Cow and Chicken (1997) s02e14 Episode Script
Cow and Chicken Reclining
1
Oh, yeah!
Nope.
Nope!
Yeah!
Well, Manure The Bear!
For the love of Boneless Grandma!
Help! Help! Help!
Oh, no! Not again!
Cow? Chicken? Fetch the Gums of Life.
My science project.
The Gums of Life!
Well, that does it!
There was that near fatal accident
with "the chair" last month, and now this.
I am dumping this chair
on a deserted country road
and getting a new one.
Really?
You'd junk your favorite chair?
Oh, you know it, momma.
It's gonna take a long trip on a short pier!
This chair is a menace to society.
Anyway, it's been guzzling gas
like nobody's business.
It has got to go!
I'll go get the pickup truck.
I cannot believe Dad is really
gonna throw out "the chair"!
Oh, yes. Well, Dad loves "the chair".
Did you ever sit in it, Chicken?
You kiddin'?
Dad's never let nobody sit in "the chair".
Not even Mom.
And now it is going to be dumped
on a deserted country road,
and I will never get to sit in it!
This is great.
Cow, why don't you get up
and allow me to experience
this magic moment in peace!
I can't! I'm stuck.
The pickup's ready, Momma!
Come give me a hand with the death trap.
Here comes Dad!
Oh, he'll have your hide
if he finds us sittin' in his chair.
I'm sure gonna miss
this old chair, Momma.
And I'm going to miss
having to rescue you, Dear.
Oh, thank goodness. You're just in time.
Oh, she's got freckles on her butt, ♪
I don't care. ♪
She's got freckles on her knee, ♪
I don't care. ♪
And here's the famous
"Nostrils On Fire" collage
by Robert Maple Syrup.
This genuine work of art is floating
in a tub of the artist's own drool.
And can be yours
for a mere twenty-eight thousand.
What is that?
That?
That
that is Cow and Chicken Reclining.
A steal at only fifty thousand bucks!
Hello. We're stuck.
Yeah. You think one of yous
could give us a hand,
or the Gums of Life or somethin'?
It's brilliant!
It's a cry of freedom from empty suburbia!
To furnish our homes
is to imprison ourselves!
It boldly ripped the upholstery aside
and says,
"let us out, let us out!"
Let us out! Let us out!
I'll have a check for you
first thing in the morning.
I must have Cow and Chicken Reclining.
Stop! Thieves!
Ladies! Don't make me come after you!
Hurry! Some pantsless guy is chasing us!
So, I find the guy living under a bridge,
and he says,
"This ain't a studio. It's an agency."
What's the world comin' to?
Stop! Thieves!
Dear sweet mother of life!
Hey! Give us back our stolen chair!
Can't you hear me?
You blind or somethin'?
Hey, Momma?
This must be a commercial
for that furniture store
that's bringin' me my new chair today!
Look, Momma! It's my new chair!
What service!
Momma, just this once,
I want you to share this thrill with me.
You first.
What a manly chair!
My turn!
Look, Momma! This new chair gives milk!
Well, heck! What do we need Cow for?
You know, it's times like these
that make me proud to be a woman.
Me, too!
Me, too.
All right. Me, too.
Whatcha doin', Chicken?
I'm bee flyin'. What does it look like?
Can I fly him?
Only men can fly bees.
Here's your dumb bee!
You don't need pants
for the victory dance ♪
'Cause Baboon
better than Weasel ♪
I.R. Baboon, big
star of cartoon ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.R. Baboon reigns
king in his mind ♪
He's just as good as
the weaselly kind ♪
But round every corner,
he's likely to find ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.M. Weasel!
I.M. Weasel!
The Old Cartoon Stars Retirement Home.
Yeah, yeah.
This is where your animated heroes
of yesteryear spend their golden years.
Guys like Cow and Chicken.
Elderly boy genius, Dexter,
of laboratory fame.
Good old Doggy Daddy.
That ingrate retired teenager Jonny Quest.
And, of course, everyone's favorite horse,
Quick Draw McGraw.
And me.
I.M. Weasel, reading my old poetry
I've forgotten I wrote.
But the years do pass quickly.
How long have we known each other,
Loulabelle?
Let's see.
About four years, I reckon.
Oh, wow.
That's almost a lifetime in Weasel years.
If I kick the bucket tomorrow,
I'll go out with a smile.
Hey! I.R. Baboon is here.
The old retirement trailer
for cartoon Sidekicks.
No place for big star like I.R. Baboon!
Here is losers, like Betty, Boo-Boo,
Old Pebbles, and Old Bam-Bam!
Hadji, and wrinkly Ba-Ba-Louie!
I.R. cartoon star!
I.R. be big!
It cartoons that got small.
I.R. not belong in no sidekick trailer!
I don't think he belongs here, either.
I think they should lock him up
in the Old Cartoon Villains Asylum.
The Old Cartoon Villains Asylum.
Here we've got Ranger Smith,
old mean Mister Slate and me!
The Red Guy!
I.R. should living up there
in Old Cartoon Stars Home!
I.R. Cartoon Star more than Weasel!
I.R. even born first! Before Weasel!
That won't be necessary, Doctor.
I assure you that I am breathing
and functioning properly.
Please, put me down.
And don't touch my soft spot.
Name's Weasel. And you are?
Loulabelle.
What a lovely name.
Why, hello, nurse.
Changing time I see. Allow me.
I.R. can doing that!
Oh, Pebby-Poo-Poo!
Let me telling you about
when I.R. in high school.
Knock it off!
Knock it off! Knock it off!
Quit picking on her!
She's more puny than you are.
Oh, minding your bees wax, Weasel!
Yeah, Weasel! I can take care of myself!
See?
You is dead meat, girlie pie!
Break it up!
Lemme at him! I'll sucker punch him!
See? I.R. still having scar.
Hey, Donkey Boy!
Ever tell you when I.R. basketball star?
And opening the third quarter
of the annual college basketball finals,
the Saskatchewan Honeyshorts
are still trying to catch up
to the toughest team in the land,
the Montreal Mad Men!
It looks like the Honeyshorts' only hope
at this point
is their all-star player, I.M. Weasel!
I.M. Weasel!
Why not sometimes I.R. game winning?
Honeyshort down.
Things don't look good
for the mangled Honeyshorts.
The Mad Men have even maimed
the Honey Shorts Cheerleaders.
Shoot to I.R.!
Yay! Honeyshorts win!
I.R. not taking it no more!
I.R. doing something 'bout it!
Beat it, old original version of Jonny Quest.
Back again, I see.
Yes! This time I.R. staying!
I.R. finally getting what I.R. deserving.
Your diaper, Sir.
Why thank you, Dear.
I.R. still can doing that!
You know, some things never change,
even when they should change.
Oh, yeah!
Nope.
Nope!
Yeah!
Well, Manure The Bear!
For the love of Boneless Grandma!
Help! Help! Help!
Oh, no! Not again!
Cow? Chicken? Fetch the Gums of Life.
My science project.
The Gums of Life!
Well, that does it!
There was that near fatal accident
with "the chair" last month, and now this.
I am dumping this chair
on a deserted country road
and getting a new one.
Really?
You'd junk your favorite chair?
Oh, you know it, momma.
It's gonna take a long trip on a short pier!
This chair is a menace to society.
Anyway, it's been guzzling gas
like nobody's business.
It has got to go!
I'll go get the pickup truck.
I cannot believe Dad is really
gonna throw out "the chair"!
Oh, yes. Well, Dad loves "the chair".
Did you ever sit in it, Chicken?
You kiddin'?
Dad's never let nobody sit in "the chair".
Not even Mom.
And now it is going to be dumped
on a deserted country road,
and I will never get to sit in it!
This is great.
Cow, why don't you get up
and allow me to experience
this magic moment in peace!
I can't! I'm stuck.
The pickup's ready, Momma!
Come give me a hand with the death trap.
Here comes Dad!
Oh, he'll have your hide
if he finds us sittin' in his chair.
I'm sure gonna miss
this old chair, Momma.
And I'm going to miss
having to rescue you, Dear.
Oh, thank goodness. You're just in time.
Oh, she's got freckles on her butt, ♪
I don't care. ♪
She's got freckles on her knee, ♪
I don't care. ♪
And here's the famous
"Nostrils On Fire" collage
by Robert Maple Syrup.
This genuine work of art is floating
in a tub of the artist's own drool.
And can be yours
for a mere twenty-eight thousand.
What is that?
That?
That
that is Cow and Chicken Reclining.
A steal at only fifty thousand bucks!
Hello. We're stuck.
Yeah. You think one of yous
could give us a hand,
or the Gums of Life or somethin'?
It's brilliant!
It's a cry of freedom from empty suburbia!
To furnish our homes
is to imprison ourselves!
It boldly ripped the upholstery aside
and says,
"let us out, let us out!"
Let us out! Let us out!
I'll have a check for you
first thing in the morning.
I must have Cow and Chicken Reclining.
Stop! Thieves!
Ladies! Don't make me come after you!
Hurry! Some pantsless guy is chasing us!
So, I find the guy living under a bridge,
and he says,
"This ain't a studio. It's an agency."
What's the world comin' to?
Stop! Thieves!
Dear sweet mother of life!
Hey! Give us back our stolen chair!
Can't you hear me?
You blind or somethin'?
Hey, Momma?
This must be a commercial
for that furniture store
that's bringin' me my new chair today!
Look, Momma! It's my new chair!
What service!
Momma, just this once,
I want you to share this thrill with me.
You first.
What a manly chair!
My turn!
Look, Momma! This new chair gives milk!
Well, heck! What do we need Cow for?
You know, it's times like these
that make me proud to be a woman.
Me, too!
Me, too.
All right. Me, too.
Whatcha doin', Chicken?
I'm bee flyin'. What does it look like?
Can I fly him?
Only men can fly bees.
Here's your dumb bee!
You don't need pants
for the victory dance ♪
'Cause Baboon
better than Weasel ♪
I.R. Baboon, big
star of cartoon ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.R. Baboon reigns
king in his mind ♪
He's just as good as
the weaselly kind ♪
But round every corner,
he's likely to find ♪
I.M. Weasel.
I.M. Weasel!
I.M. Weasel!
The Old Cartoon Stars Retirement Home.
Yeah, yeah.
This is where your animated heroes
of yesteryear spend their golden years.
Guys like Cow and Chicken.
Elderly boy genius, Dexter,
of laboratory fame.
Good old Doggy Daddy.
That ingrate retired teenager Jonny Quest.
And, of course, everyone's favorite horse,
Quick Draw McGraw.
And me.
I.M. Weasel, reading my old poetry
I've forgotten I wrote.
But the years do pass quickly.
How long have we known each other,
Loulabelle?
Let's see.
About four years, I reckon.
Oh, wow.
That's almost a lifetime in Weasel years.
If I kick the bucket tomorrow,
I'll go out with a smile.
Hey! I.R. Baboon is here.
The old retirement trailer
for cartoon Sidekicks.
No place for big star like I.R. Baboon!
Here is losers, like Betty, Boo-Boo,
Old Pebbles, and Old Bam-Bam!
Hadji, and wrinkly Ba-Ba-Louie!
I.R. cartoon star!
I.R. be big!
It cartoons that got small.
I.R. not belong in no sidekick trailer!
I don't think he belongs here, either.
I think they should lock him up
in the Old Cartoon Villains Asylum.
The Old Cartoon Villains Asylum.
Here we've got Ranger Smith,
old mean Mister Slate and me!
The Red Guy!
I.R. should living up there
in Old Cartoon Stars Home!
I.R. Cartoon Star more than Weasel!
I.R. even born first! Before Weasel!
That won't be necessary, Doctor.
I assure you that I am breathing
and functioning properly.
Please, put me down.
And don't touch my soft spot.
Name's Weasel. And you are?
Loulabelle.
What a lovely name.
Why, hello, nurse.
Changing time I see. Allow me.
I.R. can doing that!
Oh, Pebby-Poo-Poo!
Let me telling you about
when I.R. in high school.
Knock it off!
Knock it off! Knock it off!
Quit picking on her!
She's more puny than you are.
Oh, minding your bees wax, Weasel!
Yeah, Weasel! I can take care of myself!
See?
You is dead meat, girlie pie!
Break it up!
Lemme at him! I'll sucker punch him!
See? I.R. still having scar.
Hey, Donkey Boy!
Ever tell you when I.R. basketball star?
And opening the third quarter
of the annual college basketball finals,
the Saskatchewan Honeyshorts
are still trying to catch up
to the toughest team in the land,
the Montreal Mad Men!
It looks like the Honeyshorts' only hope
at this point
is their all-star player, I.M. Weasel!
I.M. Weasel!
Why not sometimes I.R. game winning?
Honeyshort down.
Things don't look good
for the mangled Honeyshorts.
The Mad Men have even maimed
the Honey Shorts Cheerleaders.
Shoot to I.R.!
Yay! Honeyshorts win!
I.R. not taking it no more!
I.R. doing something 'bout it!
Beat it, old original version of Jonny Quest.
Back again, I see.
Yes! This time I.R. staying!
I.R. finally getting what I.R. deserving.
Your diaper, Sir.
Why thank you, Dear.
I.R. still can doing that!
You know, some things never change,
even when they should change.