival.
- Ooh! Please don't ignore me.
I've got better lines.
I think she's heard all of your lines.
- Where is Hercules? - He's not here.
Wait a minute.
You're the Enforcer.
- You're supposed to be dead.
- I'm back.
Everybody, get outta here! Get outta here! Quick as you can! You get to Hercules, over my dead body! Over my strong objection! - No blood.
- Uh, Iolaus, come on.
Hercules.
Hmm, we should get back to the festival.
I'm sure they could use our help.
You're always doing something for others.
You should do something for yourself, every once in a while.
- Well, it's my nature, hmm.
- I'm sure the festival survived without you for one night and so did Greece.
You need to allow yourself some happiness.
You deserve it.
Hercules.
Iolaus! The Enforcer, she's alive.
You have got the courage that the gods lack, Iolaus.
Yeah, I would have won but she's not human.
- Well, she's of the gods.
- Yeah, under her flesh it's w water she's made of water.
Mmm, that's why she didn't die when I fought her.
She fell off a cliff and disintegrated.
I thought she was destroyed, but she must have re-formed in the ocean.
Well, h-how are we gonna defeat her? I don't know.
Water's the most powerful force on Earth.
It can move mountains, sink continents mm-mm, but everyone's got a weakness.
Whatever you wanna do, I'm there for you, Hercules.
No, not now, not when you're mortal.
You could wind up like Iolaus, or worse.
You're not the only one who has a bone to pick with Hera.
Nemesis, you could die.
I won't take that risk.
- There you go.
- Thanks.
Where is Hercules? Thanks.
You know, Hercules, it's not your fault, that I got hurt.
I mean, I I chose to fight her.
I know.
Don't worry, I'll get her.
- Uh, maybe you shouldn't.
- Why not? I mean, she's not gonna stop coming after me.
Nemesis, stay here w-- she's gone after the Enforcer.
Go.
Where is Hercules? I thought that would get your attention.
If you want Hercules, follow me.
Come on, Hercules is in the forge.
Hey, up here! You've gotta go through me to get to Hercules.
Nemesis! Wrong person, lady! Remember me? - Hera says, 'Kill Hercules.
' - Yeah, I know but she never has the courage to say it to my face.
Nemesis.
I'm glad to see that you're feeling better.
Hmm, well, becoming mortal has brought with it many new complications.
I think I need to spend some time alone, to figure out where I should go next.
I'll miss you.
Well, you know, Hercules, the new me could find out that I love you even more and then I would make you - fit me into your life.
- Really? I'd like that.
Goodbye, Nemesis.
Goodbye.
Aw, that was excellent work on the goodbye kiss.
You know? If you really want a relationship to last it's crucial to develop the goodbye kiss.
Hmm, well, it's always nice to hear from an expert on romance.
- Yeah.
Ah, ow! - Sorry, Iolaus.
Captioned by Grantman Brown