iCarly s02e13 Episode Script

Okay, twelve bottles of soda, diet and regular.
Five cans of nuts, assorted.
Chips, five bags, nine cylinders.
Hey, sorry.
Where have you been? I got this new-- don't care.
Okay.
I've already got drinks, nuts, chips--ooh, dip.
Should we get onion or maybe guaca-- what are you doing? My mom got me a home bio scanner.
Will it help us plan Sam's birthday party? No, but check out how it works.
See, I just prick my finger with this thing.
We don't have time for you to prick your silly finger.
Now I just squeeze out a drop of blood Gross.
And then I rub it around on this panel which is connected to my laptop, and in two minutes, it'll tell me all kinds of biological stuff about myself.
Stuff like that you have a bloody punctured finger? Come help me.
Why are you so worried about Sam's party? 'Cause I want it to be special.
The one her mom threw last year was so lame.
You don't like bowling? I do, when it's at an actual bowling alley and not outside in the parking lot at el taco guapo.
Hey, Carly, Fredwardo.
What up with the tuxedo? Do you like it, hmm? Little side view, little over the shoulder, twirly spin, foot in the air, hips forward, hmm? Why did you rent a tux? I didn't.
Socko's brother Taylor made it for me so his grandmother can take me to the Mexican ballet.
So why are you wearing it now? 'Cause I dig looking super hot.
And get this, you know that cute checkout girl at hey food? Veronica? Yeah.
Well, you know how I always try and flirt with her, and she just says, "paper or plastic?" And I say, "come on.
Why don't you go out with me?" And she says, "don't make me call the cops.
" And I say, "okay, sorry.
Plastic.
" Yeah.
Right.
Well, today, she asked me out.
Friday night, baby.
It's the power of the tux.
Yo.
I got my bio scan test results.
Ooh, please give me a full report.
All right, let's see.
From just one little drop of my blood, it knows that I'm Prone to excessive bleeding.
But I'm not prone to excessive-- Freddie.
Oh, God.
Paper towel, paper towel, paper towel.
Aah-aah-aah.
In five, four, three, two I know you see somehow the world will change for me and be so wonderful live life breathe air I know somehow we're gonna get there and feel so wonderful it's all for real I'm tellin' you just how I feel so wake up the members of my nation it's your time to be there's no chance unless you take one every time just see the brighter side of every situation some things are meant to be so give it your best and leave the rest to me Okay, iCarly fans.
Now, it's time for Okay, on screen, you see a pic of Carly.
And a pic of Sam's rabid cat.
His name is frothy.
What do you think, Sam? I'd morph that.
Then do it.
Okay.
That's it for this iCarly.
Yeah, not quite.
Huh? Before we go It's my birthday.
Till next time.
Get plenty of sleep.
Eat lots of dirt.
And scream at the sky.
Now, to close the show, a song for Sam.
Happy-- stop, stop, stop.
Not pd.
For she's a jolly good fellow for she's a jolly good fellow this party is so great.
I can't believe you invited Pete.
I had to.
You haven't stop talking about him for three weeks.
I can't help it.
The boy gets me going.
I got it.
I got it.
Hey, Veronica.
Hi.
Hey.
You wanna dance? Um, no, thanks.
Why not? 'Cause I'm different? Your loss, lady.
Uh, Carly.
Hey.
You met my little sister Carly? Oh, yeah.
Paper.
Plastic.
Oh, right.
Okay, so we're gonna head out.
So if you have any problems, Mrs.
Benson is next door and I've got my-- okay, bye.
Apparently, we're leaving.
Just promise me you'll make sure that if anything goes wrong-- hey, everybody.
Hey, everybody, listen, listen up.
All right, now the time has come for whoever wants to say some words about the birthday girl.
Carly, you wanna go first? I do.
Carly.
Hey, everybody.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sam, first, Happy Birthday.
You're my best friend in the whole world and the funniest person I've ever met.
Yes, Sam.
Aow! Sam, you're smart and creative and fun and awesome, and you're the only person I know who can eat an entire ham in less than 15 minutes.
To Sam.
Yeah.
Freddie, you're up.
Freddie.
Freddie.
Freddie.
All right.
I got a few words to say about Sam.
Better watch it, Fredifer.
I just wanna say, Sam, even though you constantly cause me both physical and emotional pain-- Not joking.
I think of you and me as really close friends.
Apparently, I haven't caused him enough emotional pain.
Sam, you're funny, you're cool, and you're the only girl I've ever seen knock out a truck driver using only a carton of milk.
So, Happy Birthday, you crazy psychopath.
Gibby, your turn, get up here.
Gibby! All right! Hey.
Couple of years ago, I asked Sam to go with me to the junior high dance.
Aww.
So she broke my thumb.
And at some point during the slumber party, Sam took my bra, filled it with pudding, and stuck it in the freezer.
Then, the next morning, she took it out and threatened to beat my brother with it unless he gave her his muffin.
And even though I haven't known Sam for too long, I know that if I ever get in a fight and I can have either the football team or Sam back me up, I'm going with Sam.
You are one bad dude.
Uh, Gibby, maybe you wanna put your vest back on? What are you, a cop? Hey.
Hey.
Party still going on? Uh, yeah.
But at 10:00, everyone turned invisible.
Hey, keep it down, you guys.
Sorry.
Are you okay? My date with Veronica didn't go too well.
Why? You said you guys really clicked the other day at hey food.
I know.
I don't get it.
Maybe she only likes you when you're wearing a tux.
You know what? I think you may be right.
I was kidding.
No.
Think about it.
She wouldn't talk to me for months.
Then I wear the tux and boom, she gets all flirty and asks me out.
Then I don't wear the tux on our date and boom, she doesn't like me again.
The tux is the key.
Oh, please, there's no way-- shh.
The tux is the key.
Why are you cleaning out your locker? Just am.
But these are your throwin' eggs.
I know.
Okay, why have you been acting all weird since the party? It's no big deal.
Just forget about it.
AA-aah! The next time I sneeze, you better say "god bless you.
" I will.
I'm sorry.
Who is that girl? Some chick named Jocelyn.
Aah! And she's a student? Uh-huh.
She's a senior.
Yeah, a senior citizen.
Let me down.
No.
Can someone call the police? Maybe you should stop her? Why me? You know, 'cause you're-- just 'cause some bully's picking on a kid doesn't mean I should go in there-- hey, hey, hey.
Hey, break it up.
Put that boy down right now.
Aak! Uhh! Aah! You irritate me! Come on, you people are gonna be late for homeroom.
Go.
Go on.
We better go.
No.
We're gonna be late.
I don't care.
What's bothering you? When everyone was making their speeches about me at the party, it made me feel icky.
Why? They said nice stuff.
Yeah, Pete said he'd want me for backup if he ever got in a fight and then he called me a duuude.
So? So unless I really got this whole biology thing mixed up, I am not a dude.
Oh, that's just an expression.
People call me dude.
Sometimes.
It's different.
When people think of you, they don't think of fighting and pranks and vicious behavior.
But that's who you are.
You're lovable and vicious-- like your rabid cat frothy.
I want guys like Pete to think of me as just lovable, not the person to call when there's a riot or they wanna tip a truck over.
So you wanna, like, change your image? Would you help me? Of course.
But what do you wanna-- I wanna be more like you.
You know, all soft and girly and weak.
Well, then you're gonna have to really commit.
No more fighting.
Done.
No more pranks, no more spitting for distance.
That's all over.
And you can't wear boxer shorts to school anymore.
Why? If you wanna be all soft and girly, you gotta-- don't say it.
I'm just gonna say-- don't.
Okay.
I won't say it.
Thanks.
Panties.
Aah! There.
So how does all this make me girlier? Well, this is good practice, 'cause your eating habits aren't the best.
What are you sayin'? I'm saying it's not ladylike to talk with your mouth full.
What, I got to finish chewing before I can talk? Yes.
Guys like girls with good manners.
Fine.
Um, if you like a guy, what about doing stuff like Like texting him a smiley face or leaving him a little card with hearts on it? I said I wanted to be girlier, not a fruit cocktail.
Hey, what are you guys doing? Carly is teaching me how to be girlier.
And I'm outta here.
Wait.
What? I want you to role-play with Sam so she can practice what to do when she likes a guy.
Come on.
No.
For me? Come along.
All right.
What do you want me to do? Just stand here.
Sam, you here.
And I want you to pretend Freddie's a guy you have a crush on.
One sec.
Sam! Well, how can I pretend to have a crush on Freddie if I'm looking at his face? You know, I don't need this.
Hey.
I'm back.
You were with Veronica? Yeah.
And you were totally right about the tux.
Best date of my life.
I was joking about the tux.
Whatev.
She likes me now.
And it's all 'cause of good old tuxie.
Right, tuxie? Right on, Mr.
Spencer.
No girl's gonna like you better just 'cause you're wearing a tux.
Think about it.
Before I got the tux, Veronica wanted no part of me.
First time I wear the tux, she asks me out.
The date comes, I don't wear the tux, she hates me.
This time, I wear the tux, she kisses me on my face.
It's science.
Ah! Let go of my leg.
Aah.
Oh.
What's going on there? I'm teaching Sam to be more girly.
Ah.
Good work.
No, no, n a aah! Come on.
You look awesome.
Come inside.
I can't.
Get in here.
I feel like a daffodil.
Good.
Embrace your inner daffodility.
Look, look, look, it's Pete, it's Pete.
I know.
How'd you know he'd be here? I do my research.
He comes here every Tuesday and Thursday after baseball practice.
Oh, perfect.
His friend just left.
Now, get over there and girl it up.
Unh.
Oh, come on, daffodility.
That's not even a word.
Go.
Hi there, Pete.
Hey, Sam.
Whoa.
You look great.
What happened? I don't know.
May I sit? Yeah, sure.
Good-looking burger.
You want the rest? No, no, I'm just gonna throw it away for you-- if you were done.
Yeah, thanks.
It's gone.
Cool.
Hey, are you wearing perfume? Um, yeah, a little.
You can sniff me if you wanna.
Uh, okay.
Nice.
Cool.
Hey, Sam.
You can call me Samantha If you wanna.
Samantha, so do you wanna do something Friday night? Yes.
Yes, I would.
Cool.
I'll text you.
I'll text you back.
Late.
Bye.
He asked you out.
I heard.
Let's go pick out your outfit.
Okay.
Wait, Sam.
One sec.
You know, I owe this all to you.
You are doing an awesome job with me.
Hey, Veronica.
Whoo.
Hey, you're wearing your tux.
Uh-huh.
But we're going jogging.
Yeah, I'm gonna jog in my tux.
You know, a little tux jogging.
Okay, what's going on? Why won't you take off that tux? Okay, honestly, you only like me when I'm wearing it.
That's insane.
You and I have never clicked once unless I was wearing this.
I like you for you, not your tuxedo.
I don't know if I believe you yet.
Okay, I'll go change.
Sorry, tuxie, I gotta take you off now.
Well, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
Why don't I go change? Why don't you? Good call.
And last night, Pete took me for a walk in the park and it was so romantic.
And we saw this really big hornet's nest, and I didn't throw a rock at it or anything.
Amazing.
See? I am so proud of you.
You wanted to change, and you did.
Get out of my way.
I'm in a bad mood.
Move! That girl is a lunatic.
I just hope she doesn't get hungry and eat the soccer team.
What are you clowns laughing at? Oh, we weren't laughing.
Totally not laughing.
I was laughing.
Yeah? Then how about shutting your mouth before I shut it for you? Look, I don't want any trouble.
I do.
Ohh, this is gonna get fighty.
Real fighty, real fast.
Listen, I know I've changed and everything, but how bad would it be if just for a second, I rip her head off her body? You're a better person than she is.
You don't have to sink to her level.
Nice girls don't fight.
I like your shoes.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Wow, my tongue is so dry.
Ahh.
Thanks.
What happened? We only ran four blocks.
I just--I'll be all right.
Oh, no, you look like you're about to pass out.
No, no.
I just--ohh, I need some-- that's not water! What is it? I don't know.
Here.
You gotta take this off.
No, no.
No, please.
You have to cool off and breathe.
Leave me be, leave me be.
You're wearing the tux? Oh, that's weird.
You know what? This isn't gonna work out.
But you love me in the tux.
Lookit! Look at me.
Don't go.
Please, don't-- I'm so nicely dressed.
Okay, fine, that's it.
We are over.
You do look cute in that tux.
I know.
So what time is Pete meeting you here? Tell him where you're having dinner.
On his uncle's boat.
Nice.
I know.
I love boat food.
Uh-oh.
Here comes big sweaty trouble.
Hey, look here.
We got the whole iCarly gang.
Two ballerinas and their tech stooge.
She called me a tech stooge.
Ooh, fries.
Um, those are our fries.
Oh, right.
Sorry.
Here.
You keep 'em.
Sam, don't.
This date tonight is really important to you and I'm not gonna let you ruin it by getting in a fight.
Let me handle this.
Look.
I know the only reason you act like this is 'cause you're insecure, but that doesn't make it okay for you to-- Sam? Yeah? Rip her head off.
Rip my head off? I'd love to see her try and-- aaaaaaaaaaaah! Is that all you got? Tap out.
Tap out.
Get out of here! Out! You all right? Yeah, but, uh Hey.
Hi.
Did you see what just Yeah.
Oh.
You were4 like, awesome.
Seriously? Yeah.
But I thought you asked me out 'cause I was all-- dude, I don't wanna date some daffodil.
You don't? No, man.
I want a girl who can kiss good and snap a bone when she needs to.
Then I'm your girl.
One sec.
It's actually a pretty good place to keep French fries.