The Great North (2021) s02e13 Episode Script

1 The Great North Here we live, oh, oh Here we'll stay, oh, whoo From longest night to longest day In the Great North.
Good morning, my aurora imaginary-best-friend-ealis.
So, you know how I've been doing some investigative journalism for the school newspaper about the Saved by the Spells? They were a school secret society or something? Uh, they were a school secret society or everything.
25 years ago, a group of students calling themselves the Saved by the Spells pulled off the most legendary prank in school history when, in the cover of darkness, they mowed Keanu Reeves's face into the soccer field.
People could recognize Keanu's face from the grass on a soccer field? Uh, no, but they left behind a note saying, "We mowed Keanu Reeves's face into the soccer field," and then everyone was like, "Oh, wow.
" So, yesterday, someone emailed me an anonymous tip to search the school's decommissioned practice mine, where, for years, all Lone Moose children were prepared for an inevitable life of work underground.
There, I found this.
It's basically an instruction manual for starting my own chapter of the Spells.
You know having a secret society has always been my dream.
A secret club is very fun.
It reminds me of the secret girls trips to Cabo I used to take with Sarah McLachlan, Ani DiFranco and Joan Osborne.
Why were they secret? To ward off the paparazzi? - To ward off Dave Grohl.
- Oh.
I love me some Davey G, but they were girls trips.
It was Joan Osborne's idea to tell him that "Cabo" was code for taco night at Baja Fresh.
So we'd go for a 45-minute dinner at Baja Fresh with Dave Grohl, and then leave for the airport to spend two weeks living it up in Cabo without him.
Noted.
When planning a girls trip to Cabo, keep it hush-hush around David Grohl.
- Oh, my gosh, is that - Yes.
The CB parts that were on backorder finally arrived.
Hey, Ham and Judy, you guys want to get in on this sweet CB radio action after school today? Sorry, Moon, we're busy.
- We are? - Yes.
You know.
The meeting about the thing.
Ham, I think your sister is insinuating that you two might be getting up to mild teenage shenanigans that - she would prefer I not know about.
- I fixed it.
This is HJ Hank.
- Breaker, breaker, looking for some takers.
- Uh, oh - Okay.
Uh - I'll be in the third stall of the bathroom - at the church.
- Dad.
We didn't even get to hear where to meet HJ Hank.
- Okay.
- Uh, I forgot to tell you that - the best channel on here is channel eight.
- Oh, that's where Ham and I made our trucker friend during our CB radio phase.
Ruff Barkins.
He'd drive up and down the highway nearby every day looking for his stolen dog Honk.
- Did he ever find him? - I don't know.
Mom figured out how to steal cable, and we never turned the CB radio on again.
Well, we'd better get to school so you kids aren't late.
Dad, can I try channel eight when I get home? - If you insist, son.
- Yes.
This is Toe-Sucking Tony.
- Pull off them socks.
- Ah! Okay.
Good Lord.
Who looks better for drinks with my boy Cheesecake tonight? Mr.
Cool Button Down or my main man Johnny T-Shirt? I don't know.
Cheesecake is crazy, so I'd wear a life jacket, a helmet - and a bunch of extra underwear.
- Yeah, anything can happen with the C and C Cheesecake Factory.
You want to come along tonight? I think I'll stick to book club with Alyson and Jerry.
We're reading the first installment of Boggitha Johns: Swamp Detective.
Look at us.
I'm gonna drink beers with Cheesecake, and you're in a book club with your brother and my sister's boss.
We're like the cover of Fun Marriage Magazine.
Ham and I have gathered you here today for a special opportunity.
We're starting an exclusive, top secret secret society tonight.
Fine, I'll cancel with my other secret society.
Oh, you mean you and your little brother going through your yearbook and putting an X next to everyone - who's been mean to you? - And that's an X on Bethany.
Meet us tonight at the school's decommissioned practice mine for the inaugural induction ceremony of Saved by the Spells: The Next Generation.
Wait.
The Saved by the Spells? The ones who did that legendary prank? Mowing Keanu's perfect face on the soccer field? - The very same.
- Okay.
- I'm in.
- Why not? Judy, I just want you to know that if we get caught, I'll ask the judge to let me serve your time, too.
Okay.
Thanks, Gill.
Thanks.
Okay, I'm off to buy some book club snacks at Val-U-Buy.
Do you have my number written on your arm in case of a Cheesecake emergency? - A-check a-mate.
- Hon, you've got to stop saying "checkmate" when you just mean "yes.
" But it sounds so cool.
Goodbye, my little book-club Bedelia.
Mwah.
It's Bacon Bear with a 10-2.
My heater's a-going and my manners are showing.
I'm looking for a trucker by the name of Ruff Barkins.
Breaker, did you say Ruff Barkins? - Is that you, Ruff? - I'm his I'm his brother, Tuff Barkins.
Ruff's been missing for a while now.
He was looking for his dog Honk, but he went a-Barkins up the wrong tree.
Oh, no, the dognappers got him, too? That's what I think.
But let me start way back at the beginning of the story.
My brother Ruff started long-haul trucking at 13.
His feet couldn't reach the pedals, so that's where I came in, down there pressing them with my hands.
It is my grave and distinguished honor as high council of Saved by the Spells: The Next Generation to welcome you all.
Now, before I swear you in, I must warn you, this is a secret society.
No one can ever know you're a member, especially no adults.
- But what about my - No, Gill, you can't tell your mom, even if she is your best friend.
Okay, first things first, according to the almanac, we all get to make up at least one rule for the club.
- Ham? - Okay, my rule is that we all be best friends forever, and we never forget what we mean to each other.
My rule is the same as Ham's.
My rule is we start talking about those pranks.
Okay, yes.
I thought we could pay homage to the original Spells by building a giant papier-mâché Keanu Reeves head and setting it ablaze, and then leaving a note telling everyone we did it.
I've already got all the supplies we need right here.
This makes no sense.
I love it.
Could we get in big trouble for starting a fire on school property? Yes.
But being a part of a secret club that pulls off a dangerous prank is what every kid dreams of, and I believe there's a reason we got the anonymous tip leading us to the Spells on this auspicious anniversary, - and that reason is destiny! - Oh! I thought of my rule.
During the prank, we have to sing my favorite song, the Chili's Baby Back Ribs jingle.
Ugh, fine, sure.
And so, it is foretold.
On the vernal equinox, Keanu's approximate half-birthday, the prank shall be so.
And remember, don't tell any adults, or we could get in big trouble.
Oh, Spello.
- Attention, class.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
I'd like you to meet our new student Joey TicTac.
What up, what up? Undercover Principal Day.
What is Undercover Principal Day? Every year, Gibbons spends one day, chosen at random, posing as a teen to try to find out what's going on with the students here.
And every year, he tries a different persona.
Christian Devilsbane, goth kid.
Go, team.
- Kip Willikers.
- Howdy.
And this year, he's that.
What's up, my fellow millennials? Let's YouTube.
What is that loud noise? Oh, it's my breathing.
My body feels like a wet sack of rats.
- What happened last night? - You don't remember? Who knew book club would be such a rager? Jerry and Alyson texted I never even showed up to book club.
I know I went to Val-U-Buy, and there were free wine samples - Wolf! What is that? - My B button.
Are we saying "B button"? Is that what we say? Oh, something went very wrong.
Cheesecake and I always agree: whatever happens, no body modifications.
We got to go see him and find out what the helly happened to my belly.
Okay, so, it is bad that Gibbons decided to do undercover principal on the same week that we revived the Spells, but he only does it for a day, so if we just avoid Hello! - Hi.
- What's up, barf bags? Mind if Joey gets to know-y? Who wants to tell me their life story first? Oh, wonderful.
I love how "Gangnam Style" you all are.
Anyway, gonna go peep my epic new locker.
Oh, and I can't wait for tonight's meeting of Saved by the Spells.
Thanks for the invite, Crisp-dog.
Crispin, did you invite Joey TicTac to our secret society? I know what it's like to be a new student.
I didn't want Joey to feel the deep sense of isolation I felt.
You were instantly popular.
Everyone had a crush on you.
- And yet - What should we do? Should we cancel the meeting? If we start driving right now, we can be in Arkansas in three weeks.
Or should we go ahead with the meeting, but we also frame Joey TicTac for murder? - Cover our bases? - I love that you would go that hard, Kima, but I don't think that we have to.
Principal Gibbons is probably coming because he thinks we're up to something bad, so we'll just make sure he thinks it's a nice friendship club, and we won't say anything about the prank.
Okay, so, I'll go tell Joey TicTac not to tell Gibbons - about the prank.
- Crispin, no.
Wait, Cheesecake lives in a trailer behind the bar? Uh-oh, someone sounds jealous.
Oh, hey, guys.
Want to go get a drink? Yes.
Wait, no.
- Why did I say yes? - That's Cheesecake for you.
Hey, C-cake, know anything about this? Oof.
Nope.
She's a beaut, though.
What is that, aquamarine? So you don't remember last night, either? Mm, last thing I remember, we went to Junkyard Kyle's for the Junker Jump.
Oh, we met up with my main man Old Jody Jr.
Let's go see if he knows anything.
It's about a ten-minute walk.
How many beers are you each gonna need? I'll just grab a 12-pack and we'll stop for more on the way.
Didn't expect to see you three back so soon.
- Wait, I was here last night? - Yep, for the Junker Jump.
People come from far and wide to put bricks on gas pedals and launch old cars into the quarry.
Did either of you pierce my husband's belly button? Ma'am, I did not pierce that B button.
I really wish you guys would stop saying "B button.
" - That's what it's called.
- It's the medical term.
We'd love to know what happened to us last night.
I did sell you some of my homemade moonshine.
This stuff will shake up the old Etch A Sketch.
Similar thing happened to me once.
I took mushrooms and, well, blah, blah, blah, I woke up the next morning married to my brother Old Jesse Jr.
's ex-wife Sharon Sr.
It wasn't until the next time I took mushrooms that I remembered the wedding ceremony.
My point is, probably the best way to find out what happened is to buy some more moonshine and follow in your own footsteps.
Five bucks a pop, and the truth is yours.
- It's a good deal.
- Okay, but let's only get drunk enough to remember what happened, and no drunker.
Well, it is already 4:00 p.
m.
- Somewhere.
- Yeah.
Here.
- It's 4:00 p.
m.
here.
- Yeah, you get it.
Okay, the papier-mâché prank head is hidden.
Now, we know Gibbons only ever poses as a student for one day.
So we'll just show him a good, wholesome time, and tomorrow, things will go back to normal.
Smash that "what up" button, fam.
This is gonna be straight Tide Pod.
Great! Well, we're just gonna do what we do at all our secret meetings and, uh, go around and say something nice about someone else.
I'll start.
Uh Kima is a great friend.
Gill looks like a peanut.
Thank you, Kima.
My favorite thing about Ham is that when he sees that I'm falling asleep, he'll puts Oreos on my eyes to block the light.
Uh, and Joey, something nice to tell you, even though you're new, is that it's like we've known you for years.
Oh, wow, thank you.
You've made me feel so welcome here.
Mm, y'okay, well, that's our time.
Got to get home and do our homework because of how much we love school.
Well, I think he bought it.
And tomorrow, he goes back to being Gibbons, and we get back to planning our prank.
- You got to be kidding me.
- What's up? - Joey, you're back? - Today's a schi-zool day, isn't it? I couldn't miss tonight's Spells meeting for the world.
Audi five million.
Dab.
Look, he's probably just trying to get us to slip up.
But the prank isn't until Friday, so we just need to do the same thing we did last night, and I'm sure he'll lose interest.
It sucks when you wanna burn Keanu You make the papier-mâché But then it's Undercover Principal Day We don't wanna grow up It makes us wanna throw up 'Cause you can't burn a big head When you're old and lame and stupid and dead We don't wanna age, we just wanna rage 'Cause we found an old book under an old birdcage.
Ugh, not again.
This is fun and all, but we just keep getting very drunk on moonshine every night and we're no closer to the truth.
Uh, baby, was that big tattoo of purple grapes always there? Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
This ends now.
Wake up, Cheesecake.
What's up? We doing mimosas? - Good morning, Judy.
- Uh, hey, Dad.
- Let's say you were in a group.
- Like a fishing group? Sure.
And there was a big fishing, uh, thing coming up, but there was one fishing friend that you didn't want to come because that friend would get you in really big trouble with the principal, uh, at your, um, boat.
This fish thing, does it coincide with the vernal equinox? Yes.
Wait, how did you You were in the original Saved by the Spells? I can neither confirm nor deny.
Nor do I know who might have sent an anonymous tip to Judy Tobin at the school paper suggesting she may want to investigate the decommissioned practice mine.
Well, I got your anonymous tip and I restarted the club, but then Principal Gibbons decided to do - Undercover Principal this week.
- Oh, dear.
And now he won't leave, and the prank is tonight.
And if he busts us, we'll be in huge trouble.
Well, if he keeps coming back, maybe he's not trying to bust you.
Maybe he just enjoys the camaraderie.
You know, being part of a group can make a person feel special, and those friendships can never be replaced, long after your fellow club members have graduated and moved on to Juneau or Fairbanks or the hustle and bustle of Indianapolis.
You'll miss those days so terribly, you'll find yourself jonesing for some Jones.
Joan.
Joan Osborne.
Dave Grohl! That's it.
We'll take him to Baja Fresh.
Metaphorically speaking.
I don't know what you're talking about, but if it helps keep the secret, I'm all for it.
Good lunch-er-noon, my Spells.
If you're noticing that I'm in an amazing mood, there is a reason for that, and I'm gonna tell you about it.
Oh, great, another Judy-centered lunchtime.
Yes, it is centered on me because I figured something out.
Gibbons is obviously hanging around us to catch us doing a big prank, so we just have to invite him to do a small prank we won't get in trouble for, and then do the real one later that night.
That's right, we'll take Dave Grohl for tacos at Baja Fresh at 6:00 p.
m.
and then the rest of us will go to Cabo at 10:00.
Ooh, I'm gonna get the Baja Bowl with the wild-cut crispy wahoo.
We're not actually going to Baja Fre oh, oh, oh.
- Hi, hi, hi, hi.
- What's the dealio, squad goals? What are all my best friends Venmoing about? It's the vernal equinox, so the Spells - got to be doing something.
- Joey's right.
Tonight's the big night of the big prank.
So, we'll meet up in the parking lot at 6:00 p.
m.
- just like we planned.
- And after that, - we go to Baja Fresh? - Crispin, no.
Hey, Judy, wait up.
I just wanted to say thanks again for inviting me to the prank tonight.
Well, you're part of the group, I guess.
Yeah, I've never had friends like this before.
I was six-foot-two by the time I was eight and kids always thought I was a teacher or the principal, so eventually I just became one.
I mean, I plan to become one.
I'm 15.
Any-Howard the Duck, I'm really excited for tonight.
I'm gonna RT and fave it.
So, when my at-that-point ex-wife Sharon Sr.
and I took mushrooms together - for the fifth time - Enough.
If we have one more night like we've been having, we're gonna end up in a human centipede with Cheesecake.
- I call middle.
- No fair.
We're not leaving until you tell us what happened.
Until then, no more moonshine for us or you.
Oh, I don't drink.
Old Jody Jr.
is old clean and sober.
But sure, yeah, here's yeah, I'll tell you what happened.
Cheesecake and Wolf showed up at the Junker Jump 19 sheets to the wind.
And you, Honeybee, showed up with someone named Barbara, the wine sample lady from Val-U-Buy, and I sold all of you some of my world-famous moonshine.
You began making increasingly wild bets on which car would fly the farthest in the Junker Jump.
Who were we betting with? You? Oh, no, I'm sober from that, too.
You bet with each other.
The loser had to get a B button piercing - from the winner.
- I tagged that tum? Yep.
Night two, after you guys had more moonshine, Honeybee, you lost a bet with Wolf and had to get a tattoo of his choosing.
And as everyone knows, Wolf, well, he loves purple grapes.
I think what I love most about them is how purple they are.
Now, night three, you actually tried to gamble your dad's van in the Junker Jump before Junkyard Kyle stepped in and bet that you couldn't join the Navy.
- Turns out, uh, you could.
- Shore leave is gonna be sick! But I think you're off the hook since you all signed up under the name Boggitha Johns? But wait, why didn't you just tell us what happened the first time we asked you? Honestly, I've been trying to unload that moonshine for years.
I need the jars.
I'm starting a new jelly company called Old Jammy Jr.
Now, tell me again why you're getting a tattoo - of a glass of milk.
- To go with Honeybee's tattoo.
Because we go together like grapes and milk.
You know, you dip the grape in the milk and you eat it.
So refreshing.
Aw, now it's like our B buttons are married, too.
Look at us, making mistakes together and then making them again so all our mistakes match.
We're like the cover of Solid Marriage Magazine.
Well, I think we got all the litter.
- Great prank, guys.
- That's the prank? We're the Saved by the Spells, for ALF's sake.
This could be our last night together.
I mean, you never know whose dad might suddenly get a new job in another state and won't be here on Monday.
Sorry, Joey, but we aren't like the old Spells.
We're not gonna do some big thing.
It's like our new motto says: "We just pick up all the litter, and that's the whole prank.
" Oh, Keanu, heed our call, bless this field with your mighty jaw.
Your face and eyes we invoke, for a bodacious prank, of legend spoke.
Give me my baby back, baby back, bab - Guys, my rule? - Ugh.
I want my baby back, baby back, baby back Chili's Baby Back Ribs.
Well, ecsqueeze me very much.
- Joey? - That's not Joey, Crispin.
- That's Principal Gibbons.
- Oh.
But you got to admit, he looks a lot like Joey.
Principal Gibbons, we-we thought you were not here.
I came back to hole-punch a recipe for my recipe binder, and imagine my surprise at finding this dangerous, big prank that is not allowed but also probably made some people feel left out.
Go home, all of you.
I'll see you on Monday after I've decided what the punishment is for something bad and hurtful like this.
Oh.
What if Gibbons was one of us? I've got an idea where the dognappers might have taken Ruff and Honk.
There's an abandoned weigh station near Death Cliff I found using online satellite maps.
- Now, if you want, I can go there myself.
- No! I mean, I happen to be right near there.
So I can investigate since I know it's your bedtime.
How do you know it's my bedtime? Well, I just figured you adhered to the trucker's standard sleep scale.
- Oh, of course I do.
- And Bacon Bear, don't forget to polish your gear and hose down your mud flaps.
That's trucker talk for brush your teeth and wash your face.
Judy Tobin to the principal's office, please.
- Judy - Look, before you give me a very bad punishment which I definitely deserve, I know I took the wrong lesson from Joan Osborne's most popular song.
- "Pensacola"? "Crazy Baby?" - I meant "One of Us.
" I have a feeling that when you were 15, you didn't have a group of friends.
And you really were very tall.
And now that you're the principal, well, it's like, in the song, what if you got to be one of us? Just a stranger on the soccer field Trying to burn a big head.
I'm sorry we lied to you.
Thank you, but of course, I don't have any idea - what you're talking about.
- Okay.
But for what it's worth, if you were our age, I would totally be your friend.
Well, I appreciate that, Judy, but unfortunately, the ringleader behind the prank will still be expelled from school.
I have no choice but to expel Joey TicTac, forever.
I know you were all very, very good friends with Joey.
- Some might even say best friends.
- Mm.
So that will have to be punishment enough for your involvement with this character who was truly a rebel and a bit of a maverick.
Oh, and Judy, I've gone ahead and closed the school's decommissioned practice mine.
- I understand.
- I should probably close the school's decommissioned practice meatpacking plant as well, but I'm just so swamped with work.
I just hope no MC Skat Kats on the high council get any cray-cray ideas.
Bacon Bear, guess who's sitting next to me.
Is that Honk? You found him? I found them.
They were right where you said, tied to a ticking time bomb on the railroad tracks.
Bacon Bear, this is Ruff Barkins.
I don't know how to thank you.
Well, you could stop by my house.
I'll give you the address.
I wish we could, but while I was rescuing Ruff, somebody took my cat Puff Meow-kins.
Dang.
You guys can't catch a break.
Also, never give out your address over a CB radio, son.
Never.
Now, we could sure use some ideas on where a cat-napping ring might be around these parts.
But I don't suppose you've got the time to help us.
I can move some things around.
Hey, Dad.
Got to head out for a bit.
I have a study group.
Aha.
So the fishing thing must have gone well.
- It did not.
- And are they in any trouble? I can neither confirm nor deny literally anything about them.
As it is written.
So that's it for the new Saved by the Spells? - The what by the what? - Wonderful.
Hey, speaking of secrets, this was on the porch for you.
I wonder who could have left it there.
By the power vested in me as high council, and in honor of our fallen brother Joey TicTac, I hereby declare this meeting of the Saved by the Spells: The Next Generation, bada boom, bada bing, to have started.
We go together We go together like brownies and cheese Pickles and oatmeal, like church bells and peas We go together like milk and grapes Chicken and peanut butter Bologna and crepes We go together like grapes and milk Perfect combo, smooth as silk We go together, we go together.