Fresh Off The Boat (2015) s02e14 Episode Script
Michael Chang Fever
1 Mom, why'd you get us the same backpacks? [Door closes.]
We look like our aunt just found out about sewing machines.
They were on sale Four for one.
Look, mom, we took a career test at school today.
It tells us what job is a good fit for our personality.
It's my job to tell you that.
Your school has no business Surgeon General, very good, Evan.
Dang, fool.
Even by Chinese standards, you're a nerd.
My backpack doesn't agree with you.
Just ignore him, baby.
Soon you will be a doctor with the power of the military.
No one expects a coup from the Surgeon General.
But he'd just be overthrowing Emery, who I'm sure got preside Flight attendant? I like travel, snacks, and being helpful.
It checks all the boxes.
Oh, flight attendants don't even get a seat on the plane.
They walk back and forth pushing a cart.
They're the homeless of the sky! Sir, your lab results are in.
Your diagnosis Butt face.
S02E14 Michael Chang Fever Fresh off the boat I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go If you don't know, homey, now you know Fresh off the boat Homey, you don't know where I come from But I know where I'm goin' I'm fresh off the boat Here, let me help you.
It's okay, I got it.
Here you got, grandma.
[Bell dings.]
I see you have a magazine.
May I help you with your soda? [Air hisses.]
Everyone, come on.
The Super Bowl is on.
But the Super Bowl isn't until the end of the month.
It's the Asian Super Bowl.
Michael Chang is in the Australian Open.
We are witnessing history.
Mm.
I prefer Pete Sampras.
No way! How can you not be a member of the Chang Gang? [ Applause.]
MAN: 14.
I had these made.
[Chuckles.]
You boys are so lucky to have an Asian pro athlete to look up to.
It's way more than what I had.
[Indistinct conversations.]
[Crowd cheering.]
[Whistle blows.]
Ooh! Hell yeah, Jin-Ho! That was a flagrant takedown.
Way to ref-er-ee! [Laughs.]
Yeah, way to dominate with the rules.
[Laughs.]
He's Asian.
He got the call wrong, but you always support your own.
Eddie: How are their socks longer than their shorts? I'm out.
Are you joking? This is the greatest game known to mankind.
It is a sport that is both aggressive and elegant, just like your mother.
[Scoffs.]
I have a question.
Great.
A question from a real fan.
Why is tennis so boring? They keep taking about Grand Slams, but I don't see pancakes anywhere.
And why are the balls and the court green? Seems like a design flaw.
You know what? Just leave.
Okay! Ace! Go, Chang.
Whoo! Man: Well, Betsy, if you take a look at the leaders in tournament wins and prize money, Michael Chang is right up there.
He's earned millions of dollars.
15-Love.
Scoring system is based on love.
Hey, would you be interested in learning how to play? - Yes.
- Yes.
[Groans.]
Why does this homework look so hard? Oh, it's Evan's.
Grabbed the wrong backpack.
Ain't that some bunk, G-Dubs? "Get me my Pogs or else"? I think I accidentally got the remedial homework.
What's up with this? Are you getting picked on? This kid at school keeps bugging me for my Pogs.
See, this only happens to nerds.
Thank you for your help.
Why didn't you come to me? This is my thing.
All you got to do with mean kids is make yourself big like a bear.
You look constipated.
Whatever, man.
Nobody's gonna step to this.
Give it a try.
I don't know.
Come on.
Just arch your back, stick out your chest, stand on your toes, and give me your hardest look.
Like this? No.
Let me help you carry your tennis stuff, mom.
Oh, that's okay.
That's for being a flight attendant, not for tennis.
Don't be silly.
I'm just helping.
Give it.
Give it back! Okay.
It looks like we all have tennis fever.
I'll coach him on his serve.
Why don't you return anything that makes it over the net? Okay, Emery.
Tennis at its core, it's about discipline, sportsmanship, style.
Jessica: Hurry up! Michael Chang started at age 6.
We're already behind.
Jessica, he needs to learn the "why" before the "how.
" Sorry.
Don't apologize.
Okay, sorry.
Uh, how did you know how to do that? I'm just doing what I saw on TV.
Is that okay? Uh, yeah.
Here.
Do it again.
Wow.
He's really got a smooth swing.
Oh, thank Hey, you look familiar.
You're that bank teller who never has any singles.
Uh, Jessica, that's Billie Jean King, one of the greatest tennis players of all time after Michael Chang.
Well, actually, I was much, much better than Michael Chang by every possible career measurement.
Hmm.
Uh, what are you doing in Orlando? Oh, I have to be down here 183 days a year for tax purposes.
Hmm.
You know, he's a natural.
[Louis and Jessica chuckle.]
I think you could really go far.
- Really? - Yes.
[Chuckles.]
Hey, Tennis! I'd like to buy all the lessons! They're $45 an hour.
I want to buy one of the lessons for Louis, then he can teach Emery all of the lessons.
[Chuckles.]
Emery has a gift for tennis.
We could do father-son tournaments.
Flight attendant, my ass.
He'll get sports scholarships.
I'll be his coach.
I could pass my skills onto him, and he to his son.
He could just win prize money, and then he'll just buy an election.
One day, he'll defeat me on the court.
We won't speak for years, but we'll make up when I'm on my death bed.
I bought this book on child sports prodigies.
Most of them grew up an only child.
Grab your essentials.
Emery's moving into your room.
What? Why? So he doesn't have to share a bunk with Evan.
He needs to get proper rest without distractions.
Don't worry.
It's not forever.
It's just while Emery is training, and he will always be training.
I heard that.
You're like three feet away.
Why wouldn't I hear that? Hello, Eddie.
The top bunk is mine.
Let's go over the BMA.
Bunk Mate Agreement? They're ground rules for living in my space.
Rule 1 Do not rearrange the star stickers on the ceiling.
They're set for the equinox.
That's Rule 1? Rule 2 If I get stuck in my shirt, you will help me remove my shirt.
A "G" and a nerd sharing a room.
It's like "The Odd Couple" up in here.
Rule 3 you may only use references I understand.
- It doesn't say that.
- It does.
Okay, so, how'd it go with that mean kid at school? - Did you get big? - I did.
- Did it work? - It didn't.
What happened? The kid is a fifth-grader who knows that trick.
I don't know what to do.
[Sighs.]
If anyone's gonna pick on you, it's gonna be me.
Guess I have to regulate.
Hello? Remember? Rule 2? [Snap!'s "The Power" plays.]
I've got the power Whoo-hoo-hoo! I've got the power Yeah! Sorry.
Hey, yeah Dumplings are for athletes.
Go.
In this thing called rap Dig it like a shovel, rhyme devil on a heavenly level Bang the bass, turn up the treble Radical mind day and night all the time Seven, fourteen, wise, divine Maniac, brainiac, winning the game I'm the lyrical Jesse James [Cheers and applause.]
My son is the one blasting aces.
Let us know if there's something you want him to endorse.
Copy written lyrics so they can't be stolen If they are, snap Don't need the police to try to save them Or I will attack, and you don't want that It's getting, it's getting, it's getting kinda hectic It's getting, it's getting, it's getting kinda hectic It's getting, it's getting, it's getting kinda hectic Tagging in.
It's getting, it's getting, it's getting kinda hectic It's getting, it's getting, it's getting kinda hectic It's getting, it's getting, it's getting kinda hectic [Screams.]
[Cheers and applause.]
Sorry! I've got the power MAN: Chang blows a forehand past Becker.
Things are heating up in the finals of the Australian Open.
That's right, Chang.
Tire him out.
Chang will win because he works hard, and hard work always pays off.
Mm-hmm.
[Chuckles.]
You got this, baby.
- You stand on the shoulders of Jin-Ho.
- Yes.
[Gasps.]
No! Game, set, match Becker.
- Ohh! - Aah! [Applause.]
Well, at least he lost to the best.
You see, Emery, the life lesson here is Chang didn't work hard enough.
Second place is just the last to lose.
No.
The life lesson here is anything that happens in Australia doesn't count.
[School bell rings.]
[Warren G's "Regulate" plays.]
Regulators Mount up It was a clear black night, a clear white moon Warren G was on the streets, tryin' to consume Some skirts for the eve, so I can get some funk Just rollin' in my ride, chillin' all alone Just hit the Eastside of the LBC On a mission trying to find Mr.
Warren G Seen a car full of girls, ain't no need to tweak Sorry I can't hang with you, boo.
Got to take care of some business.
Oh, okay.
I was gonna tell you there's an ice cream truck outside.
Rumor has it they're running a special on Bomb Pops.
The rhythm is the bass [Fast-mo.]
And the bass is treble Chords, strings, we brings melody What's that? A schedule for Emery's training.
What about school? All this will be in addition to school.
It will go tennis then school, school and tennis until he's the best.
Okay, you're going a little overboard with this whole thing.
Thank you.
No, no.
It's too much, Jessica.
I'm glad Emery's good at tennis, but let's have a little perspective.
He's only 10 years old.
You're right.
I've made a mistake.
[Door closes.]
We have to fire your father.
Okay.
Why didn't you get a Bomb Pop, man? I don't eat our nation's colors.
Regulators, look.
We got here just in time.
Nobody stop me! Hold up.
This is the game plan.
We're gonna roll up and be like, bla-ow, but with our faces.
And then that kid will know.
Yo! [Record scratches.]
What?! This is who's bugging you? That's her all right.
Get her! Ugh, why are you taking Evan's Pogs? I haven't been taking them.
I've been winning them.
He owes me big time.
Wait, I thought you just collected Pogs.
It's a game, too? Yeah, man.
You throw a slammer at a stack of Pogs.
Whichever Pogs land face up you get to keep.
I'm not trying to understand this, Dave.
How did you lose Pogs you don't even have? Stacey loaned me some.
I'm on a cold streak, but I'll pay her back.
Let's go another round.
I'm good for it.
Pile them up, Stacey! I think he has a problem.
Are you afraid, Stacey? Are you afraid of my Pog hand? Because you should be! Now, your final match is coming up, and I need to discuss something important with you.
Hairstyle.
Dad, I think we can all agree we want me to be the best tennis player I can be.
Exactly.
We'll go with curls.
Which is why in order for me to get to the next level, we have to make a coaching change.
Are you firing me? Sorry.
Did you put him up to this? Yes.
Emery, I'm so proud of you for having the courage to fire your father so you can achieve excellence.
A flight attendant wouldn't have the eggs to do that.
Thanks, mom.
You're fired, too.
What? You've been a little distracting at my matches.
Out.
In! Fault.
Are you blind? Here, take these.
They will help with your blindness.
You have to come down eventually.
I just get fired up because I want to see you win.
I think we can all agree we want me to be the best Don't give me that speech.
I wrote that speech.
I give you that speech.
Wait, if I'm not going to coach you, who is? We can't afford a ton of lessons.
Actually, I found someone who will do it for free.
Billie Jean: Hi, folks.
I promise I'll coach your boy as if he were my own son.
Let's go, you little puke.
Bye, mom.
Bye, dad.
See you at dinner.
We've been checkmated, Louis.
Checkmated at tennis.
I can't believe you lied to me.
I thought you were getting picked on.
I'm addicted, okay? I'm addicted to playing Pogs.
I don't even get what you see in that noise.
I love the thrill of taking risks, laying it all on the line.
But I know I've gone too far.
So you know what you have to do? Steal money from mom's purse.
Shut up! You crazy?! Mom might hear you! And I know when to do it, too.
She sleeps heavy after she eats Mexican food, so I just have to wait until it's burrito Thursday.
Dang, that's cold.
You're not a nerd.
You're a lowercase "g.
" Look, I respect the thought, but you'd probably get mom's decoy purse anyways.
Don't worry.
I know how to get Stacey off your back.
Emery: [Grunting.]
[Tennis ball bouncing.]
[Sighs.]
Well, it's good that Emery is taking his training so seriously.
Billie Jean: Great work.
Now treat yourself to 15 laps around the block.
[Whistle blows.]
Billie Jean disguises punishment as treats.
She gets it.
I'm not exactly thrilled we got fired.
[Sighs.]
But Emery is embracing tennis, and he's learning from the best.
We both got what we wanted.
I'm glad we're on the same page.
No, we're not.
I was just encouraging his love for the game, which would hopefully turn into a lifelong father-son connection.
You made it into a competitive thing.
We're both mad at Emery, I know, but at least we get to go to his matches and watch him win.
Jessica: Did you bring my glasses? Yes, I-I got them, I got them.
Uh, I'm afraid I can't let you in.
Why not? You've been banned from matches for harassing our umpire.
But how could he tell who harassed him if he's blind? Jessica, look.
They both have success perms.
Great final-match hairstyle.
Let's just go.
I don't want to distract Emery.
I want him to achieve excellence.
You're wasting your time as a gate attendant.
This is beautiful.
Thanks for coming, Stacey.
You've been looking good, girl.
You been doing that Tae Bo? Just give me my Pogs.
I'll get right to it, then.
We called you here to ask for one final Pog match.
If Evan wins, you'll forgive his debt.
If he loses, I'll give you this.
A mint-condition Garbage Pail Kid 1985 Stinky Stan.
It's worth twice the Pogs Evan owes you.
Get your slammer.
I need to borrow one.
Who's this? The best gambler in our family.
Grandma, are you sure you know how to play this game? [Pogs rattle.]
You did it, grandma! They're all face up! We won! - Double or nothing! - What are you doing, man? We did it.
It's over.
I need the energy.
No! [Grunting.]
Never leave a hot table! I won the Round Robin Tournament.
Oh, that's fantastic.
I wish we could have been there But at least you're on a better career path.
Coach King wants to enroll me in a tennis academy at Coral Gables.
It's super-hard to get into.
It's where all the best players train.
It's a four-hour drive, so I'd have to move there for the year.
Move? But you're only 10.
That's why I don't want to do it.
I mean, if it's okay with you.
It's okay with us.
Uh, Emery, are you sure about this? Yeah.
I'd miss you guys too much.
Great.
Well, whatever you want to do, we support you.
Thanks.
Tennis is fun and stuff, but there are a lot of things I want to do, like flying around the world as a flight attendant.
Well, I guess we need to embrace the kid we have.
Like you said, whatever he wants to do, we'll support him.
Absolutely.
Space camp? Astronauts are like flight attendants, but for science.
Travel, snacks, helping others.
It checks all the boxes.
What are you doing? Embracing the kid we have.
If he's gonna be a flight attendant, he's gonna be the best kind.
I'm gonna float down the aisle of the spaceship and say, "Trash? Trash? Trash?" Hey.
I was thinking about what you said about needing that energy.
Here.
"Dum Dum's Guide to Becoming a Stockbroker"? I read an article in Vibe magazine about Russell Simmons.
The stock market is his jam.
He says, if you're gonna gamble, gamble with other people's money.
Thanks.
I'll check it out.
I'm sorry about before.
You don't really have a butt face.
Cool.
Hey, I'm not training for tennis anymore, so we can switch back bedrooms.
Know what? I want to crash with Evan for one more night.
Just two G's in a bunk bed.
Eddie, rule number 1! Man: Nice to see you.
Where's Emery? Please sit, Billie Jean King.
I think we can all agree that we want what's best for Emery.
Are you firing me? Yes.
And you were doing this for free, so it must be especially painful.
Okay.
[Racket thuds.]
Hey, what the heck?! [Grunting.]
[Sighs.]
Find yourself, Billie Jean.
So, is Pete Sampras nice? No, you know what? I don't want to know.
[Chuckling.]
I don't want to know.
We look like our aunt just found out about sewing machines.
They were on sale Four for one.
Look, mom, we took a career test at school today.
It tells us what job is a good fit for our personality.
It's my job to tell you that.
Your school has no business Surgeon General, very good, Evan.
Dang, fool.
Even by Chinese standards, you're a nerd.
My backpack doesn't agree with you.
Just ignore him, baby.
Soon you will be a doctor with the power of the military.
No one expects a coup from the Surgeon General.
But he'd just be overthrowing Emery, who I'm sure got preside Flight attendant? I like travel, snacks, and being helpful.
It checks all the boxes.
Oh, flight attendants don't even get a seat on the plane.
They walk back and forth pushing a cart.
They're the homeless of the sky! Sir, your lab results are in.
Your diagnosis Butt face.
S02E14 Michael Chang Fever Fresh off the boat I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go If you don't know, homey, now you know Fresh off the boat Homey, you don't know where I come from But I know where I'm goin' I'm fresh off the boat Here, let me help you.
It's okay, I got it.
Here you got, grandma.
[Bell dings.]
I see you have a magazine.
May I help you with your soda? [Air hisses.]
Everyone, come on.
The Super Bowl is on.
But the Super Bowl isn't until the end of the month.
It's the Asian Super Bowl.
Michael Chang is in the Australian Open.
We are witnessing history.
Mm.
I prefer Pete Sampras.
No way! How can you not be a member of the Chang Gang? [ Applause.]
MAN: 14.
I had these made.
[Chuckles.]
You boys are so lucky to have an Asian pro athlete to look up to.
It's way more than what I had.
[Indistinct conversations.]
[Crowd cheering.]
[Whistle blows.]
Ooh! Hell yeah, Jin-Ho! That was a flagrant takedown.
Way to ref-er-ee! [Laughs.]
Yeah, way to dominate with the rules.
[Laughs.]
He's Asian.
He got the call wrong, but you always support your own.
Eddie: How are their socks longer than their shorts? I'm out.
Are you joking? This is the greatest game known to mankind.
It is a sport that is both aggressive and elegant, just like your mother.
[Scoffs.]
I have a question.
Great.
A question from a real fan.
Why is tennis so boring? They keep taking about Grand Slams, but I don't see pancakes anywhere.
And why are the balls and the court green? Seems like a design flaw.
You know what? Just leave.
Okay! Ace! Go, Chang.
Whoo! Man: Well, Betsy, if you take a look at the leaders in tournament wins and prize money, Michael Chang is right up there.
He's earned millions of dollars.
15-Love.
Scoring system is based on love.
Hey, would you be interested in learning how to play? - Yes.
- Yes.
[Groans.]
Why does this homework look so hard? Oh, it's Evan's.
Grabbed the wrong backpack.
Ain't that some bunk, G-Dubs? "Get me my Pogs or else"? I think I accidentally got the remedial homework.
What's up with this? Are you getting picked on? This kid at school keeps bugging me for my Pogs.
See, this only happens to nerds.
Thank you for your help.
Why didn't you come to me? This is my thing.
All you got to do with mean kids is make yourself big like a bear.
You look constipated.
Whatever, man.
Nobody's gonna step to this.
Give it a try.
I don't know.
Come on.
Just arch your back, stick out your chest, stand on your toes, and give me your hardest look.
Like this? No.
Let me help you carry your tennis stuff, mom.
Oh, that's okay.
That's for being a flight attendant, not for tennis.
Don't be silly.
I'm just helping.
Give it.
Give it back! Okay.
It looks like we all have tennis fever.
I'll coach him on his serve.
Why don't you return anything that makes it over the net? Okay, Emery.
Tennis at its core, it's about discipline, sportsmanship, style.
Jessica: Hurry up! Michael Chang started at age 6.
We're already behind.
Jessica, he needs to learn the "why" before the "how.
" Sorry.
Don't apologize.
Okay, sorry.
Uh, how did you know how to do that? I'm just doing what I saw on TV.
Is that okay? Uh, yeah.
Here.
Do it again.
Wow.
He's really got a smooth swing.
Oh, thank Hey, you look familiar.
You're that bank teller who never has any singles.
Uh, Jessica, that's Billie Jean King, one of the greatest tennis players of all time after Michael Chang.
Well, actually, I was much, much better than Michael Chang by every possible career measurement.
Hmm.
Uh, what are you doing in Orlando? Oh, I have to be down here 183 days a year for tax purposes.
Hmm.
You know, he's a natural.
[Louis and Jessica chuckle.]
I think you could really go far.
- Really? - Yes.
[Chuckles.]
Hey, Tennis! I'd like to buy all the lessons! They're $45 an hour.
I want to buy one of the lessons for Louis, then he can teach Emery all of the lessons.
[Chuckles.]
Emery has a gift for tennis.
We could do father-son tournaments.
Flight attendant, my ass.
He'll get sports scholarships.
I'll be his coach.
I could pass my skills onto him, and he to his son.
He could just win prize money, and then he'll just buy an election.
One day, he'll defeat me on the court.
We won't speak for years, but we'll make up when I'm on my death bed.
I bought this book on child sports prodigies.
Most of them grew up an only child.
Grab your essentials.
Emery's moving into your room.
What? Why? So he doesn't have to share a bunk with Evan.
He needs to get proper rest without distractions.
Don't worry.
It's not forever.
It's just while Emery is training, and he will always be training.
I heard that.
You're like three feet away.
Why wouldn't I hear that? Hello, Eddie.
The top bunk is mine.
Let's go over the BMA.
Bunk Mate Agreement? They're ground rules for living in my space.
Rule 1 Do not rearrange the star stickers on the ceiling.
They're set for the equinox.
That's Rule 1? Rule 2 If I get stuck in my shirt, you will help me remove my shirt.
A "G" and a nerd sharing a room.
It's like "The Odd Couple" up in here.
Rule 3 you may only use references I understand.
- It doesn't say that.
- It does.
Okay, so, how'd it go with that mean kid at school? - Did you get big? - I did.
- Did it work? - It didn't.
What happened? The kid is a fifth-grader who knows that trick.
I don't know what to do.
[Sighs.]
If anyone's gonna pick on you, it's gonna be me.
Guess I have to regulate.
Hello? Remember? Rule 2? [Snap!'s "The Power" plays.]
I've got the power Whoo-hoo-hoo! I've got the power Yeah! Sorry.
Hey, yeah Dumplings are for athletes.
Go.
In this thing called rap Dig it like a shovel, rhyme devil on a heavenly level Bang the bass, turn up the treble Radical mind day and night all the time Seven, fourteen, wise, divine Maniac, brainiac, winning the game I'm the lyrical Jesse James [Cheers and applause.]
My son is the one blasting aces.
Let us know if there's something you want him to endorse.
Copy written lyrics so they can't be stolen If they are, snap Don't need the police to try to save them Or I will attack, and you don't want that It's getting, it's getting, it's getting kinda hectic It's getting, it's getting, it's getting kinda hectic It's getting, it's getting, it's getting kinda hectic Tagging in.
It's getting, it's getting, it's getting kinda hectic It's getting, it's getting, it's getting kinda hectic It's getting, it's getting, it's getting kinda hectic [Screams.]
[Cheers and applause.]
Sorry! I've got the power MAN: Chang blows a forehand past Becker.
Things are heating up in the finals of the Australian Open.
That's right, Chang.
Tire him out.
Chang will win because he works hard, and hard work always pays off.
Mm-hmm.
[Chuckles.]
You got this, baby.
- You stand on the shoulders of Jin-Ho.
- Yes.
[Gasps.]
No! Game, set, match Becker.
- Ohh! - Aah! [Applause.]
Well, at least he lost to the best.
You see, Emery, the life lesson here is Chang didn't work hard enough.
Second place is just the last to lose.
No.
The life lesson here is anything that happens in Australia doesn't count.
[School bell rings.]
[Warren G's "Regulate" plays.]
Regulators Mount up It was a clear black night, a clear white moon Warren G was on the streets, tryin' to consume Some skirts for the eve, so I can get some funk Just rollin' in my ride, chillin' all alone Just hit the Eastside of the LBC On a mission trying to find Mr.
Warren G Seen a car full of girls, ain't no need to tweak Sorry I can't hang with you, boo.
Got to take care of some business.
Oh, okay.
I was gonna tell you there's an ice cream truck outside.
Rumor has it they're running a special on Bomb Pops.
The rhythm is the bass [Fast-mo.]
And the bass is treble Chords, strings, we brings melody What's that? A schedule for Emery's training.
What about school? All this will be in addition to school.
It will go tennis then school, school and tennis until he's the best.
Okay, you're going a little overboard with this whole thing.
Thank you.
No, no.
It's too much, Jessica.
I'm glad Emery's good at tennis, but let's have a little perspective.
He's only 10 years old.
You're right.
I've made a mistake.
[Door closes.]
We have to fire your father.
Okay.
Why didn't you get a Bomb Pop, man? I don't eat our nation's colors.
Regulators, look.
We got here just in time.
Nobody stop me! Hold up.
This is the game plan.
We're gonna roll up and be like, bla-ow, but with our faces.
And then that kid will know.
Yo! [Record scratches.]
What?! This is who's bugging you? That's her all right.
Get her! Ugh, why are you taking Evan's Pogs? I haven't been taking them.
I've been winning them.
He owes me big time.
Wait, I thought you just collected Pogs.
It's a game, too? Yeah, man.
You throw a slammer at a stack of Pogs.
Whichever Pogs land face up you get to keep.
I'm not trying to understand this, Dave.
How did you lose Pogs you don't even have? Stacey loaned me some.
I'm on a cold streak, but I'll pay her back.
Let's go another round.
I'm good for it.
Pile them up, Stacey! I think he has a problem.
Are you afraid, Stacey? Are you afraid of my Pog hand? Because you should be! Now, your final match is coming up, and I need to discuss something important with you.
Hairstyle.
Dad, I think we can all agree we want me to be the best tennis player I can be.
Exactly.
We'll go with curls.
Which is why in order for me to get to the next level, we have to make a coaching change.
Are you firing me? Sorry.
Did you put him up to this? Yes.
Emery, I'm so proud of you for having the courage to fire your father so you can achieve excellence.
A flight attendant wouldn't have the eggs to do that.
Thanks, mom.
You're fired, too.
What? You've been a little distracting at my matches.
Out.
In! Fault.
Are you blind? Here, take these.
They will help with your blindness.
You have to come down eventually.
I just get fired up because I want to see you win.
I think we can all agree we want me to be the best Don't give me that speech.
I wrote that speech.
I give you that speech.
Wait, if I'm not going to coach you, who is? We can't afford a ton of lessons.
Actually, I found someone who will do it for free.
Billie Jean: Hi, folks.
I promise I'll coach your boy as if he were my own son.
Let's go, you little puke.
Bye, mom.
Bye, dad.
See you at dinner.
We've been checkmated, Louis.
Checkmated at tennis.
I can't believe you lied to me.
I thought you were getting picked on.
I'm addicted, okay? I'm addicted to playing Pogs.
I don't even get what you see in that noise.
I love the thrill of taking risks, laying it all on the line.
But I know I've gone too far.
So you know what you have to do? Steal money from mom's purse.
Shut up! You crazy?! Mom might hear you! And I know when to do it, too.
She sleeps heavy after she eats Mexican food, so I just have to wait until it's burrito Thursday.
Dang, that's cold.
You're not a nerd.
You're a lowercase "g.
" Look, I respect the thought, but you'd probably get mom's decoy purse anyways.
Don't worry.
I know how to get Stacey off your back.
Emery: [Grunting.]
[Tennis ball bouncing.]
[Sighs.]
Well, it's good that Emery is taking his training so seriously.
Billie Jean: Great work.
Now treat yourself to 15 laps around the block.
[Whistle blows.]
Billie Jean disguises punishment as treats.
She gets it.
I'm not exactly thrilled we got fired.
[Sighs.]
But Emery is embracing tennis, and he's learning from the best.
We both got what we wanted.
I'm glad we're on the same page.
No, we're not.
I was just encouraging his love for the game, which would hopefully turn into a lifelong father-son connection.
You made it into a competitive thing.
We're both mad at Emery, I know, but at least we get to go to his matches and watch him win.
Jessica: Did you bring my glasses? Yes, I-I got them, I got them.
Uh, I'm afraid I can't let you in.
Why not? You've been banned from matches for harassing our umpire.
But how could he tell who harassed him if he's blind? Jessica, look.
They both have success perms.
Great final-match hairstyle.
Let's just go.
I don't want to distract Emery.
I want him to achieve excellence.
You're wasting your time as a gate attendant.
This is beautiful.
Thanks for coming, Stacey.
You've been looking good, girl.
You been doing that Tae Bo? Just give me my Pogs.
I'll get right to it, then.
We called you here to ask for one final Pog match.
If Evan wins, you'll forgive his debt.
If he loses, I'll give you this.
A mint-condition Garbage Pail Kid 1985 Stinky Stan.
It's worth twice the Pogs Evan owes you.
Get your slammer.
I need to borrow one.
Who's this? The best gambler in our family.
Grandma, are you sure you know how to play this game? [Pogs rattle.]
You did it, grandma! They're all face up! We won! - Double or nothing! - What are you doing, man? We did it.
It's over.
I need the energy.
No! [Grunting.]
Never leave a hot table! I won the Round Robin Tournament.
Oh, that's fantastic.
I wish we could have been there But at least you're on a better career path.
Coach King wants to enroll me in a tennis academy at Coral Gables.
It's super-hard to get into.
It's where all the best players train.
It's a four-hour drive, so I'd have to move there for the year.
Move? But you're only 10.
That's why I don't want to do it.
I mean, if it's okay with you.
It's okay with us.
Uh, Emery, are you sure about this? Yeah.
I'd miss you guys too much.
Great.
Well, whatever you want to do, we support you.
Thanks.
Tennis is fun and stuff, but there are a lot of things I want to do, like flying around the world as a flight attendant.
Well, I guess we need to embrace the kid we have.
Like you said, whatever he wants to do, we'll support him.
Absolutely.
Space camp? Astronauts are like flight attendants, but for science.
Travel, snacks, helping others.
It checks all the boxes.
What are you doing? Embracing the kid we have.
If he's gonna be a flight attendant, he's gonna be the best kind.
I'm gonna float down the aisle of the spaceship and say, "Trash? Trash? Trash?" Hey.
I was thinking about what you said about needing that energy.
Here.
"Dum Dum's Guide to Becoming a Stockbroker"? I read an article in Vibe magazine about Russell Simmons.
The stock market is his jam.
He says, if you're gonna gamble, gamble with other people's money.
Thanks.
I'll check it out.
I'm sorry about before.
You don't really have a butt face.
Cool.
Hey, I'm not training for tennis anymore, so we can switch back bedrooms.
Know what? I want to crash with Evan for one more night.
Just two G's in a bunk bed.
Eddie, rule number 1! Man: Nice to see you.
Where's Emery? Please sit, Billie Jean King.
I think we can all agree that we want what's best for Emery.
Are you firing me? Yes.
And you were doing this for free, so it must be especially painful.
Okay.
[Racket thuds.]
Hey, what the heck?! [Grunting.]
[Sighs.]
Find yourself, Billie Jean.
So, is Pete Sampras nice? No, you know what? I don't want to know.
[Chuckling.]
I don't want to know.