iCarly s02e14 Episode Script

It's not my fault.
It's totally your fault.
Don't blame me.
Blame the manufacturer.
I am blaming you.
What's a manufacturer? And you can also blame your mom for buyin' you low quality underwear.
My mom tries to be responsible and save money.
It cost a nickel.
Don't make this about my mother.
Don't-- a whole nickel.
Oh.
She must-- hey, will you guys stop already? What's the problem now? Sam tried to give Gibby a wedgie.
Yeah, and this happened.
And they were new.
Wait, she-- yes, she yanked Gibby's underwear right out of his pants.
Like it's my fault, his mom buys him cheap-o underwear.
They were workin' just fine 'til you manhandled them.
Good morning, young citizens of the planet.
Go ahead and take your seats.
I'm sure you're all as psyched as I am.
It's that time of the year again.
Time for his yearly shower? It's national green week.
Yehey.
No.
Okay, now we all know it's cool to recycle and be kind to the planet every week.
Can I be excused? You need to go to the restroom? Nah, I just hate this.
But seriously guys, we gotta spread the word: Reduce, reuse, recycle.
Who wants to sing the jingle? I bet Carly wants to sing it.
Oh, you'd lose that bet.
Come on, Carly, sing it for us.
Come on, come on.
Yes, come on.
Reduce, reuse, and recycle cha all right.
Now, to celebrate n.
G.
W.
, I want everyone to do an original project that benefits the environment.
Like switching to those curly-q fluorescent light bulbs? Yes, but that bores me.
What about really big fluorescent light bulbs? Gibby, go stand in the corner.
Ah, mustard.
Can't I just conserve water by not flushing the toilet for a few days? I said original.
I got rid of my toilet two years ago because-- who needs a toilet when you have a backyard and a shovel? Yes.
Good, Freddie, good.
Um, how much will this project count toward our final grade? A lot.
Oh.
But remember, you can always get extra credit by joining me on the root and berry retreat.
What's the root and berry retreat? Oh, you see, one weekend every year, I take a few students on a magical trip deep into the forest.
But if we get a good grade on our environment project, then we don't have to go on the retreat, right? Well, true, but it's a lot of fun and-- Excuse me.
I'm Gibby's mother.
He texted me saying he needed these.
Gibby? Thanks, mom.
Mm-hmm.
Not in here.
Whoa.
Gibby.
No.
No.
Prudes.
In five, four, three, two-- I know, you see somehow the world will change for me and be so wonderful live life, breathe air I know somehow we're gonna get there and feel so wonderful it's all for real I'm telling you just how I feel so wake up the members of my nation it's your time to be there's no chance unless you take one and it's time to see the brighter side of every situation some things are meant to be so give your best Okay worms, let's see what we gotta do here.
A fun way to help our environment is by creating a composter.
Basically, you fill a box with dirt and worms.
Then you place all your leftover food scraps into the box.
Yehey.
What's more fun than a box full a dirty worms and rotten food? The worms will eat the food scraps and then produce poo.
Poo? Now, before you start your composter-- don't you mean compooster? --Pick up one of your worms and check to make sure it's pink and plump.
All right.
I can pick up a worm.
Oh, you stuck to the ceiling.
It's Freddie.
It's open.
What is that? This is my green week project; The latest in high-tech composting technology.
Composting? Uh-huh.
I imported my worms from Portugal.
Oh.
Fancy.
What's that stuff? Nothing.
It's my lunch.
Don't look at it.
Hey, you guys, check out my tomato plant.
I grew it from just one seed all by myself.
Oh, what's that thing? It's the best composter in the history of the world, okay? Oh, wait, were you gonna build a composter, too? I was.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean--oh, one sec.
Oh, time to massage the worms.
Why do the worms need to be massaged? It helps their digestion and self confidence.
Later.
See you.
Bye.
Now what's my project gonna be? I don't wanna go deep into the forest with mister henning.
Help me think of a new project.
Okay.
Hey.
I still have the electric motor I bought from that redheaded Eskimo lady.
So? So, I can hook it up to your old scooter and make-- an electric scooter.
That's perfect.
And I'll ride it to school instead of taking the bus.
Right.
And that way the bus won't have to carry your weight and it'll burn less fuel.
I don't weigh that much.
I know.
But every pound counts.
You think I'm pudgy.
I didn't say that.
Maybe I should leave the room before my skirt explodes.
I don't think that-- oh.
A worm fell on my head.
Come on, come on, come on.
Hey.
I don't know what it is, but you better hurry up and get it to the dork festival.
This is my green week project for mister Henning's class.
One sec.
What is that? Beef Stroganoff.
You forgot about your green week project, didn't you? I didn't forget.
I chose not to do it.
Okay.
Well, then I guess you're gonna have to choose to go on the root and berry retreat to get extra credit.
Yeah.
Here's my worried look.
Oh no, meah, meah.
Hey move, lady.
I'm helping the environment.
Stupid hippie.
Oh, man.
I hear you laughing.
So, in just three days, my composter has produced over 15 pounds of organic fertilizer enough to fill four large garbage bags, and I ain't just talkin' trash.
Well, Freddie, it looks like you've put a lot of work into this project.
I did.
What do you think? Look, it's fine.
But it's not new, or exciting, or good.
But I imported my worms from Portugal.
And do you realize how much jet fuel an airplane uses to fly here fromortugal? Ah-- burning jet fuel is very bad for the environment, Freddie.
Gyah.
But at least it-- d-minus.
But-- sit.
Yes, sir.
Who wants to go next? Sam does.
Dude-- Sam, you're up.
Behold, the humble orange.
So many of our foods and beverages today are sold with all kinds of needless packaging which ends up right in our nation's trash cans.
Well, I say to heck with packaging.
If I'm thirsty, I can just do this-- hmm.
That was refreshing.
But wait.
Now I'm hungry.
Hmm, what should I-- you see? I just had a drink and a snack.
And now, I simply dispose of the biodegradable orange carcass.
Bravo.
Bravo, Sam.
Noooo! She just jammed her thumb into an orange.
No.
She jammed her thumb into the future.
That's an "a" for you, Sam.
Thank you, mister henning.
All right.
Wesley, why don't you-- I'm here.
Carly? You look awful.
Thanks.
What happened to you? What happened? I tried to make an electric scooter to cut down on the need for gasoline-powered transportation.
But it only goes like four miles an hour, and it shorts out when it gets wet, and the seat hurts my bottom.
Well, Carly, do you know how much power is needed to charge a huge battery like that? Uh, I don't know, like, you--it was--some? A lot.
You would have created a much less pollution by just taking the bus.
But what if-- I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you a d-- aw.
--Minus.
Aww.
But you can still get extra credit by joining me on the root and berry retreat.
Aww.
Ahhh.
Hi.
Hey.
Oh, look at your electric scooter.
Your poor, barbecued electric scooter.
I know.
Well, maybe Spencer could help you fix it.
It's okay, don't worry about it.
Wow, you're in a good mood for someone who just got a d-minus on her science project.
'Cause mister henning said he'd give me the weekend to come up with a new project.
Ah, so you might not have to go on the root and berry retreat.
Not after I get an "a" on this, I won't.
Whatcha makin'? A completely environmentally safe pesticide.
Uh-oh, I'm bored.
No, this is cool.
I'm inventing a safe pesticide that'll kill the bugs, but not hurt the environment.
I just want a boyfriend.
Pay attention.
Okay.
Now watch, I'm gonna spray this tomato plant with my pesticide.
And now, if any bugs try to eat it, my pesticide will kill 'em before any harm can come to the plant or to the environment.
Is that supposed to happen? No.
I'm a plant murderer.
One day they'll make a movie about me called "the plant murderer.
" Carly.
Hey, come here.
I want you to meet a guy I found.
This is Cal.
Hi.
Hey.
How are you? He just moved in to our building.
Nice.
So, Cal, you got a teenage brother, maybe one a little better lookin' than you? Uh, no, I don't.
Cal and I met down in the laundry room.
He let me borrow his stain stick.
Yeah.
Can I get that back? Oh, yeah, sure.
This is a pepperoni stick.
Oh my God.
I'm in trouble.
Look, we'd love to hang out and talk about laundry and stain sticks, but if I don't come up with an idea for a new science project by tonight-- Cal is gonna help you come up with the best science project ever.
I'm a science student.
I was majoring in quantum physics at m.
I.
T.
Wow.
Whatever.
So your brother tells me you need to come up with a special project for green week.
Yeah, I do.
And I only have two days.
Well, what would you say if I told you that we could build a compact power generator only this big that gives off no pollution? You could do that? Sure.
We could start tonight.
Awesome, thanks.
Hey, Cal, you wanna see my tomato plant that I grew from one tiny seed? Sure.
No, he doesn't.
Why not? I want him to-- You're a plant murderer.
Okay, hand me the static polarizer.
Ah, static polarizer-- blue handle.
Ah.
Hey, in solitaire, what goes on a black queen? Red Jack.
Oh.
I don't have a red Jack.
Shucks for you.
This is the coolest power generator I've ever seen.
Not that I've seen an uncool power generator, but you know what I mean.
Yeah.
Farkle wrench? This thing? M-hmm.
French fry.
Ketchup? Oh.
I need a red Jack.
Man, I hate solitaire.
Well, what do you expect from a card game invented for the lonely? Joy? All right, Carly.
Use this to zero out the compression modulator.
Me? Just put it on this valve and turn it counter-clockwise till you see 0.
0.
Okay.
Counter-clockwise.
Oh, 0.
0.
I'm a physicist.
Alright.
Now for the main fuel supply.
Cool.
What is that? The main fuel supply.
Yeah, but what's it made of? Uh, let's just say it comes from nature.
Oh, perfect for green week.
Yep.
Here we go.
Red Jack? No.
Having fun? No.
And done.
Awesome.
So how much can we power with this thing? Oh, I'd say the whole west side of Seattle.
Wow.
Why doesn't everyone have one of these? Because some people are afraid of progress.
Oh.
Well okay.
Ready? Yeah, fire this bad boy up.
Hey, it works.
Okay, I'm totally gonna get an a-plus on this.
You should.
Hey, this thing could power a computer, some lights, and a couple of video cameras at the same time, right? Easy.
Why? I wanna use it for my next Web show.
Oh, it's got plenty of power for that.
You wanna see? Sure.
Hey, hey.
Whoa.
Hey, could you turn it down a little? Ah.
I think you better turn it off.
Found the red Jack.
In five, four, three, two-- bwaaaaaaaah! Bwaaaaaaaah! I'm not Carly.
And I'm not Sam.
But this is absolutely "iCarly.
" "iCarly.
" Okay, before we go on-- we are gonna introduce you guys to some very special guests here in the studio with us tonight.
First-- my brother, Spencer.
Our new friend, cal.
And our science teacher, mister henning.
Heads up, hippie ladies, he's single.
So, why do we have these special guests tonight? 'Cause this is the first ever-- --totally green episode of "iCarly.
" And by green, we mean-- --the electrical power making this live Web show happen is all coming from this one, little, nonpolluting generator.
Zoom in on it, Fred-head.
Zooming.
It's powering Freddie's camera.
And the two computers that bring you "iCarly.
" And all the lights.
Especially our new environmentally green strobe lights.
A toast.
Toast.
A toast.
To Carly Shay, and the first project ever in my class to get an a-plus.
And a toast to Cal.
Good goin' Carls.
Now, you don't have to go on that root and berry retreat, which all the kids say is an awesome time.
And they don't say it sarcastically.
I have to go on the root and berry retreat.
Mister henning, I gotta say, now that you gave me an a-plus, I think you're a pretty darn good science teacher.
Thank you, Carly.
You know, when I was at Ridgeway, we had this science teacher who was such a loser.
I mean, like a freaky weirdo, and he smelled like rotting wood.
Spencer-- hmm? That was me.
What? Oh.
Hey.
Check out that guy over there.
Blue shirt? Yeah.
Guy's got a sweet haircut.
Where does a fellow get a haircut like that? Not at my barber.
Come on.
Hey, excuse us.
We were wondering where you get your hair cut.
It's pretty sweet.
Me? Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Hey.
You know, I was wondering the same thing.
Where do you get your hair cut? Uh, I don't remember.
Oh, come on, you can't remem-- wait a second.
I've seen your face.
Uh, no.
I don't-- FBI most wanted.
You're a criminal.
What? It's-- stop! Go after him.
I'll call it in.
Let's get him.
What's goin' on? That guy's wanted by the FBI.
Why? What'd he do? Refill? He buys and sells black market uranium rods to create nuclear power which is extremely illegal.
You guys know anything about that? No.
Uh-uh.
I like smoothies.
This is officer price.
We got a 10-41 at the groovy smoothie.
Two officers in foot pursuit of a top ten FBI most wanted criminal.
You built an illegal nuclear-powered generator? Uh, sorta, maybe.
But I still get an a-plus, right? A-minus? Root and berry? Root? Sure.
Berry? Thanks.
Man, how long can it keep raining? Here, the pan flute should lift your spirits.