What I Like About You (2002) s02e13 Episode Script

Okay, are you sure the messenger place is sending Vince? Oh, yeah.
I told them Holly hasn't seen Vince since Vince found out Holly loves him, and now she's desperate to know how he feels about her, so they just have to send Vince.
Lauren made a funny.
Don't you think this seems a little desperate, sending a fake package just so I can see Vince? - Do you want to know how Vince feels about you? - Yeah.
So when he comes to the door, we'll know.
How will you know? Oh, by the smell.
I can smell love in the air.
I've only been wrong once, and that was right after my 16th birthday, when I had a nose -- accident.
You guys, the most disgusting thing just happened to me on the subway.
What? A man showed it to me.
Showed you what? II don't get it.
You think I am such a prude.
He showed me his doodle.
There, are you happy? What is this? Speedy Courier? Lauren, I told you, we can't afford to messenger packages anymore.
- It's my package.
- Yours? Yeah, okay? It's a fake package, and we're sending a fake package to get Vince to come over, okay? Go ahead -- yell at me.
Tell me I'm stupid.
Tell me that Vince is all wrong for me.
Tell me that this is a dumb plan, and tell me that I'm wasting all my time.
You know what? Cancel everything.
The Vince plan is off.
[ knock on door .]
Oh, my God, that's Vince.
The Vince plan is back on.
Get the package, answer the door, and stop yelling at me.
Okay, wait.
[ blows nose .]
Okay, I'm ready now.
Oh, look -- Vince.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- How you been? - Good.
You? - Good.
Anything coming back? - No.
- Cool.
I'll see you.
- Okay.
I'm getting married.
Uh-huh What I like about you You really know how to dance When you go up, down, jump around Talk about true romance Yeah Keep on whispering in my ear Tell me all the things that I wanna hear 'Cause it's true What I like That's what I like about you What I like That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you Hey! You know, maybe it's good if I don't have a boyfriend right now.
I mean, is it really healthy to jump from one relationship to another? No, it's not.
And when you don't have a boyfriend, it gives you a lot of time to get to know yourself.
Mm, believe me, when I don't have a boyfriend, I get to know myself pretty well.
Why are you so bummed out? Vince was clearly all over you.
Are you on crack? Maybe this is not such a bad thing after all.
When I was in college, I was crazy about a guy who was a lot like Vince.
I loved him.
So did every girl on campus.
And he loved every girl.
I mean, he loved them.
You know what I'm saying? He had sex with them? I just don't want you to get hurt.
[ telephone rings .]
Hang on.
Hello? Yes, it is.
What? Oh, my God.
Is he okay? Well, thanks for calling.
What? What? That was Vince's dispatcher.
A cab just hit his bike.
Oh, my God.
Is he okay? He's pretty banged up.
We should go.
It's all my fault.
He was delivering my stupid fake package.
Oh, honey, I am so sorry, but if, God forbid, anything should happen to that boy, you tell the cops the fake package was Tina's idea.
- Lauren.
- I cannot go back to jail.
Oh, my God.
I killed him.
I killed Vince.
Oh, no, you didn't kill him.
He waved.
Yeah, but that could be nerve damage.
You know, when you cut a worm in half, both ends are like Stop it.
Hey, I got your message.
How's he doing? I killed him, Gary.
Or he's okay.
We're still waiting.
Oh, here comes the nurse.
Hey, how's he doing? He's fine.
Just a couple of stitches, and he has a concussion.
Concussion? He has a concussion? Oh, my God.
That's a bruised brain.
Damn.
Oh, that's my boy.
That's my heart.
Are you Gary? Why, yes.
Yes, I am.
And who might you be? The nurse.
Vince wants to see you.
By "Vince," do you mean you? And by "see me," do you mean you want to take me to dinner? That sounds lovely, and by that, I mean ew, no.
Gary -- why did he want to see Gary first? No, don't start reading things into that.
It could mean anything.
Exactly.
For instance, he might need some help with the pee-pee.
[ sighs .]
Are you going to be okay? I have to get back home and fax something by the end of the day.
Yeah, go ahead.
You know, I better go with her.
[ whispers .]
Sick people make me want to vomit.
Oh, hello.
You girls are here for Vince, right? Yeah, but I'm not dating him.
Yeah, is he okay? Yeah, yeah, he's fine, but we do need to keep him in the hospital overnight.
Because of the concussion, he needs to stay awake.
But it certainly looks like he has enough friends around to help out.
Okay, Val, you better get going now.
Huh? Fax.
Faxola.
Fax-o-rama.
Just the fax, ma'am.
Right.
You know, I've been thinking -- I really want to give you more responsibility with the company, so you go fax.
Well, actually, uh, I broke the fax machine this afternoon when I dropped the fake package on it, so I think I'll stay.
I thought you said sick people made you want to vomit.
No, I love them.
[ retches .]
Ooh.
Ugh.
Ooh.
So I walked outside the club with her, okay? 'Cause it was all loud inside with the music and everything.
And then they were playing, like, this song that was like "bang, bang, bang-bang-bang-bang-bang" -- Gary, Gary.
I know you're supposed to keep me awake, but concussion.
Oh, sorry, dude.
Look, II got to talk to you.
Sure.
What's up? I kind of need your help with something.
Aw, damn.
You got to pee? It's about Holly, and it's kind of -- you can't say anything, okay? No, no, no.
Dude, listen.
You can't tell me.
I got into too much trouble from knowing too much stuff about too many things -- Holly's feelings, Henry's feelings.
Look, just tell me what it was like being hit by a car.
I've always wondered what it'd be like being hit by a car.
All right.
I picked up the package, I got hit by the cab, and the last thing I saw before the lights went out was Holly's face.
No.
No, no, no, no.
That was a Holly story.
That was about Holly.
I definitely think it means something, because even before the accident, I started to have these feelings.
Feelings.
Now you got feelings.
I told you -- no feelings.
Take it easy.
I can't do anything about it anyway because I told Henry I wouldn't go there.
Can I? Okay, look -- I'm going to say this one last time, and then we're never going to talk about it again, okay? You told Henry you wouldn't go there.
Maybe you shouldn't go there, man.
Yeah.
Look, II know you're right.
Besides, so what if I saw her face? It doesn't mean anything.
I also saw my baseball glove, my gross Uncle Ruben, and an unfamiliar cat.
But then again, man -- No, no.
Don't you need help peeing or something? Please.
Maybe I should just let Holly make her own mistakes, you know? I mean, I went through it, and I turned out okay.
Let me just tell you something.
I wish I had a sister as wonderful -- Hi, Dr.
Turner.
Hi, Dr.
Turner.
Hi more, Dr.
Turner.
You girls are still here, huh? Yeah, actually, we were about to leave, but then I saw you talking to that patient, and I became very concerned.
I was more concerned.
Oh, well, you don't have to worry.
He's just having a very small procedure.
Well, what kind of procedure? Oh, well, that guy has a sebaceous cyst on his back that has begun to leak.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Leakin'.
Yeah, yeah, you see, there's this sac that fills up with pus, and I have to drain it and pull that sac out.
[ gags .]
Uh-huh.
Um, excuse me.
Lauren, you going to be okay over there? I know how the doctor stuff makes you ill.
The toughest part is the smell.
[ groans .]
Dude.
You're supposed to be keeping me awake.
[ knock on door .]
Hey.
Hey.
- How are you feeling? - A little better.
Good.
I bought you some stuff from the gift shop.
I got you a toothbrush, some film, and a little personalized license plate.
"Mike"? Oh, all the good stuff was gone.
Apparently, there was a big bus accident.
Ahem.
- Listen, I have something to tell you.
- Okay.
Um The package that you picked up -- it was a fake, and I feel sick about it, because if it weren't for m -- Tina, then you wouldn't be here.
Tina.
Yeah, well, the truth is, I hadn't seen you since the whole thing with Henry happened, and I just wanted to make sure that we're still friends.
Friends.
Hell yeah.
Ha.
We're great friends.
Yeah.
Okay, good.
Just, you know, 'cause I didn't want to lose you as a friend.
No way.
Never happen.
Okay, well, good.
I'm going to get going.
Uh, is there anything else that you need? Well, Gary took my pillow.
Oh, yeah.
Great.
That's perfect.
My hand is stuck.
Oh, my God.
That was bad.
That was really bad.
Well, you took me by surprise.
Usually my lips are way looser.
No, no.
That was great.
That was fantastic.
But Henry.
Henry? What about Henry? After you and Henry broke up, I told him I would never go there with you.
Yeah, well, you know, I can see how that would be hard.
But I did get whacked in the head today, so maybe I don't remember telling him that.
I got to talk to him.
No, I don't know.
No, Henry's a friend, but I got hit by a cab today, and I could have died.
I never would have gotten to kiss you.
Twice.
[ yawns .]
Holly.
When did you -- Did I fall asleep? Oh, I must have been fast asleep.
I was so asleep, I had a dream I was sleeping.
I didn't hear nothing.
You're only supposed to have one visitor at a time.
You stay.
I had a dream about you.
Ooh.
You know, I've just been reflecting on my life, and I realize that I have nothing.
You have brains and beauty.
You know, why shouldn't you have a doctor boyfriend, too? That way, it's even.
You have everything, and I have nothing.
Okay.
Yeah, you should get going.
Nobody likes a sad sack.
I want a doctor.
I've wanted one since I was a little girl.
Lauren, that is so shallow.
Oh, and you don't want a doctor? I don't care what the man does.
I am attracted to him for his warm smile and gentle sense of humor.
Mm-hmm.
Which part did you find more amusing, the pus sac or the leakage? All of it.
The whole stinking mess was just hilarious.
All right, you know what? That's it.
I am pulling out the big guns.
I'm heading to the ladies', and I'm going to pretty myself up.
Oh.
[ gags .]
Oh, my God, Val! [ squeals .]
What, what, what? You're not going to believe what happened.
- Is Vince okay? - Yes, he's unbelievable.
We kissed.
My hand got stuck under his pillow, we locked eyes, and then bam -- it happened.
Huh.
Oh, God, what have you done? What -- what do you mean? What do you mean, what have I done? I kissed Vince, and it was unbelievable.
It was fantastic.
It was perfect, and it was exactly the way I imagined it, except for the fact that we were in a hospital and not Paris, but other than that, whoo! I know you're not going to like this, but I'm really worried about this thing with you and Vince.
Why do you hate happy Holly? I don't.
I want you to be happy, okay? I just -- I know -- You know, stop it.
I think I know him better than you, and the way that he kissed me, and the way that he looked at me, I know that he feels the same way about me, and if you would have been there, you would have known.
It would have been weird, but at least you would have known.
Holly -- [ laughing .]
Let me help you out.
I'm not listening to what you say anyway.
Thank you.
Henry.
Hey, man.
W-what are you -- I heard about Vince.
What'd you hear? 'Cause I didn't hear anything -- nothing.
Where is he? I want to talk to him.
Talk to him? Well, after the whole thing with Holly, II thought you'd want to stay away from the guy.
No, man, you know I've been doing a lot of thinking about it, and it wasn't his fault that Holly had feelings for him.
And when that whole thing happened, he even told me that he would stay away from her.
Yeah, well, what's so hard about that? I mean, he doesn't like her.
I've seen no evidence of it.
I'm just saying that, you know, he's a stand-up guy, and just between you and me, I'm glad that he did, because, uh I still got feelings for her.
Feelings.
More feelings.
So where is he? In here? Uh, yeah, but, you know, he's only allowed one visitor at a time, and I'm in there.
Oh, no.
Oh, God.
Did he die? Oh, please, lord.
They needed another x-ray.
He'll be back in a couple of minutes.
Oh, okay, well, listen, there was a girl hanging out and holding him, right? - Did you see her? - Cafeteria.
Thank you.
You're hot.
Hey, Henry, by any chance, do you have a "Sports Illustrated" on you? - Which week? - Any week.
- No.
- Damn.
You know what? Vince really wants that real bad, and I got everything but that, but I got to go down to the cafeteria and get him some chili cheese fries, so -- Oh, yeah, I'm on it.
All right.
Ha ha ha ha.
[ all laughing .]
Oh, my God, are you serious? They were taking the placebo, and they had no idea.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha, you sure tricked them.
Ha ha.
Oh, man, it was beautiful.
Oh, if you like that, I got to tell you about this time in med school when I put a cornea in my roommate's martini.
"What -- aah!" Ha ha ha ha ha.
Oh, my God, I was a nut.
[ pager beeps .]
Oh, hey, what's that? Is that a Code Blue? Mm too late for a Code Blue.
I lost this one.
- Oh, no.
- Oh, my God.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Oh, that bit never gets old.
Ha ha ha ha.
I told you Vince loves you.
I am so good at this.
I always know who loves who.
So how'd he kiss? I know it was good.
I always know who kisses good.
Oh, my God.
It was amazing.
I saw everything -- everything.
I know you kissed Vince, I know he likes you, I know he promised Henry he wouldn't go there, but now he wants to go there, and he's about to tell Henry, but he can't.
Okay, what are you talking about? Henry is not over you.
If he finds out you and Vince want to hook up, it'll kill him.
You can't do this to the guy.
He's not ready.
Okay, okay, calm down.
Nothing's happened.
Vince hasn't talked to Henry.
Henry is here.
What? Look, he came to see Vince, but Vince had to go and get an x-ray, so we bought a little time.
[ gasps .]
What if Vince tells him? Ooh, I didn't think of that.
Why do you think I've been running around this hospital like a chicken with my head cut off? Okay, come on.
Let's go.
Y'all go ahead.
I'm tired.
Come on.
Hey, remember back when I was going to fight you for Dr.
Turner? Well, your friendship means too much to me.
I love you, Valerie.
He nauseates me.
I know.
I timed that placebo story.
It was eight minutes with no payoff.
Well, it was better than the perforated bowel on the subway story.
You know, why does everybody want to date a doctor? I don't know.
I'm cured of that.
- Me too.
- Yeah.
Hey, uh, Lauren, I get off in about a half an hour.
I was wondering if you'd like to join me for dinner.
I would be honored, Doctor.
Okay, I am going to go to the room and see if Vince is back, and you keep an eye out for Henry, okay? I see him.
Hey.
Hi.
So you saw Vince, huh? Yeah, we, uh, had a little talk.
You talked? You know he has a concussion, and he's been talking crazy.
I mean, I was in there earlier, and he thought I was Morgan Freeman.
Well, uh, he seemed pretty clear to me.
Henry, I am so sorry.
About what? Well, I should have told you.
I shouldn't have let Vince tell you.
At least I should have been there.
Tell me what? What? Vince tell me what? Vince? What are you talking about? Are you okay? I've got to go.
Uh, Gary, I'll see you later? - I'll call you.
- All right.
Henry.
It was nice seeing you again.
You off? Yep.
Dinner? Nope.
Breakfast it is.
[ knock on door .]
Hey.
Hey.
I just saw Henry.
I know you didn't say anything to him.
I couldn't.
No, I'm glad.
I mean, I've hurt him enough already.
The last thing I want to do is -- Me too.
I mean, Henry's a good guy, and he's so not over you.
Mm.
I can't really blame him.
But Yeah, but.
Well, maybe after some time.
Yeah.
Time.
You think it's been enough time? Hey.
What are you still doing here? I had a weird feeling you might need me.
How's Vince? I think you're going to be very happy.
Nothing's going to happen with us -- at least not for a while.
Why? Because he's a really, really good guy, and neither one of us wants to hurt Henry.
So what are you going to do? I don't know.
I guess just keep being friends, and then -- And that is when you break out the colostomy bag.
Okay, um, what do you do for your patients who are, like, so ready to vomit? Ooh, that reminds me.
I got to go check on a patient who's been coughing up massive amounts of yellow phlegm.
Okay, sweetie.
Can we just save that for dinner tonight? You got it.
Okay.
Ha ha.
Hey, Holly, I got me a doctor.
Ooh.