Adam Ruins Everything (2015) s02e14 Episode Script

1 (THUNDER CRASHING) (WOLF HOWLING) (VOICE) Beware, it's Halloween.
A night of frights to make you scream.
Huzzah! Orson Welles has returned from a night of trick-or-treating and causing mass panic about the town.
(VOICE) Better watch out - Better watch out - Hello? Better watch out Better watch out Mom? Dad? Where is everybody? Hello? Someone needs to check my Halloween candy.
A stranger could've poisoned it, and I could totally die.
What was that? Grandpa? Are you haunting me? Are the dead coming back to life? (PHONE RINGING) (PHONE RINGING) (PHONE RINGING) Hello? Everything you're scared of on Halloween is wrong (CLICK, DIAL TONE) (DISTANT THUD) And I'm going to tell you about it.
(SCREAMING) An axe murderer! What? No, I'm a TV host.
Even worse.
Hi, I'm Adam Conover, and this is the "Adam Ruins Everything" Halloween Special! - (CACKLING) - (THUNDER CRASHES) (SCREAMING) (THUNDER CRASHES) Nice try, Stuart, but that blood puddle is not consistent with a stab wound in the back.
Oh, come on.
Halloween's not supposed to be accurate, it's supposed to be scary.
I got one goal tonight, and that's to be scared spitless.
So, if you're not gonna help, at least be an adult and check my candy.
It was probably poisoned by an evil stranger.
Hah! I would, but the idea that strangers are tampering with your candy is a straight-up urban myth.
I'll show you! I said scare me, not teach me! Americans seem to think there's an epidemic of crazy kooks contaminating candy.
Halloween is my Christmas! For randomly poisoning children, that is! (ADAM) As a result, parents treat Halloween like a major security event.
(BEEPING) Hold the line! - (RINGING) - We have an unwrapped treat here.
And it's no wonder, because the media repeats this terrifying tale over and over again.
(REPORTER) Disturbing warning for all parents, please check your children's Halloween candy.
(SECOND REPORTER) If the candy feels, smells, or looks weird, or has been opened, toss it.
(THIRD REPORTER) Parents can check the candy from the outside, of course, and it can also be checked from the inside.
So just take your candy in for free and have it x-rayed.
See? Strangers are out to kill me, and since I've survived the assassination attempts my entire life, that must mean I am immortal.
Nope! Aww.
This spooky story just isn't true.
There has never been a single documented report found of a stranger seriously harming a child by poisoning their Halloween candy.
Sounds like something a stranger would say.
- Well, I say it too.
- (SCREAMS) Ooh, now that was scary.
This is Joel Best.
He's a professor at the University of Delaware who's been studying reports of strangers tampering with candy for over 30 years.
Oh.
Less scary.
The tampered candy story has no basis in fact.
Two separate reports looked into claims of tampered candy and concluded that virtually all of them were hoaxes.
And, if a child were killed this way, it would be a major news story.
Yet I've never found any evidence of such a story being covered by major media.
The fact is, there is no evidence that any child has ever been killed or seriously hurt by tampered candy received from a stranger during trick-or-treating.
But why would everyone be scared for nothing? Well, this story plays into fears we already have.
Warnings about Halloween candy tend to be most acute during years when there's been a terrible crime or a shift in culture that heightens everyone's fears.
For instance, the Tylenol poisonings of 1982 caused fears of contaminated candy to spike, and after 9/11, people suddenly became nervous about trick-or-treating in large buildings like local malls.
Malls? What a boring place to be afraid of.
The poisoned candy story is a modern day fairy tale.
In olden times, when people were afraid of the forest, spooky stories were set in the deep, dark woods.
Today, our greatest fear seems to be of strangers, and since kids interact with strangers on Halloween, that's what our urban legends are about.
Thanks, Joel.
Wait, don't put the lid on, then my candle will go out! Right! Stranger danger.
Even if strangers aren't poisoning our candy, they still have unmarked vans.
Actually, our fear of strangers is way overblown.
Ugh! Only 1% of missing children in 2016 were abducted by a non-family-member, and the vast majority of offenders charged with crimes against children targeted a child they knew.
In fact, the only documented report of a kid actually dying from poisoned Halloween candy - (DOORBELL RINGING) - Trick or treat.
was when it was given to him by Here you are son.
- (THUNDER CRASHES) - his own father.
- Whoa.
- The fact is, there are threats to kids' safety out there that we need to be mindful of.
But our cultural fear of strangers is totally out of sync with the real risks.
You don't need to be afraid of your Halloween candy.
It's actually quite safe.
I don't want safe! The only reason I liked trick-or-treating was because it was scary.
Halloween is supposed to be terrifying.
Like when my hero, Orson Welles, terrorized the nation with his infamous "War of the Worlds" broadcast.
People were running in the streets, afraid for their lives! It was mass chaos! (CACKLING) Oh, none of those things actually happened.
Let me tell you about it.
Jeez Louise, you are the only person who uses mag be more boring.
(STATIC, INDISTINCT VOICES) Back to Orson Welles and the Mercury Theater in "War of the Worlds.
" Yes, my favorite! When Orson Welles first broadcast "The War of the Worlds" on the night before Halloween, 1938.
It told a terrifying story of a Martian invasion.
We know now that in the early years of the 20th century, this world was being watched closely by intelligences greater than man's.
(EERIE NOTE) The poisoned Martian smoke has reached Times Square! People are trying to run away from it, but it's no use! They're falling like flies.
(BOY) And the best part is, everyone bought it.
I'm confusing fantasy and reality.
Martians are real, and I'm terrified.
I'd better run out into the street and riot! The entire country descended into chaos, terrified by Orson Welles, my hero.
(ADAM) Yes, that's the story we've been told, but the spine-tingling truth is it never happened.
What? Adam, get out of my radio.
Tonight, A.
R.
E.
Radio Theater presents the true story of "The War of the Worlds.
" (EERIE NOTE) Yeah, radio makes sense for you.
You have the face for it.
Now, the story of the radio program that panicked a nation has been told for decades.
But there's very little evidence that any such panic actually occurred.
Our tale begins with the hair-raising fact that very few people even heard "The War of the Worlds," because it aired at the same time as one of the most popular radio shows in the country, ventriloquist Edgar Bergen's comedy hour.
Say hello, Charlie.
"Hello, Charlie.
" I like it cause he doesn't move his mouth.
I assume.
It is the radio.
Wow, people must've been really bored in the past.
In fact, a survey conducted that very night found that only 2% of Americans even heard "The War of the Worlds.
" (WHISTLING DOWN) Only 2%? Then why did everyone riot? Well, the fact is, we're not sure anyone actually did.
After the broadcast, newspapers did describe chaos in the streets.
Extry! Extry! "War of the Worlds" causes mass panic is what we'd like you to believe.
(SCREAMS) Riot! Aah! Did you hear the radio?! Yes, I heard the radio! But later eyewitness accounts said that cities were actually calm that night.
I don't know what he's talking about.
Those streets were emptier than my dance card on a Friday night.
(CRICKET CHIRPING) And there were no follow-up reports of any deaths or serious injuries.
It seemed that newspapers were just sensationalizing a few anecdotal accounts.
So, it was 1930s clickbait? Why would they make that up? Because these ink-stained wretches saw the radio as their competition.
The radio could report the news instantly.
So, it was a threat to the newspapers' business.
Here I am in the newsroom, ready to type my story about the Hindenburg crash, now to turn on the radio and get some background music.
Mommy! Ehrhrhr It's a home run! Ehrhrhr Ladies and gentlemen, a terrible tragedy, the Hindenburg has crashed, oh, the humanity! Ahh, scooped again by the radio.
We gotta find a way to make these Marconi maroons sound unreliable.
Think, think, think, think I got it! So newspapers seized on "The War of the Worlds" as an opportunity to discredit the radio.
They published anecdotal accounts of the few people who were fooled Hmm, my brother's boss's uncle said that he believed it.
I'll put that in the story.
And published anti-radio editorials.
(RECITING) (SCRAPE, DING) This manipulative myth was repeated again and again until Americans actually believed there had been a real mass panic.
My word, you can't trust anything you hear on the radio.
Are ventriloquists fake too? The public bought this story so thoroughly that decades later, when Orson Welles was on the radio during the Pearl Harbor attack, people thought he was faking that, too.
I am shocked to announce American forces have been attacked at Pearl Harbor.
Yeah, right, fool us once, Bore-son Smells.
Ahh, yes, see if I care.
I'm gonna get drunk and do commercials for peas.
That's not scary.
That's sad.
Orson, who are you? The irony is, the newspapers were actually right, the public really was at risk of being fooled by an unscrupulous media.
But it wasn't the radio.
The true villains were the newspapers themselves.
And that is the scariest story of all.
(CACKLING) No, it isn't.
The original story was way scarier.
That was just a lesson on journalism ethics.
I'm tired of lies and hoaxes.
I want something real on Halloween.
Something terrifying.
(STATIC CRACKLING) Okay, here's the deal.
I can talk to the dead, and I'm on TV.
Hold on, I'm feeling a presence.
It's Napoleon, he's says I'm for real.
Like her, people who can reach across dimensions and speak to the dead.
Now, that's scary.
Oh, mediums are the biggest hoaxes.
They don't talk to the dead at all.
I wish you couldn't talk to me.
Shut up, okay, welcome back to "The Jersey Shore-acle.
" I transcend dimensions, I speak to spirits, I live off Exit Nine off the turnpike.
So, today, I have been summoned to the home of an adorable little boy and his adult friend who he barely knows.
My name is Stuart, and I'm 12 years old.
I'd say I'm a pretty happy kid.
That is, until it showed up.
Its name is Adam, and he's making Halloween really not scary.
Eh.
So I'm hoping the Jersey Shore-acle can connect me with a dead relative.
Or a murderer.
Whichever's more terrifying.
Hello, it's so nice to meet you.
- Thank you for having me.
- I sensed you needed it, good, you sat down, okay, - we're gonna start this, are you ready? - Yeah.
All right, now before we start, I do have a couple of questions, okay? I need you to tell me That mediums are scammers who prey on your grief for money? What is this? It's in my contract no one can have bigger hair than me.
Adam, she's going to contact the dead for me.
It's an age-old tradition.
It sure is, a tradition of faking it and ripping people off.
Séances first became popular in America during the 19th century, when three young ladies named the Fox sisters started charging admission to watch them communicate with the dead.
If there be any ghosts in this room, may they knock.
(KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK) And if those ghosts think people should give us money, also knock.
- (KNOCKING) - (GASPS) As they grew up, the Fox sisters became bona-fide celebrities, touring and holding packed sessions multiple times a day.
Sorry, darling, we couldn't possibly fit you in, we're talking to Shakespeare and Attila the Hun at noon.
But later in life, Maggie Fox spilled the beans and revealed how they tricked their public, making knocking sounds using an apple on a string and writing secret messages with their feet.
I feel the spirit wait for it (ADAM) Despite Maggie's confession, the spiritualism movement continued to this day, and modern mediums still make bank.
Famous mediums even have best-selling books and hit TV shows.
Yes, TV shows that are totally real! That's right, the higher the hair, the closer to heaven, okay, enough chit-chat, let's start this reading.
Oh, yeah, I'm feeling something very powerful.
Oh, yeah, it's a presence.
Did you lose someone with a J name, like a John, a Jack, a Julia Yes, my grandpa's name was Jason.
Bam! That's it.
Okay oh, oh oh, I'm feeling a pain.
Oh, yeah, in my chestal area.
Is there any type of thing that happened in that region area? Yes, he he died of lung cancer.
Bada-bingo, what you think about that, Mr.
Everything, huh? Okay, so your grandfather's telling me, oh, something about a book, why? - Why? - Uh I think he owned a book.
- And I saw it once.
- That's it.
That's it.
He wants me to tell you he cherishes those moments, and he loves you.
Boom, shut up, I'm done.
That was amazing! How do you explain that? Simple, she was doing a cold reading.
Uh who this? You're not a spirit, I did not summon you.
Okay, can we cut? - (BELL RINGING) - This is Mark Edward.
He's a magician who went undercover as a psychic medium to research how they scam people.
I used to do everything she does for a living, and I can tell you exactly how it's done.
Cold reading is a series of questions and statements that mine you for information, without you even knowing it.
First, the medium lists common names to guess at a match.
And they start with just the initial so that you fill in the blank.
Oh.
Yeah.
I know tons of people with J names.
And lots of them are dead.
Mediums then offer details which sound specific but are actually quite generic.
Chest pains could be lung cancer, heart disease, or really anything.
No, no, I sensed that he died because of something in the chest.
Or the head.
Uh-huh? Definitely somewhere in the body.
Finally, she offered a question phrased like a statement to make you do the work and make a connection.
Honey, sugar, the book.
It was real, right? Actually, no.
Grandpa hated books.
Now that I'm thinking of it, I was thinking of his TV Guide.
By using questions that could apply to anyone and judging your body language to see how you respond, mediums manipulate you into thinking they know things nobody else could know.
And since they often work in group settings, if they don't get it right, they just move on to someone else in the room.
I mean, how about you, haircut? You know something about a book? No somebody here must know something about a book.
Ugh! Why did I ever buy this? Well, cold reading often seems supernatural because it's a truly amazing skill.
But that's all it is.
A really good magic trick.
And while there's nothing wrong with a little illusion, it is straight-up unethical to take advantage of other people's grief for your own gain.
I've even seen people lose their entire savings because a medium convinced them to hand it over.
You scammer! How do you even sleep at night? Okay, calm down.
Everyone just take a minute, close your eyes, okay, just imagine smoke or whatever.
Poof, I'm gone.
It's time for me to go, too.
Just kidding.
It's an editing trick.
Ugh! Nerds! I'm surrounded by nerds! I thought this was going to be the scariest Halloween ever, but apparently it's all a big fake! I want chaos! I want horror! I wanna be so terrified my hair turns white, and I pee my pants! I wanna be scared for real.
Well, be careful what you wish for, Stuart, because the truth is there's plenty to be scared of on Halloween.
- (THUNDER CRASHES) - (SCREAMING) Oh, wow, did that actually frighten you? No, I just realized you're gonna be here longer.
Don't enen try to scare me Adam, it won't work.
Strangers aren't poisoning candy.
No one can talk to the dead.
And Orson Welles didn't even make people panic with "The War of the Worlds.
" Nothing is scary, because everything's fake.
You're right, you don't need to be scared of any of that fake stuff.
Because the truth is, the real world is the scariest of all.
- What do you mean? - Think about it.
Even though there was no mass panic over a radio play, the story of "The War of the Worlds" shows how easily we can be manipulated to distrust others.
I lied to the public to slander my enemies, and they all believed me.
Ooh.
And, no, talking to ghosts isn't real, but you know what's even scarier? People who take advantage of our grief and trust for their own gain.
I turned your precious memories of your grandfather into cash, bada-bing, bada-Bruce-Springsteen.
Ugh, that's such a broad stereotype.
And remember that father who poisoned his own son's Halloween candy? Yes, why did he do it? For the insurance money.
See? We don't need to make up ghosts or aliens or creepy strangers to be afraid of.
The cruel things ordinary people do to each other are scary enough.
The real everyday world is darker and more sinister than anything you can imagine.
(THUNDER CRASHES) That's terrifying.
You're welcome.
And then he said that we can't talk to ghosts, and and strangers aren't evil, and in the past, everyone loved ventriloquists on the radio.
Oh, honey, I promise you, nobody likes ventriloquists.
Who was this guy again? His name was Adam.
He had big hair and and glasses.
A smile like an uncarved jack-o-lantern.
Wait did you meet Adam Conover? From "Adam Ruins Everything"? Yeah.
(THUNDER CRASHES) Stuart "Adam Ruins Everything" has been canceled for 50 years.
(THUNDER CRASHES) Aah! (DISTORTED CACKLING) Hello, everybody, I'm here on set on "Adam Ruins Everything," 'cause I got way more questions for Mark Edward, so we got to know more about this.
You are a magician, but you worked as a psychic.
Well, because my background is in magic, so I started to see what psychics and mediums were doing.
And I looked at them, and I knew that it was just a trick.
There was no metaphysical, spiritual thing going on.
So I was fascinated by why people would buy into it.
So, how are magic and psychics similar? How are the fields similar and different? Well, because it's a performance art.
Mmm.
The only difference is magic is props and colorful things.
Whereas psychics manipulate emotions.
A magician is in a venue, you know it's a show.
And when you leave, you know you've seen a performance of a magic show.
Mm-hmm.
But, for psychics, the stage show, or the show that you see, that is only a prerequisite to get in your wallet.
What they wanna do is they want you to see them perform and get all these incredible hits and be be correct so that they can get you, they say later, at the end of the show, "If you'd like a private reading, come and talk to my assistant.
" - Oh.
- Then they start to get a hook in you, because the people that come to them for a private reading afterwards, that's where the money is.
Now a lot of people say about mediums, they say, "Hey, they're not hurting anyone.
- Maybe they're helping those people.
" - Right.
"Maybe they're giving them closure " Sure.
"They're helping them come to terms with the death.
" What do you think about that? I think that usually the people that say that are not the ones that've been ripped off.
- Mmm.
- There are people who think they are seeing somebody be helped by it.
But most of the people who are bereaved and who are of loss or a murdered child or anything like that, they want any kind of information they can get so they're very vulnerable.
Right, 'cause if you don't want to accept that that person's gone from your life, and you can go to that psychic every week, and and they'll give you a new message from that person.
- That's right, that's right.
- You'll come back week after week.
And you have to remember, the more times you do it, the more that person has picked up on little telltale signs that allow them to make these psychological leaps, and then you hear my favorite phrase, which I've heard thousands of times, which is, "There is no way in the world he could've known that about me.
" They're selling hope.
It's just like a drug.
It's like an addiction.
You want more, you want more, little bits, they feed little bits, little bits.
The medium takes away that person's real chance to get over that and and grieve.
Is there any ethical way to be a psychic? If you find somebody you can sit down and talk to, and they can give you some advice I don't have a problem with that.
There are 5% of people out there who are compassionate, kind individuals, who really are just intuitive.
See? But when you balance the 5% against the 95% of all the scumbags, it's it's kind of like "buyer beware.
" I mean, I used to tell people that one of the things, when I was on the phone, is I messed around with the idea of throwing some skepticism into it.
Just to see if what people would say.
Hmm.
They would say, "I need some lotto numbers.
" And I'd say, okay, here's some lotto numbers.
And they're like, "Gee, thanks, thanks a lot.
" And then I'd say "I didn't say they were winning lotto numbers," - you know.
- (LAUGHING) And then I would say to them, I would say, look, if I could do this, why would I be talking to you, you know? Use some common sense.
That's all this is.
Well, thank you so much for coming on the show to talk to us about this, Mark.
Thank you for having me.
And thank you folks for watching.
We'll see you next time.