Metalocalypse (2006) s02e14 Episode Script

Welcome, all of you to the initiation of the Klokateers.
These following weeks will be.
the most difficult weeks of your lives.
Some of you will be maimed, most of you killed.
For those of you who survive you'll go on to obtain the sacred branding of the gear.
But until then, you're all, uh, worthless scum.
So, um, roll the, uh, video.
Hey, folks, it's me Facebones! Now we've gotten through all the boring stuff let's have some fun! Now let's pair up into groups of two people.
and fight to the death with your bare fists.
Uh, sorry I'm late.
I was addressing the new Klokateers Potential Hey.
Hey.
Hey! Yes.
Give me $50,000.
Well, uh, what do you need it for? For ing Doritos! What difference does it make? Well, you've, uh been given your $100,000 allowance for the week So what? Give me my ing money, man! Cough it up.
Aw man that! Why can't I have my ing money? All of you are wasting money.
by not having finished this record.
That's a big deal, guys.
You're doing anything but recording.
So what by sitting here, we're wasting money? Yes.
We should be saving money by not doing anything not wasting it.
Are you sure you know what you're talking about? Yes, I do know what I'm talking about.
You are killing your own business.
You're boring me to death with business! God! Well, this isn't boring to me, guys, all right? I want you all to listen up.
This is important stuff, all right? If you continue to not record, your money your money will continue to dwindle.
How do you know that? How do I know? Because it's my job to know.
I work with money.
It's my job.
How long have you known that our money is dwindling? I mean, you it sounds like you're keeping stuff from us.
Yeah, he's keepings it froms us.
It's very suspicious.
No, I'm not.
I'm telling you about it right now that's what I'm doing.
Yeah, but how long have you known about the stuff.
that we don't know about.
that you're starting to tell us about? Look, I try to keep you guys in the loop with the business.
side many times, but But what? But you guys have a very short attention span.
No, we're not! Oh, you're not w what does that that's not even a response to what I was saying! No, we're not! It was not at all! You're not what? He gots to admits it! He's on the ropes! We're arguing two different things.
Well, we're not.
Alright, fine, everyone.
I'm going to attempt again right now, to explain all of the Dethklok business the budgets, the timelines, the Just one second.
Nathan? Yes.
Hold on.
Just gonna text a joke real quick.
Do you guys want to know about your business or not? Of course! We're not incapable of understanding things! Who who are you texting? Guys, seriously I'm not going to waste my time if you don't Oh, come ons.
Tells us to us that crap that you was gonna says.
about that borings craps, because we, uh we wants to know That.
Oh! Knocks, knocks.
Who ams There? Who ams there? Nathan.
Guys.
Nathan's there.
Nathans who? You're all clearly not paying attention.
Oh, look! Knocks, knocks! Who's am theres? Nathans.
Nathans who's? Nathans Explosion! That was I didn't even knows Toki.
Toki.
I was lookings at you and didn't knows it was you! Toki, that was me who texted that.
TOKl: I know! Oh, man, that's classic! Oh, man! That's good man! That was me who texted that to you.
How did you keep a straight I had to bite my tongue for a while 'cause I was about to laugh.
It's good.
Nathan: But that was me.
Toki Toki, that was me who texted you.
I don't know, guys.
Man, that seems like we should be in the loop, you know? And he knows, man he knows we have short attention spans.
He should be able to cut through our bull.
And tell us anyway, right? Right.
Do you notice how ing hard it is getting money Like spending money From him? Yeah.
No.
I tried that.
Like, I was gonna go and get some socks Socks so I said, you know, "give me $10,000.
" What happened? He said he said I didn't need $10,000 for socks.
Oh, man! What did you do? I looked at him for a really long time.
I just looked at him and then I slammed the door real hard.
Yeah, that's 'cause he knows the facts ands the figures.
See, he owns us! He's so borings that when he explains stuff we just tunes out and falls asleep.
It's like he tries to put us to sleep.
so we won't figure out the business.
He knows exactly what he's doing! It's a very deadly weapon to know what you're doing.
We need our own extra manager.
that can teach us about business so we can learn.
about it so we don't feel so stupid all the time.
One that lets us ing do what we want, too.
Yeah, someones who's what's real cool who gives us money withs no questions asked.
Doesn't scrutinminize nothin'.
Yeah! Someone on our side! Yeah.
Who do we got? # Do anything for Dethklok # # Do anything for Dethklok # # Do anything for Dethklok # # Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok! # His name is Melmort Fjordslord and now he's working for Dethklok.
The very act of hiring another managerial figure.
could set off an internal fire that could manifest itself.
by stepping on toes.
A new managerial member could easily redirect.
their power in any way that he sees fit.
This is Melmort.
He's gonna be helping us with the business so we can learn the business.
How do you do? Look, the, uh, health inspector's here.
to survey the Klokateers' quarters.
You may as well join him.
And, uh, you, Melmort, show them how to fill out a status report.
of what we need fixed down there.
All right, listen up! First things first! The conditions down here are repugnant! It's infested with rats, molds and some strain of flesh-eating virus.
Pretty metal.
Pretty metal.
Oh, is it? Your staff is dying down here.
Is that metal? I hate to say it, but yeah.
Yeah, not to be contradictory, but it's very metal.
Is it metal to have your drains clogged with dead rotting employees? Yeah.
It is, actually.
Metal.
Is it metal to have easily avoidable work-related accidents.
the cause of death? Yeah.
Again, metal.
Is it metal for none of you to care at all? Yeah, it's way more metal if we don't care about it.
Well I guess I, uh, didn't know all that stuff was metal.
Anyway, follow me.
Hey, let him keep going.
That's it.
Mmm.
Is that a joint? You want to hit that? I would if I wasn't already hitting it.
A bad mother.
Oh, how bad I am.
I just don't care.
Listen, you guys want to know how businesses run, right? Well, I'll tell you.
Here's the secret to business.
It's all bull.
Oh.
As long as I'm here, man, you guys can do whatever.
the it is you want to do.
Hey, guys.
Thanks for meeting me here.
Oh, what's up, pal? It's the cool guy! Yeah, what's going on, bro? Nothing much, my man, nothing much.
I just wanted to get a gauge on how you're feeling about this.
I mean, you know us all working together.
Because guys, I think it's going great.
Whoa, man.
I mean, dude, you let us do whatever we want.
Yeah, you also have long hair and stuff and, man, you drink with us.
Dude, I mean I'm glad you said that, because I was thinking that since we work so good together that maybe we could make this a real thing.
And, you know it can get confusing with two guys in charge.
Maybe it should just be me.
What about that? What if we got rid of the other guy and it was just me running it? But it's all up to you at the end of the day.
I mean, it's your band.
That's something Ofdensen.
probably doesn't want you to know.
Well, I guess I didn't realize that.
He doesn't want us to know that.
That's some food for thought.
Just sayin'.
Let's ing party.
Well, I votes for Melmort.
He should be our boss.
Yeah, and he can hangs out.
and likes gettings drunk with us.
And he's funny, man! He does great impressions of Ofdensen! Wait.
Hold on.
Hold on.
I'm getting a text.
"Knock, knock.
Who ams there? Toki.
Toki who? Toki Wartooth.
Toki Wartooth " where do I know that? I was stares right at you! Who texted me this? Wait.
Which one of you guys texted this? Wait, wait, wait.
Who texted me? It was you, Toki! It was me the wholes time! I knews you was going to do that! My cheeks hurt from cracking up! He told me he was going to does that to you.
You're the one that texted me that? Oh, that's good.
Oh, that's good.
Oh, that's funny.
That's pretty funny.
I can'ts breathe! I can'ts breathe! I can'ts breathe! That's pretty funny.
Oh, man.
Hey, I see you fence.
Yes, I, uh, fenced in college.
Cigar? Brandy? Just wanted to have a little chat, see how things are going.
Getting along with the boys, are you? They seem to like you.
That's good.
I like it when they're happy.
I've grown quite accustomed to working with Dethklok, and, uh you'd probably have to kill me to get them away from me.
This is good brandy.
This is really good.
Really good brandy.
Prepare for the branding of the gear.
# You're here because you're one of us # # You are the strength # # We are soldiers # # You've journeyed far # # You've battled hard # # And now you will receive your permanent reward # # You've conquered pain # # You've conquered fear # # Stand proud and salute the bloodied flag here # # You pledged your death and your last breath # # You are the gears # # You are the gears #