Bizaardvark (2016) s02e14 Episode Script

1 Hey, guys! What's the best thing to do with your friends over the holidays? ALL: Lip sync! We're gonna listen to our favorite Christmas songs and make cool videos.
And you guys can sing along! Let's do it! (LIP SYNCING) (AUDIENCE CHEERING) (LIP SYNCING) (AUDIENCE CHEERING) (ALL LAUGHING) BOTH: You could spend all day On a swing eating a baguette But why do boring things like that When there's the Internet? Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! - Let's go make some videos - Hey! You could watch Dirk doing crazy dares - Saying, "Here we go" - Here we go! He'll do anything you want Just don't try this at home Or watch Amelia teaching ya How to look your best Making over people is her never-ending quest You could watch Do you have constant foot odor? You could watch us make ridiculously funny videos Like the one with evil pop-up books That punch you in the nose Let's go make some videos Hey! Hey! Let's go make some videos And I I missed it.
So, are you guys excited to come to Vuuugle's holiday party later? KIDS: Yeah! And are you excited to open some presents? KIDS: Yeah! Let me try something.
Are you excited about the way corporate America has turned the holidays into one big money grab? KIDS: Yeah! They're nine.
They say "yeah.
" See you guys later! KIDS: Yeah! (ENDS CALL) It feels so good to give back to our community, and give those kids a holiday party they're never gonna forget.
Don't you just love the holidays? Of course.
There's a TV channel with a log on fire 24 hours a day.
That's the only thing you like? What about all the Christmas miracles? It's a log! On fire! Twenty-four seven.
Poof! Miracle! Frankie, I'm serious.
The holidays aren't just magical 'cause we get two weeks off of school.
Magical things can happen.
Paige Sweetie normally, your childlike wonder's endearing, but Christmas miracles aren't real.
It's just something parents tell their kids, like, "Your goldfish is just taking an upside down nap.
" I can't believe how many donations we're getting.
I know, Tiffany.
It was so sweet of you to organize the Vuuugle toy drive.
Are you kidding? I love the feeling of inspiring others to give.
(SHOUTING) Put a toy in the basket! Thanks for donating! No way! A puppy princess cowgirl doll? I mean, uh whatever.
You guys know what I like by now.
But you know what I really want for Hanukkah this year? A kiss from you.
I'd rather get you the action figure.
It's a doll.
Everybody, I have an exciting announcement.
Christmas at Vuuugle is canceled! What? Why? Well, I started reading an inspiring book with this great hero, named Scrooge.
He ruins Christmas.
But, in the end Scrooge learns that Ah-ah-ah! No spoilers! Liam, we invited a bunch of kids to the holiday party.
They're huge Bizaardvark fans.
They're gonna be crushed.
Really? You've known me for almost two years, and your argument is, "What about the kids?" (LAUGHS) Oh, Paige.
Bah, humbug.
He can't cancel Christmas.
I know! It makes me so mad I just want a kiss! Uh, no.
I have an idea.
I've taken a couple coding classes Hey, good for you! STEM for life! Paige, let her finish.
I think I can re-program Liam's robot to make it so he can't see what happenin' inside Vuuugle.
Then we can still have our party! - Oh, yeah! - Awesome! (SHOUTING) Put a toy in the basket, punk! Gosh, everyone is being so generous this year.
Okay.
I wrote some code to re-program Liam, but I need to find his reset button to install it in his robot.
So, get Liam in here, and talk to him so he stands still.
Okay.
Get Liam in here, distract him, we kiss on it! Liam! What? Do you ever wonder why we never just get together and talk? It's because I don't like you.
Ahh! Uh Well, what if we just talk about everyday subjects? Uh, for instance, do you like cups of dirt? Nobody likes cups of dirt.
Ahh! Well, uh, do you like having a mustache? I don't have a mustache.
Uh-uh, do you like spinning around in circles for no reason? Yes, kind of.
Wheee! (GIGGLES) Bernie, I really need to leave.
Wait! Liam do you ever feel lonely? Actually, Bernie, yes, I do.
And perhaps, this is the one time I'll try to connect with you.
You see, just like you, I Thank goodness! That was about to get boring! "Just like you, I" what? That should do it.
The robot is officially re-programmed.
Liam won't see anything that's happenin' in the lounge, and we can have our party! But won't he be suspicious that his camera is turned off? No, I re-programmed him so all he'll see is the same footage of the lounge over and over again on a loop.
He'll think it's what's happenin' in real time.
(CRYING) That is obviously very old footage.
It was taken this morning.
(TO HIMSELF) Oh, no! She caught you.
Say something cool.
Well, when I cried I was thinkin' about you.
It is so cool your fans brought donations for the toy drive.
What can I say? Some people just have the holiday spirit.
And some people were just using that hand to pick their nose.
Hey! Horse Face! You haven't donated yet! Oh I can run, too! When do we get to eat the Christmas cookies? Ramona, we told you, those are for the end of the party.
- You understand? - Yes.
Okay.
When do we get to eat the Christmas cookies? I'm telling you right now I'm gonna lose it on this kid.
Attention, everyone! Not only did I re-program the robot, I gave him a makeover.
Now, he's a holly-jolly Santa robot.
Complete with arms for handin' out presents.
(WHIRRING NOISE) ALL: Ooh.
A candy cane dispenser.
ALL: Ooh! And an ornament launcher for those hard-to-reach branches of the tree.
- ALL BUT BERNIE: Ahh! - Ooh! Aw, you guys switched it up on me.
Christmas is officially uncanceled.
You're welcome.
All right.
Let's bring out Party Bernie.
Time to practice my cool lean.
(BEEPING) Ahh! I deleted some of Amelia's code! Okay.
Don't panic.
Nobody saw.
Just lean back in a cool way.
- (RAPID BEEPING) - Shoot, I deleted more! Ho, ho, ho! Yay, we're getting presents! (LAUGHS EVILLY) (SCREAMS) AMELIA: What's happening? I just got here! What is happening? Destroy! Destroy! (KIDS SCREAMING) (LAUGHS EVILLY) - (SCREAMING) - (LAUGHING EVILLY) We gotta get outta here! Kids, run for the exit! Go! Locking all doors! Okay, new plan! Uh, hide! Go! (KIDS SHOUTING) Everybody, just stay calm.
The robot is slow.
If If we stay out of reach, it can't hurt us.
Candy cane launcher! (LAUGHS EVILLY) (SCREAMING) - (PAIGE AND FRANKIE YELLING) - It can hurt us! Is this the kind of Christmas miracle you were talking about, Paige? I know you're being sarcastic, but I appreciate that you were listening.
Ahh! (GASP) Peter! - Henry.
- Henry! Whatever your name is, come with me.
(CLICKING SOUNDS) He's out of candy canes.
Now's our chance, attack him! Switching to ornament launcher! (LAUGHS EVILLY) (SMASHING SOUNDS) Ah! New plan! Don't attack him! (SMASHING SOUNDS) Somebody call for help! (LAUGHING EVILLY) Oh, no! The virus hacked my phone.
I think it must have control of the Vuuugle wireless network! I can't access my selfies! I can't access my selfies! I will ruin your Christmas! (LAUGHS EVILLY) (KIDS SHOUTING) Whoa! (GASPING FOR BREATH) Oh! That was crazy, I I can't believe my jolly Santa robot turned into an evil Santa robot! More like ho-ho, oh-no, am I right? (TO HIMSELF) She didn't hear.
Try it again later.
Uh, are we safe? This disgusting room looks like it should be condemned.
Oh, yeah! This is your first time in my office! Those computers! They're the answer! They're so old they're not connected to the network.
Which means, they can't be infected by the virus! I can use them to get into the robot's system and stop it from attacking! So you do or you don't want the tour? - (PIERCING MODEM SOUND) - Aah! What is that? Is the Internet crying? My grandma says this is how her computer used to work in the old days 1997! Well, it's going too slow.
It's gonna take hours to get onto the network.
Ooh, we're never gonna get out of here alive! More like ho-ho, oh-no, am I right? It wasn't funny the first time.
(TO HIMSELF) Keep it in your back pocket, Schotz.
It'll hit eventually.
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR) - (SCREAMS) The robot found us! Hey! Have you guys donated to the toy drive yet? - Now? Now is not a good - Donate! - Uh - Here.
Thanks.
And be careful.
There's a killer robot out there.
(KIDS SCREAMING) And you said I was paranoid for putting in all these extra locks.
Hey.
When are we gonna get to eat the Christmas cookies? Ramona, now is not the time! Is anyone else in here thinkin' about cookies? KIDS: Yeah! Ah, I walked right into that one.
Ramona, I am pretty sure there are cookies - in our recording studio! - (GASPS) Anyone else wanna talk about cookies? (OVER MICROPHONE) Are the cookies through this escape door? - No! - Wait Escape door? Oh, that's right! It It leads to the alley out back! We could use it to get out! But w we need the key.
- You still haven't picked up the key? - Oh, this again? The key is behind the reception desk in the lounge.
But how do we get it when there is a killer robot out there? Don't worry.
I have a plan, and it's guaranteed to keep us all safe.
If we hold hands and believe hard enough, a Christmas miracle will save us all! All right, I want everybody to close their eyes and picture a key blowing in here on a magical snowflake Okay, snowflakes, I'm doin' this myself.
I'm going out there.
If I don't make it back, tell my story.
You know, the one about the time I puked on the roller coaster with the loops? It's a very funny story.
Huh.
The robot's gone.
(BEEPING) Ahh! Got the key.
Hello, freedom.
(SCREAMING) (LAUGHS EVILLY) - Ahh! - Destroy! Destroy! Ahh-hah, this is exactly why I don't believe in Christmas miracles! You get me! What? What's going on? I sense you don't believe in the spirit of Christmas, either.
What, you only attack people who love Christmas? Is that a crime? Yes! - (BEEPING) - Paige, the robot hates Christmas.
If you and the kids change outta your holiday sweaters and act like you hate Christmas too, he'll leave you alone.
- (BEEPING) - No.
Sorry, Frankie.
These kids believe in holiday magic, and so do I.
Trust me! All they want right now is a Christmas story.
RAMONA: When are we gonna get to eat the Christmas cookies? PAIGE: Ramona, I am going to wrap my hands around this book.
Twas the night before Christmas! And all through the house - not a creature was stirring, - (BUZZING) not even a mouse.
This is pointless! It's goin' too slow.
- (MODEM NOISE) - Hang on.
I have an idea.
(TAPPING KEYS, BEEPING) (POWER TURNS OFF) Agh.
Rough day with computers for the Bern-Man.
Wait! What does that tube connect to? I always assumed it was a theme park ride for the rats in here.
In the old days, businesses used tubes like this to send messages.
Vuuugle under attack, send help.
I'm stuck.
I don't know where this goes.
But it's our only hope! Man! If it doesn't reach anybody, we're gonna die at the hands of an evil Santa robot.
(SIGHS) Yeah.
Maybe.
And, if the robot escapes Vuuugle, it'll probably destroy the world.
Yeah.
Maybe.
So, since this is the end and all, we might as well kiss, right? Yeah.
Maybe.
Ah.
Well, can't blame a guy for tryin'.
Wait, what? That's right, Bernie.
Given the circumstances, I'm considerin' it.
(FIREWORKS EXPLODING) (DOLPHINS SQUEAKING) ('20S MUSIC PLAYING) (INDIAN MUSIC PLAYING) (ROARING) I mean, yeah, sure.
If that's what you wanna do.
Now Dasher! Now Dancer! - (THUDDING) - Now Pran You can't hide! (KIDS SCREAMING) Which part of "you can't hide" did you not understand? (BEEPING) FRANKIE: We wish you a Merry Christmas We wish you a Merry Christmas - We wish you a Merry Christmas - What the? And a Happy New Year - We wish you a Merry Christmas - Stay here.
We wish you a Merry Christmas We wish you a Merry Christmas And a Happy New Year It's the holidays! Let's all hug and believe in miracles and stuff! I thought we had a connection.
Not cool! - It's the key to the secret door.
- What about you? It's too late for me! Save yourself! Ahh! I said Christmas is canceled.
Liam! You're out of your robot! And you're real! And And you're here! And you have legs! You owe me 10 bucks, by the way.
How did you know to come help us? Oh, I I received this emergency message.
I I have no idea who wrote it, but they saved a lot of lives.
It's a Christmas miracle! Frankie, you believe! It is a Christmas miracle! - (BEEP) - Hey, kids.
Come out, it's safe.
Hey, Liam.
Since you're here, why don't you join us? We can enjoy what's left of Christmas together as a Vuuugle family.
Paige Frankie.
Because it's the holidays no.
Look what I have! My famous holiday fruitcake.
- Try some! - Mm.
You know, we've been through a lot, - we're not in the mood.
- I said And I said, we've been through a lot, we're not in the mood! It's the holidays, you don't have to be so mean! Hey, get away from those toys! Hey, guys.
Um we're so sorry for giving you - such a horrible Christmas.
- Mm.
- Can I say something? - We know, you want your cookies.
No.
I wanna say thank you.
Not only has this been the most exciting Christmas ever, but we got to spend it with our heroes.
We love you guys.
(PAIGE LAUGHS) Aw sorry, Frankie.
I know you hate emotion.
I love the holidays so much! Okay, Bernie.
I've thought about it.
Since it's the end of the world, I guess we can kiss.
Yes! Yes! Yes! I mean cool, cool.
Guys! We just killed the killer Santa robot! Oh, thank goodness! Oh Mwah! Wait, wait wait wait, hold on! Let's not rush to conclusions! Are we sure that the robot didn't just download another virus? - (TAPPING KEYS) - Come on, I need a Bernie miracle! (CRASH) Aww! Every day is worst than the last! Hey, guys, Bizaardvark here with Bernie, Amelia, - and Horse Face Guy.
- Here at Vuuugle, we have a Christmas tradition, where we all hang out in our pajamas in the middle of the day.
And then Horse Face Guy gives us our presents, and we try and guess what they are.
Knowing Horse Face Guy, this is gonna get weird.
Let's see what he's got for us this year.
It's heavy, and it's cold.
Ice? Is this ice? - (GASPING) - It's ice! Thank you so much, Horse Face Guy, it's the most thoughtful gift ever.
It smells like nothing, sounds like nothing, and it feels like nothing.
Let's see what it is.
- It's a horn! - (TOOTING HORN) - (ALL CHEERING) - (HORN TOOTING) - (BOX RATTLING) - I'm guessing it's rocks.
AMELIA: Why would he get you rocks? - Bunch of kazoos! - (INDISTINCT CHATTER) (PLAYING KAZOOS) - (RATTLING PACKAGE) - It's really small, it sounds like small.
- Oh, puzzle! - It's a puzzle! He got you a puzzle! - It's so pretty, I don't know where it is.
- It's a coastline.
- It's another box! - It's another box! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I'm gonna assume there's another box inside the other box.
- No, he wouldn't do that.
- He would do that.
(GASPING AND SCREAMING) - So, we bought a little something for you.
- So generous.
- (GASP) - Woo! - A new pair of shorts! - Do you like 'em? - Yeah, yeah! - (CHEERS) Oh my gosh, that's a great outfit.
ALL: Happy Holidays! MAN'S VOICE: Ho, ho, ho!