The Batman (2004) s02e13 Episode Script
Night and the City
Let's brighten up the brownstones with some Joker white.
Coming through! Black and white, the colors of Penguin.
This is my turf, birdbrain.
The westside belongs to me, Joker, and you're violating my airspace.
You've derailed my dirigible.
Spring forward.
Fall back.
I proclaim this street Rictus Row.
It's my 'hood, and it's Penguinsbulg.
I prefer the ring of Enigma Avenue.
Who are you? Call me the Riddler.
Riddler, eh? - You stealing my shtick? - I do riddles.
I don't tell jokes.
Well, Gotham ain't big enough for the two of us, skinny, let alone three.
Precisely why I propose we settle this with a wager.
What's the game? The first to capture and unmask our greatest common foe wins Gotham.
No matter who wins The biggest loser is The Batman.
A turf war continues to plague our city as Joker, Penguin, and perhaps even Riddler clash to become Gotham's premier crime boss.
Gotham P.
D.
has of yet been unable to restore order.
Chief Rojas, are you expecting The Batman to get involved? The way I see it, The Bat is the root problem.
Gotham never had lunatics like these till he showed up.
Mark my words.
We're going to take down these villains and The Bat.
I do hope to see the day you no longer have to flee the law you work so hard to help.
Well, I don't think Gotham P.
D.
is gonna be deputizing The Bat any time soon, Alfred.
Gotham's new commissioner of police had this to say: Gotham is in the midst of a serious crime wave and with criminals like these it may be time for Gotham P.
D.
to start thinking outside the box.
James Gordon has loomed large in your life, Master Bruce.
Perhaps thinking outside the box might include going public with his support of The Batman? We're gonna show the commish what Gotham P.
D.
is made of and that means not standing by while The Bat nails these crazies for us not this time.
I want you all to step up efforts to find Joker Penguin, Riddler, because that's where you'll find The Bat.
- Detective Yin.
- Chief's pulling out all stops.
Lay low.
- Not with the gruesome threesome loose.
- Then we need to strategize.
Meet me at the abandoned cannery on Alden Street.
- Okay.
Give me an hour.
- Well, that explains a lot.
I was starting to wonder why you're always sneaking away.
You won't need this anymore.
Don't worry, Yin.
Your little powwow will go right ahead as planned.
But first, your badge.
Detective Yin? - Detective.
- Don't move! Nice work, Yin.
Stay put, Bat.
That is, unless you want the shock of a lifetime.
Gotham P.
D.
beat us to the punch? You mean nobody wins this contest? Until the cowl comes off, the game is on.
Radio the commish.
Let him know Chief Angel Rojas is about to meet the man behind The Bat.
Well, Bat, you gonna remove the mask or do I have to come over there and do it for you? Stun him! - Somebody get the lights! - Hey, look out! Don't let him get away! Get those lights on! Now! - Look out! - Get out of the way! - How did you do that? - I didn't.
- I didn't have anything to do with-- - I know.
Whole city's gone dark.
Not that I'm complaining.
Riddler.
He must have hacked into Gotham's central grid.
There! Got any ideas? My career in law enforcement is so over with.
Don't bet on it.
That's where we'll find Riddler.
Never thought I'd be on this end of a police chase.
Why is Riddle! so interested in being our guardian angel? Riddler doesn't want to share me with Gotham P.
D.
And he may or may not want to shale me with anyone else.
Mind the gap, Pengy- Mind your yap, sclewloose.
This is the source of the blackout? It's a transmitter.
Riddler routed a signal to lead us here.
So we play again, detectives.
- Where are you, Riddler? -You'll soon find out-.
Let's just say cups and rubbers dun 't mix and from where I sit, neither do these two things.
Riddler shmiddler.
The game belongs to Penguin! Back off, tubby.
Batsy's mine.
Oh, no, you don't.
Look out! And the game moves to a swift finish Riddler's favor.
Mind yourselves.
The Batman and his little helper are sure to be in a sour mood.
What? Boys, eliminate the competition.
Something tells me we're soon to receive a special guest.
Riddler hacked into the power grid through the transatlantic fiber-optic cable.
But how did he splice in? The cable runs along the ocean ï¬oor.
Riddler's riddle.
He sits near two things that don't mix: Oil and water.
Okay.
We're on the water.
And heading for an offshore oil-drilling platform.
We have our bat.
Let's move, people.
- I want these boats ready to launch now.
- You're a busy man, chief.
First, I receive word you're unmasking The Batman, then you're on the docks, sending half our force to sea.
Commissioner Gordon, we sighted The Bat heading east in an unlicensed watercraft.
He has a fugitive in tow.
So could be The Batman's on the lam or could be he's on to something about this pickle we're in.
You're not saying you want a vigilante to do police work.
I'm saying we need to be smart about this.
If we stop The Batman now, we may never find out where he's headed.
- Plan? - Keep a lookout.
- I thought I was your partner.
- But you're not my sidekick.
You're a lousy host.
And you two are lousy competition.
You know, Jokester, maybe there is enough Gotham for two to share.
- Now, what was that you were saying ? - About the quality of the competition? No more games.
You want me? Here I am.
What kind of bird packs a wallop? A crane.
There's nowhere you can go that I can't leach.
In my book, keeping a lookout means watching your back.
Foul play! Riddler's remote-control system.
Bye-bye! What? Lights out, Riddler.
I'm the last man standing.
The game belongs to me! Thought you could use some good press.
Well done, sir.
I surrender.
I promise to save a cell for The Bat right next to yours.
I'm not so sure this is a good idea, Chief Rojas.
Detective Yin aided and abetted a known criminal resisted arrest and fled police custody.
That's one way to look at it.
Here's another way: Detective Yin helped to bring in Gotham's three most wanted.
It seems to me, the department's had its share of bad press lately.
Do you really think it's wise to arrest a hero? - Nice work, detective.
- Thank you, commissioner.
Detective Yin informs me the pager you supplied to her is on the blink.
What's on your mind, commissioner? You know, I feel chasing bats is counterproductive not to mention a waste of police resources.
Thanks to all of your efforts, Batman, the time is finally right to take our alliance to the next step.
Commissioner? Good press sometimes goes beyond the law.
The hearts and minds of all of Gotham are behind you.
I do my best work from the shadows.
That won't need to change.
All I ask is that you help me make Gotham a safe place for my daughter to grow up in.
For your daughter, then.
Coming through! Black and white, the colors of Penguin.
This is my turf, birdbrain.
The westside belongs to me, Joker, and you're violating my airspace.
You've derailed my dirigible.
Spring forward.
Fall back.
I proclaim this street Rictus Row.
It's my 'hood, and it's Penguinsbulg.
I prefer the ring of Enigma Avenue.
Who are you? Call me the Riddler.
Riddler, eh? - You stealing my shtick? - I do riddles.
I don't tell jokes.
Well, Gotham ain't big enough for the two of us, skinny, let alone three.
Precisely why I propose we settle this with a wager.
What's the game? The first to capture and unmask our greatest common foe wins Gotham.
No matter who wins The biggest loser is The Batman.
A turf war continues to plague our city as Joker, Penguin, and perhaps even Riddler clash to become Gotham's premier crime boss.
Gotham P.
D.
has of yet been unable to restore order.
Chief Rojas, are you expecting The Batman to get involved? The way I see it, The Bat is the root problem.
Gotham never had lunatics like these till he showed up.
Mark my words.
We're going to take down these villains and The Bat.
I do hope to see the day you no longer have to flee the law you work so hard to help.
Well, I don't think Gotham P.
D.
is gonna be deputizing The Bat any time soon, Alfred.
Gotham's new commissioner of police had this to say: Gotham is in the midst of a serious crime wave and with criminals like these it may be time for Gotham P.
D.
to start thinking outside the box.
James Gordon has loomed large in your life, Master Bruce.
Perhaps thinking outside the box might include going public with his support of The Batman? We're gonna show the commish what Gotham P.
D.
is made of and that means not standing by while The Bat nails these crazies for us not this time.
I want you all to step up efforts to find Joker Penguin, Riddler, because that's where you'll find The Bat.
- Detective Yin.
- Chief's pulling out all stops.
Lay low.
- Not with the gruesome threesome loose.
- Then we need to strategize.
Meet me at the abandoned cannery on Alden Street.
- Okay.
Give me an hour.
- Well, that explains a lot.
I was starting to wonder why you're always sneaking away.
You won't need this anymore.
Don't worry, Yin.
Your little powwow will go right ahead as planned.
But first, your badge.
Detective Yin? - Detective.
- Don't move! Nice work, Yin.
Stay put, Bat.
That is, unless you want the shock of a lifetime.
Gotham P.
D.
beat us to the punch? You mean nobody wins this contest? Until the cowl comes off, the game is on.
Radio the commish.
Let him know Chief Angel Rojas is about to meet the man behind The Bat.
Well, Bat, you gonna remove the mask or do I have to come over there and do it for you? Stun him! - Somebody get the lights! - Hey, look out! Don't let him get away! Get those lights on! Now! - Look out! - Get out of the way! - How did you do that? - I didn't.
- I didn't have anything to do with-- - I know.
Whole city's gone dark.
Not that I'm complaining.
Riddler.
He must have hacked into Gotham's central grid.
There! Got any ideas? My career in law enforcement is so over with.
Don't bet on it.
That's where we'll find Riddler.
Never thought I'd be on this end of a police chase.
Why is Riddle! so interested in being our guardian angel? Riddler doesn't want to share me with Gotham P.
D.
And he may or may not want to shale me with anyone else.
Mind the gap, Pengy- Mind your yap, sclewloose.
This is the source of the blackout? It's a transmitter.
Riddler routed a signal to lead us here.
So we play again, detectives.
- Where are you, Riddler? -You'll soon find out-.
Let's just say cups and rubbers dun 't mix and from where I sit, neither do these two things.
Riddler shmiddler.
The game belongs to Penguin! Back off, tubby.
Batsy's mine.
Oh, no, you don't.
Look out! And the game moves to a swift finish Riddler's favor.
Mind yourselves.
The Batman and his little helper are sure to be in a sour mood.
What? Boys, eliminate the competition.
Something tells me we're soon to receive a special guest.
Riddler hacked into the power grid through the transatlantic fiber-optic cable.
But how did he splice in? The cable runs along the ocean ï¬oor.
Riddler's riddle.
He sits near two things that don't mix: Oil and water.
Okay.
We're on the water.
And heading for an offshore oil-drilling platform.
We have our bat.
Let's move, people.
- I want these boats ready to launch now.
- You're a busy man, chief.
First, I receive word you're unmasking The Batman, then you're on the docks, sending half our force to sea.
Commissioner Gordon, we sighted The Bat heading east in an unlicensed watercraft.
He has a fugitive in tow.
So could be The Batman's on the lam or could be he's on to something about this pickle we're in.
You're not saying you want a vigilante to do police work.
I'm saying we need to be smart about this.
If we stop The Batman now, we may never find out where he's headed.
- Plan? - Keep a lookout.
- I thought I was your partner.
- But you're not my sidekick.
You're a lousy host.
And you two are lousy competition.
You know, Jokester, maybe there is enough Gotham for two to share.
- Now, what was that you were saying ? - About the quality of the competition? No more games.
You want me? Here I am.
What kind of bird packs a wallop? A crane.
There's nowhere you can go that I can't leach.
In my book, keeping a lookout means watching your back.
Foul play! Riddler's remote-control system.
Bye-bye! What? Lights out, Riddler.
I'm the last man standing.
The game belongs to me! Thought you could use some good press.
Well done, sir.
I surrender.
I promise to save a cell for The Bat right next to yours.
I'm not so sure this is a good idea, Chief Rojas.
Detective Yin aided and abetted a known criminal resisted arrest and fled police custody.
That's one way to look at it.
Here's another way: Detective Yin helped to bring in Gotham's three most wanted.
It seems to me, the department's had its share of bad press lately.
Do you really think it's wise to arrest a hero? - Nice work, detective.
- Thank you, commissioner.
Detective Yin informs me the pager you supplied to her is on the blink.
What's on your mind, commissioner? You know, I feel chasing bats is counterproductive not to mention a waste of police resources.
Thanks to all of your efforts, Batman, the time is finally right to take our alliance to the next step.
Commissioner? Good press sometimes goes beyond the law.
The hearts and minds of all of Gotham are behind you.
I do my best work from the shadows.
That won't need to change.
All I ask is that you help me make Gotham a safe place for my daughter to grow up in.
For your daughter, then.