Clarence US (2014) s02e14 Episode Script
The Tails of Mardrynia
1 [remote clicks.]
[upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music.]
Ms.
Baker: "The animals danced and feasted a rare night of revelry in the bleak Mardryinian winter.
Suddenly, Mrs.
Higgles' whiskers began tingling.
" [Yawns.]
'Something isn't right,' she said.
'I sense it, too,' said Soothlian McTarver.
The old gopher sniffed the ground inquisitively.
" - Oh! Oh! A-Are - "But unbeknownst to our heroes" Are the animals real? [Students groaning.]
No, Percy, again, this is just a story.
It's not real.
Is he old enough to be in this class? - Ohh.
- Percy.
Hey, Percy.
I think it would be cool if they were real, too.
Me, too! [Both giggling.]
[Knocks on door.]
[dog barking in distance.]
Hey, Percy.
Thanks for having me over.
I brought some celery.
[Gasps.]
[Munches.]
Hey, want to see a surprise? Welcome to the legend of animal town! [Pigeon coos.]
Look I got us all these animals.
[Giggling.]
I made us a little animal world, just like - you were talking about in class.
- Ohh! Aww! And now it's real just like you wanted.
[Giggling.]
- How did you find them? - Well, young Percius [Upbeat music plays.]
[lizard groans.]
[Pigeon coos.]
Ah! Y-You're fine.
You're fine.
I tried to put a cape on this guy, but he wouldn't really let me.
[Pigeon coos.]
Hey, should we give them names? No, they have to name themselves!! Oh, okay, uh, uh, that makes sense.
What are we waiting for? Let's have an adventure! [Pbht! Hiss!.]
So, our heroes take off by ship.
Uh but the remembered flying was better.
[Giggles.]
Where are you? Where'd those little beetle guys go? [Funk music plays.]
A-Are you getting hungry? Check it out.
My mom gave me 20 pizza dollars.
She said that I can get my own pizza now - 'cause I'm a big, responsible boy.
- Can we bring our friends? Aw, yeah! Let's bring them Wait, I really want to do that, but Okay, Clarence, I'm going to book club.
Now, remember, if you're gonna do anything creative just keep it in the garage, okay, hon? - Sorry, buddy.
- Ohh [lizard grunting.]
We'll have plenty of adventures after pizza.
[Enchanting music plays.]
E-E-Excuse me.
Is it safe? It doesn't look safe.
Oh, I'm so famished.
Could this be it the prophecy of the feast finally? Oh, was that me? [Laughs.]
Wow.
Anyway, today may be the day we finally fill our bellies.
[Laughs.]
Still clutching to your fairy tales, old man? - Fartholomew! - Isn't it obvious why we're here, hm? We're here because the pink one locked us up! Fartholomew, Xavius, please.
I must get back to my sons.
Help me find a way out of here.
Both: Hmph! Okay, all right.
Uh, tell me more about this pizza supreme.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, I saw that on a commercial.
Uh-huh.
Mm-hmm.
[Enchanting music plays.]
Wow.
What? [Laughs.]
You really are cooking up some amazing things over there.
[Music stops.]
We should see if our friends want anything special.
What? Frie Wait.
Wait.
Hold on, Jeremy.
Hold on.
We're not playing that right now.
Oh, no, no.
Not you, Jeremy.
I never play games with you.
Mm-hmm.
[Laughs.]
Stop.
What? No, you hang up.
Okay.
The only way out is the way the pink one keeps us locked in.
Cookie: [laughs.]
Coo! Leave it to old Cookie.
Hm.
It's locked.
[Grunts.]
I'm stuck! [Bing-Bong! Rumble!.]
Uh, wha what's that? Oh, no.
We're doomed.
[Doorbell ringing.]
He really came.
[Grunts.]
We called pizza to our house.
[Giggles.]
We're the moms now.
Hello, big, responsible pizza man.
I'm a big boy, too.
- Yeah, here's your pizza.
- Thank you, sir.
- Here, Percy.
- Warm! - That's Percy.
- Yeah.
It's gonna be $16.
25.
Dang it.
I'll be right back.
Here we go.
- Okay, one, two, more for you - Oh, come on.
Oh, sorry.
This is such a mess.
Let me just straighten these out for you here.
[Giggles.]
Hm? [Enchanting music plays.]
Ohh Clarence: 6, 7 rhymes with 11, - 12, 13 - Dale: No, come on, kid.
You're counting wrong.
Just here, let me count.
[Giggling.]
Steady, you nincompoops! [Grunting.]
It's okay, dear.
You tried.
You rest now.
Rest.
Just a little further.
[Grunting, gasps.]
Oh, my.
[All scream.]
[Crash!.]
[Creak!.]
Hi, friends.
I brought you a feast.
All right, show me the "bespeckled" president.
Uh, that one.
That one's Pirate Lincoln.
Guess again.
Oh, man.
I got to go.
Oh, um, why don't you just take them all? Sweet.
Oh, I'm gonna blow this later.
Just made my night.
Percy? [Enchanting music plays.]
[laughter.]
Luxury! Sheer luxury! [Laughs.]
[Laughs.]
Food! [Giggling.]
[Music stops.]
Percy? [Music resumes.]
My children shan't go hungry this winter.
You're my hero, Percius.
- May I kiss your tail, Percius? - No!! Keep dancing! [Music stops.]
[Percy grunting.]
[Dramatic tones play.]
Percy, no! Get out of here.
Shoo! Move it, squirrel.
Get out of here! Go! Shoo! - Feast! Feast! Feast! - Percy! Pizza's not for animals.
It's people food for us.
[Coughing.]
Uh, it's okay.
[Farts.]
[Giggles.]
Bubbles.
- All done.
- Done! Yay! [Giggles.]
Ooh! Clarence, are you gonna kick out all the animals? Not tonight.
[Grunting.]
I'll just let them go in the morning.
- But why can't we keep them? - 'Cause they're animals.
They got to be outside and find their own food and stuff.
But I like the animals.
I know.
Good night, buddy.
Mwah.
[Snoring.]
Night-night.
Face it, Xavius we're through! Perhaps the pink one will throw another feast.
- Or something - Nonsense.
There is no love in the pink one's heart.
Fartholomew, you survived the dark times.
What would you have us do? Ohh, he hates us he keeps us on the ground maybe it is time - # t'was the other way around # - What's he doing? in the house [thunder crashes.]
on the road there's a tyrant sitting smugly on his throne see him laugh, ha-ha-ha - # see him sneer # - Oh, yes.
the only thing he covets are your tears All: # and, ohh, the pink one # Both: # he's a warlock # - He's a jailer - He's not fun.
[Animals murmur.]
- # he tries to break our spirits # - # he must be defeated # end the boy [Snoring.]
All: # end the boy, end the boy # end the boy, end the boy end the boy, end the boy end the boy - # end the boy, end the boy # - This way! end the boy, end the boy - # end the boy, end the boy # - Grab your swords! and, ohh, the pink one - He's twisted! - # he's evil # He's a bad friend! All: # and, ohh, the pink one # [Singsong voice.]
The mighty mighty, mighty, mighty pink one.
- # he's clever, insane # - # we'll end him all the same # All: # end the boy # Let's go get him! end the boy, end the boy end the boy, end the boy - # end the boy, end the boy # - Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aaaah! Aaaaaah! Aah! Ohh! [Singing indistinctly.]
No, no! Oh, no, no! Clarence: Oh, gosh, this is supposed to be the garage.
- # end the boy, end the boy, end the boy # - [grunts.]
Get out of here! All of you shoo! Shoo! Go! You, too.
[Groans.]
Aah! [Grunts.]
- Yes, so much for the prophecy.
- The prophecy lives! There is another.
[Static crackling.]
[Snoring.]
[enchanting music plays.]
Hey, hey, it's all right buddy.
[Whimpering.]
I got some secret cereal.
See? It's good.
Mmm.
What's the matter? You don't like cereal? [Crying.]
I want to I want to live in I want to live in someplace magical, but I but I live in Abbydale! [Sobbing.]
I want to live with Xavius and Diana, and I want to fulfill the prophecy of the feast and go to the mouse wedding! [Sobbing.]
Did you come up with all that yourself? Yes!! Yes, I made it up! - None of it's real, okay?! - Okay.
Okay.
[Sobbing.]
Well, do you think you could start over? [Sniffles.]
"And the animals feasted and feasted for 100 winters.
" The end.
Okay.
Not sure why I let you read that, But, uh, come on guys, let's hear it for Percy's little story he made up.
[Scattered applause.]
So dumb.
- It was real.
- It really happened.
They don't know.
It was real.
[Groans.]
What is he, your baby? Why don't you two just go get [Grunting.]
[Screams.]
[Laughter.]
All right, Mr.
Bugsby! [Chuckles.]
Go! [Screaming.]
[Sighs.]
A bug could really settle down here.
There's so much space.
[music.]
And, in 1778, the founders of Aberdale worked together with the native Americans to preserve the cultural artifacts of the different tribes blah, blah, blah, blah-blah blah.
Blah-blah blah blah-blah.
[groans.]
Blah blah-blah blah.
Two men had an important meeting in New Dangleton in 177 [Tweeting.]
[Whoosh.]
[Bird tweeting.]
Ms.
Baker, look! A blue jay.
Actually, I'm not sure that is a blue jay.
Hmm.
It could be a cardinal.
- They do share common ancestry.
- Jeff, sit down, please.
Clarence, it's fine.
Just listen, okay? Everyone turn to page 145.
[Class muttering.]
- Belson: Aw, you got to be kidding me.
- Boy: Aw, man.
Ms.
Baker, I have to go to the bathroom.
Number one or number poo? [Giggles.]
What?! Uh Never never mind.
I can accompany you to the bathroom, - 'cause, you know, danger.
- Just, everyone look! I-I know this stuff seems kind of dull, right? But it's actually pretty fascinating.
[Chuckles.]
Oh, wow.
- I think it is a blue jay.
- Jeff! Maybe it's a number-two jay.
[Laughter.]
Burn.
[Laughter continues.]
[School bell rings.]
You guys are gonna spend your recess today inside, organizing all these dusty, old books in [Blows.]
alphabetical order.
- But it was all Malessica's fault.
- [Scoffs.]
What?! Well, no, it's not just today.
You guys have been disrupting the class all week.
Hopefully, this will help you learn your lesson.
[Thump!.]
- Aw, man.
- Alphabetical? That's like homework for recess.
I do this all the time at home.
I-It really doesn't take too long if you just split the shelves.
We'll have it done in no time.
[Mystical music plays.]
Wha? What is this? Wow.
What What the heck? "My name is henry Coogan, and I am 10 years old" Henry Coogan: I have hidden the second half of the treasure map in the globe of the baker.
I don't have much time to explain "the riches the treasure will bring.
[Video game chirps.]
They are coming after me.
- They are almost here.
" - What's that? A letter from your girlfriend? [Snorts.]
That was so good.
No.
It's a secret buried-treasure map that Coogan left to find a a special treasure.
Clarence, there's no one who would ever bury treasure in Aberdale.
It's always some desert island.
Now, come help us with these books.
[Thump!.]
[Gasps.]
Whoa.
Look.
There's a bunch of gibberish on here.
Jeff, it's Coogan's map! Don't you see? We can find the treasure and fill, like, five swimming pools with it and swim in it every day.
And we have the maps right here! - It looks like they go together.
- She's right.
[Whistle!.]
All: Wow! What's all that writing mean? Can someone translate? Nathan, that's English.
[Giggles.]
"Follow the eye, see where it looks.
A secret lies in the hall of books.
The next is in the grounds of play, dig in the sands where children sway.
United in the light of day, a knowing eye will show the way.
From books to sands to treasure doors, the sweetest riches will soon be yours.
" All: Whoa! [Nathan laughs.]
That looks like the library.
The treasure's probably there.
- Clarence, we don't even know if it's in Aber - Give me that.
I got the high score on "Treasure hunter 2.
" This should be a piece of cake.
Books, library, sands, playgrounds, easy.
Wha ugh.
You newbs! There's a map on the back.
Yep.
There's definitely a treasure buried in this school.
Everybody split up.
I'll take the muscle.
[Laughs.]
Nathan: Yeah, all right.
Library treasure hunt! [Farts.]
Coogan, here I come! [Mystical music plays.]
Whoa.
Just like the map said.
Huh? Traps.
Uh-huh! Mm-hmm! [Whimpers.]
Oh.
Whew.
Whew.
[Snoring.]
Woman: [through headphones.]
?Mi amor piero no quiers? Pero no tiendo! [Computer scanning, beeping.]
Te mi corazón! Man: [Scottish accent.]
Just come closer, lass.
You know I don't understand ye.
[Warbling.]
[Music.]
Guh! Ow! Ooh.
Pop-up books.
Whaaa! Oof! [Giggles.]
Recesssss! Here we are "the sands of play.
" You guys should dig somewhere around here.
Um, the map said to follow the eye, so I'm gonna go look for more clues.
All right.
Who's left? Nathan get diggin'.
[Zoop!.]
Belson: Aw, rats.
Uh, I don't know if that's a rat.
[Sadly.]
A squirrel, maybe, or a vole.
Well, yep, you're just gonna have to dig up the whole sandbox.
[Swings clinking.]
Hey, you guys! I think I found something! - What? - Oh, good job, Amy! Don't touch anything! So, I've discounted the eye's pagan origins and narrowed Coogan down to the Etruscan decent.
[Mouse clicking.]
But I just keep feeling like I'm missing some sort of Egyptian link.
Are you having any luck? [Creak!.]
[Malessica gasps.]
It's a narwhal! [Gasps.]
I hadn't even thought of that.
[Keyboard clacking.]
[Giggles.]
Yay! [School bell rings.]
Lunch! [Panting.]
Ohh! Oh, no.
[Grunts.]
Oh, yeah.
[Grunts.]
This is gonna be big.
You'll see.
I can tell.
[Thump!.]
[Gasps.]
Huh? [Laughs.]
Wait.
What the heck is this? - Um, Jeff - So close, so close.
- Are you okay? - So close.
- Please be okay.
- So close.
Yes, I am so close.
I think I've found the meaning behind the eye of Coogan.
Wait.
No, no, no.
It's all wrong! "And then Gatsby said, 'I like you, old sport.
' And they drove off.
" [Pages rustle.]
[Gasps.]
The knowing eyes! [Wheels rolling.]
[Mystical music plays.]
[Ting!.]
Coogan.
[Whoosh!.]
Aah! [Clink!.]
Coogan rock-a-te-caw! Coogan rock-a-hey! [Thump!.]
Aah! [Epic music plays.]
Oh! A Coogan! [Rumbling.]
[Panting.]
[Squeak!.]
Oh! Aaaah! [Panting.]
Everybody, save yourselves! [Echoing.]
It's a Coogan! Hmm.
What do you think this is? Oh! It could be a chair! Maybe it is a tiny chair or a little toilet chair.
But there's no chamber pot.
Ugh, no.
That obviously goes in here.
- Oh.
What does that do? - I don't know.
Do I have to answer everything? - Jeff, what do you think? - Uh, now's not a good time.
[Screeching.]
I am so close! I'm cross-referencing "united in the light of day, a knowing eye will show the way.
" [Shimmer!.]
If Aberdale Elementary School was established 1967, then the amount of daylight per day in march of that year would have been 11 hours, 31 minutes, - Hmm.
- and 12 hours, 14 minutes giving a differential window of time - It looks like this might - Ugh.
Move, Amy.
[Sighs.]
I don't get it.
This doesn't look like anything.
- Is it another clue? - M-M-Maybe it's a cipher, - and we need to - Uh, hey.
- Wait.
Jeff, what part are you looking at? - into code [Indistinct arguing.]
[Groans.]
Guys, I can't see! - Guys! - Wha! [Shimmer!.]
Unh! [Sizzle!.]
Whoa.
Look, Malessica's laser eyes made a clue! Belson: Room 224? What's, uh, room 224? [Projector whirring.]
[Suspenseful music plays.]
[Slow applause.]
[Click!.]
- Ms.
Baker? - [laughs.]
You guys caught me.
- Do you have the Coogan treasure? - Well, sort of.
[Jaunty music plays.]
[saw whirring.]
[Scribbling.]
[Coffee trickling.]
[Snap!.]
This is just a little something I put together real quick to help you guys learn to focus, and you guys did great.
Oh.
So the Coogan treasure was just school? - Wait a second.
She's lying! - Ms.
Baker: W-What? She just wants the Coogan treasure for herself! - I bet there's a clue in the cake! - Aah! Argh! [Splat!.]
[Grunting.]
Give us a clue, come on! No, no, no, no! Stop! Stop! There is no Coogan! I made it up.
It's just my brand of glasses! [Grunting.]
[panting.]
There's an address in here.
Come on, let's go.
[All panting.]
Clarence: Coogan! [Up-tempo music plays.]
[Music stops.]
P-Peterson? Peterson, Peterson, Peterson.
[Gasps.]
It's an anagram for "a pet store!" [Up-tempo music plays.]
[Seagulls squawking.]
[Music stops, scooter revs.]
- Nathan: Uh, what do we do now? - Look, the eye! [All panting.]
[Up-tempo music plays.]
[Engine revs.]
[Huffing.]
N-No! Wait! Coogan! I just wanna take your precious treasure.
[Gasps.]
You guys, we're here.
[Suspenseful music plays.]
[Whispering.]
We found it.
[Vacuum whirring.]
I don't know.
I just I thought maybe trying some alternative teaching methods might be good for them.
[Vacuum stops.]
If there's one thing I learned, it's that there's some kids you can't save.
Well, I mean, it's it's not that bad.
I don't think it's that bad.
At least Jeff gets good grades.
Doesn't he? Ms.
Baker! Wha-What are you guys doing here? School's over.
[Imitating trumpet fanfare.]
Grug! [Spits.]
[clink!.]
We found the Coogan's treasure! [Dramatic music plays.]
Ugh! Wh-Where? Uh, Clarence, I I told you, there is no [Dog barks.]
Wha? [Barking.]
[Gasps.]
[all shouting indistinctly.]
[Dog barks.]
Aah! Oh, no! The revenge of Coogan! Woman: Chunk! Heel! [Chain jangles.]
[Ominous music plays.]
- Which one of you has my eye? - Uh, Coogan? Not quite, peppermint stick.
Name's Teri Cogan.
Your kids stole my diamond eye.
Oh, my gosh! Clarence, give me that.
I'm so sorry, Ms.
Cogan.
It It was a school project - that just got out of hand, I'm - Out of hand to my yard? [Splat!.]
Yeah.
Uh, s-sorry again.
Eh, it's okay.
Kids is kids.
[Laughs.]
Hey, I don't ever want to see y'all on my property again.
Curiosity can be a dangerous thing.
Yeah, look what it did to the cat.
[Gasps.]
Unh! Oh! Oh! Uh, wait, Coogan! Coogan, you forgot your [Epic music plays.]
A treasure! But uh Oh! Ahh! Man: Coogan!
[upbeat music plays.]
I don't care what you say! I'm gonna do what I want all day! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! I'm the king of the world! [Music.]
Ms.
Baker: "The animals danced and feasted a rare night of revelry in the bleak Mardryinian winter.
Suddenly, Mrs.
Higgles' whiskers began tingling.
" [Yawns.]
'Something isn't right,' she said.
'I sense it, too,' said Soothlian McTarver.
The old gopher sniffed the ground inquisitively.
" - Oh! Oh! A-Are - "But unbeknownst to our heroes" Are the animals real? [Students groaning.]
No, Percy, again, this is just a story.
It's not real.
Is he old enough to be in this class? - Ohh.
- Percy.
Hey, Percy.
I think it would be cool if they were real, too.
Me, too! [Both giggling.]
[Knocks on door.]
[dog barking in distance.]
Hey, Percy.
Thanks for having me over.
I brought some celery.
[Gasps.]
[Munches.]
Hey, want to see a surprise? Welcome to the legend of animal town! [Pigeon coos.]
Look I got us all these animals.
[Giggling.]
I made us a little animal world, just like - you were talking about in class.
- Ohh! Aww! And now it's real just like you wanted.
[Giggling.]
- How did you find them? - Well, young Percius [Upbeat music plays.]
[lizard groans.]
[Pigeon coos.]
Ah! Y-You're fine.
You're fine.
I tried to put a cape on this guy, but he wouldn't really let me.
[Pigeon coos.]
Hey, should we give them names? No, they have to name themselves!! Oh, okay, uh, uh, that makes sense.
What are we waiting for? Let's have an adventure! [Pbht! Hiss!.]
So, our heroes take off by ship.
Uh but the remembered flying was better.
[Giggles.]
Where are you? Where'd those little beetle guys go? [Funk music plays.]
A-Are you getting hungry? Check it out.
My mom gave me 20 pizza dollars.
She said that I can get my own pizza now - 'cause I'm a big, responsible boy.
- Can we bring our friends? Aw, yeah! Let's bring them Wait, I really want to do that, but Okay, Clarence, I'm going to book club.
Now, remember, if you're gonna do anything creative just keep it in the garage, okay, hon? - Sorry, buddy.
- Ohh [lizard grunting.]
We'll have plenty of adventures after pizza.
[Enchanting music plays.]
E-E-Excuse me.
Is it safe? It doesn't look safe.
Oh, I'm so famished.
Could this be it the prophecy of the feast finally? Oh, was that me? [Laughs.]
Wow.
Anyway, today may be the day we finally fill our bellies.
[Laughs.]
Still clutching to your fairy tales, old man? - Fartholomew! - Isn't it obvious why we're here, hm? We're here because the pink one locked us up! Fartholomew, Xavius, please.
I must get back to my sons.
Help me find a way out of here.
Both: Hmph! Okay, all right.
Uh, tell me more about this pizza supreme.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, I saw that on a commercial.
Uh-huh.
Mm-hmm.
[Enchanting music plays.]
Wow.
What? [Laughs.]
You really are cooking up some amazing things over there.
[Music stops.]
We should see if our friends want anything special.
What? Frie Wait.
Wait.
Hold on, Jeremy.
Hold on.
We're not playing that right now.
Oh, no, no.
Not you, Jeremy.
I never play games with you.
Mm-hmm.
[Laughs.]
Stop.
What? No, you hang up.
Okay.
The only way out is the way the pink one keeps us locked in.
Cookie: [laughs.]
Coo! Leave it to old Cookie.
Hm.
It's locked.
[Grunts.]
I'm stuck! [Bing-Bong! Rumble!.]
Uh, wha what's that? Oh, no.
We're doomed.
[Doorbell ringing.]
He really came.
[Grunts.]
We called pizza to our house.
[Giggles.]
We're the moms now.
Hello, big, responsible pizza man.
I'm a big boy, too.
- Yeah, here's your pizza.
- Thank you, sir.
- Here, Percy.
- Warm! - That's Percy.
- Yeah.
It's gonna be $16.
25.
Dang it.
I'll be right back.
Here we go.
- Okay, one, two, more for you - Oh, come on.
Oh, sorry.
This is such a mess.
Let me just straighten these out for you here.
[Giggles.]
Hm? [Enchanting music plays.]
Ohh Clarence: 6, 7 rhymes with 11, - 12, 13 - Dale: No, come on, kid.
You're counting wrong.
Just here, let me count.
[Giggling.]
Steady, you nincompoops! [Grunting.]
It's okay, dear.
You tried.
You rest now.
Rest.
Just a little further.
[Grunting, gasps.]
Oh, my.
[All scream.]
[Crash!.]
[Creak!.]
Hi, friends.
I brought you a feast.
All right, show me the "bespeckled" president.
Uh, that one.
That one's Pirate Lincoln.
Guess again.
Oh, man.
I got to go.
Oh, um, why don't you just take them all? Sweet.
Oh, I'm gonna blow this later.
Just made my night.
Percy? [Enchanting music plays.]
[laughter.]
Luxury! Sheer luxury! [Laughs.]
[Laughs.]
Food! [Giggling.]
[Music stops.]
Percy? [Music resumes.]
My children shan't go hungry this winter.
You're my hero, Percius.
- May I kiss your tail, Percius? - No!! Keep dancing! [Music stops.]
[Percy grunting.]
[Dramatic tones play.]
Percy, no! Get out of here.
Shoo! Move it, squirrel.
Get out of here! Go! Shoo! - Feast! Feast! Feast! - Percy! Pizza's not for animals.
It's people food for us.
[Coughing.]
Uh, it's okay.
[Farts.]
[Giggles.]
Bubbles.
- All done.
- Done! Yay! [Giggles.]
Ooh! Clarence, are you gonna kick out all the animals? Not tonight.
[Grunting.]
I'll just let them go in the morning.
- But why can't we keep them? - 'Cause they're animals.
They got to be outside and find their own food and stuff.
But I like the animals.
I know.
Good night, buddy.
Mwah.
[Snoring.]
Night-night.
Face it, Xavius we're through! Perhaps the pink one will throw another feast.
- Or something - Nonsense.
There is no love in the pink one's heart.
Fartholomew, you survived the dark times.
What would you have us do? Ohh, he hates us he keeps us on the ground maybe it is time - # t'was the other way around # - What's he doing? in the house [thunder crashes.]
on the road there's a tyrant sitting smugly on his throne see him laugh, ha-ha-ha - # see him sneer # - Oh, yes.
the only thing he covets are your tears All: # and, ohh, the pink one # Both: # he's a warlock # - He's a jailer - He's not fun.
[Animals murmur.]
- # he tries to break our spirits # - # he must be defeated # end the boy [Snoring.]
All: # end the boy, end the boy # end the boy, end the boy end the boy, end the boy end the boy - # end the boy, end the boy # - This way! end the boy, end the boy - # end the boy, end the boy # - Grab your swords! and, ohh, the pink one - He's twisted! - # he's evil # He's a bad friend! All: # and, ohh, the pink one # [Singsong voice.]
The mighty mighty, mighty, mighty pink one.
- # he's clever, insane # - # we'll end him all the same # All: # end the boy # Let's go get him! end the boy, end the boy end the boy, end the boy - # end the boy, end the boy # - Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aaaah! Aaaaaah! Aah! Ohh! [Singing indistinctly.]
No, no! Oh, no, no! Clarence: Oh, gosh, this is supposed to be the garage.
- # end the boy, end the boy, end the boy # - [grunts.]
Get out of here! All of you shoo! Shoo! Go! You, too.
[Groans.]
Aah! [Grunts.]
- Yes, so much for the prophecy.
- The prophecy lives! There is another.
[Static crackling.]
[Snoring.]
[enchanting music plays.]
Hey, hey, it's all right buddy.
[Whimpering.]
I got some secret cereal.
See? It's good.
Mmm.
What's the matter? You don't like cereal? [Crying.]
I want to I want to live in I want to live in someplace magical, but I but I live in Abbydale! [Sobbing.]
I want to live with Xavius and Diana, and I want to fulfill the prophecy of the feast and go to the mouse wedding! [Sobbing.]
Did you come up with all that yourself? Yes!! Yes, I made it up! - None of it's real, okay?! - Okay.
Okay.
[Sobbing.]
Well, do you think you could start over? [Sniffles.]
"And the animals feasted and feasted for 100 winters.
" The end.
Okay.
Not sure why I let you read that, But, uh, come on guys, let's hear it for Percy's little story he made up.
[Scattered applause.]
So dumb.
- It was real.
- It really happened.
They don't know.
It was real.
[Groans.]
What is he, your baby? Why don't you two just go get [Grunting.]
[Screams.]
[Laughter.]
All right, Mr.
Bugsby! [Chuckles.]
Go! [Screaming.]
[Sighs.]
A bug could really settle down here.
There's so much space.
[music.]
And, in 1778, the founders of Aberdale worked together with the native Americans to preserve the cultural artifacts of the different tribes blah, blah, blah, blah-blah blah.
Blah-blah blah blah-blah.
[groans.]
Blah blah-blah blah.
Two men had an important meeting in New Dangleton in 177 [Tweeting.]
[Whoosh.]
[Bird tweeting.]
Ms.
Baker, look! A blue jay.
Actually, I'm not sure that is a blue jay.
Hmm.
It could be a cardinal.
- They do share common ancestry.
- Jeff, sit down, please.
Clarence, it's fine.
Just listen, okay? Everyone turn to page 145.
[Class muttering.]
- Belson: Aw, you got to be kidding me.
- Boy: Aw, man.
Ms.
Baker, I have to go to the bathroom.
Number one or number poo? [Giggles.]
What?! Uh Never never mind.
I can accompany you to the bathroom, - 'cause, you know, danger.
- Just, everyone look! I-I know this stuff seems kind of dull, right? But it's actually pretty fascinating.
[Chuckles.]
Oh, wow.
- I think it is a blue jay.
- Jeff! Maybe it's a number-two jay.
[Laughter.]
Burn.
[Laughter continues.]
[School bell rings.]
You guys are gonna spend your recess today inside, organizing all these dusty, old books in [Blows.]
alphabetical order.
- But it was all Malessica's fault.
- [Scoffs.]
What?! Well, no, it's not just today.
You guys have been disrupting the class all week.
Hopefully, this will help you learn your lesson.
[Thump!.]
- Aw, man.
- Alphabetical? That's like homework for recess.
I do this all the time at home.
I-It really doesn't take too long if you just split the shelves.
We'll have it done in no time.
[Mystical music plays.]
Wha? What is this? Wow.
What What the heck? "My name is henry Coogan, and I am 10 years old" Henry Coogan: I have hidden the second half of the treasure map in the globe of the baker.
I don't have much time to explain "the riches the treasure will bring.
[Video game chirps.]
They are coming after me.
- They are almost here.
" - What's that? A letter from your girlfriend? [Snorts.]
That was so good.
No.
It's a secret buried-treasure map that Coogan left to find a a special treasure.
Clarence, there's no one who would ever bury treasure in Aberdale.
It's always some desert island.
Now, come help us with these books.
[Thump!.]
[Gasps.]
Whoa.
Look.
There's a bunch of gibberish on here.
Jeff, it's Coogan's map! Don't you see? We can find the treasure and fill, like, five swimming pools with it and swim in it every day.
And we have the maps right here! - It looks like they go together.
- She's right.
[Whistle!.]
All: Wow! What's all that writing mean? Can someone translate? Nathan, that's English.
[Giggles.]
"Follow the eye, see where it looks.
A secret lies in the hall of books.
The next is in the grounds of play, dig in the sands where children sway.
United in the light of day, a knowing eye will show the way.
From books to sands to treasure doors, the sweetest riches will soon be yours.
" All: Whoa! [Nathan laughs.]
That looks like the library.
The treasure's probably there.
- Clarence, we don't even know if it's in Aber - Give me that.
I got the high score on "Treasure hunter 2.
" This should be a piece of cake.
Books, library, sands, playgrounds, easy.
Wha ugh.
You newbs! There's a map on the back.
Yep.
There's definitely a treasure buried in this school.
Everybody split up.
I'll take the muscle.
[Laughs.]
Nathan: Yeah, all right.
Library treasure hunt! [Farts.]
Coogan, here I come! [Mystical music plays.]
Whoa.
Just like the map said.
Huh? Traps.
Uh-huh! Mm-hmm! [Whimpers.]
Oh.
Whew.
Whew.
[Snoring.]
Woman: [through headphones.]
?Mi amor piero no quiers? Pero no tiendo! [Computer scanning, beeping.]
Te mi corazón! Man: [Scottish accent.]
Just come closer, lass.
You know I don't understand ye.
[Warbling.]
[Music.]
Guh! Ow! Ooh.
Pop-up books.
Whaaa! Oof! [Giggles.]
Recesssss! Here we are "the sands of play.
" You guys should dig somewhere around here.
Um, the map said to follow the eye, so I'm gonna go look for more clues.
All right.
Who's left? Nathan get diggin'.
[Zoop!.]
Belson: Aw, rats.
Uh, I don't know if that's a rat.
[Sadly.]
A squirrel, maybe, or a vole.
Well, yep, you're just gonna have to dig up the whole sandbox.
[Swings clinking.]
Hey, you guys! I think I found something! - What? - Oh, good job, Amy! Don't touch anything! So, I've discounted the eye's pagan origins and narrowed Coogan down to the Etruscan decent.
[Mouse clicking.]
But I just keep feeling like I'm missing some sort of Egyptian link.
Are you having any luck? [Creak!.]
[Malessica gasps.]
It's a narwhal! [Gasps.]
I hadn't even thought of that.
[Keyboard clacking.]
[Giggles.]
Yay! [School bell rings.]
Lunch! [Panting.]
Ohh! Oh, no.
[Grunts.]
Oh, yeah.
[Grunts.]
This is gonna be big.
You'll see.
I can tell.
[Thump!.]
[Gasps.]
Huh? [Laughs.]
Wait.
What the heck is this? - Um, Jeff - So close, so close.
- Are you okay? - So close.
- Please be okay.
- So close.
Yes, I am so close.
I think I've found the meaning behind the eye of Coogan.
Wait.
No, no, no.
It's all wrong! "And then Gatsby said, 'I like you, old sport.
' And they drove off.
" [Pages rustle.]
[Gasps.]
The knowing eyes! [Wheels rolling.]
[Mystical music plays.]
[Ting!.]
Coogan.
[Whoosh!.]
Aah! [Clink!.]
Coogan rock-a-te-caw! Coogan rock-a-hey! [Thump!.]
Aah! [Epic music plays.]
Oh! A Coogan! [Rumbling.]
[Panting.]
[Squeak!.]
Oh! Aaaah! [Panting.]
Everybody, save yourselves! [Echoing.]
It's a Coogan! Hmm.
What do you think this is? Oh! It could be a chair! Maybe it is a tiny chair or a little toilet chair.
But there's no chamber pot.
Ugh, no.
That obviously goes in here.
- Oh.
What does that do? - I don't know.
Do I have to answer everything? - Jeff, what do you think? - Uh, now's not a good time.
[Screeching.]
I am so close! I'm cross-referencing "united in the light of day, a knowing eye will show the way.
" [Shimmer!.]
If Aberdale Elementary School was established 1967, then the amount of daylight per day in march of that year would have been 11 hours, 31 minutes, - Hmm.
- and 12 hours, 14 minutes giving a differential window of time - It looks like this might - Ugh.
Move, Amy.
[Sighs.]
I don't get it.
This doesn't look like anything.
- Is it another clue? - M-M-Maybe it's a cipher, - and we need to - Uh, hey.
- Wait.
Jeff, what part are you looking at? - into code [Indistinct arguing.]
[Groans.]
Guys, I can't see! - Guys! - Wha! [Shimmer!.]
Unh! [Sizzle!.]
Whoa.
Look, Malessica's laser eyes made a clue! Belson: Room 224? What's, uh, room 224? [Projector whirring.]
[Suspenseful music plays.]
[Slow applause.]
[Click!.]
- Ms.
Baker? - [laughs.]
You guys caught me.
- Do you have the Coogan treasure? - Well, sort of.
[Jaunty music plays.]
[saw whirring.]
[Scribbling.]
[Coffee trickling.]
[Snap!.]
This is just a little something I put together real quick to help you guys learn to focus, and you guys did great.
Oh.
So the Coogan treasure was just school? - Wait a second.
She's lying! - Ms.
Baker: W-What? She just wants the Coogan treasure for herself! - I bet there's a clue in the cake! - Aah! Argh! [Splat!.]
[Grunting.]
Give us a clue, come on! No, no, no, no! Stop! Stop! There is no Coogan! I made it up.
It's just my brand of glasses! [Grunting.]
[panting.]
There's an address in here.
Come on, let's go.
[All panting.]
Clarence: Coogan! [Up-tempo music plays.]
[Music stops.]
P-Peterson? Peterson, Peterson, Peterson.
[Gasps.]
It's an anagram for "a pet store!" [Up-tempo music plays.]
[Seagulls squawking.]
[Music stops, scooter revs.]
- Nathan: Uh, what do we do now? - Look, the eye! [All panting.]
[Up-tempo music plays.]
[Engine revs.]
[Huffing.]
N-No! Wait! Coogan! I just wanna take your precious treasure.
[Gasps.]
You guys, we're here.
[Suspenseful music plays.]
[Whispering.]
We found it.
[Vacuum whirring.]
I don't know.
I just I thought maybe trying some alternative teaching methods might be good for them.
[Vacuum stops.]
If there's one thing I learned, it's that there's some kids you can't save.
Well, I mean, it's it's not that bad.
I don't think it's that bad.
At least Jeff gets good grades.
Doesn't he? Ms.
Baker! Wha-What are you guys doing here? School's over.
[Imitating trumpet fanfare.]
Grug! [Spits.]
[clink!.]
We found the Coogan's treasure! [Dramatic music plays.]
Ugh! Wh-Where? Uh, Clarence, I I told you, there is no [Dog barks.]
Wha? [Barking.]
[Gasps.]
[all shouting indistinctly.]
[Dog barks.]
Aah! Oh, no! The revenge of Coogan! Woman: Chunk! Heel! [Chain jangles.]
[Ominous music plays.]
- Which one of you has my eye? - Uh, Coogan? Not quite, peppermint stick.
Name's Teri Cogan.
Your kids stole my diamond eye.
Oh, my gosh! Clarence, give me that.
I'm so sorry, Ms.
Cogan.
It It was a school project - that just got out of hand, I'm - Out of hand to my yard? [Splat!.]
Yeah.
Uh, s-sorry again.
Eh, it's okay.
Kids is kids.
[Laughs.]
Hey, I don't ever want to see y'all on my property again.
Curiosity can be a dangerous thing.
Yeah, look what it did to the cat.
[Gasps.]
Unh! Oh! Oh! Uh, wait, Coogan! Coogan, you forgot your [Epic music plays.]
A treasure! But uh Oh! Ahh! Man: Coogan!