I Didn't Do It (2014) s02e14 Episode Script

Hey, guys, big news.
So you know that really messy drawer in my room I keep meaning to clean out? Well I cleaned it out! Wait till my diary hears about this.
Hang on.
It gets better.
Good luck topping the drawer.
So there I was, just organizing my stuff, when I find three free passes to Harmony Spa.
They expire tomorrow, which means Saturday is officially Spa-turday! Linds, come sit.
We need to talk.
Okay, so Spa-turday wasn't my best joke.
You try things.
How do I put this? Sometimes, when a guy and a girl really like each other You can stop right there.
I know all about this.
I've explained it to Logan, like, three times.
No, what I'm trying to say is, you know Brandon and I have been spending a lot of time together.
I'd even say we're boyfriend and girlfriend.
And you know, I've been hanging out with Owen, and we've been gettin' along great.
And sometimes, couples, which again, is what we are, like to do things together.
You guys can't go to the spa because you're going on a double date.
Thanks for understanding, single lady.
And don't you worry.
Someday, you'll meet a special guy, and then we can triple date.
But if you don't, that's okay, too.
I mean, look at Betty.
She's perfectly happy without a guy in her life.
Why won't these stupid things fit? I hate you, straws, I hate you! Okay, not the best example.
I am totally happy being single.
If I had a boyfriend, I wouldn't have time to do the things I wanna do, like clean out my drawer.
If that's not a silver lining, I don't know what is.
You guys, I am good.
Okay? Go have fun on your double date.
I'll just find someone else to take to the spa.
So brave.
The Romans are storming the castle.
Grab the broad sword.
I don't know what that is.
You call it the big knife.
I call a lot of things that.
Forget the broad sword.
Hand me the pike.
The what? The big pointy thing.
And now we're dead.
Because you don't know what things are called.
I'm a barbarian, all right? Words aren't my best whatever you call it.
Hey, guys.
Whose head is on the big pointy thing? That would be mine.
And it's called a pike.
Oh, now you know what it's called.
Anyway, as long as I caught you guys between heads, I have free passes to a spa, and you guys are comin' with me.
Spa? Isn't that just for girls? No.
No, spas are for everybody.
Come on, what do you say? It even comes with a free massage.
I'm not really a big fan of being touched.
I don't come from a very huggy family.
Come on, your mom must've hugged you when you were little.
Not very much.
She was usually covered in motorcycle oil.
She had a motorcycle? No.
You'll love the spa.
- You could even get a hot stone treatment.
- What's that? It's when they put hot stones on your back.
Oh, they have that in this game.
It's called torture.
Sounds like you guys are just afraid to try something new.
No, that has nothing to do with it.
It would just be weird.
Like, you inviting us to the spa is like us inviting you to the monster truck show tomorrow.
Sounds great.
I'm in.
Monster truck show, and then the spa.
It's a date.
We didn't agree to that.
Dude, our heads have grown back.
I will see you guys on Spa-turday.
Yeah, it might be time to let that one go.
You look so cute tonight.
- No, you do.
- No, you do.
- We're both so cute.
- Ah! Smell that? Is there anything better than movie theater popcorn? The best part is that fake butter they put on it.
It's called golden flavoring.
Even the name is delicious.
I love it, too.
I wonder if it's good for you.
- Oh, what's this? - Trail mix.
I didn't get popcorn because they only had that gross artificial golden flavoring.
You're right.
That stuff is disgusting.
- But I thought - Isn't Owen thoughtful? Soft pretzel for me, and a large popcorn with a side of golden flavoring for milady.
I'm milady.
Oh, they're doing celebrity scrambles.
Owen's really good at these.
Tom Hanks.
That was amazing.
Not that amazing.
The scramble was "Om Thanks.
" They also showed a picture of Tom Hanks.
And yet, Owen got it first.
Attention, moviegoers.
To improve the movie-going experience, I ask that you turn off all cell phones.
That is not a suggestion, people.
Don't make Betty turn it off for you.
Betty, you work here? No.
And I'm not done.
Please also refrain from talking, loud chewing, open-mouth breathing, or any other noise I may find offensive.
Now sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.
Start the movie.
I already did the speech.
Dude, I am still so pumped from that monster truck show.
Watching Truckasaurus flatten those wimpy cars into pancakes.
It was awesome! Sorry.
Monster trucks, quiet room.
It's a tough transition.
Man, this place is fancy.
Huh.
No prices on the snacks? That is because everything is free.
Free? This is awesome! Fruit leather.
Forgot to get the cucumbers out of the water.
Oh, thanks.
His hands are clean.
Now.
Garrett, load up.
Fruit leather.
I don't know why I agreed to a massage.
Relax.
It's gonna be fine.
Whoa.
Your shoulders are hard as a rock.
What do you have under there? Sixteen years of buried feelings.
Oh, Garrett, why don't you go first? You've got your work cut out for you.
He's mostly sad lumps.
He's right.
I am.
By the way, you're runnin' low on cucumbers.
What just happened? That guy in the hat is the jewel thief.
Owen just said the guy in the hat is the jewel thief.
Isn't he smart? You're so smart.
We all know the guy in the hat is the jewel thief.
We just saw him steal the jewels.
Oh, we have that same chair in my house, except ours is a different color.
Get outta town! Owen said he has the same chair in his house, except his is a different color.
Isn't that cool? What's going on? Owen has chairs in his house.
We all have chairs! Shush! Sh! Are you shushing me? Tryin' to top my shush.
Nothin' worse than a shush-topper.
Hey, stake me some popcorn.
No.
You said it was disgusting.
Here's my lip balm.
Dip it in some golden flavoring.
No.
Have you lost your mind? What's going on? Delia's trying to push her disgusting, unhealthy popcorn on me.
I'll go get some more trail mix.
Yay.
More raisins.
Don't judge me.
I was gonna shush you, but that is just sad.
Thank you so much.
I really enjoyed that.
Ow.
Ow! Ow! What happened to you? I think my masseuse has anger issues.
Thank you, Chloe.
That was heavenly.
Did he say heavenly? What happened in there? I'm not sure.
She started rubbing my shoulders, and something just happened.
All of a sudden, I started crying.
Oh, no.
Here it comes again.
What's wrong with you? I've heard about this.
Sometimes when people who are super tense get a massage, it can really open them up emotionally.
It stopped.
Oh.
What's so funny? I have no idea.
He's getting in touch with his emotions.
This is a good thing.
Hey, the sad lump is gone.
It's been replaced by a squishy sponge.
When I was a baby, my nana washed me with a squishy sponge.
And here come the waterworks.
So last night was fun.
Sure was.
Too bad those other two people were there.
Owen was okay, but what was up with Jasmine? What do you mean? "Owen's so smart, Owen's so cute.
I love popcorn, I hate popcorn.
" Hey, double daters.
Oh, we had so much fun at the movies last night.
Funny.
We were just talking about that.
You guys wanna go out again tonight? Owen and I are going ice skating.
Oh We can't.
Oh.
Why not? Um, we have tickets to the, um, Cat of the Year awards.
Cat of the Year awards? That's a real thing? Um, yes.
I know it sounds made up, but it's very real.
And Brandon's cat is being honored.
Really? What did he do to win? More like what didn't he do.
Yeah, he, uh he made friends with a dog, he learned to use the toilet.
And when he finished playing with his ball of yarn, he rolled it back up.
Wow.
Maybe we should skip ice skating and come with you guys.
Actually, it's sold out.
Yeah.
Cat people don't leave the house very often, but when they do, they come in droves.
Oh.
Well, maybe next time.
You are a really good liar.
Aw! Thank you.
You made the Cat of the Year awards sound so awesome.
Kind of bummed they're not real.
We should start them.
Except my cat would win every year.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure my cat would win every year.
Oh, my gosh.
We're having our first cat fight.
What's wrong? You're not stabbing anybody.
I'm just noticing how pretty the castle is.
We're barbarians, not interior decorators.
Ooh, that would be a fun game.
Our weapons could be swatches and curtain rods.
Uh, you know what? Let's do something else.
Uh, how about we go to the batting cages? I don't know.
That seems violent.
Oh, come on.
It's so funny to watch you swing and miss all the time.
That is just hurtful, and I forgive you.
Hey, guys.
What's goin' on? Uh, Garrett's acting weird.
You know what? It is such a beautiful day, I'm gonna go outside and say hello to the sun.
Hello, sun.
See what I mean? What's so bad about it? He seems happy.
Well, I feel like I lost my best friend.
And it's all your fault.
You're the one that made him get that stupid massage.
He's still the same Garrett.
He's just opened up.
Well, close him down.
No, I'm serious.
You broke him, you fix him.
I think you're overreacting.
Surprise! I brought you presents.
Fix him.
Here's your smoothie, but uh-oh.
But uh-oh.
Is that Hawaiian for "milady? No, look.
Oh, no.
Hide.
What are you doing back here? Betty, use your quiet voice.
This is my quiet voice.
We're hiding.
We had a really bad double date with Jasmine and Owen.
I know.
I was there.
Hey, Betty.
Jasmine.
Trail mix.
What can I get you? I'll have a mango smoothie and a shot of wheat grass.
Sounds yummy.
Make it two.
What? She hates wheat grass.
Delia? Should've used your quiet voice.
Hi.
What are you doing here? They're hiding from you.
- Betty! - I got a business to run.
Wait, you guys don't have plans tonight.
I knew the Cat of the Year awards sounded fake.
Actually, I'm starting a petition to make it real, so if you wouldn't mind going to - Not now.
Jazz, I can explain.
There's nothing to explain.
You lied to me.
Come on, Owen.
They don't wanna hang out with us, we don't wanna hang out with them.
I'll sign that petition.
I love award shows.
Thanks for coming over.
We wanted to talk to you about something.
I hope it's about how much we love each other, because I love you guys so much.
Hug.
In a minute.
So listen, I think it's really great that you're in touch with your feelings, but it seems like you're in touch with your feelings.
When you say feelings like that, I get a warm sensation in my chest.
Well, that's creepy.
But sometimes, it's best to explore our feelings privately, which is why I bought you this journal.
I really appreciate this.
But no journal could contain all of my feelings.
Now how about that hug? You promised.
Okay, okay, we tried your way.
Now we're trying mine.
Stop acting so weird! Stop hitting him.
No, this is great.
He's expressing his anger.
Go ahead, buddy, let it out.
Can we talk? I'm avoiding you like you avoided me.
But you're talking to me.
I'm not good at it.
Just so you know, I wasn't avoiding you.
I was avoiding the crazy girl you turned into at the movies.
What's that supposed to mean? You were acting like a complete weirdo.
I mean, laughing at everything Owen said, liking everything he liked.
You completely stopped being yourself.
- No, I didn't.
- You ordered wheat grass.
That's the complete opposite of golden flavoring.
I like to try new things.
Jazz, it's me.
What's really going on? Nothing.
I just really want Owen to like me.
Then give him a chance to know you.
The real you.
'Cause if he meets the Jasmine I know, he's gonna be crazy about her.
You sure? Absolutely.
I know your flaws, and I still like you.
What flaws? Well, for starters, you snort when you laugh.
And your burps are freakishly loud.
I am pretty good at burping, aren't I? The best.
- You wanna hear one now? - No thanks.
My arm is so tired.
Logan, give it up.
I keep thinking the next hit is the one that's gonna do it.
I'm with you either way, brother.
What's that? It's my mom's truck.
She's been on the road for the past two weeks.
So she's back to driving the 18-wheeler again? Yeah.
Roller derby just wasn't paying the bills.
I haven't seen her since I had my breakthrough.
Mommy! Well, looks like I'm gonna have to find a new best friend.
What? No, you can't give up on Garrett.
You guys have been best buds since you were little.
But he's just so weird now.
So he's always been a little weird.
Yeah, I can't argue with that.
Hey, there have been plenty of times where you've been weird, and Garrett didn't abandon you.
- Like when? - Remember your black nail polish phase? Okay, so I made one bad choice.
No, no, no.
There's more.
The fedora phase, the socks with flip-flops, the time you spent in the clog dancing trio.
Why is it that when Delia clog dances, it's cool, but when I do it, it's weird? I don't know.
She makes it work.
The point is, Garrett has always stood by your side.
If you were really his best friend, you'd do the same for him.
Yeah.
I just wish he'd stop giving me leaves.
Don't worry.
Winter's coming.
Hey.
Come here.
Give your best bud a hug.
No thanks.
I'm good for now.
Really? You don't want a hug? Garrett, you okay? I'm fine.
Uh, everything go okay with your mom? Yeah.
We had a nice visit.
I shared some feelings, she shared some feelings, she shared some more feelings.
Then she shared her feelings.
And now, my sad lump is back.
It is back.
And I broke a nail.
Let's just play a video game.
I'll feel better after some gouging and maiming.
He is back.
I missed you, buddy.
Here come the waterworks.
Owen, there's something important I need to tell you.
Okay.
I love popcorn.
Especially when it's smothered in golden flavoring.
Oh, uh why Wait.
There's more.
I hate wheat grass.
And guessing Tom Hanks wasn't that impressive.
Are you breaking up with me? No.
I've just been agreeing with everything you say because I was worried you wouldn't like me.
I'm so glad you said that, because I've been worried, too.
Really? Yeah.
I keep thinking how stupid I sounded at the movies.
I mean, who talks about chairs? Look, from now on, can we just be ourselves? Yes, please.
I wanna get to know the real you.
The good and bad.
If you insist.
That was awesome.
Now, check this out.
Nice! Some days, I wish I had someone.
And then, there are days like this.
Dad!