Magnum, P.I. (1980) s02e14 Episode Script
Computer Date
Your job is to find out who's leaking our laser technology to the competition.
Would you look at that? I'm looking.
What are we seeing? What are you hiding from me? I have a personal problem that will interfere with my handling this case.
Somebody tried to kill me last night.
Now, you go after your spy, and I'll go after my assailant.
Good Lord! Hold on, Higgins.
It's open.
It's open! Higgins, I said it was open.
Sorry.
I didn't hear you, and I didn't want to barge in without knocking.
Why not? That's the way you usually enter.
Magnum.
I have always been a stable, well-adjusted individual.
Organized, of sound thought and behavior.
Seldom bumped off course, even on the battlefield.
But today I Today I say, did someone die? What? You're almost wearing a suit.
I should think the only occasion for which you'd do that would be a funeral.
I know it's almost a suit, Higgins.
See, my slacks are kind of dirty and Never mind, Higgins.
What were you saying about your sound mind? Yes, of course.
I'm sorry.
It's just that this, this telegram Well, it's knocked me for a loop.
What's wrong, Higgins? The Lady Ashley is coming to Hawaii.
Next week.
Lady Ashley? The one you said was built Higgins, I should think you'd be delighted.
Magnum, I'm going to be very straight with you.
The plain and simple truth is, I can't bear to see her.
I thought she was an old flame.
She was my fiancee.
My betrothed.
But it would be incredibly awkward after so many years, decades actually.
What I'm trying to say is, the last time I saw Penelope, I was considerably different looking.
Well, so was she! You're probably not the only one who got fat.
Who changed.
No.
I'm sure Penelope is as trim as the day I left her.
You know, Higgins, it is absolutely miraculous, what can be done in a week.
Miraculous? Sure.
A concentrated program of running, swimming, weights, body wraps, Marine exercises.
You know, Higgins, in one week you could be looking like like like the man you once were.
Do you really think that's possible, Magnum? Yes.
Absolutely.
Of course, you're gonna need an instructor.
I mean, if you went into an extremely rugged physical conditioning program without the proper guidance, I mean, you could Name it.
Well, let's see.
That'll be my limo.
Ta.
Magnum.
What's going on? I'm trying to decide whether I want the tennis courts for a year, or unlimited access to the wine cellar for two.
In any case, I don't want anything entering that body except pineapple juice or water till I get back.
And that goes for cigarettes, too.
And start sucking in that gut.
Poor Higgins.
The Lady Ashley, my wearing a suit, and the limo, it was all too much for the little guy.
Of course I couldn't spend time enjoying Higgins' little predicament.
I had one of my own.
Let's see.
I know that you'd all like to hear that I've caught the spy.
Well, I think I'm close.
Very close.
I've narrowed it down to someone in marketing.
That's over 200 employees! Yes, I know.
But there's only a couple of dozen who have access to the computer codes, and whoever is getting the information out, is doing it through the marketing computer.
Oh.
Uh, while we're on the subject, your entire computer coding system, is vulnerable to outside interdiction, including accounting.
Accounting? We've got no problems with accounting.
Look, your job is to find out who's leaking our laser technology to the competition.
Yes, I know, but my investigation indicates that it is technically possible for someone to enter their own program into the accounting computer and rip the company off.
I thought our codes were checked or changed periodically to avoid just that.
Well, we have a computer analyst check out the entire system once a month.
In fact, our next check is due this Wednesday.
Well, I'm just indicating that that's an area that could be a problem in the future.
We appreciate your warning.
But the bottom line is you don't have the spy, isn't that it, Mr.
Magnum? And don't worry about Kaapa.
The only way he knows how to function is with pressure.
Oh, by the way, Magnum, uh, I appreciate your trying to accommodate the board's unspoken dress code.
I don't think I've ever seen a coat and tie worn with blue jeans.
Well, sir, I don't usually operate in the corporate structure, and this is about as close as I could come.
Well, It's a great look.
I wish I could feel comfortable in something like that.
Sometimes, I think I was born in a three-piece suit.
Oh, I'll have a, uh, beer.
Bourbon and soda.
Mr.
Randolph, you seem to have something you want to say.
Yeah, Magnum, we've known each other a while, not not too well, but l I think we have a good rapport.
I feel comfortable with you.
That is, as comfortable as I can feel, talking about something like this to anyone.
It's just a real delicate problem that I need help on.
You're the only one I know.
Is it the company? I wish it was.
Thank you.
I think my wife is having an affair.
What makes you think so? Well, it's little things.
Ticket stubs to plays I didn't see.
Matchbooks to restaurants where I don't eat.
Well, that's hardly incriminating evidence, Mr.
Randolph.
I know.
It's it's more of a feeling that I have.
I've always trusted Claudia.
But I've always been a realist, too.
She's very beautiful.
And she's younger than I am.
Have you ever tried talking to her? About what? My sordid suspicions? What if I'm wrong? And l I pray that I am.
So, you want me to follow her? That is what you're trying to ask me to do, isn't it, sir? I don't know what else to do, Magnum.
I can try to overcome the feeling that I have, but if I can't, she's gonna know something is wrong.
It's gonna wear at me and her.
Maybe destroy us.
I don't like to be suspicious of my wife.
But l I have to find out.
I have to know for sure.
Please, Magnum.
Will you help me? I put in one of the longest days of my investigative career in the pursuit of Mrs.
Randolph's lover, if there was one.
And I came up empty, which was good.
I hope Mrs.
Randolph kept up her good behavior for her sake as well as mine.
I needed a rest.
In Hawaii, the tourists rarely frequent the watering spas of the local gentry and vice versa.
This hotel was strictly for moneyed tourists, which meant it was unlikely Mrs.
Randolph would run into anyone she knew, which means hell, you know what that means as well as I do.
Magnum, please.
I can't go on.
Come on, Higgins.
We already did 18.
Oh.
Okay, one more.
And 20.
Ah! That's great, Higgins.
Look, tomorrow we'll move it up to 30.
Well, that's the idea.
You do a little more each day in order to gradually build yourself up.
From 20 to 30 is gradual? We don't have a whole lot of time, Higgins.
Look at it this way.
When Penelope sees how great you look after all these years, all the pain and sweat and agony will be worth it.
I certainly hope so.
Let me ask you something personal, Higgins.
What? I was wondering, whatever happened between you and Penelope anyway? Well, shortly after we were engaged I entered the service.
One day, I received a piece of correspondence from her.
A "Dear Jonathan" letter, as it were.
It seems she wasn't inclined to wait for my military stint to end, and had taken up company with a podiatrist.
A foot doctor? Yes.
He was treating her bunions.
I was away.
One thing naturally led to another.
Well, let's get on with it.
As you pointed out, we haven't much time.
You're gonna have to carry on without me for a little while, Higgins.
I promised Charlie Doyle that I'd help him out on a case this afternoon.
Charlie Doyle? That sleazy mole who tries to pass himself off as a private investigator? Come on, Higgins, Charlie's okay.
He just gets himself in weird situations, that's all.
What's he want you to do now? Help him find a hit man? Well, actually, that might've been easier.
See, he was hired to follow this guy's wife in order to find out who her lover was.
And when he did, that lover turned out to be Charlie's best friend.
Hmm.
Well, it is a bit sticky.
One's first inclination usually is to have a talk with the friend.
But of course he can't do that.
Of course.
Why not? Oh, come now, Magnum, it's unethical.
It's a breach of client confidentiality.
Besides, it's not his place to hand out unsolicited opinions friend or no friend, don't you agree? Yeah.
That's what I told Charlie.
And what did he do? Quit? Well, what's the problem? Is it the money? No, sir, the money is fine.
As a matter of fact, I'm returning the advance you gave me.
Why can't you stay on the case? Well, I've I've got a personal problem to take care of, and the case wouldn't get my full attention.
Now, look, take care of the personal matter, and then continue on the case.
I don't think that would work.
You found out something about Claudia.
She's seeing somebody, right? Mr.
Randolph, please just hire yourself another private investigator.
You realize what you're doing to me, Magnum? I told you how difficult it was for me to hire a private investigator.
Now you tell me to look for another one.
I don't think that's very fair.
I'm really sorry, sir.
Come on, now, what are you hiding from me? Mr.
Randolph, I really do have a personal problem, that will interfere with my handling this case! All right.
All right.
I'm sorry.
L I shouldn't push you like that.
Is there anything I can do to make you change your mind? No, sir.
You know the board is going to be very disappointed, too.
Well, sir.
It seems to me it's just a matter of watching those people in marketing, who have access to the code.
Just about any private investigator can do that for you.
I don't know what to say.
I'm really sorry, Mr.
Randolph.
L I wouldn't do this to you unless it were absolutely necessary.
I know that, Thomas.
Thank you, sir.
Hey, Rick, why don't we get T.
C.
And go out for a big steak dinner? You know at that place you're always talking about? The one on the other side of the island.
They import their beef from Texas? The Stockyard.
Yeah.
No.
I can't, but you and T.
C.
Go ahead.
Don't you get off pretty soon? Yeah.
Okay.
Well, we don't have to have a steak.
Why don't we go to that place that's near your old club? You always liked that a lot.
No, I'm sorry, Thomas.
I already made other plans.
Other plans? Yeah.
You know, believe it or not, I do have a life outside of this club.
Yeah? Where you going? Out.
Alone? Thomas, you're starting to sound like my mother.
Look, you and T.
C.
Go out and have a good time.
And don't worry, I'll have the car home by midnight, Mommy.
Hi.
I ordered for you.
To us.
Claudia, what's wrong? Claudia.
Rick, I can't see you for a while.
What? This is all just happening too fast.
Listen, where I come from two weeks is not too fast.
Well, it is to me.
Come on.
Last night you were ready to sail off with me for the weekend! Rick, that was a fantasy.
Did your husband find out about us? I think he suspects.
Great! What? Don't you see, Claudia, this is our chance for us to come out in the open? Rick, what are you talking about? A divorce.
Now look, you said you don't love him anymore, that he never loved you, he just owned you.
Were those just lies, Claudia? No.
Well Yes, maybe some of them, I don't know.
Claudia.
Rick, please, just listen to me, okay? This has been wonderful.
And you've been wonderful.
But now that Jim is suspicious, it just isn't the same.
God, Rick.
I'm confused.
I'm scared.
I may still love my husband.
May love or do? I don't know.
But until I find out, I don't think we should see each other.
I'm sorry, Rick.
Claudia.
Claudia.
You finally decided to show up to work, huh? Hey! What's the matter with you? Nothing! What do you mean, nothing? Look, I said nothing, now just back off of me, will you? What is wrong with everyone? Thomas is sitting there like his mother just died.
You come driving up here like a lunatic.
And if anybody should be mad, it should be me.
Why? What happened to you now? Oh, that turkey invited me to lunch on him.
Said that he was gonna talk to me about paying up some of his old debts.
He was getting paid by this this this Randolph guy.
I drive all the way Wait a minute.
What Randolph guy? James, yeah, James Randolph.
Some rich guy he was working for, only he's not working for him anymore.
Rick.
Hey, Rick! Phooey.
Unless you're paying for this, just don't plan on finishing it.
What? You're working for James Randolph.
Oh, hell.
Ah, hell is right.
Come on, Rick, I'm not working for him anymore.
Of course not.
The case is over now that you've told him about me.
Wrong.
I quit the case, I didn't tell Randolph.
Did you get a lot of cheap thrills following us around with your little Instamatic? Got any 8 x 10s I could buy? Stop it.
Sure.
I'll stop it! This is a private club.
Unless you've got membership money, pal, I suggest you leave.
And leave now.
I knew Rick's behavior stemmed more from frustration than it did anger.
But somehow that didn't make me feel any better.
Hi there, Mr.
Magnum.
Hi.
Gate not working today? No, sir.
Your security card is out-of-date.
Out-of-date? Yes, sir.
They changed all the cards and passes.
This electronic device has been modified so that any foreign object or counterfeit card that passes over its electronic eye sets off a buzzer.
It's a good idea.
Yes, I know.
That was a suggestion I made to the board of directors.
That was your idea? Yeah.
It's a darn good one.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Aren't you gonna let me in the gate? Well, I can't, sir.
Why not? Because your security pass is out-of-date.
I just told you.
I see.
Well, where can I go to get an up-to-date security pass? Third floor.
Third floor.
Thank you.
But you're not going to let me go to the third floor because my security card is out-of-date.
I just follow the rules, sir.
Okay.
Let me ask you this.
Could you at least call Mr.
Randolph and tell him I'm here? That I can do.
Thank you.
Here you go.
Ah, Thomas, what brings you back to the company? Well, I just thought I'd stop by and see if you were taking any of my advice on security.
I'm sorry about the inconvenience, but at least we know that your suggestions have proven effective.
Let me ask you something, does everybody know I'm off this case? Not yet.
I haven't made a formal announcement to the board.
I have hired another man to finish the investigation.
Thomas Magnum, this is, uh, J.
Weston Reese, Investigating Consultant.
How do you do? Mr.
Magnum.
I read through your evaluation and I found it sound.
Very sound.
Thank you.
I hope you don't mind if I disagree with you on one point, though.
The hypothesis that our spy is in marketing.
You see, after we reevaluated your data through our computer, of course after my own personal investigation, l I think the person we're after might be in R and D.
Well, I think the person we're after drives a gray sedan and tried to kill me.
What are you talking about? Somebody tried very hard to run me over.
Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
Why would you assume that there's necessarily a correlation? Well, I may not have your nifty computer, Mr.
Reese, but I've got pretty terrific intuition.
And it tells me I was getting very close to finding our spy.
Hmm.
Perhaps.
Could it be possible that this attack on you might stem from one of your other case? I'm not on any other cases.
Thomas, uh, let me get a memo off immediately to everyone in the company, that you're no longer working for us.
Well, I appreciate that, but in the meantime, I hope you don't mind if I conduct my own investigation.
Mr.
Magnum, I've been retained to solve this security leak.
My firm doesn't take freelance partners.
You know, I'm not looking to play a duet with you, Mr.
Reese, but somebody tried to kill me.
Now, you go after your spy, and I'll go after my assailant.
But don't be surprised if it ends up to be the same person, okay? Mr.
Randolph.
Uh, Donna? Uh, get off a memo to all heads of department, that, uh, Thomas Magnum is no longer No! No! Uh, hold on, Donna.
What is it? That's counterproductive.
If our spy is truly out to get Magnum, then he's panicking.
There' s a good chance, he's gonna show his hand.
Wait a minute.
We only need a day or two.
We'll take precautions.
Mr.
Randolph, you are paying me a lot of money for my advice.
Don't you think you ought to take it? Donna, forget that memo.
Oh, hey, thanks.
Hey, man, are my eyes playing tricks on me? No, that's Higgins.
You should've seen him this morning on a surf ski.
What's wrong with him? He's on some kind of shaping up kick.
He's got an old flame coming to see him.
Hi, Rick.
How did I do? Seven minutes, right on the nose.
He runs a 7-minute mile? No.
A 7-minute beach.
Hey, Higgins, when is Mama coming in? The last time I heard from Penelope, she was in Tokio.
She'll be in Honolulu day after tomorrow.
Kind of anxious to see her, huh? Well, yes, actually.
The idea has, uh, become quite appealing to me, although I must confess, it wasn't initially.
The idea of seeing her again has, as Shakespeare put it, "Summoned up remembrances of things past.
" I remember the night before I left for France.
It was the last time I was to see Penelope.
We strolled along the Avon, as the sun, shimmering on the water, slowly slipped beyond the horizon.
Her delicate cologne mingled with the aroma of lilacs.
Nearby, a village lad was playing the concertina, a bittersweet song.
I took her in my arms and said: "I swear by Almighty God to be faithful and bear true allegiance.
" Uh, say what? The last line of the Yorkshire Regiment oath.
Brought tears to her eyes.
I say, Rick, could I have a cigarette? No.
What're you doing here? Come on, Rick.
This is a private club.
Do my ears deceive me? No, they don't.
Well, in that case, Magnum is here as my guest.
He's helping me train.
Well, uh, I got some things I need to take care of.
Knock her dead, Higgie baby.
T.
C.
, I didn't tell Randolph about Rick.
You should have told Rick about Randolph.
I couldn't.
It wasn't ethical.
Man, I don't want to hear this ethical madness.
What's this Randolph cat ever done for you compared to Rick? That's not the point! Randolph was a client! Rick was your buddy.
Sounds like Charlie Doyle's business was a little closer to home.
Magnum, from what I've just heard, you did the right thing.
I know that, Higgins.
I know that, I just don't feel that way.
Well, what's next on my training agenda? Normally, the chance to make Higgins sweat would have seemed like a lot of fun.
Today, it barely raised a smile.
Okay, Higgins, I think you've had enough for today.
Thank you.
Good Lord! Someone's shooting at us.
I am aware of that, Higgins.
I counted six.
He can only have three rounds left.
Unless, of course, he has another magazine.
It sounds like a 9mm Beretta semiautomatic.
It'll wreak havoc with the car.
Bloody rotten luck.
Hold on, Higgins.
I say, Magnum, that was rather exhilarating.
Reminds me of the time I outraced a panzer tank.
It was outside of Tobruk, and I was a halftrack at the time, had two wounded tommies, and an American GI.
We were low on petrol when this tank appeared over the rise.
How anyone so tired could talk so much was beyond me.
I ended up dropping Higgins off at the estate and sending him for a swim.
Then I got a pass into Pearl and went looking for Mac.
I needed his expertise, and for once, wouldn't have to con him out of it.
I knew he'd say yes.
No.
I haven't even asked anything yet.
Hearing the question won't change the answer.
Oh, I know, Mac, you think I came here because I need some information or I wanna use your computer.
Well, you're wrong.
That's not what I want at all.
Well, this ought to be good.
Come on, Mac, I'm on a case and I just simply need your expertise.
As a matter of fact, I'll even supply the computers.
Sure, and I suppose you'll also pay me a consulting fee, right? Absolutely.
Magnum, get out of here, will you? Come on, Mac, I'm serious.
How serious? Uh Say $20-an-hour serious.
And all you want is my expertise? And, uh, you're willing to pay for it? And it's all legal? Well, now, I won't be able to take off during the days, but, uh, I could do it either late at night or early in the morning.
Night would be just perfect, Mac.
Don't they, uh, give you a card? Mac, I'm their security consultant.
So? So I have to see how good their security is.
Ah! Here.
I'll have to recommend changing that.
Magnum, you are telling me the truth? Of course.
I mean, you wouldn't involve me in a breaking and entering Shh, Mac.
I'm taking out a pick, and putting the pick in the lock and picking our way in.
There.
Now you see why they hired me.
Their security system is just pitiful.
Now the leaks aren't coming out physically, not the way the employees are searched.
Now, I think that our spy is using a computer to relay the information to a competitor.
Now what I need you to do, is to find out which computer has a suspicious looking interface program.
Oh, sure.
But I can't do anything, Magnum, without the codes.
At least a magic wand or something.
Your magic wand.
Oh.
Now tickle those ivories, Mac.
Hey, how can you expect me to work? I'm sorry.
Would you look at that? I'm looking.
What are we seeing? The 6-digit code, somebody else is locked in.
They've got priority.
Huh? Two people can't use a computer at the same time, when somebody else is using it.
Right now? Right now.
Can you tell me where? Yeah.
Marketing? Research and development.
Hello, Mr.
Dixon.
You're working late.
Mac, I'd like you to meet our spy.
Have a chair, Mr.
Dixon.
Well, well.
You know, I've got to hand it to you.
Selling secrets and embezzling funds at the same time.
Takes guts.
Embezzling? Yeah.
I've been playing around with the accounting codes.
This morning someone transferred $2 million, to a numbered bank account in Switzerland, and didn't bother to tell accounting.
Where I come from, that's a no-no.
I didn't embezzle any money.
Now you've got to believe me! I don't believe thieves, especially when they try to kill me.
I wasn't trying to kill you.
Just scare you a little.
Well, the first time worked.
You didn't have to come back for seconds.
There was no second time.
Look, you've got me on industrial espionage, but I'm not gonna take the rap for embezzlement.
I don't even know the accounting codes.
Nobody has access to those except the people in accounting, and the company president.
Randolph has the codes? Of course, as company president he has access to all codes.
What's his home phone number? No, you won't reach him there.
He's taking the corporate jet to Japan this morning.
You suppose you could play gin without cheating? I have to talk to Mrs.
Randolph.
Fine.
Would you like to wait on the terrace? Mrs.
Randolph, uh, there is someone here to see you.
Thank you.
What are you doing here? I've got to talk to you.
Rick, this is insane! I know your husband found out about us, and you're scared.
I understand.
There is nothing to understand.
Rick, I've given it a lot of thought, it's over.
Claudia, you can't just throw everything away that we've had.
Everything that we've had? Rick, they were a few brief encounters.
They were nice.
But we weren't together for the right reason.
Since when isn't love the right reason? Rick, I don't love you.
I don't believe that, Claudia.
Look, I've got to go.
My husband's waiting for me right now at the airport.
We're flying to Japan on business.
I'll take you to the airport.
What? You got to give me a chance to convince you.
Believe me, I love you.
Rick, I do believe you.
But that doesn't mean that my feelings have to be If you can go off with him, then I'll believe everything that you're saying.
But I gotta see it for myself.
Why are you making it so hard on yourself? I should've recognized the coincidence, since any objective private investigator would've seen through the whole thing.
That's where Randolph played it so smart.
He took away my objectivity.
Worse than that, he exploited the vulnerability of a friend.
Claudia, I still just don't understand.
Rick, haven't you ever been in relationships that just didn't work? Yeah, but there's no reason for it.
There usually never is.
Claudia.
Don't worry about it.
Just tell him I'm a friend that drove you to the airport.
Anything wrong? No, darling.
Rick, this is my husband, Jim.
Rick was kind enough to give me a ride.
I appreciate that.
Wouldn't want to go flying off without my wife.
No problem.
Well, I guess we'd better be off.
Yes.
Oh, great! Can't you just stay out of my life? Get back in the car, Magnum.
You're gonna use him all the way, aren't you? Back off now! I'm not bluffing.
Oh, I think you are.
See, you're an embezzler, Mr.
Randolph, not a killer.
But if you want to shoot him, you go ahead.
Because you won't have time to get to me, and you sure as hell won't get away.
No, Jim! No! You hold her! I'll get him.
Randolph! I don't understand what happens to me.
I get wrapped up in something like that, and I lose touch.
Someone says to me, "Believe me.
" I say, "Okay.
" I'm a big sucker.
A big fat sucker.
You know, I could've gotten killed, if you hadn't have I could've got killed, period.
You were gonna let Randolph shoot me.
No, I wasn't.
Then what was all that about: "Go ahead, if you shoot Rick, you won't have time to get me"? Well, I knew he was bluffing.
How did you know? I just knew, that's all.
Believe me.
Okay.
You know, I can't believe what Higgie baby went through for this.
I bet she barks.
Come on, T.
C.
, that's an old picture.
She probably looks a lot different now.
Yeah, about 40 years uglier.
Hi, Higgins.
Now, Higgie baby, that is bad.
Thank you.
I am assuming that is a compliment.
Right on.
Higgins, you look great.
Penelope's gonna be in for a hell of a surprise, honest.
Ah, Jonathan.
Penelope.
It's been a long time.
Yes.
Yes, it has.
Oh.
Jonathan, I'd like you to meet Paolo.
My traveling companion.
We've been all around the worid.
Would you look at that? I'm looking.
What are we seeing? What are you hiding from me? I have a personal problem that will interfere with my handling this case.
Somebody tried to kill me last night.
Now, you go after your spy, and I'll go after my assailant.
Good Lord! Hold on, Higgins.
It's open.
It's open! Higgins, I said it was open.
Sorry.
I didn't hear you, and I didn't want to barge in without knocking.
Why not? That's the way you usually enter.
Magnum.
I have always been a stable, well-adjusted individual.
Organized, of sound thought and behavior.
Seldom bumped off course, even on the battlefield.
But today I Today I say, did someone die? What? You're almost wearing a suit.
I should think the only occasion for which you'd do that would be a funeral.
I know it's almost a suit, Higgins.
See, my slacks are kind of dirty and Never mind, Higgins.
What were you saying about your sound mind? Yes, of course.
I'm sorry.
It's just that this, this telegram Well, it's knocked me for a loop.
What's wrong, Higgins? The Lady Ashley is coming to Hawaii.
Next week.
Lady Ashley? The one you said was built Higgins, I should think you'd be delighted.
Magnum, I'm going to be very straight with you.
The plain and simple truth is, I can't bear to see her.
I thought she was an old flame.
She was my fiancee.
My betrothed.
But it would be incredibly awkward after so many years, decades actually.
What I'm trying to say is, the last time I saw Penelope, I was considerably different looking.
Well, so was she! You're probably not the only one who got fat.
Who changed.
No.
I'm sure Penelope is as trim as the day I left her.
You know, Higgins, it is absolutely miraculous, what can be done in a week.
Miraculous? Sure.
A concentrated program of running, swimming, weights, body wraps, Marine exercises.
You know, Higgins, in one week you could be looking like like like the man you once were.
Do you really think that's possible, Magnum? Yes.
Absolutely.
Of course, you're gonna need an instructor.
I mean, if you went into an extremely rugged physical conditioning program without the proper guidance, I mean, you could Name it.
Well, let's see.
That'll be my limo.
Ta.
Magnum.
What's going on? I'm trying to decide whether I want the tennis courts for a year, or unlimited access to the wine cellar for two.
In any case, I don't want anything entering that body except pineapple juice or water till I get back.
And that goes for cigarettes, too.
And start sucking in that gut.
Poor Higgins.
The Lady Ashley, my wearing a suit, and the limo, it was all too much for the little guy.
Of course I couldn't spend time enjoying Higgins' little predicament.
I had one of my own.
Let's see.
I know that you'd all like to hear that I've caught the spy.
Well, I think I'm close.
Very close.
I've narrowed it down to someone in marketing.
That's over 200 employees! Yes, I know.
But there's only a couple of dozen who have access to the computer codes, and whoever is getting the information out, is doing it through the marketing computer.
Oh.
Uh, while we're on the subject, your entire computer coding system, is vulnerable to outside interdiction, including accounting.
Accounting? We've got no problems with accounting.
Look, your job is to find out who's leaking our laser technology to the competition.
Yes, I know, but my investigation indicates that it is technically possible for someone to enter their own program into the accounting computer and rip the company off.
I thought our codes were checked or changed periodically to avoid just that.
Well, we have a computer analyst check out the entire system once a month.
In fact, our next check is due this Wednesday.
Well, I'm just indicating that that's an area that could be a problem in the future.
We appreciate your warning.
But the bottom line is you don't have the spy, isn't that it, Mr.
Magnum? And don't worry about Kaapa.
The only way he knows how to function is with pressure.
Oh, by the way, Magnum, uh, I appreciate your trying to accommodate the board's unspoken dress code.
I don't think I've ever seen a coat and tie worn with blue jeans.
Well, sir, I don't usually operate in the corporate structure, and this is about as close as I could come.
Well, It's a great look.
I wish I could feel comfortable in something like that.
Sometimes, I think I was born in a three-piece suit.
Oh, I'll have a, uh, beer.
Bourbon and soda.
Mr.
Randolph, you seem to have something you want to say.
Yeah, Magnum, we've known each other a while, not not too well, but l I think we have a good rapport.
I feel comfortable with you.
That is, as comfortable as I can feel, talking about something like this to anyone.
It's just a real delicate problem that I need help on.
You're the only one I know.
Is it the company? I wish it was.
Thank you.
I think my wife is having an affair.
What makes you think so? Well, it's little things.
Ticket stubs to plays I didn't see.
Matchbooks to restaurants where I don't eat.
Well, that's hardly incriminating evidence, Mr.
Randolph.
I know.
It's it's more of a feeling that I have.
I've always trusted Claudia.
But I've always been a realist, too.
She's very beautiful.
And she's younger than I am.
Have you ever tried talking to her? About what? My sordid suspicions? What if I'm wrong? And l I pray that I am.
So, you want me to follow her? That is what you're trying to ask me to do, isn't it, sir? I don't know what else to do, Magnum.
I can try to overcome the feeling that I have, but if I can't, she's gonna know something is wrong.
It's gonna wear at me and her.
Maybe destroy us.
I don't like to be suspicious of my wife.
But l I have to find out.
I have to know for sure.
Please, Magnum.
Will you help me? I put in one of the longest days of my investigative career in the pursuit of Mrs.
Randolph's lover, if there was one.
And I came up empty, which was good.
I hope Mrs.
Randolph kept up her good behavior for her sake as well as mine.
I needed a rest.
In Hawaii, the tourists rarely frequent the watering spas of the local gentry and vice versa.
This hotel was strictly for moneyed tourists, which meant it was unlikely Mrs.
Randolph would run into anyone she knew, which means hell, you know what that means as well as I do.
Magnum, please.
I can't go on.
Come on, Higgins.
We already did 18.
Oh.
Okay, one more.
And 20.
Ah! That's great, Higgins.
Look, tomorrow we'll move it up to 30.
Well, that's the idea.
You do a little more each day in order to gradually build yourself up.
From 20 to 30 is gradual? We don't have a whole lot of time, Higgins.
Look at it this way.
When Penelope sees how great you look after all these years, all the pain and sweat and agony will be worth it.
I certainly hope so.
Let me ask you something personal, Higgins.
What? I was wondering, whatever happened between you and Penelope anyway? Well, shortly after we were engaged I entered the service.
One day, I received a piece of correspondence from her.
A "Dear Jonathan" letter, as it were.
It seems she wasn't inclined to wait for my military stint to end, and had taken up company with a podiatrist.
A foot doctor? Yes.
He was treating her bunions.
I was away.
One thing naturally led to another.
Well, let's get on with it.
As you pointed out, we haven't much time.
You're gonna have to carry on without me for a little while, Higgins.
I promised Charlie Doyle that I'd help him out on a case this afternoon.
Charlie Doyle? That sleazy mole who tries to pass himself off as a private investigator? Come on, Higgins, Charlie's okay.
He just gets himself in weird situations, that's all.
What's he want you to do now? Help him find a hit man? Well, actually, that might've been easier.
See, he was hired to follow this guy's wife in order to find out who her lover was.
And when he did, that lover turned out to be Charlie's best friend.
Hmm.
Well, it is a bit sticky.
One's first inclination usually is to have a talk with the friend.
But of course he can't do that.
Of course.
Why not? Oh, come now, Magnum, it's unethical.
It's a breach of client confidentiality.
Besides, it's not his place to hand out unsolicited opinions friend or no friend, don't you agree? Yeah.
That's what I told Charlie.
And what did he do? Quit? Well, what's the problem? Is it the money? No, sir, the money is fine.
As a matter of fact, I'm returning the advance you gave me.
Why can't you stay on the case? Well, I've I've got a personal problem to take care of, and the case wouldn't get my full attention.
Now, look, take care of the personal matter, and then continue on the case.
I don't think that would work.
You found out something about Claudia.
She's seeing somebody, right? Mr.
Randolph, please just hire yourself another private investigator.
You realize what you're doing to me, Magnum? I told you how difficult it was for me to hire a private investigator.
Now you tell me to look for another one.
I don't think that's very fair.
I'm really sorry, sir.
Come on, now, what are you hiding from me? Mr.
Randolph, I really do have a personal problem, that will interfere with my handling this case! All right.
All right.
I'm sorry.
L I shouldn't push you like that.
Is there anything I can do to make you change your mind? No, sir.
You know the board is going to be very disappointed, too.
Well, sir.
It seems to me it's just a matter of watching those people in marketing, who have access to the code.
Just about any private investigator can do that for you.
I don't know what to say.
I'm really sorry, Mr.
Randolph.
L I wouldn't do this to you unless it were absolutely necessary.
I know that, Thomas.
Thank you, sir.
Hey, Rick, why don't we get T.
C.
And go out for a big steak dinner? You know at that place you're always talking about? The one on the other side of the island.
They import their beef from Texas? The Stockyard.
Yeah.
No.
I can't, but you and T.
C.
Go ahead.
Don't you get off pretty soon? Yeah.
Okay.
Well, we don't have to have a steak.
Why don't we go to that place that's near your old club? You always liked that a lot.
No, I'm sorry, Thomas.
I already made other plans.
Other plans? Yeah.
You know, believe it or not, I do have a life outside of this club.
Yeah? Where you going? Out.
Alone? Thomas, you're starting to sound like my mother.
Look, you and T.
C.
Go out and have a good time.
And don't worry, I'll have the car home by midnight, Mommy.
Hi.
I ordered for you.
To us.
Claudia, what's wrong? Claudia.
Rick, I can't see you for a while.
What? This is all just happening too fast.
Listen, where I come from two weeks is not too fast.
Well, it is to me.
Come on.
Last night you were ready to sail off with me for the weekend! Rick, that was a fantasy.
Did your husband find out about us? I think he suspects.
Great! What? Don't you see, Claudia, this is our chance for us to come out in the open? Rick, what are you talking about? A divorce.
Now look, you said you don't love him anymore, that he never loved you, he just owned you.
Were those just lies, Claudia? No.
Well Yes, maybe some of them, I don't know.
Claudia.
Rick, please, just listen to me, okay? This has been wonderful.
And you've been wonderful.
But now that Jim is suspicious, it just isn't the same.
God, Rick.
I'm confused.
I'm scared.
I may still love my husband.
May love or do? I don't know.
But until I find out, I don't think we should see each other.
I'm sorry, Rick.
Claudia.
Claudia.
You finally decided to show up to work, huh? Hey! What's the matter with you? Nothing! What do you mean, nothing? Look, I said nothing, now just back off of me, will you? What is wrong with everyone? Thomas is sitting there like his mother just died.
You come driving up here like a lunatic.
And if anybody should be mad, it should be me.
Why? What happened to you now? Oh, that turkey invited me to lunch on him.
Said that he was gonna talk to me about paying up some of his old debts.
He was getting paid by this this this Randolph guy.
I drive all the way Wait a minute.
What Randolph guy? James, yeah, James Randolph.
Some rich guy he was working for, only he's not working for him anymore.
Rick.
Hey, Rick! Phooey.
Unless you're paying for this, just don't plan on finishing it.
What? You're working for James Randolph.
Oh, hell.
Ah, hell is right.
Come on, Rick, I'm not working for him anymore.
Of course not.
The case is over now that you've told him about me.
Wrong.
I quit the case, I didn't tell Randolph.
Did you get a lot of cheap thrills following us around with your little Instamatic? Got any 8 x 10s I could buy? Stop it.
Sure.
I'll stop it! This is a private club.
Unless you've got membership money, pal, I suggest you leave.
And leave now.
I knew Rick's behavior stemmed more from frustration than it did anger.
But somehow that didn't make me feel any better.
Hi there, Mr.
Magnum.
Hi.
Gate not working today? No, sir.
Your security card is out-of-date.
Out-of-date? Yes, sir.
They changed all the cards and passes.
This electronic device has been modified so that any foreign object or counterfeit card that passes over its electronic eye sets off a buzzer.
It's a good idea.
Yes, I know.
That was a suggestion I made to the board of directors.
That was your idea? Yeah.
It's a darn good one.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Aren't you gonna let me in the gate? Well, I can't, sir.
Why not? Because your security pass is out-of-date.
I just told you.
I see.
Well, where can I go to get an up-to-date security pass? Third floor.
Third floor.
Thank you.
But you're not going to let me go to the third floor because my security card is out-of-date.
I just follow the rules, sir.
Okay.
Let me ask you this.
Could you at least call Mr.
Randolph and tell him I'm here? That I can do.
Thank you.
Here you go.
Ah, Thomas, what brings you back to the company? Well, I just thought I'd stop by and see if you were taking any of my advice on security.
I'm sorry about the inconvenience, but at least we know that your suggestions have proven effective.
Let me ask you something, does everybody know I'm off this case? Not yet.
I haven't made a formal announcement to the board.
I have hired another man to finish the investigation.
Thomas Magnum, this is, uh, J.
Weston Reese, Investigating Consultant.
How do you do? Mr.
Magnum.
I read through your evaluation and I found it sound.
Very sound.
Thank you.
I hope you don't mind if I disagree with you on one point, though.
The hypothesis that our spy is in marketing.
You see, after we reevaluated your data through our computer, of course after my own personal investigation, l I think the person we're after might be in R and D.
Well, I think the person we're after drives a gray sedan and tried to kill me.
What are you talking about? Somebody tried very hard to run me over.
Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
Why would you assume that there's necessarily a correlation? Well, I may not have your nifty computer, Mr.
Reese, but I've got pretty terrific intuition.
And it tells me I was getting very close to finding our spy.
Hmm.
Perhaps.
Could it be possible that this attack on you might stem from one of your other case? I'm not on any other cases.
Thomas, uh, let me get a memo off immediately to everyone in the company, that you're no longer working for us.
Well, I appreciate that, but in the meantime, I hope you don't mind if I conduct my own investigation.
Mr.
Magnum, I've been retained to solve this security leak.
My firm doesn't take freelance partners.
You know, I'm not looking to play a duet with you, Mr.
Reese, but somebody tried to kill me.
Now, you go after your spy, and I'll go after my assailant.
But don't be surprised if it ends up to be the same person, okay? Mr.
Randolph.
Uh, Donna? Uh, get off a memo to all heads of department, that, uh, Thomas Magnum is no longer No! No! Uh, hold on, Donna.
What is it? That's counterproductive.
If our spy is truly out to get Magnum, then he's panicking.
There' s a good chance, he's gonna show his hand.
Wait a minute.
We only need a day or two.
We'll take precautions.
Mr.
Randolph, you are paying me a lot of money for my advice.
Don't you think you ought to take it? Donna, forget that memo.
Oh, hey, thanks.
Hey, man, are my eyes playing tricks on me? No, that's Higgins.
You should've seen him this morning on a surf ski.
What's wrong with him? He's on some kind of shaping up kick.
He's got an old flame coming to see him.
Hi, Rick.
How did I do? Seven minutes, right on the nose.
He runs a 7-minute mile? No.
A 7-minute beach.
Hey, Higgins, when is Mama coming in? The last time I heard from Penelope, she was in Tokio.
She'll be in Honolulu day after tomorrow.
Kind of anxious to see her, huh? Well, yes, actually.
The idea has, uh, become quite appealing to me, although I must confess, it wasn't initially.
The idea of seeing her again has, as Shakespeare put it, "Summoned up remembrances of things past.
" I remember the night before I left for France.
It was the last time I was to see Penelope.
We strolled along the Avon, as the sun, shimmering on the water, slowly slipped beyond the horizon.
Her delicate cologne mingled with the aroma of lilacs.
Nearby, a village lad was playing the concertina, a bittersweet song.
I took her in my arms and said: "I swear by Almighty God to be faithful and bear true allegiance.
" Uh, say what? The last line of the Yorkshire Regiment oath.
Brought tears to her eyes.
I say, Rick, could I have a cigarette? No.
What're you doing here? Come on, Rick.
This is a private club.
Do my ears deceive me? No, they don't.
Well, in that case, Magnum is here as my guest.
He's helping me train.
Well, uh, I got some things I need to take care of.
Knock her dead, Higgie baby.
T.
C.
, I didn't tell Randolph about Rick.
You should have told Rick about Randolph.
I couldn't.
It wasn't ethical.
Man, I don't want to hear this ethical madness.
What's this Randolph cat ever done for you compared to Rick? That's not the point! Randolph was a client! Rick was your buddy.
Sounds like Charlie Doyle's business was a little closer to home.
Magnum, from what I've just heard, you did the right thing.
I know that, Higgins.
I know that, I just don't feel that way.
Well, what's next on my training agenda? Normally, the chance to make Higgins sweat would have seemed like a lot of fun.
Today, it barely raised a smile.
Okay, Higgins, I think you've had enough for today.
Thank you.
Good Lord! Someone's shooting at us.
I am aware of that, Higgins.
I counted six.
He can only have three rounds left.
Unless, of course, he has another magazine.
It sounds like a 9mm Beretta semiautomatic.
It'll wreak havoc with the car.
Bloody rotten luck.
Hold on, Higgins.
I say, Magnum, that was rather exhilarating.
Reminds me of the time I outraced a panzer tank.
It was outside of Tobruk, and I was a halftrack at the time, had two wounded tommies, and an American GI.
We were low on petrol when this tank appeared over the rise.
How anyone so tired could talk so much was beyond me.
I ended up dropping Higgins off at the estate and sending him for a swim.
Then I got a pass into Pearl and went looking for Mac.
I needed his expertise, and for once, wouldn't have to con him out of it.
I knew he'd say yes.
No.
I haven't even asked anything yet.
Hearing the question won't change the answer.
Oh, I know, Mac, you think I came here because I need some information or I wanna use your computer.
Well, you're wrong.
That's not what I want at all.
Well, this ought to be good.
Come on, Mac, I'm on a case and I just simply need your expertise.
As a matter of fact, I'll even supply the computers.
Sure, and I suppose you'll also pay me a consulting fee, right? Absolutely.
Magnum, get out of here, will you? Come on, Mac, I'm serious.
How serious? Uh Say $20-an-hour serious.
And all you want is my expertise? And, uh, you're willing to pay for it? And it's all legal? Well, now, I won't be able to take off during the days, but, uh, I could do it either late at night or early in the morning.
Night would be just perfect, Mac.
Don't they, uh, give you a card? Mac, I'm their security consultant.
So? So I have to see how good their security is.
Ah! Here.
I'll have to recommend changing that.
Magnum, you are telling me the truth? Of course.
I mean, you wouldn't involve me in a breaking and entering Shh, Mac.
I'm taking out a pick, and putting the pick in the lock and picking our way in.
There.
Now you see why they hired me.
Their security system is just pitiful.
Now the leaks aren't coming out physically, not the way the employees are searched.
Now, I think that our spy is using a computer to relay the information to a competitor.
Now what I need you to do, is to find out which computer has a suspicious looking interface program.
Oh, sure.
But I can't do anything, Magnum, without the codes.
At least a magic wand or something.
Your magic wand.
Oh.
Now tickle those ivories, Mac.
Hey, how can you expect me to work? I'm sorry.
Would you look at that? I'm looking.
What are we seeing? The 6-digit code, somebody else is locked in.
They've got priority.
Huh? Two people can't use a computer at the same time, when somebody else is using it.
Right now? Right now.
Can you tell me where? Yeah.
Marketing? Research and development.
Hello, Mr.
Dixon.
You're working late.
Mac, I'd like you to meet our spy.
Have a chair, Mr.
Dixon.
Well, well.
You know, I've got to hand it to you.
Selling secrets and embezzling funds at the same time.
Takes guts.
Embezzling? Yeah.
I've been playing around with the accounting codes.
This morning someone transferred $2 million, to a numbered bank account in Switzerland, and didn't bother to tell accounting.
Where I come from, that's a no-no.
I didn't embezzle any money.
Now you've got to believe me! I don't believe thieves, especially when they try to kill me.
I wasn't trying to kill you.
Just scare you a little.
Well, the first time worked.
You didn't have to come back for seconds.
There was no second time.
Look, you've got me on industrial espionage, but I'm not gonna take the rap for embezzlement.
I don't even know the accounting codes.
Nobody has access to those except the people in accounting, and the company president.
Randolph has the codes? Of course, as company president he has access to all codes.
What's his home phone number? No, you won't reach him there.
He's taking the corporate jet to Japan this morning.
You suppose you could play gin without cheating? I have to talk to Mrs.
Randolph.
Fine.
Would you like to wait on the terrace? Mrs.
Randolph, uh, there is someone here to see you.
Thank you.
What are you doing here? I've got to talk to you.
Rick, this is insane! I know your husband found out about us, and you're scared.
I understand.
There is nothing to understand.
Rick, I've given it a lot of thought, it's over.
Claudia, you can't just throw everything away that we've had.
Everything that we've had? Rick, they were a few brief encounters.
They were nice.
But we weren't together for the right reason.
Since when isn't love the right reason? Rick, I don't love you.
I don't believe that, Claudia.
Look, I've got to go.
My husband's waiting for me right now at the airport.
We're flying to Japan on business.
I'll take you to the airport.
What? You got to give me a chance to convince you.
Believe me, I love you.
Rick, I do believe you.
But that doesn't mean that my feelings have to be If you can go off with him, then I'll believe everything that you're saying.
But I gotta see it for myself.
Why are you making it so hard on yourself? I should've recognized the coincidence, since any objective private investigator would've seen through the whole thing.
That's where Randolph played it so smart.
He took away my objectivity.
Worse than that, he exploited the vulnerability of a friend.
Claudia, I still just don't understand.
Rick, haven't you ever been in relationships that just didn't work? Yeah, but there's no reason for it.
There usually never is.
Claudia.
Don't worry about it.
Just tell him I'm a friend that drove you to the airport.
Anything wrong? No, darling.
Rick, this is my husband, Jim.
Rick was kind enough to give me a ride.
I appreciate that.
Wouldn't want to go flying off without my wife.
No problem.
Well, I guess we'd better be off.
Yes.
Oh, great! Can't you just stay out of my life? Get back in the car, Magnum.
You're gonna use him all the way, aren't you? Back off now! I'm not bluffing.
Oh, I think you are.
See, you're an embezzler, Mr.
Randolph, not a killer.
But if you want to shoot him, you go ahead.
Because you won't have time to get to me, and you sure as hell won't get away.
No, Jim! No! You hold her! I'll get him.
Randolph! I don't understand what happens to me.
I get wrapped up in something like that, and I lose touch.
Someone says to me, "Believe me.
" I say, "Okay.
" I'm a big sucker.
A big fat sucker.
You know, I could've gotten killed, if you hadn't have I could've got killed, period.
You were gonna let Randolph shoot me.
No, I wasn't.
Then what was all that about: "Go ahead, if you shoot Rick, you won't have time to get me"? Well, I knew he was bluffing.
How did you know? I just knew, that's all.
Believe me.
Okay.
You know, I can't believe what Higgie baby went through for this.
I bet she barks.
Come on, T.
C.
, that's an old picture.
She probably looks a lot different now.
Yeah, about 40 years uglier.
Hi, Higgins.
Now, Higgie baby, that is bad.
Thank you.
I am assuming that is a compliment.
Right on.
Higgins, you look great.
Penelope's gonna be in for a hell of a surprise, honest.
Ah, Jonathan.
Penelope.
It's been a long time.
Yes.
Yes, it has.
Oh.
Jonathan, I'd like you to meet Paolo.
My traveling companion.
We've been all around the worid.