Son of a Critch (2022) s02e13 Episode Script
Halley's Comet
1
ADULT MARK: We lived on
the outskirts of town.
But as time marched on,
the city drew ever closer,
and soon, the edges
became the middle.
MARY: What a goin's on! [HUFFS]
Hey, Mr. Mayor, you're
standing in my blueberry bushes!
MARK: This is amazing!
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
Mike Critch, live in VOCM Valley
where an enormous crowd has gathered
to watch the ground-breaking ceremony
of St. John's' second
drive-thru restaurant.
Wow, what an enormous crowd!
MARK: Is he talking about us?
POP: Hm, should be your
father holding the shovel.
What a load a' crap.
Ooh Oh, hey, a coupon! Yes!
MIKE SR: And now, some comments
from VOCM's owner, Mr. Murphy,
on whose land the
development will stand.
Today Newfoundland boldly
steps into the future!
Busy highway drivers
will no longer have to
get out of their cars
to get something to eat.
POP: What, can't get
out of your car to eat?
What next, drive-thru toilets?
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
MARK: It's next door!
I'll practically be able
to order from my bed!
The road goes right through our house!
It barely nudges it.
- What?
- Nudges?
MIKE JR: Oh, this is
the best day of my life.
Oh, Mike! They are paving
my berry-picking spot!
POP: You're lucky he's not
gonna knock the house down.
It's his land!
Don't worry, Mr. Murphy assures me
that there'll be no
disruption whatsoever.
- [ENGINE STARTS]
- MAN: All right!
- [LOUD CLANKING]
- Oh!
[VEHICLE BEEPING]
[LOUD ENGINE]
♪
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
ADULT MARK: That year,
everything was looking up.
Literally! To the sky.
This week will see the
return of Halley's Comet.
It only passes the earth
once every 75 years.
ADULT MARK: I was always
fascinated with the stars,
both celestial and Hollywood.
Does anyone know what a perihelion is?
Well, it's the closest the
comet will come to the sun.
It won't be this close again until 2061!
I'll be 87!
And you'll be dead, miss.
Thank you, Fox.
You're all going to write an essay
about Halley's Comet.
[STUDENTS GROAN]
Who cares about space snots?
You know, some astronomers think
that the star of Bethlehem was a comet!
SISTER ROSE: It most certainly was not!
I will not stand by while you
indoctrinate these children
- into your religious heresy!
- Sister, a scientific explanation
A comet, children, did not
predict the birth of Christ,
but it will predict
the end of the world.
"The third angel sounded his trumpet,
and a great star, blazing like a torch,
fell from the sky
And many people died."
Revelations 8:10.
ADULT MARK: This was
not what they meant by
"when you wish upon a star."
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
REPORTER: [TV] For the past two weeks
ADULT MARK: Our family
library was limited.
REPORTER: [TV] Outside
the confederation building.
MARK: Comets.
Halley's Comet
Listing under "H."
H, H
Aw!
ADULT MARK: My folks got a
new volume of the encyclopedia
free with their groceries,
but you had to start paying after "C."
Dad, can I buy a book at
the book fair tomorrow?
MIKE SR: What's wrong
with the books we have?
Three encyclopedias and the Bible.
You can't have read all those.
Halley's Comet will be passing
over Newfoundland this week
for the first time in 75 years.
I-I need to hear this!
WEATHERMAN: The most
famous comet in history!
And it is characterized by
Good God! Is that safe?
Sparks might hit the roof.
MARK: Shh!
WEATHERMAN: So head outside
about three hours before sunrise
and you'll see Halley's Comet.
So keep looking up!
ADULT MARK: This was once in a lifetime.
I saw it the last time.
Big fuzzy snowball.
Garbage!
ADULT MARK: Twice for some.
A comet killed the dinosaurs, Pop!
MIKE SR: Hm.
Well, you must be terrified, then.
REPORTER: [TV] Tempers flared today
at the nuclear disarmament summit.
Russian president Mikhail
Gorbachev is demanding
a total ban on nuclear weapons in space,
but us President Ronald Reagan says
he will not back down on
his "Star Wars" project.
POP: A comet hitting the house,
that's the least of your worries.
That Yankee cowboy is
gonna get us all blown up!
REPORTER: [TV] In an
address to the nation,
Reagan had this to say.
So, here we sit, with
thousands of nuclear warheads
targeted on each other,
and capable of wiping
out both our countries.
ADULT MARK: Only one thing
could take a grade-eight boy's
mind off the end of the world
The scholastic book fair!
Once a year, a travelling
book fair would show up
to trick us into paying to read!
There's a skateboard
book! What are you getting?
Halley's Comet, with the free poster!
How about you, Fox?
Sweet Valley High? Baby-Sitters Club?
- Bruno and Boots?
- I don't care.
Door's open!
ADULT MARK: It was every
kid for themselves!
The boys fought over
the hockey books
While the girls raced to
get Sweet Valley High,
leaving my path clear.
♪
MARK: Just this. Thank you.
Got it!
Can you believe nobody else wanted this?
Yes.
That's mine!
Mine now!
Give it back!
You do realize you both live
in the same house, right?
Pfft, yeah, not for long.
Frig off!
What
- Got it!
- Congrats!
Do I got something on belonged to you?
Where'd you get your ears pierced?
What's it to ya?
The guys I skateboard
with have theirs pierced
But my parents won't let me.
Even if you recover from
the probable infection,
you'll never survive the inevitable
fallout in the school yard.
An earring won't kill him, wuss.
You need to go find a book on Van Gogh.
ADULT MARK: I had other interests.
Halley's Comet was a thing of science,
not some harbinger of doom.
[BELL RINGS]
FOX: Fire!
- KID: Come on, we gotta go!
- MARK: Uh
ADULT MARK: Okay, maybe a little doom.
[BELL RINGING]
- [BELL STOPS]
- Eight minutes!
Six minutes too long.
If this had been a real
fire, you'd have all burned
like blasphemers in hell!
What did your brother
mean, "not for long"?
Our poppy died.
Oh, God. I'm so sorry
Don't care. I never knew him.
But he left my dad his house
and now he wants us to move.
That's great! You hate
living in the blocks.
His house is up in
Cape Broyle, dumb-ass.
It's like an hour away.
I won't see my mom.
Or you.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
SISTER ROSE: Back inside! Everyone!
ADULT MARK: Maybe the
world really was ending.
[SOMBRE MUSIC]
["BERRY PICKING TIME" PLAYING ON RADIO]
We were picking berries
at old aunt Mary's ♪
When I picked a blushing bride ♪
Hm
By your kisses I
knew you'd picked me ♪
And I'd picked you
at berry picking time ♪
Ooh! Ooh, that's hot!
Let it cool!
Here.
Hey, it's been a while since
you made blueberry muffins.
Well, these are the last
muffins I'll ever make.
No blueberries for us.
Mom, come on. It's a drive-thru!
There are plenty of other
places to pick blueberries.
It's the memories!
ADULT MARK: Some families
went to Disneyland.
We went "up behind the house."
POP: Haven't you got enough?
- [CHUCKLES]
- Mark!
Come put some sunscreen on my feet!
- MIKE SR: Mark!
- MARY: Yuck.
Come on!
ADULT MARK: We all hated it.
Aw!
We had such lovely times.
ADULT MARK: Well, almost all.
Come on, it'll be all right.
Nothing's gonna change.
Oh, sure!
- [ENGINE STARTS]
- MAN: Back 'er up!
- Keep going!
- [VEHICLE BEEPING]
- MARY: Oh!
- [DISHES CRASHING]
- MAN: Whoa!
- MARY: [SIGHS]
Wayne scored a goal.
It's good for 99!
This is some good book.
Hey, we were watching that!
FOX: Dad? What are you doing here?
Well, your father and I
It's time to crap or get off the pot.
You gotta make a choice.
You either lives with
me, or your mother.
You gotta make a decision today!
That's not fair.
DAD: It's not fair to
me, is what it's not!
Look, your mother's got you crammed into
this basement apartment!
You comes with me, you
all get your own room, b'y!
NEIGHBOUR: Will you shut up down there?!
[BANGING ON WALL]
Frig off and mind your own business!
I'm talkin' to my kids!
So, who's with me?
A baby needs its mudder, you fool!
- He's not wrong.
- I picks Mom, too.
Move out to the boonies,
we won't see Mom no more.
What about me?
You stays, you won't see me no more.
What, you don't care about me?
I'll go with you, Dad.
♪
You mean that, kitten?
Yeah.
♪
Well
SUZANNE: I-I
I'll just grab your stuff, then.
I [SNIFFS]
Mom, wait. I
[DOOR CLOSES]
[SOMBRE MUSIC]
REPORTER: [TV] The mood was
heated in Reykjavík, Iceland today
as President Reagan met
with his counterpart,
Russian president Mikhail Gorbachev
to discuss nuclear disarmament.
President Reagan had this to say
Leaving our real defence,
a policy called "mutual
assured destruction,"
meaning if one side
launched a nuclear attack,
the other side could retaliate.
As a result, scientists moved the hands
of the Doomsday Clock to
three minutes to midnight.
The meeting of the two world leaders
ended without any formal agreement
Uh, what's the Doomsday Clock?
It's how they track how close
we are to the end of the world.
POP: Ah, we're fine.
Newfoundland has its own time zone.
We're half an hour
later than that clock.
MIKE SR: Speaking of the time
You better get to bed.
REPORTER: It's a matter of principle.
We'll be right back
Night, Dad. Night, Pop.
POP: Mm-hm.
ADULT MARK: I'd go to bed,
but I'd never get to sleep.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
REAGAN: [TV] Why are
the Soviets so adamant
that America remain forever vulnerable
to Soviet rocket attack?
As of today, all three
nations are utterly defenceless
against Soviet missiles fired
either by accident or design.
[NEWS MUSIC]
News flash!
Halley's Comet is headed
directly for Newfoundland!
The United States and the USSR
have both fired nuclear
missiles in retaliation.
[EERIE MUSIC]
[REAGAN'S VOICE IN BACKGROUND,
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[TENSE MUSIC]
[ROARING SOUND]
[TENSE MUSIC BUILDS]
REAGAN: Are utterly defenceless,
utterly defenceless,
utterly defenceless
10, 9, 8,
7, 6, 5,
4, 3, 2,
1!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- [LOUD CRASH]
- [MARK SCREAMS]
Aah, no!
POP: All right, shhh, it's just a dream.
Noo!
No, Fox! Help!
- Oh!
- Help!
Oh
You're all wet. What what's going on?
This
The the bomb!
Fox!
Just a dream.
Here, have some of this.
Now, no more news for
you before bedtime.
It's three minutes to midnight.
Aren't you scared?
[LAUGHS] God, no.
I'm 80.
I've seen it all before!
I mean, it was two minutes
to midnight in the 60's
when Khrushchev started
playing chicken with Kennedy.
- What happened?
- Common sense.
It's not as uncommon
as people may think.
You know, if there's one thing
that being old teaches you,
it's that you live every
day as if it was your last.
And eventually, you'll be right.
All right, go to sleep.
ADULT MARK: When you're little,
you're afraid of the dark.
Growing up brings the realization
that the light can be just as scary.
♪
♪
Oh! [LAUGHS] You got it done!
Awesome, can you still hear me?
Of course.
You got it on the wrong ear for boys!
I do?
The left ear is the right ear.
The right ear's not right.
MARK: It doesn't matter
what ear ya got done, Ritche.
It looks great.
Sook.
You think we could watch
the comet at your place,
since your dad has a telescope?
Sure.
- He won't mind.
- Can I come?
I could pierce your ear.
Mom did mine. There's nothing to it.
No offence, but I'm suspicious.
MARK: Yeah, you said
comets were space snots.
This might be our last
chance to really hang out.
I told Dad I'd go with him.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]
If Sister Rose is right,
I can't think of anyone I'd rather spend
the end of the world with.
♪
- Pshew!
- [LAUGHS]
Hello? Anybody there?
CASHIER: Can I take your order?
I have a coupon.
CASHIER: Uh, this is a drive-thru, sir.
You gotta be in a car to order.
How do you know I'm not in a car, hm?
CASHIER: I can see you!
Bloody peeping Tom!
- [CAR HONKS]
- Hey!
I'm trying to order here!
CASHIER: Step out of the line, sir.
POP: Hey, look!
It is a good job you're in that box!
CASHIER: I'll call the police.
POP: Listen, you can't do this to me!
This coupon is legal tender!
- [POLICE SIREN WHOOPS]
- Wha ?
♪
I'm sorry, Mike, I had no choice.
It's a good thing I
was on my lunch break.
Another officer would have charged him.
So he's free to go?
He's banned from Ches's.
Can't go within a hundred
feet of any location.
They're building one next door!
I won't be even be able to use the
kitchen sink, for Christ's sake!
We'll take it. Thank you, Gary.
I'll see you out.
Suck it, pig!
Pop, enough!
Kids.
[BOTH LAUGH]
♪
♪
So, it says here that we'll
see it two hours before sunrise.
That's 3 am.
All I see is fog.
ADULT MARK: It's hard to star-gaze
in a place known for fog horns.
Maybe that's a good thing.
The world can't end if
we can't see the comet.
Shut up with the
predictions, Nostra-dumbass!
Your world isn't gonna end, mine is!
Ugh.
Wait! Wha
- RITCHIE: Aah!
- FOX: Let me see your ear, okay?
RITCHIE: Get off of me!
Get off me!
MARK: What are you doing?
Do you want your ear
pierced or not, pecker-head?
It's not safe!
It is as long as you're
not a girl about it!
Give me the compass.
Uh
Uh
- Compass?
- Mm-hm.
Lighter.
Uh, lighter?
Oh no, are you gonna burn a hole in me?
No, it's to sterilize it.
I think we should rethink this.
- Potato.
- What?
Pass me the friggin' potato!
RITCHIE: I'm not hungry.
Ready?
I think I'm gonna puke.
Hold his hand.
- Is it gonna hurt?
- No.
I'm gonna tell you
when it's coming, okay?
5, 4, 3
Owwww!
You didn't wait!
ADULT MARK: Having your ear pierced
is like the end of the world.
It's only scary if you see it coming.
Bad-ass!
Is it supposed to be bleeding that much?
Here.
Hold still.
[WINCES]
Cool!
Now you won't forget me.
We'll never forget you.
Promise?
♪
- Ow!
- Blood swear?
Gross.
Blood swear!
Pretty sure it's supposed
to be our own blood, but
Blood swear.
Friends forever, right?
[EMOTIONAL MUSIC]
♪
Come with me and you will
see what's down the road ♪
We might handed barren
lands or fields of gold ♪
♪
Yet no matter where we roam,
no, we'll never be alone ♪
♪
Just come with me and you will see ♪
That we will always be ♪
Home. ♪
♪
ADULT MARK: Places come and go,
but the memories live on.
- Mm, mm! That's hot!
- It's not jam yet.
You gotta let the blueberries simmer.
Hm? Here.
Pass the sugar.
ADULT MARK:
Like dandelions in the sidewalk,
we find a way to survive.
Even when things are at their darkest,
you can find a little light.
REAGAN: [TV] We are closer
than ever before to agreements
that could lead to a safer
world without nuclear weapons.
It was a simple proposal, one
might say "disarmingly" simple.
REPORTER: [TV]
With news of a nuclear treaty,
the Doomsday Clock was moved
back to six minutes to midnight.
A lot of people will sleep
much more soundly tonight.
Don't forget to have an
eye out for Halley's Comet
as it passes over the province tonight.
It should be quite the
sight, if the clouds hold off.
ADULT MARK: Our world keeps changing,
but people rarely do.
You knows it's better if
they all stays together!
Yeah, better for you, ya mean!
Greg! She needs her brothers!
♪
[ENGINE STARTS]
Trying to catch your heart ♪
Is like trying to catch a star ♪
♪
So many people love you, baby ♪
That must be what you are ♪
Waiting for a star to fall
to carry your heart ♪
ADULT MARK: Growing up is tough.
But with the right people by your side,
it's not the end of the world.
♪
Waiting for a star to fall ♪
And carry your heart into my arms ♪
That's where you belong ♪
In my arms, baby, yeah ♪
I've learned to feel
what I cannot see ♪
♪
I don't know how to dream your dream ♪
So I'm all caught up
in the superstition ♪
ADULT MARK: We lived on
the outskirts of town.
But as time marched on,
the city drew ever closer,
and soon, the edges
became the middle.
MARY: What a goin's on! [HUFFS]
Hey, Mr. Mayor, you're
standing in my blueberry bushes!
MARK: This is amazing!
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
Mike Critch, live in VOCM Valley
where an enormous crowd has gathered
to watch the ground-breaking ceremony
of St. John's' second
drive-thru restaurant.
Wow, what an enormous crowd!
MARK: Is he talking about us?
POP: Hm, should be your
father holding the shovel.
What a load a' crap.
Ooh Oh, hey, a coupon! Yes!
MIKE SR: And now, some comments
from VOCM's owner, Mr. Murphy,
on whose land the
development will stand.
Today Newfoundland boldly
steps into the future!
Busy highway drivers
will no longer have to
get out of their cars
to get something to eat.
POP: What, can't get
out of your car to eat?
What next, drive-thru toilets?
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
MARK: It's next door!
I'll practically be able
to order from my bed!
The road goes right through our house!
It barely nudges it.
- What?
- Nudges?
MIKE JR: Oh, this is
the best day of my life.
Oh, Mike! They are paving
my berry-picking spot!
POP: You're lucky he's not
gonna knock the house down.
It's his land!
Don't worry, Mr. Murphy assures me
that there'll be no
disruption whatsoever.
- [ENGINE STARTS]
- MAN: All right!
- [LOUD CLANKING]
- Oh!
[VEHICLE BEEPING]
[LOUD ENGINE]
♪
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
ADULT MARK: That year,
everything was looking up.
Literally! To the sky.
This week will see the
return of Halley's Comet.
It only passes the earth
once every 75 years.
ADULT MARK: I was always
fascinated with the stars,
both celestial and Hollywood.
Does anyone know what a perihelion is?
Well, it's the closest the
comet will come to the sun.
It won't be this close again until 2061!
I'll be 87!
And you'll be dead, miss.
Thank you, Fox.
You're all going to write an essay
about Halley's Comet.
[STUDENTS GROAN]
Who cares about space snots?
You know, some astronomers think
that the star of Bethlehem was a comet!
SISTER ROSE: It most certainly was not!
I will not stand by while you
indoctrinate these children
- into your religious heresy!
- Sister, a scientific explanation
A comet, children, did not
predict the birth of Christ,
but it will predict
the end of the world.
"The third angel sounded his trumpet,
and a great star, blazing like a torch,
fell from the sky
And many people died."
Revelations 8:10.
ADULT MARK: This was
not what they meant by
"when you wish upon a star."
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
REPORTER: [TV] For the past two weeks
ADULT MARK: Our family
library was limited.
REPORTER: [TV] Outside
the confederation building.
MARK: Comets.
Halley's Comet
Listing under "H."
H, H
Aw!
ADULT MARK: My folks got a
new volume of the encyclopedia
free with their groceries,
but you had to start paying after "C."
Dad, can I buy a book at
the book fair tomorrow?
MIKE SR: What's wrong
with the books we have?
Three encyclopedias and the Bible.
You can't have read all those.
Halley's Comet will be passing
over Newfoundland this week
for the first time in 75 years.
I-I need to hear this!
WEATHERMAN: The most
famous comet in history!
And it is characterized by
Good God! Is that safe?
Sparks might hit the roof.
MARK: Shh!
WEATHERMAN: So head outside
about three hours before sunrise
and you'll see Halley's Comet.
So keep looking up!
ADULT MARK: This was once in a lifetime.
I saw it the last time.
Big fuzzy snowball.
Garbage!
ADULT MARK: Twice for some.
A comet killed the dinosaurs, Pop!
MIKE SR: Hm.
Well, you must be terrified, then.
REPORTER: [TV] Tempers flared today
at the nuclear disarmament summit.
Russian president Mikhail
Gorbachev is demanding
a total ban on nuclear weapons in space,
but us President Ronald Reagan says
he will not back down on
his "Star Wars" project.
POP: A comet hitting the house,
that's the least of your worries.
That Yankee cowboy is
gonna get us all blown up!
REPORTER: [TV] In an
address to the nation,
Reagan had this to say.
So, here we sit, with
thousands of nuclear warheads
targeted on each other,
and capable of wiping
out both our countries.
ADULT MARK: Only one thing
could take a grade-eight boy's
mind off the end of the world
The scholastic book fair!
Once a year, a travelling
book fair would show up
to trick us into paying to read!
There's a skateboard
book! What are you getting?
Halley's Comet, with the free poster!
How about you, Fox?
Sweet Valley High? Baby-Sitters Club?
- Bruno and Boots?
- I don't care.
Door's open!
ADULT MARK: It was every
kid for themselves!
The boys fought over
the hockey books
While the girls raced to
get Sweet Valley High,
leaving my path clear.
♪
MARK: Just this. Thank you.
Got it!
Can you believe nobody else wanted this?
Yes.
That's mine!
Mine now!
Give it back!
You do realize you both live
in the same house, right?
Pfft, yeah, not for long.
Frig off!
What
- Got it!
- Congrats!
Do I got something on belonged to you?
Where'd you get your ears pierced?
What's it to ya?
The guys I skateboard
with have theirs pierced
But my parents won't let me.
Even if you recover from
the probable infection,
you'll never survive the inevitable
fallout in the school yard.
An earring won't kill him, wuss.
You need to go find a book on Van Gogh.
ADULT MARK: I had other interests.
Halley's Comet was a thing of science,
not some harbinger of doom.
[BELL RINGS]
FOX: Fire!
- KID: Come on, we gotta go!
- MARK: Uh
ADULT MARK: Okay, maybe a little doom.
[BELL RINGING]
- [BELL STOPS]
- Eight minutes!
Six minutes too long.
If this had been a real
fire, you'd have all burned
like blasphemers in hell!
What did your brother
mean, "not for long"?
Our poppy died.
Oh, God. I'm so sorry
Don't care. I never knew him.
But he left my dad his house
and now he wants us to move.
That's great! You hate
living in the blocks.
His house is up in
Cape Broyle, dumb-ass.
It's like an hour away.
I won't see my mom.
Or you.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
SISTER ROSE: Back inside! Everyone!
ADULT MARK: Maybe the
world really was ending.
[SOMBRE MUSIC]
["BERRY PICKING TIME" PLAYING ON RADIO]
We were picking berries
at old aunt Mary's ♪
When I picked a blushing bride ♪
Hm
By your kisses I
knew you'd picked me ♪
And I'd picked you
at berry picking time ♪
Ooh! Ooh, that's hot!
Let it cool!
Here.
Hey, it's been a while since
you made blueberry muffins.
Well, these are the last
muffins I'll ever make.
No blueberries for us.
Mom, come on. It's a drive-thru!
There are plenty of other
places to pick blueberries.
It's the memories!
ADULT MARK: Some families
went to Disneyland.
We went "up behind the house."
POP: Haven't you got enough?
- [CHUCKLES]
- Mark!
Come put some sunscreen on my feet!
- MIKE SR: Mark!
- MARY: Yuck.
Come on!
ADULT MARK: We all hated it.
Aw!
We had such lovely times.
ADULT MARK: Well, almost all.
Come on, it'll be all right.
Nothing's gonna change.
Oh, sure!
- [ENGINE STARTS]
- MAN: Back 'er up!
- Keep going!
- [VEHICLE BEEPING]
- MARY: Oh!
- [DISHES CRASHING]
- MAN: Whoa!
- MARY: [SIGHS]
Wayne scored a goal.
It's good for 99!
This is some good book.
Hey, we were watching that!
FOX: Dad? What are you doing here?
Well, your father and I
It's time to crap or get off the pot.
You gotta make a choice.
You either lives with
me, or your mother.
You gotta make a decision today!
That's not fair.
DAD: It's not fair to
me, is what it's not!
Look, your mother's got you crammed into
this basement apartment!
You comes with me, you
all get your own room, b'y!
NEIGHBOUR: Will you shut up down there?!
[BANGING ON WALL]
Frig off and mind your own business!
I'm talkin' to my kids!
So, who's with me?
A baby needs its mudder, you fool!
- He's not wrong.
- I picks Mom, too.
Move out to the boonies,
we won't see Mom no more.
What about me?
You stays, you won't see me no more.
What, you don't care about me?
I'll go with you, Dad.
♪
You mean that, kitten?
Yeah.
♪
Well
SUZANNE: I-I
I'll just grab your stuff, then.
I [SNIFFS]
Mom, wait. I
[DOOR CLOSES]
[SOMBRE MUSIC]
REPORTER: [TV] The mood was
heated in Reykjavík, Iceland today
as President Reagan met
with his counterpart,
Russian president Mikhail Gorbachev
to discuss nuclear disarmament.
President Reagan had this to say
Leaving our real defence,
a policy called "mutual
assured destruction,"
meaning if one side
launched a nuclear attack,
the other side could retaliate.
As a result, scientists moved the hands
of the Doomsday Clock to
three minutes to midnight.
The meeting of the two world leaders
ended without any formal agreement
Uh, what's the Doomsday Clock?
It's how they track how close
we are to the end of the world.
POP: Ah, we're fine.
Newfoundland has its own time zone.
We're half an hour
later than that clock.
MIKE SR: Speaking of the time
You better get to bed.
REPORTER: It's a matter of principle.
We'll be right back
Night, Dad. Night, Pop.
POP: Mm-hm.
ADULT MARK: I'd go to bed,
but I'd never get to sleep.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
REAGAN: [TV] Why are
the Soviets so adamant
that America remain forever vulnerable
to Soviet rocket attack?
As of today, all three
nations are utterly defenceless
against Soviet missiles fired
either by accident or design.
[NEWS MUSIC]
News flash!
Halley's Comet is headed
directly for Newfoundland!
The United States and the USSR
have both fired nuclear
missiles in retaliation.
[EERIE MUSIC]
[REAGAN'S VOICE IN BACKGROUND,
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[TENSE MUSIC]
[ROARING SOUND]
[TENSE MUSIC BUILDS]
REAGAN: Are utterly defenceless,
utterly defenceless,
utterly defenceless
10, 9, 8,
7, 6, 5,
4, 3, 2,
1!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- [LOUD CRASH]
- [MARK SCREAMS]
Aah, no!
POP: All right, shhh, it's just a dream.
Noo!
No, Fox! Help!
- Oh!
- Help!
Oh
You're all wet. What what's going on?
This
The the bomb!
Fox!
Just a dream.
Here, have some of this.
Now, no more news for
you before bedtime.
It's three minutes to midnight.
Aren't you scared?
[LAUGHS] God, no.
I'm 80.
I've seen it all before!
I mean, it was two minutes
to midnight in the 60's
when Khrushchev started
playing chicken with Kennedy.
- What happened?
- Common sense.
It's not as uncommon
as people may think.
You know, if there's one thing
that being old teaches you,
it's that you live every
day as if it was your last.
And eventually, you'll be right.
All right, go to sleep.
ADULT MARK: When you're little,
you're afraid of the dark.
Growing up brings the realization
that the light can be just as scary.
♪
♪
Oh! [LAUGHS] You got it done!
Awesome, can you still hear me?
Of course.
You got it on the wrong ear for boys!
I do?
The left ear is the right ear.
The right ear's not right.
MARK: It doesn't matter
what ear ya got done, Ritche.
It looks great.
Sook.
You think we could watch
the comet at your place,
since your dad has a telescope?
Sure.
- He won't mind.
- Can I come?
I could pierce your ear.
Mom did mine. There's nothing to it.
No offence, but I'm suspicious.
MARK: Yeah, you said
comets were space snots.
This might be our last
chance to really hang out.
I told Dad I'd go with him.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]
If Sister Rose is right,
I can't think of anyone I'd rather spend
the end of the world with.
♪
- Pshew!
- [LAUGHS]
Hello? Anybody there?
CASHIER: Can I take your order?
I have a coupon.
CASHIER: Uh, this is a drive-thru, sir.
You gotta be in a car to order.
How do you know I'm not in a car, hm?
CASHIER: I can see you!
Bloody peeping Tom!
- [CAR HONKS]
- Hey!
I'm trying to order here!
CASHIER: Step out of the line, sir.
POP: Hey, look!
It is a good job you're in that box!
CASHIER: I'll call the police.
POP: Listen, you can't do this to me!
This coupon is legal tender!
- [POLICE SIREN WHOOPS]
- Wha ?
♪
I'm sorry, Mike, I had no choice.
It's a good thing I
was on my lunch break.
Another officer would have charged him.
So he's free to go?
He's banned from Ches's.
Can't go within a hundred
feet of any location.
They're building one next door!
I won't be even be able to use the
kitchen sink, for Christ's sake!
We'll take it. Thank you, Gary.
I'll see you out.
Suck it, pig!
Pop, enough!
Kids.
[BOTH LAUGH]
♪
♪
So, it says here that we'll
see it two hours before sunrise.
That's 3 am.
All I see is fog.
ADULT MARK: It's hard to star-gaze
in a place known for fog horns.
Maybe that's a good thing.
The world can't end if
we can't see the comet.
Shut up with the
predictions, Nostra-dumbass!
Your world isn't gonna end, mine is!
Ugh.
Wait! Wha
- RITCHIE: Aah!
- FOX: Let me see your ear, okay?
RITCHIE: Get off of me!
Get off me!
MARK: What are you doing?
Do you want your ear
pierced or not, pecker-head?
It's not safe!
It is as long as you're
not a girl about it!
Give me the compass.
Uh
Uh
- Compass?
- Mm-hm.
Lighter.
Uh, lighter?
Oh no, are you gonna burn a hole in me?
No, it's to sterilize it.
I think we should rethink this.
- Potato.
- What?
Pass me the friggin' potato!
RITCHIE: I'm not hungry.
Ready?
I think I'm gonna puke.
Hold his hand.
- Is it gonna hurt?
- No.
I'm gonna tell you
when it's coming, okay?
5, 4, 3
Owwww!
You didn't wait!
ADULT MARK: Having your ear pierced
is like the end of the world.
It's only scary if you see it coming.
Bad-ass!
Is it supposed to be bleeding that much?
Here.
Hold still.
[WINCES]
Cool!
Now you won't forget me.
We'll never forget you.
Promise?
♪
- Ow!
- Blood swear?
Gross.
Blood swear!
Pretty sure it's supposed
to be our own blood, but
Blood swear.
Friends forever, right?
[EMOTIONAL MUSIC]
♪
Come with me and you will
see what's down the road ♪
We might handed barren
lands or fields of gold ♪
♪
Yet no matter where we roam,
no, we'll never be alone ♪
♪
Just come with me and you will see ♪
That we will always be ♪
Home. ♪
♪
ADULT MARK: Places come and go,
but the memories live on.
- Mm, mm! That's hot!
- It's not jam yet.
You gotta let the blueberries simmer.
Hm? Here.
Pass the sugar.
ADULT MARK:
Like dandelions in the sidewalk,
we find a way to survive.
Even when things are at their darkest,
you can find a little light.
REAGAN: [TV] We are closer
than ever before to agreements
that could lead to a safer
world without nuclear weapons.
It was a simple proposal, one
might say "disarmingly" simple.
REPORTER: [TV]
With news of a nuclear treaty,
the Doomsday Clock was moved
back to six minutes to midnight.
A lot of people will sleep
much more soundly tonight.
Don't forget to have an
eye out for Halley's Comet
as it passes over the province tonight.
It should be quite the
sight, if the clouds hold off.
ADULT MARK: Our world keeps changing,
but people rarely do.
You knows it's better if
they all stays together!
Yeah, better for you, ya mean!
Greg! She needs her brothers!
♪
[ENGINE STARTS]
Trying to catch your heart ♪
Is like trying to catch a star ♪
♪
So many people love you, baby ♪
That must be what you are ♪
Waiting for a star to fall
to carry your heart ♪
ADULT MARK: Growing up is tough.
But with the right people by your side,
it's not the end of the world.
♪
Waiting for a star to fall ♪
And carry your heart into my arms ♪
That's where you belong ♪
In my arms, baby, yeah ♪
I've learned to feel
what I cannot see ♪
♪
I don't know how to dream your dream ♪
So I'm all caught up
in the superstition ♪