I Didn't Do It (2014) s02e13 Episode Script

What is that? What's it look like? It's me! I even look good in two dimensions.
Great.
So now you'll be here even when you're not here.
Comforting, isn't it? Today I'm unveiling my latest creation the Banana Boat smoothie.
Whenever someone orders the Banana Boat, you push that button.
This button? That's right.
The button that wasn't there yesterday.
Go on.
It's the horn from an old Coast Guard ship.
My crew gave it to me when I retired.
I was deeply touched.
Though I'm not sure what they were trying to tell me.
Well, it's loud and it wreaks havoc on the nervous system I have a theory.
Keep it to yourself.
Betty, I don't think the horn is a very good idea.
I agree.
Excuse me? Betty doesn't have bad ideas.
I'm sorry, you're right.
The deafening horn is a great idea.
Oh, one more thing.
Before you push that button, you have to sing the song.
There's a song? And really shout out that last part.
Loud and proud.
I don't know about you guys, but I'm gonna be ordering a lot of Banana Boats.
I was wrong.
This job can get more humiliating.
What'd you get for number eight? Uh, Y equals X squared.
Yeah, that right.
Oh, good.
That's what I got, too.
Oh, hey, Deels, do you want to spend Saturday night on my Uncle Roy's houseboat? He's going out of town and asked me if I'd take care of his cat.
I wish I could.
You know I love cats, but I have an English paper due Monday and I'm gonna be working on it all weekend.
Bummer.
Well, I guess I'll just go alone.
Yeah, too bad you don't have another best friend.
Jazz, I would have invited you, but it's only two days away and I know you need to plan stuff way in advance.
That's not always true.
You lay out your school clothes a week ahead of time, you're done Christmas shopping by August, and you already have a rough draft for your wedding vows.
Are you saying I'm not spontaneous? No, you're totally spontaneous with plenty of advance notice.
Speaking of advance notice, what'd you get for number nine? Hmm.
What to have, what to have One Banana Boat smoothie, please.
May I suggest something else? Sure, suggest away.
Oh, well, how about No, thanks.
I'm really in the mood for banana.
Plus, I like a little music with my smoothie.
Hi, Betty.
I'm ordering the Banana Boat.
Loud and proud! I can't hear you.
Aren't you forgetting something? That was awesome.
I could own the playground if I had that on my bike.
You off your training wheels yet? I'm workin' on it! This is my nephew Kevin.
Kevin, this is Logan.
The one I told you about.
So, uh, she's told you about me? You wouldn't be smilin' if you knew what she said.
Yep.
Definitely your nephew.
Hey, Deels.
Deels.
Deels! Cool headphones.
Thanks! They're my dad's.
Right, he works at the airport.
Sometimes he wears them at home.
Depending on the mood my other dad is in.
If this horn is bugging you, why don't you just study somewhere else? I've tried every table in here, and for some weird reason this is the only place I can concentrate.
Kind of like in the third grade how you can only do your homework in the janitor's closet? No, I ate my lunch in the janitor's closet.
I did my homework in the bathroom stall.
School days.
And those really block out the noise, huh? Oh, yeah.
With these bad boys, nothing bothers me at all.
Well, this never happened in the bathroom stall.
Hi.
Hi.
Do you think I'm fun? Not right now you're not.
What time is it? Five a.
m.
How did you get in the house? I woke up your mom.
By the way, she is not fun at five a.
m.
Great story.
And, um, you're here why? I wanted to show you that I can be fun and spontaneous too.
Take me to the houseboat.
Jazz, you don't have to prove anything to me.
Thanks for stopping by.
You're still here, aren't you? I really can be fun.
Fine.
Fine.
You can come to the houseboat.
Awesome! When do we leave? First thing Saturday morning.
So I've got 24 hours to pull off spontaneous.
I better get busy.
Hmm.
What to have, what to have Anything but the Banana Bo One Banana Boat, please.
Did Logan tell you to order that? No.
He paid me to order that.
I'll double whatever he's paying you.
Then you owe me two dollars.
I'll give you three.
Four! Five.
Four! Uh, I know you don't have to be a genius to work here, but you're supposed to go up, not down.
All I have is four.
One Banana Boat, please.
There's your smoothie, here's your ship's horn.
Someone stole Betty's horn! Do you think she'll notice? Aaaahhhhh!!! She might.
Well, went down to the police department and filed a report.
So what are they gonna do? Dust for prints? Bring in the perps for a lineup? Turn this stinkin' city upside-down? You've gotta stop watching all those cop shows.
I can't.
The only thing I like more than cats are cops.
Cat Cop.
Badge.
Hat.
Whiskers.
So, what are the police gonna do? They didn't think my ship's horn was a top priority.
It's probably because I was Coast Guard.
Hmmph.
They've always been jealous of us.
Landlubbers.
I'm sorry, Betty.
I know that horn meant a lot to you.
It did.
Why would somebody steal it? I don't know, but I'd like to volunteer to solve this crime.
No, I'm serious.
I'll crack this case wide open! Oh thank you, Logan.
Laughter helps in such a dark time.
Guys, I'm not kidding.
I love mysteries.
It's the only time other people are clueless too.
That's the smartest thing you've ever said.
If you think you can solve the crime, knock yourself out.
I'll give it everything I got.
Kiss that horn goodbye.
Now, until I solve this mystery, everyone's a suspect.
Including you.
Including me.
This is so cute.
Where's the rest of it? This is it.
So the bathroom's upstairs? No, seagulls upstairs, fish downstairs, people in the middle.
The shower and the toilet are together.
That's a timesaver.
What's that smell? Fish.
It's smells different than the kind you eat.
There's no lemony tartar sauce thing happening.
Yeah, the fish don't really do that until a chef gets ahold of 'em.
Oh, Uncle Roy left us a note.
"Ahoy, Lindy and Jasmine.
"Welcome to the SS Empress of the Sea.
"Please feed the cat when you arrive.
He's shy, he'll probably be under the bed.
" Aw Here, kitty Whoa, that is the fattest cat I have ever seen! And I've seen Biggest Animal Edition.
I saw that.
That hippo was so inspiring.
"Please give him the small bowl of cat food.
It's in the fridge.
" He said the small bowl.
This is the small bowl.
Okay.
Here, kitty Here ya go.
Well, at least he's not finicky.
Let's get some light in here.
Aaah! Ahoy! I'm Margaret.
I live next door.
And you mean right next door.
Privacy's the price you pay to live on the water.
But if you love the water, it's worth it.
Do you love the water? I love the water.
Me too.
I even love the shower-toilet.
If you need anything, I'm always around.
Just holler.
Actually, you don't need to holler.
I can pretty much hear everything you say.
Funny.
In the note, Uncle Roy didn't mention his extremely next door neighbor.
Our relationship's complicated.
Well, I better get on with my day.
Nice to meet you.
The giant cat isn't the creepiest thing anymore.
Can you spell your name? Yes.
Next question: Did you steal the horn? No.
Do you want to change your answer? No.
Darn it! Okay.
According to various sources, you hated that horn.
That's hearsay.
I know.
I hear'ed you say it.
Can you spell your name? You already asked me that.
Did you steal the horn? Are we just starting over? Don't judge my process.
I'm gonna ask you one more time: Can you spell your name? G-A-R-R-E-T-T.
There's two T's? I never knew that.
Hey, Deels.
Got a minute? Kinda busy.
Working on my English paper.
Ah.
I remember schoolwork.
I used to do that.
Then I got caught up in a little thing called justice.
I didn't take the horn.
And why are you yelling? Because that's what all the cops on TV do.
I was supposed to pound the table too, but I forgot.
By the way, I turned Cat Cop into a TV show, and there might just be a part for you.
Who would I play? Cat Cop's dim-witted owner Jerry.
I'd be a great Jerry! Please forget I ever bothered you.
So, I hear you ask some tough questions.
You're talkin' to other suspects.
This would suggest a conspiracy.
Not so much a conspiracy as collusion.
Let's just stick to the words I know.
So, Kevin, isn't it true you wanted that ship's horn for your bike? I want a lot of things for my bike, like a motor, and a tailpipe that blows bubbles.
Dude, that would be so sweet.
You know who I think took off Betty's horn? You.
Me? Why would I take it? Why wouldn't you take it? Oh, you're good.
And then you volunteered to solve the case? Very suspicious.
Don't point the finger at me.
I'm pointing the finger at you.
Can't we point the finger at each other? I don't like the way this is going! Then I guess we're done here.
Thank you! Ohh.
I think the fish smell is getting stronger.
Are you gonna wear that nose clip the rest of the weekend? Yes.
Let's figure something out for dinner.
Did someone say "dinner"? I made a pot of my famous fish stew.
I thought you girls might enjoy some.
What kind of fish is in here? I don't know.
I just flip on the propeller, usually get six or seven of whatever's floating by.
Bon appétit.
Okay, who's ready for some propeller stew? Ugh.
I could smell that through the nose clip.
This is a nightmare! It's not that bad.
Not that bad? I'm wearing a nose clip, there's a giant cat under the bed, and there's a toilet in the shower! Which you said you loved.
I was lying! What happened to being fun and spontaneous? Well, I'm sorry, I thought spontaneous was gonna smell better.
Maybe we should just go home.
No, no.
I can do this.
Jazz, you gave it your best shot.
But the truth is, you're just not a spontaneous person.
You're a planner.
And that's okay.
I tried to make it work.
I know you did.
And that hippo tried to stay thin, but he just blew right back up.
Look, tomorrow we'll get up, feed the cat, and go home.
Okay.
But I am still not having any of that disgusting fish stew.
Just a reminder, I can hear everything you say! Hey, Jazz, be right back.
I'm gonna get us some breakfast.
Linds? Are you okay? Someone moved the dock! Actually, someone moved the boat.
Me! Who's spontaneous now? This girl! So I thought what could be more spontaneous than waking up at five in the morning, firing up the engine, and driving into the lake? Um, how did you know where we were going? I didn't.
We're lost! Then how do we find our way back? Doesn't matter.
We're out of gas! Um, this is all bad news.
Why are you so excited? I can't help it! I love not knowing what's gonna happen next.
This is the most exciting trip I've ever been on! We are not supposed to be on a trip! This is what happens when a planner like me goes rogue! Stop enjoying this! No, keep going.
It's very entertaining.
Margaret?! Good morning! What are you doing here? I saw you take off earlier, and I thought, "This is gonna end badly.
" And I wanted to see that.
You are a lifesaver.
Then I better get to savin'.
I'll tow us back to the dock.
Wow.
Margaret's boat has a loud motor.
Actually, that noise is coming from under the bed.
Are we out of cat food? Uh-huh.
Maybe we should ride back on Margaret's boat.
Good idea.
I suppose you're all wondering why I gathered you here today.
Is it about the horn? Well, that's gonna speed things up.
So last night I was thinkin' who hated that horn more than anyone? Why are you lookin' at me? Because, Garrett with two T's, you are the obvious suspect.
I told you, I was home asleep.
Which was confirmed by your mother.
She also told me you had a nightmare and spent the night curled up at the foot of her bed.
I find her snoring very comforting.
And that brings us to the two suspects who left the scene of the crime and tried to make a quick escape to Canada! Lake Michigan doesn't border Canada.
When did that change? Never.
Well, isn't that convenient.
And that brings us to Kevin who wanted a horn for his bike.
But he didn't do it the kid has enough problems.
He still needs training wheels.
I've got balance issues.
Which brings us to Delia, who's made no secret of how much she hated the horn.
It wasn't meee-ow.
That's Cat Cop's catchphrase.
But Delia didn't do it either.
That's all the suspects.
So this is a whodunit where nobody done it? Oh, someone done it.
Donut No, did it.
And the culprit is the least likely suspect, because she's also the victim.
That's right, Betty stole her own horn! That's ridiculous.
Oh, is it? Then why on the night of the crime were the security cameras mysteriously turned off? That doesn't prove anything.
That's not all.
I stopped by the police department to see if they had any leads, found out you never even filed a report! Stop doing that! That doesn't make any sense.
Why would Betty steal her own horn? Because that horn was a bad idea.
And what does Betty hate more than anything? Teens.
Technology.
Feet on her furniture.
Bubblegum.
Most of our family? Yes all true.
But more than anything, Betty hates admitting she's wrong.
All right, all right! I did it! The stupid horn was driving me crazy.
Anything else you'd like to say? Fine.
I was wrong.
Thank you.
To let you solve this case.
I can't believe you figured it out.
I'm just glad she confessed.
I was starting to think it was me.
I'm so proud of you for getting your training wheels off.
Well, one wheel.
I'll get the other one off soon.
For now all I gotta do is lean left.
Well, I'm happy to give you my ship's horn as a reward.
This is gonna be awesome.
I can't wait to show it off to my friends, and scare old people.
I'd tell you not to do that, but it sounds funny.
Okay, you ready to give the new horn a try? Yes! Maybe that was a bad idea.
At least your other training wheel is off.
Dad