Becker s02e14 Episode Script

( upbeat blues theme playing ) Oh, yeah, I can do this.
I'd tell you, I'm feeling it, but, hell, I'm not even sweating.
I have it set on "Geriatric Downhill.
" Fine, smart ass, bring it on.
( machine beeping ) Oh, God, I'm gonna heave.
( panting ) Oh, jeez.
Oh, boy, I need a cigarette.
What kind of a moron are you? Oh, jeez.
John, if you don't make some lifestyle changes, you're gonna die.
Oh, cut the crap, Roger.
I'm not dying.
My tests showed slightly elevated cholesterol.
Yeah, and you know what that means.
Yeah, I'm filled with buttery goodness.
You know the drill: Reduce fat, cut out the cigarettes.
Those are my two favorite food groups.
And, above all, stress management.
When you feel yourself about to lose your temper, just take a deep breath and relax.
Oh, come on.
How am I supposed to relax? Margaret's nagging at me, my lawyer's bitching at me to change my will.
I got patients in my office, patients at the hospital, and now you're on my ass.
Deep breath, John.
We all have pressures.
If you do what I tell you, you'll probably live longer than anybody wants you to.
And you're gonna get some exercise.
What? Exercise too? Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays at 1:00, I go jogging.
No-- You're gonna come down here, you're gonna go with me.
Or I tell Margaret about your cholesterol.
No, don't-- Don't do that.
No, come on, she'd just "Mother Hen" me to death.
I know.
You know, how do you expect me to turn my entire life-- ( wheezing ) ( coughing ) Excuse me.
( hacking ) One o'clock? ( blues theme playing ) ( blues theme playing ) Good morning.
If you insist.
You okay? You look a little flushed.
I'm fine.
It's just warm outside, that's all.
( wind howling ) Weather must have taken a turn.
It's the ozone layer.
It's screwing up everything.
Oh, Margaret, uh, mark down on my calendar, will you, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, keep 1:00 open.
Why? Margaret, how's your sex life? That's none of your business.
Exactly.
Dr.
Becker, would you hold your finger here for a second? I'm making a bow.
Oh, for God's sake, Linda, I don't have-- ( sighs ) Deep breath.
All right.
Thanks.
It's a sweater for my friend, Gil.
He gets out of jail on Thursday, I wanted to get him something really nice.
But I didn't know whether to get him the red sweater or the blue sweater, so-- Could-- Could you hurry this up? Oh, okay.
( speaking quickly ): So I got the blue one because his eyes are blue-- No, no, no.
Just finish.
Then I returned the blue one for the red one-- Not-- Not the story.
The R-- Finish the ribbon! Oh, right.
Okay.
But don't move, I just gotta go get the scissors.
What? You're gonna be there for a while.
I hid the scissors yesterday when I caught her running with them.
What am I, an idiot? ( blues theme playing ) Hey, Reg, can I have a quick cup of coffee? Oh, yeah, in a sec.
Oh, I've been on hold with this shoe company for over an hour.
It's so frustrating.
I ordered a pair of shoes from their stupid catalogue, and when the package gets here, there's only one shoe inside.
I bet you're, uh, hopping mad.
( laughs ) Oh, that's great.
Everybody's funny.
( chuckling ) Hey, Reg.
Boy, am I starving.
Let me have a hamburger, some French fries, a-- Oh, wait, no, make that a fruit plate.
No, no, you know-- Yeah, fruit.
REGGIE: Damn it! How many times do I have to hear this recording? Uh, watch it.
She's hopping mad.
( laughs ) You get it? "Hopping mad.
" Oh, damn, I-- I left out the part about the shoes.
They want you to hang up 'cause then they win.
But I don't care if I stay on hold the rest of my-- Fruit? You don't eat fruit.
You hate fruit.
Look, you don't want my business, there are plenty of places who'll give me fruit without an argument.
Sorry.
I'm just so used to you eating wrong.
Of course I eat wrong.
I eat here.
Greetings, bottom feeders.
Bob came for lunch and to drive the fry cook crazy with his musk.
I can smell your musk from over here.
Don't you ever bathe? Yes, I bathe.
It's the laundry that's a little tricky.
I may not be able to eat.
Bob knows what you're trying to do.
You're trying to make him look bad in front of Reggie.
It won't work.
She aches for me.
You turn my stomach.
That's an ache.
Go away.
Oh, not the recording again.
Dr.
Becker, Margaret sent me over to get you.
We need you back at the office right away.
We've been trying to call you, but-- Well, there's the problem.
( shouts ) Well, thanks a lot, Linda.
My pleasure.
What-- What's wrong? What happened? Well, Mr.
Bloom cut his finger.
Well, actually, he didn't cut his finger.
I did.
See, I asked him to hold his finger on my present while I re-wrapped it, and I cut-- Is-- Is it bad? Well, yeah, he bled all over it.
Now I have to re-re-wrap it, and I still can't-- No, no.
Reg, uh, wrap up my lunch, will you? Linda, bring it-- Bring it with you.
You know, I think we have a lot in common.
I'm not wearing a bra either.
Oh, please tell me he's talking to you.
You know, I don't like that kind of talk.
Well, I do, but not from you.
Well, here's Becker's lunch.
Oh, no, that can't be it.
It's fruit.
Well, that's what he ordered.
That's strange.
Hm.
( mellow blues theme playing ) ( sneezes loudly ) Ew, cover up.
Sorry, I must be coming down with something.
Hey, you're that girl from Dr.
Becker's office.
You lost my urine sample.
It was a mistake.
It's not like I stole it for my collection.
( sneezes loudly ) Sorry.
You know, I'm feeling kind of feverish.
Do you think the doctor has any appointments open? I don't know.
You have to call.
There's a book.
It's a whole procedure.
But, you know, I don't know when he'll be able to see you, because Dr.
Becker might be coming down with something himself.
He's eating fruit, and he never does that.
Did she say Dr.
Becker's sick? Yeah, apparently he's cutting back on his workload, and he's on some sort of special diet.
Gee, Dr.
Becker takes care of my mother.
I hope he's all right.
Mm, sure doesn't sound good.
Camille? Hi.
Hi.
Did you hear about Dr.
Becker? Honey, apparently he is very sick.
Oh, the man's been my doctor since I moved here.
What's wrong? Well, I don't know, but I heard he has stopped eating.
How sad.
What's sad? Dr.
Becker's not doing well at all.
Oh, you heard something too? Can't keep food down.
That happened to my brother-in-law, and in three weeks, well-- Hey, how much is this? Uh, 59 cents.
( sneezes loudly ) Thirty-nine cents.
Never mind.
It's such a shame.
Dr.
Becker is so young.
Excuse me.
What did you say? Dr.
Becker.
They say it's bad.
What's bad? ( whispers ): He's very sick.
( mellow blues theme playing ) I can't believe we're the last to know.
About what? He always seemed so healthy.
Who? Fine.
Stick your head in the sand.
You'll have to deal with this sooner or later.
Get over here.
What in the world are you talking about? On my way back from the diner, I heard that Dr.
Becker was sick.
( whispers ): Very sick.
Oh, please.
I've known John Becker a long time, and if he was sick, believe me, I'd know.
( phone rings ) Doctor's office.
Excuse me? Oh.
"Dr.
Axelrod would like to tell Dr.
Becker "he's gonna be a few minutes late for their 1:00 tomorrow?" Certainly.
I'll be glad to tell him.
If that doesn't prove he's sick, I don't know what does.
Oh, please.
He and Dr.
Axelrod are friends.
They could be having lunch.
They could be jogging.
Yeah, right.
Dr.
Becker jogging.
Hey, you know-- You know what? ( panting heavily ) You go ahead, I'll-- I'll catch up.
( panting ) Mm.
( blues theme playing ) Linda, I told you yesterday, if John were sick, I'd know about it.
You know, he has changed his diet.
And now that I think about it, lately the way he walks, he looks like he's in pain.
Jake, have you noticed that? Right.
Sorry.
Although he did give me tickets to a Rangers game next month.
Said he couldn't use them 'cause he didn't know if he'd be around.
Maybe he has other plans for that day.
( whispers ): Or maybe he's sick.
Will you stop doing that? We can't go crazy based on a bunch of nuts in the street jabbering about nothing.
You know what, Margaret's right.
Of course I am.
Now let's just end this talk right now.
And remember, no intelligent person listens to gossip anyway.
It's all over town.
Becker's a dead man.
( blues theme playing ) ( blues theme playing ) I'm telling you, everyone's saying the Doc's one flush from the ocean.
And how do they know? How do I know how they know? It's hot dish.
You don't question it, you just tell everyone you can find.
Margaret, maybe you can call his doctor and try to find something out.
He won't tell me.
That's privileged information.
He's still dating Liz, isn't he? She's a doctor.
Ask her.
No.
I'm gonna mind my own business, and I suggest you people do the same.
( sighs ): Margaret's right.
Of course I am.
I mean, we see Becker every day.
Why wouldn't he say something? Oh, come on.
"I'm dying.
Hug me.
Hold me.
Show me that you care.
" That doesn't sound like John to me.
That doesn't sound like him to anybody.
That's the worst impression I've ever heard.
You didn't even change your voice.
No, you little dope, I'm trying to make a point here.
Well, you succeeded.
You made it very clear that you can't do impressions.
Would you shut the hell up? Now that sounds like Becker.
It was just like this with my father.
He didn't let me know he was sick until the very end.
Well, Dr.
Becker wouldn't want our sympathy.
He'd keep it to himself, and then when the time came, he'd do exactly what my grandfather did.
He would put on his Eskimo parka, climb onto an ice floe and float out towards the setting sun.
Your grandfather was an Eskimo? No, he was crazy.
( mellow blues theme playing ) I thought about Dr.
Becker all night.
It's so strange.
One day you're here, and then the next day you're not.
Let's make a promise right now.
Let's promise that we'll look for each other in heaven.
Linda, I spend half my life looking for you now, that is not how I plan to spend eternity.
Here he comes.
I'm just gonna ask him what's going on.
No, don't.
Just leave it alone.
Dr.
Becker, when you go for those 1:00 appointments, exactly what are you doing? Linda, how's your sex life? Well, it was a little slow, but since Gil got out of jail-- No, no, no, never mind, never mind.
Look, where I've been is none of your business.
Margaret, who's up? Uh, Phil Mann is in One.
Thank you.
Tell him I'll be there in a second, all right? ( clucking tongue ) ( sighs ): Oh, just stop that.
When are you gonna learn that gossip is like poison? It gets in your system, and then before you know it-- It's like-- Oh, Lord.
What is it? Nothing.
No, you just, Oh-Lorded.
That's not nothing.
Well, it's this.
It-- It's from Morgan and Strauss, Estate Planners.
Estate? That's like when you die, and you leave stuff to people.
( whispers ): Because you're dead.
Don't start.
We have no idea what this is.
Open it.
I can't do that.
I can.
It's easy.
A little nail polish remover, it pops right open.
Reseals without a trace.
This is wrong.
It could prove you right.
Pop that baby open.
Phil, how're you doing? Pretty good, thanks, heh.
More importantly, how are you? Well, to tell you the truth, I can hardly move.
But, hey, that's not your problem.
Uh, so what brings you in today? Oh, it-- It's nothing really.
I-- I shouldn't even bother you with it.
Well, it's a little late for that, Phil.
What's going on? Well, I'm embarrassed to even mention it.
Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, it came back? You want some more ointment for that? Oh, no, no, not that.
That cleared right up.
I'll just go.
You've got more important things on your mind.
You know, in the future, if you don't want to see me, and you don't need to see me, save us both some time and don't see me, you idiot.
He's in very good spirits.
Considering.
Got it.
"Dear Dr.
Becker, "Enclosed please find a copy of your revised last will and testament.
" ( whispers ): He changed his will.
( sighs ) Okay, I'll admit this doesn't sound good, but the only way to know for sure is to talk to John about it.
This goes against everything I believe in to intrude on something so private.
Big talk from someone who just opened a guy's mail.
Look, Roger, I-- I can't take this jogging anymore.
I'm sore as hell.
And I've had it with fruit and watching my temper.
You know, to hell with it.
I'll-- I'll bring down my cholesterol the way God intended, with drugs.
No, I know you're my doctor, but this is my life.
It's my problem, and I have the right to deal with it the way I want.
You know, I don't-- I don't feel like living if I have to live like this.
What? ( sobbing ) ( sobbing ): Oh, God.
( blues theme playing ) Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Oh.
Mm, mm, mm.
( knocking on door ) Go away.
( knocking on door ) Oh, for God's sake.
Oh, oh, mm.
Hi.
Hi.
Remind me, did we talk about you coming over? No, I just thought I'd drop by.
Mm.
Can I come in? Sure.
Yeah, I mean, why not? You're here.
So how are you feeling? Fine.
Good.
Mm.
Look, this is a little awkward for me, but, um When my father died, there were things I didn't say, and I don't want that to happen again.
I don't think there's much chance of that.
He's dead.
Uh, no, no, no, I, uh-- I just want to make sure everything gets said.
Are you okay with where this is going? I have no idea where this is going.
Well, what I'm trying to say is that, um, people don't talk.
We don't talk.
Does that mean all those times that I-- I go into the diner and-- And we say things to each other, that-- That doesn't count? I mean, I-- I-- I want to talk.
Really talk.
Oh.
Okay.
Good.
Do I have to talk too? God, Becker, you are such a jerk.
What-- Just listen.
When I think about you not coming into the diner-- ( beeping ) What is that? Oh, that's my alarm watch.
I have it set to remind me to take my pills.
It's stupid, really.
It is not stupid.
I mean, if you can take something to ease your pain or prolong your life, well then you should take it.
Oh, no, no, my-- It's just for my cholesterol.
Cholesterol? Yeah.
Where the hell is-- Oh, here we go.
Cholesterol? Yeah, mine's a little high, so I prescribed myself some medication.
Yeah, my-- My doctor had me jogging three times a week.
( chuckles ) Had me changing my diet.
Well, that explains the fruit.
Yeah, that got old real quick.
The way I figure it, a few less cigarettes, a few more salads, and this little baby right here, I'll be back to good shape in no time.
Oh! Who said you can't have it all? Mm.
So I'm sorry, where were we? I gotta go.
I thought you wanted to talk.
I did.
I've said all I came to say.
Been fun.
Take care.
Too many people know where I live.
( blues theme playing ) ( blues theme playing ) I feel so stupid.
I was this close to making a total ass out of myself.
God, I love it when you say "ass.
" Shut up, Bob.
I told you people no good can come from spreading gossip.
I just don't know how these things get started in the first place.
Yeah, well, we all fell for it.
But it was Reggie here who made the biggest fool of herself.
Well, not so much of a fool but-- What was that word again? Ass? Let her say it.
Hey, Reg, let me have a-- Well, look at this.
It's everybody I know.
How sad is my life? Ah, Becker, you're such an ass.
Okay, Bob, I see what you mean now.
( snickers ) Come on, Reg, let me have a cup of coffee, will you? I liked it better when he was dying.
Ow.
Damn you, John Becker.
The next time nothing is wrong, the least you can do is let people know.
She's right.
Of course I am.
Too many people know where I eat.
( blues theme playing ) ( upbeat blues theme playing )