Everybody Loves Raymond s02e14 Episode Script

- Turn it.
Would you turn it? - No, get out of here.
Put the other game on.
Go to your house.
You don't flip around enough.
You don't deserve satellite TV.
Dad, I'm covering the game for work.
You can read about it in the paper.
You know yet that I'm a sports writer? I am the paper.
Grandpa, will you help me with my homework? Nope.
How else is she gonna learn? Nobody handed me any answers.
Clearly.
Listen, she's doing a family tree for schooI.
She has to interview a relative.
- Your favorite relative? - No, the oldest.
I'm not the oldest person in the family.
What about Uncle MeI? He smells.
Hey, Debra, what about your mother? She's no spring chicken.
We've already done my side of the family tree and Ray doesn't seem to know anything about yours.
Don't you have relatives living in Italy or something? Yeah, there might be somebody left.
Most of them came over in a sardine boat but my father had a sister who stayed behind in Sicily.
Aunt Sarina.
Zia Sarina.
- Is she still alive? - Alive, dead, who knows? It's nice you're so close.
Ally, maybe we could write her a letter? Yeah, okay.
You know you might have a relative still living in Italy? Yeah? Great.
Hey, you know what? You might be able to use the paper's research facilities to find her.
- Come on, she's family.
- Wait a minute.
Why would we want to locate more of these people? Hi, I'm Ray, and I live here in Long Island with my wife, Debra my 6-year-old daughter and twin 2-year old boys.
My parents live across the street.
That's right.
And my brother lives with them.
Now, not every family would defy gravity for you but mine would because Everybody loves Raymond.
Hey, you didn't - Mommy, I'm hot.
- Me, too, honey.
Frank, I think that heat's fixed enough, okay? Thank you.
I'll tell you when it's fixed.
Hold that pipe up, Robert.
Hold it up! - It's hot, Dad.
- What are you, a baby? Hold it up! - Hi, Debra.
- Hi, Marie.
My, it's hot in here.
Are you baking? What am I saying? I asked your husband if he knew a heating guy.
Turns out he is a heating guy.
Hi.
Could use some ice.
This is what happens when Frank fixes things.
- You remember the chimney, Robbie? - Yeah.
I told him I was too big.
We're all set.
- Frank, it's a little hot in here.
- You're welcome.
No, Robert, we're not having that.
Here, defrost the corn.
What are you doing? Could you feeI this? It's too hot.
That's your damn change of life.
- I went through that 10 years ago.
- Then how about a change of personality? Hi.
I did some research, it took me three hours.
I located Aunt Sarina.
Great! Really, Daddy? Her name is still Barone.
I guess she never married and she lives in a little place called Bisacquino.
It's in Sicily, near Palermo.
She's got no phone, no address but you can write to her care of El Ufficiado Postale the village post office.
Why am I hot? All right, stop complaining.
Next time pay a guy.
I wanted to pay a guy.
I would overpay a guy.
- Why did you let my father fix the heat? - Don't you start with me, okay? Listen, help Ally write a letter to Aunt Sarina.
It's too hot now.
Come on.
You know a little Italian, don't you? Hardly any.
Frank and I only spoke Italian when we were arguing so that the boys wouldn't understand.
We're almost fluent.
Mommy, why didn't Aunt Sarina write back to me? I know it's been three weeks, but we don't even know if she got the letter.
I think we're just gonna have to go with Uncle MeI.
I mean, he's really very interesting.
And just because I was never married doesn't mean I'm gay.
God, it's as hot as hell in here.
What are you trying to do? Sweat the truth out of me? MeI, why don't you just tell Ally about where you grew up? Brooklyn was a pretty tough neighborhood.
I had at least one fight every day.
Come on, MeI.
A fight every day? That's right, every day since I was four, untiI I entered the service.
- MeI, that's 5,000 fights.
- Well, look at me.
Actually, I joined the Army to get away from the fighting.
Although fighting is what made me tough.
Do you fight yet? - $45.
75 plus $1.
50 toll.
- What? Taxi from Kennedy Airport, $45.
75 plus toll.
And, you know, tip is good.
Taxi for who? MyAmerican familyy.
I'm sorry.
Who are you? - La signora Barone? - Yes.
La signorina Barone.
I'm sorry, I don't This is the letter that we wrote.
My gosh.
Are you Aunt Sarina from Italy? Aunt Sarina! What a beautiful child! - What did she say? - I don't know.
Just hug her.
- The money, please.
- Yeah.
Excuse me.
Isn't anyone gonna introduce me to this exotic creature? - Delizioso.
- Smells like Italy.
Holy crap, that's good! - Hello.
- Hi, Ray.
- I've been trying to call you.
- You're just in time for pizza.
Raimondo.
Who is this? - It's Zia Sarina.
- Who? - Your aunt from Italy.
- What? - Yeah.
- Why? - You kind of invited her.
- When? In the letter.
You said, "If you're ever in America, come visit us.
" So she hops on a plane.
Who does that? A person who cares about family.
- Can I help you? - Yes, thank you.
I don't believe this.
Foryou.
Grazie.
Did you know we had an ancestor who was a count? She said I look just like him.
That's right.
Great, why don't we send for him, too? Ray, come on, she's family.
Plus she says winters are very cold in Italy, and the heat's not so good.
The heat's good here, huh? Buono riscaldamento? Si! Molto buono.
- Wait, where is she staying? - Here.
- Here? - She won't be in the way.
- I put up a cot in your office for her.
- In my office? Dad, why can't she stay at your house? She's your father's sister.
We got only the one extra bedroom.
There's already a relative in it.
Unless you want to trade.
Raimondo is very tired.
Why don't you go to your own house to eat the pizza and we'll see each other tomorrow? - That'll be fun.
- Come on.
Bye-bye.
All right.
Did you see that? She said something and they just got up and left.
What did she say? - I don't know.
How long is she staying? - As long as she can do that.
Wait a minute.
Scusi.
Don't worry There's no problem.
All right, you're wearing Okay.
If you're going to sleep, I'll go upstairs.
No, you work.
All right.
I'm just gonna be a few minutes, then I'll get out of here.
All yours, so many awards? Yeah, it's just some awards.
They are marvelous! No, it's just a few awards, that's all.
- Sono molti.
- Okay, molti.
And this one? Why did you win it for? That's Sportswriter of the Year.
Scrittore sportivo dell'anno.
Yes.
Just New York.
Solamente per New York.
Nuova York! But New York is huge.
My nephew is a famous writer.
I'm not famous.
Come on, get out of here.
Questo e Joe DiMaggio? Yeah, that's Joe DiMaggio.
Joe DiMaggio, e italiano, eh? He's Italian, yeah.
And are you a good friend ofJoe DiMaggio? No, we're not friends.
I have the photograph, that's all.
Solamente una fotografia.
Too bad for him.
I'm sure that ifJoe DiMaggio knew you he would admire you a lot.
Wow, thank you.
I'm sure he would like you, too.
- Me? - Yeah.
I won't disturb you.
Work.
No, you're not bothering me.
It's okay, I'm all right.
Just a few minutes.
Buona notte, scrittore famoso.
Good night.
Famous writer.
- Debra.
- No, I already had four.
What did she say? What did she say? Your family's involved in the Mafia? I knew it.
Zia Sarina, C'e la Luna.
When is the next train? Good.
How much is the fare to Florence? Good.
Are there any first-class compartments available on the train to Florence? - Hi, Debra, honey.
- Hi, Marie.
- Isn't that a cute outfit? - Thank you.
Here, you gotta taste this gnocchi.
It's so good.
It's Zia Sarina's recipe.
- It's nice to have her here, isn't it? - It's nice to have family.
- All right, let me help you.
- Grazie.
That's very good.
Prego.
Hi, girls.
I found the photo.
It was right where you said it would be, Marie.
- You really got things organized well.
- Thanks, honey.
Let me see.
- Is that your father? - Yeah, and his brothers, and baby Sarina.
- Isn't she cute? - And aren't those boys handsome? It runs in the family.
I finished both driveways.
The village is now safe to drive in.
You're our hero.
- How you doing, Ray? - How you doing? You, too.
How was show and tell? The kids loved Zia Sarina.
I told them she was a personaI friend of Pinocchio's.
- Mommy, I can speak Italian.
- Really? Jeremy mette il dito nel naso.
- That's great.
What does it mean? - Jeremy picks his nose.
Sit down.
You know what else we found out? Zia Sarina had twin brothers.
- So twins run in the family.
- I guess so.
Why didn't you ever tell us your father had twin brothers? - He didn't.
- Luigi and Enzo were twins.
Who are Luigi and Enzo? Your uncles.
You don't even know your own family.
I know this is my father Alberto.
And his brothers Mario and Ciccio and Federico and baby Sarina.
No twins.
E chi e questa gente? "Who are these people?" This is you.
This is your family.
This is you! No.
This is not me.
Frank, you got the wrong picture.
This is my family! It's not her family.
My God.
Holy crap.
So technically we're not related, but she can still stay.
Her reaI family wants to see her.
I finally had a favorite relative.
There's not even a runner-up.
That must be Anna.
Are you sure these Barones are her Barones? Yeah, Anna is her brother's granddaughter.
Enough already.
She's here.
- Hi, I'm Anna Barone.
Are you Ray? - Yes.
Hi, come in, this is Zia! This is your Aunt Sarina.
Thank you so much for finding my Zia Sarina.
- She's a wonderfuI lady.
- That should've tipped us off, right there.
Barones.
We still could be something.
Distant cousins, maybe, or something? There's a lot of Barones.
Some of them aren't even really Barones.
What do you mean? My grandfather used to talk about this sardine packer and when he came to America, he just called himself Barone.
- Stole our name.
- That sounds like us.
You come visit me in Italy.
You come back and visit us here.
Presto, presto.
- Okay, bye-bye.
- Arrivederci.
In Italia, eh? Ciao.
So then who the hell are we? You okay? It figures.
The best person in our family, and she's not in our family.
- I miss her.
- Yeah, me, too.
Ti amo.
What? - It means - I know what it means.
You never say that.
- It's easier in Italian.
- Yeah, and very romantic.
Say something else.
Mi fanno male i piedi.
- What does that mean? - My feet hurt.
Say something else, but don't translate it.