Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja (2012) s02e14 Episode Script

1 Go ninja! [title music.]
I was chosen to protect my school from the forces of evil.
I am the ninja.
I am Randy Cunningham.
Smoke bomb! - Hiyah! Hiyah! - Cunningham, let's talk winter-wear.
Sure thing.
What's up, pal? - Uh, your outfit is up.
- OK.
- Black jacket? Red scarf? - I kill it in black and red.
Has it not occurred to you that you look - exactly like the Ninja?! - Not exactly.
The mask's inside out.
- Nobody's gonna know! - Somebody's gonna put it together.
What someone? There's no someone.
No one thinks I'm the Ninja.
[grunting.]
Snowbomb! [groans.]
Mm-hm.
- Hm.
- I'm just saying, you're getting sloppy.
[groans.]
The whole point of a secret identity is it's a secret! And I'm just saying it's Winter, it's cold and the mask keeps my beak toasty.
- Stop worrying.
- Hey, Randy, can I talk to you for a sec? Don't go in there! Debbie Kang's got that "scoop" look in her eye! Please, Uncle Randal can handle the scandal.
Also, there's no scandal.
Gotta go.
Hm.
Hm.
[gasps.]
Hm.
[door creaks closed.]
[gasps.]
- S'up, Debbie Kang? - Oh, nothing.
Just I figured out who the Ninja is! [gasps, then stammers.]
- Stevens? - [laughs.]
Oops.
Ha! You think I'm the Ninja? I don't know what they're serving in the cafeteria, but ladle me a bowl.
I know, "Randy Cunningham, 9th Grade Ninja"? It sounds ridiculous.
But I connected the strings.
Debbie! This is crazy! I'm not the Ninja! - Who you gonna believe, my mouth or that string? - Both.
I'm the Ninja! I'm the Ninja! I'm the Ninja! [stammering.]
Funny thing is, I was about to eliminate you, and then you gave me the final piece of evidence.
Care to comment? [nervous laugh.]
Me? Not the Ninja.
Ninja's 800-years-old.
Me, I'm much younger! I'm younger.
We both know you're the Ninja.
And I'm gonna break the story wide open at 3:00 on Heidi's Me-Cast! - Debbie! No! Wait! - This story's getting me into Flackville Community J-School for sure! I'm sorry, Debbie.
You leave me no choice.
[gasps.]
Were you gonna hit me with that thing? What? No! I was gonna do this.
[mutters.]
- Howard! I need your help! - Cunningham, I'm trying to learn! [laughs.]
Just kiddin'.
Let's bounce.
Told ya this was gonna happen.
You didn't tell me this was gonna happen! Oh, yeah I guess you're right.
I'm sorry.
You know, in my defense I didn't know you could be this epically shoobtastic! OK.
I'll just ball up this string delete the video and boom! Scandal handled! Yeah, good job.
Oh, except for the part where you shloomped her to the one place that proves you're the Ninja! I panicked! What am I gonna do?! I know! I'll leave her in the Nomicon till graduation! Well done, Randy! Mm-hm! [groans.]
Fine! OK, I'll be right back! Guard our bodies.
Don't do anything weird.
[mutters.]
Ooh, wonder what they'd look like holding sandwiches? Wonder what I'd look like holding sandwiches.
Why don't I have my camera?! [shouting.]
Because you're not really here.
Well, your mind is.
Your body's on the Journalism floor.
Is this some sorta 800-year-old book of Ninja wisdom?! What? No! No, this is! Gah! You're good at this! Debbie, this is all supposed to be a secret! You can't tell anyone! [both grunt.]
I'm a journalist, Randy.
I can't not tell anyone.
- [all.]
You! - Me?! What did I do? I mean, I know what I did, but I didn't mean to do it.
[groans.]
Ah! So, uh, how do I get outta here? [gasps.]
Cunningham! [gasps.]
You gank my proof, I gank yours.
Let's see, Cunningham'll hold the Meatball Parm and Debbie Kang'll hold the phone! Where's Debbie Kang?! [Heidi.]
H-Dubz here with the Me-sclusive! At three double donuts, Scoops Kang is gonna unmask the masked one! That's in ten donuts! I gotta stop her! "Unmask the masked one.
" Ooh! I think she's talking about the Ninja! - You're a born code-breaker, sir.
- It's all that Sudoku.
Whip me up something to destroy whoever gets unmasked! And hurry up! We're burning donuts here! [stammering.]
You are guilty of conduct unbecoming a Ninja.
- Turn in your mask! - [gasps.]
Ultimate Lesson? Oh, they're gonna mind-wipe me! Ahh, I don't wanna be mind-wiped! I'm not ready to stop being the Ninja! [grunts.]
[grunts.]
[wind howling.]
Hm? [crickets chirring.]
Hm? Ah Ah! I can fix this! I'll fix this! [gasps.]
Huh? [Heidi.]
Little hand on the three, big hand on the noon! It's Me-sclusive-o'clock! Don't leave us hanging, D.
K.
I'm on prawns and noodles! Heidi, wait! Who is the Ninja? After a thorough investigation, I have concluded that [clears throat.]
the Ninja is Randy Cunningham! - [all.]
Who? - Phew! [computer beeps.]
[all.]
Oh! Him? Really?! [groans.]
[grunts.]
Destroy Randy Cunningham! Also I got two nines on one line here.
- Something's definitely off, right? - [Viceroy.]
Hm So there you have it! The Ninja is Randy Cunningham! Ugh! The one time she gets it right! [students screaming.]
[creature snarling.]
Looks like it's Ninja O' Where the honk is my mask?! Ahh! Killer robot.
Knows Randy Cunningham is the Ninja, so [students continue screaming.]
- That's him! - That's a girl, sir.
- That's him! - Another girl.
- Bingo! - Let's keep looking.
[Randy.]
Not so bad.
Surprisingly roomy.
Ah, I'll stay till graduation.
Maybe put a hot plate here, little bed there.
I mean, do they really need the Ninja? [boy.]
Help! I need the Ninja! Ah, it's just Doug.
It's all's good.
[students screaming.]
Mask or no mask, I gotta get that thing out of here! [door opens.]
Ah! Hey, Ro-bit! You want Randy Cunningham?! I'm right here! Ahh! Uh-huh, come on, come on.
Oh, come on! Ahh! [panting.]
You're telling me that's the Ninja? I'm telling you that's the Ninja.
And I'm telling you that's not the Ninja! If it was, he wouldn't run like some shoob! [all murmuring.]
But he would run like some shoob if he wants us to think he's not the Ninja.
[all murmuring.]
[groans.]
[Randy screams.]
[grunts.]
On a boulder.
[grunts.]
Ducking behind a tree.
Think, think, think.
I can't think of anything! Huh? [grunting.]
Slipping, slipping, slipping, slipping Whoa! [empty weapon clicking.]
[groans.]
[laughs.]
You're out of missiles! Whatcha you gonna do now? What am I gonna do now?! Gotta get him to the ice! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Ah! Why is ice so slippery? Ahh [grunting.]
[continues grunting.]
Stupid thin ice! Why won't you break?! [electronic feedback.]
He's not gonna beat us that easy! - Actually - Don't tell me, - he's gonna beat us that easy? - Mm-hm.
Ha-ha! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Ahh [grunting.]
Yah! [grunts.]
Now I just have to convince everyone that I'm not the Ninja.
Man, this is a tough one! Hey, look, it's the Ninja! Ah, nope, it's just me, Randy.
Ninja was there, though.
Took out the robot at the lake.
Wanted me to tell you I am definitely not him.
- He was pretty adamant about that part.
- Hm.
So he couldn't come up here just to prove that you're not him? Um, no, he had a thing across town theater tickets probably not Dude, give it up.
You're the Ninja.
[Howard.]
Actually I'm the Ninja! [all gasp.]
- Ninja? - Ninja! - Ninja.
- And the theater is super lame! - I would never go to that! - But if he's up and you're down Told you, Debbie Kang, I'm not the Ninja.
Ha! You thought that shoob was me? Oh, you must be wonking me around.
[laughs.]
OK, Ninja.
Thank you.
[scoffs.]
I mean, Randy Cunningham? You couldn't have picked someone else? What about that Weinerman kid? That guy's Bruce City! So you can smokebomb anytime! Like now would be great, just pop, pop a smokey.
No, no, I get it.
Smoke-ada-boom.
Bang! Headline: Landy Bluntingham Is Not the Ninja! Are you She can't remember "Cunningham" now? Next time you bring me a scoop, make sure you know what - the honk you scooped! - Hm.
[students grumbling.]
Wait! Come back! I'm not wrong! I can prove it! I have this! [vibrating.]
[gasps.]
[exhales.]
[body thuds.]
I know, I was guilty of conduct unbecoming the Ninja.
But Nomicon, I loved it while it lasted.
I'll never forget this.
I mean, I will 'cause you're gonna mindwipe me.
[harshly.]
You are guilty of conduct - [proudly.]
becoming a Ninja! - You're giving me a second chance?! Ah, it's 'cause I beat that robot, right? Scandal handled! [vibrating.]
Hm? Sorry, sorry.
I won't do that again.
Well, I saved the day.
Again.
No thanks necessary and you're welcome.
Howard, I don't expect you to understand, but the key to a secret identity is keeping it secret.
- What?! I said that this morning! - I don't think you did.
- I said it to your face! - No, I would remember that.
Oh-ho, you're the worst! Can't believe I lugged Mr.
D.
to the roof for you! [moans.]
What the juice happened? "Randy Cunningham is the Ninja?" What idiot scooped that?! [funky music plays.]
Hm.
Mm-hm.
[music scratches to a halt.]
Does this make me look like - a parent or a guardian? - Uh, it screams "parent or guardian!" Age inappropriate movie, get ready to be seen by us! Two tickets please, one for me and one for this young fellow, of whom I am guard-enening-ing, or parent Old enough! Me! - I can't believe that didn't work! - Well this day is in the toilet! If only we had a real guardian.
Yeah.
Somebody who cared about our well-being enough to take us to a movie we're too young to see! [vibrating.]
Hm.
Hey! Maybe Nomicon's got an idea! OK, it probably doesn't have an idea, but it can't hurt to look! OK, it can hurt to look.
But I have to so [mutters.]
[thuds.]
Whoa! [grunts.]
[moans.]
[First Ninja.]
Moments before his imprisonment the Sorcerer's mighty orbs were flung to the four corners of Norrisville.
The evil within corrupted all.
[roars.]
I recovered one and tasked a noble warrior with the sacred duty of guarding it from the Sorcerer.
Every four years the Ninja must quest to the enchanted temple and replenish the Noble One's supplies.
A quest! Yes! Day officially out of the toilet! [Howard.]
The sewer?! Our day just went from in the toilet to under the toilet! We got flushed! Nomicon flushed us! Yeah, this quest "stinks.
" [laughs.]
You get it? "Stinks?" 'Cause we're in the sewer? That's your one.
That's your one bad joke.
There better not be a number two! You just said! And we're in! How am I not supposed to? [laughing.]
Phew! OK.
Nomicon says the temple's around here somewhere.
Hm [grunts.]
- Hm? Uh, Ninja? - Shh! I'm searching! Maybe behind this waterfall.
I'm going in! [thudding.]
Good call on the waterfall! [groans.]
[gasps.]
There's the powerball! The Noble One must be close! Hello? Anybody here? - Uh - Hm? [repeats rapidly.]
What did you bring me, what did you bring me, what did you bring me?! Man, it's like this guy hasn't seen snack cakes in four years.
- Am I right? - And he's not gonna.
- Howard.
- Howard? [both.]
Plop Plop? You guys! [all laughing.]
- We're laughing! - I can't believe you're the Noble One First Ninja was talking about! I know! He was all, "You wanna?" And I was all like, "Not really.
" And he said, "Wasn't asking.
" And, well, 800-year-old story short, I'm the Guardian of the ball.
Guardian? Did you say "guardian?" Yeah! He said guardian! Pull the mask out of your ears! I don't have a mask in my Howard, we need a guardian! To go to the movies! [gasps.]
Ooh! What's a movie? [laughs.]
Only the very fabric of our dreams woven into a magical tapestry of light and sound! Sounds like fun! Actually it sounds like witchcraft.
- Witchcraft with popcorn.
- And we're back to fun! Aw, but I gotta guard the ball! Oh, well.
Say hi to the witches for me.
He's our ticket to getting tickets to that movie! Do something! Uh, quick question.
Do you have to guard the ball down here? Couldn't you take it with you and guard it, I dunno, somewhere else? You're the Ninja.
You tell me.
OK.
I'm telling you, we're goin' to the movies! [both.]
We're goin' to the movies! And I don't know what that is! Yeah! [Randy laughs.]
[rumbling.]
[sniffing.]
The sacred seal has been broken! Soon my powerball will possess whomever holds it.
[evil laughter.]
- Are you sure you're over 17? - [scoffs.]
"Over 17.
" Yeah, I'm just a bit over 17! - I'm 800-years-old! - Three.
We will take three tickets.
[whimpers.]
[woman screams.]
- We are not old enough.
- No.
I'm gonna be afraid of the dark.
I'm gonna be afraid of the light! [woman in film screams.]
[Sorcerer.]
Bring the ball to me.
- Did you say something? - Shh! You didn't hear anything? You must bring it closer.
[evil grunting.]
Where are you going? The movie's not over! [screaming, chainsaw in film.]
[gasps.]
[body thuds in film.]
[laughs.]
Yes! Four stars up! [chainsaw resumes in film.]
That was [groans.]
[Howard shuddering.]
with the [grunts.]
and the [screams.]
Best day I've had in 800 years, I'll tell ya that much.
[chuckles.]
Couldn't have done it without you, Plops.
[both laugh.]
Well, I guess this is goodbye.
[sniffles.]
Waterworks starting.
[sniffling.]
- You can't let him go! - He's gotta go back sometime.
Cunningham, PJ McFlubbusters has a super spicy appe-teaser pleaser platter that requires the signature of a parent or a guardian! The Diarrhea Del Fuego! We won't have to wait until our tongues are of age! Oh, a-Plop Plop? Yes? I was just walking away and I heard my name, - thought you might need me.
- What would you say to PJ McFlubbusters? I would say, "Nice to meet you, Mr.
McFlubbusters.
" And he'd say, "Please! Call me PJ!" [all laughing.]
[gasps, then pants.]
Ahh.
Best meal I've had in centuries! Centuries, you guys, centuries.
Plop Plop, you're amazing! You're not even sweating! Oh, that's 'cause my tongue's covered in calluses.
Why? Ah.
No wait, don't tell me.
I don't wanna know.
[loud belch.]
[laughs.]
You're awesome! I don't see why you can't just stay up here and guard the ball.
Yeah! You could live in my garage.
Does your garage have a sacred seal that protects me from getting possessed by the ball's evil? [gasps.]
No, it doesn't have that.
Stupid garage.
Wait, so right now you're not protected by the sacred seal?! - Why did you come with us?! - You said it was OK! At least, that's what I heard underneath that mask.
It is hard to understand you.
I didn't know about the sacred seal! We have to get you back.
Check! Check please! Ma'am? Ma'am? Sir? Just a little closer and he will finally be under my control! Bring the ball to the Eye of Eternities! Uh, over here? Check, please? I wanna give you money! [evil roar.]
Hey! Where you going? - [roar.]
Yelp! - No, Plop Plop! Howard, pay the bill! I gotta go stop him! I don't have any money! - Out of my way! - Plop Plop! [evil grunting.]
Go! Go! Go! [tires skidding.]
You turn this car around right now! Are you crazy? We dined and ditched! Are you trying to get us Mcflubbusted? We have to get the ball back where it belongs! That's exactly what I'm doing! [cars honking.]
Oh! Pick a lane! [roars.]
Use your signal! [both gasp.]
[tires squealing.]
Plop Plop, this isn't you! It's the ball! - Tell me something I don't know! - Well, that was it.
That was the thing I thought you didn't know Uh [electricity zapping.]
[evil roaring.]
It's Ninja ti [grunting.]
Ah.
For the record, I just wanted to see Splatterday Fright Cleaver! [evil grunting.]
Smokebomb! I don't want to hurt you, but if you take one more step [roars.]
Ninja Air-Fist! [both grunting.]
Uh-oh [both grunting.]
Pretty much everything else I got is gonna leave a mark.
You sure you wanna do this, Plop Plop? There is no Plop Plop! Only chaos! [evil roar.]
Yoinks! Ninja Sumo Snag! [both grunting.]
- Can't let you! - You don't have a choice! Kinda regretting the Sumo Snag! [roars.]
Ow! - Ha! - Plop Plop, what you're doing is wrong! You're stickin' us with your third of the Appe-Teaser Pleaser Platter! [evil roar.]
Or Cunningham'll spot you.
- He's covering me.
- Ninja no, he won't! [roars.]
[cracks neck, then grunts.]
[roaring.]
Yah I know you're still in there, Plop Plop! Whoa! [grunts.]
[groans.]
[growls.]
You kept the ball safe for centuries.
Until we came along.
This isn't your fault! - Huh? - Fool! When you removed the ball, you broke the seal! Now he is mine! [laughs, then shouts.]
[grunts.]
Please.
If there's any of you left, you can't give that ball back to the Sorcerer! Remember your duty! [snarls.]
- [laughs.]
Duty.
- [chuckles.]
Duty.
You trusted me and I totally shoobed you.
- But if we get you back - It's too late, Ninja.
The seal is broken.
My time as Guardian is over.
[struggling.]
Can't fight him much longer! I need to get you away from the Sorcerer! But you can't go back to the Temple.
Where will you be safe? Eye color changing.
[vibrating.]
Huh? The Nomicon? [roaring.]
No! [sobbing.]
No! - Thank you, Ninja.
- For what? If it wasn't for me, you'd still be safe in that temple.
And I wouldn't have seen a movie, or eaten Appe-teasers.
Or hung with you guys.
Today was my best day ever! And I've had like, centuries-worth of days.
- I'll miss ya, Plop Plop.
- Well, you can visit me anytime you want.
In the Nomicon! So is he like naked in there? Let's hope not, buddy.
Let's hope not.
Guys! I'm in the book! With First Ninja! Once again I have been entrusted as Guardian of a powerball.
Great.
That is never a disaster all the time.
Howard, we wonked up today.
And together, we must make it right.
[Howard.]
All right, let me get this straight.
Nomicon can shloomp an entire Plop Plop, but it can't wash a single dish? For the record, you haven't washed a single dish.
Cunningham, please, I'm wearin' 800-year-old silk here.
Hey! Get scrubbin'! Them Appe-teaser Pleaser Platters ain't gonna pay for themselves! Hoo-boy.
[groans.]
[audience laughing.]
[bell rings.]
Ah.
Another great episode! - Thank you guys so much! - Thank you, everybody! - You're the real heroes! - You guys were wonderful! Thanks for watching! [theme music.]
Chirp.
[Plop Plop repeating.]
What did you bring me? What did you bring me?