Dog with a Blog (2012) s02e14 Episode Script

Synced and correctedy by: Katniss Everdeen Listen, Tyler, I got a call from your teacher, Mrs.
Brockman, and apparently, you are getting a "D" in your English class.
Yes, I've been trying to get on the D's list.
I think you mean Dean's list.
That's for people who get A's.
I know.
I'm talking about the list I started for people who feel left out because they don't get A's.
What good is school if you can't feel good about yourself? Okay.
Look, Mrs.
Brockman and I discussed it, and we came up with a way for you to bring up your grade.
Please don't say homework.
I like to keep my home life and my work life separate.
Can't you respect that? After years of acting in the Shakespeare in the park festival, they asked me to direct the play othello.
- They couldn't get anyone else, could they? - No, they could not.
The point is, Mrs.
Brockman said that if you perform in my play, she'll bring your grade up.
Come on, Tyler, it'll be good for ya, and a chance for us to bond.
- You couldn't get any guys to be in your play, could you? - No, I could not.
And if you don't do this, I may be forced to play all the male roles myself.
Hang posters all over your school of me in tights saying, "Come see Tyler's dad " - Okay, I'll do it.
- Couldn't think of a way out, could you? - No, I could not.
Okay, I think these street racing movies have pretty much run out of vehicles to use when they start doing hot air balloon chases.
I don't know.
That last crash was pretty exciting.
No! Bonk.
What does Avery see in this guy? Charming, unassuming personality, kind eyes and smile that lights up a room.
Blah! Blah! Come on, Stan.
Every time Wes and I are together, you try to wedge yourself between us.
You're right.
He's in the way.
Let's do with him what we did with last week's trash, up until the point where I ate last week's trash.
I'm not eating him.
I can't wait till we go to Shakespeare in the park together.
Me, too.
Finally someone smart I can talk about the plays with afterward.
Totally.
But just so you know, I love Shakespeare so much, it leaves me speechless, so you'll be doing most of the talking.
I should be going.
Oh.
Parting is such sweet sorrow.
I was trying to think of a way to say good-bye and you just nailed it.
Oh, wait, that was Shakespeare, right? - Of course.
- Look at us.
Talkin' about him already.
- See ya.
- See ya.
Ugh! That display between the two of you was disgusting.
I just threw up a little in my mouth, which I enjoyed, so thank you.
Stan, what's up with you? You've been down on Wes for weeks.
There's just something off about that guy.
I can't quite put my finger on it.
That's because nothing is off with him, and you don't have any fingers.
Don't I? I've been keepin' this foam finger close by for over a year waiting for that moment.
Totally worth it.
Avery's so crazy about that guy, but Wes really rubs me the wrong way.
Literally.
Believe it or not, there are incorrect ways to pet dogs.
That's not petting.
That's just What is that? Why would you do that? I did it! I did it, mommy.
I made my own bed every day for a month.
So now I get my own rock star rabbit game on your tablet just like you promised.
I don't remember promising that.
If you make your bed every day for a month, you'll get your own rock star rabbit game on my tablet.
I promise.
That's not my voice.
"I will not deny that that's my voice.
Ellen Jennings.
" You can't keep track of anything.
How did you hold onto that for a month? I taped it to my person.
- Your body? - No, my person.
As soon as this bar loads, you can play.
Yes! Rock star rabbit and I are gonna collect so many carrots.
Lucky, you just do what you want.
I wish I could just work on my novel that's right, I'm secretly writing a novel about a woman who's an average housewife by day, but a secret novelist by night.
Her name is Helen.
- Perhaps I've said too much.
- No, don't stop.
Thanks, hon, I love your enthusiasm for the concept.
But I'm not gonna have time to work on my novel once your father asks me to help him with his play.
He always asks me, and I always say yes.
- You know why? - 14 carrots! Ha, I wish! I help him because I love him.
I just hope this year, he decides he doesn't need my help.
I just hope this year, she doesn't insist on helping.
This play is my thing, but she always wants to get in on the action, and then I gotta find some busywork to keep her happy.
- You know what she needs? - Another life! I wouldn't go that far, Chloe.
No, I just have to offer her some small task and hopefully, she'll say no.
So you wanna fluff the ruffles on the costumes for the play? Of course I do.
Why wouldn't I? This is a crazy game.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Hey, Stan, what's going on? Actually, I need you to say, "what's up?" I had this whole thing worked out where you say, "what's up?" And I say, "something big.
" So go ahead.
Okay.
Fine.
What's up? Nothin' much.
Ah, dang it.
Anyway, I just spent the day following Wes around.
Don't worry, he didn't recognize me.
I was in disguise.
Nothin' to see here, folks.
Just a dog at the park lookin' for a little pickup game.
Played some college ball, came off the bench.
Don't wanna intimidate anybody.
In retrospect, the b-ball duds may have attracted more attention than I wanted.
Or maybe it was this.
Maall day, Avery, d more attenall day.
N I wanted.
Anyhoo, I think you'll find everything you need to know in here.
I can't believe you spied on Wes.
What were you thinking, Stan? There's nothing even incriminating about these photos.
- Oh, yeah? What about that one of him ordering a sandwich? What about it? He mispronounced mayonnaise.
You'll have to take my word on that.
You know what, Stan, you're wasting my time.
When are you gonna realize that Wes is a really good guy? Wait a minute.
Who's this he's sitting next to? Just some attractive mystery girl he was talking to for a few hours.
Now check out the next one.
He's steppin' on a crack.
Does he not even care about his mother's back? What is going on here? He can't be with another girl.
He's my boyfriend.
I'm gonna go talk to him.
Good.
And while you're there, please tell him there's no such thing as "maynnaise.
" If you don't know, just say Mayo, dude.
If you are, like, so fond over her iniquity, give her patent to offend, for if it, you know, touch not you, it comes near nobody, yo.
Don't normally take a bow in the middle of the scene among many other unique choices, yo.
I kind of like this acting thing.
I know.
Isn't it exhilarating, connecting across the centuries with the mind of a brilliant author? No, I just meant it combines my two best skills looking good and being outside.
Hey, Wes.
What you been up to all day? Just reading some Shakespeare.
So you've just been sitting here alone? All alone.
Just me and my boy, Billy shakes.
Oh, really? Then who's this? How did you get these? Never mind that.
Who's this handsy little strumpet? Okay, fine.
She was teaching me about Shakespeare.
I was embarrassed to tell you that I don't know as much about this as you do.
I didn't want you to think I was stupid when we saw the plays together.
Listen, I have fake tutored to get close to a guy I like don't ask so I know how these things go.
Why did she have her hands on your heart? She was just showing me how the iambic pentameter rhyming scheme mimics the heartbeat.
It does do that.
Wait, this all makes sense now.
You went through all of this trouble just to impress me? Aw, that is so romantic.
Shall we talk about what you learned? Avery, you spied on me.
I don't think I can be with someone who doesn't trust me.
Stop telling me what to do.
You're not the boss of me.
Stan, wake up.
Oh! Hey, Avery.
I was just having that dream where you were the boss of me, and I was totally cool with it.
Do you have any idea what just happened between Wes and me at the park? Yes, I was sort of there.
I didn't wanna make the same mistake as last time, so this time, I went as a golfer.
You completely ruined things with Wes for me.
I don't know if you're jealous, or what your problem is.
My problem is, if I keep splitting my time between basketball and golf, I'll never get good at either one.
Robert, grab my clubs.
We're going to the driving range.
I'll tell you why I bother practicing.
Because someday, I'm gonna have a drink named after me that's half lemonade, half toilet water.
Now come on! So, getting your lines down? Yep, I got 'em all down, on the back of this kid who stands in front of me in act two.
Is that why instead of going where I directed you to, you just kept following him around the stage? That, and he smells like waffles.
Look, Tyler, acting is not just about learning the lines, or writing them down on people.
It's about understanding how the character thinks and feels.
Your character, lago, succumbs to jealousy.
Or, as Shakespeare called it, the green-eyed monster.
You see, he used words in new and inventive ways.
I get it.
It's like how I call tacos crunchy meat boats.
Yes, son, you are the Shakespeare of your generation.
The point here is that lago was jealous of othello which led him down a very dark path.
Avery said I was jealous.
See, it's jealousy that causes people to hurt those that they care about.
I care about Avery, and I hurt her.
But I would've known if I had done that.
But they often don't know they've done that.
That's me! I'm jealous of Avery's relationship with Wes.
Gotta make things right.
Pick up my ball, Robert.
Guess you won't be teaching me life lessons using golf as a metaphor today.
It all makes so much more sense now.
It's not just a bunch of words I'm reading off waffle's back.
You're really taking this seriously.
Proud of you, son.
Thanks, dad.
I didn't know working with you would be so cool.
I don't know if I can express how much that means to me.
We both know you can, so let's get it over with.
Get it in here.
Well, I got all the ruffles fluffed for your father's play.
Jump through the hoop.
Exactly.
You get it.
I need to get back to my secret novel.
Helen's found the hidden chamber inside the heart of the public library.
And she's not alone.
Let's hope your father doesn't dump any more work on me.
I'm gonna have to dump more work on her.
She fluffed all the ruffles.
That was supposed to keep her busy for the rest of the week.
- Now I'm gonna have to find something else for her to do.
- You can do it, rock star.
Well, I do what I can to make her happy.
So I finished the ruffle fluffing.
Thank you so much.
So I don't suppose you want something else to do.
Sure, if you want.
Print the programs? Age them, roll them all into scrolls? That's the perfect use of my time.
Ugh, trapped in a maze and can't get out.
What do you want? Avery, I realize that Wes is a good guy, and I was just jealous.
I'm really sorry, but I think I may have fixed it.
Hi, Wes, it's Avery's cousin.
Uh Iago.
Yeah, that's my name.
Iago? It's Gaelic.
It means nothin' weird goin' on here.
So anyhoo, I'm calling to tell you Avery had nothing to do with those photos.
I took them because I'm very protective of her.
And just so there's no hard feelings, I can cut you a deal on a couple of 8x10's, some wallet-sized, maybe a button.
The holidays are coming up.
Did he believe you? At first, yes.
And then you kept talking.
Avery, please, I'm telling this story.
So anyway, then I kept talking.
So I'll take three buttons, the 8x10, and a picture of me on the cover of sports hero magazine.
That's one of my biggest sellers.
So I'll get all those to you next time you're over here.
Over where? You know, at Avery's.
You're staying at Avery's? I'm over there all the time, and she never mentioned you.
What's going on here? So you made him suspicious? Don't worry.
I invited him over so we can talk it out in person.
- Stan, why would you - Shh.
Trust your dog.
So when I come over, I can't see you 'cause you're gonna be in a full-body cast from a hot air balloon chase just like the one Avery and I recently saw in a movie.
Yes.
That is exactly what I just said.
Full-body cast from head to tail toe.
Toe to tail.
Head to tail.
Whoa, how'd it get back there? For some reason, that last thing made him even more suspicious.
But don't worry.
We'll clear it all up when he's over here tonight to see me in my full-body cast.
What?! Why would you invite him to come over tonight? I couldn't have him come over now.
I'm not in a full-body cast yet.
Use your head, Avery.
- Stan, I - Shh.
Well, that's 300 scrolls.
They'll be lucky if 60 people show up, but it's fine, it's fine.
Up, down, up, down.
You're right, I'm like a puppet on a string.
Dance, Pinocchio, dance.
Left, right, left, right, left, right.
All right, Chloe, you made your point.
No need to belabor it.
I'm just gonna tell your father that I can't help him anymore.
I need to get back to my novel.
When we last left Helen, she was encaged in the zoo after having been mistaken for a panda and I need to rewrite that, because it's incredibly stupid.
I can't believe your mother finished all these.
This has gotta be like, 300.
We'll be lucky if 60 people show up.
If another musical note drops from the sky, the drawbridge will open.
You're right, Chloe.
I should just tell her I don't need her help.
- I can't help you anymore.
- I don't need your help anymore.
You really get me.
I love you so much.
Ew, gross! Chloe, that's not a very nice thing to say.
I think she's talking to the game.
No.
No, I am not.
When Wes comes to meet lago hey, that's the name of my character not important.
We'll need a full-body cast laying on the bed while Stan talks from under the bed.
So to make the plaster cast, I just need to use your body as a mold.
Only if I can fill it with grape juice after, and put it in the freezer to make a life-sized Tyler pop.
Yeah, that'll work.
Oh, and I have to be at the play in the park tonight, or I'll let dad down.
Not a problem.
I'll cut you out in plenty of time to make it to the play.
And do I still get the life-sized Tyler pop? Well, this whole plan is built on a foundation of lies, so sure, why not? Sweet.
What's taking so long? The play's gonna start soon.
I thought these clippers would be strong enough to cut it.
Avery, if you don't get me outta here right now, I'll never forgive you.
Tyler, you let a 14-year-old girl put you in a full-body cast.
Shouldn't you really be more mad at yourself? Well, I got all Wes' pictures.
He went for the back-to-school package, but I'm only charging him for the value pack.
See, that's how you build repeat business.
Avery, that's my phone.
It's probably dad calling.
Will you answer it? I could, but I'm kind of in the middle of something.
- Bigger fish.
- Sharks, tuna, grouper.
Why would you ask me that? Don't we have more important things to deal with? Oh, cool, are you making Tyler pops? I heard this might be happening.
Get me out of this stupid cast.
And someone please answer my phone.
You got Chloe.
That's how they talk on TV.
Chloe, where's Tyler? He's one of the most important people in the cast.
I think he's the only person in the cast.
Well, he may feel that way.
I need to talk to him.
He can't, he's trying to get out of the cast.
Chloe, he's probably just nervous.
Tell Tyler he'll do fine in this cast, and even better in the next one.
Tyler, daddy says when you get out of this cast, he's gonna put you in another one.
Oh, man, he's really mad at me for not being there.
Tell him it's not my fault.
He should blame the person who put me in this cast.
He said you should blame the person who put him in the cast.
I thought it would be good for him.
I guess I see how it would keep him out of trouble.
Just tell him I'm sorry.
I really thought he had the acting itch.
Daddy's sorry you had the itch.
I didn't have an itch before you said it, but now it's all I can think about.
So itchy.
Your attention, please.
Tyler is not coming.
I will be playing lago.
Waffles, I need you to stay close to me so I can read my lines off your back.
My gosh, Wes is here.
You have to stay in the cast until he leaves.
I'm not playing along.
I'll make noise, I'll say things, I'll tell him I'm not really lago.
If you blow this for me, Tyler pops will never be fully realized.
They'll remain a beautiful, life-sized, ice-cold purple apparition that taunts you from afar.
Curse me for daring to dream big.
Wes, this is my cousin lago.
Wow, guess you weren't lying about the body cast.
Of course I wasn't lying.
Who would lie about being in a body cast, or being a photographer, or being human? Not this guy.
Okay, so how did this really happen, 'cause I know it wasn't in a hot air balloon chase.
No, of course not.
He just tells people that because what really happened was too embarrassing.
You know how people slip on banana peels in cartoons? That is what he did.
I was watching one of those cartoons, and I laughed so hard, I fell off my roof.
Well, there you have it.
You're probably wondering why I was watching cartoons - on the roof.
- Nobody's wondering that.
It's the only way I can see my neighbor's TV.
And that explains everything.
You see, my TV broke in a hot air balloon chase.
Really? Okay, Avery, I think I see what's going on here.
- You do? - Your cousin is a loon.
No, I'm not.
A loon is a Canadian bird.
I'm an American human.
- Ow! - Sorry.
Ow! I think I just have to accept if I'm gonna be with you, that crazy things are gonna happen.
Would you? That would make things so much easier.
So I'll meet you at the park later for the play.
Ah, don't forget your pictures.
Tell your friends.
Your face on a throw pillow.
Perfect for grandma.
I'll see you at the park.
And I'll take two pillows.
I've got two grandmas.
I'm really sorry about everything, Avery.
I don't know how I let my jealousy get the best of me.
Don't worry, Stan.
No boy is ever gonna replace you.
Yeah, that's real nice, but I've got bigger problems right now.
I have no idea how to put photos on pillows and two memas are counting on me.
You've got problems? The play is gonna start any minute.
I have to get out of here.
Tyler, wait.
We'll get dad's tools from the garage.
That'll work, too.
When you care about someone, you have to trust that person.
And if it's someone like Avery, or in Bennett's case, Tyler, they'll come through for you.
Yep, Tyler made it to the play in time.
And Bennett won rave reviews for his radical reimagining of lago as a ghost.
Tyler even got his Tyler pop.
Although someone ate the head.
And Chloe really came through for Ellen When she needed help with her novel.
Helen is stuck on a snow-covered island in Finland,