The Proud Family (2001) s02e13 Episode Script

Whoo, child, home at last.
Now I can get off my feet
and just relax.
(gasps)
(children laughing)
(noisy chewing)
(loud slurping)
That’s a good one.
Oscar, what is going on here?!
A historic event, Trudy.
The marriage of the world’s
two greatest flavors
strawberries and pork rinds.
Want to try it?
(screaming)
No!
The Proud Family ♪
What? You and me
will always be tight ♪
Family, every single day
and night ♪
Even when you start
acting like a fool ♪
You know I’m loving
every single thing you do ♪
I know that I can
always be myself ♪
I love you more
than anybody else ♪
And every day
as I’m heading off to school ♪
You know there’s no one
I love as much as you ♪
Family, a family ♪
Proud Family ♪
They’ll make you scream ♪
-(doorbell rings)
-They’ll make you want to sing ♪
It’s a family thing,
a family ♪
Proud, Proud Family ♪
The Proud Family ♪
They’ll push your buttons ♪
And make you want
to hug them ♪
Family, a family,
Proud, Proud Family. ♪
Ye-ouch!
(giggling)
What is this?
Could be a grape,
or something Puff left.
Ew!
Oscar, I can’t do this anymore.
I think we need
professional help.
Trudy, I’m not going
to marriage counseling.
We can work things out
on our own.
(sobbing)
Please don’t leave me!
Oscar, I’m talking about
hiring a housekeeper.
Oh. We can’t afford
a housekeeper.
I can.
Oh, here we go again.
It’s not my fault
the snack business is hurting.
But mark my word
pork is on the way back.
Oscar, stay with me now.
I have to hire someone especially
since I’m going to be leaving soon.
I said we’d work things out, baby.
Please don’t leave me.
-I’ll change I’ll
-Relax, baby.
I’m only going away for a week.
My veterinarian convention
is coming up soon, remember?
Of course I do. It’s just that I
I can’t stand the thought of
being away from you for one minute.
And I can’t stand the thought of
what this place is going to look like
the minute I leave.
-Leave?!
-Oscar, I’ve already made up my mind.
I’m going to hire
a full-time housekeeper
to look after you,
the kids, and my house.
I just can’t do it
by myself anymore.
Come on, Trudy,
what would a housekeeper
do around here anyway?
Ow!
(laughing)
-Okay, call the agency.
-I already did.
They’re sending over candidates
for us to interview.
(laughing)
It says here that you were
a prison guard
for the last five years.
That’s right. I like to run a
house like I run the big house.
You make a mess, you clean up a mess.
The children will get
three hots and a cot
and I don’t believe
in time-outs
just hard time.
Next.
I don’t believe
in setting boundaries.
Yeah, children should be able
to, like, do whatever they want.
You know, stay out as late
as they wish, you know?
Saying "no" just like
stifles their life force.
Ooh, I like where
he’s coming from.
Next.
Oh, being a housekeeper
would be fantastic.
I don’t need cleaning tools.
I’ll just pick up your house
and shake it clean.
I’ll demonstrate.
(loud crash)
(yelling)
(Trudy)
Next.
Your resume is very impressive.
Thank you. I just love kids.
I love keeping a clean house.
I love cooking
and I love you.
(crazy laughter)
(cackling)
Do you love me?
(speaking backwards)
Next.
I didn’t think
it would be this hard.
We’ve seen dozens of people,
but nobody is right.
That’s because no one is
good enough for you, Trudy.
Your standards are
way too high.
I just want
someone who’s perfect.
Is that too much to ask?
(Suga Mama)
Oh, come on, Trudy.
You settled when you got married.
Why can’t you settle now?
Yeah. Mama’s right.
Hey, wait a minute.
I can’t leave my family
with just anyone.
Okay, okay, I’ll do it,
but it’s going to cost you.
And I don’t work Wednesdays,
Thursdays and weekends
only half days on Mondays
and Tuesdays
and I don’t do windows, dishes,
cooking or cleaning.
Suga Mama,
that’s what you do now for free.
Well, if I was getting paid,
I’d do it better.
It looks like she’s got us
over the barrel, Trudy.
So, when can you start?
No.
Look, I’ll just have to cancel my trip.
We’ll never find anybody in time.
-(doorbell ringing)
-Come on, Trudy, just pick one.
Forget about trying to find
the perfect person.
The prison guard was rough, but
the twins could use a little discipline.
(yelling)
(gasps)
You’re hired.
See ya, Trudy. Have a nice trip.
Not so fast, Oscar.
And close your mouth.
Ouch!
So what experience
do you have with children?
Well, I raised four
brothers and sisters.
-You’re hired.
-Not yet, Oscar.
And I also have a degree
in child psychology.
Child psychology?
Ooh, now Oscar can finally
get the help he needs.
You’re hired.
Child care is just
a part of the job.
The other part is cleaning the house.
Ooh, I love cleaning.
I’m love it almost as much
as I love watching football and wrestling.
(Oscar and Suga Mama)
You’re hired.
Not yet.
What about cooking? My family’s
nutrition is very important.
No problem.
I studied in France to be a chef
for both traditional cuisine
and macrobiotic.
Nice try, Trudy,
but you can’t stump her.
I’m still not sure.
Trudy, can I talk
to you for a minute?
Excuse us, Rene.
What’s the matter with you?
This woman is perfect.
I agree she has some good qualities,
-but I’m still skeptical
-About what?
I’m worried that
the kids won’t like her.
You know the twins
don’t take to everybody.
(all laughing)
Mom, you are not
going to believe this.
Rene says she’s going
to show me some dance steps.
She even toured with J Lo.
She is so cool.
All right, all right.
She’s hired.
Okay, Oscar, it’s time
for me to go.
Now, I made a list of a few numbers
you might need.
9-1-1? The FBI?
Johnny Cochran? What do you
think is going to happen?
Better safe than sorry, baby.
Also, don’t hesitate to call me
at the convention.
I can be home
in a flash.
Mom, you have to help me
with my math.
My teacher says
I’m falling behind in algebra.
Oh, Mommy doesn’t have
time for that right now, baby.
Perhaps your father
can help you.
Ha! You might as well ask Puff
to help you.
At least he’s got
four paws to count on.
Let me see that, Penny.
"If train ’A’ leaves
the station in L.A.,
traveling at 40 miles an hour,
and train ’B’ leaves the station
at the same time
from San Francisco,
traveling on the same track
at twice the speed of train ’A’
where will they meet?"
Ha, that’s easy.
They’ll meet at the crash site
because that’s what’s gon’ happen
if they're on the same track.
Mom!
Well, that settles it
I’m not going.
This family is going
to fall apart without me.
Rene is late anyway.
You told her to be here at 8:00.
Well, it’s 8:00
right now.
(doorbell ringing)
Right on time.
Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Proud.
-Hello, Rene.
-Enjoy your trip, Mrs. Proud.
And don’t worry,
I’ll take care of everything.
You hear that, Trudy?
You have nothing
to worry about.
Now, go on and enjoy
your convention
and when you get there, hand out
some of my snacks and business cards.
Pet people have to eat, too.
-(twins crying)
-Oh, my babies!
I can’t go, Oscar.
They need me.
(laughing)
See? Rene’s got
everything under control.
Now, go and enjoy yourself.
Everything’s going to be just fine.
Airport, please.
Going on vacation?
Convention.
(chuckles)
Same thing, isn’t it?
You know, you’re right.
I need to relax.
I don’t know why I’m so worried.
(Oscar)
Trudy!
Where’s the remote?!
Here we have a family of bears
in their natural habitat.
All seems well with the bear
family until the mother bear
leaves the den to
gather food.
Look what happens to the bear
family after the mama bear
has been gone
for a few days.
Even though mama bear
has hired a housekeeper bear,
she was of no help.
With the mama bear gone,
in less than two days,
this once happy bear family
is on the brink of extinction.
(gasps)
My babies!
My babies!
(answering machine) Hi. We’re not in
right now so please leave a message.
Hi, we’re the Proud family,
and we’re still not here.
We’re still not here ♪
(tires squealing)
Okay, lady,
home, sweet home.
Thanks, and don’t worry,
I’ll pay the speeding ticket.
-Hey, lady.
-Yeah?
-How’s about paying me, huh?
-Sorry.
Oscar! Penny! Suga Mama!
Oh, look at this place.
It’s absolutely spotless.
(laughing)
Hello.
Who is that?
-(Oscar) She looks familiar.
-Very funny, you guys.
It’s me, Trudy.
Trudy? I thought you were
going to be gone for a week.
I ended my trip early.
I was worried about you guys.
I been calling for days
and no one’s answered.
That’s ’cause we’ve been out every night
having a good time.
Rene is amazing.
She stepped right in and took over.
It was like you never left.
Stop joking.
I know my babies missed Mommy.
(babies wailing)
(sniffing)
(growling)
(Rene)
They’re just a little cranky.
We’ve been
at the amusement park all day.
All day?
Oscar, what has been
going on here?
Nothing, baby. We’re fine.
-Really?
-Really, Mom.
Rene has been great.
She even helped me
with my algebra.
She helped me with my
strawberry pork rind recipe.
-Want a taste?
-Oscar, I do not
Mmm. It’s good.
And she gave me a pedicure.
You want to see?
No. No, no, Suga Mama
Whoa.
They’re beautiful.
Yeah, they are. Took a couple of days,
and I’m a half inch shorter,
but it sure was worth it.
So go back and enjoy
your convention, baby. We’re okay.
No, I couldn’t keep my mind
on anything anyway.
I missed you guys too much.
(Oscar) And we missed you, too.
Didn’t we, family?
Oh, yeah, sho’ ’nuff.
Oh, yes, we, we missed you, yeah.
Well, I hope you got
your singing voice, baby,
-’cause we’re going out.
-Going out?
Yeah. Rene is taking us
to the Wizard’s
Wings ’n’ Sings, y’all.
It’s a karaoke restaurant.
Yeah, you can sing like a bird
and eat one, too.
Don’t you think the family
has had enough fun today?
Aren’t you guys tired?
Of having fun?
You kidding, right?
Look guys,
it has been a long day
and I’m sure
your mother is exhausted
so, say good night
to your mom.
Let’s go out
and get this party started! ♪
Slow down, Pink.
I’m coming out, too.
Uh-oh, kids.
Now you’re going to see
why I fell in love
with your mom.
Baby can blow.
(electric blues playing)
-Ooh ♪
-What you want! ♪
-Ooh ♪
-Baby I got ♪
-Ooh ♪
-What you need ♪
-Ooh ♪
-You know I got it ♪
-Ooh ♪
-All I’m askin’ ♪
Is for a little respect ♪
-When you come home ♪
-Just a little bit ♪
She’s great, isn’t she?
She sings just like Aretha.
-Hmm.
-Just a little bit ♪
-Mister! ♪
-Just a little bit ♪
I ain’t gonna do you wrong ♪
While you’re gone ♪
-Ain’t gonna do you wrong ♪
-Ooh ♪
-’Cause I don’t wanna ♪
-Ooh ♪
-All I’m askin’ ♪
-Ooh ♪
Is for a little respect
when you come home ♪
Just a little bit ♪
-Baby! ♪
-Just a little bit ♪
When you come home ♪
Just a little bit ♪
R-E-S-P-E-C-T ♪
Find out what
it means to me ♪
R-E-S-P-E-C-T ♪
Take care, TCB ♪
Sock it to me, sock it
to me, sock it to me ♪
Come on, Trudy,
show ’em what you can do.
(coughing)
I think I’ve got laryngitis.
That trip really took a lot out of me.
I think I want to go home now.
(laughing)
(applause, cheers)
(bell ringing)
Sorry I’m late, Mrs. Baxter.
My alarm clock just didn’t go off.
Rene?
What are you doing here?
Well, I thought you needed your rest
so I let you sleep in.
Well, when I last checked,
I was Penny’s parent
so if you don’t mind
I’d like to talk to
Mrs. Baxter about
Penny’s problems in math.
Well, thanks to Rene
Penny doesn’t have any
problems in math anymore.
Since she’s been tutoring Penny,
her grades have shot up.
I have never seen
such quick improvement.
Oh, I wish all my kids
had a parent like you, Rene.
She’s not Penny’s parent!
I’m sorry, and you are?
(kids laughing)
First and goal.
Ah, that’s right.
When my teams scores
I want my money, Suga Mama.
Oh, no way, Jose.
Your team’s offense
is just like you weak.
Don’t be so sure, Suga Mama.
Their offense is number one
for scoring in the red zone.
Touchdown!
In your face, Mama.
-(loud thud)
-(gasping)
Come on, old lady,
give it on up.
Ah-ha!
-Rene is your name.
-I said, uh, uh, uh-uh, uh-uh-uh. ♪
(Oscar)
That’s how it is.
-(gasps)
-(Rene) "And the wolf said,
’Little pig, little pig,
let me come in.’
And the little pig said,
'No, no, no.
I won’t let you come in,
not by the hair
of my chinny-chin-chin.’"
Trudy, what are you doing?
You don’t have to wash dishes anymore.
That’s why we hired Rene.
But, Oscar,
I just want to feel useful.
Well, looking for something to do,
you could work on my bunion.
I want to feel useful, not nauseous.
Just relax and let Rene do her job.
Yeah, might as well
get your money’s worth.
Heck, you’re the one
paying her salary.
(doorbell rings)
(vacuum running)
(doorbell rings)
(grunting)
Hey, Rene.
(both laughing)
¿Ay, chica, como estas?
That recipe you gave me
was great, girlfriend.
Ah, te gustaste.
(both laughing)
Excuse me.
Oh, I’m sorry.
I didn’t know
that you had company.
Sunset, it’s me, Trudy.
Trudy?
Trudy! Oh, I didn’t recognize you.
You changed your hair or something.
So, when did you get back?
So when’d you and Rene
get so tight?
Oh, we’re not tight.
I barely know the woman.
(speaking Spanish) So are we still on
for lunch tomorrow?
Of course. I found
this nice Ethiopian place.
-My treat.
-No, it's my treat.
No, it's my treat.
Okay, it's your treat.
(laughing)
If you’ll excuse me,
I’ve got dinner to prepare.
What was that all about?
Oh, nothing.
Just a little joke between strangers.
What’s wrong?
I think your new best friend
is trying to steal my family.
Trudy, oh, I almost forgot.
Do you have any requests for dinner?
French, Asian, Moroccan?
You choose.
Then Moroccan it is.
-See what I mean?
-No.
Nobody’s that perfect.
(mockingly)
"French, Asian, Moroccan."
She must be up to something
and I’m going to find out what it is.
Well, let me know
what you find out.
Oh, you’ll be the first to know
because you’re coming with me.
Well, can it wait until after dinner
because Moroccan is my favorite?
(grunts)
(Sunset)
Trudy, I don’t feel right.
(Trudy) Then you shouldn’t
have stuffed your face
with so much
Moroccan food last night.
Hey, the Moroccan
was rockin’, okay?
I’m talking about
spying on Rene.
Aren’t you the one
who said the only way
to know about a person’s
dirty laundry
is to hide in their hamper?
Nah, I didn’t say that.
-You got that out of a bad fortune cookie.
-Just be quiet.
-(grunting)
-I don’t believe it.
She’s robbing that old man.
(grunting, spits)
Oh, thank you, miss.
You saved my life.
I was choking on my teeth.
You are a saint, you are.
Mm, don’t worry.
I’m sure we’ll catch her
at something.
(gasping)
-(horns honking)
-(screaming)
(meowing)
Come on, stop that.
Take that.
(cheering)
Face it, Trudy.
The woman is an angel.
We ought to check
her back for wings.
You’re right, she is an angel.
And there’s only one thing
to do with an angel.
(snoring)
Oscar, we’re going
to have to let Rene go.
Are you crazy?
Why would you want to do that?
Because she’s perfect.
I thought you wanted
someone perfect.
I thought I did, too,
but now I hate it.
Since she’s been working for us,
no one needs me anymore.
I feel pushed aside, forgotten.
That’s not true
um, um, don’t tell me.
-Uh, um
-Trudy!
-Rhymes with "Trudy," uh Judy.
-It’s Trudy.
Trudy. Oh, right, you’re right.
Okay, okay, I see your point.
Go ahead and tell the agency
you’re letting her go.
But the kids and Suga Mama
are really going to hate you for his.
No they won’t.
I’ll just tell them the honest truth.
-And what’s that?
-That you fired her.
Hey!
-(glass breaking)
-(whimpering)
First, I just want to say thank you
for sending us Rene.
She’s been wonderful
and the kids love her, but
But you want to let her go
because she’s too perfect.
How did you know?
Oh, we get this a lot
with Rene.
There’s something about
living with a real live saint
that just gets on people’s nerves.
Could you tell her I’m sorry?
Oh, don’t worry about her.
She’s only doing housekeeping
until her trust fund kicks in.
She’s filthy rich, you know?
-Then I don’t feel so bad.
-You should.
Your kids, your husband,
your best friend are going to hate you.
We call it "The Rene Syndrome."
The only way to fix it is to
bring in somebody so bad
that you end up looking great.
No, thank you.
I think I’ll clean up this mess
on my own.
Well here goes nothing.
(growling)
(snoring)
Mom, you’re home.
Mama, what’s for dinner?
Pizza. I called
on the way home.
-(crashing)
-Trudy, where’s the spatula?
Top right-hand drawer.
Thanks. Oh, an don’t go
into the kitchen.
I’m working on
a top secret recipe.
Chocolate flavored
pork rinds?
-Who told you?
-A wild guess.
(bawling)
(sniffing)
Huh?
(grunting)
Help me!
-Somebody!
-(exploding)
(growling)
(screaming)
It’s good to be home.
(screaming)