K.C. Undercover (2015) s02e14 Episode Script
Tightrope of Doom
1 Oh, when danger comes for you You know I'll stand beside you 'Cause ain't nobody keep their heads so cool I'll always find a way A way out of the fire But don't tell nobody, tell nobody I'm not perfect So many things I wanna tell you But I I keep it undercover! Living my life on red alert Doing my thing, I'll make it work Know I'm the realest, baby I'm fearless But I always got your back Nobody can do it like I can I gotta find out who I am Ain't got no worry about me It's all part of the plan K.
C: I keep it undercover.
I keep it undercover.
Your Honor, the Prosecution calls Agent 8433599.
I feel like I should be walking her up there.
Craig, she's testifying, not getting married.
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? Yes, I do.
One time, I was on my porch when my neighbor Mrs.
Goldfeder got dropped off after a date, and when they kissed, I didn't look away, I I watched.
I meant when Prosecutor Baker starts asking you questions.
Oh, I knew that.
(Chuckles) Just had to get that off my chest.
Agent, you were present at The Luffman Gallery when the theft took place? Uh, yes.
I was investigating a string of art thefts.
I was accompanied by Agent 9487445, even though I was.
.
A bit concerned about his abilities.
He can be a bit of a nimrod.
I object! How dare you call me a nimrod? That is insulting and the witness is clearly lying.
I demand a mistrial! A mistrial! Nobody even knew you were Agent 9487445 until you opened your big mouth.
Objection overruled.
Sorry, nimrod.
Please continue.
Well, I went undercover to see if I could catch the thief in the act.
I am Lola Fingers.
Artiste.
And I'm her manager, Tommy Lasorda.
The artiste's manager, not the baseball manager.
He's a large white man, and I'm a short black guy with a penchant for turtlenecks.
Your work is genius, as is your hair.
Oh, well, my style is "perpetually caught in a breeze" to remind me that life is always moving as must art.
Oh, yes.
This space is perfect! It's bare.
It's naked.
I will cover your shame, naked wall With art! She'll need total privacy.
Her most creative hours are two to five a.
m.
You've got it, Lola.
But it would be an honor to come by and see you work.
Why wait? She can do one right now.
Lola's known for her spontaneous paintings.
(Chuckles) Yes.
I'm also known for firing my manager.
Come on, Lola.
Do the one where you roll around and Why am I explaining when she can just show you? Lola? Oh, no.
No, thank you.
I'm just not feeling the muse right now.
Then let me help you feel it.
Waaa aha Oh, yes.
Oh, I'm not done.
I'm not done.
Ohhhh, lovely! Oh, yes! Yes, I'm really starting to feel it everywhere now.
Yes! Oh, yeah! Lola, you've done it again.
Don't hold back.
Rage is your medium.
I love it.
Yes, Lola.
You've done it again.
Eh, I wouldn't say it's your best work.
Oh, really? Oh, lovely.
Ah! Look at that! Another Lola Fingers original.
Allow me to sign it for you.
Agent 8433599, would you describe the moment when you apprehended the defendant? Sure.
Well, most people think that spy work is fun and exciting, and most of the time it is, but a lot of the time, it's just a lot of waiting and watching.
And after a lot of waiting and watching, and coconut water, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is sometimes you just gotta pee.
OK? I was only gone for, like, two minutes when I heard the alarm go off and I ran back in.
(Alarm bell ringing) When I got back, Descoteaux's "Woman On A Horse At Dawn," the most expensive painting in the gallery, was cut out of its frame.
And I know it didn't ride itself out, A) Because it's a painting, and B) Because it was two lines and a dot that didn't look a dang thing like a horse or a woman.
I looked around, and all I saw was security guard Mr.
McCoy.
He was off of his assigned post, out of breath, and he claimed that he didn't know what had happened.
Like I was gonna fall for the okey-doke.
And is that security guard here today? Well, yeah.
He's right there.
He's the guy on trial.
Does nobody else see him, or? And how do you know someone else didn't steal the painting? The building was on lockdown with very tight security.
None of the entry ways were breached, so Mr.
McCoy was the only one who could've done it.
Prosecution rests! My bad.
The prosecution gives me the stink-eye and will rest when she sees fit.
Petey.
(Nervous chuckle) What are you doing here? The Coopers aren't home.
Which begs the question: What are you doing here? Nothing.
Really? 'Cause it seems to me that you're stealing K.
C.
's old book reports.
Well, I prefer the term "borrowing with intent to pass".
What do you care? I don't care.
But K.
C.
will.
So here's how this is gonna work.
We're going for an All-I-Can-Eat lunch at the Olive Pit.
Your treat.
Are you blackmailing me? Oh, I am.
But I'll take my payment in small, unmarked meatballs.
You are a small, unmarked meatball.
(Gavel strikes) Bob McCoy.
A jury of your peers has found you guilty as charged.
(Spectators murmuring) No! They're wrong.
I'm innocent! Congrats, K.
C.
! Your 100th conviction.
I can't wait until mine.
Me neither.
Only a hundred to go.
You have to help me.
Please, you have to believe me.
I'm innocent.
But a jury of your peers If I did it, where's the art? They never found the art.
Find the art and you'll find the thief.
Please! I'm being set up! I wouldn't know a Rembrandt from my rear end! You gotta believe me! Help me! Well, honey.
You got your guy.
Did I? Marisa, I'm freaking out.
Thanks to my testimony, an innocent man could be going to prison for 20 years.
I can totally relate.
You can? Yes.
Petey is blackmailing me to hang out with him.
It was only a couple of days, but it felt like 20 years.
He made me take him to pizza, and then the movies, and then the circus.
And, boy, can that kid snack.
Wow! Petey might as well skip the middleman and pull out his own teeth.
And why exactly is he blackmailing you? Who cares? You put an innocent man behind bars.
Miami, Atlanta, Chicago, New York.
Ding ding! Places we should go on spring break! No, no, no.
They're all the cities that the Cecil B.
DeVille Traveling Circus appeared in in the past few months.
And they're all the same places that the art heists took place.
At the same time.
Where are you going? To prison.
Wow.
I always assumed I'd wind up there before she did.
(Buzzer sounds) Ah.
I'm Officer Frida Dudeinjail.
Hey! Eyes down here, big guy.
Look, I know I'm beautiful, but, get over it! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to talk to McCoy.
Got a message from the warden.
Thank you.
Well! You're lookin' weak, McCoy! You should be using your time in the slammer to get swole! (Sighs) And with any luck, you won't be here very long.
You're going to kill me? No! You know who I am.
Look at me.
Imagine there's two.
Hey You're the one who put me away.
Yes, I am.
But right now, I'm Officer Frida Dudeinjail, and with any luck, I will actually free the dude in jail.
Hard to believe the jury took your word over mine.
Hey, that is not the point, OK? The point is, I don't think you're guilty.
And you couldn't have mentioned that when you were on the stand testifying?! Hey! Look, you asked me for help, and I'm here to clear your name.
I'm gonna get you out of here.
I'm almost positive who the real thief is.
It's either a a performer, or some type of animal in a traveling circus.
OK looks like I'm going to be in here a while.
But don't worry about me.
Historically, skinny, weak guys do great in prison.
And the organization now agrees that I'm onto something.
Guys, I have to make this right and get McCoy out of jail.
So, who's ready to run away and join the circus? Please.
I did that the day I moved in here.
OK, that would jack my circuitry up! Guys, I'm I'm getting really emotional, I feel like we finally found Ernie's real family.
Hello I'm Cecil B.
DeVille, the owner of Cecil B.
DeVille's Traveling Circus, and the world's greatest ringmaster.
Or, as my mother likes to call me, the world's greatest disappointment.
Well, I'm Kimmy and this is my family.
Where are you traveling to next? My office, for my afternoon cry sesh.
(Choking up) Well, thank you so much for coming on short notice.
Oh, of course.
We are honored to be a part of your incredible operation.
What? You didn't have anything to do with my quadruple bypass.
Oh! Oh, this two-bit circus.
Yeah, right.
I wish more young people felt that way.
Kids today would rather sit in front of their computers and watch clips of the circus than go to the actual circus.
Not just kids.
Adults too.
See, all you have to do is click on this link, and then you can Yeah, I can see how that would be a problem for you.
Aren't you a little small and fragile to be a circus performer? And aren't you a little sad and depressed to be a ringmaster? Touché.
Well, ya'all get settled.
Your dressing rooms are right over there.
You'll find them right past my broken dream.
Hey, did you guys hear that? Yeah! We get our own dressing rooms! No.
His business is struggling.
It's motive to steal if I've ever heard it.
Well, that's one possibility.
Let's fan out and see what else we come up with.
Great.
I'll start with spying on Cecil during his cry sesh.
What? It's funny to me when grown men cry.
Where'd they all go? (Laughs) Looking for these? Petey.
(Chuckling) You're not supposed to be here when the Coopers aren't home.
You're in big trouble, mister.
Big, big trouble.
I'm thinking you take me to the movies.
I'm thinking I'll call your bluff.
I'm thinking I'll call K.
C.
I'm thinking that we should leave now before we miss previews.
I like your thinking.
(Chuckles) Oh trust me, you don't wanna know what I'm thinking.
Hi, everybody! I am Kimmy James, the new tightrope walker.
I'm so gosh-darn excited to be here.
Has anyone seen my new partner Laszlo? I am Laszlo.
(Foreign accent) You're looking for me? Well, if I wasn't before, I am now.
I am Kimmy James, the high-priestess of the high wire.
So, you walk the tightrope with religious authority of some type? Where are you from? Wisconsin, the heart of America's dairyland.
Oh.
So am I.
Really? No! I am Romanian.
But I have family that lives in Wisconsin.
What part are you from? Wh Uh, what part is your family from? (Chuckles) Madison.
Yeah, well, I'm from the other part.
Oh, Kenosha? Yup.
Yup, that's me.
Straight outta Kenosha.
OK.
So I checked out all the concession workers.
No art thieves, but plenty of crooks.
Hmm.
You know, they have the nerve to charge $8.
99 for a funnel cake and then skimp on the powdered sugar.
Achoo! Achoo! Achoo! Hey, are you gonna sneeze your way through this whole mission? I'm allergic to these dumb tigers.
(Growling) I think that you mean these majestic, beautiful giants who pretty much outrank you on the food chain.
(Growling louder) (Toots) Whoa! Oh, hi! Yeah.
My makeup doesn't look right.
I'm new at this.
You're old at this? So you wanna do my makeup? OK.
Sounds good to me.
You know, it's not easy being the new clown in town.
It's a lot of pressure.
What if my pants fall down before they're supposed to? What if everyone laughs at me? Or worse, what if they don't? Aw, thank you! Hey! I like.
Well! Maybe I should wear makeup more often.
Not that it really matters because I probably won't be able to keep the lights on for another day, but what exactly is it that you do, kid? Balloon animals? Poodle tricks? I am Judini, the Human-ish Cannonball.
Uh-huh.
Sweetie, I'm not familiar with all the child labor laws, but I'm pretty sure shooting a little girl out of a cannon is frowned upon.
I'm tougher than I look.
Punch me in the stomach.
Come on.
Punch me! I'm pretty sure that's frowned upon too.
Ouch! Ow! That Cannon's over there.
Knock yourself out, Judini.
Ow! Now it is time that we rehearse.
On that little piece of dental floss? Ah I mean, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Except we could have it another way, like lower and wider and both.
Why do I feel like you are stalling? No, no.
I'm not stalling.
I just I think we should get to know each other.
You know, I don't just go up on a high-wire with anyone.
So, what are you into? You like art? Ever been to an art gallery? Hey! Hello, there, little crab man.
I would shake your hand, but you're currently using them to walk, so Hi, I'm Kimmy, the new tightrope walker.
Why are you telling me? I don't know you.
I don't talk to strangers.
That guy's all bent out of shape.
What's his deal? Totally paranoid.
Always looking over his shoulder and other body parts.
Paranoid and can fit into small spaces.
Good to know.
JEFF: Are you talkin' about me? Gotta be honest.
This isn't working.
Yeah, well, next time try ordering a salad.
I told you the sardine pineapple pizza was a bad idea.
No, I mean us.
This blackmailing thing doesn't have the spontaneity it used to.
I threaten to tell K.
C.
, you take me fun places.
I threaten to tell K.
C.
, you take me fun places.
Where's the magic? Where's the spark? Oh, so it's my fault we're stuck in this rut? It takes two to tango, mister.
Tango! That would be a great change of pace.
We never go dancing.
Well, I don't see you making much of an effort.
Stop criticizing me, woman! Oh, my goodness.
I am dating a nine-year-old.
And the worst part is, this is the longest relationship I've ever had.
Please.
Child's play.
Great work, everybody! Tomorrow we perform for the crowd.
You know, if anyone actually shows up.
Guys.
Guys.
OK.
Let's review the suspects.
There's DeVille, the sad sack owner of the circus.
Definitely has a motive to steal.
(Sobbing) And to see a therapist.
Agreed, but, if he stole millions of dollars' worth of art, then why is he still in such a bad mood? We need to keep an eye on him.
OK, Judy? Judy! Yeah.
Yeah.
Watch DeVille.
Got it.
What's up with this Laszlo guy you're working with? Well, I mean, he keeps complaining about not getting paid, but the jury's still out on him.
But not his abs they're guilty of being perfect.
Any suspects other than Mr.
Good Core? I did meet this one girl.
She's the warmest, most beautiful, elegant creature I've ever seen.
What's her name? Wacky Jackie.
I really like her, and I think she likes me.
Well, then, Jackie is definitely wacky.
(Chuckles) Oh look at that.
A rose! That is so sweet.
Look, I'm sorry to break it to you, but I don't date co-workers.
"Kimmy, I know why you're really here.
"I have information that can help you.
Meet me in the storage room in five minutes.
" Did you write this? Stop licking me.
What part of "it's not happening" do you not understand, Frenchie? (Door opens) Hey! Yoo-hoo! It's me.
Kimmy.
(Chuckles) (Turns switches on and off) Came to talk.
I got your letter.
(Door shuts) (Door locked) (Growling) Oh! OK, um, you know what? Now is a great time to discuss the merits of bein' a vegetarian.
(Rattling lock) (Growling) Come on.
(Panting) You guys really don't wanna do this.
I mean, look at me.
I barely got any meat on my bones.
I would be a lot of work for a little dinner.
(Growling) Help! Help! Help! Did someone call for help? (Low growls) Yeah, this whole rushing-in- and-saving-me thing, not makin' you any less attractive.
So, McCoy is still stuck in prison and we have no idea who the actual thief is.
But you know what? I'll tell you who it isn't.
Laszlo.
If it wasn't for him Those tigers would have K.
C.
breath? Be poopin' out flannel tomorrow? I was going to say flossing pieces of me out of their teeth, but you know what? I like your's better.
Kira: Uh, Judy, can you analyze the handwriting and tell us who wrote this note? I would say this was written by someone with access to a pen.
Seriously, people, I need samples to compare it to.
I am not a machine.
OK.
I am a machine, but I do need samples to compare to.
(Sneezing) Dad, why are you wearing your glasses? I can't wear my contacts.
My eyes are on fire.
Yeah.
He's allergic to those adorable tigers but he doesn't wanna complain about it to anybody but me.
You know, Dad, with those glasses on, you kinda remind of someone.
You know, I feel bad for anybody who has to look like this all the time.
Looking good, Dad.
Ah, I know you look like someone but I cannot put my finger on it.
Uh, anyway.
Guys, let's focus, OK? Let's do what we do best.
Both: Eat dinner? No.
Complete this mission.
Like the highly qualified spies four out of five of us actually are.
Now, we need everyone's handwriting samples.
I'll get Wacky Jackie's, and if she's guilty, I'll see if she can be redeemed by the love of a good man.
You know what? I got it.
I know who you look like.
Don Cheadle.
(Laughing) Yeah.
yeah.
No.
No, no.
That's not it.
Man! This is gonna bug me all day.
Good thing I'm fire-retardant.
Judini, wait! Wait! Wait! (Sighs) Are you going to talk me out of this because it's not safe for an adult, let alone a nine-year-old? Heck no! I just didn't want to miss it! But be careful.
The Cecil B.
DeVille Circus does not have insurance.
So what happens if your fancy art collection goes up in flames? My what? Never mind.
Whoo-hoo! Yeah, baby! (Laughing) Not bad, huh? Judini, that was incredible! You're my new star headliner.
Can I get that in writing? So, Wacky Jackie Oh, don't be so formal.
Call me Wacky.
OK.
I've been thinking about our act, Wacky Jackie I mean, Wacky.
Right now, I pour seltzer down your pants, you hit me with the rubber chicken, then I cough out feathers.
But what if instead I spray you with seltzer? Oh, I love that! Ernie, you're the funniest guy I've ever met.
And I've worked with Jingles The Clown.
High praise! Oh, by the way, it's Mitzi the Dancing Poodle's birthday today, and I'm passing around a card.
Everyone's signing it.
And if you could somehow work the words "storage room" in there, that'd be great.
Hop on.
You know, I would, but I did a spinning class this morning.
Come on.
You know, I'm just I'm not really a huge fan of the whole, you know, bike-on-a-tightrope thing.
It's a little "been there, I don't want to do that.
" Don't be nervous.
Nothing can go wrong as long as the net is there.
Of course.
Hup.
OK.
(Clears throat) Oooh.
KC: Oh, oh, OK.
All right.
What ya doin'? (Nervous chuckles) Hup! All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
(KC grunts) Hop on.
Ride back to the platform? Don't mind if I do.
Hup! OK.
Oooh All right.
This is good.
You're very good (Both chuckle) for a beginner.
Beginner? Please, I have been doing this my whole life.
In fact, I came out walking on the umbilical cord.
KC: I don't know why you'd think I'm a beginner.
LASZLO: Well, considering one of your fingernails is stuck in my arm from when you were holding on to it for dear life, I'd say there's a chance you're not being completely honest.
Come on.
Tell me whats really going on.
You know you can trust me.
All right.
But, listen.
You have to swear that you won't tell anybody, or else it could be the end of my career.
I swear.
OK.
Look, there's been a string of art heists and I have been assigned to find the thief.
I'm actually an undercover insurance adjuster.
Yup.
Just as glamorous as it sounds.
An art thief? Huh.
Do you have any leads? Well, right now, I'm thinking it's the tigers, but that's probably an overly emotional, biased response to them trying to eat me! OK, I am not a secret undercover insurance adjuster like you, but you know who I think it could be? Jeff the creepy contortionist.
You know what? You may be right.
My mom always told me never trust a guy who blows his nose upside down with his feet.
Oh, wow! Your butt's a built-in coffee table! Who are you? What are you doing here? Am I being fired? Is there a fire? Where are the exits? (Chuckles) You're so silly! No.
I'm just your biggest fan.
Even though I'm only four feet tall.
But my mom says if I eat my fruits and vegetables I'll grow big and strong! Well, could you grow somewhere else? I just wanted your autograph.
I don't do autographs.
(Cries) OK, you can have my autograph! Just please stop crying.
Can you make it out to Amy? (Softly) Oh, dang.
I need more letters.
Uh, can you make it out to my full name? I am Amy Jingleheimerschmidt.
Ow! Cramp! Cramp! Hey! Work through the pain, Bendy Boy! Oh, I'm sorry.
I think I got a little froggy in my throat.
Marisa: Look, Petey, I think this is our last hurrah.
I need an actual boyfriend, and you need to be home by 8:00, so I don't see this working out.
Yeah, I'm over you, too.
It's been real.
Um, no, no, no.
You're not letting me down easy, I am letting you down easy! (Trumpet playing) (Audience cheers) (Whistle blows) (Nose honks) (Cheers, applause) (Petey screaming) Yeah! Hey, don't those circus people kinda look a little like the Coopers? I am not speaking to you.
We will enjoy the show, and then go our separate ways, as per your wishes.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am your ringmaster, Cecil B.
DeVille, welcoming you to the greatest circus in the world! Don't fact check that.
And now, for our first act, Wacky Jackie and her Big Top Clowns! (Audience cheering) (Laughter) (Clang) That weird, pathetic clown kinda reminds me of Ernie.
It is Ernie! Uh, uh, Earnie? Yeah, right.
I admit he's a clown, but he's not a professional.
I'm gonna go see what I can find out.
Uh, no, no, no, no, no.
Uh, new act is coming out.
Don't want to miss it.
KC, I just completed analyzing the writing samples, and none of them are a match.
But someone at the circus has got to be involved with the art theft.
McCoy is still in jail, and we need to help him.
What am I not seeing? Laszlo.
What about Laszlo? No.
I'm definitely seeing Laszlo.
I like what I see, OK? No.
Not OK.
We never got his writing sample.
But he's cool.
Remember? I told you, he's the one who saved me from the tigers.
Or, he's the one who tried to feed you to the tigers.
What? No! No.
Think about it.
He just so happened to have a side of raw beef when he walked by the storage room? I am sure that there is some logical explanation for why that would happen.
I mean, he was probably just cooking some dinner, heard me yelling for help, and made a split-second decision to sacrifice his uncooked filet mignon in order to Yeah, I got played.
And now, tiger lovers, The Amazing Wayne and Wanda! Or, truth be told, The Pretty Good Wayne and Wanda! Oh, who am I kidding? The "They Were Available at the Last Minute Wayne And Wanda.
" (Sneezing) We're in the middle of a show! Will you stop sneezing? Those giant cats are giving me hives! They're making me all itchy.
You want to talk itchy? Get back to me when you're wearing gold lamé drawers! Now pick up that hoop.
OK.
(Tigers growling) You know what? I just figured out who you look like.
And it definitely ain't Don Cheadle.
(Tigers growling) Oh, come on.
You can't tell me that doesn't look exactly like Mrs.
Cooper and kind of an older version of Ernie.
Oh, so now everybody looks like Ernie? (Chuckles) I don't know.
Something's going on, and trust me, I'm gonna get to the bottom of it.
But first, I'm going to get to the bottom of this! (Tigers growling) Up-up! Good girl.
Up-up! (Tigers growling) Yes.
And up-up! (Cheers, applause) (Craig sneezing) Craig, I got a crazy idea.
Crazier than us pretending to be tiger tamers? I've gotten attached to these guys.
And they don't belong at the circus in a cage.
They deserve a good home.
You'd better not be talking about our house.
We don't have room for a litter box that big! No.
We are sneaking them out of here.
I found a sanctuary that will feed them and take care of them.
For free? Can we send the kids there instead of college? Ow! Just asking! Achoo! KC: (Thinking) All right, Laszlo, there's gotta be proof that you're the art thief in here somewhere.
Ugh! Why isn't there anything here? Unless I'm wrong and you are as sweet on the inside as you are on the outside.
Hey! What are you doing in here? It's my dressing room.
What are you doing here? Oh, right.
Um, I stopped by to say goodbye.
Yeah, um, turns out nobody at this circus is part of the art theft, so the insurance company assigned me to a different case.
Yeah, something about someone got rear-ended, or somebody's rear end not turning out right.
I don't know.
Either I'll be talking to a mechanic or a plastic surgeon.
Well, toodles.
Well, wait! You can't leave yet.
It's almost time for our performance, and Laszlo needs a partner.
You've gotten so good at the routine, and we can't disappoint all those little kids.
Awright.
(Chuckles) I guess it's showtime! Oh, yes It's definitely showtime.
Hey! That poodle and I have the same haircut! Earnie.
Earnie, what are you doing? Waiting for the poodle act to finish.
I want to give Mitzi her birthday card.
Aw, how cute is that? Focus! Look, I need you sneak into Laszlo's dressing room and see if you can get any evidence tying him to the art theft.
All right, let me set a reminder.
If you could do all this before I have to get on that highwire.
Walking on a tightrope is not necessarily a walk in the park.
Relax.
There's a net.
It's not that big a deal.
Said the boy who freaks out when his peas touches his mashed potatoes.
They're not meant to touch! And now, direct your eyes to The Great Judini! (Cheers, applause) OK, I'm not crazy! That's Judy! That's Judy! (Chuckles) You are being ridiculous.
Here, have some popcorn.
Are you ready, Judini? I came out of the box ready.
Beam me up, Shorty Bop! Bon voyage, money maker! Judy: Whoo-hoo! Hey, Petey! How ya doin'? What do you say now? You still don't think that's Judy? I guess I see a passing resemblance.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, the Cecil B.
DeVille Traveling Circus is proud to present the high-wire act beyond compare, the circus star extraordinaire, the one, the only Laszlo! Wow, I'm suddenly enjoying the circus.
And my beautiful (Softly) and temporary partner, Kimmy! Kimmy, my Aunt Franny! That's KC Cooper! Marisa: I don't think so.
Petey: Oh, come on! She's your best friend! How can you not recognize your best friend? (Two-way radio beeps) Perfect timing, bro.
What's up? Ernie: I'm in Laszlo's dressing room.
You need to know two things.
First, I found the blueprints to every single art gallery that was robbed.
He's our guy.
What's the other thing? I found lip prints all over his headshot.
I think he's been making out with his own photo.
He's a weirdo! Be careful! KC: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just got to do this performance, then I'll take him down.
And now, before we begin our performance, I ask Mr.
DeVille to remove the safety nets! Remove the what now? Come on, Kimmy! Let's do this! Ya know, I would, I really would, but, uh, I just remembered I have some really important plans tonight with some friends of mine the bones in my body and I don't really want to break my plans or my bones.
Relax, it's just like we rehearsed.
One step at a time.
You trust me don't you? (Exhales) (Audience gasps) Excellent, Kimmy.
Or should I say KC! Wh-wh-what are you talking about? You don't even know what you're talking about.
You're not an insurance adjuster, You're here to bust me for those art heists.
OK, so you do know what you're talking about.
I guess the game's over.
I'm taking you in.
(Scoffs) As we say in Romania, I don't think so.
(Audience gasps) Listen, that is not a Romania thing, OK? They literally say that everywhere.
(KC grunts) (Laszlo grunts) So how did you get in the gallery that night? Tightrope from the next building? (Audience gasps) Well, it's no secret I'm an expert with ropes.
Which is how I'll be making my escape.
Mom, the Coopers are in a circus and some guy just pulled a gun on Marisa! Yes, it's true! Pick me up, Mom! Mom!!! (Spectators screaming) Relax! Relax, everybody! It's all a part of the act.
Sheesh! Am I the only one who understands showmanship? Audience: Whoa!!! There seems to be a huge mistake.
I'm not a part of this spy stuff.
I just wanted to steal a book report! Hey! You leave that poor girl alone! Poor girl? Don't you mean your best friend? What? I have never met that girl in my entire life! Yeah.
Yeah, it's true.
I have no idea who KC Coretta Scott King Cooper is, and she is definitely not my next-door neighbor.
OK, maybe we've met a few times! Don't try to follow me or you'll never see her again! KC, help me! (Audience cheers) Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
(Chuckles) Hey, look at that Laszlo, you were right.
I didn't need a net.
But you are gonna need a lawyer.
All rise for the Honorable Dudley Theopolis.
And just to be clear I am the Honorable Dudley Theopolis! Now all sit for the Honorable Dudley Theopolis.
Now stand.
Ha ha! Gotcha.
I didn't say, "for the Honorable Dudley Theopolis.
" You're all out! Ha ha! Gets 'em every time, don't it? All right, let's get down to business.
I have reviewed the new evidence provided by Agent 8433599.
Now that Laszlo, the true art thief, is behind bars, I hereby overturn the previous ruling and find the defendant Bob McCoy not guilty! Whoo! Court adjourned! I don't know how to thank you! Hey, I'm just glad that justice prevailed.
(Chuckles) Good work, Agent.
Thank you.
It was an honor, Your Honor.
You're one smart cookie.
Right back atcha.
(Chuckles) All right, now.
Woman: Rob, your name's on TV! (Boing)
C: I keep it undercover.
I keep it undercover.
Your Honor, the Prosecution calls Agent 8433599.
I feel like I should be walking her up there.
Craig, she's testifying, not getting married.
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? Yes, I do.
One time, I was on my porch when my neighbor Mrs.
Goldfeder got dropped off after a date, and when they kissed, I didn't look away, I I watched.
I meant when Prosecutor Baker starts asking you questions.
Oh, I knew that.
(Chuckles) Just had to get that off my chest.
Agent, you were present at The Luffman Gallery when the theft took place? Uh, yes.
I was investigating a string of art thefts.
I was accompanied by Agent 9487445, even though I was.
.
A bit concerned about his abilities.
He can be a bit of a nimrod.
I object! How dare you call me a nimrod? That is insulting and the witness is clearly lying.
I demand a mistrial! A mistrial! Nobody even knew you were Agent 9487445 until you opened your big mouth.
Objection overruled.
Sorry, nimrod.
Please continue.
Well, I went undercover to see if I could catch the thief in the act.
I am Lola Fingers.
Artiste.
And I'm her manager, Tommy Lasorda.
The artiste's manager, not the baseball manager.
He's a large white man, and I'm a short black guy with a penchant for turtlenecks.
Your work is genius, as is your hair.
Oh, well, my style is "perpetually caught in a breeze" to remind me that life is always moving as must art.
Oh, yes.
This space is perfect! It's bare.
It's naked.
I will cover your shame, naked wall With art! She'll need total privacy.
Her most creative hours are two to five a.
m.
You've got it, Lola.
But it would be an honor to come by and see you work.
Why wait? She can do one right now.
Lola's known for her spontaneous paintings.
(Chuckles) Yes.
I'm also known for firing my manager.
Come on, Lola.
Do the one where you roll around and Why am I explaining when she can just show you? Lola? Oh, no.
No, thank you.
I'm just not feeling the muse right now.
Then let me help you feel it.
Waaa aha Oh, yes.
Oh, I'm not done.
I'm not done.
Ohhhh, lovely! Oh, yes! Yes, I'm really starting to feel it everywhere now.
Yes! Oh, yeah! Lola, you've done it again.
Don't hold back.
Rage is your medium.
I love it.
Yes, Lola.
You've done it again.
Eh, I wouldn't say it's your best work.
Oh, really? Oh, lovely.
Ah! Look at that! Another Lola Fingers original.
Allow me to sign it for you.
Agent 8433599, would you describe the moment when you apprehended the defendant? Sure.
Well, most people think that spy work is fun and exciting, and most of the time it is, but a lot of the time, it's just a lot of waiting and watching.
And after a lot of waiting and watching, and coconut water, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is sometimes you just gotta pee.
OK? I was only gone for, like, two minutes when I heard the alarm go off and I ran back in.
(Alarm bell ringing) When I got back, Descoteaux's "Woman On A Horse At Dawn," the most expensive painting in the gallery, was cut out of its frame.
And I know it didn't ride itself out, A) Because it's a painting, and B) Because it was two lines and a dot that didn't look a dang thing like a horse or a woman.
I looked around, and all I saw was security guard Mr.
McCoy.
He was off of his assigned post, out of breath, and he claimed that he didn't know what had happened.
Like I was gonna fall for the okey-doke.
And is that security guard here today? Well, yeah.
He's right there.
He's the guy on trial.
Does nobody else see him, or? And how do you know someone else didn't steal the painting? The building was on lockdown with very tight security.
None of the entry ways were breached, so Mr.
McCoy was the only one who could've done it.
Prosecution rests! My bad.
The prosecution gives me the stink-eye and will rest when she sees fit.
Petey.
(Nervous chuckle) What are you doing here? The Coopers aren't home.
Which begs the question: What are you doing here? Nothing.
Really? 'Cause it seems to me that you're stealing K.
C.
's old book reports.
Well, I prefer the term "borrowing with intent to pass".
What do you care? I don't care.
But K.
C.
will.
So here's how this is gonna work.
We're going for an All-I-Can-Eat lunch at the Olive Pit.
Your treat.
Are you blackmailing me? Oh, I am.
But I'll take my payment in small, unmarked meatballs.
You are a small, unmarked meatball.
(Gavel strikes) Bob McCoy.
A jury of your peers has found you guilty as charged.
(Spectators murmuring) No! They're wrong.
I'm innocent! Congrats, K.
C.
! Your 100th conviction.
I can't wait until mine.
Me neither.
Only a hundred to go.
You have to help me.
Please, you have to believe me.
I'm innocent.
But a jury of your peers If I did it, where's the art? They never found the art.
Find the art and you'll find the thief.
Please! I'm being set up! I wouldn't know a Rembrandt from my rear end! You gotta believe me! Help me! Well, honey.
You got your guy.
Did I? Marisa, I'm freaking out.
Thanks to my testimony, an innocent man could be going to prison for 20 years.
I can totally relate.
You can? Yes.
Petey is blackmailing me to hang out with him.
It was only a couple of days, but it felt like 20 years.
He made me take him to pizza, and then the movies, and then the circus.
And, boy, can that kid snack.
Wow! Petey might as well skip the middleman and pull out his own teeth.
And why exactly is he blackmailing you? Who cares? You put an innocent man behind bars.
Miami, Atlanta, Chicago, New York.
Ding ding! Places we should go on spring break! No, no, no.
They're all the cities that the Cecil B.
DeVille Traveling Circus appeared in in the past few months.
And they're all the same places that the art heists took place.
At the same time.
Where are you going? To prison.
Wow.
I always assumed I'd wind up there before she did.
(Buzzer sounds) Ah.
I'm Officer Frida Dudeinjail.
Hey! Eyes down here, big guy.
Look, I know I'm beautiful, but, get over it! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to talk to McCoy.
Got a message from the warden.
Thank you.
Well! You're lookin' weak, McCoy! You should be using your time in the slammer to get swole! (Sighs) And with any luck, you won't be here very long.
You're going to kill me? No! You know who I am.
Look at me.
Imagine there's two.
Hey You're the one who put me away.
Yes, I am.
But right now, I'm Officer Frida Dudeinjail, and with any luck, I will actually free the dude in jail.
Hard to believe the jury took your word over mine.
Hey, that is not the point, OK? The point is, I don't think you're guilty.
And you couldn't have mentioned that when you were on the stand testifying?! Hey! Look, you asked me for help, and I'm here to clear your name.
I'm gonna get you out of here.
I'm almost positive who the real thief is.
It's either a a performer, or some type of animal in a traveling circus.
OK looks like I'm going to be in here a while.
But don't worry about me.
Historically, skinny, weak guys do great in prison.
And the organization now agrees that I'm onto something.
Guys, I have to make this right and get McCoy out of jail.
So, who's ready to run away and join the circus? Please.
I did that the day I moved in here.
OK, that would jack my circuitry up! Guys, I'm I'm getting really emotional, I feel like we finally found Ernie's real family.
Hello I'm Cecil B.
DeVille, the owner of Cecil B.
DeVille's Traveling Circus, and the world's greatest ringmaster.
Or, as my mother likes to call me, the world's greatest disappointment.
Well, I'm Kimmy and this is my family.
Where are you traveling to next? My office, for my afternoon cry sesh.
(Choking up) Well, thank you so much for coming on short notice.
Oh, of course.
We are honored to be a part of your incredible operation.
What? You didn't have anything to do with my quadruple bypass.
Oh! Oh, this two-bit circus.
Yeah, right.
I wish more young people felt that way.
Kids today would rather sit in front of their computers and watch clips of the circus than go to the actual circus.
Not just kids.
Adults too.
See, all you have to do is click on this link, and then you can Yeah, I can see how that would be a problem for you.
Aren't you a little small and fragile to be a circus performer? And aren't you a little sad and depressed to be a ringmaster? Touché.
Well, ya'all get settled.
Your dressing rooms are right over there.
You'll find them right past my broken dream.
Hey, did you guys hear that? Yeah! We get our own dressing rooms! No.
His business is struggling.
It's motive to steal if I've ever heard it.
Well, that's one possibility.
Let's fan out and see what else we come up with.
Great.
I'll start with spying on Cecil during his cry sesh.
What? It's funny to me when grown men cry.
Where'd they all go? (Laughs) Looking for these? Petey.
(Chuckling) You're not supposed to be here when the Coopers aren't home.
You're in big trouble, mister.
Big, big trouble.
I'm thinking you take me to the movies.
I'm thinking I'll call your bluff.
I'm thinking I'll call K.
C.
I'm thinking that we should leave now before we miss previews.
I like your thinking.
(Chuckles) Oh trust me, you don't wanna know what I'm thinking.
Hi, everybody! I am Kimmy James, the new tightrope walker.
I'm so gosh-darn excited to be here.
Has anyone seen my new partner Laszlo? I am Laszlo.
(Foreign accent) You're looking for me? Well, if I wasn't before, I am now.
I am Kimmy James, the high-priestess of the high wire.
So, you walk the tightrope with religious authority of some type? Where are you from? Wisconsin, the heart of America's dairyland.
Oh.
So am I.
Really? No! I am Romanian.
But I have family that lives in Wisconsin.
What part are you from? Wh Uh, what part is your family from? (Chuckles) Madison.
Yeah, well, I'm from the other part.
Oh, Kenosha? Yup.
Yup, that's me.
Straight outta Kenosha.
OK.
So I checked out all the concession workers.
No art thieves, but plenty of crooks.
Hmm.
You know, they have the nerve to charge $8.
99 for a funnel cake and then skimp on the powdered sugar.
Achoo! Achoo! Achoo! Hey, are you gonna sneeze your way through this whole mission? I'm allergic to these dumb tigers.
(Growling) I think that you mean these majestic, beautiful giants who pretty much outrank you on the food chain.
(Growling louder) (Toots) Whoa! Oh, hi! Yeah.
My makeup doesn't look right.
I'm new at this.
You're old at this? So you wanna do my makeup? OK.
Sounds good to me.
You know, it's not easy being the new clown in town.
It's a lot of pressure.
What if my pants fall down before they're supposed to? What if everyone laughs at me? Or worse, what if they don't? Aw, thank you! Hey! I like.
Well! Maybe I should wear makeup more often.
Not that it really matters because I probably won't be able to keep the lights on for another day, but what exactly is it that you do, kid? Balloon animals? Poodle tricks? I am Judini, the Human-ish Cannonball.
Uh-huh.
Sweetie, I'm not familiar with all the child labor laws, but I'm pretty sure shooting a little girl out of a cannon is frowned upon.
I'm tougher than I look.
Punch me in the stomach.
Come on.
Punch me! I'm pretty sure that's frowned upon too.
Ouch! Ow! That Cannon's over there.
Knock yourself out, Judini.
Ow! Now it is time that we rehearse.
On that little piece of dental floss? Ah I mean, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Except we could have it another way, like lower and wider and both.
Why do I feel like you are stalling? No, no.
I'm not stalling.
I just I think we should get to know each other.
You know, I don't just go up on a high-wire with anyone.
So, what are you into? You like art? Ever been to an art gallery? Hey! Hello, there, little crab man.
I would shake your hand, but you're currently using them to walk, so Hi, I'm Kimmy, the new tightrope walker.
Why are you telling me? I don't know you.
I don't talk to strangers.
That guy's all bent out of shape.
What's his deal? Totally paranoid.
Always looking over his shoulder and other body parts.
Paranoid and can fit into small spaces.
Good to know.
JEFF: Are you talkin' about me? Gotta be honest.
This isn't working.
Yeah, well, next time try ordering a salad.
I told you the sardine pineapple pizza was a bad idea.
No, I mean us.
This blackmailing thing doesn't have the spontaneity it used to.
I threaten to tell K.
C.
, you take me fun places.
I threaten to tell K.
C.
, you take me fun places.
Where's the magic? Where's the spark? Oh, so it's my fault we're stuck in this rut? It takes two to tango, mister.
Tango! That would be a great change of pace.
We never go dancing.
Well, I don't see you making much of an effort.
Stop criticizing me, woman! Oh, my goodness.
I am dating a nine-year-old.
And the worst part is, this is the longest relationship I've ever had.
Please.
Child's play.
Great work, everybody! Tomorrow we perform for the crowd.
You know, if anyone actually shows up.
Guys.
Guys.
OK.
Let's review the suspects.
There's DeVille, the sad sack owner of the circus.
Definitely has a motive to steal.
(Sobbing) And to see a therapist.
Agreed, but, if he stole millions of dollars' worth of art, then why is he still in such a bad mood? We need to keep an eye on him.
OK, Judy? Judy! Yeah.
Yeah.
Watch DeVille.
Got it.
What's up with this Laszlo guy you're working with? Well, I mean, he keeps complaining about not getting paid, but the jury's still out on him.
But not his abs they're guilty of being perfect.
Any suspects other than Mr.
Good Core? I did meet this one girl.
She's the warmest, most beautiful, elegant creature I've ever seen.
What's her name? Wacky Jackie.
I really like her, and I think she likes me.
Well, then, Jackie is definitely wacky.
(Chuckles) Oh look at that.
A rose! That is so sweet.
Look, I'm sorry to break it to you, but I don't date co-workers.
"Kimmy, I know why you're really here.
"I have information that can help you.
Meet me in the storage room in five minutes.
" Did you write this? Stop licking me.
What part of "it's not happening" do you not understand, Frenchie? (Door opens) Hey! Yoo-hoo! It's me.
Kimmy.
(Chuckles) (Turns switches on and off) Came to talk.
I got your letter.
(Door shuts) (Door locked) (Growling) Oh! OK, um, you know what? Now is a great time to discuss the merits of bein' a vegetarian.
(Rattling lock) (Growling) Come on.
(Panting) You guys really don't wanna do this.
I mean, look at me.
I barely got any meat on my bones.
I would be a lot of work for a little dinner.
(Growling) Help! Help! Help! Did someone call for help? (Low growls) Yeah, this whole rushing-in- and-saving-me thing, not makin' you any less attractive.
So, McCoy is still stuck in prison and we have no idea who the actual thief is.
But you know what? I'll tell you who it isn't.
Laszlo.
If it wasn't for him Those tigers would have K.
C.
breath? Be poopin' out flannel tomorrow? I was going to say flossing pieces of me out of their teeth, but you know what? I like your's better.
Kira: Uh, Judy, can you analyze the handwriting and tell us who wrote this note? I would say this was written by someone with access to a pen.
Seriously, people, I need samples to compare it to.
I am not a machine.
OK.
I am a machine, but I do need samples to compare to.
(Sneezing) Dad, why are you wearing your glasses? I can't wear my contacts.
My eyes are on fire.
Yeah.
He's allergic to those adorable tigers but he doesn't wanna complain about it to anybody but me.
You know, Dad, with those glasses on, you kinda remind of someone.
You know, I feel bad for anybody who has to look like this all the time.
Looking good, Dad.
Ah, I know you look like someone but I cannot put my finger on it.
Uh, anyway.
Guys, let's focus, OK? Let's do what we do best.
Both: Eat dinner? No.
Complete this mission.
Like the highly qualified spies four out of five of us actually are.
Now, we need everyone's handwriting samples.
I'll get Wacky Jackie's, and if she's guilty, I'll see if she can be redeemed by the love of a good man.
You know what? I got it.
I know who you look like.
Don Cheadle.
(Laughing) Yeah.
yeah.
No.
No, no.
That's not it.
Man! This is gonna bug me all day.
Good thing I'm fire-retardant.
Judini, wait! Wait! Wait! (Sighs) Are you going to talk me out of this because it's not safe for an adult, let alone a nine-year-old? Heck no! I just didn't want to miss it! But be careful.
The Cecil B.
DeVille Circus does not have insurance.
So what happens if your fancy art collection goes up in flames? My what? Never mind.
Whoo-hoo! Yeah, baby! (Laughing) Not bad, huh? Judini, that was incredible! You're my new star headliner.
Can I get that in writing? So, Wacky Jackie Oh, don't be so formal.
Call me Wacky.
OK.
I've been thinking about our act, Wacky Jackie I mean, Wacky.
Right now, I pour seltzer down your pants, you hit me with the rubber chicken, then I cough out feathers.
But what if instead I spray you with seltzer? Oh, I love that! Ernie, you're the funniest guy I've ever met.
And I've worked with Jingles The Clown.
High praise! Oh, by the way, it's Mitzi the Dancing Poodle's birthday today, and I'm passing around a card.
Everyone's signing it.
And if you could somehow work the words "storage room" in there, that'd be great.
Hop on.
You know, I would, but I did a spinning class this morning.
Come on.
You know, I'm just I'm not really a huge fan of the whole, you know, bike-on-a-tightrope thing.
It's a little "been there, I don't want to do that.
" Don't be nervous.
Nothing can go wrong as long as the net is there.
Of course.
Hup.
OK.
(Clears throat) Oooh.
KC: Oh, oh, OK.
All right.
What ya doin'? (Nervous chuckles) Hup! All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
(KC grunts) Hop on.
Ride back to the platform? Don't mind if I do.
Hup! OK.
Oooh All right.
This is good.
You're very good (Both chuckle) for a beginner.
Beginner? Please, I have been doing this my whole life.
In fact, I came out walking on the umbilical cord.
KC: I don't know why you'd think I'm a beginner.
LASZLO: Well, considering one of your fingernails is stuck in my arm from when you were holding on to it for dear life, I'd say there's a chance you're not being completely honest.
Come on.
Tell me whats really going on.
You know you can trust me.
All right.
But, listen.
You have to swear that you won't tell anybody, or else it could be the end of my career.
I swear.
OK.
Look, there's been a string of art heists and I have been assigned to find the thief.
I'm actually an undercover insurance adjuster.
Yup.
Just as glamorous as it sounds.
An art thief? Huh.
Do you have any leads? Well, right now, I'm thinking it's the tigers, but that's probably an overly emotional, biased response to them trying to eat me! OK, I am not a secret undercover insurance adjuster like you, but you know who I think it could be? Jeff the creepy contortionist.
You know what? You may be right.
My mom always told me never trust a guy who blows his nose upside down with his feet.
Oh, wow! Your butt's a built-in coffee table! Who are you? What are you doing here? Am I being fired? Is there a fire? Where are the exits? (Chuckles) You're so silly! No.
I'm just your biggest fan.
Even though I'm only four feet tall.
But my mom says if I eat my fruits and vegetables I'll grow big and strong! Well, could you grow somewhere else? I just wanted your autograph.
I don't do autographs.
(Cries) OK, you can have my autograph! Just please stop crying.
Can you make it out to Amy? (Softly) Oh, dang.
I need more letters.
Uh, can you make it out to my full name? I am Amy Jingleheimerschmidt.
Ow! Cramp! Cramp! Hey! Work through the pain, Bendy Boy! Oh, I'm sorry.
I think I got a little froggy in my throat.
Marisa: Look, Petey, I think this is our last hurrah.
I need an actual boyfriend, and you need to be home by 8:00, so I don't see this working out.
Yeah, I'm over you, too.
It's been real.
Um, no, no, no.
You're not letting me down easy, I am letting you down easy! (Trumpet playing) (Audience cheers) (Whistle blows) (Nose honks) (Cheers, applause) (Petey screaming) Yeah! Hey, don't those circus people kinda look a little like the Coopers? I am not speaking to you.
We will enjoy the show, and then go our separate ways, as per your wishes.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am your ringmaster, Cecil B.
DeVille, welcoming you to the greatest circus in the world! Don't fact check that.
And now, for our first act, Wacky Jackie and her Big Top Clowns! (Audience cheering) (Laughter) (Clang) That weird, pathetic clown kinda reminds me of Ernie.
It is Ernie! Uh, uh, Earnie? Yeah, right.
I admit he's a clown, but he's not a professional.
I'm gonna go see what I can find out.
Uh, no, no, no, no, no.
Uh, new act is coming out.
Don't want to miss it.
KC, I just completed analyzing the writing samples, and none of them are a match.
But someone at the circus has got to be involved with the art theft.
McCoy is still in jail, and we need to help him.
What am I not seeing? Laszlo.
What about Laszlo? No.
I'm definitely seeing Laszlo.
I like what I see, OK? No.
Not OK.
We never got his writing sample.
But he's cool.
Remember? I told you, he's the one who saved me from the tigers.
Or, he's the one who tried to feed you to the tigers.
What? No! No.
Think about it.
He just so happened to have a side of raw beef when he walked by the storage room? I am sure that there is some logical explanation for why that would happen.
I mean, he was probably just cooking some dinner, heard me yelling for help, and made a split-second decision to sacrifice his uncooked filet mignon in order to Yeah, I got played.
And now, tiger lovers, The Amazing Wayne and Wanda! Or, truth be told, The Pretty Good Wayne and Wanda! Oh, who am I kidding? The "They Were Available at the Last Minute Wayne And Wanda.
" (Sneezing) We're in the middle of a show! Will you stop sneezing? Those giant cats are giving me hives! They're making me all itchy.
You want to talk itchy? Get back to me when you're wearing gold lamé drawers! Now pick up that hoop.
OK.
(Tigers growling) You know what? I just figured out who you look like.
And it definitely ain't Don Cheadle.
(Tigers growling) Oh, come on.
You can't tell me that doesn't look exactly like Mrs.
Cooper and kind of an older version of Ernie.
Oh, so now everybody looks like Ernie? (Chuckles) I don't know.
Something's going on, and trust me, I'm gonna get to the bottom of it.
But first, I'm going to get to the bottom of this! (Tigers growling) Up-up! Good girl.
Up-up! (Tigers growling) Yes.
And up-up! (Cheers, applause) (Craig sneezing) Craig, I got a crazy idea.
Crazier than us pretending to be tiger tamers? I've gotten attached to these guys.
And they don't belong at the circus in a cage.
They deserve a good home.
You'd better not be talking about our house.
We don't have room for a litter box that big! No.
We are sneaking them out of here.
I found a sanctuary that will feed them and take care of them.
For free? Can we send the kids there instead of college? Ow! Just asking! Achoo! KC: (Thinking) All right, Laszlo, there's gotta be proof that you're the art thief in here somewhere.
Ugh! Why isn't there anything here? Unless I'm wrong and you are as sweet on the inside as you are on the outside.
Hey! What are you doing in here? It's my dressing room.
What are you doing here? Oh, right.
Um, I stopped by to say goodbye.
Yeah, um, turns out nobody at this circus is part of the art theft, so the insurance company assigned me to a different case.
Yeah, something about someone got rear-ended, or somebody's rear end not turning out right.
I don't know.
Either I'll be talking to a mechanic or a plastic surgeon.
Well, toodles.
Well, wait! You can't leave yet.
It's almost time for our performance, and Laszlo needs a partner.
You've gotten so good at the routine, and we can't disappoint all those little kids.
Awright.
(Chuckles) I guess it's showtime! Oh, yes It's definitely showtime.
Hey! That poodle and I have the same haircut! Earnie.
Earnie, what are you doing? Waiting for the poodle act to finish.
I want to give Mitzi her birthday card.
Aw, how cute is that? Focus! Look, I need you sneak into Laszlo's dressing room and see if you can get any evidence tying him to the art theft.
All right, let me set a reminder.
If you could do all this before I have to get on that highwire.
Walking on a tightrope is not necessarily a walk in the park.
Relax.
There's a net.
It's not that big a deal.
Said the boy who freaks out when his peas touches his mashed potatoes.
They're not meant to touch! And now, direct your eyes to The Great Judini! (Cheers, applause) OK, I'm not crazy! That's Judy! That's Judy! (Chuckles) You are being ridiculous.
Here, have some popcorn.
Are you ready, Judini? I came out of the box ready.
Beam me up, Shorty Bop! Bon voyage, money maker! Judy: Whoo-hoo! Hey, Petey! How ya doin'? What do you say now? You still don't think that's Judy? I guess I see a passing resemblance.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, the Cecil B.
DeVille Traveling Circus is proud to present the high-wire act beyond compare, the circus star extraordinaire, the one, the only Laszlo! Wow, I'm suddenly enjoying the circus.
And my beautiful (Softly) and temporary partner, Kimmy! Kimmy, my Aunt Franny! That's KC Cooper! Marisa: I don't think so.
Petey: Oh, come on! She's your best friend! How can you not recognize your best friend? (Two-way radio beeps) Perfect timing, bro.
What's up? Ernie: I'm in Laszlo's dressing room.
You need to know two things.
First, I found the blueprints to every single art gallery that was robbed.
He's our guy.
What's the other thing? I found lip prints all over his headshot.
I think he's been making out with his own photo.
He's a weirdo! Be careful! KC: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just got to do this performance, then I'll take him down.
And now, before we begin our performance, I ask Mr.
DeVille to remove the safety nets! Remove the what now? Come on, Kimmy! Let's do this! Ya know, I would, I really would, but, uh, I just remembered I have some really important plans tonight with some friends of mine the bones in my body and I don't really want to break my plans or my bones.
Relax, it's just like we rehearsed.
One step at a time.
You trust me don't you? (Exhales) (Audience gasps) Excellent, Kimmy.
Or should I say KC! Wh-wh-what are you talking about? You don't even know what you're talking about.
You're not an insurance adjuster, You're here to bust me for those art heists.
OK, so you do know what you're talking about.
I guess the game's over.
I'm taking you in.
(Scoffs) As we say in Romania, I don't think so.
(Audience gasps) Listen, that is not a Romania thing, OK? They literally say that everywhere.
(KC grunts) (Laszlo grunts) So how did you get in the gallery that night? Tightrope from the next building? (Audience gasps) Well, it's no secret I'm an expert with ropes.
Which is how I'll be making my escape.
Mom, the Coopers are in a circus and some guy just pulled a gun on Marisa! Yes, it's true! Pick me up, Mom! Mom!!! (Spectators screaming) Relax! Relax, everybody! It's all a part of the act.
Sheesh! Am I the only one who understands showmanship? Audience: Whoa!!! There seems to be a huge mistake.
I'm not a part of this spy stuff.
I just wanted to steal a book report! Hey! You leave that poor girl alone! Poor girl? Don't you mean your best friend? What? I have never met that girl in my entire life! Yeah.
Yeah, it's true.
I have no idea who KC Coretta Scott King Cooper is, and she is definitely not my next-door neighbor.
OK, maybe we've met a few times! Don't try to follow me or you'll never see her again! KC, help me! (Audience cheers) Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
(Chuckles) Hey, look at that Laszlo, you were right.
I didn't need a net.
But you are gonna need a lawyer.
All rise for the Honorable Dudley Theopolis.
And just to be clear I am the Honorable Dudley Theopolis! Now all sit for the Honorable Dudley Theopolis.
Now stand.
Ha ha! Gotcha.
I didn't say, "for the Honorable Dudley Theopolis.
" You're all out! Ha ha! Gets 'em every time, don't it? All right, let's get down to business.
I have reviewed the new evidence provided by Agent 8433599.
Now that Laszlo, the true art thief, is behind bars, I hereby overturn the previous ruling and find the defendant Bob McCoy not guilty! Whoo! Court adjourned! I don't know how to thank you! Hey, I'm just glad that justice prevailed.
(Chuckles) Good work, Agent.
Thank you.
It was an honor, Your Honor.
You're one smart cookie.
Right back atcha.
(Chuckles) All right, now.
Woman: Rob, your name's on TV! (Boing)