Hey Arnold! (1996) s02e13 Episode Script

1
MAN: Here we go.
HELGA: Arnold.
(YOWLING)
(BARKING)
Hey, Arnold!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(CRASHING)
(SCREAMS)
Hey, Arnold!
Arnold.
Arnold.
(SIREN WAILING)
Arnold.
Arnold.
Move it, football head!
ALL: Hey, Arnold!
Back it up little more,
careful there, what
do you think, boys?
It's a forty-foot
Kielbasa.
Four days till
the food festival.
Neighborhood really got
into it this year.
Here's your badge, Oskar.
Don't forget, you're a judge
in the eating contest.
Yeah, sure, but I get to eat
everything I want, right?
Sure, no problem,
so boys, I hope you'll be
at the eating contest too.
Of course, they will,
they'll be there Saturday
night with bells on.
I don't get it,
what's the big deal,
why even have
an eating contest?
(LAUGHS) Oh, you'll win
for sure, short man.
It runs in the family.
No one in our line has failed
to distinguish themself
in the neighborhood eat off.
You mean, it's a
family tradition?
It sure is, come on, Arnold,
I wanna show you something.
(LAUGHS) Winning
the eating contest was
the proudest day of my life.
It was the Great Eat Off
of 1929.
My father had trained me
for weeks.
JUDGE: Final round,
eaters ready.
Grab your forks and eat.
(ALL CHEERING)
Father, you have tears
in your eyes.
Why, Father?
Because I'm so proud
of the way you eat, son.
So you see, Arnold, eating
mass quantities of food
in an arena while a crowd
cheers you on
is in our family's blood.
I don't know, Grandpa.
Course, you do.
An eating contest is nothing
but fun.
I loved it when I was a kid.
You're a kid,
you'll love it too.
Plus I've taken bets
from everyone
in the neighborhood.
There's a lot of money
riding on you, boy.
But, Grandpa.
But nothing.
You better get some rest,
it's after 8 o'clock,
remember you're in training,
what are you doing up?
Now off to bed now,
good night, Arnold.
(CACKLES)
So then my Grandpa
tells me the whole history
of our family
in this eating contest.
Sounds like you're in, huh?
I guess so.
He really wants me to win.
Hah, you can't win.
I can eat way more than
you can.
Look.
Watch this, Harold.
(LAUGHS) You guys
are all pathetic.
You call that eating?
You don't stand a chance.
The contest's Saturday,
it's already won.
What are you talking about,
Helga?
I'm talking about the guy
I got my money on.
I'm talking about Seymour.
No one can out eat him.
Seymour, who's that?
He's only an eating legend,
hair boy.
Wait a minute, I know
my legends.
And I've never heard
of a kid name Seymour.
Well, then, I suggest you
go over to PS 119th
neighborhood
and ask around.
Hey, anybody know
where we can find Seymour?
Seymour, you mean
The Disposal.
ALL: The Disposal?
What do you think
we're looking at?
He's right in there
you little clowns.
Behold, the eighth
wonder of the world.
Ooh, I'm the big, hungry
Disposal.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Yeah, they say he's always
hungry,
and he knows how
to pace himself and
there's a rumor
that he has two
stomachs.
I pity the poor sucker
who thinks he can beat him.
(CACKLING)
Who's laughing now?
(LAUGHING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
GERALD: You wanna go
through with this?
ARNOLD: I don't know.
I'm not sure
what I should do.
I'll go talk to Grandpa.
Grandpa.
Grandpa, I've been thinking
about this eating contest
and I hate to disappoint you,
but
Arnold be in the contest?
(SNORING) Win the contest,
it's my fondest wish.
I know you can do it, boy.
Eat, oh, eat,
I'm so proud of you.
I'm so proud.
I can't let him down.
It would really
hurt him.
(CACKLING)
Oh, boy, my fake nap
plan worked perfectly.
(SNORING)
Hey, Arnold, is that you
lurking?
I was dead asleep,
I'm just waking up.
Hey, it's training time
for that eating contest.
What do you say,
short man?
Okay, Grandpa,
let's do it.
Now remember,
pace yourself.
And go.
Go, Arnold, go.
Eat through the pain.
Study how he does it, Arnold,
pace yourself.
While walking
just like Avner.
(VOMITS)
Mmm.
It's lobster bisque.
Mmm.
(RETCHING)
Ah, well, there's nothing
like a double deluxe
ice cream sundae
to celebrate
your successful training.
Tomorrow's the big day,
better get some shut-eye.
Now, when you're sleeping.
You have to think
about food.
Lots and lots of food.
GRANDPA: Wake up.
Ugh, what's that smell?
Oh, a delicious
herring sandwich.
Well, I'd offer you some
but you can't have
a single bite
not until the contest.
Now, up and at 'em,
it's the Block Party Festival
of Food Fiesta day.
What are you doing, Oskar,
you're a judge.
That's what I'm doing,
I'm judging the shish kebab.
(LAUGHING)
Hey, uh
who's the favorite
in the eating contest,
Oskar?
Well, personally,
I like that shrimpy kid.
(GASPS)
I'm betting my money
on him.
(GASPING)
Mamaleone.
Mmm, man.
This is good,
you sure you don't want some.
No thanks.
Grandpa says all I can
have is water till
the contest begins.
(GASPS) Oh, by Odin's beard,
what I saw, boys.
Not a child at all,
I tell ya, but some kind
of eating machine.
I've never seen
anything like it.
Oh, you mean
The Disposal?
There's no way
you can beat him, Arnold.
You'll die trying.
Maybe this no-goodnik ninny
is right for once, Arnold.
Maybe, you'd better
give up.
No, Grandpa, I won't give up.
I've got to win that contest.
The honor of
the family name
depends on it.
Plus for the first time
in days,
I'm really, really hungry.
Now you're talking,
short man.
Go, get him.
Ooh, that fool, that poor,
misguided, brave,
little fool.
Are all the competitors here?
(ALL GASP)
Okay, remember the one rule,
eat as much as you can,
till you can't anymore.
Ready?
The annual eating contest
has official begun.
Bring in the first dish.
Tacos from El Pattio.
I love this contest.
I love eating.
Wait, ugh, I think
I ate too fast.
Oh, my belly hurts.
Ah!
Mommy!
(ALL LAUGHING)
Just took two bites.
(BELL DINGING)
Grandma's stuffed
bell peppers.
What did your grandma
stuff these with,
football head?
Socks?
Hey,
that recipe
was a secret.
Souvlaki from
Gino's Souvlaki stand.
(BELL DINGING)
Mrs. Johanssen's Special
Caesar salad.
(BELL DINGING)
(GASPING)
My own entry,
a delicious garlic kielbasa
rolled in cabbage.
Pace yourself, Arnold.
Eat through the pain.
JUDGE: Only Arnold
and Seymour remain.
(ALL CHEERING)
Just one more dish
after this, you're doing
great.
And now the final stage,
dessert.
Ice cream from
the Jolly Olly Man.
I know you can do it, Arnold.
I've reached
the end, Grandpa.
I have limits,
I'm only nine.
Nine year olds
love cake.
Arnold.
Remember family and tradition
and the fifty bucks I've got
riding on this thing.
Well, I can't beat that.
You really
are The Disposal.
How are you feeling?
(BURPS)
I think he's feeling
pretty good.
(BURPS)
(PLOPS)
(ALL GASPING)
(GASPS)
You did it, Arnold.
You did it.
Not yet, Gerald.
Technically Arnold has to eat
one bite of that cake to win.
Just one bite, Arnold,
one bite.
ALL: (CHANTING) One bite,
one bite, one bite.
Okay.
Here goes.
(CHANTING CONTINUES)
(ALL CHEERING)
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
Ho, ho! You did it,
short man.
I knew you could do it.
(HICCUPS)
Arnold, this calls for
a celebration.
Look, I saved half of
this morning's herring
sandwich.
Grandpa, I never want
to hear the word "food" again.
Well, more for me then.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Crimeny, look at Rhonda.
She thinks she's
princess of the bus.
Excuse me, but can we do
a mirror check?
No offense, but you belong
in the back with the
rest of the geeks.
And take your geeky
glasses with you.
EUGENE: You must be new
on this route.
The front seats
are only for the cool kids.
(RUMBLING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Uh-oh.
Eugene's getting
car sick again.
(RETCHING)
(WEAKLY) I'm okay.
PRINCIPAL WARTZ:
Attention, all
fourth graders, please,
what is this (MUMBLES)
I can't read without
my glasses.
Oh, report. Please report
to the nurse's office
for compulsory eye exams.
NURSE: My little niece,
Sheena is in your class.
Do you girls play
together?
No offense, but we're not
in the same crowd.
I see, read the third line,
please.
E, uh, no.
No, F?
And then a P
or an R.
Gosh, you can't read
any of the letters, can you?
Poor dear,
you need glasses right away.
(GASPS)
(EXCLAIMS) But
that's impossible.
Nobody in my family
wears glasses.
Well, then, you'll
be the first.
I'll go ahead
and notify your mother.
Look, I can't possibly
wear glasses.
Glasses are for nerds.
Glasses aren't
any big deal, Rhonda.
I wear 'em and I don't
look half bad, now,
do I?
No.
(GASPS)
BROOKE:
Rhonda, just accept it,
you can't have contacts yet.
RHONDA: But, Mom
Well, we both can't be
upset at the same time.
Hello, this is Brooke
calling for Buckley.
It's a family emergency.
They're crooked,
why are all these frames
crooked? Every single one.
Mother, what if my ears
are crooked?
Oh, bit your tongue
you wretched girl.
Buckley, dear, we got
some truly dreadful news
today.
I'm still reeling,
our perfect little Rhonda
needs (WHISPERS) glasses.
Take them off, Rhonda,
you're upsetting me.
I want to talk to Daddy.
(SOBS) I hate my life,
Daddy.
Why does everything
happen to me?
I'm so unlucky.
Pull yourself together,
Rhonda, we're in public.
Well, what are you going
to do about it, Buckley?
Darling, you're first-rate.
Daddy's gonna buy you
a pony, feel better now?
Well, a little.
How about this pair,
Mother?
They rob you of your beauty,
they simply do.
(ALL GASPING)
Crimeny, it's the geek
formerly known as
princess Rhonda Lloyd.
What are you looking at?
Excuse me, can we do
a mirror check?
No offense, but you're
definitely back of the bus
material.
Take that back.
(IMITATES SIREN) Geek alert.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Geek alert.
ALL: Back of the bus.
ALL: (CHANTING AND LAUGHING)
Back of the bus.
ALL: Geek alert.
I like your glasses, Rhonda,
they kind of remind me
of my aunt's.
Please don't speak to me.
You wanna borrow
my new pocket protector?
It's really cool.
I'm pretending
not to be here.
It's not so bad
in the back, Rhonda.
Everybody's real nice,
we have fun,
uh-oh.
I'm gonna be sick.
It's official, in 15,
my life is over.
Auntie Shelley, Rhonda says
that the bus ride made
her sick.
Hm?
And she can't go to class.
Mm-hmm.
I get carsick every morning,
but once we stop moving
and I stop throwing up.
I feel much better.
Well, (CHUCKLES)
that's very different,
but thanks anyway, Eugene.
I keep these crackers
handy 'cause they settle
my stomach.
Maybe they'll help you
feel better.
Nothing is going to make me
feel better when I'm wearing
these awful glasses.
It's just not fair,
I'm the coolest girl
in class.
I give the best
slumber parties
and I have the most
stylish and up to date
clothes.
Rhonda's all about style.
And then overnight,
I turn into a geek
and kids like you and
Sheena are feeling sorry
for me.
All because of these
horrible glasses,
I can't take it.
Oh, poor dear, it's a lot
of pressure being
the coolest girl
in class, I know.
When I was your age,
I was the coolest girl
in class.
(SCREAMING)
(CRYING)
No!
(BELL RINGING)
I can't believe they made us
watch that dumb hygiene movie.
Could you even see
the screen, Rhonda?
You didn't even have
your glasses on.
I don't need to wear
glasses all the time.
Right.
Then I guess you sat
in bubblegum on purpose.
(GASPS) I've been walking
around with gum on my shirt?
Nadine, why didn't
you tell me?
(ALL LAUGHING)
Ow! Oh, my nose.
Is it bleeding?
Ah!
Don't worry.
This happens to us
all the time.
Please don't touch me,
Sheena.
I'm not one of you.
PRINCIPAL WARTZ: Attention,
the student's health committee
meeting has been canceled
due to illness.
Uh, that Band-Aid blends
nicely with your skin tone,
Rhonda.
Grrr.
How the mighty
have fallen, huh, Phoebes?
Poor Rhonda, next thing
you know, she'll wake up
with big buck teeth
and start reading
computer magazines.
Cut it out, Helga,
I don't need any of
your fake sympathy.
I'm still a trendsetter.
(SCOFFS) Yeah, right
I suppose glasses
and bubblegum are the
latest fashion accessories.
Oh, and I like the toilet
paper trailing off your shoe.
It's so chic, hah!
What?
(CRUNCHES)
Oh, my glasses.
Don't worry, we can
fix your glasses.
It happens all the time.
Curly, give me
the duct tape.
Mmm.
That's weird,
these glasses keep tilting.
Are your ears crooked,
Rhonda?
It's official, 11:48,
I am now a total geek.
PRINCIPAL WARTZ: A reminder
about lunchtime, students,
lunchtime is for eating.
That's eating, chewing,
swallowing, digesting
your food stuffs,
not throwing it
across the table
at each other.
Uh, that's just how
we conduct ourselves
You can sit at
our table, Rhonda.
I don't need you
to feel sorry for me, Arnold.
Oh, careful, Rhonda,
this table's really old.
Then why are
we sitting here?
The good table are
always taken.
We gotta put some
cardboard underneath
here, guys.
(ALL CHUCKLING)
This is so pathetic.
Got the ball, Brainy.
Yeah.
Great, now that
there's four of us,
we can play four square.
Curly's saving us
a corner.
We can't play with that ball.
It's totally flat.
Well, that's the only
reason they let us
keep it.
Hmph.
Why did we let the other
kids take cuts on our court?
Curly was saving it for us.
It's okay, they probably
didn't see him.
See, once you're a geek,
people don't really
notice you.
Look, we shouldn't have
to play with the flat ball.
We deserve a good ball
like everybody else.
Uh, everybody can
hear you, Rhonda.
Good, I want them
to hear me.
We shouldn't have to sit
at the worst table in
the cafeteria either
and what's the deal
with the back of the bus?
Why should we have
to get thrown around
like a sack of potatoes?
Why else? Why?
Don't geeks have
feelings too?
If you tickle us,
don't we laugh?
If you prick us,
don't we bleed?
She's right.
It's always been this way,
Rhonda.
I don't think one kid
like you is gonna change it.
Then you don't know,
Eugene.
If Rhonda Lloyd
has to be a geek.
Then the rules about
geeks are going to change.
Are you with me?
Are we going to fight
this injustice together?
I don't know about that.
Nobody cares
what we think, Rhonda.
Then it's about time,
Eugene.
It's about time you showed
the other kids
that below that pencil neck
of yours beats a brave heart.
And you two.
Don't let anybody put
you down, be proud
of who you are.
You're so brave, Rhonda.
You're the queen
of the geeks.
ALL: (CHANTING)
Queen of the Geeks.
I'm sitting in the front,
move over.
I don't think so,
let's ask the mirror.
Mirror, mirror, on the bus,
is she a geek or one of us?
Geek.
(ALL LAUGHING)
I'm not going anywhere.
I like it fine right here.
(ALL GASPING)
I don't make the rules,
you know.
So just go.
It's a free country,
I can sit wherever I want.
Not on this bus.
You can't tell me
what to do.
I'm not moving.
What are you looking at?
Come on, get in the back.
Uh, I'm not going.
What?
I'm tired of sitting
in the back and I'm tired
of throwing up.
You little twerp.
Leave him alone
and go sit down.
I'm not sitting down
until you move.
I'm Rhonda Wellington Lloyd
and I don't have to move
for you or anyone else.
I demand my right to sit
anywhere I want,
anytime I want.
And these other geeks,
I mean, kids,
they can sit anywhere
they want.
Rhonda's right,
nobody should make
anyone else feel bad
about who they are
and how they look.
I say we get rid
of the geek seats
and let everybody
sit where they want.
(ALL CHEERING)
This is out of control.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Hey, you, you might
need this.
Touche, Eugene.
Nice frames, Rhonda.
They follow the delicate
curve of my cheek.
Hi, Rhonda.
Excuse me, but where
are you going?
There's room
for both of us, you know?
As long as it's not
an everyday thing.
Like my glasses?
I have them in
three designer styles,
one's for dressier occasions,
but these are my kicky,
girl on the go pair
for every day.
(CLOSING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)