Just Shoot Me! (1997) s02e13 Episode Script
Pass the Salt
Jack, I was just rummaging through some boxes, and I found this picture of us.
Can you believe the styles back then? That collar, those shoes, and look at my hem, for God's sakes.
Nina that picture was taken two months ago.
Such innocence.
You think a day will come when I'll look back on what I'm wearing now and laugh? Yeah.
Thursday.
Hey, Finch.
What is it, frisky? This guy with an ax is looking for you.
Big, tall, greasy dude with "mayhem" tattooed on his neck, screaming about how I slept with his girlfriend? No.
A big, older guy.
Oh, hell.
It's my dad.
Your father, huh? I take it there's a problem? Forget it.
Nothing worse than listening to some sad sack whining about how Daddy done wrong.
Oh, yeah, I know, but- hey! What's your dad do? He's a fireman.
Oh, yeah? Well, my dad's an astronaut.
I come from a long line of firemen- my grandpa, both uncles, both brothers.
So you're the only one who's not a fireman? Well, there's a rule that your legs have to be thicker than the hose.
Actually, he's right.
My father and I never really connected.
Yeah, but he wants to see you now.
That's something.
That's just because he's in town for a convention.
We'll probably wind up at some bar, watching TV, and not talking to each other.
You don't talk? Well, I didn't come from that Italian-Jewish-Catholic background, or whatever it is you've got going.
I came from a nice WASPy family, where the only emotional thing Dad said at dinner was "Pass the salt.
" Except when Backdraft premiered, he was "too excited to eat at all.
" Dennis! Dad.
Hey.
Hey.
Guess what they're giving away at the fireman's convention this year? Um, I don't know.
Axes? You always were the smart one.
It's yours.
There you go.
Hey.
Wow, this'll come in handy- never.
Where's Finch? Right here.
Never mind.
Allie, trust me, honey.
Blue is okay.
I know it's a big decision, but blue is a safe color.
You can't go wrong with blue.
What's happening? Allie's trying to pick out a rental car.
Okay, honey.
Call metomorrow.
Hey, I have an idea.
Since Allie's out of town, why don't we have dinner tomorrow night? Terrific.
Great.
My place? Uh, I can't make it.
What is it with you and my apartment? Let me ask you something.
Are you a heroin addict? What? Because if you were, I would applaud your choice of that neighborhood.
Dad, you're being a snob.
A snob? Maya, your great-grandfather used to wake up at the crack of dawn to deliver milk around this city in a horse-drawn wagon.
Your grandfather was a milkman? No.
He was clinically insane.
Exactly the kind of person I want to protect you from.
That's it.
You are coming to my apartment tomorrow night for dinner, you are going to spend some quality time there, and I'm sure you'll see how charming my neighborhood is.
All right, fine.
But if I get killed on the way, don't let the Times run that picture of me with the mutton chops.
So that's the tour.
Nice.
Yeah.
Looks like it's up to code.
Who is that man with Finch? It's his father.
He's so big.
He's a fireman.
Ah! Finch, I think the fire extinguisher in my office is empty.
Who could I call to have it checked? Well, I could take a look.
Oh, hello.
I didn't see you there.
Now the most unsettling sentence I've ever uttered- Dad, this is Nina Van Horn.
You look awfully familiar.
Were you ever at a fireman's convention? I didn't know you had conventions.
Is there some sort of list I could get on? Nina.
I have a fire that needs putting out, if you know what I mean.
Nina.
It's a five-alarm fire, if you catch my drift.
Good God, Nina, the potted plants catch your drift.
Hi.
I'm Elliott DiMauro.
Hi.
Red Finch.
Red Finch.
So you're the fire chief in Albany? Yeah.
So you're Chief Red Finch? Eh, never mind.
Hey, where's Buck and Scotty? Your brothers won't be here till tomorrow.
I was hoping you and I could spend some time together tonight.
Yeah, sure.
There's a bar downstairs.
They've got two TVs.
I thought we might do something different this time, so, I, uh I got us tickets to Showboat.
Showboat.
Showboat.
How's that sound? That- That sounds good.
Uh, you do know that's not a boat show? It'll be fun.
I thought afterwards we'd grab a bite and talk.
Yeah.
That'd be great.
Showboat, huh? You know, I'd really like to toot your whistle- Beat it.
Hey, Jack, Maya This is my father, Red.
Red Finch? Uh, welcome to Blush.
This is my daughter, Maya Gallo.
Nice to meet you.
Pleasure.
Care for a drink? Scotch, Jack? Johnny Walker, Red? So tell me.
What was our Dennis like as a kid? Oh, much the same as he is now: quiet, polite played the harp like an ángel.
You okay? Oh, yeah.
It's just weird having your dad show up where you work.
Yeah.
What about my dad? It's not enough that he controls what I write.
Now he wants to control where I live.
You don't know what control is.
My dad once ordered me to kill our Thanksgiving turkey.
You had to kill your own turkey? Well, I tried, but it made, like, an angry noise and When I came to, um It was gone, along with a sizable chunk of my hair.
It's nice having your kid work with you, isn't it? It sure is, and it's great working with Dennis too.
You know, he really admires you.
He talks about you all the time.
Yeah, yeah.
You didn't even know I existed until right now, did you? Not a clue.
Well, you raised a hell of a kid.
I swear, there's nothing he can't do.
Well, just don't ask him to kill a turkey.
That's it.
That's it! That's where I've seen you- the calendar.
Miss Hook and Ladder, June '74.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Come on.
You can't fool me.
I look at your picture every day when I go to work.
So I did a calendar years ago.
It was a one-time thing.
And why the hell is it still hanging in the firehouse? It's just a reminder of what we're sliding down that pole for, ma'am.
So, Maya, I hear your dad's coming over to your place for dinner.
How did you know? He borrowed my pepper spray.
See, that's why I'm having him over.
I have to prove to him that that neighborhood is safe.
Oh, by the way, do you have any good recipes, you know, some favorite dish you love to make? Dear, the last time I wore an apron, I was playing a naughty French maid off Broadway.
You were an actress.
Okay.
Morning, Elliott.
What's with you? Nothing.
I had a great night.
With your dad? Yeah, we had a blast.
We talked.
We had fun.
It's like he's a different guy.
Oh.
What? Oh, nothing.
No, no.
You said, "oh," like you found a finger in your root beer or something.
It's just that when a middle-aged guy starts behaving differently, it's usually one of two things: he's either dying- No, he's as healthy as an ox.
Or he's having an affair.
No, he hasn't looked at another woman since NBC canceled The Mandrell Sisters.
Yeah.
Then it's probably nothing.
You're damn right it's nothing.
Can't you just accept he wants a healthy relationship with his son? Hey, Finch, is your father coming by today? You're not my mother! Something's different.
Dennis.
Hey, Dad! You left your ax at the hotel.
Oh, yeah.
Thanks.
Look, there's something I need to tell you.
I'm trying to work up the nerve.
Oh, Elliott was right.
Is this about you and Mom? No.
It's about me.
Listen, Dennis I don't like the way we've drifted apart.
I know a lot of it's my fault because- because I just didn't understand.
I didn't make enough of an effort, but I want you to know I understand now, and I'm okay with it.
Okay with what? You being gay.
What? I don't care if the whole world knows! I love my gay son! Dad, I'm not gay.
Is this because I look like Ellen? It's all right, son.
Elliott was right.
You've gone off the deep end.
Elliott? Who's this Elliott you keep talking about? Is he your life partner? No.
He's a guy you met yesterday.
Oh! Oh, the photographer.
Yeah.
He's not your type.
What- Men aren't my type, all right? Oh, my God.
When did you start saying "life partner"? You're in the NRA, for God's sake.
Yeah, see, it all started making sense when I saw that TV movie.
What movie? It's called No Son of Mine, starring Fred Dryer and Jason Priestley.
See, the son announces he's gay, right? The father goes through the roof, so the kid takes off.
Then the father has a change of heart, but before he can tell his son, the kid dies in an offshore oil rig accident.
Dad, this is ridiculous.
It's a metaphor.
The oil rig stands alone in stormy seas- much like your people Anyway, if Hunter can accept his gay son, your mother and I can accept you.
Mom thinks I'm gay too? Oh, my God.
Nina, tell my dad I sleep with a lot of women.
What's the problem, Dennis? What's the problem? You're gay.
Say it loud.
Say it proud! Pretend it's a parade.
Will you keep it down? Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Look, I picked you up a little gift.
Are you nuts? Who in their right mind would wear something like this? Elliott, do me a favor.
Explain to my father that I'm not gay.
Oh, you're so cute when you try to act butch.
See, I knew you'd try to deny it.
That's what Jason Priestley did at first.
I just want you to know I'm sorry for missing all the signs when you were growing up.
What signs? That special relationship you had with that effeminate guy, Kelly.
Kelly was a girl.
Wearing a baseball cap? I don't think so And what about the time you fell off the roof? Ah, you screamed like a baby.
I was 5! I landed on a rake.
I split my head open.
They said I'm lucky to be alive.
Okay, okay.
Don't throw a hissy fit.
Look, we'll talk about it some more tonight when your brothers get here.
There's really nothing left to talk about, Dad.
Hey, fruit.
Hey, hey, hey! Hey, listen, you homophobe! The term is "gay.
" Gay- do you understand? Gay- not fruit, or fairy, or salad shooter.
We don't want your hate crimes around here.
Yeah, uh Who made you God, huh? Hey, fruit.
I really appreciate your lending me your furniture.
I can't let my father know I was robbed.
You told me you don't want him thinking the neighborhood's gone down the crapper.
Right.
Me, I'm an optimist.
There are 8 million heads in New York.
Only four of them ended up in our dumpster.
Yeah, well, that ought to do it.
Thank you so much.
I'll call you in a couple hours.
I ain't leaving my furniture.
I gave birth to three children in this chair.
Ah, model shots, huh? Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Ooh, on the Finchy scale of titillating, I give her eight spanks.
Heh! Finch, we don't think you're gay.
Thank you.
Not in those shoes.
What's wrong with my shoes? And you're also a terrible dancer.
And you have an ugly apartment With no sense of space or style.
You're neither tanned nor toned.
Don't get me started on your hair.
You have no women friends.
You've never made a clever toast.
Like you need a reason to drink.
Me-ow.
Hey, by the way, try to french me again, and you're going down.
All right, Gino.
Call me later.
I'm at the Puerto Rican girl's apartment.
My husband has a gun! I'll get it.
Okay, now, remember, this is my stuff.
I was never robbed.
This is a terrific neighborhood.
Hi, Dad.
Sweetie.
Hello.
Um, Dad, this is my dear close friend, Um Mrs.
Boukitas.
Jack Gallo.
Pleased to meet you.
Did you get new furniture? Yep.
Brand new.
Really? Where'd you put it? Because this stuff is decomposing.
Make yourself at home.
Well, I'll give it a shot.
You wanna get your feet off the table, champ? All right, let's keep those aisles clear, folks.
Keep the aisles clear! Boy, Dad, that's why you made chief.
I saw those same people lingering, but I just didn't see a fire hazard.
Don't beat yourself up.
Hey, Buck, I'll punch you for the last bread stick.
Okay.
Guys, it's a restaurant.
They bring you more bread if you ask.
All right, boys.
Hey, Dennis You remember when Buck and Scotty used to practice going up and down ladders all day with you draped over their shoulders? I sure do.
It's a fun little movie I play in my head before I wake up screaming.
I'm sure it had nothing to do with you being gay.
I'm not gay.
In England, "fag" means cigarette.
Thanks.
Look, Dennis I know why you're denying this, okay? It's because you're afraid your brothers won't accept you, but look, they're here! We love you, bro.
Why in the world would anyone think I'm gay? Finally.
Hi.
Boilermaker boilermaker, boilermaker Seabreeze.
My husband has a gun! No, that's me, Mrs.
Boukitas.
Oh.
Tell me something.
Do you consider this a safe neighborhood? Of course it's safe.
That's why all the runaways wind up here.
So how long have you known Maya? Who? Hors d'oeuvre, anyone? All right.
What's going on? What? This is not your furniture.
All right, I was robbed today.
I had to borrow Mrs.
Boukitas' furniture.
You were right about my neighborhood.
Happy? Well, if it finally makes you see my point, yes.
You should move.
We'll find you a nice place in the Trump Tower.
No! No.
I know this isn't the most luxurious place in the whole world, but it's mine.
I could afford it before I came to work for Blush.
I could afford it if I ever decide to leave.
Maybe that sounds crazy to you, but I need that sense of freedom and security, and if you don't understand that, then you can just hop in your limo and go back uptown.
Freeze, dirtbag! So who's hungry? Twenty-three, Ow! I knew you couldn't make it to 30.
Damn.
Now you gotta wear a dress when we go back to the firehouse.
No offense, Dennis.
Why are you doing this to me? What? This whole ridiculous theory of yours.
I didn't play football, I must be gay.
I'm not a fireman, I'm gay.
I happen to collect ceramic kittens- Well, look, the point is- What- What are you trying to say, Dennis? For the last time, I'm not gay.
Seriously? Yes.
Oh.
Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you yet again.
Oh, I'm not disappointed.
I was never disappointed in you, Dennis.
I never understood you, but Well, you never really tried to.
Well, what do you think this trip is all about? You think I liked sitting through that play? That theater is a freaking tinderbox.
I tell you what.
If you come back again, let's just, you know, we'll go to a movie or something.
Yeah, okay.
Good.
Well, you know well, maybe you should come home for a visit soon, huh? Your mother misses you.
Yeah.
I'll do that.
Wait a minute.
If you're not gay, why don't you like fishing? You guys didn't even invite me.
Well, you never showed any interest.
Anyway, by the time it became a tradition, well, Scotty here, he was bringing that friend of his.
What was that kid's name? The good-looking kid, what was his name? Bradley.
Bradley.
That's right.
Bradley! Yeah, like two peas in a pod they were.
Yeah, always sneaking away to their private little fishing spot, disappearing for hours at a time.
Bradley never caught a fish.
God bless him.
Nowadays, Scotty brings his roommate, Timothy.
He's an architect.
He's got a voice like a nightingale, eh- singing all those songs around the campfire.
He taught us some terrific new songs.
Come to think of it, that's where I heard that song from Showboat.
It was Timothy Pass the salt.
Life keeps bringing me Back to you Keeps bringing me home It don't matter what I wanna do 'Cause It's got a mind of its own Life keeps bringing me Back to you
Can you believe the styles back then? That collar, those shoes, and look at my hem, for God's sakes.
Nina that picture was taken two months ago.
Such innocence.
You think a day will come when I'll look back on what I'm wearing now and laugh? Yeah.
Thursday.
Hey, Finch.
What is it, frisky? This guy with an ax is looking for you.
Big, tall, greasy dude with "mayhem" tattooed on his neck, screaming about how I slept with his girlfriend? No.
A big, older guy.
Oh, hell.
It's my dad.
Your father, huh? I take it there's a problem? Forget it.
Nothing worse than listening to some sad sack whining about how Daddy done wrong.
Oh, yeah, I know, but- hey! What's your dad do? He's a fireman.
Oh, yeah? Well, my dad's an astronaut.
I come from a long line of firemen- my grandpa, both uncles, both brothers.
So you're the only one who's not a fireman? Well, there's a rule that your legs have to be thicker than the hose.
Actually, he's right.
My father and I never really connected.
Yeah, but he wants to see you now.
That's something.
That's just because he's in town for a convention.
We'll probably wind up at some bar, watching TV, and not talking to each other.
You don't talk? Well, I didn't come from that Italian-Jewish-Catholic background, or whatever it is you've got going.
I came from a nice WASPy family, where the only emotional thing Dad said at dinner was "Pass the salt.
" Except when Backdraft premiered, he was "too excited to eat at all.
" Dennis! Dad.
Hey.
Hey.
Guess what they're giving away at the fireman's convention this year? Um, I don't know.
Axes? You always were the smart one.
It's yours.
There you go.
Hey.
Wow, this'll come in handy- never.
Where's Finch? Right here.
Never mind.
Allie, trust me, honey.
Blue is okay.
I know it's a big decision, but blue is a safe color.
You can't go wrong with blue.
What's happening? Allie's trying to pick out a rental car.
Okay, honey.
Call metomorrow.
Hey, I have an idea.
Since Allie's out of town, why don't we have dinner tomorrow night? Terrific.
Great.
My place? Uh, I can't make it.
What is it with you and my apartment? Let me ask you something.
Are you a heroin addict? What? Because if you were, I would applaud your choice of that neighborhood.
Dad, you're being a snob.
A snob? Maya, your great-grandfather used to wake up at the crack of dawn to deliver milk around this city in a horse-drawn wagon.
Your grandfather was a milkman? No.
He was clinically insane.
Exactly the kind of person I want to protect you from.
That's it.
You are coming to my apartment tomorrow night for dinner, you are going to spend some quality time there, and I'm sure you'll see how charming my neighborhood is.
All right, fine.
But if I get killed on the way, don't let the Times run that picture of me with the mutton chops.
So that's the tour.
Nice.
Yeah.
Looks like it's up to code.
Who is that man with Finch? It's his father.
He's so big.
He's a fireman.
Ah! Finch, I think the fire extinguisher in my office is empty.
Who could I call to have it checked? Well, I could take a look.
Oh, hello.
I didn't see you there.
Now the most unsettling sentence I've ever uttered- Dad, this is Nina Van Horn.
You look awfully familiar.
Were you ever at a fireman's convention? I didn't know you had conventions.
Is there some sort of list I could get on? Nina.
I have a fire that needs putting out, if you know what I mean.
Nina.
It's a five-alarm fire, if you catch my drift.
Good God, Nina, the potted plants catch your drift.
Hi.
I'm Elliott DiMauro.
Hi.
Red Finch.
Red Finch.
So you're the fire chief in Albany? Yeah.
So you're Chief Red Finch? Eh, never mind.
Hey, where's Buck and Scotty? Your brothers won't be here till tomorrow.
I was hoping you and I could spend some time together tonight.
Yeah, sure.
There's a bar downstairs.
They've got two TVs.
I thought we might do something different this time, so, I, uh I got us tickets to Showboat.
Showboat.
Showboat.
How's that sound? That- That sounds good.
Uh, you do know that's not a boat show? It'll be fun.
I thought afterwards we'd grab a bite and talk.
Yeah.
That'd be great.
Showboat, huh? You know, I'd really like to toot your whistle- Beat it.
Hey, Jack, Maya This is my father, Red.
Red Finch? Uh, welcome to Blush.
This is my daughter, Maya Gallo.
Nice to meet you.
Pleasure.
Care for a drink? Scotch, Jack? Johnny Walker, Red? So tell me.
What was our Dennis like as a kid? Oh, much the same as he is now: quiet, polite played the harp like an ángel.
You okay? Oh, yeah.
It's just weird having your dad show up where you work.
Yeah.
What about my dad? It's not enough that he controls what I write.
Now he wants to control where I live.
You don't know what control is.
My dad once ordered me to kill our Thanksgiving turkey.
You had to kill your own turkey? Well, I tried, but it made, like, an angry noise and When I came to, um It was gone, along with a sizable chunk of my hair.
It's nice having your kid work with you, isn't it? It sure is, and it's great working with Dennis too.
You know, he really admires you.
He talks about you all the time.
Yeah, yeah.
You didn't even know I existed until right now, did you? Not a clue.
Well, you raised a hell of a kid.
I swear, there's nothing he can't do.
Well, just don't ask him to kill a turkey.
That's it.
That's it! That's where I've seen you- the calendar.
Miss Hook and Ladder, June '74.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Come on.
You can't fool me.
I look at your picture every day when I go to work.
So I did a calendar years ago.
It was a one-time thing.
And why the hell is it still hanging in the firehouse? It's just a reminder of what we're sliding down that pole for, ma'am.
So, Maya, I hear your dad's coming over to your place for dinner.
How did you know? He borrowed my pepper spray.
See, that's why I'm having him over.
I have to prove to him that that neighborhood is safe.
Oh, by the way, do you have any good recipes, you know, some favorite dish you love to make? Dear, the last time I wore an apron, I was playing a naughty French maid off Broadway.
You were an actress.
Okay.
Morning, Elliott.
What's with you? Nothing.
I had a great night.
With your dad? Yeah, we had a blast.
We talked.
We had fun.
It's like he's a different guy.
Oh.
What? Oh, nothing.
No, no.
You said, "oh," like you found a finger in your root beer or something.
It's just that when a middle-aged guy starts behaving differently, it's usually one of two things: he's either dying- No, he's as healthy as an ox.
Or he's having an affair.
No, he hasn't looked at another woman since NBC canceled The Mandrell Sisters.
Yeah.
Then it's probably nothing.
You're damn right it's nothing.
Can't you just accept he wants a healthy relationship with his son? Hey, Finch, is your father coming by today? You're not my mother! Something's different.
Dennis.
Hey, Dad! You left your ax at the hotel.
Oh, yeah.
Thanks.
Look, there's something I need to tell you.
I'm trying to work up the nerve.
Oh, Elliott was right.
Is this about you and Mom? No.
It's about me.
Listen, Dennis I don't like the way we've drifted apart.
I know a lot of it's my fault because- because I just didn't understand.
I didn't make enough of an effort, but I want you to know I understand now, and I'm okay with it.
Okay with what? You being gay.
What? I don't care if the whole world knows! I love my gay son! Dad, I'm not gay.
Is this because I look like Ellen? It's all right, son.
Elliott was right.
You've gone off the deep end.
Elliott? Who's this Elliott you keep talking about? Is he your life partner? No.
He's a guy you met yesterday.
Oh! Oh, the photographer.
Yeah.
He's not your type.
What- Men aren't my type, all right? Oh, my God.
When did you start saying "life partner"? You're in the NRA, for God's sake.
Yeah, see, it all started making sense when I saw that TV movie.
What movie? It's called No Son of Mine, starring Fred Dryer and Jason Priestley.
See, the son announces he's gay, right? The father goes through the roof, so the kid takes off.
Then the father has a change of heart, but before he can tell his son, the kid dies in an offshore oil rig accident.
Dad, this is ridiculous.
It's a metaphor.
The oil rig stands alone in stormy seas- much like your people Anyway, if Hunter can accept his gay son, your mother and I can accept you.
Mom thinks I'm gay too? Oh, my God.
Nina, tell my dad I sleep with a lot of women.
What's the problem, Dennis? What's the problem? You're gay.
Say it loud.
Say it proud! Pretend it's a parade.
Will you keep it down? Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Look, I picked you up a little gift.
Are you nuts? Who in their right mind would wear something like this? Elliott, do me a favor.
Explain to my father that I'm not gay.
Oh, you're so cute when you try to act butch.
See, I knew you'd try to deny it.
That's what Jason Priestley did at first.
I just want you to know I'm sorry for missing all the signs when you were growing up.
What signs? That special relationship you had with that effeminate guy, Kelly.
Kelly was a girl.
Wearing a baseball cap? I don't think so And what about the time you fell off the roof? Ah, you screamed like a baby.
I was 5! I landed on a rake.
I split my head open.
They said I'm lucky to be alive.
Okay, okay.
Don't throw a hissy fit.
Look, we'll talk about it some more tonight when your brothers get here.
There's really nothing left to talk about, Dad.
Hey, fruit.
Hey, hey, hey! Hey, listen, you homophobe! The term is "gay.
" Gay- do you understand? Gay- not fruit, or fairy, or salad shooter.
We don't want your hate crimes around here.
Yeah, uh Who made you God, huh? Hey, fruit.
I really appreciate your lending me your furniture.
I can't let my father know I was robbed.
You told me you don't want him thinking the neighborhood's gone down the crapper.
Right.
Me, I'm an optimist.
There are 8 million heads in New York.
Only four of them ended up in our dumpster.
Yeah, well, that ought to do it.
Thank you so much.
I'll call you in a couple hours.
I ain't leaving my furniture.
I gave birth to three children in this chair.
Ah, model shots, huh? Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Ooh, on the Finchy scale of titillating, I give her eight spanks.
Heh! Finch, we don't think you're gay.
Thank you.
Not in those shoes.
What's wrong with my shoes? And you're also a terrible dancer.
And you have an ugly apartment With no sense of space or style.
You're neither tanned nor toned.
Don't get me started on your hair.
You have no women friends.
You've never made a clever toast.
Like you need a reason to drink.
Me-ow.
Hey, by the way, try to french me again, and you're going down.
All right, Gino.
Call me later.
I'm at the Puerto Rican girl's apartment.
My husband has a gun! I'll get it.
Okay, now, remember, this is my stuff.
I was never robbed.
This is a terrific neighborhood.
Hi, Dad.
Sweetie.
Hello.
Um, Dad, this is my dear close friend, Um Mrs.
Boukitas.
Jack Gallo.
Pleased to meet you.
Did you get new furniture? Yep.
Brand new.
Really? Where'd you put it? Because this stuff is decomposing.
Make yourself at home.
Well, I'll give it a shot.
You wanna get your feet off the table, champ? All right, let's keep those aisles clear, folks.
Keep the aisles clear! Boy, Dad, that's why you made chief.
I saw those same people lingering, but I just didn't see a fire hazard.
Don't beat yourself up.
Hey, Buck, I'll punch you for the last bread stick.
Okay.
Guys, it's a restaurant.
They bring you more bread if you ask.
All right, boys.
Hey, Dennis You remember when Buck and Scotty used to practice going up and down ladders all day with you draped over their shoulders? I sure do.
It's a fun little movie I play in my head before I wake up screaming.
I'm sure it had nothing to do with you being gay.
I'm not gay.
In England, "fag" means cigarette.
Thanks.
Look, Dennis I know why you're denying this, okay? It's because you're afraid your brothers won't accept you, but look, they're here! We love you, bro.
Why in the world would anyone think I'm gay? Finally.
Hi.
Boilermaker boilermaker, boilermaker Seabreeze.
My husband has a gun! No, that's me, Mrs.
Boukitas.
Oh.
Tell me something.
Do you consider this a safe neighborhood? Of course it's safe.
That's why all the runaways wind up here.
So how long have you known Maya? Who? Hors d'oeuvre, anyone? All right.
What's going on? What? This is not your furniture.
All right, I was robbed today.
I had to borrow Mrs.
Boukitas' furniture.
You were right about my neighborhood.
Happy? Well, if it finally makes you see my point, yes.
You should move.
We'll find you a nice place in the Trump Tower.
No! No.
I know this isn't the most luxurious place in the whole world, but it's mine.
I could afford it before I came to work for Blush.
I could afford it if I ever decide to leave.
Maybe that sounds crazy to you, but I need that sense of freedom and security, and if you don't understand that, then you can just hop in your limo and go back uptown.
Freeze, dirtbag! So who's hungry? Twenty-three, Ow! I knew you couldn't make it to 30.
Damn.
Now you gotta wear a dress when we go back to the firehouse.
No offense, Dennis.
Why are you doing this to me? What? This whole ridiculous theory of yours.
I didn't play football, I must be gay.
I'm not a fireman, I'm gay.
I happen to collect ceramic kittens- Well, look, the point is- What- What are you trying to say, Dennis? For the last time, I'm not gay.
Seriously? Yes.
Oh.
Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you yet again.
Oh, I'm not disappointed.
I was never disappointed in you, Dennis.
I never understood you, but Well, you never really tried to.
Well, what do you think this trip is all about? You think I liked sitting through that play? That theater is a freaking tinderbox.
I tell you what.
If you come back again, let's just, you know, we'll go to a movie or something.
Yeah, okay.
Good.
Well, you know well, maybe you should come home for a visit soon, huh? Your mother misses you.
Yeah.
I'll do that.
Wait a minute.
If you're not gay, why don't you like fishing? You guys didn't even invite me.
Well, you never showed any interest.
Anyway, by the time it became a tradition, well, Scotty here, he was bringing that friend of his.
What was that kid's name? The good-looking kid, what was his name? Bradley.
Bradley.
That's right.
Bradley! Yeah, like two peas in a pod they were.
Yeah, always sneaking away to their private little fishing spot, disappearing for hours at a time.
Bradley never caught a fish.
God bless him.
Nowadays, Scotty brings his roommate, Timothy.
He's an architect.
He's got a voice like a nightingale, eh- singing all those songs around the campfire.
He taught us some terrific new songs.
Come to think of it, that's where I heard that song from Showboat.
It was Timothy Pass the salt.
Life keeps bringing me Back to you Keeps bringing me home It don't matter what I wanna do 'Cause It's got a mind of its own Life keeps bringing me Back to you