Big City Greens (2018) s02e14 Episode Script

[theme song plays]
One, two
One, two, three ♪
[vocalizing]
[chicken clucks]
All right, family
who's ready for Farm-Con?
Huh?
Me. Tilly's ready.
Eh, not really my scene.
But the booths here give out free stuff
and Mama needs some new pens.
Oh, all right, just make sure
you don't miss my big speech!
Did I mention I'm a VIP speaker today?
Yeah, that's how we got
these passes to Farm-Con!
On a precious, beautiful Saturday
that I'll never get back!
This speech will be great exposure
for Green Family Farms, Papa!
If only Good Ol' Joe could see me now.
Eh, Dad, you can't just make up people.
No, he's real!
Back in the country,
Good 'Ol Joe was my best friend
and we used to come to Farm-Con
together every year!
He sounds like a delight.
What ever happened to him?
Well, we sorta lost touch
when we moved to Big City.
Shame, sure was fun
comin' here with a friend.
[sighs]
[gasps] Is that what I think it is?
It is! Dirt!
I gotta get a whiff of that!
Cricket, did you see how sad Papa was?
What do ya mean?
That's how he always looks.
He misses havin' a friend!
OK, and what are we
supposed to do about it?
Maybe we should help Papa
find a new friend.
Unless of course, you have
somethin' better to do
Son, ya gotta come smell this dirt!
Nope! All right, friend for dad,
friend for dad
Mm, that guy.
[sighs]
Hmm What about the
handsome fellow next to him?
[Cricket] Tilly, he's not real.
What about the person inside?
Oh, never mind.
It'd be great if Papa could be friends
with someone he already knows.
-[old lady] Oh! My tomatoes!
-Hmm Oof!
[Chip] Oh, hey, let me help you with that.
Oh, thank you, sonny.
My, your teeth are so shiny.
Thanks!
Chip Whistler! He's perfect!
What? Did you have a big bowl
of Forgetti-O's this morning?
Chip has been our enemy
since we moved here!
That's not true! Chip's changed, remember?
He broke our roof, then he fixed our roof,
then we sang a song
It was good. Good 'n fun.
Well, this whole thing
beats smellin' dirt.
So if you think it's a good idea,
then let's make Dad and Chip friends!
[humming]
All right, there's Papa
and there's Chip.
So how do we arrange a meeting
without them knowing?
Leave it to Crickey.
[chuckles] Oh
-Nice and easy
-[screams]
Are you really Old McDonald from the song?
E, I, E, I, O.
I could cry.
-[screams]
-[groans]
[groans] What the
-Chip?
-Bill Green?
Well, I'm not entirely sure
what just happened,
but it's nice to bump into you!
How ya been?
I think my spine mighta just shattered
[chuckles] but otherwise I'm great!
Gonna do a speech about
farmin' in the city today!
I will check it out!
You know, farmer outreach
is part of the new gig.
Oh, right! You're the new CEO
of Wholesome Foods! Congrats!
Aw, shucks, couldn't have
done it without you, Bill!
-Hey, Papa!
-Hey.
Just checkin' in. How're things?
Great! And look who I ran into!
Hey, I have a crazy idea.
Maybe you two should hang out
at the Con today!
-Sounds like a good time!
-Really?
I'd love to get the Bill Green experience!
Well, alrighty then! Let's do it!
[giggles excitedly]
Heh heh, which one of you suckers
is givin' out free stuff?
Bingo bango.
'Scuse me, pardon me.
Hey! You can't do that!
Didn't you see the sign?
"Please take one." I don't mind if I do!
Aw
Attention, farmers!
I'm Gwendolyn Zapp
and I've got a question for ya!
Are you tired
of your big, bulky hay baler?
Well, get rid of it!
And replace it
with the all new Mecha-Baler!
[dings]
Now who wants some hay?
Ooh, me! I do, I do!
Ooh! [groans]
-Oh!
-Is he OK?
Pshhh. Big Tech.
Too flashy, if you ask me.
I mean, where's the heart?
I couldn't agree more.
Did you know they wanna replace
grocery stores with drones
that deliver your food right to your door?
But picking out produce
is a sacred experience!
That's what I'm sayin'!
I like the way you think, Bill Green.
You're not that bad yourself.
In fact, you're good!
[gasps] Good. Good Ol' Chip!
Come on, let's see what's next!
[both giggle excitedly]
[both laugh]
[both] Cheese!
Ah! Huh?
Eh?
[gasps]
[thuds]
[camera shutter clicking]
-Bleeh!
-Ooh!
[both chuckle]
Wow a horse that can talk,
but chooses not to.
I gotta go water the fields, if you know
what I'm sayin'. Be right back!
Oh. OK! That's my friend.
Chip and Pop are gettin' along swell!
-You done good.
-Thanks, Cricket!
I kinda got a seventh sense
for friendship.
-Wait, seven?
-[Chip] Ugh, finally!
Thought I'd never get rid of that chump.
All right, I need you
to cancel all my plans
for the remainder of the day.
But what about the farmer meet and greet?
If you don't go, those farmers
will be neither met nor gret!
Forget those losers!
A wonderful opportunity
has presented itself.
I'm gonna sabotage
Bill Green's big speech!
Here's the plan [whispering]
Sweet potatoes, Chip is evil!
-We gotta go tell Dad!
-What? No, wait!
-Cricket, stop!
-Gah!
We can't just tell Papa.
It'd break his heart!
I don't care about his heart, Tilly,
I'm tryin' to save his feelings!
[chuckles] Is that so?
Seems like you overheard
my brilliant plan.
Too bad you won't be here
to see it happen.
Close your eyes, Cricket.
Big sister's gonna make a mess.
-[knuckles crack]
-OK.
[roars]
-[groans]
-[groans] Tilly messed up.
[laughs] Good luck
getting back in without these!
Ah, man, I love being mean to kids.
[grunting]
Oh, no! Papa's doomed!
Ooh! Bottle openers,
the crown jewel of all swag!
[laughing]
Hey! Stop! I know you,
you're the swag stealer!
-What?
-Yeah! You're stealing all our free stuff!
You can't steal what's already free!
Sure, it's not illegal,
but it's very rude!
Well, in my defense
-Yoink! [laughing]
-Hey! Get back here!
Ugh! Come on, let's get her!
[all clamoring]
-Big crowd, huh?
-Chip! You made it!
So, are you ready to rock that speech?
I think so, but I am a little nervous
Let me hit you with a "Chip Tip."
Never give a speech on an empty stomach.
That's why I made you
this saltine and peanut butter sandwich!
Uh, I don't know
Wouldn't that dry my mouth out?
Come on. You can trust Good Ol' Chip.
Huh. You're right! Thanks, Chip!
-Bottoms up! Ahh
-[Chip snickers]
-[grunts]
-[thuds]
[sighs] Still won't budge.
And without our badges,
we can't get in through the front.
Chip's gonna ruin Papa's speech,
and it's all my fault!
I just wanted Papa to make a new friend.
But I made everything worse.
It's true. Dad has no friends.
But he's got us! Family!
And we'll always be there for him,
even after Chip ruins
his reputation later today.
You, me, and even Gramma
will be there to cheer him up.
-[Gramma grunting]
-Weird, I can almost hear her now
Cricket, look!
[grunts] Rats!
I'm gonna have to find another exit.
-Hey, Gramma.
-Can you let us into the building?
Eh, why not? I can't get
my swag out this way anyway.
[all grunting]
[Tilly] Looks like Papa's
speech hasn't started yet.
We gotta get down there!
Well, I destroyed the ladder,
so good luck with that.
-Why?
-I had to lose some heat, OK?
Well, how are we gonna get down now?
I don't know, I could toss you down,
how's that sound?
No need! I've got an idea!
But we're gonna need some swag.
-[chewing loudly]
-How's it taste there, buddy?
[muffled speech]
Good! It's delicious!
Oh, no! I can't speak!
Uh, Mr. Green? You're on now.
[muffled speech] What should I do.
Easy, buddy.
You know what? I just had a great idea!
What if I do your speech for ya?
[muffled speech] You will?
Don't worry.
Good Ol' Chip has got ya covered.
[muffled speech]
Aww, gee, thanks, Chip. You're the best!
[snickers]
What up, Farm-Con! My name is Bill Green!
Oh, no, Chip has assumed Papa's identity!
As the humble, urban farmer
I am, I'd just like to say
I'm the only good farmer in this city!
You're all dumb! Dumb, dumb, dummies!
[all gasp]
Oh, no! We gotta hurry!
I can't believe you made me choose
between my son and my swag.
[grunts] Come on, let's go!
That's fine, let Gramma pick up your mess.
That's right, I said it.
Oh, and your veggies? Garbo!
[muffled speech] Chip, what are you doing?
Yeah! I love pesticide!
-[both scream]
-Not the teeth! Not the teeth!
Good work, Cricket! Hold him down!
People of Farm-Con!
This man is not Bill Green!
-That is Bill Green!
-[grunts]
[muffled speech] It's true!
I'm Bill Green.
Two Bill Greens?
Which one do I shoot?
Which one do I shoot?
-Who's the real one?
-He is.
[gasps]
[muffled speech] Good Ol' Joe!
That's my friend
and I'd know him anywhere.
Say "ahh," Papa.
Huh? [gurgling]
Thanks, sweetie. [blubbers]
Papa, I'm really sorry
Chip didn't turn out to be a good friend.
Yeah, me too.
How are you so heavy?
I'm dense!
Huh? Ugh.
Chip, I'm afraid after this,
we can't be friendly anymore.
[scoffs] Like I care.
Watch your back, Bill Green.
'Cause I'll get you all sooner or later.
When you least expect--
-[groans]
-[grunts] Success!
Well, time to go to the pawn shop.
-[grunting]
-[groans]
Huh? Ha!
My new titanium tooth
is still perfectly intact!
Huh? [gasps]
Don't look at me! Don't look at me!
I'm not even gonna laugh.
I have nightmares about that.
Everyone OK over here?
Joe! It's been so long!
Oh, it's great to see you again!
Likewise.
Listen, Bill,
I'm sorry we lost touch when you moved.
I planned on visitin'
but I went out to tend the crops,
and well, you know
[chuckles] Boy, do I.
What do ya say we catch up
over a nice glass of water?
My favorite beverage,
you remembered!
Good Ol' Joe.
Good Ol' Bill.
Good Ol' Joe.
Good Ol' Bill.
-Good Ol'--
-Dad! Speech!
Oh! Right! Wish me luck!
Well, we didn't find Papa a new friend.
But we did find him an old friend.
Yeah.
Wait, did we?
I'm countin' it.
[clears throat]
Hello, my name is Bill Green
and I'm here to talk about
urban soil and crop rotation.
[all cheer]
I love Farm-Con!
[Cricket] So, grass,
you dare to stand in my way?
[fighting grunts]
Ha ha! Success! I rule.
Aah! Street goblin!
Oh, wait, it's just an ugly dog.
[coughs]
Where'd you come from, buddy?
[whimpers]
Aw, you must be lost.
You don't live too far from here.
Better get ya home
before Tilly tries to keep ya.
[Tilly] Oh, I sense
an unfamiliar canine energy!
Come on, hurry! Let's go!
Hello! Hello, hello, hello!
Hello? Oh, my gosh!
You found my dog!
Sorry his face is all messed up,
but he was already like that
when I got him,
I swear.
Oh, he's supposed to be like this.
[coughs]
Since my lost dog posters
promised a reward
-A reward?
-Here ya go.
One hundred dollars, as promised.
[stammering]
-Thanks! Bye!
-[stammers]
I didn't even know money
could go that high!
Cricket Green has a hundred dollars!
I got a hundred dollars! ♪
Look at all my money! ♪
Who's that guy on the bill?
Nobody knows ♪
Get down from there!
Sorry.
I got a hundred dollars! ♪
Psst! Hey, moneybags!
-Over here.
-Huh?
Be careful waving
your money around like that.
You might attract some shady characters.
Hey, thanks, mister!
Name's Cricket Green, what's yours?
It's, uh It's, uh I'm John.
-Yeah, yeah, that's a name.
-Yes, it is!
You know what's better
than a hundred dollars?
Two hundred dollars.
Wow, that is better!
Gosh, now this one hundred dollar bill
just looks like junk.
Listen, you give me your hundred dollars,
I give you a product to sell.
-Product to sell?
-Sell some product, double your money.
Hmm "Skull Slimmers."
All right, let's see here
[grunts] OK
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
Oh, it hurts!
That's how you know it's workin'!
OK. [grunts]
Do you really think I can sell these?
Listen, most people
aren't as, uh, ya know,
street smart as you and me.
They're easy marks.
Just tell 'em whatever they wanna hear
and these will
practically sell themselves.
I don't know
Isn't that kinda like lying?
Nah, that's just how business works.
So, what do ya say?
Double my money, huh?
-This picture's broken!
-It's a puzzle, Gramma.
So now I'm supposed to do
the picture-maker's job for him?
[Cricket] Attention, family!
Get on my good side now,
because I'm about to be rich!
I present to you Skull Slimmers!
These babies are gonna
revolutionize heads!
Just, uh, put it on your head
and, uh, twist the spinny thingy.
Like this?
This product is subpar.
Subpar or not,
I'm gonna sell 'em for a big fat profit!
Seems a bit dishonest.
Tilly, you just don't understand
how business works.
And you think you do?
Wake up, boy, ya been flim-flammed!
-What's that now?
-Bamboozled!
Hoodwinked! Scammed.
How dare you!
I'm Cricket Green!
I'm no patsy, I'm a pats-er!
I'ma sell so many of these Skull Slimmers,
I-I'll be able to buy a new Gramma!
Yeah! And a new sister!
And they'll appreciate my genius!
I always wanted a sister.
[Cricket] Citizens of Big City!
Are you tired of hats that don't fit?
Are you dissatisfied
with the diameter of your dome?
Tiny heads are the hot new trend!
Don't be the last kid on the block
with a big ol' noggin!
Benny, I'm looking in your direction!
People are counting on you
to get their skulls ready
for bikini season!
So what do ya say?
Uh, no thanks. This is junk.
I don't appreciate you preying
on my perceived insecurities.
There's no shortcuts to a slim head!
Only diet and exercise!
Aw, come on!
[Cricket] Ugh, I don't get it!
Why won't people buy this garbage?
John made it sound so simple
Just tell 'em what they wanna hear
and they'll practically sell themselves.
Wait! Is that what I wanted to hear?
Am I the easy mark?
Aw, Gramma was right!
A hundred smackeroos right down the drain!
Sorry, Katelynn, I can't afford to go
to the concert with you guys.
Have fun without me. [sighs]
Money problems are the worst.
Tell me about it! I just
poured a bunch of money
into these Skull Slimmers.
The guy said they'd sell themselves!
Sell themselves?
That's what the guy said.
He told me I'd double my money.
Whoa! Wait!
-Can I get in on this?
-Uh, what now?
If I double my money I can
go to that concert with my friends!
Wait, you want to buy my Skull Slimmers?
Yeah! How much for the whole box?
[clears throat]
Well, since we're such good pals,
I'd be willin' to let them go for
two hundred dollars?
Sold!
You really think I can double my money?
I did.
This puzzle's impossible!
What's it even supposed to be?
It's a picture called "Starless Night."
Why would you pick that?
Oh, family!
Guess who's not a sucker after all?
I sold the whole lot!
Kiss my filthy bare feet! Owie!
Who on earth is dumb enough
to buy that junk?
Why, if you must know,
our dear friend Gloria
saw the true value of Skull Slimmers.
You scammed Gloria?
Oh, I wouldn't say that.
I simply offered her
the same business opportunity
I enjoyed.
-Scam!
-It's not a scam!
Gloria just has to find
someone dumber than her to buy them!
But then what about that person?
[grunting] We don't even know them.
Well, be forewarned, Cricket.
The deceitful lifestyle
is a dark and endless void.
Much like this puzzle!
Which we will now have
to start over because of you.
Gah! At least let me do the edge pieces.
There are none!
Like outer space, this puzzle
is amorphous and without borders.
[sputters] Gah!
Listen, aren't you interested in
a thinner, lighter skull?
I just wanted a refill!
No, wait! A think skull
is a healthy skull!
Hey, Gloria! How's the sales going?
Cricket Green!
What pack of lies did you sell me?
That's a heck of a way to say good morning
to your li'l business buddy.
Nobody wants these stupid things.
You totally conned me!
Con is such a strong word.
I never said people didn't want any
and you didn't ask if people did.
So in a way, didn't we con each other?
-[screaming]
-[grunts]
Gloria, please, let's just talk this out!
[screaming]
Aah! Stay back, Gloria!
You know, if you put this kind of energy
into your sales pitch
-[grunts]
-[screams]
[grunts] Aah!
Come here, Cricket!
[screams]
Oh, man, Gloria's finally lost it!
[grunts]
Ahh, home free.
-[grunts]
-Somebody save me!
-[grunting]
-[screaming]
Huh?
Cricket Green, you come back here!
He probably deserves it.
Gloria, no, please! I'm your friend!
Enough! Cricket, just give me my money
back and this all stops.
I spent it already! Gah!
What?
I may, or may not, have decided
to spend the money you gave me on this.
You spent all of my money
on a wedding cake?
It's just the biggest cake I could buy.
I don't care if it's for a wedding.
Then what are those?
Well, excuse me if I wanted
to feel special on my big day.
[grunts]
Cricket, that two hundred dollars
was from my rent fund.
If I don't make my money back,
I won't be able to pay my rent!
Oh. Gee, I-I didn't know that.
Cake?
Ha.
[sighs]
I'm really sorry, Gloria.
I was just so desperate
not to look like a fool
when I got flim-flammed
that I ended up
passin' my burden on to you.
Yeah, well, scamming someone else isn't
the best way to get out of a scam, dummy.
[gasps] Or is it?
I think I know a way
to get your money back.
But we'll need some help.
Ahh. Really brightens up the office.
-[Gloria] Hey!
-[gasps]
Would you happen to be John?
Might be's, might be'sn't.
I'm Gloria Hightower, executive VP of
acquisitions for ThingieCorp Incorporated.
Heard you're the man to see
about Skull Slimmers.
Well, you're in luck. I got tons of 'em!
Hmm No, this isn't
the model I'm looking for.
-The model? What do you mean?
-Haven't you heard?
There's a new version of the Skull Slimmer
that makes you super smart.
If you had the new model,
I would have paid handsomely for them.
Someone's selling Skull Slimmers
that make you smarter?
Boy, I sure was a real dumb-dumb before
I bought my Skull Slimmer Plus!
I purchased mine with every dollar I had!
Ho!
Hey, kids, where'd you get those?
Why, from a young chap
down the alley on Grantham Avenue.
He bought it!
Yes, well, your acting
has really improved.
Ooh. Huh? It's that kid.
Yes, young man. Here is my life savings
for the Skull Slimmer.
[whispers] You owe me.
Kid, I gotta hand it to ya.
You were able to turn that junk I sold ya
into somethin' people actually want.
But now I'm gonna need
those Skull Slimmers back
with whatever mods you made to them.
Here's your hundred bucks back.
Sorry, John. The price has gone up.
[slurps]
Fine. Two hundred bucks.
Eh, nah. [slurps]
Let me save us both some time.
What do ya say?
That's a lot of money.
-So we got a deal?
-Absolutely.
Fantastic. Oops.
Whoopsie-daisy.
-Here ya go.
-Thank you, sir.
Pleasure doin' business with ya!
What the? Hey!
This is just a bunch of napkins!
-Pete never pays full price!
-I thought your name was John!
Yeah, that's what I meant.
John never pays full price!
-[laughs, gasps]
-Stop right there!
Agent William Walker,
Fraudulent Business Division.
-[gasps]
-Just as I suspected. Skull Slimmers.
Somebody's been selling these
all over town under
false claims that they'll
make you smarter.
He sold these to me! I'm the victim here!
That true?
Gee, I'm just a kid,
holdin' a bag of napkins.
Nothin' illegal about
holdin' a bag of napkins, right, Officer?
Checks out. Hope you like jail!
Wait, wait, wait!
If I get away, it's all yours.
In all my years on the job,
I've never taken a bribe!
Always wanted to see what it's like.
Go on, get outta here.
You'll never see me again!
Nice work, "Agent Walker."
Finally, theater classes pay off!
Yeah! We flim-flammed the flim-flam man!
-Here. This is for you.
-What?
But, Cricket, don't you want your share?
Nah, I feel bad for scamming ya, Gloria.
I even feel kinda bad
for scamming John. Or Pete?
-Yeah, don't.
-You're right. I don't.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go
to a concert and pay my rent. Whoa!
Uh, do you guys have any more
of those Skull Slimmers?
I've got sweat in my eyes ♪
Lost a bet and got bit
By a hundred flies ♪
I fell out a big ol' tree ♪
Hit every branch and
scraped up both my knees ♪
I got chased by a dog ♪
Bit by a frog ♪
Got a rash on my legs ♪
Dropped a dozen eggs ♪
I got splinters at seven and ten ♪
And tomorrow I'll do it all again ♪