The Haunted Hathaways (2013) s02e13 Episode Script

Louie's late.
Do you think that bully's messing with him again? (Screams) Yes, I do.
Louie, not again.
This bullying has to stop.
What, this? I couldn't find my hoodie, so I went in a different direction.
Incoming! (Grunts) Not funny, Dwayne! Hey, guys.
Ready for some exciting Scott news? Yes! Anyway, Scott asked me to babysit his cousin next Saturday, but my calendar app froze.
I'm available, right? Wow, you really think I have your entire social schedule memorized? That's insulting.
You're free till dinner.
Great.
He's releasing baby turtles into the wild that Saturday.
I'm going to score some serious Scott points.
How old is the kid? - Two.
- Two? Have you not heard of the terrible twos? They're terrible.
It's in the name.
That's why you're going to help me.
- I don't want to help.
- Okay.
I'll just give him some coffee and let him play on the fire escape.
Bye! Okay, I'll help, I'll help.
(Upbeat rock music) If you move into a haunted house You've got to try to work things out So if you're living with a ghost of three You got to be one big semi-scary family All: don't know how we ended up this way But I guess you could call us the haunted hathaways - Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh - The haunted hathaways Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh The haunted hathaways The haunted hathaways (Camera shutter clicking) Crustless sandwich? Crust? Oh.
Apparently I'm serving the queen of england.
Thank you, miss hathaway.
Everything is scrumptious.
So very scrumptious.
Aw, you girls are the sweetest.
You remind me of my own little princess.
Look at those freaks.
Yeah, like little fancy-pants robots.
(Robot voice) Please pass the scrumptious tea cakes.
(Robot voice) It would be my scrumptious pleasure.
(Laughing) But seriously, pass the tea cakes.
Why are you wearing only one sneaker? Dwayne's still got my other one.
Thanks, buddy.
Louie, you've got to deal with this guy once and for all.
What's your scariest haunt? Well, I have been working on a giant spider illusion.
Then that's what you've got to do.
Let's see it.
- What about the party? - Who cares about them? They can't see you.
Just do it.
All right, but I'm not responsible for the terror you're about to witness.
(Croaks) (Laughs) Cower before my spider fangs! (Fly buzzes) Ooh, a fly.
You're all mine, tiny insect.
Who's ready for pudding? - Louie, wait! Don't go! - Oh! (Gasps) - It's butterscotch.
- My dress! Mrs.
snodgrass, I-I am so, so sorry.
For ruining our event, or your daughter's reckless behavior? This party's over.
Oh! So, same time next month? (Sighs) Frankie, you just ruined my party.
Sorry.
I'll help you clean up.
This might take a while.
What am I going to do with you? I've tried lecturing, I've tried grounding.
- Nothing works.
- Pardon me.
I overheard your conversation with your daughter.
Ugh, I couldn't be more embarrassed.
(Slurps) Spoke too soon.
I had the same problem with my little girl.
Then I sent her to lady beauchamp's charm academy.
She came back a perfect angel.
It was the best two weeks of my life.
Other than every day I get to spend with you.
Wha? Here's lady beauchamp's card.
(Snickering) Were those two for real? Yeah, talk about weird.
(Fly buzzes) (Slurps) Thank goodness my mom would never send me to a stupid charm academy.
Right, mom? Her name is Frankie hathaway.
We'll be there first thing in the morning.
Pardon me, sir.
I think you may have wandered out of the Baker Ray? 'Sup.
What is this? Ah-ha.
Pretty cool, huh? Hey! Hit a bit of a dry spell.
I'm trying to update my look to get some work with some younger bands.
Hip it up, am I right? Can you even breathe in those pants? Ha-ha! Doesn't matter, because everybody will be looking at my hair! (Hums) Miles, what is all this? Just making this place safe for Scott's little cousin.
You padded a pillow? You're right.
Let's just prop them up against a rock instead.
Check this out.
Good thing that air bag was there.
Thanks to me, this place will be totally childproof.
Miles, when I asked you to help, I just wanted you to change diapers.
I can handle the rest.
(Panting) Who chained down the toilet seat? I'm trying to prevent accidents.
Well, you're about to have one.
Miles is getting us ready to babysit Scott's two-year-old cousin.
Babysit? Are you nuts? Have you not heard of the terrible twos? They're terrible! Thank you! Mom, it's just a little kid.
How hard can it be? You say that now, but you'll be coming to the expert later.
Michelle hathaway knows a thing or two about raising kids.
Frankie, put down the axe and get ready for manners camp! I got to go.
(Piano notes being played) I still can't believe you're making me spend two weeks in this freak show.
Yeah, Michelle.
This place gives me the creeps, and I'm a ghost.
Would you two stop? This academy is the very definition of class.
Oh, these are good.
Welcome to beauchamp's charm academy.
I am lady beauchamp.
And you must be francesca.
(Belches) Ugh, I do not remember eating that.
Frankie! I apologize, lady beetlejuice madame bovary ma'am.
Not to worry, miss hathaway.
In two weeks' time your daughter will be the well-mannered girl you've always dreamt of having.
Oh, thank you.
I know there's a sweet girl in there.
Deep, deep in there.
Okay, it is time for me to go.
I love you.
And I will be back next week to visit.
Try to act classy.
This is so unfair.
Relax, Bud.
This is gonna be fun.
I'm planning on giving old lady butt chomp two weeks she'll never forget.
- (Sighs) - Two weeks? How in the world will you ever get through this without me? (Loud, droning fart) I should go.
Francesca, that's an awfully large bag for such a petite girl.
Let's take a look inside, shall we? Ah.
Jelly beans.
Or perhaps miniature smoke bombs? Oh! Whoa, how did those get in there? And what else do we have? Night vision goggles, crowbar, a man's wig? You can have it when I'm done with it.
Any tricks you may have, tiny monster, I've already seen.
You haven't seen this one, big red.
I guess you have.
Fit her for a skirt! Hey, you okay? This house feels so empty without Frankie.
I can barely remember what she looks like.
Louie, it's been three hours and seven minutes.
I miss her so much! But this is going to be good for her.
If only there was something to make us feel better.
And that's not it.
Hey, hey, hey, homies.
What do you think? Does this say "keeping it fresh"? (Laughs) That hasn't been fresh for 20 years.
You don't think I'm pulling this off? I wish you would.
(Laughs) This is my joke outfit.
Get a sense of humor, haters.
Frankie would've loved that.
- I hope she's doing okay.
- I'm sure she's fine.
She's just going to learn a few manners.
It's not like they're brainwashing her.
A proper lady knows how to walk.
A proper lady knows how to talk Both: A proper lady knows how to greet.
- A proper lady - Is always Miles, you've been freaking out all week baby-proofing.
And it's done.
So can you please just calm down? (Bell dings) Scott's here! Scott's here! Hey, Taylor, this is Mikey.
Hi, Mikey! You ready to have fun? He is too cute.
- Thanks so much for doing this.
- It's nothing.
Yeah, because I did all the work! Just have fun with the turtles and know that Mikey is in good hands.
Good, soft hands.
Okay, so what do we do first? We try not to sit on Mikey.
Right.
(Chuckles) Don't worry, we got this.
(Mikey shrieks) We don't got this.
We have to get your mom.
No, this isn't that bad.
He's wearing a potato chip bag for a diaper! (Cries) Oh, great.
Now you made him cry.
He can't even hear me! He can sense your negativity! Oh, I can't take this anymore! Thanks a lot, Miles.
- You're welcome.
- Aah! What are you doing in there? Trying to figure out why he's crying.
It's awful.
He's got teeth coming in and, uh, he's pretty gassy.
There you go, he needs to be burped.
Hey, put me down.
I'm burping you.
I am two years old.
I do not need to be (Belches) See? Now stop being such a baby.
I'm not a baby! You're the baby! So, I just made poopies.
Okay, you need to get out of there.
See? I told you I knew what I was doing.
I babysat Frankie when she was little, and she turned out I don't have to answer to you.
Taylor, listen.
What? It's quiet.
I think he fell asleep! (Both scream) He's gone! Wait.
He can't get far, thanks to my baby gate.
(Both shriek) Sadly, constance, until you learn to balance a book on your head, you'll never marry real money.
Next.
Good afternoon, lady beauchamp.
Thank you for having me at your lovely academy.
Well done, francesca.
You were a challenge, but I always win.
Wow, Frankie.
Your "polite girl" act was perfect.
Louis, what a pleasant surprise.
Yeah, like that.
Hilarious! Man, have I missed you.
How many pranks have you pulled this week? Oh, I no longer do such childish things, Louis.
You can drop the act.
It's me.
I believe you mean, "it is I.
" (Bell rings) Ooh, rehearsal time.
Mustn't dawdle.
(Classical music plays) All: we're proper young girls At lady beauchamp's school We smile and we curtsy, and obey every rule We're so happy we learned how fun manners can be Now we fade to the background While the grown-ups drink tea Oh, man, my best friend is gone.
I just can't stand by and watch.
Much better.
Psst! Frankie! Frankie! Francesca.
- Hello, dear friend.
- Stop it! I got your bag back.
I'm here to snap you out of this.
You remember your smoke bombs, your man wig, and your favorite possession of all.
Bam! Big gert.
(Gruff voice) Give me some sugar.
(Smacks lips) I appreciate your visit, Louis, but I simply must prepare for tonight's parent tea.
I bid you adieu.
It means goodbye.
She's totally lost it.
(Kissing sounds) Here Mikey, Mikey, Mikey.
- (Claps) - He's a kid, not a dog.
Shh.
I hear something.
(Rock music plays) Yeah, yeah! Hello, new Orleans! Nailed it.
Yeah, yeah! (Imitates electric guitar solo) I can't un-see that.
(Cell phone rings) (Exhales) Uh-oh, it's Scott.
Just be cool.
Hey, Scott, how you doing? Thanks for calling.
Talk to you later.
What? You're already on your way back? Can't wait to see Mikey? I'm repeating everything you're saying? Okay, bye.
Very cool.
We have to find Mikey before Scott gets here, or he'll never trust me again.
And not to mention something bad could happen to Mikey.
What? Oh, yeah.
That too.
(Giggles) (Gasps) choo.
Louie, you scared me.
You think I'm scary? Wait until you see what they've done to Frankie.
Ooh, pleated skirts.
Terrifying.
Have you seen that bowl of mints? Hello, mother.
Look at my perfect little lady.
I picked these just for you, mother.
You can call me mom.
Ooh, non-squirting flowers.
- They're beautiful.
- Just like you, mother.
Laying it on a little thick, aren't we? I've upset you.
That pains me.
Allow me to fetch you a mint.
You're right, Louie.
She's a zombie.
This is terrible.
What have they done to her? Who has she become? And how long does it take to fetch a mint? Where is that baby? Okay, Scott's going to be here any second, - and we can't find Mikey.
- Fine, plan b.
Turn yourself into an illusion of that kid, go home with Scott, age naturally over the next 20 years, and make sure no one ever touches you.
Is there a plan c? You're right, I'm a horrible person.
I lost a child.
Why didn't anybody tell me watching a two-year-old was hard? Seriously? (Giggling) That's him.
He's close.
Hey, Taylor.
Find Mikey.
Hey, Scott.
How'd it go? Little guy sleeping? Like a baby.
Don't want to wake him.
Oh, he's so cute when he sleeps.
Just a little peek I said, don't wake him! Until I hear all about the turtles.
Tell me about their Shells.
Uh, I have photos if you want to yay, let's focus on those.
This is me releasing the baby turtles back into the water.
Interesting.
It was a really special day.
When you are responsible for something so little and helpless, it feels wonderful to see him return home safely.
Last picture.
Last picture! Okay, Mikey.
Fly like a birdie.
Yes! The turtles have returned to the sea.
(Cooing and laughing) Hey, somebody decided to wake up.
He couldn't be happier.
Taylor, you're the best girlfriend ever.
Girlfriend? Is that okay with you? Yeah.
Mikey fly like birdie! - Did he just say? - Nope! Let's get this little guy home.
(Mikey cries) Scott, it's a baby.
You really need to be careful.
Excuse me, miss beauchamp? I don't mean to be impolite, but what have you done to my child? I did what you could not.
I turned her into a lady.
Pledge time.
(Blows whistle) We need to snap her out of this.
I miss that little girl who once shaved my eyebrows.
I already tried, but nothing worked.
(Whistle) All: A proper lady knows how to walk.
A proper lady knows how to talk.
You're her best friend.
What can you do to bring out the real Frankie? I got it! What does Frankie love more than anything? A good haunt.
(Electricity crackles) (Girls scream) Who is doing that? Show yourself! Don't mind if I do.
One scary spider coming up.
(Snaps fingers) That's not a spider, Louie.
Also, no one can see you, which is probably a good thing.
So I'm a ladybug.
I don't care.
No one messes with my friend and gets away with it.
(Gasps) Aah! Stop this now! This is awful.
This is terrible.
This is The coolest thing I've ever seen! (Laughs) Way to go, Louie! Yes! She's back! Are you behind this, francesca? Nope.
Got to give props to my best friend on this one.
And also, the name's Frankie.
Your daughter is a savage! Uh, mother, may I please? You hear that, butt chomp? She just said please.
(Screams) I hate children.
Louie, that was awesome.
Thanks.
And let's stick with Louis.
It kind of makes me sound important.
You got it, Louie.
Sweetie, I never should've sent you here.
You're not a proper lady, but who is? - Mom? - Yes, my pumpkin? The cops are coming we should motor.
(Rock music blasting) I'm going back to charm school.
- Me too.
- I'll drive.